Chapter Seventy-Five

Speaking Of

I dressed in loose clothing before rushing to get downstairs – drawing a few strange looks.

I found my target in the kitchen with his mate. I waited for them to acknowledge me.

Katt frowned, "Is everything alright Ara?"

"I… Rain, I need a session… please?" I asked while refusing to look at him – or anyone else in the kitchen. Varric looked suspicious, "Session, Feathers?"

Rain, however, stood at once, "We can use my room to talk in, Ara – come on."

I could see the worry on Hawkes' face – I had just had a session last night and lately, I only had sessions with Rain twice a week. I followed Rain to his room – they had decorated it in hues of grey and blue. I sat at a chair next to his desk – he had two, one beside and one in front of.

"What's on your mind, Ara?"

"I… I need to know how to go about… rejecting a primary mate and a fully realized mate."

Rain paled, "What?"

I sighed, "I don't plan to… do it until… after I give birth; but Rain… I'm toxic to them – I need to let them go."

"What in the stars makes you think that?"

"I'm a trigger – Cullen and Fenris were both tortured by magic, and being with me… makes them relive those tortures. And… they've both all but rejected me by this point. I want what's best for them – I love them, Rain; I can't keep being a drain on them. Cullen pales each time he sees me use magic and Fenris flinches every time I go to brush against him even though his markings aren't bothering him anymore. I… they need better than me. It's time that I… let them go to find their own happiness. They both feel obliged to me – they won't reject me while they feel like they owe me… so it has to be me."

"Ara – there is no turning back from that; if you reject them, they can never come back to you. Especially Fenris – if you reject a fully realized mate, it can cause permanent harm… you could cause him permanent harm…"

"T-then just… Cullen…" I didn't want to debilitate Fenris… so I guess I would just stay out of his way from now on.

"Ara… you should really take more time to think about this… your emotions are haywire while you're pregnant and this is a lifelong choice. If you do this, Cullen will never be yours."

"He's not going to be mine anyway, Rain," I sighed tiredly, "I remind him of the torture he suffered every time he looks at me. It's getting harder and harder to bear that look in his eyes – like I hurt him just by existing. I'm terrified to look at the future and see him rejecting me because I will feel that, and I don't want to risk my baby."

Rain looked distressed, "Ara…"

"Fenris looks at me like I ripped his heart from his chest and Cullen looks at me like I'm a hybrid between a monster and the one that got away. I'm… I'm hurting them by holding on to them. So this is my solution – releasing Cullen and staying out of Fenris' way. I need to do this – for them. I don't deserve them anyway… look – I don't need it right this minute… I just need it by the time I give birth."

Rain nodded, "I-If you really think this is for the best… but Ara – those two men love you; even if they don't see it themselves."

"And kittens are soft – I know they love me, Rain. And I love them. But I am hurting them. I can't do that."

Rain sighed, "Ara… you aren't toxic…"

I shook my head and said, "I've asked what I needed to – just… please, Rain."

Rain flinched, "I will… gather the information – but just to be safe I will not gather the needed items for such a ritual and I cannot – in good conscious – give them to you until you discuss this with your partners first. You won't be the only one to feel the backlash – anyone you've fully mated with as well as you and the one you are rejecting will share in it; this is so that no one involved dies."

I blinked, "Maybe a book on rejections is in order – I didn't know that."

"It isn't information that's needed very often – but everything we know about rejections is documented in the libraries of Danu – specifically the Thedas Treasury where we keep all books that have knowledge on this continent. The book ended up in that treasury because rejection was first discovered while a pair of mates was here in Thedas doing research."

I sighed, "Get me the book – and I swear to talk this through with Cullen before going through with the rejection, but… I'm sure he won't object to it." I felt the vow slide into place and shivered.

Rain relaxed with a sigh of relief, "Thank you, Ara. Come – we need to eat before your dress fitting."

I followed him out feeling heavier than I had going in. I sat next to Hawke.

He smiled at me, "So, what's up Sweetness?"

"You and me need to talk later – with Sebastian," I looked down at the plate someone had placed in front of me. Hawke stilled, "Did you find your fourth mate, sweetness?"

