Hello! I hope you'll like this chapter!

Disclaimer: I own the OCs in this fic, the rest is Masashi Kishomoto's. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or any OCCness.

Character age:

Akane, Itachi: 21

Naruto, Sasuke: 16

Shisui: 25

Kakashi: 30

I looked up when I heard a noise next to me.

"Shouldn't you get ready to go back to Konoha?" Utakata-senpai asked me, opting for laying down like me next to me.

I was at the spot Mangetsu and I would use to train.

"I guess." I closed my eyes. "Are you stuck in the village?"

"Unless there is a major crisis yes."

"You're okay with it?"

"It's not as if I wasn't expecting it at some point, I saw what the Akatsuki could do when we took Kiri back." Hum...Hoshigaki-san killed Harusame-san after all, and if it was not for Fugaku-san quick thinking, Utakata would have let loose. "I died before anyway, didn't I?"

"How..."

"There are things that are obvious Akane," he replied quietly. "Do you know when?"

"A couple of months before th..." I pursed my lips and turned my head away. "Sometime next year. Senpai..."

"Hum?"

"Don't you resent me?" I asked him, sitting up to look at him. He lazily opened an eye.

"What for?"

"Mom told me I should have been Saiken's host," I informed him. "This condition was the only one my dad needed to accept for him to become the Fourth but instead..."

"I've been a jinchuriki for twenty years, and you were a baby, it wouldn't be fair to resent you. If anything, it's the higher-ups turning children into tools I resent."

"But you..."

"I lived long enough to see Kiri stop being the Bloody Mist, it's something I never thought would happen." I pursed my lips. "You know, if you want me to blame you so that you can think you're right to feel that much guilt toward Haku, you can go to someone else."

"It is my fault though..."

"I remember you asking to be made into Isobu's jinchuriki though. Haku knew fully well the risks, they were explained by the Mizukage, by Zabuza, hell even I had to talk to him, yet I don't remember him hesitating. If anything, he was worried about you."

"...it sounds like him." I hugged my knees to my chest. "Still...the guilt..."

"At least he's alive." I looked down at him, who looked calm but… "I mean, I know I have the same back-up seal as Haku did but...it's his Ice Release that saved him, right?"

"Yeah, but..." He smiled sadly.

"It means that even if I'm caught and Saiken is pulled out of me and I survive, they would still kill me and I would be unable to defend myself." He sighed. "It's pretty depressing when you think about it." I didn't know what to say and he noticed because he looked at me. "Point is, Haku's alive and in spite of everything, he's tough. He'll wake up and feel awful if he knows how guilty you feel. Do you want that for when he wakes up?"

"Of course not!"

"Then," he said, sitting up, "get a grip on yourself Uzumaki. Your clan was a tough bunch, weren't they?" I nodded.

The goodbyes with Suigetsu, Karin and Chojuro were...quiet. I thought of that discussion while we were going back to Konoha.

It was easier said than done, really, but he was right. The Uzumakis were a tough bunch and if being a Yuki taught me anything, it was that anger was a cold, calculating old friend to me.

We all went to Tsunade's office immediately. She had bags under her eyes, an empty bottle of sake was on her desk next to paperwork. She looked up at us sternly, the lack of sleep clear in her eyes.

"I already know what happened during your mission. Everybody but Shisui and Akane go have a checkup at the hospital." They all left, some staring at us for a while longer.

Tsunade-san leaned back in her chair with a sigh. Without looking at me, she pointed her finger at me.

"You already know what I want to tell you about your behavior." I nodded. "I won't waste my breath then. However, you," she pointed her finger at Shisui, looking at him with cold hazelnut eyes, "you don't know. The Mizukage summed up what happened but as you are not one of her shinobi, she refrained herself from reprimanding you." Shisui blinked, taken back and I couldn't help but childishly be happy that he would be yelled at. "Since when does a squad leader just dismiss what the shinobi following them say?"

"I did what I thought best regarding the situation Hokage-sama." She folded her arms, not impressed.

"Did you? Really? Kiri asked for our help because we are allied, and if it wasn't for Akane also being on the team, I'd say the result of the mission would actually damage our relationship." Shisui looked at his feet in shame.

"I apologize."

