A/n: I only own Ellie, Grant, Beckie and Kasie, and Sarah; all other characters that you recognize are property of Marvel.
a/n2:Well we made it to the end of WandaVision. I won't spoil it, but I'm ready for FatWS! So this is my finals week (Thank goodness!), so I hope to start writing again! We have some critical areas to visit before EndGame, but the story will start going faster through the "Five Years Later."
Thank you to the new followers: Tevvybear15
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryna get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
~ Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars
*~*~* July 12, 2019- White Plains, New York *~*~*
"You ready for this?"
Ellie looked over at Natasha as she signaled to pull onto the road with modest homes only about three minutes from their house. Mentally she wasn't sure why she had agreed to the invitation. It had suited Natasha more than Ellie. Damming her manners, she had said yes. She answered Natasha with a shrug as she saw the address on the mailbox post in the close distance.
Ellie pulled up to the house that she and Natasha have been given the address to and pulled up parallel to the grass as the driveway was full, and then looked over at Natasha.
"Yeah, this is Erica's house," Natasha said, unfastening her seatbelt as she checked her makeup in the visor mirror.
Ellie chuckled as she grabbed her purse, "Did you background check everyone?"
"Not their parents," Natasha told her with a grin as she climbed out of the Audi.
Ellie shook her head as she put her purse higher on her shoulder and climbed out of the vehicle.
Cars were already in the large driveway that Ellie knew of at least two of their owners as they walked the sidewalk up to the large blue door.
Before they could knock, the door opened, "Hola bitches!" Jenny answered as she opened the door, a glass of wine already in hand.
Erica came to the door, "What did I tell you about answering my door? Come on in," She said, pushing Jenny to the side.
"You love me, plus I had to greet our celebrity," Jenny said with a grin over her wine glass.
"Shit," Ellie groaned walking into the house, "We are no celebrities."
"Bullshit, they reaired your special tonight, in fact," Jenny told her as she and Natasha took their shoes off.
"People just want to know more about Steve," Ellie defended.
"Honey, they do want to know a lot about you," Marcie told her from the couch.
Ellie sat down on the couch next to her and put her face into her hands, "The press followed me around New York all week. This didn't go the way I thought it would."
The door flew open, and Amy walked in, "Sorry, sorry, am I late?"
Erica met her at the door, "Amy, it didn't start until 7. It's 6:45."
Amy swore, "I put 6:30 in my phone, fuck… give me some alcohol," She told them as she threw herself into the recliner.
"Everything alright?" Jessica asked as she munched on some pretzels.
"My Mom was supposed to watch Carter for me, but something came up last minute, so I had to get my grandpa to watch him," Amy told her as she adjusted her body, "He wasn't at the house when I got there, he forgot and was at the river."
"Your grandpa is watching Carter? How old is he?" Linda asked as she sat on the other recliner.
"Nearly 100, but he still has his wits and still runs every day… well, not running but walks like four miles or something crazy like that," Amy told them as Jenny gave her a glass of wine, "Thank you."
Erica walked over to the window and looked out, "We are just waiting on Shelly."
"So what is tonight all about Erica?" Jessica asked as she poured herself her second glass of wine.
"Well, Dan comes home in two months," Erica told them with a smile.
Choruses of congratulations went around.
"Dan, is your husband correct?" Natasha asked as she took a handful of carrots onto a plate.
"Yes, he is in the military overseas, and… he's been gone for almost a year. Before he left, our love life was well stagnating, to say the least. I want to spice things up," Erica told them as she looked at Ellie, "Ellie if you don't feel comfortable… shit, I'm sorry this is horrible of me."
"What?" Ellie asked, confused.
"This is a pure romance party," Erica told her, "Probably why Shelly isn't here."
Marcie shook her head, "Nah, she had to work late. Plus, I'm sure she needs a new vibrator."
Ellie swallowed hard as she bit her lip, and Natasha laughed.
"I think the problem, ladies, won't be that Ellie is currently Buckyless… it's that she and Steve are a little old-fashioned," Natasha said with a grin.
"Natasha!" Ellie scolded as she glared at her.
"You are! Hell, I had to teach Steve where my clit even was. Then I blew his mind when I showed him a vibrator," Natasha told her as Ellie covered her ears as the girls laughed.
"We just… back then… this…" Ellie said, waving her hand, "We didn't speak about… sexuality wasn't…a thing, but we were catholic, and our Dad died… a long time ago. Mom never dated, so we didn't see these things. Or hear about these things."
Erica grinned, "Oh girl, you are going to get a lesson tonight."
