Being eaten alive by a bunch of cave creatures couldn't keep me from the Festival of Ice.
But a cold certainly could. If this was really just a cold.
My nose had suddenly become a faucet the day before, but it was nothing a steady supply of tissues couldn't remedy.
By the time I'd gone to bed, though, I'd developed a cough. And now, every breath brought a 50% chance of hacking up a gallon of phlegm.
I felt the warmth of my blanket (plus the warmth of Laslow at my ankles), remembered how much colder the outdoors were... and figured the outside world could possibly kill me while I was in this state. Willy could have this year's competition to himself.
I think Laslow knew what was up and tried to kill me in his own way.
While I was eating lunch, he was on a windowsill, staring intently out the window. He must have seen a bird or something.
When I looked down at my plate, though, I suddenly heard the noise of something ramming into the window... and I looked up to see that Laslow hadn't even bothered to back up after faceplanting into the glass. He just continued to stalk, his tail waving in anticipation.
Later on, when I got hungry because I hadn't eaten much for lunch, I was eating a box of mini saltines.
Before I knew it, Laslow was next to me, sniffing the box... and I couldn't even blink before he'd put his orange head into it and emerged with a cracker in his mouth before hopping off the bed, presumably to take his new prize somewhere where I couldn't steal it back. Ah, well, one wouldn't hurt him.
Finally, I went to the kitchen to make dinner... when, right above the sink, I spotted the most demonic-looking spider. Like, this thing belonged on the poster for a death metal band and not above my fucking sink.
My first instinct was to grab Laslow and make him kill it.
But he wouldn't even look at it. I held his face right up to it, and he just looked down at my faucet as if I was just casually holding him and wasn't sending him on a murder mission.
So I tried to move him a little closer.
The spider proceeded to shoot down into the sink, then out from the sink, right toward me.
I screamed, backed up a few steps, and held Laslow in front of me like a shield. Unfortunately, though, the shriek put me into another coughing fit.
This was also when I heard a few quick and hard knocks on the door. It was as if whoever was knocking had heard me scream and thought I was getting murdered. I hoped I didn't scare them that much.
And just my luck, I went over to the door, not even bothering to put Laslow down but instead holding him in one arm, and opened it to find that it was a very concerned-looking Sam that had knocked. And that Sebastian and Abigail were standing behind him, also looking very concerned. And now I'd probably just given them my plague.
"Hey," I said sheepishly.
"Hey, are you alright?" Sam asked. "You screamed."
"Fuck, you heard that?" I sighed. "...There was a spider." I looked behind me at the kitchen. "And now it's gone. Wonderful."
I noticed Sebastian and Abigail get just a little closer to each other. I hoped I hadn't just given Abigail any undue anxiety.
"You also don't sound so good," Sam said, referring to how utterly congested I sounded. "I'm guessing that's why you weren't at the festival today."
"That's exactly why," I nodded. "I decided it was probably best if I stayed warm and rested today. Who won the fishing competition?"
"Willy," said Sam. "He said it felt strange without you there, though."
"Really?" I asked, blushing a bit. When I took a breath to say more, though, I started to cough again.
"...Say..." said Sam, seeming to have gotten an idea. "I could catch that spider, if you want."
Once I could catch my breath, I replied "Aw, really? I'd appreciate that... if I even knew where it was."
"We'll find it," said Sam.
Then, Abigail said "I'll, uh, stay out here." Sebastian nodded in agreement.
"Oh, no," Sam replied. "We're gonna catch this thing, and you're gonna look at it. It'll help you face your fear a bit."
"Sam..." Sebastian started to argue. "Don't make her do that."
"No..." Abigail said. "...He's right. Maybe... if I look at it from a safe distance... I might become less scared of it."
I wanted to tell them how demonic this thing looked, but I decided not to ruin Abigail's pursuit of courage.
"Alright!" Sam said, entering my house. "Let's find this thing!"
Finding the thing was really just Sebastian and Abigail sitting on my bed, Sam looking around my kitchen, and me looking around the kitchen from a bit of a distance.
After maybe five minutes, Sam asked "Is this it?"
He was on the opposite side of the kitchen from the sink... referring to the spider being on one of the cupboard doors.
"Yeah, that's it!" I said.
"You got any clear glasses?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
I opened the cupboard that was two doors down from the spider, grabbed a clear glass, and handed it to Sam.
Before I could open the next cupboard to get a plate, though, Sam... in one fluid motion... had scooped the spider up in the glass. He was now holding it sideways, plugging the opening with his whole hand. Who... Who was this man? And was it bad that I felt myself fall even harder for him in that moment?
Abigail saw Sam start to carry the spider over to her and curled up, holding her knees together and burying her face in them.
"Man, this thing is gnarly," Sam commented.
As soon as he stopped right in front of Abigail, she hesitantly looked over her knees at the spider in Sam's hands.
Weirdly enough, the spider didn't seem to be pissed at all. It just kinda... stood there. Maybe it was a humble spider that knew when it had been defeated. And if a man keeping it encased in a glass with his whole hand wasn't defeat, I didn't know what was.
Abigail just sorta... stared at it for a bit. Actually, we all did. All four of us were staring at this creature with some level of fascination.
After a period of time, Abigail finally set her feet back down on the floor and said "Huh... I... actually do feel a little better."
"Really?" I asked. "That's great!"
Sebastian was smiling.
"Awesome!" Sam said. He then pretended to go to hand the spider to her. "You can keep it!"
"NO, no no," Abigail flinched, holding her hands up. "You can have it!"
"Alright, alright," Sam chuckled.
"...But... what can we do with it?" I asked. "Maybe I could keep it as a pet, and Abigail can come look at it when she's feeling brave."
"How long do spiders even live, though?" asked Sebastian. "That one may be on the end of its rope, and that's why it didn't put up a fight when Sam caught it."
"As much as I want it out of my life, I wouldn't feel right putting it out in the cold," I said.
"...I guess I could keep it until it dies," said Sebastian. "I've got some jars at home."
Sam then went to give the spider to him. It was a simple exchange; Sam handed Sebastian the glass, and Sebastian quickly put his hand over the opening.
"It's almost kinda cute!" Abigail tried to convince herself.
"Maybe giving it a name will make it less scary," I suggested.
"Yeah!" said Abigail. "...How about Ralph?"
Author's note: As I was writing this, a stinkbug showed up in my room. It's disappeared.