Agathokakological - A Yappy Obi story

13 year old Yappy Obi is at it again as he learns a new word and considers it for Qui-Gon.

Posted - February 2021

Obi: Master, are you agathokakological?

Qui: Obi-Wan, that's disgusting and immature. Sneeze into your sleeve.

Obi: What? I didn't sneeze, I asked if you were agathokakological.

Qui: Are you making up words again?

Obi: No. Master Windu said you were agathokakological.

Qui: I've told you to stay away from the Council.

Obi: Are you avoiding the question?

Qui: I am questioning why you are in the same breath space as the Council. Again.

Obi: I told him that you weren't agathokakological. I don't think he believed me.

Qui: Fine. I will play your annoying game. What is that word?

Obi: Agathokakological?

Qui: Yes. That one.

Obi: Master Windu says it means that you are made of both good and evil.

Qui: He called me evil?

Obi: No, he called you good and evil.

Qui: I am not evil.

Obi: I know that, but are you agathokakological?

Qui: Please stop saying that word. I am not evil. Not even part evil. Why would you think that?

Obi: I didn't think it. Master Windu did. You know how he feels about me - and you by default. Or maybe he meant that one of us was good and one was evil. I get to be the good one!

Qui: That makes me evil again.

Obi: Master, you're not evil.

Qui: I keep saying that.

Obi: But I need to be the good one. Evil people don't get or give hugs. Wait! Is that why you don't hug me?

Qui: You are not conning me into a hug by calling me evil. Nice try though.

Obi: Was worth a shot.

Qui: Not really. Is there a point to this conversation?

Obi: Is there ever a point to our conversations?

Qui: Good point.

Obi: There it is. The point.

Qui: Stop it now, before you really start making no sense.

Obi: So, if you aren't agathokakological, why would Master Windu say that?

Qui: I am certain there is an ulterior motive buried deep inside of his brain, but most likely it was to give you something ridiculous to think about, enough so you would leave him alone.

Obi: Sneaky. And smart. The Council is starting to understand me better.

Qui: Understand? No. Starting to get more annoyed? Yes. Just stay away from them, all right?

Obi: Okay.

Qui: What?

Obi: I said okay.

Qui: No battle? No rambling on about nothing that means nothing? You enjoy irritating the Council so much, why would you agree to stop?

Obi: I didn't agree to stop, I just agreed to stay away from them. I can do damage from afar.

Qui: Yes, you can. I've forgotten that. Though it is more challenging.

Obi: I do love a challenge.

Qui: No, you don't. You like things easy.

Obi: True. But I like to challenge myself to make things easy.

Qui: Sorry, not getting sucked into another nonsensical conversation.

Obi: Too late.

Qui: Damn.

Obi: But I will stay away from them. If me being near the Council and driving them insane is going to make you turn evil, I won't do it anymore.

Qui: It is not making me turn evil. I am not turning evil. Just because I don't hug you does not mean I am evil.

Obi: Then why are the veins in your neck starting to pop out?

Qui: Obi-Wan, being selective about hugs does not make one evil.

Obi: Yeah, well you remind me of that when you steal that annoying desert kid away from his mom and her hugs. He doesn't get any hugs at the Temple and he turns evil. So, there's that.

Qui: I am not getting sucked into your fantasy future stories either. There is no correlation between not getting hugs and turning evil. This is the stupidest conversation.

Obi: Does it prove that you are agathokakological?

Qui: How about you take that word and shove it right back at Windu's face?

Obi: Um.

Qui: No, forget I said that. That would be bad. And bad leads to evil in your weird little world. So, just leave them alone. All of them. The Council.

Obi: Just please promise me that you won't turn evil.

Qui: Fine. I promise.

Obi: Good. Now, give me a hug?

Qui: No.

Obi: Master! You just said you promised not to turn evil. If you don't hug me, that leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the Dark Side. The Dark Side is evil. Hello?

Qui: You've officially lost your mind, haven't you?

Obi: I am quite sane. I might be the only sane one in this Temple. If only others saw the logic in what I do. Do you think the Sith hug each other? No. So what makes us any better than them?

Qui: We aren't evil?

Obi: And there you go.

Qui: I hold firm on the my 'this is the stupidest conversation' theory.

Obi: Agathokakological. Remember, Master, it all started with that one word.

(Qui-Gon's comlink sounds.)

Qui: Jinn here.

Windu: Keep that damn lunatic kid away from me, Jinn. I mean it.

Qui: Obi-Wan is right here.

Windu: But he was here five minutes ago, babbling on about good and evil and hugs and just generally being annoying.,

Qui: Did you tell him I was evil?

