POV: Jordan

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'till your high heels break.

I fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole.

Long story short, it was the wrong guy.

Alex was, and always will be, the perfect guy for me. But he wasn't the right guy. For so long I had punished myself, constantly telling myself that he was the guy for me, that he needed me if he wanted to survive. And as much as I wanted to believe it, to have him in my life forever, to wake up on Christmas morning and snuggle close to a fire, or to have flowers delivered to me for valentines day. I knew it wasn't a possibility. I knew I needed to let go of him, which was harder than it should've been.

How was I supposed to let go of my best friend? How was I supposed to just remove those feelings which warred inside my body?

I really didn't know what to do after I had a sense of clarity. When I looked at him, dark grey eyes and all, I didn't really feel anything. When losing him was black, when forgetting him was trying to forget about your favorite song, and when regretting him was wishing love could never be that strong, loving him was red. It burned in my heart every second of every day, and I told myself every time, "it's time now, gotta let go." But moving on from him was impossible. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. Everything was a mess when he showed up, when he spun in my head, and I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Pushing down the feelings only made it worse, but expressing them, saying them, acting on them, it was even worse. But what was I supposed to do? So many times I had thought he would be mine, if he just looked in the right direction, if he just turned his head to me standing in the back dancing on my own. If he had just...loved me back. I knew it was long gone, there was nothing else I could do, and if I forgot about him long enough then I forgot why I needed to.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. I was scared, I was scarred, I was broken, and I was dumb. He called me up just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest. And even if time didn't fly, even if I was paralyzed by it, even if the scent of him lingered in every spot he went to, I still loved him. The love wasn't romantic anymore, it wasn't…this longing feeling to always have him by side. It was...just wanting to be close to him instead, just wanting to know that he was there.

No more walking through doors together when the air was cold, no more restless nights, no more crying myself to sleep, and no more thoughts about him. I still did love him, as much as anyone could, but I just found that love swapped for someone else. I found it moving away from Alex, and moving to the neighbor next door. The creepy neighbor which you avoided, the one who stood outside on his lawn watching animals ride their bikes, the neighbor who went to parties, but stood in the corner with a blank stare.

Alex was the wrong guy and I was no longer all about him. Someone else held the key to my heart, someone else made me feel the way I felt towards Alex. And I didn't really know if the feelings were real or if I had just repressed Alex so much that they found a way to torture me more, but how was I supposed to know? There wasn't a war in my mind, no more keeping score.

Long story short, I survived.

Nathan woke up from the couch wearing a loose white shirt which defined his body underneath, I had to prevent myself from staring a little bit too long. I didn't know if he felt the same way, and honestly, I was too scared to ask. He may have changed a little bit, but he could still be scary sometimes.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked, turning in the red swivel chair to face him.

He scratched his head, yawing and wiping the sleep from his eyes. "You know, couches are not the most comfortable places to sleep."

'Well if you have money, buy a bed," I said.

"I don't think the school will allow that."

"It's not like they care anyway. You know, for a principal that hates carnivores, he sure doesn't pay much attention to us."

Nathan sat back down on the couch, wrapping himself in the warm sheets. "I think he's more focused on the investigation right now. No doubt they want to drain every question out of Alex. Did you tell him about Mrs. Carter yesterday?"

I sighed, stopping my work on my herbivore studies project. "I did , but you know how he is."

"Yeah, he can be very stubborn sometimes."

"Sometimes? It's more than just sometimes," I added with a laugh.

Nathan groaned and closed his eyes. "Ok now shush, I'm tired and it's the weekend."

I rolled my eyes. Early mornings on Saturdays sucked, but I needed to get work done and keep up with my grades. Ever since the incident with Alex, the campaign with Brittney had slowed to a snail's pace. I was still in the lead, but when everyone heard it was Alex who had found the rabbit, animals began to lose trust in me. Of course I couldn't have been born an herbivore and life would share its spoils. I was just a dumb snow leopard with no past experiece in leadership and a murderer for a friend.

I continued finishing my project, putting the campaign on the backburner in my mind. I couldn't think of any ideas for a new poster or video, or pretty much anything. So doing nothing seemed like the right idea, the right course of action. The audio visual room was comforting, to a certain extent. There were always the buzzing sounds of the lights, the dinky fan which seemed like it would crash down at any second, and Nathan sleeping on the old couch.

