Finally! It's the end of Civilian Enji Todoroki! Let's get back into action. I hope you like tha chapter.

I Am...

"Aomoto wants me to put your attention on formula C," Nakamura told him on their way to Tokyo to get the psychological evaluation over with.

Enji didn't know what was so important about formula C. The day before, Nakamura had handed him five documents he had to fill out before he would meet with the commission-approved team of experts that would – as Nakamura had guaranteed him – simply be there, to make the psychological evaluation look legitimate. The five documents were numbered A to E. A simple datasheet, a document asking about his prior medical history, and one rather lengthy questionnaire asking about lifestyle, health, substances, medication, etc. They'd also asked him to sign a confidential agreement. Formula C was just an application form for his license.

"It's the same form I filled out when I first got my permanent license at 18, what about it?" A few questions aside, it was indeed identical to the formula he had filled out almost thirty years ago. It was even a bit concerning, he thought – how little the applications had changed.

Nakamura made a face, as if he knew his boss wouldn't like what he had to say. "They informed me that you might… consider changing your hero name." His lips stretched into an unhappy smile.

Enji scoffed. "Did they?"

Nakamura shrugged. "I told them you wouldn't listen, but they think… a rebranding might be in order."

Enji laughed. "Rebranding? What, do they think people will just forget who I am if I change my name?" It sounded absurd.

"Just think about it," Nakamura replied, "and if you don't want to, nobody can say I didn't inform you of the possibility."

Enji wasn't particularly happy about the suggestion. Still, it was hardly Nakamura's fault. "Thank you," he gritted out between his teeth. "I didn't know that was a possibility. I will… think about it."

"Yes, sure." Nakamura leaned back on the bench opposite Enji in the limousine. Enji would have about an hour until they would arrive at the Hero Commission headquarters. Barely long enough to come up with a different name – even if he wanted to. If Nakamura had really wanted him to change his name, Enji thought, she should've told Enji sooner, not last minute.

They arrived without interruption just a few minutes early. Nakamura stayed behind, leaving Enji to do the evaluation by himself.

A team of five people, three men and two women, greeted him in a spacious office that would've made Tanaka green with envy. He handed over his filled out documents in a closed envelope, and waited patiently as they quickly opened it to check for completion.

None of them had nametags, though they'd introduced themselves with their names and jobs. Enji quickly decided that he really couldn't be bothered to remember all their names. There was a short, fat man with round spectacles, who was a psychiatrist focusing on heroes. An elderly woman—her name was Honda—in her late sixties, introducing herself as the doctor to take his physical. Watanabe, formerly known as the hero Bumblebee, was meant to bring in his expertise as a former hero. Then there was a man with a bushy mustache, who was apparently a health trainer who would also be helping with his physical. Lastly, , the youngest: a woman with a pink bow in curly hair, who was another psychologist.

When Nakamura had first told him that the evaluation was supposed to take three hours, Enji had been confused as to what they were supposed to do for so long—but apparently, as he now found out, his evaluation contained a full physical. He assumed it was a smart decision by the Hero Commission. This way, they could lean on his expected stellar performance in a physical test to overshadow his (probably much worse) mental state.

Enji hated it though. Every minute of it. He was asked to give blood, urine and hair samples for the physical, before they took his pulse, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels. They then asked him to strip to his briefs. Bushy Mustache and Honda catalogued any one of his scars and old injuries. They checked his lungs and the reflexes on his limbs. Then they asked him to do X-Rays – on for his left arm and one for the newly healed right arm – after deciding the scarring on these limbs was too extensive to simply catalogue it and be done with it. Lastly, they beckoned him over into the third room to do a fMRI of his brain.

The first hour was already over by the time he was finally allowed to change out of the hospital gown they had given him for the test back into his regular clothes. However, that wasn't the end of the physical exam.