Ellie tried not to show her apprehension on her face.
Ellie stood in the kitchen looking out at the setting sun, her fists clenched on the counter as she slowly tried to breathe. She heard a noise then felt a tiny crack starting under her one finger on the counter, and withdrew her hands, rubbing them together.
"You okay?"
A tear slid down her eye, and she quickly wiped it away, "I'm fine, Nat."
Natasha slowly walked over to her standing close to her but not touching her, "No, you aren't… and that is okay," Natasha said as Ellie listened to the woman showing them products talk about body creams.
Ellie put her hand on her face and drew in a shaky breath, "I thought I could do it, Nat… then she brought out that blue baby doll… it was blue like his eyes…." Ellie sighed, "Then the massage cream… I don't know why that is what drove me over."
"Do you want to leave?" Natasha asked as she placed her hand gently on Ellie's back.
Ellie sighed, "No, go ahead back out there… I'll be back out there in a second."
Natasha walked to the door and laughed, "Oh my god, they are using lube on each other's hands El."
Ellie looked at her, and Natasha laughed harder then took her hand, "Come on."
Natasha led her back to the loveseat, and Amy leaned over, "You okay?"
Ellie nodded.
"Can you guess the six types of orgasms that there are?" Ashley, the presenter, asked.
"Six?" Ellie whispered as the girls guessed the types.
"Okay, we are going to start with our toys; we are going to start with our opening act. This toy is a great one if you are introducing yourself to toys. It is also a body massager. It is only for external. It has thirty functions," Ashley told them as she showed them a purple toy.
Ellie let out even breaths trying to maintain her calm as her heart raced. Natasha grinned as she placed it against Ellie's arm, and she looked at the small object, surprised at the power held within.
Ashley twirled a pair of handcuffs around her finger, "Who likes to spice things up?"
The girls started chatting as she showed some handcuff options, and Ellie felt as if she should sink into the Earth and swallow her whole.
"Kinky Ellie, how about you come up here and Natasha," Ashley said.
Ellie shook her head, "No, no."
"Come on," Natasha said as she pulled her up off the couch.
"This is embarrassing," Ellie said as Ashley smiled at her.
"Sexual health can be embarrassing, and it doesn't have to be. Natasha, I am going to give you this," Ashley said, handing her a fake penis.
"Holy shit, that thing is huge," Marcie said as Natasha winked at Ellie.
"Not really," Natasha said.
"Oh my god, Captain America is hung like a horse," Jenny squealed.
Ellie groaned as Amy did, "Can we not talk about our significant others like that?" Amy asked.
"Sorry, Amy," Jessica said.
"No, no… it's fine, but it might make some people uncomfortable," Amy said as Ellie smiled at her.
"Well, he is my brother," Ellie said, nodding.
"Okay, so Ellie, you are going to help us demonstrate our male sleeve. First, as with anything, lubrication is key," Ashley said as she grabbed a bottle and handed it to Ellie, "Go ahead and lube up Natasha."
"This is so weird," Ellie groaned as she put a dot on the very top of the head.
"Come on. You can't tell me that you and Bucky never had to use this. It would help if you had more," Natasha told her.
"We only had to for a short time after Grant, and he dealt with it," Ellie groaned as she put more on the fake penis.
"Go ahead and rub it in," Ashley told her as the girls laughed.
"This is so wrong, so so wrong," Ellie cringed as she rubbed it on.
"Alright, here is our sleeve. I want you to put this onto the penis," Ashley told Ellie.
Ellie took it and nearly dropped it as it hit the lube on her hands.
Natasha laughed.
"Shut it, Nat," Ellie said as Ashley handed her a towel for her hands, and she wiped them off.
"So you don't have to stretch this sleeve out. You slide it right down on the penis. Just hold the penis still, and it will come out of the other end. Of course, if the male is big enough," Ashley told them as Ellie slowly slid it onto the fake penis.
"Well, it's not for my husband then," Jessica said.
Ellie pushed it all the way down until the tip poked out.
"Well, it doesn't just sit there. Show us how it works," Ashley told her, "This sleeve is good for your men to … satisfy themselves when you are... occupied."
Ellie moved it up and down slowly.
"From what we heard, Bucky was not a slow guy," Natasha teased.
"He could be," Ellie defended as she started moving it faster, "I don't want to break it."
"Won't happen with the hand jive. It's thick enough that the male in your life can't feel fingers; it has ridges inside that feel like vaginal walls. It can be pinched and pulled as if you are doing oral sex even, plus easy to clean," Ashley told them, "You can have a seat. Thank you, ladies."