I did some digging into Nathan's species, trying to see if there was anything I needed to know specifically about him. The only real interesting thing was that hyenas were closely related to felines rather than canines, which made no sense whatsoever because his tail wagged and he had the same mannerisms as other canines. Maybe I was just a sucker for canines.

Turning back in my char, I was met with the adorable hyena with his tongue sticking out, chest slowly rising and falling beneath the covers. It made me feel happy to be around him, the glimmer in his eyes rarer than a comment passing through the sky. But still, the thought of the road not traveled came across my mind. I didn't want it anymore, I wanted him gone. Life was like that I guess, never leaving well enough alone.

Ok Jordan, no more self-deprecation. You've beaten Brittney at her own game...well, almost. And you showed the school what kind of animal a carnivore can be. There's no point in lingering thoughts about Alex.

Quietly getting up from the chair and finding the door, I made it outside into the hallways. Nobody was awake during Saturdays, especially in the mornings. This gave me some comfort in knowing I would be alone for a while, just my thoughts and I. Maybe I would go for a walk, maybe I would wait in the cafeteria until breakfast was served. Or maybe, I would go find Alex, wake him up from his peaceful sleep and continue my warning about Mrs. Carter. That seemed like a bad idea, I needed to stay away from him, or at least get my thoughts together before life-or whatever forces were at bay-decided it needed a turn for the worst.

Sweet cold air blew through as I opened the door outside, a couple of animals were up and walking around, chatting with their friends, bundled up in their coats and daggers. It was usually chilly in the mornings, but as the sun rose, so did the warmth. Knowing this and taking my first step off the concrete steps, I spotted Brittney, sitting alone on a rusted green bench.

Crunching dirt and rocks, Brittney's face buried in her phone as I approached. For some reason, it felt like I was stalking my prey, getting closer and closer by the second. I shook the thoughts off though as she turned her attention directly to me, a scowl on her face.

"What do you want?" she said, standing up in her light pink sweater.

"Why are you up so early?" It was a genuine question, met with a disgusted face.

"Why do you care? Aren't you busy fucking that hyena of yours?"

I blinked, taken aback from her comment. Although I should've known since it was coming from her mouth. "What?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Jordan. I bet you're having the time of your life just sitting in that dusty room with all the time in the world." She slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Just stay out of my life." She began to walk away, but I caught up to her, almost tripping over my own two feet.

"What the hell?" I said, walking beside her, the scowl still on her face. "What did I ever do to you?"

"What did you do?" She put a finger to her lips. "Damn, I really don't know. "It's almost as if I'm talking to a dumb carnivore about politics. And the idiotic snow leopard doesn't even know anything about the real world."

Pushed from the precipice.

I moved so I was standing in front of her. "Ok, you know what? I'm tired of you...well I was tired of you a long time ago but now? Seriously? What climbed up your ass and died?"

"A lot of things," she said, pushing past me.

I sighed. "This probably doesn't mean anything to you but, thanks for standing up for Alex during the meeting, and warning me about Mrs. Carter."

Brittney stopped in her tracks, body stiffening up. "I didn't do it for you," she said over her shoulder. "But what if I did?" I heard her whisper as she walked away.

In truth, I was grateful that she decided to come to me with her concerns about Mrs. Carter. She had so many animals to lean on, so many solutions to every problem. But it meant a whole lot if I was the only solution to this problem, if I was the only one she could trust, even if she didn't want to.

"I'm sorry Brittney," I said as she faded into the distance. "I don't know what caused you to become the animal you are now, but I'm sorry."

Learn to let go.

Life ain't always fair but hell is living in resentment.

I was over Brittney and her antics. I was over Alex and my feelings towards him. It took me so long to finally realize that, to finally just accept everything that had happened and let the past stay in the past. I was done reliving my bad decisions, done holding onto feelings that didn't need to be there in the first place.

You may be a bitch, Brittney. But I'm willing to let it all go, willing to understand you better. If you want a friend, it doesn't matter if they're a carnivore or an herbivore. Doesn't matter if they put you through your paces. I'm here.

"I was honestly expecting her to blow up in your face."

I turned my head, Steven waving as he approached. He always showed up at the right times.

He stood next to me, hands in his coat pockets, ears shifting to the different sounds around us. "Why are you up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing," I said, wishing Brittney would come back.