I shook my head, "No – this matter is… different. Anyway, will you accompany me to my dress fitting?"

"Sweetness – I'll follow you everywhere; maybe tonight, I'll follow you right to bed," he teased. That was my signal that Cullen had entered the room.

I sighed heavily, "Yeah – okay."

The whole room stilled. Merrill tilted her head, "Oh – did I miss something?"

"If you didn't then I sure as void did," Anders muttered.

Celeste bit her lip, "Ara – have you… chosen to pursue lord Hawke?"

I nodded, "Yeah – I guess I have."

A clatter was heard and all of us turned to look at Cullen. He looked so pained, so hurt as his mug rolled on the floor before him. Cullen stammered, "I-If this is… about this morning…"

I shook my head, "No Cullen – I… well, shit; I guess we're gonna have the talk now then – it'd be nice if Fenris were here for it too…"

"Here for what?" the deep voice asked from behind me. I stiffened and sighed, "Right – Cullen, Fenris, Bas and Hawke… let's go to my study and talk things out."

"Should we get Alistair?" Varric asked.

I shook my head, "No – he… he'll find out when this discussion bears fruit. What we are going to talk about won't happen for a few months anyway. Don't ask Varric – or I will start asking about Davri."

He flinched and held his hands up in surrender, "As you say, Feathers – this is your story and that's mine."

I nodded and led the men to my office.

Hawke started things, "Sweetness…"

Cullen jumped in, "I just need a bit more time – I…"

I held up a hand and took a shuddered breath as a single tear fell from my eye and said, "I have come to realize that I am… toxic to you and Fenris."

Both men hissed and Fenris said, "What do you mean?"

"I… both of you were tortured extensively by magic and mages – and I… have abilities that seem like magic; abilities that I call magic. I trigger memories of that torture in each of you. When Fenris touches me intimately he receives flashes of memories that are gone in a flash; when Cullen sees me use my abilities, he recalls what happened in that blasted tower. So I've asked Rain to get me a book detailing how to go about rejection for after Duncan is born – I will… be letting you both go."

"Letting us go? Don't you think if we wanted to leave, then we would have by now?" Fenris growled out.

I looked away, "Haven't you?"

Both men flinched as the silent tears now ran down my face, "Cullen… Cullen left me for things outside of my control – and realizing how seeing me be me might dredge up painful memories, I can't… fault him. Fenris, you left me after you mated with me – so things will be a lot more painful in the rejection so it will need to be your choice. Since we're fully mated, Rain says it could be permanently detrimental to you for me to reject you, so you would need to reject me – I can take the pa…"

I was out of my chair and pulled flush against Fenris, "We're mated?"

Hawke sighed, "She wouldn't let us tell you – when a Fae lies with their primary mates the first time, they receive the soul-linking… you're married Broody. Surely you've noticed the lovely new tattoo on your arm – we all have since the damn thing bothers you so much. When it warms, it's because she's thinking of you or touching the matching part on her arm. She didn't want you to feel obliged or worse since you essentially walked out on your wedding night."

Cullen nodded, "Apparently she tried to tell you before you got to the er… part that sealed it, but she got… distracted and has trouble with her memories while pregnant so it slipped away when the moment passed."

Fenris was looking me in the eye, "Is that true – are we married?"

I nodded, "I… it's true. I know it's terrible and you deserved to know before hand – I'm sorry I deceived…"

He kissed me. I was stone still for a moment before bursting into sobs and kissing him back. Fenris growled, "I was a fool."

"Oh the biggest – we all wanted to drag you back by your delicately pointed ears and throw you at her feet." Hawke commented as he leaned back.

"Why didn't you," Fenris snarled at Hawke, "If you had then I could have been back in her arms much sooner. It's been over a month."

"She ordered us to leave you alone," Cullen piped up.

Bas was watching us all in silence. Fenris looked at me, "You… did you… were you that hurt? I… I didn't mean to…"

"I thought you needed space – I was… giving it to you. Logically, I knew you would return to me after we take care of Danarius – but my emotions… ran away from me and started living in Fort Not Good Enough."