"You can, because while that annoying, disrespectful and insubordinate kunoichi does not always react properly when it comes to the Akatsuki, she's still one of the most respected shinobi in the Hidden Mist, who personally took care of the jinchuriki. When it came to your surroundings, the opponents or just blatant experience, Akane beats you and you just ignored her and focused on your thoughts only. It is not how a squad leader should work, and it is not how a Leaf shinobi interacts with a shinobi from an allied village. Her behavior was problematic, but yours as well and you better remember it."

"Yes Tsunade-sama." Shisui couldn't look up from the ground. I let a smug smirk appear on my face.

Tsunade's glare wiped it off quickly.

"Out of my sight you two, go to the hospital."

"I'm good..." Tsunade-san heard me and in the blink of an eye, she had grabbed my right arm and lifted it up. My sleeve rolled back, leaving some red patched on my skin. "Oh, they came off." She sighed.

"Shisui go." He did and I could have sworn he was running away. "How many stasis seals did you put on your wounds?"

"Huh..." I counted on my fingers. "Arm...two cut...Sasuke...maybe five or six?" She slapped me on the head. "Make it seven now!"

"Do you know how dangerous it is!?"

She proceeded to give me a full lecture, while healing me, about how stasis seals should be used only as a last resort and that I could have make it worst and…stuff.

I went home late in the night. Yeah, Tsunade-san had healed me but I didn't feel that tired so I went to train a little. However, Itachi was still awake. He raised his head and frowned when he saw me.

"Where were you?" he questioned me rather harshly. I blinked and frowned.

"Hello to you too." He rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Sasuke came and told me what happened." I looked away.

"Oh."

"Akan..."

"I'm tired Itachi, I'm going to bed." I didn't even spare him a look that I went in my room and shut the door. I leaned against it and glanced at my ceiling.

Itachi was the last person I wanted to talk about this with.

"Akane, it's the fourth time this week," Sakura told me as she healed my arm. "I'm sure controlling your jutsu is hard and you're improving, but don't you think you should slow down and not focus only on this one?" I moved my fingers and left the chair.

"Thanks Sakura," I told her, leaving the room.

"You know you should try to avoid the hospital, not come here everyday!" she yelled at me from the door. I waved at her above my shoulder and heard her sigh.

Sasuke told me the same thing, in less nice terms, about how I was training. I told him to leave me alone and that he was annoying. Now Sasuke and I were used to jokingly insult each other and such, but I may have been mean this time. He may have taken it seriously, glared very hard at me and told me to 'go get myself killed for all he cared'.

Whatever, I had more important things to deal with than Sasuke.

I heard a familiar bark behind me. I turned around and saw Ganbaru running my way, Fū behind me.

"Akane-san, hello!" I nodded at the kunoichi, the Konoha headband around her neck shining under the sunlight. I petted Ganbaru on the head.

"Do you need something?"

"I'm off to train with Team Guy. Akiko-san wanted you to visit though."

"I see, thanks for telling me." She grinned and ran away, waving at me. Ganbaru ran after her.

Mom?

How annoying, I didn't have time for that.

I went nonetheless and frowned at the tensed atmosphere inside. Naruto had been sitting in the stairs, talking to Mom who was sitting at the dining table. They both stood up when I entered.

"Hi," I greeted them blandly. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, please come inside honey," she told me, eyeing my right, bandaged hand. "Were you training?" I nodded.

"Aren't you training an awful lot nee-chan?" Naruto asked me idly, looking up at the ceiling. "Sakura-chan said you come a lot." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I froze like a rookie, I can't have that happening again." He frowned at little, still not looking at me.

"Funny, I remember you saying that over training would just destroy all your efforts."

"If you have something to say Naruto, then say it," I said coldly. He jumped on his feet with a frown.

"Sasuke says you're not okay." I rolled my eyes. "And he's right. You haven't been okay for a while nee-chan, maybe you sh..."

"Would at least one person treat me like an adult for once instead of a kid?" I interrupted him coldly. "We're fighting the Akatsuki, sorry for thinking this is more important than anything else at the moment."

"How are you planning to fight if you can't even think straight?" Mom asked me sternly. I bared my teeth at her.

"Sorry to remind that, but I've never had a mother ever since I was kunoichi so don't try mothering me right now." She widened her eyes and Naruto was in my face.

"How dare you talk to her like that Akane!?" he yelled, grabbing me by my collar. He lifted me up and now I was tiptoeing. "Don't talk to Aunty like that, she's your mother!"

"Don't interfere!" I replied angrily.

"How can I not when you're being such a bitch!?"

"A bitch?" I repeated. I grinned wickedly. "I wouldn't be like that if you had been never been born Naruto!" He widened his eyes in shock.