After a short break, he changed into a pair of boxers and Bushy Mustache hooked him up to an EKG as he was asked to perform several tasks in a small gym. Those were fairly easy, though Enji still felt like a lab rat as he was asked to run, jump, ride a bike, and do push ups on command. None of it was very taxing, though, and for the first time, Enji thought he was actually doing fine. Bushy Mustache grinned a little when he finally told him to change back into his regular clothes one final time.

Two hours had already passed by the time he went back into the office. Didn't have much time left for a real psychological evaluation. He assumed that was the point, but was still somewhat disappointed.

"We see you are already under treatment?" Spectacles asked, glancing at the medical history Enji had provided. Enji only nodded. He wrote it down, so obviously it was true. He didn't see a point in reaffirming it. "For PTSD? Since when, if I might ask?"

That too, Enji had included in the document, but he assumed they were just trying to get this farce over the time. "Since last month, roughly."

"Any progress so far?"

Enji blinked stupidly. How would he know? It wasn't like there was a clear scale to measure that as if he had a fever or something like that.

"Do you feel you've gotten better?" Pink Bow specified. She frowned a little. Both of them did, actually, he noted.

"I can talk about it now," he shrugged. Which he assumed was progress, though it didn't feel monumental. Not as much as he had hoped after a month of therapy. Last session, they had talked about Touya, and he pushed the thought aside. After that meeting with Tanaka, he had cried all night, feeling wobbly and weak even the day after. It was better now, but thinking back on it, he could already taste the bile rise in his throat.

"That's progress," Bow Tie agreed, though she was scowling. "Your problems came due to your work as a hero?"

Enji was a little put off by that. He was used to Tanaka's open smile and calm patience—not whatever this was. The way these two looked at him made him feel as if he'd kicked their puppies. Part of him thought they had watched too much gossip TV and had their minds made up about him already, but something told him that wasn't it.

"Partly," he said, raising his shoulders a little. He felt defensive. "It's mostly to do with my family."

"I see," Spectacles said, studying the medical history lying before him. "Do you think it will impede your work?"

"No," Enji said, because he knew that was expected of him. If he himself admitted that he couldn't do his word, the commission's efforts to push him through this exam would fail.

Spectacles looked like he had bitten into something sour. "That's good to hear. How is your training going?"

"Better now." He didn't tell them what he meant by 'now'. It was true, though. He had tried to take Ootsu's advice to heart. Instead of pushing himself to reach the same heat he had before, he spent a lot of time just doing what he did well and exploring where this would lead him. When he managed to heat up Fuyumi's bowl of soup without touching it, it was the first time that he'd realized that he had apparently gotten a lot better at his control. Enji didn't know if that was due to years of experience, or because his lack of anger just naturally made control easier; but he didn't remember being that good at control in the past.

"So, you've kept up with your training?" Pink Bow asked curiously.

"Not all the time," he answered honestly. "I didn't do much in January and February. But I've started again in March."

"That would be around the time you agreed to do this evaluation?"

Enji scoffed a little, because he noticed that they left the word 'psych' or 'psychological' out this time. They themselves were aware of what a farce this was.

"Yes." He nodded. "Around the same time."

"What led to the decision?" Pink Bow sounded curious again. "If I may ask?"

"Yaku Insurance," he said simply.

"We know you were there. How did you take it?"

Enji shrugged. He assumed he had taken it better than most civilians—ater all, it was not the first major catastrophe he had lived through. However, going through it as a civilian, instead of a hero, had felt different. He'd been afraid, constantly, that he might fail the kids who needed him, and that he'd need rescue. That had been new—Enji had felt a lot more helpless during the entire encounter.

"I'm healing well." He settled on, although he was sure that hadn't been what they were asking about. Almost a hundred people had died during that attack. The Yaku Insurance Massacre was a national tragedy. When Enji closed his eyes, he could still see people falling to their deaths. He knew he'd never forget that… but… He had been a hero for too many years for death to still get to him the way it did to most people. The people he'd failed to save were still weighing on his conscience, but theirs weren't the faces in his nightmares.

