Maura's POV

When Maura woke up it was still dark outside. But the first rays of daylight already stretched out their fingers through the dark sky. The rain had stopped, and it was going to be a sunny day. This was the day Maura had to check in at General Mass for further examinations.

She silently sat at the edge of the bed in their motel room and glanced out of the window. She had missed sleeping with Jane. And before sitting up she had snuggled deep into the brunette's arms, enjoying the warmth and safeness coming from Janes body. A strong and still muscular body, yet soft and warm.

Maura had untangled herself after a while because she had had to use the bathroom and was sitting on the edge since. Literally sitting on the edge, she thought because she didn't know what to expect or what was awaiting her. A few nights at the clinic for the exams sure. But she hated that she had no more control. And despite spending hours of research in her medical journals and books it had hit her that the statistics couldn't foretell the way her treatment would go.

Was she going to be part of the 55% who overcame the cancer or was she going to mark one more death among the 45% in the statistics? Statistics were just possibilities she decided, and it weirdly annoyed her. In times like these she understood that a gut feeling maybe wasn't that bad after all. Jane only relied on her gut and most of the time she was right.

But she didn't dare to ask Jane for her gut feeling about her sickness because if it was bad, she didn't want to know.

Jane had always been the perfect partner with her caring and loving way. Maura smiled softly and watched the sun raise slowly over the awakening town. And she had always been the perfect mother. Maura highly doubted that Jane even realized how much the kids looked up to her. If she had to go… No! Maura put a stop to that thought about how Jane would manage to raise the kids alone perfectly without her.

She swallowed hard and let her eyes drop to the hands which were resting in her lap. They lay perfectly still and calm while she thought about calling her lawyer to talk about her last will.

Jane slowly began to stir behind her while waking up. "Good morning." Maura said when turning her head and smiled. She crawled back into Janes arms who pulled her petite body close like she often did when they woke up together on a day off.

"Morning." Jane murmured like she usually did which made Maura giggle slightly. Jane yawned and nuzzled her head into Maura's golden hair. "You okay?" she asked, her voice still thick with sleep. Maura nodded. "Yes. Are you?" Jane wiggled her toes which was also part of their morning ritual and which made Maura giggle every time. "Guess so, at least I lost no body parts over night." The detective replied.

Maura initiated a gentle kiss which was deepened by Jane. "We need to get up if we want to get some of the breakfast." The blonde stated, hearing Janes stomach rumble. It was almost 9 am and breakfast would be served until 9:30 am. Jane reluctantly agreed, and Maura felt that she would have preferred to stay longer in bed with her to enjoy some more cuddling.

Janes POV

Jane made Maura eat some breakfast. She understood that the doc wasn't hungry. Neither was she. But they had to eat. After finishing their meal which consisted of some unhealthy white bread with marmalade and coffee, they packed up their belongings and got back on the road.

They briefly talked about their further proceedings and then travelled for a while in comfortable silence. Jane felt better and more optimistic today. They also had chatted with their kids this morning, feeling relieved to hear that everything was okay at home.

As for the rest she had mixed feelings. Maura had suggested for her to start working again the next morning. Jane understood that she couldn't do anything while Maura was going through the exams. But she would come to the hospital after work so that they could spend time together.

She felt glad that they talked again normally and worked as a team. She felt Maura's hand on her thigh and gave Maura a smile.

Maura's POV

After insisting in Jane bringing her immediately to the hospital, she sat alone in her room and glanced at the white walls. It wasn't that Jane had offered to stay with her and hold her hand, but Maura needed some alone time and had sent her wife home.

She had spent a lot of time researching her tumor in medical journals, her medical encyclopedias and the internet and felt helpless. It bothered her that she knew everything and yet seemingly not what she needed to. Everything bothered her lately which was no wonder seen as to how the tumor was messing with her brain.

A nurse entered the room with a tray of pills and a thermometer to measure her temperature. The woman was nice and smiled a lot of reassuring smiles to Maura who simply nodded and followed the ordered procedures in silence.

She wondered what Jane was doing right now. What was going through her mind Maura wondered after saying good night to the nurse whose shift would soon be over. The nurse left the room with one last smile and Maura kept sitting and staring at the wall.

The silence felt good, but at the same time maybe a little bit too lonely. Maura opened her phone to check for more facts but got diverted by a message to the family app group. The girls had sent three pictures which made her laugh at the beginning. Each of the pictures showing them making goofy faces and Angela was obviously shaking her head in the background.

She saw Jane come online and felt a shiver without knowing why. On one hand she kept Jane pushing away, telling herself that it was for the brunettes best. That she would hurt her less with her bursts of anger.