"Okay, the Earth can swallow me up now," Ellie said as the girls chuckled.
Erica elbowed Ellie as she helped with cleanup, "I hope you weren't too uncomfortable."
Ellie shook her head, "It was fine. I'm honestly used to it," She said as she gave a fake smile.
"I don't know if you know, but Shelly, she also lost her husband in the Snap," Erica told her, "The loss sent her into labor with Joey. It is hard on her. I hope you didn't feel-"
"No, no," Ellie said, shaking her head, "I just, the biggest thing was just the whole old fashion thing. The fact that people talk about things like this conversationally is just a tad weird for me sometimes," Ellie said, throwing plates away.
"I see you bought the handcuffs," Erica said with a smirk.
"Bucky… my husband, had a metal arm. Sometimes… it's stupid," Ellie said, blinking back tears.
Erica rubbed her shoulder, "No, it's not."
"We had a pair but broke them… then briefly, he'd… hold my arm down with his metal hand or even just sleeping with him holding my wrist. Not in a sexual way but just holding it," Ellie bit her lip, "I have trouble sleeping… without him. I'm willing to try anything at this point."
"I hope it helps you… and the vibrator, I know you won it, and we were all joking with you, but maybe it will help you sleep too? From Natasha's teasing, I'm sure you two had a great sex life, and let me tell you, after my husband comes back from trips, that welcome home orgasm relaxes me. It won't be the same, but it might help," Erica told her.
"I haven't… I haven't even wanted to try," Ellie admitted, "It's just not the same."
"Put some favorite music on, get some photos… just saying," Erica said as she went into the kitchen where Marcie was calling her.
Natasha hung up her phone, "You ready to go?"
"Yeah, who was that?" Ellie asked, grabbing her purse with the purple box sticking out of it.
"Okoye, she checks in with me every Friday," Natasha told her, "Bye, girls!"
"See you next Saturday!" Linda yelled from the kitchen.
After climbing in their car, Ellie started it and stared at the house as they sat.
"You okay?" Natasha asked.
"Yeah, I just miss him so much sometimes it takes my breath away," Ellie told her with a sad smile as she put the car in reverse.
*~*~* July 26, 2019- White Plains, New York *~*~*
Ellie tried to keep her head down as she sat in the waiting room reading an issue of People magazine. She had only a semblance of a clue who half these people were. Those she did know were from either talking with Shuri or Annabelle.
"Ellie Barnes?"
Ellie looked up from the magazine as the receptionist called her name.
"Dr. Rowan will see you now."
Setting the magazine down, she walked to the open door and down the hallway to Dr. Rowan's office.
"Hello Ellie," Dr. Rowan said from his desk as she entered, "Have a seat."
Ellie walked over and sat down on the couch of her therapist's office.
Dr. Rowan walked to his chair, then over his clipboard at her, "So how are we doing today, Ellie?"
Ellie yawned and covered her mouth, "Sorry, I got up earlier than usual today to pack for our vacation."
Dr. Rowan stopped his writing and looked at her, "Vacation?"
Ellie smiled, "My brother, my future sister in law and I are taking all of our kids on our first vacation. It is a business trip to talk to another company, but we also take time to have a real vacation. Honestly, Steve and I's the first vacation."
"Where are you going?" Dr. Rowan asked.
"Brazil, we are going to see Christ the Redeemer, Parque das Aves Zoo then go to Copacabana," Ellie told him with a smile.
"I'm glad you are doing something for yourselves and enjoying yourself. What is your goal for your trip?" Dr. Rowan asked, writing away at the clipboard.
Ellie sighed, "To enjoy myself and… feel a little bit like myself again."
"When was the last time you felt like yourself?" Dr. Rowan asked.
Ellie shook her head as she thought about it, "A long time ago."
Dr. Rowan leaned forward and looked at her, "Ellie, you may never be that version of yourself again. Instead, you may need to become a better or improved version. Call it… Ellie 2.0."
Ellie scoffed at the thought, "I think I am on Ellie 4.0 at this point."
"You just need to find the version of yourself that can make you happy with the situation that you are in," Dr. Rowan told her.
Ellie looked out the window, "Easier said than done, Doc."
*~*~* July 26, 2019- Irvington, New York *~*~*
Steve stood in his and Natasha's bedroom at the house as he packed the clothing he could for their trip.
"Steve?!" Natasha's voice said, alarmed.
Steve rushed out of their bedroom to see Natasha holding a red and blue Grant in front of her, "Shit, what happened to him?"