"Good…" Pink Bow looked at Spectacles for a moment.

Finally, Spectacles coughed, reaching into his suitcase. "We have a few tests we would like to run. First, we'd like to show you a series of pictures, and you will tell us what you think about them. Then we have a small questionnaire. Finally, we want to take you through a few scenarios using VR-technology. Is that alright? This should take roughly 45 minutes, all in all."

"That's alright," he said, almost glad that they would do at least something, although he wasn't expecting much from these tests.

"For the final test, we need you to sign this consent form. To make sure that during the experiment you hurt neither yourself nor others, we will have to administer a drug that will paralyze your body for roughly fifteen minutes."

Enji made a face. He'd rather not…

"Rest assured that it is perfectly safe. You won't even realize it. Through our VR technology, you will be connected to a virtual avatar that will be controlled directly through your brain. You won't even feel that you aren't actually moving."

Enji hesitated. That didn't make it any better, he decided. "The effects will last fifteen minutes?"

Pink Bow nodded. "Fifteen minutes. After this, you may still feel groggy for an hour or so, and you'll probably need a good meal before it feels normal again, but there are no lasting effects beyond that. It will be the last test, so after that, we'll let you rest until you're ready to speak about the results of the examination."

Enji still felt skeptical, but ended up nodding anyway and decided to just get it over with.

They handed him the first picture. He didn't know what he'd expected, but it definitely wasn't the image of a maybe five-year-old girl on a Bobbycar. "It's a girl," he said, deadpan.

"What does this make you feel?"

He looked up at Pink Bow and raised his eyebrows skeptically. "It's a girl. What am I supposed to feel?"

Pink Bow pinched the bridge of her nose. "As a hero, what do you think if she drives past you?"

"On her Bobbycar?" he asked mockingly. "I don't know. It's a small child. In a residential area, I wouldn't think much about it. In the middle of the city? Maybe I would wonder where her guardians are."

Spectacles picked up on his choice of words. "Guardians?"

"Parents, whatever."

"Okay, what about this one?"

The next image was of four boys in their late teens lounging around a street corner. Enji scoffed. This seemed pointless. "Four teenagers," he said, giving the image back to Spectacles. "Doesn't make me feel anything."

"As a hero, would you wonder what they're up to?"

Enji scoffed even harder now. "No." These four didn't even look particularly threatening. Sure, they looked like they wanted to be intimidating, but Natsuo's scowl was way more frightening than theirs. And Natsuo, as a matter of fact, couldn't harm a fly. The worst these kids could do was go lounging around and drink illegally, which wasn't really his main concern.

The next picture was of a businessman with a rather ugly mutation quirk. Enji now understood the purpose of this exercise. They wanted to see his response to different people, to see if he was at all suitable to be a hero. Of course, none of them expected him to fail.

"A man. Mid-forties. No threat." He said, giving the picture back. His answers were getting more succinct, now that he knew what they wanted.

The next picture was of an actual villain he remembered vaguely from a few years ago. "Villain," he said. "Threat level low to high. I think the name was… Maur… Modre?"

Spectacles sighed. Clearly, Enji wasn't supposed to recognize him, but they'd be hard pressed to find a villain of the last thirty years Enji hadn't at least seen a picture of at some point. "Martenteeth."

"That one."

The last image they gave him was tricky. It was a civilian, but there was something in their eyes Enji didn't like. "Civilian," he said. "No immediate threat, but I think I might be wary around him."

Pink Bow nodded, scribbled down his final answer, and took the picture back without any further questions.

"Who is he?" Endeavor asked, interested. He wasn't sure if his answer had been right.

"Munshige Shiro. Seven days after this photo, he murdered two of his neighbors." Spectacles answered as Pink Bow shuffled all the photos together and put them away.