Steven sighed, the air no longer cold enough to show our steamy breath. "I don't know. I'm glad Alex is back, I really am. It's just I can't help but feel like he doesn't really care about me anymore, you know?"

"Well that's kind of stupid to think," I said. "He wouldn't be alive today if he didn't have you. He wouldn't be back at this school if he didn't have you. You don't give yourself enough credit. He loves you, Steven."

"I know he loves me-and I love him too." He sighed again. "It's just...the happiest animals have the most to hide."

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I tried to pick my battles till the battles picked me, which only led me to misery. And I could go on and on about my life and how useless and horrible I felt when my dad died and when the world was crashing down. But if there's one thing I'm 100% sure of, it's that Alex loves you."

Long story short it was a bad time.

Steven hugged me, something he hadn't done in so long. His hugs were amazing, much better than Alex's. "Thanks Jordan, but it's not just that." He glanced over to the yellow police tape in the distance. "My dad is the lead investigator on the predation case...and he doesn't know that I'm gay-I don't want him to know."

"Well, why? I'm sure he would understand."

He looked to the ground. "No, he wouldn't understand. He basically forgot about me when my mom died, he was too focused on my other brothers to even remember I existed. He worked long hours-and I'm grateful for what I have and for what he's done to keep our family stable. But if I were to walk up to him right now, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even recognize me."

I swallowed hard. "Is...is he homophobic?"

Steven scoffed. "I don't know, doesn't really matter."

I put a hand on his shoulder. "No it does matter, it matters to me."

"Thanks Jordan," he said, "but some things are better left in the dark. He doesn't need to know, and I don't want him to know. My life is better without him in it, telling him would only make things worse...I don't need that right now."

I probably understood better than anyone. Ever since Mom started dating her boyfriend Richard, life was hard. I always blamed her for leaving Dad so soon and that she was somehow tarnishing the beautiful reputation he left behind. But even so, I knew those feelings were just a stupid manifestation of losing him to forces I couldn't control.

I paused for a second. "Are you ever gonna tell him though?" I asked reluctantly.

He shrugged. "Maybe one day when I'm older...maybe not."

The rest of the day went by as any other. School bells rang in the hallways, signaling the start of new classes with its electronic reverberation, faculty swept the floors, lockers slammed, and animals paid no attention to the snow leopard who dressed differently than usual. No more black skirts, no more tight jeans ripped near the knee, and no damn high heels. Like seriously, who wore high heels in high school?

Brittney.

Brittney did.

For some reason, that made me giggle, thinking of Brittney stumbling down the stairs, tripping over her high heels. A couple of animals gave me awkward stares, seeing a large carnivore suddenly giggling over seemingly nothing.

Sorry I'm weird.

I covered my mouth, keeping my face neutral as I finished the rest of my classes, not knowing what my next course of action was. Was I supposed to compute? Well, I couldn't have done that since it was delayed because of the devouring at school. Was Mrs. Carter my next goal? Find more about her and report it to the principal? Maybe telling Brittney anything about Mrs. Carter was the better idea. But the damn cheetah who was supposed to help my friend constantly swimming in my head made life harder than it needed to be.

Would letting go of Mrs. Carter make everyone's life easier? Was I just overreacting and overthinking everything like I always did?

It wasn't like I had anybody to talk to about the problems in my life. Or maybe I did. Nathan was the animal my heart pumped faster for, but Alex still held a special place. Did my heart have room for two?

Well, it needed to make some space.

️ ️ ️

They say misery likes company…

The tricky thing is that just yesterday we were little children, playing pretend as we dreamed dreams of happy endings. But now we stepped into our cruel world where everybody stood up and kept score.

So there I was, standing two steps ahead of everybody else. They never said I would make it far, never get to the place where I was. Everybody was watching, everybody was waiting for the fallout. Well, they weren't going to get their satisfaction. My feet were ready, my heartbeat was steady. Pain was locked away, dark days were in the past, and everything was over. Or so it seemed.

It had only been a day since I talked to Steven about his dad, and I had the luxury of meeting his terrifying father close up. Alarm bells went off in my head when I approached him, this massive German shepherd who defied all laws that I knew to be true. Dogs weren't supposed to be huge, dogs weren't supposed to have sharp claws and canine teeth that showed every time. It was like I was looking directly at Alex, like this German shepherd was some sort of hybrid.

