Moments that Make You: The Hero and The Princess

by myheadsgonenumb

When Francis Doyle discovers his demon half his whole life spirals downward. Meanwhile Cordelia Chase is just setting out on her mission to become Queen Bee of her local high school. It seems impossible that 2 people so far apart in age, distance and fashion sense could ever find each other and build something special. But they do. A series of Cordy/Doyle short stories & drabbles.

96. Wanting

Wanting

Her plants were dying and she blamed Buffy - where that girl went, dark forces followed. And Doyle was worse than useless, not only did he not trust her diagnosis, but he accused her - Cordelia - of being jealous. Of Buffy Summers.

Cordelia was not jealous of Buffy. Not ever in this lifetime. She just wanted what Buffy had, is all.

Not Angel, dear God, no. Lord only knows Cordy didn't want to get saddled with that brooding, penny pincher - Buffy could have him. But that great love? To be so lost inside of it that it was the middle of the day and you were downstairs making wild, passionate love on the kitchen table, while the rest of the world plodded by … yeah she wanted that.

She wanted the warmth and security of being adored; she wanted strong arms to hold her; she wanted to hold hands and go to the movies and stay up late cuddling on the sofa, watching T.V, talking about dumb stuff and making each other laugh; she wanted kisses and caresses and sweet nothings whispered in her ear.

She wanted orgasms.

Most of all, she wanted to be the most important person in somebody's world - to matter to them above anything else. And to feel the same way in return, to love somebody so much it ached.

That was what Buffy had and that was what Cordelia wanted.

But she didn't even know where to look for it … or more truthfully, she was too frightened to ask for it. After Xander … Once bitten, twice shy and all.

And she wasn't even sure that sort of love was possible for her and … somebody else. Maybe the epic, sweeping romance that Buffy got to have came hand in hand with the ridiculously heightened melodrama that surrounded the rest of her life. Maybe normal people just couldn't have that level of passion.

And Cordelia was normal. And so was … somebody else.

Maybe the best Cordy could ever have was a blurry, dull, muted version of what it was Buffy was downstairs enjoying right now. Maybe she would never feel what Buffy was feeling, or experience what Buffy was experiencing.

So yeah, OK - damn right she was jealous. And afraid. And slightly sweaty at the thought of everything she wanted and was currently missing out on.

But just because Somebody had happened to come up with the right answer didn't mean he was right. Or knew what he was talking about. He was completely hopeless - he never knew what he was talking about. It was just - sometimes - he made a lucky guess.

She threw him a furious glance, and he smiled back at her sympathetically. She folded her arms and looked away again, chewing her lip - nervous that he did know what he was talking about and that, in fact, he knew just as much as she did - and that those sympathetic eyes were because he understood exactly what it was she was thinking.