The questionnaire was short and easy, asking several questions about the standard procedures during hero work. Enji didn't say a word, didn't ask any additional questions, and was done after ten minutes.

Finally, the VR-experience. Although he dreaded having a drug administered that would leave him paralyzed, he was somewhat curious what this would be like. Enji knew what VR was, of course. During patrols, sometimes Brazen told him about the games he was playing in his off-hours. There was even a VR-system in his gym, much like this one, that their sidekicks could use to train certain scenarios, but he had never used them himself—simply because the prospect of having to paralyze his own body or risk accidentally burning down the entire agency had been a bit too much for him.

They led Enji into the same room, where Honda had done his physical in. He laid down on the somewhat hard cot while they fastened an anode and cathode around his temples, connecting them with wires to a computer system. Then, they placed the VR goggles over his eyes.

He felt a small prick in his arms. And that was the last he felt, before he was thrown right into what felt like a game menu.

Enji was confused, as he saw the cursor move without doing anything. Pink Bow or Spectacles, he realized, they must be at the computer. At some point, he was asked for a verification and a password, and again, someone else typed it in for him. The cursor disappeared, as did the menu and the loading screen.

Confused and still a little disoriented, Enji looked down on himself. At first it felt odd, like his view was oddly constricted, as if his body was floating in space instead of standing on the street, that he could clearly see in front of him. Then slowly, the feeling settled down. His view broadened, he started to hear noises, smell the stench of traffic. He moved his hands in front of his eyes, and their movement felt natural, even as he tested each finger individually. He wiggled with his toes, and even though he couldn't see them, he felt them moving.

It doesn't quite feel real, he thought, but real enough.

Then his musings were interrupted by a loud honking, followed by squeaking tires—and instinctively Enji stepped aside, just out of the car's path. He stared at the vehicle, which came to a screeching halt just a few moments later.

A man climbed out of the driver's seat, walking on wobbly legs. He looked drunk, and as he staggered towards a group of women, yelling insults at them, his voice was slurring. Enji finally pushed the novelty of this new experience aside and went to work.

The situation didn't calll fo violent interference, so Enji went for deescalation. He went to calm the man down. But that had the opposite effect. The man raised his fits, and swung wildly. Enji quickly kicked his legs out from under him. He was apprehended without problem, even as the man continued yelling and slurring his words. Enji didn't get a pause to consider the whole scenario, as shots rang out from across the street.

Shit! This wasn't realistic, he thought. There had been no sign of this before. These shooters just came out of nowhere – Never mind that actual street shootings had become quite rare.

Wanting to stop the villains, he quickly decided that evacuation took priority. All around him, civilians were already running away and clearing the area. The only one, who couldn't – of course – was the drunken driver he had just kicked to the ground. He quickly lifted the man up as he activated his quirk and dragged him to the evacuation zone, handing him over to the first police officer.

Enji was somewhat frustrated. In real life, his sidekicks would've done that for him. By the time Enji had rescued the drunk, one of the shooters had already vanished, and he quickly caught the second one, before the situation escalated further.

The whole experience took fifteen minutes. What had started as a simple DUI had turned into a shooting, and mass panic, then a gas explosion, and finally a villain attack. The individual incidents were easy to handle, though in their entirety it all seemed somewhat odd and unreal. As soon as he solved one issue the next already appeared seemingly out of nowhere. A mass panic after a shooting wasn't unlikely, but it was impossible for hundreds of people to just 'pop up' out of nothing. A gas explosion could happen any time, but he would have normally smelled it sooner. Especially regarding his quirk; his flames would have shown a reaction to increased gas in the air, long before the whole area could suddenly explode.

Still, all in all, despite the scenario itself being clearly staged, it felt surprisingly real. When the villain managed to get a hit in during the final escalation, it hurt.

Coming back to reality, he had the odd experience of readjusting to his own body. For a moment, it felt as wrong and odd as moving his virtual avatar had been for the first few minutes – it didn't help that his movements were still sluggish, although he was relieved that he could move at all.