"I think someone had a little too much fun with finger paint," Natasha said as Steve took him, and his white shirt suddenly had splashes of red and blue. She grinned, "You just can't get away from red, white and blue, can you?"
"Shit, I walked away for three minutes, Grant," Steve said as he took Grant from Natasha, "Can you start the bath?"
"Got it," Natasha said as she ran to the bathroom.
Steve smiled at Grant, "You know, little man, I did something like this once. Your grandma got me these paints when I was tiny, and I painted all over the walls. I'm going to do just what she did; I'm not going to be mad. We should stick to paper next time."
Steve walked into Grant's room and went over to the bathroom. Natasha was getting up from the floor as they walked in.
"Have fun," She told him as she left the bathroom.
Steve set Grant on the floor and took the pajamas off his body. Placing him in the bath, Steve grabbed the washcloth and started wiping Grant down.
"You know, your Momma and I used to take baths together. Probably part of the reason she doesn't want you and your sisters taking a bath together," Steve said with a chuckle as he put some shampoo in Grant's hair, and he giggled at the bubbles, "I still remember the last time we took a bath together. Don't tell her I told you this, but she pooped, and suddenly something floated past me-"
"Steven Grant Rogers! What is all over my walls?!"
Steve looked at Grant as he tipped his head back to wash the soap, "In the bathroom with Grant!"
Ellie's voice came closer, "Shit, it looks like a crime scene in here, so finger paint, Steve?"
Steve looked up at her, "Yeah, didn't think it through."
"Obviously," Ellie said with a sigh as she sat on the toilet lid.
Steve looked at her as he scrubbed Grant's fingers, "Bad therapy appointment or work?"
Ellie shook her head, "Neither, I just…" She closed her eyes and shook her head, "For some reason, this birthday is just tougher."
Steve pulled Grant out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel, "It's your 100th."
Ellie groaned, "Don't remind me."
Steve laughed as Ellie took over-drying duty as he cleaned up the bathroom.
Ellie nodded towards the bedroom door, "I'm going to have to call a cleaning crew."
"I'll handle it. There are more messes than you realize. I bought a carpet scrubber," Steve told her.
Ellie pulled Grant onto her lap, who cuddled into her, "Oh, what our lives have become. Bath time, carpet scrubber. I never thought we'd get to this point, Steve."
Steve stood up, "I wouldn't take it any other way. I love helping people, and if someone needs me, I'll be there, but I love helping MY people now."
Ellie grinned, "As that article in Time said from Mr. America to Mr. Mom."
"Shit, Nat has already been teasing me about that," Steve told her.
Ellie kissed Grant's head, "Steve, if you ever want to go back to Avenging, let me know, and I'll quit."
Steve sat back against the bathtub, "It's just not my thing anymore. Now that I have a glimpse of this side, I don't see myself going back."
*~*~* July 30, 2019- Brazil *~*~*
Ellie stood at the top of the Corcovado Mountain in Brazil, the wind hitting her face making her hair dance around her. Steve came over and leaned on the stone railing next to her, "It's gorgeous."
"So relaxing," Ellie said, glancing back at Natasha, who funny enough was signing autographs, "I can't believe she was recognized first."
"I'm okay with it," Steve sighed as he smiled.
Ellie turned and looked up at the giant statue behind them, "I feel… at peace."
Steve nodded as he nudged her, "I get it. It's like he is looking down at us and saying we are okay."
"We aren't okay…" Ellie trailed off, "But we will be. I feel closer to him. Is that weird?"
"Who? Christ?" Steve asked.
Ellie laughed, "No, Bucky but him too by proxy. Do you think, do you think heaven exists?"
"Yes," Steve said without hesitation, "Definitely, don't you?"
Ellie nodded, "I have to. I want to see Bucky again and if going to heaven is the only way; I have to believe it exists."
Steve put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head, "We are going to find a way to bring him back. You'll see him again before that."
"Slowly, I lose more and more hope," Ellie admitted.
"Well, don't. We are going to get Bucky back; we will get everyone all back," Steve told her, "Just have faith."
Ellie looked up at Christ the Redeemer again, "I try… I'll try harder."
"Shit," Natasha said as she walked over to them, "Let's go."
Ellie grinned, "Your hand hurt from signing?"
"Shut up. One kid didn't realize I understood him and said Look how pale her skin is, beautiful pale skin. That's why I'm popular because I am pale," Natasha complained as she started pushing Grant and Sarah's stroller, "I vote for the beach tonight."
