Hello there everyone! I hope you all are doing well and having a good week.
Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for no updates over the last week, I've had a lot going on in my personal life and wasn't able to really get much writing done, or much of anything done. But still, I'm sorry for not updating, I know some of you were looking forward to it. Hopefully this was worth the wait, though.
I hope you all like this chapter, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Thank you so much for reading!
EIGHTY FIVE
"Jesus Christ Casey, if you don't sit your beaten ass down, I'm gonna kick you. Again." Shay groaned exasperatedly from her position over by the fridge, Matt holding his hands up in defense while Severide watched on in amusement from across the island, the pair of blondes having been going back and forth ever since Shay and Severide arrived ten minutes ago with lunch. From the moment they got here, Casey had been up and moving around far more than either of them wanted, as his most recent move was to help Shay get out all the plates, utensils, and drinks they'd need for their meal. And she was not having it.
"Matt, I swear, go sit down. If you break a rib because you're reaching up towards the cabinets, Dawson's gonna kill me." She chastised, Matt's eyes narrowing in half annoyance and half amusement as he gingerly crossed his arms over his chest.
"Okay, as a paramedic, you've gotta know that's not how that works." He responded without missing a beat, Shay glaring narrowly before she nodded back towards the table.
"If you want to help so bad, go put the food out before it gets cold. But don't move too much." She warned him, the man stifling an eye roll as he grabbed the large brown bag full of food and headed over towards their table, but not before shooting his girlfriend a soft smile as he passed her.
Amidst all the chaos, Gabby was sitting on the stool at the counter beside Kelly, the woman having been mostly quiet since their friends arrived, their visit somewhat unexpected as they hadn't known they'd be coming over until maybe an hour ago. But despite the surprise visit, it wasn't entirely unwelcome, as Gabby and Matt were both looking forward to getting some time with their friends. Especially considering this was the first time they'd seen them since the day everything happened.
It wasn't necessarily intentional, aside from maybe at first, but since that day almost two weeks ago now Gabby and Matt hadn't seen anyone other than her parents, her brother, or Nancy. Other than that, they hadn't seen anyone at all. But enough time had passed to where Gabby was beginning to feel comfortable at the idea of being around more people.
And that comfort is why she'd agreed to this lunch today.
Matt was hesitant at first to agree, and truthfully so was she, as Gabby wasn't sure how things would go, but they'd quickly come to the decision that it would be good for both of them to get some more human interaction. They'd had very limited contact with almost everyone, whether in person or through calls and texts, though Gabby had been talking back and forth with Shay for a few days now. But aside from that, they hadn't really made a point to reach out to their friends much, as their main goal was to focus on healing. But they were getting to the point where they knew they couldn't keep staying away from everyone, even if they weren't entirely doing it on purpose. At some point, they had to put themselves back out there into the world; more so than just seeing her parents, or going on the occasional car ride while her mom ran errands. They needed to actually get back into their lives, and seeing their best friends seemed like the perfect place to start.
"Alright Shay, the food's all set out, is there anything else I'm allowed to do?"
The sound of Matt's voice pulled Gabby from her thoughts, the girlfriend looking over as he walked back towards the kitchen, the bag in his hands now empty as his focus was on the blonde standing in their kitchen. As he got closer, Matt set the folded bag down on the counter before he instinctively placed his hand on Gabby's back, his palm running gently across her lower back as her eyes flickered up towards his face.
He wasn't watching her, Matt focused on Shay as she was currently ignoring his question and speaking to Severide, but the moment gave her a chance to take him in, Gabby's gaze flashing over his skin that was still slightly discolored from the beating he'd taken a couple weeks ago.
After it first happened, Gabby knew it would take a while for him to heal. From her own personal experience with those types of bruises, as well as seeing it often in her line of work, she knew the marks left on him weren't anything that would heal overnight. But thankfully, he was getting close to normal, though it would likely still take some time for all of the remains of that day to fully go away.
There were still some lingering bruises and cuts that couldn't quite seem to completely heal, though most of those marks were hidden beneath his clothes, Gabby being the only one who was able to see them as the more severe injuries were taking their time to clear up. But the one that was visible, the one everyone could see was the discolored skin still around his eye, as one of Bryan's harshest blows had left behind some intense bruising.
Overall though, he was doing fine, and any physical scars on her were long gone as well, Gabby sure here within a few days there would no longer be any visible reminders left on him from that awful day.
"Shay." Matt tried again when there was a pause in Shay and Severide's bickering, his hand still moving lightly across Gabby's back despite the fact he had yet to look down at her. "Do you need help with anything else?" He questioned once he had her attention, the woman pausing for a moment before she shook her head.
"No, we're good lover boy… Just gotta get these drinks to the table, then we can eat." She replied, shooting Severide one last glare before she handed him two of the glasses, Kelly muttering something unintelligible underneath his breath before heading towards the table, Shay following after him in that direction with the two remaining cups in her hands. "Come on now, let's eat before all the food I paid for gets cold." She added as she passed them, Gabby scoffing lightly before she moved to stand up.
"Yeah, she's just as charming as I remember." Casey spoke softly, his teasing tone causing Gabby to smile as he finally met her gaze.
"You know you've missed her." She responded back just as quietly, Matt huffing out a breath before he shrugged, the man clearly playing along as he gave her side a gentle squeeze.
"Maybe a little." He admitted as his hand moved to her arm, the easy look in his eye soon shifting into one much more serious as he stroked his thumb along her smooth skin, Gabby seeing his gaze trace over her face as he took a slight step towards her. "Are you doing alright?" He asked her, the worry in his eyes evident as Gabby ran her teeth along her bottom lip. "Just… having people here. People who aren't family, I guess. Are you doing alright with this? It isn't too much?"