But on the other side she had never felt so close to her wife like she did in moments like at the motel the previous night. Maura sighed and closed the app to move on to some pages. "You don't have to fight this alone." Jane had argued two nights ago, when Maura had sent her to sleep on the couch.

Maura knew that she was right. But she needed time to come to terms with it. As did Jane. She silently calculated her chance of survival which wasn't that bad and tried to ignore the hurdles which would lead her to her goal.

Whenever she felt weak, she thought about Jane and asked herself what Jane would do. Jane would equally send her away to come to term with it herself. Probably also to hide her vulnerability. Jane was a good partner she decided. And a good mother. And she had probably no idea how much the kids looked up to her.

Maura swallowed again. She was confused and in an emotional turmoil. She missed Jane and hoped that her wife wasn't mad for her sending her away.

Analyzing Janes reply to the kids' message, Maura decided that she sounded normal.

Janes POV

Jane was pacing the floor of their home not knowing what to do. Maura had sent her home to have some rest. It was clear that her wife was distance a lot lately. But then again, she was close. After crying a lot over the past days, she had no tear left to shed. She was also tired of doing research. They would have to wait for the latest test results anyways.

Buddy was following her movements with wide eyes and she decided that it was time to go outside with him. After quickly changing into her running gear, she left the house with him. The fresh air filled her lungs and made her feel better.

Despite the upcoming darkness she ran her usual 5k before taking a shower and throwing some convenience dish into the microwave. When her phone buzzed with a new message, she grabbed it in the hope for a message from Maura. But it wasn't from the blonde but from the kids. Obviously, they were trying to cheer them up and make Angela mad. She laughed and replied quickly with a few emojis.

When she realized that Maura was also online, she shivered. She wasn't surprised though when her wife didn't reply. Jane knew that she was busy rationalizing her sickness and her situation. She would do the same in her situation.

She missed Maura though. She left the kitchen after finishing her meal and went to the master bedroom after making sure that Bass was okay.

R&I

The following week passed rather quick for both. Maura had many exams and Jane had started to work again. She spent her entire evenings with Maura though, only going home to sleep. Jane brought Maura flowers every day and added a letter to the bouquet so that Maura could read her thoughts when she was gone.

It wasn't exactly like a diary but more than love letters. The blonde never commented on them, but Jane could tell that she liked them, so she kept writing them each day during lunch break. Somehow, they found it difficult to talk about Maura's cancer. Maybe they were just too scared or didn't want to spend their together time with the somber subject.

Jane was sure that Maura did everything possible to get rid of it. She had considered offering help several times but had concluded that Maura needed more of them laying on her bed and doing normal stuff like watching TV or playing cards.

When it was time for a meeting with the head of the neurology the mood changed though. The laughter subsided and got changed into worried glances. Jane just pulled her arm around Maura who snuggled against her chest.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" the blonde asked against Janes thumping heart.

"Yes, of course." Jane said and pulled Maura a bit closer. The blonde fell asleep quickly in the warmth and safeness which Janes body provided and left Jane with a racing mind. The next day they would learn about the test results which would serve as basis for the decision of chances and treatment.

R&I

Waking up in her crumpled cloths she turned to find herself alone in the bed. After listening she heard the spray of the shower and called her mother. Angela who had looked slightly mad on the pictures from the other night sounded friendly and kept calling her kids angels. So, it couldn't be that bad Jane deducted with a grin. Her mother always managed to keep calm which soothed Jane who was a bit stressed out but prepared to fight whatever it was that threatened Maura. She grabbed the docs hand and squeezed it, while they were waiting for the doctor to arrive. He was a bit late and Maura's worried eyes kept searching Janes which transpired the full calmness she had gathered by talking to her mother.

"We can do that." The chocolate eyes said, and she squeezed Maura's hand again. Then the door to the room finally opened and both gave the elder man a glance.

He stood in front of Maura's bed, resting a tablet on the small table next to it. Jane heard Maura swallow and felt her nervousness. It made her squeeze Maura's hand gently. She smiled when the squeeze was returned a bit later.

The doctor started to speak slowly without glancing at his digital help. He came from a time when they used charts and paper. He began by telling them about the results of the blood tests and the brain scans. He went on to say that he had a plan for Maura's treatment in mind. It was pretty much the same to the one the doctor in New York had suggested. First Chemotherapy, regular brain scans and then operation.

The chemotherapy would go on at least for one month. But Maura would only have to come into the hospital to receive the infusion and could go home then which seemed to be good news to everybody. Jane quickly gauged Maura's reaction and was happy when she saw a small smile.