"I have a meeting early in the morning," Ellie told her, "But it should be over by noon, then we can head over to the Zoo. Although, from what I read up this morning, it's mostly birds."
"Oh, Sam would love that," Steve said.
Ellie shook her head as she started pushing the sleeping girls, "Sam hated birds. He said they never got out of his way."
Steve frowned, "He never told me that. I always bought him bird stuff."
"Oh, Steve." Ellie giggled.
*~*~* August 1, 2019 – Iguazu Falls, Brazil- *~*~*
Ellie stood at the top of a waterfall in Brazil. Looking down at the rushing water that was below the rock she was standing on. Closing her eyes, she felt the air currents flowing around her from the water moving.
"You're so weird."
Ellie looked at the young man standing behind her and grinned, "You have no idea."
Taking a large breath, she pushed herself off the rock and ran as fast as she could over the water, then jumped. Holding her hands out next to her, she used her powers to glide out away from the edge of the rock. With a breath, she released her powers to land in the water below.
"Show off."
Ellie wiped her eyes and grinned as Steve swam over to her, "That's how you jump from a waterfall."
"Yeah, when you can fly," Steve said.
Ellie rolled her eyes, "I can't fly. I glide. There is a difference."
"Just saying, I think you could honest to God fly if you tried," Steve told her.
"Nah," Ellie said as she looked at the walkway where Nat was with the strollers and waved, "She doesn't want to get in still?"
"Nope, said she wasn't risking it," Steve told her disappointed, "She is wearing a bikini underneath too… I wanted to see it."
Ellie pushed him, and he fell over in the water dramatically.
Steve spit out water and looked at her, "So Nat and I talked after we get back to the hotel. You have the night free. Enjoy your birthday, El."
Ellie grinned as she went under then came back up, spitting water out at him, "I will… I'm going to sex up your best friend tonight. I already left myself a note with instructions."
"Ewww," Steve said as he swam after her.
Ellie stood in Natasha and Steve's room, "Are you guys sure?"
Natasha fastened Beckie into her stroller, "Yes, now go… enjoy your night with Bucky. Have a happy birthday."
Ellie smiled, "Last chance."
"Go!" Steve said with a laugh.
Ellie grabbed his shoulder and kissed his cheek, then practically skipped out of the room.
Steve smiled, "She's happy."
"She's going to get some… of course she is," Natasha said with a laugh.
"Eww, you have to make it gross," Steve groaned.
Ellie walked back to her room, shutting the door behind her. She kicked her shoes off, used the bathroom then climbed into bed. Closing her eyes, Ellie remembered the exact moment that she wanted to revisit. The Starbucks at the Museum of Art in Paris after seeing the Mona Lisa.
With a smile, she felt her brain heat up, and she suddenly went from a soft mattress beneath her body to a hard chair as her head rested upon her arms.
Opening her eyes, she looked up at Bucky across from her and did her best not to cry as she saw him.
Bucky shook his head, "Let me guess, you left a note without me knowing," He asked her with a small smile.
Ellie bit her lip as she looked at him sheepishly, "Yeah, I visited last night, and the only note in reply I saw when I came back to check before we woke up was just to let me see the Mona Lisa," Ellie said with a laugh, "Which is the last thing I remembered anyways. I couldn't take that away from myself, so I had to let her."
Bucky leaned over the table and kissed her, "Hi Angel," He said against her lips.
"Hi handsome," Ellie said as she touched his face, "So it might not be my birthday now, but in my time, it's my birthday, my 100th… so we are going to have some fun. We are going to go see the Crown diamonds," Ellie told him, rubbing her hands together, "So finish up."
Bucky laughed, "You are way too excited."
Ellie smiled sadly, "I don't have a ton of excitement in my life…" She rolled her eyes as she sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, "Well, I am kinda in Brazil right now."
"Brazil?" Bucky asked, shocked.
"Yeah, Steve, Nat, and I went to Brazil to knock another location off our travel list," Ellie told him, "Christ the Redeemer is amazing, then we went to the Parque das Aves zoo and the Iguacu Waterfalls. We are staying in Copacabana on the beach for a few days, then heading to the Ariau Towers to tour the Amazon. Well, what is left, anyway. It's currently burning, like big-time burning. We want to try to get close, but I am not sure we can."
Bucky bit his lip, "What have you been up to since I last saw you in June of your time?"
"Well, just working and helping Pepper. Keeping up with Grant. He's two years old in development now and doesn't want to wear a diaper anymore," Ellie told him as she rolled her eyes, "Problem is he pees everywhere, and he can run… nearly as fast as us."