Pursing her lips together, Gabby slowly shook her head, the simple gesture alone enough to allow Matt to relax, even if just for a moment. "I'm fine, babe." She replied honestly, Matt giving her a nod while squeezing her arm gently. "I'd tell you if I weren't, but for now at least, I'm good… and besides, we're gonna have to start being around people eventually."
"I know that, but not if you're not ready." He was quick to assure her, Matt not wanting her to push herself too much and make things worse, as he'd seen first hand the fallout from that when she did. "I know it's just Shay and Kelly, but still… if you'd rather we do this another day, we can." He tried one last time, but Gabby stood her ground, the girlfriend shaking her head once more to get her point across.
"I appreciate that, but I'm okay. I promise." She told him, Matt pausing for a second before he nodded. "It's actually kind of nice… having her here, and her just acting like Shay," She continued on, that soft smile returning to Casey's face as she spoke. "And Kelly, too. It makes things feel a little bit more normal." She finished, Matt's smile widening slightly as her words held more truth than either of them realized.
It had always been that way with Gabby, that when something bad happened, her just getting back into her life, into that sense of normalcy, seemed to be what helped her the most. And though it had taken her longer to get to that point, this time seemed to be no different, as what she needed right now was just for things to go back to how they were. Or as much of how they were as she could handle.
And that's exactly what Shay was doing now. From the moment she walked through the door, aside from a quick check in to make sure Gabby was alright, Shay had been acting like she would on any regular day. And Gabby and Matt both were beyond grateful for it.
"But I'm good right now." She added on when he had yet to say anything, Matt offering her a small smile before he nodded.
"Good." He repeated, the man leaning forward to press a soft kiss against her temple before leading her away from the counter and across the room towards their dining table where Shay and Severide were already waiting.
"I was wondering how much longer you two were going to keep standing there making out with each other." Shay spoke up when she saw them, Gabby biting back a smirk while Matt pulled out her chair for her, the paramedics sitting opposite one another while Casey and Severide did the same.
"We can go back and be a bit longer if you'd like, Shay." Matt fired back, the paramedic flipping him off just as he sat down while Gabby watched them both with a less than impressed look on her face. Though, despite their bickering, Shay's frequent teasing was like a breath of fresh air, one Gabby was glad to have around as she began to look at the food her friends had brought.
"Please, that's the last thing any of us need."
"Speak for yourself." Casey was quick to reply, Gabby raising her eyebrows as she glanced back towards him, a sheepish look soon covering his face when he noticed her stares.
"Are you two gonna keep doing this forever, or can we eat?" Severide spoke up with a heavy sigh, Matt looking away from Gabby just before responding to him.
"Don't act like you two are any better." He defended himself, Kelly opening his mouth to say something back, but then quickly closed it once he realized there wasn't much he could say, as his friend did have a point.
"They're not, but Severide's right, we need to eat." Gabby spoke pointedly, her narrow eyes bouncing around the guilty faces at the table before Shay nodded.
"Please, I'm starving." The paramedic added, all of the friends sharing a few looks before they began to dig into their food.
Shay had kept things simple, her and Severide just getting a few different things from their favorite Italian place for all of them to share, the four of them beginning to settle in as they enjoyed this time together for the first time in a couple of weeks. And, thankfully, as they ate, Shay and Severide made a point to keep the conversation light, neither one of them treading towards any territory that might be a little difficult for the couple to talk about as they just wanted to have a nice day with their friends. Especially after going so long with seeing them.
It had been difficult, for Shay especially, to keep her distance after what happened, as all she wanted to do was help her friend. To help both of them. But when it came down to it, the best thing she could've done for them was give them space. So that's exactly what she did, even though it had been hard, Shay just glad that Matt and Gabby were now in a place where they felt comfortable having them around.
"Thanks again for bringing this by, Shay." Matt spoke up once there had been a lull in the conversation, as Severide had just finished explaining a crazy call they'd been on last shift, that talk as close as they'd gotten to the topic of work since they got here.
"Of course. Thanks for letting us come by." She responded softly, her eyes flashing towards Dawson for a moment before she continued. "I mean, I know how much you two like your alone time, but I figured you might be getting a little sick of lover boy, Gabs." She teased somewhat cautiously, Shay relaxing slightly when she saw the small smile that formed over her friend's face.
"Yeah, he's not so bad." She played along, Gabby sparing a quick glance towards Matt just as he shoved another bite of pasta into his mouth, her nose scrunching up slightly when he glanced her way. "Though we haven't actually been alone all that much." She added, Shay nodding slowly as she looked to Severide, the man giving her a nod as well, silently prompting her to continue.
"Yeah, I guess with the parents around and everything, and Antonio." She started, as Gabby had been the one to open that door, the PIC nodding from across the table while Matt finished the bite of food in his mouth. "If anything, we're kind of interrupting your alone time right now, huh." She added with a laugh, Dawson shaking her head slightly in amusement while Shay hesitated for a moment, before speaking up once more. "But, uh, are they still here with you all? Your parents?" She questioned, Gabby raising her eyebrows slightly. "I know you said it was just you two for lunch, but are they still staying with you guys?"
"They're not." Casey answered, Shay and Kelly both nodding as Gabby glanced towards her boyfriend. "They went back home a few days ago… We still see them, they've stopped by every day, but they're back at home… We figured it was time." He spoke, Gabby nodding in agreement despite the fact that it had mostly been her decision.