He snorted and reached up lightly to caress my cheek, "Amatus – oh, my love. I was… overwhelmed by the feelings I felt upon gaining and then losing those memories again. I am not used to such intense emotions that are not anger. For years I had to suppress what I felt as a slave – and when I finally allowed myself to feel, I only allowed the negative emotions to reign free and continued to suppress the good. In regards to why I left… the pain, the memories it brought up, it was too much. I was a coward. If I could go back, I'd stay. Tell you how I felt. Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you. Regardless of if I kill Danarius… if there is a future to be had then I will walk gladly into it at your side. I have already drunk myself into a stupor for the past month to get to sleep."

Tears streamed down my face as I hesitantly reached up and placed a hand on his cheek – he leaned into it. I whispered, "Is this… real? I-I… I don't think I can… take it if… if it isn't real my love. Please tell me…"

He leaned in and kissed me, "Ara – I love you… I do, I love you. And… if you will have me, I… I got… something for you…" he looked so red as he slid down to his knee and presented a ring made of Lazurite and detailed with flames. I tackled him – causing him to cushion me firmly and hissed, "The baby…"

"The baby is in a stage where it is really hard to hurt right now – this isn't going to hurt him. Yes…"

I kissed him and he kissed me back, "I am not Andrastian – so I do not need a chantry wedding like Alistair had… but if you wish… we could do a 'wiccan' wedding?"

My breath caught and I almost lost control of my heart.

Cullen cleared his throat, "As for… for me?"

I almost flinched, "Cullen… you shy away each time you look at me; you tense up each time you touch me; you may love me – I can feel it – but you are also reliving everything you went through in Kinlock each time you see my abilities in action. This isn't… something you should endure. It's not right of me to ask you to endure that. And honestly… I… Cullen, I know that I'm not so amazing of a catch that… you could overlook that. I was there – I was at Kinlock… you remember that each time you look at me. I remind you of your trauma each time you look at me – because you recall I was there and…"

I took a shuddering breath and continued as Fenris moved to gently pick me up and pull me into his lap as he sat up, "Cullen… I can't continue to hurt you like this. I told you this morning how much I loved you – and if letting you go will be best for you then… as much as I don't want to, I will. So… I would court Hawke seriously while I'm pregnant. If no feelings develop, then I will… I would hope that Sebastian would be willing to court me more seriously. If not… I'll find… someone. Cosmo was willing to court me – and he was the runner up in the tourney that chose who would be my secondary mate back when the law about that was still in effect. Even better – he's wind born, so he'd be better suited to take the place of an Air mate."

Cullen looked stricken, "You've… thought a lot about this?"

"Baths are a universal think-space. I went through… a lot of options. Goddess; you broke up with me almost 6 months ago, Cullen… I shouldn't be clinging to you like you're a lifeline when you clearly don't want me. I get it – not all soul-mates… work out. I guess I read too many romance novels to expect… I should have known, anyway – I wasn't exactly prime pickings back in America anyway. I'm used to not being desirable – and seeing all the slim, beautiful women in Thedas, I really shouldn't have expected that I would be my mates' 'type'. I think I said something similar to Alistair during the Blight – Leliana, Morrigan, Wynne… they were all slim and beautiful… and there was me. I get it – I really do."

Fenris was frowning, Bas looked pissed – surprising me – and Hawke was gritting his teeth. Cullen looked down at his lap, "Ara… do you really believe that… you're undesirable?"

"Of course I'm desirable – I'm a damn goddess in bed. But for long-term… I'm a mess. I have so many insecurities, so many bad memories, and I'm clingy and not very nice to look at… I know that I'm not that great of a partner in terms of marriage – but sex is good. How else would I have been such a whore back on earth?" my voice sounded bitter.

"Your masters…" Fenris started. I shook my head, "No, Fenris – I would sleep with pretty much anyone that asked between 17 and 20. I once whored myself out for food too – because my gay ex-husband got me to move out to live with him while I was married to him and ended up starving me. The neighbor guy gave me food, I slept with him. I was a whore – there is really no denying it."

"That… that's survival – it's different," Bas frowned.

"Is it? Some of the guys I slept with just because I wanted to know what it was like with 'a guy like him' or so on. Some of the girls I slept with just because they actually showed an interest. Look – my status as a former whore is not up for debate. Besides – it got me the skill I like to use in bed to keep partners interested."