Bucky laughed.
"Oh, and Aladdin came out, it was terrific," Ellie told him, "They kept with the original storyline for a lot of it, but the genie had a bigger part. I saw Toy Story 4 also. I was the oldest person in the theater, even in appearance, and I cried."
"Oh, Angel," Bucky said, taking her hand.
"It was just emotional," Ellie said, blinking back the tears, "Lion King came out too, but… it wasn't as good really as I would have thought with the new animation, but it wasn't horrible either. I got to go to the world premiere of that one. Pays to know Tony."
Ellie cleared her throat, trying to rid herself of the lump, "Anyways, are you done? I want to finish the museum, and then we can walk along the Seine and see the flooding, and I'm not sure how long I can stay. It's flooded, right?"
Bucky nodded as he finished his sandwich.
"Let's go," Ellie said, taking his hand, and they walked back into the galleries.
"So is this you… my, you, in the future or asleep?" Bucky asked quietly as they walked to see more art.
"Asleep, oh she tried, but… she can't know too much about her…our future Buck," She said as she squeezed his hand, "Some small things have already changed, no… nothing Earth-shattering but things only I know that has changed. Like I made the mistake of telling Steve that he and Nat were together but not engaged when I visited the past. Steve never proposed. Originally, he did before Sarah was born, according to your journal. I ruined that," Ellie told him as she walked into another gallery.
"Do they ever get engaged?" Bucky asked.
Ellie sighed as she stopped and grabbed his hands, "Don't tell him, okay? He has to decide it on his own, but yes, they've never set anything official."
Bucky frowned.
"What?" Ellie asked him.
"I just… I don't know. I just always thought if Steve did get married," Bucky said as he bit his lip, "I'd be at the wedding you know?"
"If there is a way, I will do it when the time comes, Buck," Ellie said as she put her arms around his neck and kissed him, "Come on and let's finish with the museum."
Walking hand in hand through the streets of Paris, Ellie felt happier than she had remembered being in the last year. Occasionally Bucky would pull her to his side tighter and kiss her.
Ellie giggled as he kissed her neck then saw a shop up ahead. As they got closer, Ellie took his hand, "Wait, let's go here," Ellie said, stopping as they went to walk past the shop.
"An underwear store?!" Bucky asked, looking at the advertising on the front, "Really?"
"Come on, Bucky… live a little. Then we can go back to the hotel, and I can model it for you," Ellie told him with a grin.
"Well shit, okay," Bucky said as she saw him swallow hard, "But I thought we were going to see Notre Dame today."
Ellie looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "We are… and I am going to change into one of our purchases beforehand, and you'll have to wait and see which one until after," She told him as she winked at him.
"Fuck, you are going to kill me," Bucky said as he kissed her hard.
They walked over to one of the racks, and Ellie started looking through the garments. Many of them reminded her of the Pure Romance party. She wondered if Bucky would enjoy seeing her in them.
"Angel… I have a question," Bucky said, leaning against one of the racks.
"What is that?" Ellie asked as she held up a bra to her as she noticed how much it didn't cover.
"We didn't use anything last night on the balcony-"
Ellie looked up at him, "That was some great sex," Ellie told him with a smile as she bit her lip and sighed, "Hoping tonight tops it, though from what I remember waking up to."
"Anyways, nothing…comes of it, right?" Bucky asked, touching her elbow.
Ellie paused as she stared at the nightgown in front of her and slowly looked at him as she put the bra back, "No, Buck, nothing happened because of last night."
Bucky sighed, "Thank God, I just… I don't want to leave you with two kids all on your own."
Ellie squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head sadly as she tried to calm her rapid heartbeat, thankful that they were in a noisy store so that it did not give her away, "No, Buck, I didn't get pregnant last night."
"So, what are you looking for exactly?" Bucky asked as he saw a simple bra and panties set, then held it up, "How about this?"
Ellie laughed, "Oh honey… no. Just wait," Ellie said as she kissed him, "How about you go wait at that café a few doors down. Get me a tea, please."
Bucky looked at her, "And leave you alone?"
Ellie kissed him again, "I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. Plus, I want it to be a surprise."
Bucky swallowed hard, "Okay."
Ellie watched him walk through the racks and then nod at the merchant before walking out of the door. With a knawing of her lip, she picked up one piece of lingerie that she never would usually dare to wear, "Hello future me."
Ellie moaned as her shirt slid up and the rough texture of the exterior of the wall of their Paris hotel room raked against the skin of her back as Bucky's beard rubbed against her neck as he kissed her while multitasking and unlocking the door.