"Give it a moment," a voice suggested next to him. As Enji turned his head to look at who was talking, former hero Bumblebee sat on a round stool in front of the computer, typing something at a leisurely pace. Enji couldn't see what was on the desktop. "I take it this is your first-time using VR-Scenario?"

Enji nodded. "I have one of those in my gym at the agency, but have never used it myself. Avalanche was the one who had asked for it." While the Endeavor Agency focused on all forms of hero work, Avalanche's bread and butter was rescue work – especially during large scale catastrophes. VR-Scenarios were well-suited for training, and much cheaper than real simulations in the long run.

"I see. You did very well." Enji scoffed at the compliment. "Any feedback for the scenario?"

Enji shrugged sluggishly. "It felt unreal. The incidents themselves seemed believable enough, but they didn't happen naturally."

Bumblebee looked from the desktop to Enji. He was frowning a little. "Our test subjects didn't report these problems. Can you elaborate?"

Enji sighed. He wasn't too surprised. They had probably used heroes in the lower- and mid-rankings, if only because the company couldn't afford the higher-ranked ones. Anybody in the top 20 would've told them that catastrophes – even natural disasters – didn't just fall out of the sky like a punishment from the gods. It might feel like that however, for heroes with less experience. It wasn't surprising that the test subjects didn't notice that mistake in the programming. A hero who couldn't predict and accurately read events in reality wouldn't realize when the factors that made a situation readable or predictable were suddenly gone.

Enji spent almost an hour going through his experience with the VR technology with Bumblebee, before he felt well enough to stand up again. However, his examiners weren't finished with going through his tests yet – he assumed the laboratory tests would need another few minutes – so he had to wait for another two hours for his results. He decided to take Nakamura out to dinner. The man had stayed in Tokyo all day for him, just so he could be there for Enji's final results.

"Not just for you," Nakamura reminded him when Enji pointed out that he could've gone home by himself. "I had a court date in Tokyo, earlier today."

"What's the case?" he questioned Nakamura over dinner.

"A recent one. You wouldn't know. An airline is demanding damages because they had to reroute and cancel some of their flights, after Brazen… how did they say it? 'Endangered airspace'."

"How much?" He was about to eat a piece of chicken, before he reconsidered. "And can we afford that?"

"Roughly 15 million ¥. And honestly, no. The agency has been writing negative numbers since you've left."

Enji grimaced. He had feared that.

"Without you, we've been solving much fewer cases and much less efficiently. Plus, maybe even more importantly, people don't come to the agency as often." He sighed while he ate. "Finance keeps telling Silent Tracker that they have to downsize the company, but she's determined that once you're back, you'll have it running as smoothly and efficiently as before. It's probably the reason she is so determined to not just bring you back, but bring you back as soon as possible. We had a good financial cushion in December, but if it continues like this for another two months, she'll have to start firing people." The lawyer looked over his bowl at Enji, watching him with narrowed eyes. "The PR team keeps suggesting that we should at least rename the agency."

Enji nodded, understanding. "Because my name doesn't attract clients, and I'm not even working there anymore." It made sense, he assumed. Clients would get all the guilty conscious for working with an agency that was still named after an abuser, while not even getting the number one hero for their money. "Then change it. I don't need my name on that building." When he had first built it, that giant tower in the center of Musutafu with his flaming 'E' at the front, he had done it to rival the Might Tower in Tokyo. It felt childish to hold onto that, even if it could cost his agency the backing of the public.

Nakamura's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Well, I will tell Silent Tracker and PR to come up with a concept." He poked his chopsticks into his bowl. "So, you're doing it? Rebranding?"

"I apologize for the long wait," Bumblebee greeted him, as he reentered the office. This time, his five examiners aside, Aomoto was also in the room. Enji had brought Nakamura, too. He hoped that didn't mean that this whole meeting to discuss the results would turn into another legal battle between the two lawyers.