Hawke sighed, "Sweetness… what makes you think – in specific terms please – that you are unlovable?"

"Sometimes I have panic attacks when I peak – I get off and it makes me panic because I recall my time as a slave. Pleasure makes me panic, Hawke. I need constant reassurance – and Alistair isn't with me all day every day like he was during the Blight. He was always making sure he said I was pretty or he loved me at least once a day… fuck, I feel like Tinkerbell. She needed constant reassurance or she died. Anyway, I just… have too much baggage. I love Cullen and I love Fenris but… since coming to Kirkwall – only Fenris has told me that he loves me and that was just now. I just… I feel like… I'm too needy."

Fenris kissed the back of my head, "I am… not good at expressing myself."

"And you shouldn't have to change yourself to reassure me."

Sebastian stood up suddenly – drawing all eyes as he knelt before me and Fenris and pulled me into a kiss. Fenris growled lightly, but said nothing. Hawke was grinning when Bas pulled away.

Bas said, "I think I do have some feelings for you, Ara – I'm… not entirely sure when that happened, but if Cullen cannot be with you, then… I would like a chance. You are lovely, as I said on the trip to Denerim almost 4 months ago. You are exactly the type of woman I would have been with before."

"That… isn't actually reassuring – you were quite the slut yourself back then," I gave a wry shake of the head.

Bas chuckled, "So I was – but if…"

Cullen spoke, "Do I not get a say?"

I looked at him, "You do – but Cullen… you've made it clear several times that… you don't want to be with me. Just this morning, we went over it again, didn't we? I'm still hesitant about Fenris at the moment; he left me so recently – I just… I don't know what to say about it other than… I'm weary he'll do it again."

Fenris tightened his arms around me slightly – for just a moment – before saying, "If I do, then I want someone to drag me back by my 'delicately pointed ears' as Hawke said. I will not leave you again if I have any choice in the matter."

"You have things to do in Tevinter in 9:40 and 9:44. You can join me after you do the thing in 9:40 – but it needs to be done. I… I love you Fenris – but if you leave me like that again… I don't know that I could stand it."

"It almost killed me to walk away from you, Ara. I have been perpetually drunk since then."

I snuggled into him. Cullen said, "I… I don't want to lose you…"

Hawke scoffed, "Cullen – you are hurting her. You are there one second and cold the next. You keep trying to cut away parts of her – and that is bound to hurt like a bitch. You hold her at night – and go back to being strangers during the day. I'm sure it hurt less when she wasn't pregnant – I'm sure it hurt less when you weren't dangling a Maker-Damned bone to her each night by holding her and then walking away in the morning like nothing happened. It's just straight up abusive of you to give her so much hope and dash it – over and fucking over again every night for the last month. You either need to man up or let her go. Fuck, Cullen…"

Cullens' face was reminiscent of when a man was given a reality check. I heard the wobble in my voice as I said, "I… it hurts to see you so loving at night – and so distant during the day. The only exception is Alistairs' nights – Mondays, he shares my bed. I… I'm so tired of feeling so much pain. My chest aches each morning and soars each night – I get my hopes up that you might finally be returning to me because you look so caring and like you love me… but the next morning, I see regret and disgust in your eyes – I feel it so sharply…"

"Those aren't…! I mean… I don't feel those things directed… at you… I regret ever breaking up with you and… and I'm disgusted with myself when I see the hurt in your eyes each morning. You always look so excited to see me at night – it's so… beautiful to see on your face. In the mornings, you look… scared and you cower away from me like I have hit you and… I find myself questioning if you don't trust me to not hit you. I…"

I was apprehensive – was he… confessing or…

"What are you trying to say Cullen?" Fenris asked smoothly.

"I think… I'm trying to say that I do want to be with you – I do want to wake up to seeing you whenever I can, because that look in your eyes when I lay down with you at night makes it feel like… I could do anything. I… would like another chance, Ara – if it isn't too late for me to ask."

