Reviews really do motivate me, and my days off of course. Enjoy as I know you guys do or else you wouldn't keep reading. A special treat in this chapter, it's all about the Rizzles relationship. This is probably my new favorite chapter in the story. I worked on this all day to get it out before five more days of work. I feel super accomplished.
Maura spent the first half of the drive to their next destination with Jane sleeping. Maura missed talking to Jane the past couple of hours but Jane really needed to sleep. All of this stress wasn't needed, and part of the reason Jane quit her job as a Detective so once she got pregnant she wouldn't be stressed, the whole point of this road trip was to get away from all the stress and Maura was disappointed how it all still happened even when they are over a thousand miles away from home. She kept on glancing over to her wife, especially when she heard Jane groan or mutter in her sleep, clenching her jaw. Maura would ocassionally reach over and take her hand in hers, giving it a squeeze, sometimes she could see Jane smile in her sleep and that made her more relaxed than when she was frowning.
She had so much love for Jane and really wanted to know about all the doubts she was having, she really wanted to communicate with her wife and help out the best that she possibly could. She wanted to let her feel reassured that Jane was all Maura could ever possibly want, no one would get her feeling this way. Jane was it for her and Maura knew this to a tee. Sometimes Maura had her own doubts of herself, the whole point of her wanting to take this trip with Jane. She was going through a crisis and Jane was there for her, she was always there, that's why it hurt how Jane could even suggest she would pick Kent over her. That wasn't even in the realm of possibilities, Kent was just a friend and colleague, sure they could hold some conversations that others felt left out of, but it didn't mean anything. Even if it was at a time where she wasn't with Jane she wouldn't have even considered dating the Scottish man. It just wouldn't seem right. Somehow a part of her always knew Jane Rizzoli was it for her. Now they are married, with a growing family and Maura plans to always have Jane Rizzoli right by her side.
"Why would I ever trade this for anything?" Maura whispered to herself, looking at Jane with a sad smile. "I don't understand how she could think such a thing."
She pulled her hand away from Jane's, causing the woman to move her hand resting it on her stomach. Jane tossed her head to the side, shifting in her chair. She stretched and moaned before opening her eyes, wiping them to wake up, "How long have I been sleeping?"
"About six hours, I was going to suggest you lay down in the back but you fell asleep so quickly. Are you feeling any better?"
"A little, just a small amount of pain in my neck currently."
"Well there's a rest area 15 miles away, we can get out and stretch and I can give your neck some attention," Maura smiled and Jane nodded.
"Sounds like a good idea," Jane ran her fingers through her hair, glancing in the mirror. "Damn, my hair looks like hell. Did you know I have bags under my eyes? How exhausted am I?"
"I'd say very, you know for a vacation we're not very relaxed."
"What do you mean we? You seem to be holding yourself together just fine." Jane glanced over at her wife.
"Trust me, there's a lot going on in my mind, mainly circling around the conversation we yet to have. Once we have that discussion maybe, just maybe we'll both feel better."
"And what if we end up feeling worse?"
"At least what we have to say will be in the open and we can figure where to go from there."
Jane shrugged, "Even if you end up hating me?"
"Jane, I could never and will never hate you."
"You did at one point, remember when we weren't friends that one time."
Maura shook her head, "Jane I was mad at you, but hating you? It's just not possible. I promise with all my heart I will never hate you, even when you think that I do." She rested her hand on Jane's thigh. "Okay?"
Jane just nodded, "Yeah, okay, but that time did hurt you know, when you were going to give your resignation just because you couldn't work with me."
"That's a time I regret more than anything, we wasted so much time being mad at each other when we could have been doing other things."
"Like what, give into our sexual frustrations?"
"Perhaps, we both had a lot of those, that's for sure, but our friendship definitely needed mending first."
"Imagine if we never made up, man I think hell would have froze over at some point."
"That's the thing about you and I Jane, we always communicate and always make up in the end because that's what loving each other truly entails. Communication, being able to open up to each other of our fears and doubts."