Like Matt did with most things, especially regarding this situation, he let Gabby dictate how long her parents stayed with them. He knew she liked having them around, and truthfully so did he, so he left it up to her. But a few days ago she decided it was finally time for them to go back home, that her and Matt were fine, or fine enough to not need them around constantly. So after a week and a half of staying with them, Ramon and Camila had packed up their things and headed back home; but that hadn't stopped them from still stopping by frequently to check in on their daughter and the man they thought of as a son.
"So it's just been us for a couple days now." Casey finished, Shay and Severide both nodding as the latter took another bite of his food.
"That's good." Shay replied supportively, her eyes moving to Gabby as the two paramedics watched one another for a moment, the blonde doing all she could to get a read on her best friend. "...Right?" She questioned hesitantly, Dawson giving her a small smile before she nodded.
"It is." She responded, Shay releasing a soft breath before matching her grin. "It was nice having them here, and it helped… It did. But it was time." She told them, though her eyes never left Shay.
"Good." Shay repeated softly, Gabby giving her a weak nod before she moved her attention back down towards her food, while Matt reached out to rub his hand over her back, the clear shift in the air evident to all of them as they'd clearly moved closer to the topics they were all hesitant to bring up. "I'm glad you all had them here." She spoke, Casey nodding with a thankful smile as he looked between them, the man clearly wanting to move the conversation along.
"Yeah, we are too… But what about you guys, how have things at the firehouse been?" He questioned as they still hadn't really talked about it, his hand still moving slowly along Gabby's back while she ate, the PIC's eyes focused on her eyes as she waited for their response.
"It's been good." Severide answered simply, Shay nodding in response. "Things are pretty much normal around there, though everyone misses you guys."
"I'm sure." Casey replied with a soft laugh, the light tone to his voice bringing a smile to Gabby's face before the squad Lieutenant spoke up again.
"Don't even pretend, you all know how missed you are." Kelly told them, Gabby biting down gently on the inside of her cheek. "The house isn't the same without you all there, but it's been fine… Though Shay might kill her partner before this is all said and done." He said jokingly, but his words caught Dawson's attention as she raised her eyebrows slightly towards Shay, the blonde glaring slightly at Kelly before shaking her head.
"You don't like your new partner, Shay?" Casey asked, the blonde across from him huffing out a breath as she looked back towards the couple.
"Severide's being dramatic, he's fine." She told them, Gabby and Matt both nodding. "I mean, do I love him? No. But he's been a solid paramedic.. It's just weird, not being there with my ambo buddy." She added with a soft smile, a small grin appearing over Dawson's face as well. "But everything's good on 61, I'm keeping things under control until you get back." She assured her, Gabby's smile widening before she gave her friend a nod.
"I don't doubt that for a second." The PIC responded, her genuine words causing Shay's smile to grow. "You've always been capable of running an ambo, I know you can easily run that rig without me."
"Maybe... but just because I can, doesn't mean I want to." She breathed out before she could stop herself, Shay's eyes locked on Gabby as the woman gave her a small smile. "You're my partner, and that's your ambo… I'm just keeping the seat warm until you get back."
Dawson breathed in deeply before she nodded, Matt continuing to run his hand along her back as they all watched her, clearly unsure of what she was going to say. But to their surprise, she simply smiled, Gabby nodding once more as she spoke up. "I know… You don't need to worry, I'm not going anywhere." She told her friend, Shay releasing a relieved breath before she nodded.
"Yeah, we'll be back." Casey added on, trying to take some of the focus off Gabby. "We've needed some time… We still do, I think." He spoke, Gabby nodding slightly in agreement before he continued. "So I'm not sure when we'll be back, but when we're ready, we'll be there. We're just taking things slow right now."
"That's fine, man." Severide replied quickly, Shay nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, obviously you all take whatever time you need… We're not trying to pressure you or anything here, or at least not much." She teased, her words causing Gabby to smile as it was like Shay always just knew how to make things easier. "Things are definitely just a little strange without everyone's favorite couple around." The paramedic finished, Casey chuckling dryly as he shook his head.
"Well, I won't lie to you Shay, it has been weird for us too, being away from the firehouse, but I'm sure you all are fine… Though with Herrmann in charge of truck, who knows." He joked, Severide scoffing lightly as they all laughed.
"He's definitely gotten a little bit of an ego from you not being there." Kelly responded with widened eyes, Shay smirking smugly as Casey and Dawson watched on in amusement. "If anything, you'll need to get back just to bring him back down to earth a little bit." He huffed out, Matt sure he was only half kidding.
"All in good time, Severide." He replied with a gleam in his eye, Kelly shaking his head before taking a sip of his drink. "Like I said, we're still taking this slow… I mean, we haven't even really left the apartment much, aside from a few trips out with her parents. So I don't know if jumping into a twenty four hour shift is something we're ready for. But the second we are, you two will be the first to know… Well, aside from Boden."
"Good." Shay responded with a bright grin as she looked between the two before picking up her fork once more. "Obviously we all want you back. But no one wants you to come back until you're ready. And until you're doing better…" She trailed off, her pointed words not exactly subtle as her gaze was focused on Dawson, the woman pursing her lips together as she drew in a deep breath. "Cause, I mean, I know you're doing alright, or you say you're fine, but-"
"Shay." Gabby cut her off, her soft tone causing the blonde to stop as a regretful look flashed in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Dawson, but I'm just… I'm worried about you." She told her honestly, Matt continuing to scratch Gabby's back as he knew they were venturing into things Gabby didn't really want to talk about. "We all are. And I've given you space because I know that's what you need, but everyone's worried about you. We just want you to be okay."