Windu: I told him you were agathokakological. What he did with it, not my fault. The little babbling monster.

Qui: Please don't put confusing thoughts into the boy's head. I have enough issues as it is. And he is not a monster.

Windu: Did he happen to mention that he replaced my head-shine cream with sugar-cream from those damn pala cakes? My head is all sticky now, damn it! It'll take a week to wash that off.

Qui: A week seems excessive, but at least you smell sugary-sweet.

Windu: Jinn, do not humor that child. He will turn evil and kill us all!

Obi: Hey, Master, I think he means the other kid. You know the desert one you steal from his hugging mom? It's not me. My goals include getting hugs, wearing mullets, counting clones and constructing desert hovels. All very peaceful, harmless projects.

Qui: Obi-Wan is many things, Mace, but evil will never be one of them. Annoying. Ridiculous. Irritating. A troublemaker. Perplexing. Loud. Rambling.

Obi: I am all of those things, Master.

Qui: But he is not evil. So, take your strange squeaky clean bald head with his sticky dessert cream topping and find another hobby that doesn't include badmouthing my apprentice. Good day.

Windu: Jinn, damn it, you and that little monster...

(Click!)

Obi: Master, yes! You clicked him! Finally, I'm not the only one you hang up on. And I'm not a monster? I feel so loved.

Qui: Okay, yes, well, you're welcome?

Obi: Hug?

Qui: No.

Obi: Aww, thank you. Only you can say no like that. Without the insults and name calling. That's why I bring my problems to you.

Qui: Has nothing to do with the fact that I'm your master and you're assigned to me?

Obi: I'm assigned to you?

Qui: You are.

Obi: Eh, I'm okay with that. I'm glad you're not agathokakological. It's a beast of a word to say all the time.

Qui: Yet, you seemed to have perfected it.

Obi: It's what I do. Take the impossible and make it possible.

Qui: No, you actually do the exact opposite. You have the ability to take the possible and make it impossible.

Obi: That makes no sense.

Qui: Exactly.

Obi: What?

Qui: See how it feels? To be confused all the time?

Obi: Oh, I see. This is you teaching me a lesson. Nice, Master. You're almost as sneaky as Master Windu. Maybe you are a little agathokakological after all. But in a good way.

Qui: This is still the stupidest conversation.

Obi: I know.

Qui: How do I get out of it?

Obi: You know how.

Qui: Ugh. Fine. You wore me down. Come here and I'll hug you.

Obi: Really?

Qui: Really.

Obi: Wait, this is a real hug, right? Not an agathokakological one, right?

Qui: An evil hug?

Obi: It means made of both good and evil.

Qui: Well, the hug part is the good part. No evil intent. I promise. But after, I want you to shut up.

Obi: Done! I have a few people to visit anyway.

Qui: No Council.

Obi: No Council. Master Windu will be busy for a while. There was extra sugar in that pala cream, but it will keep people from blinded by the shine on his head for at least a week.

Qui: That will be helpful. I do find myself squinting from the intense glare during my meetings with the Council. How does he get his head so shiny?

Obi: Master, you're really not that different than me, you know that right?

Qui: Perhaps I should be agathokakological instead.

Obi: Nah. You're good. I'm good. No evil involved.

Qui: Until you turn twenty-five and I start stealing young desert children from their mothers?

Obi: Yeah, but even then, you didn't really do it on purpose. The Force made you do it. Oooo, maybe that makes the Force evil!

Qui: Obi-Wan?

Obi: Yes, Master?

Qui: Do you want a hug or not?

Obi: Yes, please.

Qui: Then when should you be doing?

Obi: Shutting up?

Qui: Thank you. I will hug you now.

Obi: You're so formal. But that's better than being evil. Master, I'm glad you're not agathokakological.

Qui: Me too, Padawan. I'd never be able to say it or spell it. Never be something that you cannot say or spell.

Obi: The fact that I can say and spell this word, does that create problems?

Qui: In your world, no. Please stop talking now.

Obi: Okay. Does talking make me evil?

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Sorry. I can't stop myself sometimes. Just hug me so I'll shut up.

Qui: There you go.

Obi:

Qui: Obi-Wan?

Obi:

Qui: Obi-Wan?

Obi:

Qui: Huh. Maybe I should try this hug thing more often.

Obi: You should, every single day. I'd be good with that.

Qui: Hug over. Shut up and go away now.

Obi: Okay. See you later!

Qui: Stay out of trouble please.

Obi: Yeah. Sure. No problem.

Qui: Ugh!

END