Sebastian was now sitting – rather than kneeling – in front of me. His hand was holding mine. I bit my lip, "Are… are you sure? I know… the memories you experience… it isn't fair to you…"

"And Hawke is right – it isn't fair to you for me to do this to you… you feel my love for you and you feel like it keeps getting snatched away when you misread why I'm feeling regret or disgust or other things. That isn't it – I've known… you stole my heart from the moment you offered me that waterskin back at Kinlock. In fact, I recall thinking about how I hoped to get to know you. Even in the midst of the pain from… you shone like a beacon of hope for me."

I felt hesitant still, "And… and when you learned I was with… Alistair?"

He ran a hand through his hair, "I thought, 'Why? Why would she want to be a Mistress when she deserves so much better?' and… I was trying to get you out of my head. I felt horrible after a few months when I still only wanted you, so I broke it off with her. I just… I didn't think, with you being Alistairs Mistress that you'd ever be with me. Not until that note came from Mia. Actually that note came a week after I broke up with… and then two days later… there you were; a recruit told me you were there and I couldn't get to you fast enough. And you didn't pull away when I kissed you. Then you hand me that blasted note from the King telling me that it was okay for me to be with you – and you said you were like the Fae that had mates… I was overjoyed… I tried to believe that you were just 'like' the Fae and not actually Fae. I… when the expedition came back without you, I almost went nuts – as you know. I was so relieved. Honestly, given the chance, I would go back and slap myself for breaking up with you and seeing the hurt in your eyes."

Hawke reached over with a hand out, "I could do that for you."

"I… deserve no less for my cowardly actions," Cullen sighed.

"I understand, love. I can't begrudge you finding solace in another womans' arms. Honestly, with you, I'd be more surprised if it were a mans' arms." I was totally teasing him – trying to lighten things up.

Cullen sputtered and shot me a look, "I… well… I can't say I haven't wondered what that might be like."

The whole room stilled and I said, "Er… shit."

Fenris chuckled, "I'd be willing to oblige if it got me back into your bed, Amatus."

My breathing got heavy and I groaned, "Shit – don't tease me. Just this morning, I was in dire need and now… fuck."

Hawke frowned, "You could have called for me to help you."

Cullen awkwardly explained, "She uh… she was going to. I offered to… help her, but when she thought I didn't really want her, she said the mood had… passed."

"And then she had a bath where she came to the conclusion to let you and Fenris go?" Hawke asked.

I nodded, "We… well… yeah, pretty much. Also, I er… then talked to Rain about it. He made me swear to talk it out with Fenris and Cullen before going through with it. So here we are…"

Hawke sighed, "Sweetness – if you really want to try and actually date me, I'm here; but to be honest, you'd do better letting Sebastian take over as the more permanent replacement if you go that route. If Cullen if finally pulling his head from his ass, toss him in the bath to wash off the stink and give him a second chance – since I know it's been hurting you thinking he might not return to you. I like you, Sweetness – but only as a friend and possibly enough to get into bed once or twice just to see how that goes, you know? I've been in bed with Bela a few times but… I think I'm kinda… falling for her. No – don't; I'm not stupid enough to tell her when I'm not positive she feels the same. She'll break things off faster than we killed those slavers back before the expedition. I'll wait for her to realize she loves me before I ever tell her otherwise. Anyway, my point here is that Choir Boy would make a better 'mate' if Cullen fucks up again. And Cullen – if you fuck up again, you will not get her back. Look what almost happened – you almost lost her for good. Rain tells me that Rejection is a permanent and very painful process; that the pain is shared among the mates to keep one from dying. If you had pulled your head from your arse sooner, we wouldn't have to worry about if Ara might be feeling worse than broken. She's carrying our kid – and her emotions are in maximum working; she would feel a little sadness as the worst sorrow of her life as a pregnant Fae – Fae don't just get the normal mood-swings or such; their feelings are enhanced to the point where everything is more intense – taste, sound, sight, emotion – all of it."

Fenris looked sick, "You were going to do something that would… harm you so much… to let us 'go'?"

I shrugged, "I would have used my empathy to keep the impact on you all to a minimum while not killing me; and it wouldn't have happened until after I gave birth so that I didn't harm the baby. I was… I've been feeling on the verge of losing it, Fenris… I haven't felt this upset since I attempted suicide."

Cullen hissed, "You did what?"