Gabby sucked in a deep breath as Shay finished speaking, the PIC beginning to gnaw on her bottom lip as she thought over her friend's words. She knew everyone was worried, she knew her not reaching out to anyone about what happened was concerning to them, she wasn't blind to any of that. But just because she recognized the fact that she'd given people reasons to worry about her, that didn't make it any easier for her to open up about what was going on in her head.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything- I know today wasn't supposed to be about this," Shay began apologizing profusely, fearing she'd overstepped the boundaries Gabby had placed around herself as the mood around them had certainly shifted. "I know you're alright, or you're getting there, and that you need time, I'm sorry-"
"Shay." Gabby stopped her once more, her partner pausing her ranting long enough for Dawson to continue. "You don't have to keep apologizing, it's fine." She told her, Shay visibly relaxing as a long, slow breath left her lips. "I… You're right, this isn't something I really want to talk about, or can talk about right now I guess, but I'm okay- as okay as I can be." She spoke clearly, Matt nodding in agreement as he kept his eyes on Gabby. "I know you're worried, but I'll be fine." She finished, Shay nodding with a small, sad smile.
"I know you will be… But you're not right now, and that's why I can't help but worry about you." Shay continued on, Gabby swallowing thickly before she gave her a quick nod, the woman blinking quickly a few times. "And I'm not trying to make you feel bad, or anything like that, I just want you to be okay." She said again, Matt watching the pair with a sad look in his eyes as Gabby nodded once more.
"I know… And, uh…" She trailed off, Gabby quickly glanced towards Matt before she said her next words, the man hesitating for a moment before he began to understand what was going through her mind. And when he had, his face softened, Casey smiling gently before he nodded, like he was silently encouraging her to say whatever it was. "I know part of the reason you're worried is because I haven't really talked to anyone, but that… I'm actually-" She cut herself off, Gabby wincing slightly as her eyes moved across the table to Severide.
When he saw her look, his eyebrows raised curiously, the man not entirely sure of why she was looking at him the way she was. Not until he registered why she looked so uncomfortable right now, Severide soon feeling like he was intruding on a conversation he shouldn't be a part of.
And he wasn't the only one who noticed it, either.
"Severide, go make yourself busy." Shay spoke quickly, Kelly nodding as he placed his napkin down on the table in preparation to leave the room. But he didn't get very far before Gabby spoke up.
"No, no it's okay." She told him, the look on her face disappearing somewhat. But the hesitance was still there.
"Are you sure? Cause I don't mind, Dawson." He tried, but Gabby shook her head, her insistence evident as Matt kept rubbing her back.
"It's fine, really… I just wasn't thinking we'd be having this conversation today, but my parents and I have been talking, and I've talked to Matt about it, and… I'm gonna start seeing someone."
It was quiet in the room when those words left her lips, Shay's eyebrows furrowing slightly as it took her a moment to understand what she was saying.
"Seeing someone?" Severide asked, Gabby running her tongue along her bottom lip as a small smile formed across Shay's face, realization soon settling in.
"Yeah… I'm gonna start seeing a therapist. At least for a little while." She elaborated, Shay's supportive smile only growing as Gabby felt herself start to relax.
"You are?" Shay questioned, Gabby nodding as she leaned back into Matt's hand, the woman turning to find a proud smile waiting for her on the face of her boyfriend, before she looked back to Shay.
"I am."
"Oh honey, I think that's great." She replied, her genuine words causing Gabby to smile.
"Really?"
"Of course, yeah it is." Shay replied without an ounce of hesitation, Matt feeling an overwhelming amount of gratitude towards their friends right now, as he knew this kind of support was exactly what Gabby needed. "I think it's a great thing."
"Yeah, I think it might be okay… Maybe, I guess. Honestly, I'm still not sure how I feel about it…" She breathed out as Shay gave her an understanding nod. "But after talking to my parents, and Matt, I decided to do it. I have my first appointment in a couple days."
"That's great, Gabby." Shay replied quickly as she could sense her friend's hesitance, Severide nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Dawson." He spoke up, Gabby giving them both small smiles as she felt a small weight lift from her shoulders, the simple action of confiding in her closest friends helping her feel just a little bit better.
"Yeah… I guess we'll see if it helps. Apparently the guy I'm seeing is good at his job- Antonio recommended him." Gabby continued on, Shay's eyebrows raising slightly.
"Oh yeah?" She questioned, Gabby nodding slightly. "How'd that happen?"
"Antonio knows him from work." She responded, Shay nodding before she continued. "He's known him for years- just in a professional capacity, though- but I guess he's helped a lot of cops through their trauma on the job. Helped them get back on their feet after going through some hard stuff." Gabby explained, choosing her words carefully, as she knew that was the whole reason Antonio thought her and this therapist would be a good match in the first place. "He's well known throughout the department as being one of the best, so he was Antonio's first choice for me, I guess." She finished, Shay pursing her lips together as she nodded.
"How do you feel about that?" She was quick to ask, Gabby's confusion evident as she didn't really understand the question. "Antonio picking someone for you..." She elaborated, Dawson giving her a slight nod before responding.
"He trusts him." She replied with a shrug, Shay giving her a nod. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Yeah, it will be." Matt echoed supportively, Gabby turning towards him as she registered his voice, a soft smile forming over her face when they locked eyes. "It'll be great." He encouraged her, just as he'd done often since this idea came up.
"Yeah, for sure. This is a great thing, Dawson." Shay said once more, the blonde not wanting Gabby to mistake her question for anything more than curiosity, as everyone in the room could tell Gabby was a bit apprehensive about the topic. And, knowing Dawson, that wasn't entirely surprising. But they didn't want her to feel that way, not when they were no reason for her to. "I'm proud of you for doing this." She added, that small smile returning to Gabby's face.