"We had quite a lot to go through," Honda said. "If you're ready, I think we should start with the physical?"

Enji nodded. He didn't really care what they would start with.

"All in all," this time Bushy Mustache was the first to speak. "In terms of fitness, the tests gave back excellent results. Steady pulse, steady breath. Great lung capacity. I have no complaints. Your diet seems to be okay too. We could detect no drugs or other worrying substances. As far as I am concerned, the results are very positive."

Enji wasn't impressed. He knew, that would be the easiest test for him.

"Medically, however," Honda continued where her colleague left off, tapping her fingers against the documents lying in front of her with a slight disapproving frown. "I'm afraid it wasn't quite as positive." She scowled a little at Aomoto. "The scars, of course, were expected. And you already take medication for your blood pressure?"

Enji nodded.

"Good. Of course, that comes with additional health risks, but I'm certain your doctor already informed you of that. Considering your age, high blood pressure is not uncommon."

He nodded again.

"Overall, you're facing many issues that are quite common in men above forty. There is some strain and attrition in your joints. Normally, I would suggest not lifting heavy things anymore, to decrease the risk of chronic back pain…" She looked at him as if waiting for a response.

Enji didn't know what to say to that. His personal doctor had started warning him of similar things ever since he turned forty, but he couldn't help it. Physical strain was part of the job.

"I'm trying to alleviate any issues I have through massages and chiropractics." He felt somewhat embarrassed as he admitted that. The truth was, he hadn't actually gone and taken a massage nor made an appointment with his chiropractor for almost a year now.

"Of course," Honda noted, "but Todoroki, there'll come a point, where you won't be able to massage your aches away. You're 46 now. I would suggest taking it a little slower, or in five years, you won't have an option anymore."

Enji nodded, although he knew he wouldn't be following her advice. He had already decided for himself, that five years was probably his maximum anyway. Not only because of his joints and back, but also because of his increasingly worrying blood pressure.

"Good. There are some other concerning things that you might want to keep an eye on. "Our laboratory tests show minor dysfunctions of your kidney and digestive systems." She frowned a little. "I have to be honest – I can only guess where these dysfunctions come from. I would, in any case, suggest checking this out with your personal doctor. Additionally…" Now she sounded legitimately worried, as she pulled out a dark print-out of his brain. With the tip of her pen, she pointed at the part of the brain that was circled with an orange marker on the print. "Can you see this?" She pointed at the area with her pen, but the grey print-out didn't tell Enji anything. "This look like a cerebral edema." Enji stared at the marked area as if he could somehow learn to read it. "Similarly, here, here and here." She indicated three more areas. "Though only very minor in these other three areas." She shook her head. "From what I can say, they all seem very minor and already in the process of healing, but I can't explain where they come from."

Finally, she put her pen away and looked up at him, scrutinizing him for a moment. "My best guess…" she let the words hang in the air for a moment, before she sighed and voiced her suspicions. "My best guess is that those are the first signs of a heat stroke. Does that sound about right?"

Enji hesitated. Looking at her, he finally nodded. "Sounds about right."

Honda nodded as well. She glared at Aomoto and Bumblebee next to her for a moment. "Then… ultimately, from a medical perspective, you seem to be as fit as can be expected at your age. There's nothing that strictly prevents you from working as a hero, but considering your health risk, I would advise against it."

Enji couldn't help but grimace. He knew the Commission had made the medical and physical part of the examination as big as they could just to talk away some of his psychological shortcomings – but how naïve they'd been to assume he was physically healthy. And still… "So that's an okay from a medical perspective," he confirmed in a somewhat mocking tone.

Honda glared at him. "It's an okay," she agreed. "I hope you're aware that the risks I have just mentioned include not just chronic pain and severe health risks, but even death."

Enji nodded. Death was always a risk in his line of work.