Jane nodded, knowing where this conversation was going, "I know Maur, and I will open up to you, soon just need to organize these emotions in my head first. To have it verbally make sense. I do want to thank you though, for having this patience for me. You're pretty incredible being patient with me."
"It definitely takes time and years of friendship to fully understand Jane Rizzoli."
"And I for one think you're doing a great job at it, even though I can be stubborn at times."
"Extremely stubborn, but it's worth it. I always appreciated a nice challenge," Maura squeezed her thigh before taking the exit to the rest area.
Once she parked they got out to stretch their arms and legs, it felt nice out.
"The air quality feels great here," Maura mentioned causing Jane to laugh.
"Of course you'd compliment the air quality."
"It's air unlike what you get in Boston."
"We get fresh harbor air though, nothing like the joys of smelling the harbor," Jane smirked. They headed towards the bathroom, Jane got done first she went to go look at pamphlets they had on South Dakota and around the area of Sioux Falls where they were currently at as it said on the display map. She then headed towards the vending machine for some snacks.
Maura came out of the bathroom just in time to find Jane with a whole bunch of snacks in her arms. "I leave you for five minutes and this is what it comes to. You hoarding vending machine snacks. I'm not sure all this is good for you and the little one."
"Well I'm not going to eat it all at once, and some of it you might enjoy."
"Since when do I indulge in Cheetos and are those Twinkies? Jane..."
"It's the only sugary snack I got, I swear, most of it is chips and a bag of Jolly Ranchers to suck on to help with the nausea I've been feeling. I promise I'm not going to scarf down it all. Just its better to be prepared in case we get lost or can't find a decent place to eat. Think of it as survival food."
Maura rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say Jane, now I think I promised you a neck massage."
"I think you did," Jane nodded, ranting about things they could do while they were here, Maura was glad to see Jane's trip excitement was back. "So maybe we can stay here for the day and evening and get to Mount Rushmore by noon tomorrow have enough time to see some sights before we have dinner and hit the road to our next destination, San Francisco to see the bridge with a pit stop somewhere in between."
"Well if you want to stay here we can go find a hotel and actually have a bed to sleep on tonight. I think that's the perfect place to have a massage and a talk if you're ready. Then go out for dinner and possibly go back to our room for dessert?" Maura smirked, Jane dumped the snacks turning to her wife.
"You judge me for my snacks and then talk about dessert, how rude," Jane chuckled, knowing very well what Maura meant by dessert and Maura knew Jane was just messing with her and it felt good hearing Jane joke.
They got settled back in the car as they went to get to a hotel, it gave a perfect view of the Sioux Falls and Jane knew she wanted to sit out there with Maura enjoying the view after dinner, taking in the air Maura loved so much.
They checked into their hotel room, carried their bags up and Jane plopped down on the bed. "Massage me up real nice Maura." She smiled as Maura sat down behind her, resting her hands on Jane's shoulders. Jane grunted as Maura started the massage.
"Geez Jane, you're much more tense than I thought."
"Yeah it tends to happen on long car rides and having so many stressful thoughts," Jane spoke, closing her eyes as Maura's hand kneaded into her warm skin.
"I wish you didn't stress so much sometimes, but I know you just can't help yourself."
"It's just hard to feel really relaxed sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah I know," Maura's thumbs pressing against the back of Jane's neck. "I understand especially with your family, never a dull day for a Rizzoli. I am glad though, glad I get to be a part of it, glad that I've always felt welcome in your family."
"I'm glad you feel welcome in my crazy ass family," Jane chucked. "Everyday I awaken and your still here, it gives me this feeling of great joy that you are really real, really here through the good times and the bad."
"Well that's what I'm here for to have your life feel a little better."
"A lot better actually, I don't think I understood true happiness until I met you, you truly are a godsend even though I know you don't believe in all that. You're always here and I'm always so glad for that, so glad for you," Jane turned to look at her wife. "I really lucked out with meeting you, I'd be absolutely hopeless."