"Thanks Shay." Gabby replied, though she sensed her friend had some more questions. And Matt clearly could pick up on it too, as the man slowly leaned forward in his seat, his gaze moving towards Severide.
"Kelly, you wanna help me clear the plates?" He asked, Severide nodding immediately as he pushed his chair back.
"Yeah, sure thing." He responded, Matt pushing himself up from his chair while glancing down towards his girlfriend, finding Gabby's eyes already on him.
"You need anything?" He asked, Gabby shaking her head with a soft smile covering her face.
"I'm alright, thank you." She told him, Casey offering her a similar grin before he leaned down to press a soft kiss to the top of her head.
"I love you." He murmured, his words causing her eyes to fall closed for a split second as she leaned into him.
"I love you, too." She repeated, Matt kissing her head once more before he began to pull back, but his face lingered towards hers, Gabby unsure of what he was doing as he stood leaned down just inches away from her.
"And I'm really proud of you, too." He repeated Shay's words, Gabby feeling a rush of warmth spread through her as her smile widened, that statement holding an entirely new meaning coming from him.
She couldn't explain it, and it didn't make Shay's words any less appreciated, but something about Matt telling her that always stuck with her more than other people. Like it was impossible for her not to believe it when it came from him.
Without saying anything else, Matt leaned forward to press a soft kiss to the middle of her forehead before he finally pulled back, the man beginning to gather a few of the plates on the table in front of them. Once he had as many as he could carry, he followed after Severide towards the kitchen, the firefighter having already left with a handful of plates while Shay and Dawson stayed put at the table.
From the kitchen, they could hear Gabby and Shay talking, Matt faintly hearing his girlfriend tell her friend more about how this all came up, as Shay was the type who wanted to know everything. But soon after that, he began to tune them out, Matt not wanting to intrude on a conversation he wasn't a part of as he got to the sink and began the process of washing off their dishes.
With the water running, it was nearly impossible for him to hear anything that was going on across the room, Matt focused on the task at hand as Severide brought the last of the dishes to him.
"Thanks man." He replied as Kelly set them down.
"No problem. You need any help with those?"
"Nah, it's alright. I've got it." Casey told him, Severide nodding in response before he began to walk around to the side of the island in the middle of their kitchen, the man looking between Casey and the paramedics as a thousand different thoughts were running through his mind. Thoughts he wasn't sure if he should voice. But with Gabby in the midst of a conversation with Shay, he figured now was the perfect time.
"So…" Severide started, the man keeping his voice quiet as Matt glanced up at him. "This therapy thing."
"Yeah?" Casey questioned with raised brows, Kelly's gaze focusing back on Dawson before he spoke up.
"She's really doing this?" He asked, a look of pure confusion forming over Matt's face before he nodded, his response earning a similar gesture from Kelly.
"...Why?" Matt pushed, Severide giving him a slight shrug before resting his palms down against the edge of the counter.
"I just wasn't expecting it, I guess… Dawson doesn't seem like the type." Kelly elaborated, Matt holding his tongue before he nodded slightly. "She just doesn't open up to people, especially not about this. But I do think it's good she's going." He added on as Casey set the plate he'd just cleaned up on the drying rack. "What about you, what do you think about it?" He asked, Matt pausing his movements before looking up to his friend. "I pretty much know Dawson's feelings on the subject, but what about you?"
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt's eyes moved across the room back towards Gabby, the position she was in making it impossible to see her as her back was to him. But that didn't stop him from watching her as she spoke to Shay, Casey's mind quickly going back to the conversation he and Gabby had nearly a week ago now, when she'd told him of her mom's suggestion.
"Honestly… when she first told me, I was a little surprised. But I think it's a great thing, that it can really help her, if she'll let it." He admitted quietly, Severide raising his eyebrows in question as he waited for him to elaborate, Matt releasing a heavy sigh before continuing. "It's just- there's a part of me that thinks the only reason she's going is because people want her to. Her mom, dad, me… because everyone's worried about her. So that's why she agreed to this… But at this point, even if that is the main reason she's going, as long as she's comfortable and okay with it, I'm all for it."
Severide nodded as he took in his friend's words, both firefighter's looking back over towards the table for a moment before Kelly eventually spoke up again.
"...You think it'll help her?" He asked quietly, Matt drawing in a deep breath before he nodded.
"I sure hope so." He answered honestly before glancing back towards his friend. "If she'll talk to him, I hope it does help her, because right now she won't talk to anyone." He continued on, Severide picking up on a hint of frustration in his voice. But Kelly knew it wasn't directed towards Gabby, more just the situation they were in. "She hasn't talked to me, or anyone, about what happened… Hell, I still don't even know exactly what all went on in that apartment."
"She hasn't told you?" Severide questioned in near disbelief, Matt shaking his head as his hand came up to run over his mouth.
"No, she hasn't. I told you, we haven't talked about it… About any of it. I know what she told Antonio for the report, but I don't know if that was all of it, and she… she just doesn't want to talk. To me or to anyone." He spoke, his words barely audible as he breathed in deeply. "But she needs to… She needs help." He added quietly, a flash of sadness covering Severide's features. "And clearly I can't be the one to help her right now, so I'm hoping with this therapy thing… she'll find someone who can... That's all I want for her, is to have someone she feels comfortable talking to, even if that person isn't me."
Kelly could hear the near desperation in his voice, mixed with a bit of dejection, as Casey was surely feeling a lot of different things right now. But more than anything, he just wanted Gabby to be okay. Severide didn't doubt that for a second, so whatever Gabby needed to do, Kelly knew Matt would be there every step of the way, because he always had been before.