Me as well.

The sound of the slap stopped everything. I raised a hand to my flaming cheek and looked at Mom in shock. She had never slapped me. Naruto was staring at the floor with clenched fists.

Mom's eyes were cold with fury, and disappointment.

"Don't you ever say these kind of things to Naruto ever again Akane." Her hand went back to her side and I smirked.

"Why, you know it's true."

"You are speaking like your father." This got to me.

I could have talked back. I could have.

I opted for going home instead. More like ran home. I was panting by then. I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. When I raised my head, I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

'Like your father.' I looked at my left eye, faded by the same seal he had.

I smashed my fist in the mirror, shards flying around. One cut me on the cheek while my fist was bleeding.

"I'm nothing like that piece of trash!" I screamed to no one in particular.

I wasn't like him. Never would be!

I looked at my fist and winced when I opened it. I removed the shards of the mirror in my flesh and bandaged it before going to my room. I pulled a few scrolls out of the back of my closet. Emergency scrolls in case I needed to leave. I shut my eyes close and threw one against the wall.

How...how dar...I was doing all of that to protect them, to win, to not be a hindrance like when Shisui had to save us because I couldn't move and they dared telling me slow down!? What did they know!? I didn't want Madara to come back from the dead, nor Kaguya!

The only reason I had to still be here was to destroy the Akatsuki, kill Obito before he could start the Fourth Shinobi War! Tsunade-san knew that yet she too kept me from…

Did they all want to die!?

"Aka..." I heard Minato's voice in my head.

"No, shut up." I closed off the connection, feeling it more closed than ever before.

I didn't need a lecture about friendship or that stupid 'Will of Fire'.

I fell on my knees and grabbed my head.

I was doing it for them! I was the only responsible one for Haku, I couldn't have that scenario happen again! I was involving myself this time around yet they wanted me not to!?

What the fuck was wrong with everyone!?

I was...I was trying to fix what I hadn't done in my past life, what I fucked up in this one, why couldn't they let me…

"Akane?" I looked up at Itachi. He widened his eyes slightly and knelt in front of me to look at my hand. "Akane, what happened? What's wrong?" I stared at him with wide eyes. "Tell m..."

"No." His hand froze. Was he about to touch me? "Not to you. I can' tell you." I thought I saw hurt flashing in his onyx eyes.

If I told him he'd just go play martyr and get himself killed. Itachi...I couldn't lose him again.

"Then you can tell someone, at least," he whispered, not showing any feelings.

"Stop..." I whispered even more quietly, but he heard me.

"Stop what?"

"Stop pretending to care!" I yelled suddenly, pushing him back. He fell on his ass in shock at my outburst.

"A..."

"I'm just a disposable foreigner, stop pretending to care when you'd sell me out if it came to it! Just...just leave me alone Itachi!" He blinked and any emotion vanished from his eyes.

I felt like I had the Itachi who was in the Akatsuki in front of me for a moment.

"Fine," he said coldly as he got up.

I heard the front door closing harshly behind him. I felt like this scene had happened before, where I screamed at old Itachi that he could kill me because it was what he did, that I was nothing and he shouldn't scold me. He did leave too. However, I remember screaming at him to stay.

This time I didn't.

Itachi didn't come back. I left a few bills with a note saying 'for the mirror' written on it. I looked around and adjusted my bag.

I was leaving.

More like defecting.

I was aware the Kage tried to force open the connection, but I kept it close. Everyone here was holding me back. I didn't care what their reasons were, but they were all trying to stop me from doing my job. I had a mission and it was more important than what a Hidden Village would make me do.

I should have followed Obito back then after all. Being directly in the Akatsuki would have been more useful. Anything I did could have been done by someone else these past couple of years.

I blew one good and obvious option.

Could I still...would he still accept me? He did say back then it would be the only time he'd ask me. But if I willingly went to him…

I put a concealing seal on myself and jumped out of my window, closing it behind me.

"I think she's going to try to defect. Tonight." Tsunade frowned at Itachi, Kakashi sighing heavily by the window.

"What makes you think that?"

"She snapped, for good," he continued. "It's not like before, it's...I don't know how to explain," he told her, fists clenched hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. "She told me she was a disposable foreigner, I'm afraid she might try to go to the Akatsuki and be a spy."

"And accept the offer the Uchiha made to her." Tsunade sighed as well. "She snapped at her mother and Naruto as well today. Sakura told me Akane has been going to the hospital a lot for cold-related injuries. She even snapped at Sasuke."