He towered over me, and I was pretty tall. His eyes were two red dwarf stars, completely unlike the eyes of his son. Fur was the same though, and so was the face. It was scary.

"You must be Jordan," he said. "One of Steven's friends, right?"

I held my ground, gritting my teeth together. "Yes. You must be his dad...the lead investigator."

"I am," he responded, ears jetting out of the police hat he wore. My eyes couldn't help but move over to the gun he held holstered to his side. They were supposed to have tasers on campus...nobody said anything about guns. I decided to ignore it, pretending like I saw nothing and listening when the devil's calling.

When he spoke, it was like his voice held a low growl in it. "I wanted to talk to you specifically without the overcomplications of the school board, you know how they can be."

"Yes." I knew fairly well how they could be.

"Good, then you know Alex is not part of the investigation."

"Yes." What else was I supposed to say?

"Brittney, the president of the student council said you had something to tell me."

My eyes widened, the Mrs. Carter thing was supposed to be a secret between her and I. But of course, it was Brittney, she couldn't keep a secret. "No," I said, "no there isn't anything for me to tell you."

"Don't play dumb with me," he said. "Brittney told me everything."

"Then why am I even here?" I said, glancing off to the side in frustration. The last thing I wanted to do was become a part of the investigation when I knew it was Mrs. Carter who had done it. It had to have been her, there weren't any other suspects, no matter how far they spun the truth.

"I think you'll trust me more if I let you call me by my name, Samuel." He tried his best at a smile, but it came off as weak and unmotivated.

"No, I think Mr. Parker suits you just fine," I said with venom in my voice.

"Well then I'll cut to the chase. Three suspects have been considered for the devouring of the rabbit Christina. You, Mrs. Carter, and that hyena...Nathan? I think that was his name."

"Leave Nathan out of this," I spat back.

"Careful what you say, Jordan. You may have the freedom of free speech, but whatever you say can and will be held against you."

"You're just as bad as the herbivores," I said, stepping forward, not giving a damn if he was bigger than me.

He pinched the bridge of his muzzle. "Look, I'm just trying to do my job. I have kids to put through college and-"

"And one to put through high school."

His face contorted into one of confusion, then deep sadness as my words resonated inside of him. "Steven has nothing to do with this, leave him out of it."

"Not unless you drop Nathan as a suspect. I've been with him 24/7. There's no way he ate her."

"Don't forget, you're a suspect too."

"What the hell? Why am I being punished for something just because of my species!"

"You're not being punished," he replied coolly. "Its that as of right now-"

"You have no evidence against any of us. I'm only being considered because-"

"You're being considered because of what Brittney said. If both of you think Mrs. Carter was the one who did it, then obviously something isn't right between either of you."

Maybe he was right. Mrs. Carter came out of nowhere, like a dark horse. She wasn't known, until she was. And she had made two enemies out of the most popular kids in school. If she wanted to play with magic, she should've known what she was getting into. It was a yes or no;, no maybe.

"If you want to suspect me," I said, "then fine, suspect me, see if it changes anything. But know this you steroidal dog, you come anywhere near Alex, or Steven-"

"Choose your next words very carefully," he said, exposing his large fangs which were wolfish in nature.

I sighed, letting go of the anger and pride which had probably gotten me in this situation to begin. "Fine, whatever, just leave me alone. Leave everybody alone. You only cause more problems by being here. I don't want you here, the school doesn't want you here, and worst of all, your own son doesn't want you here."

His chest grew with every breath, with every intake of air. Then he lunged for me, his hands spread out to grab. My eyes grew in shock and my feline instincts took over, dodging out of the way, heart racing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I shouted, taking in tiny sips of air. I had never felt so terrified in all of my life.

His voice was a deep growl. "Leave Steven out of this."

I stood up, keeping on guard. "Then maybe you should've been a better father!"

He lunged again, but I jumped out of the way, running towards the door and jiggling the handle. I was locked in.

I was trapped, turning around slowly to meet the officer. I didn't know why, but I said, "looks like all that mass is making you slow. Either that, or you're just old."

He bared his fangs, long and sharp, perfectly white. They would've easily sunk into my neck and killed me. Nobody would've known, nobody would've cared. He could've just said I attacked him and he acted on judgment. There was no winning.