Before either of them had a chance to speak up again, movement from across the room gained their attention, Matt quickly snapping out of his sad state and plastering a smile onto his face when he saw Gabby and Shay heading towards them, the women clearly done with whatever conversation they were having. And though Severide was a bit worried about how his friend was handling everything, how both of them were handling things, he never got the chance to check in again, as the four of them spent the rest of the afternoon continuing to catch up and make up for some of the time they hadn't had over the last couple of weeks, all of them making a point to not dive into any topics that were too heavy as they just wanted to enjoy their day together.
Dawson tapped her foot up and down against the carpeted floor as she sat with her hands folded in her lap, her eyes focused out the window of the high-rise building as the cold December snow fell down around the city of Chicago. It was oddly peaceful, Gabby unable to see anything other than the building across the street while she focused on the heavy snowfall surrounding them, the weather certainly not uncommon for this time of year as she continued to look around outside at the world she hadn't seen much of the last two weeks. The world she was still a little apprehensive to be out in.
It didn't make sense, she knew it didn't, and it certainly frustrated her more than she'd care to admit, but the idea of leaving her house still made her a little nervous. And that feeling hadn't gone away even now that she was out in the world, even though there was absolutely no reason for her to be feeling this way. But reason didn't seem to be a factor here, as Gabby still couldn't shake those lingering anxious feelings about leaving her apartment. It was the same feeling she got any time the topic even came up, Gabby not really liking the idea of being anywhere other than home.
But she didn't really have a choice today, Gabby having to push through those nerves as today was her first appointment with her new therapist.
The same therapist she was still having mixed feelings about, which certainly wasn't helping in terms of her anxiety about today.
Even after her multiple talks with Matt, her parents, and talking to Shay and Severide the other day, she still wasn't entirely sure this was the right thing for her. The idea of it was still a bit weird, and truthfully she wasn't sure if she even wanted to be here, as Gabby never pictured herself as the type of person to need something like this.
She had nothing against therapy, at all, Gabby well aware of how beneficial it could be to some people who truly needed it. She knew it could help, and that there were a lot of people who desperately needed something like this. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that, Gabby knowing first hand how one of the strongest decisions a person could ever make was to ask for help. There was nothing embarrassing, or demeaning about it, she knew that. That wasn't the issue, Gabby's uncertainty not stemming from the idea of therapy, but rather from the idea of therapy for herself.
She wasn't sure if she was comfortable with the idea of it, in bearing all her deepest, darkest secrets to someone she didn't know. It didn't seem like this was something that could help her, considering the last thing she wanted to do was talk about what Bryan had done. The thought of all of it wasn't really sitting well with her, and it hadn't ever since she agreed to this. But she stuck it out anyway, because she knew her parents, and Antonio, wanted her to be here.
She knew Matt wanted her to be here.
And so she'd try. For them, she would try.
Drawing in a deep breath, Gabby glancing down towards her watch to check the time before her gaze moved back towards the window, the woman missing how Matt watched her while they sat in the waiting room. They'd all been quiet, no one saying much of anything ever since she finished up all her paperwork maybe ten minutes ago, as they were now all just waiting for Gabby to be called in, Antonio and Matt both following her lead and not saying much as they were both trying to make this all go as smoothly as possible. Especially when both men were well aware of her uneasiness surrounding today.
And Gabby knew that was also a big part of why they were here with her right now.
When this first all started and Gabby decided to give therapy a try, she knew Matt would be coming with her to her appointments. As long as he was feeling up for it, she wanted him here, even if he wouldn't be in the room with her. But what she hadn't anticipated was her brother's insistence on coming along as well, Gabby figuring if someone else came with them it would've been her mom or dad, not her brother. But Antonio was adamant about accompanying her, at least to her first appointment. And while she found it a little strange, she had to admit that she also found it a bit comforting, as she was glad to have both Matt and Antonio with her right now, both of them having been a great support system for her as of late. Her entire family had been, and that was something she'd desperately needed.
After taking one last look out the window, Gabby turned her head back to face forward as she began to tap her fingers against her thigh, nervous energy radiating off of her the longer they sat here. She wasn't sure why it was taking so long for her appointment to start, but she figured since she'd basically been squeezed into the schedule it had something to do with that, Gabby knowing all she could do now was continue to sit and wait, while her fingers kept moving against her leg. It wasn't until she felt a warm hand reach out to cover hers that she stopped, Gabby glancing up to find Matt looking at her, his bright blue eyes settling her instantly as he ran his thumb along the back of her hand.
"You doing okay?" He asked quietly, though his words gained Antonio's attention rather quickly as they were the only people in the room, the older brother glancing over just as Gabby smiled back at her boyfriend. "Are you thirsty, or hungry or anything? I think there was a vending machine in the lobby when we came in." He offered her, as this was the second time Matt had tried to get her to eat something this morning. But she merely shook her head, Casey pausing for a moment before he nodded back.
"I'm not hungry, thank you though… And I'm alright." She told him, her eyes flashing between both him and her brother.
"Yeah?" Casey pressed.
"Mhmm." She hummed in response, Gabby noticing the unsure looks that both Antonio and Matt were still wearing. "I'm fine you guys, really." She tried to convince them, though she knew that was no easy task, the two men sharing a quick glance.
