Later in the evening after part 56:

11/10 later:

Hey

Hi Bella

Are you doing ok?

I think so. Thank you for earlier. You are so kind Bella. It means a lot to me.

You're welcome, thank you for trusting me.

I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

You don't need to apologise Edward. Everything's fine. I'm glad we cleared the air.

Me too.

What are you doing?

Just painting some watercolours.

Anything interesting? Sorry to interrupt.

I was just working on some scenery in one. I was just finishing up.

I'd like to see your paintings one day.

Maybe one day.

I'd like that.

Do you want to talk about earlier? You had me worried there.

I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry I spilled my beans like that.

I'm not. You can't carry everything by yourself Edward. Y

ou're not an island. You need friends to share things with too.

That's true. It's lonely trying to keep everything together by myself.

Esme and my family try hard to support me

and I'm grateful but they can't understand properly.

Not really.

What is it like? Hearing other people?

Well.

It's noisy. And as horrible as it sounds it can also be quite boring.

I know what everyone is going to say before they speak,

the lies they're going to tell me, the secrets they

don't want me to discover. A lot of what I hear, almost all of it,

I wish I couldn't. It's like being in a crowded hall with everyone

chattering all the time.

It must drive you crazy, it sounds awful. Can you tune it out?

I can somewhat, but it's still there, like the sound

standing next to a highway, or of cicadas in the summer.

Is it ever quiet?

When I'm far enough away from people, yes. It's one reason I

spend so much time alone. Although at home I can

hear my family, if they're in or near the house.

Do they know?

Yes. It annoys them mostly, the lack of privacy.

I try not to focus on their thoughts so much and give

them as much respect as I can about it.

I see. That must make things kind of tense some times.

It certainly does.

But you can't hear me?

No. I've never met anyone else I couldn't hear. Only you.

I wonder what's wrong with me.

Nothings wrong with you!

I like it.

You do?

You're the only one who can surprise me.

I never know what you're going to say.

You make it sound like it's not such a bad thing.

It isn't. It's so peaceful.

Thanks.

So, how long have you been able to do it?

For some years now. I couldn't when I was a child though.

Do you know what happened to cause it?

I'm not certain, but perhaps I always had the ability,

it was just dormant before.

I see. Well, I suppose this explains some things.

I suppose so.

Like why you wanted to find out so much

about me and why you got so carried away with it.

Yes. At the time it was driving me crazy not to

know what you were thinking. It doesn't excuse my actions though.

No, it doesn't. It explains them a bit better though I think.

Being able to know what everyone would say before

they said it for years made me very arrogant.

There was no point really listening to anyone as far as I was concerned.

I can see how it'd have that effect. But you listen to me.

Yes, it woke me up to my arrogance, though I deeply

regret that it took Alice finding the things I had

stolen from you before I realised how despicable my behaviour had been.

Well, you got there in the end.

And you chose to tell me, right?

Or did someone make you?

No, I did that by myself. My family didn't want me

to as they thought it would be too upsetting for you.

I'm glad you told me. I'd rather know the truth. Always.

I have wanted to tell you this so badly Bella. For so long.

I could tell. Thank you for trusting me.

I swear I'll never tell anyone.

I trust you.

Thank you for hugging me. It was so nice.

I was worried you wouldn't like it.

Usually you don't like being touched.

Usually nobody touches me, Esme hugs me,

but she only started recently. In the summer when

I was very sad over what I did.

I'm sure she was worried about you too.

I think so. She made me promise

Promise what?

Promise not to do anything stupid

Oh Edward

You really felt that bad?

For a long time.

I'm a coward

And that's a permanent kind of running away.

I was worried that you might feel like you wanted to end things.

Do you still feel that way?

Sometimes, but I promised Esme I wouldn't.

So I'm going to keep that promise. I don't want to hurt her and Carlisle.

It would break my heart. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

You're crying?

Yeah

Oh god I'm so sorry. I should never have said anything.

I want you to though. I want you to be honest with

me and tell me this stuff. Bottling it up is really damaging to you.