"Give yourself some credit Jane."
"It's true though," Jane reached out to take Maura's hands on hers, her thumbs running over the surface, "before you came into my life it was a mess, I mean it still kind of is because I'll always be a Rizzoli, but it just... you just give my life a whole new meaning. Sometimes I wonder how you can stick around through everything, be this supportive wife and friend through all this madness."
"When it's a love like ours Jane, you just don't walk away. I need you in my life just as much as you need me, that's why we work so well together. That's why it hurts what you claimed about me and Kent. Even considering that I'd even want to, it makes me feel like you don't trust me, feels like you're trying to take the easy way out and running from your fears that you aren't good enough for me," Maura spoke, tears filling her eyes, she blinked them away as they ran down her cheeks.
Jane lifted her hands up to wipe the tears away. "Maura, please don't cry, I never wanted to make you cry or make you feel like shit."
"You're the best thing to ever happen to me Jane I wish you could see it all the time, see that I could never want anybody else, after all we've been through you're the one I turn to in comfort. I'd go through hell and back just to be with you, just to make you see how much you mean to me."
"I know Maura, I know you'd do anything for me, just like I'd do anything for you. I hate that what I said hurt you, I hate that I am able to make you cry. I trust you with my entire life Maura. I never mean to hurt you in all that I do, putting my life in danger, you've always stuck around, no matter what. I can honestly never thank you enough for all that you do. You've been with me for so long I just hate the thought of you slipping away. I don't want to have these doubts, these thoughts you'd be better with someone else they just happen sometimes. Through my eyes you deserve the whole world and when I can't deliver I feel bad. I feel bad anytime I let you down, I feel like you're wasting your time with me when there are so many possibilities out in the world for you. So many great things the world has to offer and what if I'm holding you back from all of that? What if I'm holding you back from all you are worth? What if you wake up one day and realize this isn't where you want to be? Those are the questions I keep asking myself, those are the questions that tend to keep me up at night. I don't know how many hours of sleep I lost to my thoughts getting the better of me. Accusing you of having a thing with Kent was a huge mistake, a thought I never wanted to have, but when you talked about your crisis how sometimes Kent made you question your worth it concerned me. It concerned me that you were starting to see the doubts of a relationship with me, seeing all the downsides and getting upset because you wanted an out, that you wanted someone to escape to when things got bad that you would end up finding comfort in someone who wasn't me. It scares me to think I could lose you so easily. And knowing it's all in my head, it worries me about my well being. And then with this whole Frost thing I just keep feeling worse, and seeing how Tommy is reacting to this. I find myself thinking of how I'd feel if it happened to you, I think I'm mad at Tommy reacting this way because I know I'd do the same exact thing. The thought of losing you is so strong if I ever did I just... I don't know what I would ever do without you. I don't ever want to be without you."
Jane spoke out all of her concerns and fears, she hated to cry but there was so much buried inside of her that she needed to get out, that she needed Maura to know.
Maura moved to wrap her arm around Jane's shoulders pulling her close as she cried. "I'm sorry Jane, I'm sorry you're going through this, through these thoughts. I wasn't aware that you hadn't been sleeping at home, I want you to know that you can talk to me absolutely anytime you want. Holding things in isn't good for you or your soul, I will always be willing to hear you out, to try to help even if you rather handle things on your own so I don't worry. The truth is Jane I always worry about you, it's just something I do because I care so much about you."
"I know Maur, I know I need to open up instead of keeping it buried but sometimes I feel like it's easier not to talk about things. But I realize how wrong I am everytime I try to keep things to myself," she rested her head against Maura's chest. "I'm sorry for the days when I'm not good enough, when I cause you pain and worry."
Maura moved to lift Jane's face, letting her wife look into her eyes. "That's the thing Jane, you're always going to be good enough, you're always going to be this strong woman even when you feel nothing but weakness. I want to lift you up when you're feeling down. I'm not just your best friend and wife, but I'm your partner as well. Partners stick together no matter what, they hold each other up, so don't feel the need to hide anything you're feeling, alright?"
