EPISODE 95 – How It's Gotta Be

"Connor?"

"Jesus fucking Christ…" And Murphy right behind him.

I'm overcome with tremors and I gasp as if the air had left the room. They're so shaken by the state they're finding me in that they remain frozen at first.

"Help me…"

In a flash, they're now by my side.

"Christ, Tine, are ye okay?" – "What the fuck happened?"

I would want to relish their presence, but I cannot yet. I refuse to feel relief.

"Please go after them…" I weakly point to where Negan left.

"It can wait, love, we're going to take ye-"

"No! Connor, please! Ye need to go. He took my baby… Please…" I'm sobbing uncontrollably now, and I would kick myself for that but I'm not even strong enough to remain sitting up.

My twins glance at each other with a confused frown on both their faces. Fuck, I don't have time to explain.

"Please, just do that for me. Ye need to go, now!"

"Okay, I-… Stay with her Murph'."

"No!" I turn to Murphy now. "Please. Ye need to be very careful. He's just been born. Ye need to bring him back to me."

"Negan's got him, ye say?"

"Aye, he's just left; ye can catch up to him."

"Okay, Tin'. Just hang in there, okay? We'll be right back."

"Promise me ye'll bring my baby back."

They peek at each other with concern expressions, as if they believed me mad.

"Go!" I plead in a broken voice.

So, they leave.

I hear the sound of gunshots right as they pass the door, and wonder if I haven't sent them into a trap. So, I grab the doctor's tray to pull myself back up on unsteady feet. The anaesthetics are still preventing me from feeling the whole extent of my injury. I'm still bleeding from between the sutures and my whole body seems to be set on a cold fire, but I can't care right now.

When I lean on the windowsill to put one foot in front of the other, I get a glimpse of two shapes down in the courtyard. They're running toward the garage under the gunfire. I yell. Negan has got Arley tucked in the front of his leather jacket, holding him with just one arm. He's so tiny that the people firing, even if they're on our side, can't know he's there.

At the last second before ducking behind one of the trucks, Negan pulls Carson in front of him like a shield, and the poor doctor gets riddled with bullets. He didn't deserve to die like this. Plus, that allows Negan to escape while firing to cover his exit. Only a few centimetres away from my newborn's sensitive ears. He leaps inside one of the big SUVs of the lot and starts blasting through the fences.

I've seen enough. I take a deep breath, and shakily stumble out of the room after them.

Maybe because I look like a walking ghost. Maybe because I'm so far from a threat. Maybe because they're all too focused on staying alive. No one seems to notice me. Or, if they do, they let me through.

However, it still takes me seemingly forever to reach the bottom of the stairs. I don't know how I didn't tumble down and break my neck. I'm burning through my second wind. But I manage to drag myself out in the yard. The fight has moved a little further. I cross it without even attempting to hide. I don't have the time. And everybody has got better things to do than to shoot me, apparently.

I don't know where Connor and Murphy are. I can't let everything lay on their shoulder. So, I soon find myself behind the wheel of a city car. The way out has been cleared now, anyway. As I turn the key in the ignition, I figure how irresponsible it is, to drive in my state. But it's not like this is going to stop me.

I dash out of this nightmarish hole, making the tyres screech.

It's been so long I barely remembered that a whole world still existed out there. However, I'm not in any condition to enjoy this sudden freedom. The road is leading me to the edge of the forest. I follow my instinct. I'm so far behind them.

I battle every instant against the blackout that threatens to overtake me. The insufferable pain causes my breath to remain shallow when I'd need it deep in order to calm down. My heartbeat is so high I'm afraid it's going to stop any second. I feel so weak… It would be so easy to surrender…

Suddenly, I spot a car in the distance. It's… It's upturned in a ditch. I choke, heaving. It's the same SUV Negan took off in, with my son. They got into an accident. There's also a small jeep parked a little further, that I recognise from the Sanctuary's parking lot. But no one in sight.

I'm trembling from head to toe as I stop the car and stagger the few steps that allow me to inspect the driver's seat of the damaged truck. I almost wish I would pass out before discovering whatever is still in there. I can't even imagine what has happened to this tiny little baby in a car accident.

But they're not here.

And now, I feel a rush of adrenaline brought along with a new fury. How did that son of a bitch dare put my child in harm's way like this?

The rage helps me find a new strength as I hear gunshots behind the thicket along the road. I manage to make my way toward the sounds, leaning on the tree trunks until I come out in a vast meadow. The high wild yellow grass sways in the wind. Silence has fallen.

Murphy has the barrel of his gun up against the back of Negan's head. This one cringes and reluctantly lets go of his weapon. Then, Connor steps in to retrieve baby Arley from his arms.

"It's over, Negan."