But when I talk about this it hurts everyone.

It only hurts me to think you were so alone.

I'm always alone.

You're not now. You've got me.

Promise me you'll tell me if you feel like that again?

You are such a good person Bella.

I never want to burden you and I fear I do so regularly.

Helping you helps me though.

It makes me feel useful and valuable.

You are. So valuable.

So are you. Just promise me. Please.

I promise.

Good. I don't ever want you to feel that alone again.

I don't feel alone when I'm with you.

Good, you're not. Don't forget Ok?

OK

[another while later on the same evening]

Hey Edward

Yes

Where did you apply for college?

I applied to Dartmouth and Harvard already, I

'm sending off my applications to Yale and UW

in the next week or so.

Wow

How about you Bella?

I applied for UW too, I can't go out of state as it's too expensive.

I've also applied to WSU, and Whitman, but I'd need to get a

great scholarship to go there.

If you go to Dartmouth, Yale, or Harvard can I come visit you?

Of course!

I'd miss you. It's so far away.

You would?

Of course I would you dummy.

Where's your top choice for college?

Whitman, definitely, but I doubt I'll get in and the

chances I'd get a scholarship are really small.

I'm sure you can do it, your grades are excellent.

Not in math! Calculus is kicking my butt.

Do you want me to help you with it?

Aren't you too busy?

No, I'd like to help. Besides, I can put down that

I tutor on my college applications then.

Are you sure it wouldn't take up too much of your time?

I'd really like to help Bella. You always help me.

It would be nice to do something in return.

You don't owe me anything Edward. Don't feel obligated.

I don't

Then yeah, I could really use some help then. Thank you!

I can try and pay you a little.

No! Absolutely not.

Well I'll owe you big time then. Thank you Edward.

It's nothing.

So Harvard's your top choice right?

Well, I'm not sure I want to move so far away.

The last few months have made me value my family far more.

Where did Rosalie and Emmett apply?

University of Alaska is their top choice.

Oh you used to live there, right?

Yes, before we moved to Forks.

I think they also applied to Gonzaga and Seattle.

College stuff is so scary. Even if I got into Whitman

i'd worry so much about leaving Charlie all by himself.

I'm sure he wants you to follow your dreams Bella.

He does, but he's been alone so long, and I think he likes having me around.

It's really difficult for you to put yourself first, isn't it?

I guess. When i used to visit Charlie in the summers,

up until I was 14, when I'd go back to Phoenix everything

was chaos. Mom couldn't cope without me.

How do you mean?

Well, the house would be turned upside down, the kitchen would

be empty, the bills were left unpaid. One time the power got shut

off the day after I got home.I liked seeing Charlie, but I hated the

rain and I just felt like it was too risky to leave mom alone in the end.

I just spent the whole time I was away worrying about the mess I'd go

back to and if mom was ok.

Who looked after you though?

I looked after myself.

Well, yeah, but I mean who put your needs first like that?

Mom loves me, she does, she's just idk kind flakey?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep.

I just imagine it was, well IS, a lot of responsibility to bear.

I guess.

I'm alright though. I don't need anyone to look after me.

But would you like someone to?

Like a househusband?!

Haha maybe!

Hmmm only if he was a good cook. And only if he was happy doing that.

I'm sure you will meet someone so wonderful,

who will look after you every bit as much as you look after them.

That sounds nice. I think I'd feel guilty though.

Why? I mean, if it's mutual, what's to feel guilty about?

IDK, I think I just would. It doesn't feel right.

Maybe it could in the future.

Maybe, one day.

So if you had a househusband what would he cook you Bella?

Hmmmm, pad thai

and lasagna

oh and good BBQ! We used to get the best BBQ at Little Miss BBQ in Phoenix.

Nowhere makes it in Forks though, obviously.

It's too rainy to BBQ much here.

I'm surprised I haven't grown gills yet it's so wet.

I'm sure you'd make a lovely mermaid.

I'd find a way to fall over even then,

probably get tangled up in seaweed all the time or something!

What else do you miss about Phoenix?