"You make it sound like it's such an easy task."
"It may sound easy but I know that it's hard as hell to actually accomplish. You were the first person I ever confided it, the first true friend I've really had. So trust me I know all about it being hard to open up, it's definitely hard but it should be a little easier knowing you'll always have the support of someone who you'd mean the absolute world to," Maura placed her hand on Jane's cheek, gently brushing her thumb against Jane's lips. "You mean more to me than anything Jane, trust me that I want to take care of you in your light and your darkness. If you need more reassurance often I can offer that, I'd do anything to make sure you feel okay, that we'll be okay. Having doubts in a relationship pretty much sucks but I know that it can happen. I'm not going anywhere though, okay?" Maura dropped her hand from Jane's face, and Jane held it in hers, giving it a squeeze and a soft smile appeared on her face.
Jane nodded, resting her forehead against Maura's, just staring into her eyes for a moment before speaking, "I'm glad we had this talk, I feel a little bit more relaxed, still worried as hell but better. You make things so much better. I still don't think I could ever truly thank you properly."
"You thank me everyday, just by being here, it's a gift and an honor you want to live this life by my side. Did you want me to continue your massage now?"
Jane shook her head, "Actually the pain in my neck has gone away, I sort of feel relieved, don't you?"
Maura smiled and nodded, nudging her nose against Jane's. "I feel very relieved and grateful for our talk. It feels nice to open up, right?"
"Yeah, it does," Jane leaned down to capture Maura's lips in a kiss. Maura's hand rested on Jane's arm, as Jane's fingers tangled in Maura's hair. The kiss deepened all the love they felt for each other pouring into the kiss. Maura made a move to try and remove Jane's shirt, but Jane pulled back and shook her head. "You're always taking care of me Maura, please let me take care of you, show you how much I love you," Jane kissed Maura's cheek before lifting her shift over her head. "How sorry I am for ever hurting you?"
Maura nodded, laying down, propping up on her elbows. Jane smiled leaning down to kiss at Maura's jaw, her hands placed on both sides of Maura as she lowered her down fully onto the mattress. She began kissing down Maura's neck and nipping at her pulse. Jane kept on kissing past her breasts and down towards her belly button. Maura sucked in her stomach, Jane looked up at Maura, she looked pleased at their current situation. Jane ran her knee slowly against Maura's crotch, seeing Maura hips jerk up had the brunette pretty pleased. She was about to move down to kiss Maura's thighs with her lips when she heard a noise, she looked up at Maura, "Am I hearing things or did your stomach just make a noise?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, please continue," Maura whispered and Jane shook her head hearing her stomach growl again.
"Yeah that's definitely your stomach, maybe we should go eat. There's always time for this, I hate to be selfish and continue when you're hungry, you won't even have the energy to finish. Now mentioning food though. I am sort of hungry myself," Jane grabbed Maura's shirt handing it to her.
"I'm sorry that my stomach is being rude."
"Hey no worries, like I said there's always time, plus I have a lot of making up to do."
"Just don't overdo it just to please me you still need some more rest and to get your energy back up," Maura put her shirt back on. "You may feel invincible in this sort of situation, but you're still pregnant."
"Pregnant Maura, not crippled I'm not at that point of my life remember," Jane shook her head with a smile. "But thanks for worrying about me and the baby. Our little Rizzoli-Isles baby," she grabbed Maura's hand resting it on her stomach. "I'm still surprised I have a human forming inside of me, it's scary but oh so exciting."
Maura smiled, "It's definitely scary, but we can handle it. Your doctor said you should have a safe pregnancy if you ever were to get pregnant."
"Yeah but after how well my mother's pregnancy went... you were right, I shouldn't have gotten so many snacks from the vending machine. Let's go eat some actual food," Jane got up from the bed grabbing her wife's hand as they left the room, deciding to walk to a restaurant that was only about a block from their hotel.