"The mission with Haku triggered her for good," Kakashi added. "Hokage-sama..."

"Yeah I know Kakashi, I should have been more honest. Itachi, what do you know exactly?"

"About what?"

"Akane, what do you know?" He pursed his lips.

"She...has important knowledge."

"Do you know where it comes from?"

"She only told me someone had told her things." Tsunade leaned back in her chair, the sun setting outside.

"That's more than I thought she'd tell you."

"Can I know?" Tsunade looked at him and he frowned. "I know it's what makes her miserable, I..." He stopped himself. He lived with her, he saw her sinking but had been unable to do anything.

"Unfortunately, it is a secret only Akane can tell you. Too many people know already and she didn't tell half of them. Kakashi, make a team. Get Sasuke, Hyuuga Ko and Temari. The last two often train with her, they should know a thing or two. Keep Akane from leaving the village." Kakashi nodded and him and Itachi left.

"You think you could have done more, don't you?" Kakashi asked him as they were exiting the building to go down the stairs. The Uchiha didn't look up. "You're going to make me lose my money."

"What money?" Kakashi shook his head.

"Nothing, nothing. You shouldn't blame yourself though, Akane has issues. If you had tried to help her before she was ready to get help, it would have made it worst."

"Because the situation we're in is good?" he replied sarcastically.

"Not really no, but at least we saw the signs and could prepare. If you'll excuse me I have to assemble my team. Oh, and Itachi?"

"Hn?" Kakashi eye-smiled at him.

"I don't know what she told you, but it must have been to push you away. Don't think to much about it." The Hatake left in a silent body flicker, leaving Itachi alone in the street.

He knew that much, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.

When the night fell, Kakashi and his team were already following Akane. Pakkun was leading them, Kou making sure they were keeping a safe distance between her and them. The air was thick with tension. Kakashi shot Sasuke a look.

He was furious. He didn't show it, just a mere frown, but there was an anger in his eyes he had rarely seen.

Akane seemed to go for the small weak link in the invisible barrier around Konoha, here to detect anyone coming in and out of the perimeter. The good thing was, she had to go through the training grounds, those with no water in sight. If she...tried to force her way out, they could...force her to stay.

"Clearing," Kou whispered to him. Kakashi nodded.

"I'm going to talk to her, you stay hidden and wait. If she starts to force her way out of the village, then you'll intervene at my signal. Temari, don't let any markers of hers be useful. Kou, knock her out. If you can't, Sasuke, use your sharingan to do so. I'll do the talking."

"And if she stops?" Temari asked him with a poker face.

"I'll signal you everything's under control and you'll report to the Hokage." Sasuke gritted his teeth. "I know that what this sounds like Sasuke, but we don't have a choice."

"I know, I just can't believe it came to this," the young Uchiha muttered. "If...if I had said something earlier..."

"Now's not the time to wonder who's to blame. Right now we need to stop her."

"Kakashi, it's now or never," Pakkun informed him.

"Understood." He jumped down and made himself known.

He saw Akane stopping in the clearing and looked at him above her shoulder.

Her eyes...were almost dead-like. There was no spark, no...nothing. He knew that she needed to hit rock bottom before seeking for help but…

It was hard to see someone he had known since she was two turn out like that. Kiri had asked, almost begged, the Hokage to do something for her mental state.

'If I fail now, you will all kill me when I join you, won't you sensei, Kushina-san? Obito, Rin and Fubuki, you guys as well?'

"Kakashi," she greeted him blandly, "fancy meeting you here at this hour."

"Yeah, it's funny how coincidences work. The road of life has funny turns, don't you think?"

"I know, trust me on that."

"I'm sure you do Akane." The slight movement of her hand almost made him want to grab a kunai.

He had known her since she was toddler but he also was more than aware that...he would lose against her. That is, if she were to go seriously at him with the intent to kill.

The brat was in a league of her own only a few individuals had reached. Even if it bothered him to admit it, it was a league he doubted he'd ever enter.

Sasuke and Naruto would enter it by blowing up the door one day though.

"You should know it's okay to ask for directions when you get lost though." She smirked bitterly.

"I fail to see how keeping me from moving is giving me directions."

"If you don't move there's less risks of you getting lost, don't you agree?"

"Or it's giving me a reason to reach my destination without staying on the road."

"Sure, but I doubt you'd be able to go back where you come from after."