Mom, obviously, though I must admit it's also a relief to come

home and know things will be where I left them. I was the third

wheel by the end anyway, after she married Phil.

He's a good guy, I'm glad they've got each other.

I miss the heat

And the sunsets and sunrises were so beautiful

I miss the Mexican influence on the culture and food too.

I wish I could get some marranitos here, this bakery sells the absolute best ones in Phoenix.

I also kinda miss the anonymity.

You do?

Yeah, my school was ten times the size of Forks High,

i could just do my own thing and blend into the background.

Being the new kid here means I'm in the spotlight and I don't like it.

I see. That must have been nerve wracking on your first day.

It was.

Everyone was just curious though, they weren't thinking mean things about you.

You remember?

It's not every day we get new students, last time before you was when we arrived.

You turned a lot of heads.

I have no idea why.

Well, I have it on good authority

that many of the boys and a fair number of the

girls think you are very beautiful.

HA they need to get their eyesight checked.

Their eyesight is just fine.

[a few minutes later]

Bella, do you know much about computers?

Not much, no. More than you maybe?

I want to buy a new computer, mine makes this

hot dusty smell these days, I think it may be time for

an upgrade. Well, that's what Jasper says.

He's taking me to Seattle to get a new one on Saturday.

REALLY?

yes?

THANK FUCKING GOD

?

Sorry. It's just your clockwork computer belongs in a museum.

Why don't you get a macbook? It'll be good for college and we

can use the chat app on your computer as well as your phone then.

I like my Pressario.

It has a business card holder on the bottom of the case.

It's nifty.

Edward, you're not a traveling salesman,

you don't need a damn business card holder.

Does it have a finger thingy?

What?

The McBook, does it have a finger thingy? Touch screen things don't work properly with my fingers.

Really? That's unusual.

I think I have weird circulation or something.

Hmmm, you could get a wireless mouse maybe?

That's a good idea. Does it have to be wireless?

Why would you want a wire?

Then I would know where it was, attached to the computer.

Just keep it next to the computer Edward,

it's not going to run off or anything.

OK.

Or, hey, why don't you get a Wacom tablet?

What's that?

It's for artists, you have a pen and a pressure pad to

draw on, you could make digital paintings then

and you can use the pen like a mouse.

Oh! I like the sound of that very, very much!

I know how to use a pen quite well.

You do! I've seen you!

There's a little pen stand too, here, look: [posts pic of a Wacom tablet]

Oh! I like the pen stand! It's like a dip pen,

or the pens at the bank! Very smart!

Do you think it will be difficult for me to learn how to use a McBook?

It's MacBook, like Apple Mac. And I'll help, you're helping

me with calculus so this is the least I can do.

Also there are lots of tutorials on YouTube.

What is a YouTube? You've mentioned it before.

Oh EDWARD! It's a video website. I'll show you at school, ok?

It's not like Emmett's video websites is it?

I'm not sure.

Um.

Are the people on it dressed?

Yes.

Then it's not like Emmett's video websites.

Hahahaha OMG

Yes, oh my goodness indeed!

Did Emmett show you porn? I bet he did.

He did. I had a panic attack and hid in my closet.

Aw, Edward! You're really scared of that stuff, aren't you?

Of fornication? Yes. I mean, I am unwillingly subjected to all kinds of

memories and fantasies from those around me all the time.

OMFG, high school must be horrendous.

Yes, it is. I try to tune it out, but it's not always easy.

Like when Jessica stares at my elbows.

Oh, I'm so sorry! That must be a lot to deal with.

I would just rather not see it, or hear it.

I work very hard not to look, not to look at anyone's

thoughts and not to look at anyone's bodies.

I don't like it if people think about me that way, it isn't romantic.

No, I doubt Jessica is thinking about romance

when she's ogling your elbows.

She most certainly is not!

Why does it scare you so much do you think?

I was raised very traditionally by my parents,

they taught me that fornication is for reproduction

and should be between man and wife.

I see. They didn't support gay marriage?

Well, no. But I do.

Good. I don't think you need to be so scared about it.