They continued walking hand in hand, Jane kept glancing over at Maura, realizing just how lucky she was to have this incredible woman by her side. They entered the restaurant and they were led to a table right away, Jane was glad it seemed to be slow here they wouldn't have to worry about their evening being loud with people.
Their hostess was nice but once the waiter came over he frowned, taking them both in, Jane could tell he was silently judging them, "What can I get for you both to drink?"
"I'll just take a water," Maura spoke with a smile.
"And I'll take some strawberry peach iced tea, sir if you don't mind," Jane eyed the man who nodded and disappeared. "I guess South Dakota folks are a little bit behind the times," she looked at her menu and Maura looked at Jane.
"What do you mean?"
"I just don't think some people are accepting of us, you know same sex couples. I don't remember this state being on the list of places who approve of same sex marriages."
Maura glanced at Jane, "I didn't know you looked it up."
"It's how I found out it was okay in Boston when we started dating. The waiter does not seem very pleased to be serving us."
"Oh, you think he's... homophobic?" she whispered the word and Jane nodded.
"Or I could just be reading into it the wrong way, but I'm pretty sure our waiter is."
"Did you want to see if we can get a different waiter?" Maura asked and Jane shook her head.
"No, he'll just have to accept the fact that you're my wife," Jane reached over to grab Maura's hand. "One day it's bound to be legal in all 50 states and people are really going to have to deal."
"Here's your drinks," the waiter lightly scoffed. "Did you ladies decide on what you're going to order?"
Jane nodded, "Yes as a matter of fact I'm going to order the BLT Caesar Grilled Chicken salad, and my wife is going to have, what did you say sweetheart?" she asked Maura, who noticed the waiter's face scrunch up at her words.
"I'm going to have the creamy mushroom pasta and a plate of the truffle parmesan fries for me and my wife to share."
"Coming right up," he rolled his eyes after he turned away and went into the kitchen.
"Okay so you were right, he definitely did show signs of disgust and uneasiness."
"I can read people pretty good, that's why I made such a fantastic Detective," Jane drank her tea and smiled. "This drink is delicious, did you want to try some?"
Maura nodded, taking a drink and licking her lips, "It definitely has a pretty good mixture of peach and strawberry. One doesn't outdo the other."
"Kind of like us," Jane smirked, drinking some more.
"Exactly what I was thinking," Maura leaned over to give Jane a kiss, pulling away only after a few seconds.
"Here's the question, am I the strawberry or the peach? And why that fruit?"
"You're the peach for sure, it's the most versatile fruit and it's outside is fuzzy like you when you're in a good mood. As for me being a strawberry, it was Bass' favorite thing to eat and we both know we can say the same for you and your appetite for my Maura juices as you call them. Hence me being a strawberry."
Jane felt her cheeks flush, "Okay now I'm never going to be able to eat a strawberry again without thinking of your juices."
"And I still have the effect to get you to blush just by mentioning something sexual."
"Somethings just never change," Jane nudged foot with hers.
"Getting you to blush will always be on the list of one of my favorite things about you. While we're waiting for our dinner want to discuss?"
"Our favorite things about each other? I think it will take a bit longer than just getting our food. Was thinking we can sit outside and look at the Falls they have here, maybe we can discuss that then. It'll be a good exercise to deepen our relationship and feel better about ourselves. The lists will have no limits right?"
Maura smiled warmly at her wife, "That sounds like a wonderful idea. Our lists might take a while to go through."
"It's good having a lot of ground to cover, this is exactly what we need," Jane kissed her cheek just as the waiter came back with their food. He didn't say anything, but he did come back to refill their drinks. "Thanks," Jane nodded at the man before focusing her attention on their food.
The girls ate their dinner discussing how excited they were for their next destinations on their road trip they still had over seven days before they had to start heading home. They both agreed that their last planned destination should be New Orleans, both girls have always wanted to go there and so what a good way to end their trip in the French Quarter and the city with so much history.