"Kakashi," she said, almost annoyed. "I'm growing tired of the analogy, just tell me since when you've been tailing me."

"A while."

"I guess I'm still not good enough of a sensor to detect you," she told him idly. "Are you here to stop me then?"

"As I really don't want to deal with the aftermath of you defecting not only Konoha, but also Kiri, then yes, I am here to stop you."

"I'm flattered one of the best Konoha has was sent to stop me."

"Flattery will get you nowhere Akane. So, why would you leave?"

"Konoha is strong enough," she stated as a matter of fact, "but someone needs to get inside the Akatsuki and try to make it collapse from the inside. I'm disposable, and the Uchiha hinted more than explicitly his interests in me."

"Sure, but if it collapsed on itself then I doubt you'd be able to escape." She smiled, almost as if he had just told her a joke.

"I'm not planning on escaping." He frowned.

"A self-ordered suicidal mission?" She laughed.

It sounded broken though.

"More like a self-inflected curse I can't escape!" She bit her lips and looked at him.

There were emotions now.

She was begging. Begging for what he didn't know, but she was begging.

"Don't make me fight you Kakashi, it's the last thing I want to do," she told him.

"Trust me, it is the last thing I want to do as well but you know I can't let you go like that."

"...why?" He looked at the sky. A cloud went by the moon.

"Well, I guess there are people, like me, stupid enough to care about you and your well-being." She growled, almost like an animal.

An already, badly wounded animal.

"I don't need it."

"I'm sure," he replied casually, "thing is, we still do."

"How did it come to this?" he heard her mutter to herself, shaking her head. "Sasuke and Naruto...they were supposed...he was supp...did I steal that too?" She looked up. "Faith in me you said?"

Who was she talking to?

"I'm not useful here Kakashi. I have to be useful, I need it."

"You are."

"No I'm not!" she suddenly screamed, surprising him. She now had a kunai in her hand. "I'm...I'm...I need this!"

"Why? Does hunting the Akatsuki makes you feel useful?"

"Of course! It...it gives me a purpose! I..." Her bottom lip started to quiver. "I need it...I need to feel useful, I need..." She looked deep in his eye. "I need it to feel alive, shouldn't you understand that?"

Oh.

That one hit home and hard. How many years did he spend in the ANBU after his team's death, looking for a purpose in his life, a reason for which he was still alive and they were not?

"Before...I didn't feel it as much before but now the Akatsuki is active it..." she clenched her fingers on her top, crippling the fabric. "I feel so empty now. It's been like that for a while but recently it just...it became unbearable, I have to take matters in my own hands." She gulped and adopted a defensive position. "If I have to take you down then..."

"Then you'll be attacking a jounin of the Leaf first, because I'm not raising a hand against you Akane." That being said, he still raised his forehead protector. She widened her eyes at the sight of the Sharingan.

She made a step forward, but it was slow. Enough for him to body flicker behind her and blocked her arms by slipping his under her armpits, his hands behind her head. She dropped her kunai.

"Akane, you don't really want to leave," he whispered to her. He felt her tense at his words.

"Wh..."

"Let's be honest here, if you had really wanted to leave Konoha, you would have teleported to a marker out of the territory. You chose to walk instead. Akane, you wanted someone to stop you."

"I...I..." He let her go and she fell to her knees. "I...I don't know...I don't know anymore..." He crouched next to her, rubbing her back in a soothing motion. "Kakashi...I..."

"I know Akane, but we'll pick up the pieces for you this time." She looked up at him with wide eyes. "You've been picking them up on your own for years but clearly, you've never managed to keep them together for long so you know, until you can we'll pick them up for you." Tears immediately filled her eyes and she buried her face in his chest, hands gripping it as if her life depended on it.

"I'm sorry Kakashi-nii!" He hugged her back, lowering his headband to hide his sharingan.

He signed his team to go to the Hokage.

"The nickname had to come back now," he whispered to no one in particular.

'Kashi-nii, Kashi-nii, look what Obito-nii gave me!'

'Heh, I'd like my jacket back at some point you know!"

Well, he succeeded at least once.

Hey! Thanks for reading and leave a review to tell me what you thought of this chapter! Thanks to Raylis, j8a8c8y and regina veritas for the reviews! Shisui is not very supported regarding his decisions huh...

Ikigai is a Japanese concept meaning 'reason of being' for anyone who didn't know and it will fit the arc pretty well.

Bye!