"It was back when I had given birth to Levi – I felt… well, it wasn't even post-partum depression; I felt suicidal because of many things finally coming to a head. The whole… I was taken to a healers' building – a hospital – and put on what they called an 'M1' hold. They kept me for a week to make sure I wouldn't try suicide again and all the while they had me talking to healers that specialized in mental illnesses. They eventually diagnosed me with depression, general anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and a slew of other things. My time as a slave had caused me many issues."

"What does M1 stand for?" Sebastian asked.

"I have no fucking clue – but it usually applies to a suicide hold or crazy people… I think? I don't know. If you say you were on an M1, then generally, people know you tried to commit suicide or had a mental break. I uh… I thought this went without saying, but I don't know everything about Earth. Just because I was a surgeon doesn't mean I was taught the technical term for something that the nurses and general docs would usually deal with. So anyway… uh… Cullen, are you… coming back to me?" I asked for the second time today.

He looked relieved, "I would like a second chance, yes."

I curled into Fenris in relief. Sebastian said, "And I would like a real chance myself – as a secondary mate. Maker only knows that I don't think I could find someone else when I think… I think I'm falling for you; even just a little…"

I flushed and recalled… a female Hawke could have become his wife – and I don't think it was ever mentioned who would be his wife if he didn't marry her… I think I just assumed it would Flora Harriman so he could have the support to take back Starkhaven… was I wrong?

I mean – I saw no reason why I couldn't be wrong; I wasn't perfect. Maybe he was only in contact with her because she was the eldest child and thus the heir? I coughed and flushed, "That is… something we will need to discuss with Alistair present – and I don't mean just Alistair; I mean Alistair, Fenris and Cullen. I once told Alistair that I didn't think I'd entertain secondary mates, but I know that he understands that I needed to do this to satisfy laws… he'll be at the Dress fitting, so we can talk about it there."

"Fair enough – I cannot argue that much."

Speaking of… there was a knock at the door from Magma telling me that it was now time to leave for that fitting.

I knew all five men were sitting out in the waiting room discussing Sebastians' request while the Air Sylph seamstress was working with me.

The dress was reminiscent of a Greek dress – it had the gold around the spot just under the bust and the straps. And the flowing strips of fabric just over the left shoulder that came around to hook on my left ring finger with a thin loop. It had a red sash thing on the left side, clipped in place at the shoulder and tucked under the gold belt like thing. It was floor length, but paired with thigh high strapped sandals that had a flat heel. We also had a gold decorative band accessory that would be on my upper right arm and a gold necklace with a single light blue gem.

I didn't design this – this one was the seamstress. Apparently there was a Queen from Ancient Greece – though Adara called it Greece, not Ancient Greece, of course. When I mentioned that – for me – it was Ancient Greece, the Seamstress almost fumbled. For Danu, that queen was from a simple 150 years ago – the Queen before last. I mentioned that it was more than 2500 years since that time period for me.

I was amazed at how it looked both ancient and modern, but the seamstress said she based it to look like something Queen Adara would wear while using clothes that I generally wore as inspiration.

Apparently it was tradition to honor the queens before you during your coronation – I had told the Seamstress that I wasn't well versed enough to pick a Queen and so… she did. Adara had chosen to name herself 'Athena' though her name from before was documented. It was tradition to rename upon coming here as a Vessel – because you were no longer you, and you were not the one who once had the body, but you were someone completely different.

I suppose – from that standpoint – it made sense. I walked out of the changing room – we left my hair loose at the moment, though it would mostly be in a strange wavy ponytail with diamonds in it later – with a few strands loose and a golden 3-layer chain to keep it in place.

I smiled when all five men looked at me and dropped their jaws. Alistair – being the most dramatic of the bunch – stood slowly before kneeling before me and saying, "Has the Maker blessed me? You are the vision of a Goddess, my love."

"That's uh… that is actually sort of the point. This style of dress was from an ancient empire back home that worshiped a whole Pantheon of gods. And it was said that they modeled their clothes off what the gods wore, so…"

Fenris spoke smoothly, "Mission accomplished."

The seamstress was beaming at the praise. Alistair – still kneeling – took my hand and kissed my inner wrist. I flushed and said, "Do you really like it?"