Spectacles spoke next. "As you are already under treatment for PTSD, we have no more concerns regarding that." He looked as if he had to fight every word.

Since when was a psychological condition not a concern, just because it was already treated? Enji almost snorted. It was quite obvious that neither Honda nor Spectacles were eager to give him the 'go ahead' yet that was what they were about to do. That was what they were paid for. They had already agreed to that, and if they refused it, they'd not only miss out on a huge paycheck, but also lose the Hero Commission as a customer.

"As for our other tests," Spectacles was starting to sound relieved, after already getting past the difficult part. "Your results were very convincing. If nothing else, you know your job."

If nothing else?

Enji scoffed. He wasn't sure if it was a slight against his person. Did Spectacles simply mean: 'At least you know what you're doing, apart from your PTSD and other psychological and medical issues?' Or did he mean: 'You might be an abuser and an asshole, but at least you're decent as a hero.'

"Perfect!" Aomoto exclaimed, before any of her residential experts could change their opinion. "Now, if you all could sign here and here." She moved a two-page-document over the table. "As always, you can submit your detailed written reports within the next few days."

As all five examiners signed one after the other, Aomoto turned back to Enji. "Now, I've asked Nakamura here to inform you about the possibility of changing your hero name." She said it in a somewhat annoyed tone, as if she had hoped for this all to be done much sooner. "He didn't deliver the message, I presume."

"Oh no," Enji shook his head. "He did."

"He did?" Aomoto scowled. "And you decided it wasn't necessary, then?" She pulled out the document he had signed earlier that day. With one smooth motion, she turned it around on the desk, pointing at the line in question where Enji had 'ENDEAVOR' written in bold, roman, letters.

"I don't see the issue," Enji scowled back.

"The issue is that we asked you to change your hero name." Enji was half convinced she thought one of his almost heat strokes might have killed some of his brain cells.

"I was free to interpret your message as a polite offer," Nakamura said, before Enji could even think about how to refuse. "At least, I hope that was how it was supposed to be interpreted. Surely, you are aware that the Commission can't choose a hero name for Todoroki."

Aomoto threw her colleague a poisonous glare. "He will change it, if he wants his license back."

"I don't intend to change it," Enji bit back. He might be willing to play the Hero Commission's fool who would fight their battles for them, but he would not be their puppet.

Aomoto gritted her teeth. "You are aware of the – pardon my French – shite reputation your name currently has? Endeavor is trash. Nobody likes him. Nobody wants him."

If her words were supposed to be hurtful, to Enji's own surprise, they weren't. He knew how the people thought about Endeavor. He had spent enough time watching them drag him through the mud on live TV, on online forums, social media, or even on the street right to his face. He knew what they thought of him… But that was the point, wasn't it?

The first step to atonement is to admit what I did. Let them see. All of it.

He was done hiding. He knew, their judgement wouldn't stop hurting anytime soon, but he would have to face that. Enji knew it.

Enji had told them:

Watch me!

And they had. The people had watched him, and they had seen him for who he was: a hero. And a man who had used and abused his own wife for power. A man who had beaten his own son and called it 'training'. A man who had thrown away his oldest son and buried his memory with his own regrets. A man who had ignored his daughter's needs and left her with the responsibility to raise her younger siblings. A man who hadn't bothered to look at his middle child, denying him the attention he had craved.

He had done all that, and there was no hiding from it –. if that was all he'd ever be remembered for, so be it.

I'm fine with that.

Let them see! Let them watch him!

"Changing my name won't change what I did," he told Aomoto.

Aomoto growled. "You're underestimating the power of a brand. Just because you never bothered to work on yours…"

He shook his head. "I am Endeavor. Take it or leave it."

At his funeral, whenever that would be, people would look at what he had done. All the evil he had done in the past. And all the good he had done and still hoped to do. And in whatever direction that balance would tip, he'd be fine to be remembered as either: the hero, or the villain.

That was what it meant to atone.