"You're sure?" Antonio asked once again he looked back at his sister, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing for a moment. "I mean, the whole… just being here. Doing this?" He questioned, Matt holding his tongue as he'd had the same concerns as well, Gabby having yet to say much of anything at all. "I know we talked about this… You've said you're okay to come here, and I'm pretty sure Mama's asked you about a hundred times since you agreed to come, but seriously Gabs… if you don't think you can do this yet, we can go." He reminded her, Matt nodding in agreement as Gabby released a heavy breath.
"Guys," She started, her eyes moving between them. "I'm okay." She repeated, a sheepish look covering her brother's face at her near exasperated tone. "I know I've been a little… hesitant, about this. And I still am. I won't lie to you and pretend I'm completely on board with this, but I'm here, and I'm okay to do this." Gabby spoke, though her words weren't entirely convincing.
But both men knew not to push it, Antonio nodding while Matt gave her hand another squeeze, Gabby looking back and forth before landing on her brother.
"Okay." The older Dawson agreed, though Gabby didn't miss the flicker of uncertainty in eyes, Antonio's head turning over towards the office entrance for a moment before looking back at his sister. "And, uh… your therapist," He started, Gabby and Matt both wearing similarly unsure looks as they didn't know where he was going with this. "You don't mind that he's… well, that he's a guy?" He questioned, Matt's ears perking up slightly while Gabby released a heavy sigh, the woman shaking her head side to side while adjusting herself in her seat. "Because everyone would understand if you'd be more comfortable with a woman."
"I'm not gonna freak out every time a man comes near me, Antonio." She defended herself, Antonio immediately shaking his head as Matt kept his eyes on Gabby.
"No, I know that, I just- want to be sure." He replied quickly, Gabby taking a quick breath as Casey continued rubbing over her leg. "Having to talk about stuff with Bryan, I…" Antonio trailed off, Matt not missing the way Gabby winced slightly at the name, even though she soon tried to mask it, her reaction only further proving why he thought this was something she needed. "I just wanted to check one last time before you went in there, and make sure you're okay with it, because I'd understand if you're not… I know I recommended him, but still." He said, Gabby biting her tongue as she thought over his words. "I just want to make sure you're comfortable with all this… We're here for you." He continued on when she had yet to speak up, the little sister breathing in deeply before responding.
"I know, but I'm fine, Tonio. And he's fine, really." She told him, Antonio's eyes tracing over her face before he nodded in acceptance, Gabby's eyes moving away from her brother to look at Matt just as he gave her hand a squeeze. Without a word, Casey leaned forward, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the side of her head, Gabby relaxing into the gesture before they pulled back apart after a few quick seconds. "...Neither of you need to worry so much."
Gabby could barely get the words out before Matt scoffed, Antonio wearing a similar look of disbelief before shaking his head, the feeling around them light as Gabby fought off a small grin. And it was in moments like these that Matt was just grateful to see her smile, the sight being something he'd never get tired of as Antonio was quick to speak up.
"Sis, look at who you're talking to." He countered, the feeling around them staying light and easy, which was something that certainly helped her.
"Fair point." She replied just as the door opened, Gabby's smile falling slightly as her eyes moved over towards the office to find a man she'd ever seen before standing there, Antonio immediately getting to his feet while his sister stayed in her spot.
"Adrian, hey." Antonio greeted, the two men coming together in the middle of the room and greeting one another with a handshake.
"Hey Antonio, it's great to see you again." He replied, the two sharing warm smiles before turning back towards Gabby, Matt still placed by her side as he waited for her to make the first move.
"Adrian, this is my sister, Gabby." Antonio continued on, Gabby drawing in a deep breath before she stood up, Matt's hand falling from hers in the process while he got up behind her. "Gabby, this is Adrian."
"It's nice to meet you." The man spoke with a gentle smile, his presence making her feel a bit more at ease than she expected, though she was still a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"You too." She replied as she felt Matt move up to stand by her side, Adrian shaking her hand before his eyes moved to Casey.
"And this is Matt Casey." Antonio spoke up again, the two men greeting one another as well before the therapist's eyes moved back to Gabby, the soft smile on his face never faltering as he glanced back towards his office.
"Well, Gabby, you want to come with me and we can get started?" He asked, the hesitance in her eyes obvious before she nodded, Gabby and Matt sharing a quick goodbye and kiss on the cheek before she followed behind him towards the door, leaving Matt and Antonio in the lobby.
Once inside, Gabby took in the cozy room while Adrian shut the door behind them, her eyes taking in her new surroundings as he came up behind her. "You can take a seat anywhere." He told her, Gabby glancing back towards him before she nodded and took a few steps towards the couch, the paramedic placing her body down there while he walked back to his desk across the room. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting," He spoke up again as he grabbed a few things from his desk before coming back over to her. "With this being your first time here, there was some paperwork that needed to be sorted out."
"It's okay." She replied as she made herself a little bit more comfortable on the couch, while Adrian came back towards her and sat himself down in the chair across from her.
"So, Gabby- is it alright if I call you that?" He asked, Gabby nodding as she placed her hands together in her lap. "Okay, well Gabby, I know your brother introduced us out there, but it's nice to officially meet you." He spoke softly, Dawson nodding once more as she stayed quiet, her hesitation easy to pick up on as Adrian watched her closely. "I know that things like this… sometimes they're a little awkward at first," He continued on carefully, the two locking eyes with one another. "But before we get into all this, I just want you to know that there's no expectations with anything here, Gabby. We can talk as much, or as little, as you want… Whether it's about what brought you here, or anything else you want. This time is for you, so you dictate how we spend it, alright?"
As he spoke, his words seemed to help alleviate some of the uncertainty she was feeling. But it didn't make the feeling go away entirely, Gabby clenching her hands together as she stayed quiet.