Sebastian cleared his throat, "Well, if I liked it any more, there may be an accident."

I laughed at the message he was sending – and instantly understood that there had been an agreement when Cullen, Fenris and Alistair didn't all glare at him… oh… had they… agreed to…

I looked down at Alistair in confusion, "Did you come to terms, my love?"

"He may court you – and if feelings develop then he can join us as Mates; of course, this is all dependent on if you want him." Fenris replied.

I shrugged, "He is rather good looking – and I've always had a thing for men with Scottish accents… now if I can just get him into a kilt…"

Hawke picked up on the gleam in my eye, "A what?"

"It's er… not a skirt?" I flushed.

Sebastian blinked, "Then what is it?"

"A knee-length non-bifurcated short dress with pleats at the back – meaning… it doesn't have pant legs… and… it is generally plaid using house colors. Honestly, I think Kilts are so sexy and would likely jump any of my mates wearing one. You can wear it with a shirt and tie – I think a Victorian collar shirt would work well with your build. Add a five-button waist-coat; black leather belt and Celtic knot silver buckle; black leather semi-dress sporran – which is a pouch worn at the waist; I'd certainly add a fly plaid with a round silver broach with the Vael-family crest on it; a sword shaped Kilt-pin; black or white hose with a flash of the opposite color to keep them from sliding down; Ghillie Boots in a cool black and polished to a shine; and finally, Sgian Dubh – a small, single-edged knife worn tucked into the top of the kilt hose with only the upper portion of the hilt visible," as I spoke, I actually drew it out and handed it to the seamstress.

When I finally finished and handed it to her, I said, "Make sure it's in predominantly red and black. The round crest needs to have three drakes surrounding a chalice."

Sebastian stood and came over to glance at the drawing and wend bright red, "You want me to wear… that?"

"It would complete the fantasy – and if it helps, I'm making Alistair and Cullen wear them too. Cullen will do it as his punishment for leaving me and making me all upset and whatnot. Alistair will do it because I'll be very amorous if he does. I won't do that to Fenris – his penance will be something else… don't know what yet."

I began sketching out Alistairs' and Cullens' designs – making sure to color them.

Alistair sniggered, "We're going to become a fashion statement. How much do you want to bet that these Kilts will be all the rage in Orlais within the next year?"

Cullen hoped up to come look at the paper too and his eyes widened, "I-I… Maker – tell me you didn't invite Mia if you intend for me to wear that?"

I grinned, "I cannot tell a lie."

Hawke – now having his interest piqued – came over and began laughing, "You're gonna make them weak skirts?"

"They are not skirts! They are time honored traditions among the Scotts and… my main reason for making Alistair wear one is because – traditionally – they are worn without small clothes."

That did it – Fenris had to come look now too and even Alistair took a peek. Alistair shrugged, "I did tell you that you could get me into a dress."

I forgot we'd had that conversation while we waited for Aedan to wake up back after Ostagar – I had threatened to make him wear a dress and he'd quipped that it'd better be a pretty dress.

I looked up at Sebastian with a pouty face and pleading eyes, "Please?"

He flushed deeper, "I-I… oh, very well. I will… wear the outfit to your coronation next month…"

Cullen cursed, "I can do no less – as you are setting this as my penance for…"

Hawke pouted now, "I don't get one too?"

I snorted, "No – because your house colors are the same as Sebastians. Red and black are the house colors for the Vael family. Cullen is getting gold, red and brown. Alistair is getting red Auburn and a light yellow-gold. Fenris would get black and silver if he wanted a set."

Fenris shook his head, "I do not."

I shrugged, "I didn't think you would – it's too open. Cullen is used to wearing pants under his knight-captain skirts."

"They're not… skirts…" he muttered.

"No – but I don't know the fancy term you guys use; my point is that you should be fine wearing this. Alistair already told me he would back before I officially joined the group during the Blight. As for Sebastian… well, like I said – I'm a sucker for a Kilt."

All three men nodded – and the Seamstress said, "I'll tell no one about this – it'll make a bigger impact when they walk in that day if no one has seen this before."

I smiled, "That would be appreciated. Thank you Astra."