He had thought about this on the road all the way to Tokyo. He had considered changing his name, but what meaning would that hold? That he was trying to deny his past? That he was hoping for it to be forgotten?

Maybe in the beginning, maybe weeks ago, he had hoped for the media to finally forget about him. But he knew better now. He was Endeavor, with all the dirty laundry that came with it. When they saw him, let 'abuser' be the first they thought, he didn't mind. After all, it was the truth. It was as true as 'hero' would be.

He wanted all of Japan to watch him. His family, his colleagues – but even total strangers. He wanted all of them to watch him and to judge him – and he wanted to prove to them that he had changed. That he was better. That he could be a true hero.

If he failed, just as well. It was the effort that counted, he decided.

If at the end of everything he would only be the man who struggled but failed to catch up to All Might, who struggled and failed to atone for his sins… That was just as well.

Because that was what it meant to be Endeavor.

The most stubborn man of all.

This is maybe a little long, but I just had to put in the scene, where he's thinking about his hero name. I was waiting to say it, for Endeavor to reach this moment of acceptence. I see a lot of fans say things like 'Endeavor's redemption arc ended with Endeavor Agency Arc' or that 'Endeavor's redemption now failed because he's hit in the face with the consequences'. I always felt like this was the wrong way to read it. Endeavor's arc is about LIVING with the consequences, and it will not end or be finished until his death. I like the idea that at the end of the day even when everything is said and done, if he dies - whenever that is - there will still be people who look at Endeavor and don't know if he's a hero or an abuser, if what he did later on was enough to make up for his abuse. This chapter is about that ... I think the timing is good to, regarding the current chapters!

And now about the chapters 301/302... I love this so much. I can't even talk about all the things I want to talk about. I can't do it all here. I actually went and put some thoughts in a Youtube video, but even then I had to restrain myself, to not talk for too long.
So here are my top three take aways and we can talk more in the comments if you like:
- Endeavor in this story is growing in five different dimensions, growing beyond the restrictions of reality. I love it. He's gowing in the present, we see more nuance in the past, and he's growing in the eyes of everybod and as soon as he makes his statement, in the public too! Endeavor was a highly complicated from the beginning. Finally this is a hit in the face, for everybody who thought he was just a monster (and then suddenly changed). He's still an abuser. We can't go away fom that flashback and act as if the new informations makes him suddenly not n abuser. What this flashback does however, is to give more context. It's hardbreaking how this family slowly declined into madness and then plumeted free fall into disaster. We have two young parents - one who has high expectations of his kids and who doesn't really want kids for the sake of being kids - who probably haven't read a single 'how to parent' - book between them. Enji clearly loved Touya, and in a way his desperate attempt to stop Touya from hurting himself is more cause for his family's destruction than his obsession with All Might. It's just tragic, it really hurts!

- I'm so happy, it now looks like endeavor won't retire! For all those who thought rei would just tell Shoto to suck it up. Or that they would collectively laugh over their suffering. No she doesn't! No they don't! In fact Shoto tells him 'once you're done grieving stand back up!' Shoto being the family's hero! Shoto being Endeavor's hero! I love it! (Don't wanna say I told you so, but I told you so XD)

- Touya and Rei are more intersting now than I would've thought. In chapter 302 Touya almost turns from the abused to the abuser. Rei has been so apathetic and herself neglecting her children. This is so much more complicated than it was said before. I love how they are all talking about their own responsibilities - though I hate the kids taking the blame^^ - with dabi being the only one who doesn't actually admit any mistake. Even though he's at fault either. Of course ultimately it all comes back to Endeavor. Natsuo said it right: He's the root cause of it, but that aside the story is much more complicated than we thought. While Enji is definitely the abuser in the situation, the other members of the family are not just victims without agenda or responsibility on their own. It's so complex. We're talking about real people-problems here, barely even a story anymore. This feels so real and I love every bit of it.

What was your favorite part about the chapter?