"Buck," She gasped as her back hit the handle of the door, and suddenly they were through.
Bucky grinned against her lips as she felt the bulge against her thigh, "Since we left that lingerie place… all I have been thinking of is taking all your clothes off."
Ellie laughed, throwing her head back as he sucked at the skin under her ear.
"The things you do to me," He said in a rough whisper.
Ellie pulled back and smiled, "Oh really?"
Bucky roughly claimed her lips again, then pulled at the bottom of her shirt.
"Nah, uh," She said, pushing him away as she took his hand and led him to the bed, then moved him onto it making his body bounce against the mattress.
Bucky looked up at her in awe as she straddled his waist then walked her fingers down his chest, "Are you ready to see my purchases?" She asked as she ran her tongue over her lips then teased her bottom lip with her teeth.
"Hell yes," Bucky told her.
Ellie grinned as she got up and grabbed the pink bags that she had been carrying with her, "I'll be back. When I come back out, I expect you naked."
Bucky jumped off the bed and started taking his clothes off.
Ellie slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. With the turn of the lock, she felt her confidence slip. Gripping the countertop in front of her, she stared at her reflection in the mirror.
"You can do this, Ellie. You are a sexy bitch," Ellie whispered the words that the Pure Romance lady had made them say, "You are in control, and you can bring him to his knees."
Slowly she pulled the shirt over her head and looked over her body. This version of her body missed many of the new stretch marks that had faded recently but never went away. Her skin wasn't dry as it was in her current body, as she had less time to take care of herself with three kids as well as a full-time job.
"You okay?" Bucky's voice asked on the other side of the door.
Ellie jumped as she skimmed over her belly, "Just choosing which one to wear! They wouldn't let me change there."
"Wait, there is more than one?" Bucky asked.
Ellie giggled as she took her pants and underwear off then pulled her socks off. She was grabbing the first purchase, the most daring of what she purchased. Finding the crotch of the lingerie, she stepped inside, then slowly pulled it up her hips making sure that the various straps positioned correctly on her body, then looped the single strap around her neck as she pulled it uptight.
She grimaced when she felt the thong go up in between her cheeks, "One part of modern lingerie that I could care less for," She mumbled to herself.
Swallowing hard, she grabbed the handcuffs from the bag then looked at herself in the mirror again, "You can do this… you can do this. Buck wouldn't care if you came out in a paper bag."
Taking a big breath, she unlocked the door and opened it.
Sitting up, he looked over at her, and his jaw dropped, "Holy…."
"It's awful, isn't it?" Ellie sagged.
Bucky grinned as he jumped up off the bed and walked over to her, "Let me get a good look at you."
Ellie rolled her eyes, and she took his hand, then he turned her around.
"Hot damn doll," Bucky said as he ran his hand over the lace.
Ellie sucked in a breath, watching as his eyes raked over her. His hand skimmed over the skin exposed down her hip. Swallowing hard, she looked up at him through her eyelashes, "Like it?"
"Fuck yeah," He told her as he caught her lips in a bruising kiss.
Ellie moaned as she pushed him back, and they stumbled back to the bed, "Lie back," She rasped.
Bucky laid back on the bed, and she grinned, seeing him naked in front of her.
"Scoot up," Ellie said as she knelt on the bed.
Bucky moved up the bed so that his back was on the headboard, and she reached up, grabbing his wrist, "Do you trust me?" Ellie asked innocently.
"Of course," Bucky told her with a smile.
Ellie put one cuff around his wrist, then the other around the post of the bed. She repeated the same with his metal one, "You need to be careful, and we don't want to have to pay for a new bed."
Bucky's chuckle rumbled through his chest, sending shockwaves through her body.
"Feel okay? Not too tight, are they?" Ellie asked.
"Ellie, they are fine," Bucky told her as he went to move his hand, forgetting the cuffs, "Shit… I want to touch you."
Ellie grinned, "Not so fast."
Bucky threw his head back, "You are going to kill me."
Ellie placed her hands on the sides of his head then kissed him. Pressing kisses to his face, she started kissing down his neck, being sure to graze the skin with her teeth as she dragged her tongue down his throat.
"Shit," Bucky groaned as she nipped at his artery feeling his pulse speed up and started sucking at that point, sucking in the rhythm of his heart, "I don't like this not being able to touch you."