"Does that sound okay?" He asked when she had yet to say anything, Dawson giving him a soft nod before he reciprocated the gesture with a smile. "Great." He added, Gabby's eyes moving back down towards her lap as a heavy silence fell over them, one she wasn't sure how to break.
She didn't know what to say, or what she even entirely wanted to talk about, if she wanted to say anything at all, the quiet around them almost becoming deafening as Gabby began to feel more and more unsure the longer they went without saying anything. But thankfully, Adrian soon spoke up.
"So, I hear you're a paramedic?" He asked her after nearly an entirely full minute of silence, that minute feeling like hours as Gabby lifted her head. When she met his gaze, she nodded slowly, Dawson seeing that same welcoming smile on his face. "How's that job?" He questioned harmlessly, Gabby sucking in a deep breath.
"I love it." She answered after a moment, her words earning a nod from him. "It's great, everyone I work with is great, they're like my family… I really enjoy it." She told him, his smile widening before he spoke up.
"That's always good, having a job you love. Definitely makes the work easier." He continued on before glancing down towards the notepad in front of him. "And where do you work?"
"Uh, for the CFD, at Firehouse 51… it's just a few blocks from here." She responded slowly, Adrian nodding as a slight look of realization crossed his face.
"Oh yeah, I think I know where that is. I've driven past it a few times." He told her, it now being Gabby's turn to nod as she continued squeezing her hands together in her lap, the woman feeling a bit of apprehension bubbling in her stomach as she wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, and why he hadn't brought up why she was here. "So, I know you mentioned a little bit about it, but being a first responder… was that something that you always wanted to do?" He pushed, Gabby biting down on the inside of her cheek as her leg began to bounce up and down slightly, the nervous habit not going unnoticed by the man across from her. "Gabby-"
"I know you know." She blurted out suddenly, Adrian's eyebrows furrowing once he registered her words, confusion written clear across his face as Gabby's leg continued to shake.
"I'm sorry?"
"We don't need to beat around the bush with small talk, or chit chat or whatever, if that's what you're doing." She elaborated, the therapist drawing in a deep breath as he rested back into his seat. "I'm guessing you know what happened, why I'm here… I mean, you know my brother, he's the one who recommended you to me, so I'm sure you know what's going on."
Adrian pursed his lips together as she sat there, Gabby forcing herself to keep her eyes on him while she waited, neither of them saying anything for a moment as the counselor tried to figure out how to best respond to her, knowing this was a delicate situation. But within a few seconds, he found the words he was looking for.
"I don't know what you've gone through, Gabby." He replied, his strong words taking her by surprise as her face faltered slightly. "I don't, truly… If I did, I'd tell you. I don't know any details of what's happened to you, your brother didn't tell me much. He didn't disclose any of the things that happened that brought you here, and I wouldn't have let him if he tried. All he told me was that you were in a pretty bad relationship, and recently the guy came back. But I don't know any specifics about what happened, now or before. That's for you to tell me, if you want." He continued on, Gabby feeling herself relax a bit more as Adrian gave her as comforting a look as he could muster.
"...Okay." She murmured, her uncertainty still evident as Adrian could tell she didn't quite believe him, at least not yet, the man sighing softly before he spoke up once more.
"Look Gabby, you and I, if this is gonna work, you need full transparency from me. And I want you to have that… I'm not going to anyone else, trying to figure things out about the things you've gone through. What you want me to know, is all I'll know."
Nodding slowly, Gabby ran her tongue along her bottom lip as he gave her a moment to process his words, Adrian knowing that if she didn't trust him, they'd get nowhere fast. His job was to help her, but he couldn't do that if she was constantly worrying about what he did or didn't know, if she was apprehensive of saying too much to him. There had to be complete openness between them, or he wouldn't be able to do his job. So whatever assurances she needed, he'd give them, Adrian getting the sense this entire thing still had her a little uneasy.
"And that goes both ways, too." He spoke up yet again when she'd remained silent, Gabby swallowing thickly as she waited for him to elaborate. "Nothing you tell me leaves this room, ever. I want to make sure we're clear on that." He said firmly, Dawson giving him a slow nod. "I know I have a professional relationship with your brother, but that doesn't mean he gets to know anything we talk about… No one does. Anything you tell me stays between us."
Drawing in a slow, somewhat shaky breath, Gabby nodded once more, a weak smile forming over her lips as Adrian matched her look, the air around them certainly feeling a lot more calm than it had moments prior as he felt like they were, slowly, making some progress.
It would take time, he knew that, but the first step here was getting Gabby comfortable, and he hoped they were getting close to that.
"Okay." She murmured in response, the woman nodding slightly as Adrian watched her closely, before he nodded as well.
"Alright, good." He responded, the man crossing his legs as he placed his hand on the arm rest on his chest, his position relaxed and unassuming as he was doing all he could to help Gabby feel at ease. "But before we go further, do you have any more questions for me?"
Clenching her jaw slightly, Gabby's head ducked down as she thought over his words, the woman racking her brain to see if there was anything else she could think of to say. But she was coming up blank, Dawson shaking her head slightly before giving him a soft shrug.
"No, I don't think so. I guess just, uh… where do we start?"
And there's another one. I hope you all enjoyed it! There was originally intended to be a little bit more to this chapter, getting into Gabby's therapy session and everything, but it was all getting to be a bit long, so I decided to save it for the next one. The first scene with Shayveride and Dawsey ended up being longer than I anticipated, but I felt it was important to show, so we'll pick up the rest of her first appointment in the next chapter.
Again, thank you all for reading and I hope you liked it. Sorry again for the wait, but hopefully it was worth it.
I'll see you all next time!