I mean, I get it, I've never, well y'know, done that with

anyone or anything at all, but I just figure it'll seem right

when the right person comes along.

I don't think I could ever do it

WHAT?!

I just don't think I could.

So you're planning on never having sex, ever, in your entire life?

I suppose not.

I mean, you don't have to. But don't you want to?

!

Edward? Where did you go?

EDDDWAAAARRRDDD

Please wait.

ok?

I'm embarrassed.

I'm hiding in my closet.

Under some sweaters.

That's not going to help if you

took your phone with you silly.

I want to keep talking to you though.

I like it in here, the clothes are soft.

That sounds nice. Sorry I embarrassed you.

But, seriously, you don't want to?

I do.

There you go, that wasn't so difficult was it?

It was quite difficult.

Well, thank you for being brave then.

It's normal to want to do that, not with just anyone,

but with someone you have a good connection with,

or someone you love.

It feels like I am not supposed to think about that.

Like it's dirty. I've never even seen a picture of

woman's body, and definitely nothing in person.

I've always thought it was absolutely forbidden outside of marriage.

Who told you that? It's not dirty Edward, it's just part of being an adult. Does Carlisle think like that? Or Esme?

No, they are quite modern.

What about in bio? There are pictures in the textbook.

I memorised the internal organs and avoided the other material.

You like art though, haven't you seen

nude women in sculptures and paintings?

I just look at the hands, feet and faces.

So you never look at the bodies?

Heavens no! Of course not!

No wonder you're so scared of women.

We must seem terrifying and mysterious.

Oh you do indeed.

But you like women? You find them attractive, I mean?

I think women are wonderful and so beautiful.

I have an idea.

What is it?

Well, why don't you try to overcome your

phobia through some exposure therapy?

I don't want to look at Emmett's videos. Please, please don't make me.

No! I mean through looking at art in books

and maybe drawing some yourself.

Like life drawing?

Yes! Exactly. That way you could get used to seeing

women in a non-sexual way and they wouldn't be so terrifying or taboo.

That is impossible.

Why?

Because it is impossible.

You can't just say it's impossible without a reason Edward.

Um

Um

Er

Right, so I'll book the class then.

!

Petrify

!

Like me diving off the top board at the pool?

Just thinking about that makes me break out

in a sweat, but I'm sure as shit going to do it.

You're so brave. I think you're the bravest person I've ever known.

So? Will you try it?

For me?

For you.

Promise?

Promise.

Awesome! I'm going to sign us up for that class in

Port Angeles at the college. I'll be there so you don't need to be scared.

I will definitely be scared.

Well, it's not sex, it's not sexual at all, it's just a body and making art.

I'll try to do some drawings, but I'm definitely n

ot ready to do anything physical with another person.

You don't have to do or think about anything

until you're ready. It's all up to you and whoever

you choose to do that with. It's supposed to feel

good and be with someone you trust. And there's a l

ot to do between kissing and going all the way anyway.

Even kissing is very daunting. I have never done that.

Well, me either, but I'd like to.

You would?

Yeah! Of course. With someone I really liked.

I think I would be very bad at it.

Why?

The internet says you need to eat a mint,

but I'm not allowed to eat mints.

As long as your mouth is clean and you haven't just

eaten onions or garlic or something

I'm sure you can do without a mint.

Really?

Well, I'm no expert, but people in the movies don't usually eat a mint first, do they?

That is true!

Oh! Maybe I would be very good at it then!

Haha, I'm sure you'd be amazing

Thank you Bella, that has eased my mind no end!

You're very welcome Edward. I told you you worry too much.

You help me to stop worrying.

That's nice to hear. I'm glad.

Thank you for talking to me and for always being so kindhearted.

You're kind to me too.

Are you sleepy?

A bit, I should probably try to sleep.

Are you still having bad dreams?

Just the same one, about falling.

Well, please message me if you are bothered by it or can't sleep.

Thanks Edward.

Sweet dreams Bella.

You too, night.

Goodnight

A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade! Edward's really grown so much and his relationship with Bella is getting closer by the day.