He stalked closer and closer as I pressed my back into the door. He put his hands out, blocking off both sides from escape, holding me hostage in the room.

"You don't know anything," he said dangerously close.

This is why Steven hates you.

"Trapping a girl in a room?" I said, heart warning that anymore snarky comments and it would burst out of my chest. "Grow a pair."

Mr. Parker grabbed the door handle and ripped it off, pushing the door open as I fell onto the tile. "Get. Out."

I scrambled to my feet, shoes squeaking on the tile as I ran for my life, never looking back, not wanting to know if he was chasing me. This all could've been a game for him, just to see how fast a snow leopard could run compared to him.

My legs turned sharply as I ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and locking it into place, breathing heavily. Tears formed in my eyes, but I pushed them down, there was no time for crying. I went over to the sink and splashed some water into my face, hoping to make myself even more alert than I already was, or to calm myself down. I didn't know why I did it, I just did.

Slamming my fist onto the counter, I cursed loudly, tears making their way back. No matter how many times I tried to force them, to be better than just a dumb crybaby, they always came back. The experience in that stupid room was just so...horrifying. I was trapped, had nowhere to go. And my mind began to wander, to think of other things that may have happened.

No.

I wasn't a helpless herbivore, I wasn't just some cat he could terrify and send running. I was much more than that and he needed to see that. A sinister smirk made its way across my face, picturing my claws sinking deep into Mr. Parker's throat, hearing his screams as they echoed in an enclosed space. Nobody was going to help him, just like nobody was there to help me.

Don't be stupid you idiot!

I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene.

I splashed more water on my face, cold and stimulating. It woke up my senses, putting me back into reality.

Sometimes my thoughts are violent.

Sometimes they bring me to the light.

I dried my face with some paper towels, fur ruffling. My reflection stared back at me, blue eyes and all. The smirk was still there and I threw the paper towels in the trash, closing the bathroom door behind me.

Mr. Parker wasn't in the office when I returned, prepared for a fight. Good for him, he would've died anyway. Another thought was to roam the school and find him, but it was already late at night, and I was sure the cops patrolling would've liked to ask a few questions to the snow leopard stalking around the campus.

I took off my shoes and silently ran to the audio visual room. Nathan was in there working on homework, or some sort of project, I couldn't tell by the way his laptop faced away, eyes glued as he said, "you were out late, anything wrong?"

I walked over, throwing my shoes in the corner. "Steven's dad attacked me," I said nonchalantly.

Nathan stopped typing, my reflection in his glasses. "The lead investigator?"

I nodded my head, shrugging my shoulders. "Yep, guess he was scared of me."

"I admire how calm you're being about this, but don't you think you should tell someone?"

"I told you."

Nathan breathed in deeply, adjusting his glasses. "Tell me exactly what happened."

I folded myself over the couch, smiling. "Well basically, I told him off and how he was-and still is-a bitch to Steven. He didn't take it too kindly and I kept adding fuel to the fire. Then he lunged at me-I dodged-and he pinned me against a door." I sighed, blooding rushing to my head. "He opened the door and I fell onto the tile, then ran to the bathroom and cried a little bit. Then after that, I ran back here." He didn't need to know about the smirk in the mirror.

Nathan's expression did not change, that's what I liked about him, you could tell him something outrageous and he would still keep his composure. Although, I always wondered what was going on inside that head of his. It wasn't like he talked about himself that much, only bits and pieces.

"Are you going to tell Steven?" he asked.

"Hm, probably not. I don't want to make their relationship even more strained than it already is. Besides, it was my fault to begin with."

"You should at least tell Alex. Maybe next time you can have someone with you."

"I can handle him."

Nathan shook his head. "No, you can't. You need Alex with you if you want to even make a dent in that German shepherd. There's a reason why he's so massive for a German shepherd."

I scoffed. "I can fight for myself, Nathan. I don't need a wolf on my side to protect me."

Nathan sighed out his frustration. "No that's not what I mean. I know you're a capable fighter, one of the largest cat breeds in the world. But that German shepherd is something different."

"What? You mean because he attacked a student? Brittney did the same thing and you didn't say anything about her."

"Jordan," Nathan said, his voice low and calm. "Mr. Parker is a hybrid."