"You know. This all started because of my Mom's group that Nat and I go to at the park. They had this party, called Pure Romance party. I was so over my head," She said with a smile, "I'm talking about massage oils, crèmes for you and me that make you feel things… like tingling and stuff, toys, lingerie and… cuffs. As a joke, they bought me stuff, and I couldn't bring it with me, call me interested. I'm not going to try it without you, so we have some stuff to try when you come home. Plus, keep these cuffs too," Ellie told him as she ran her fingers down his wrist, and he moved to capture her hand.
"I'll be home as soon as I can," Bucky told her.
Ellie drew in a breath, "Enough with the sad stuff. It's sexy birthday time."
Bucky laughed.
Crawling down to the bottom of the bed, she grabbed his legs. Pulling him so that his head was on the pillow, and his arms pulled tight. Grinning, she looked up at him, "Didn't expect that did you?"
"Hell no," Bucky said as she crawled up his body and grinned, "What?"
"Little Bucky is trying to say hello," Ellie said as she lightly ran a finger over him, causing him to hiss, then rolled a condom onto his length, "I think you like this handcuff thing more than I thought you would."
Bucky groaned as she rubbed against him, "God, baby, you are so wet."
Ellie reached between them and slowly slid down on him.
"Shit, Ellie," Bucky groaned.
Ellie leaned over and kissed his neck, "I love you."
Bucky opened his eyes in the middle of the night and looked over to see Ellie's silhouette against the glow outside through the window, "El?"
Ellie looked back at him and wiped her eyes, "Still me."
Bucky sat up, noticing the cuffs were gone, and moved over to the window where she was, "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to go back… is that bad of me?" Ellie asked him as she wiped her eyes again.
Bucky sat in front of her, "Is it really that bad?"
"No… but at the same time, yes," Ellie said as she looked up at the moon, "You told me… before you left to look at the moon. No matter where you were if you could, you'd be looking at it too," Ellie bit her lip, "The nights are the hardest. I wake up gasping for breath during the night and can't go back to sleep usually. So, I spend my nights doing things around the house and looking at the moon, talking to you. Sometimes Steve finds me upstairs asleep. Usually, I start the day."
"El," Bucky said, taking her hand.
"I'm so tired, Bucky… but I can't sleep," Ellie told him, shaking her head.
"Shuri, when I first got to Wakanda… after the cryo… I had a hard time sleeping. She did a sleep study on me and found out it was the nightmares keeping me up. You should do a sleep study; find out why you aren't sleeping. I mean, you used to be able to run on only five or so hours, but you need sleep," Bucky told her as he took her hand, "Not only for yourself but Grant too."
Ellie nodded sadly as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"Now, how about you show me that last nightie," Bucky told her with a smile, "Then we can both wear the cuffs this time."
Ellie looked at him with a grin, "Both of us?"
"Yeah, so we are always touching," Bucky told her as he kissed her, "Because I can't keep my hands off you."
"Mmmm… I can't say no to that," Ellie said as she rested her forehead on his.
Bucky moved to kiss her forehead, "It's going to be okay… I'll do everything in my power to make sure it will be okay."
Ellie tried not to sob as she kissed him again.
Gasping for air, she sat up and pulled at her hair again as she cried lying in her bed in Brazil.
Wiping her eyes, she got out of bed and walked down to Natasha and Steve's room.
As if he heard her, the door opened, "El? What's wrong?" Steve asked, concerned.
"I need help," Ellie admitted as she cried into his chest.
Steve held her to him, "Anything, just tell me."
"I can't sleep, Steve… I can't sleep at night. I'm running on maybe two or three hours tops. Every night I wake up the same way, gasping for breath. Bucky told me I needed to do a sleep study like Shuri had him do. I think he is right. I can't live like this anymore," Ellie told him.
Steve rubbed her back, "I'll get you through this. We'll figure this out together."
a/n3: Oh no, what is happening to Ellie? Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have only one remaining chapter written. The rest of the story is outlined but not written. If I can get another chapter written in the next week or two weeks, you will get a chapter in two weeks. Thank goodness my classes are over!
Now to the reviews:
PrettyRecklessLaura: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Preview of Chapter 107- Back Here
After watching the monitors for an hour, there was nothing abnormal from what he could see, so he went upstairs to bed.
Around 5 AM, he was sound asleep when FRIDAY alerted him, "Dr. Banner, you need to get to Ellie."
"Does she need to pee?" Bruce asked, rubbing his eyes.
"No, her heart rate is accelerated. It is different than sir has with his panic attacks. It is a pattern similar to defib," FRIDAY told him,
Bruce sat up, throwing the covers off his body, "How long has it been happening?"
"For nearly a min," FRIDAY paused, "Her heart just stopped."