The waiter seemed to lighten up a bit it did happen to be when they started to leave and pay the check. Before they left the restaurant their nice hostess came up to them. "I wanted to apologize to you for your waiter Lou, I forgot about his issue. I hope he didn't cause any problems."
"Just made looks of disgust, something we don't really have to deal with back home," Maura explained. "Everyone in Boston is so understanding."
The hostess nodded her head in agreement, "I've been to Boston before, it's a great area better than here."
"My wife thinks that the air quality here is much better than there. Lou just has to be careful, some people might not approve of the looks he gives them. I know I didn't appreciate it but I know better than to cause a scene, I probably would have years ago. Thanks for offering your apologies, it does mean a lot," Jane linked her arm with Maura's. "You have a good evening alright?"
"You have a good evening as well ladies," the hostess nodded before they left.
"At least some people don't mind it. I'm glad we don't have to really deal with that stuff at home. I kinda feel for Frost and Tommy that his father can't be more understanding."
"It's just his loss in the end, just like if your mother didn't approve or if my mother's didn't."
"Well one of which almost didn't, remember?"
"But she realized she didn't want to just abandon me and that I was happy so it didn't really matter."
"I'm glad because I always knew your mother was kind of not in the picture so well."
Maura nodded, as they continued their walk, "Speaking of which, it's been a long time since I've talked to my mother."
"I'm sure Constance doesn't mind, if she did she would call you."
"You make a very valid point. I'm sure Angela will invite everyone we know to this celebrating of your pregnancy."
Jane rolled her eyes, "God, I almost forgotten she has plans to make it a huge deal," she took a Jolly Rancher from her pocket, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth, Maura took notice.
"Are you feeling nauseous?"
"Just a bit, let's sit down," Jane tugged Maura's arm leading her to a nearby bench. Maura placed her hand on Jane's thigh, rubbing small circles. Jane's face fell in her hands. "Wanna start discussing your favorite things about me?"
"Yeah sure, now I already gave you one thing. But let's see, you're very protective of your loved ones, I love it how you can be a total badass. You're such a strong person, and you try your hardest never to give up. I enjoy the way your voice can get deeper than usual when you're aroused. I do enjoy the way you look at me which such love and like I'm the only person in the room." Maura paused to think of some more things. "You are strong willed and don't let bad things that happen bring you down for too long. I love it how you overcomed your dreams and fears when it came to Hoyt," she grabbed one of Jane's hands. "You don't let the scars on your hands define you anymore. I think my most favorite thing is how you can get me to fall more in love with you every single day. I find comfort in knowing you'll always be here and always want me in your life. You're an amazing woman and I'm so grateful that I got the pleasure of being not just your friend, but everything I ever dreamed of in a romantic partner. You make me feel so loved and welcomed and you make me feel normal. Well as normal as normal can be," Maura smiled, and Jane smiled back kissing her cheek.
"That was a pretty good list there Maura. I appreciate it all, knowing how much love you hold for me definitely helps things become easier. You always seem to know what to say."
"Is that part of your list?" Maura asked, playing with Jane's fingers.
"Yeah we can add it to my favorite things. I love how brave you are, you take everything as it comes and you make whatever it is bothering you work. I loved how you want to do anything you can to protect me so I'm not the only one doing the protecting. That you were willing to learn how to hold a gun just in case you needed to use it. I know you think I hate it, but I liked how you get me to try new things, whether it's food or different routines. I like how safe I feel around you, even when I have doubts a part of me will always know the love you share for me. I like your kisses, the way I feel when your hands are on me. I like when we're having sex how I can get you to curse like a fuckin' sailor. I like how comfortable you feel in my family, like you just naturally fit there. I like when you get all Google mouth on me, it's great how many facts you have in that brain of yours," Jane nudged her nose with Maura's. "My most favorite thing is having you by my side through it all and that you still want me after everything, after everything we go through in life you're still here," she squeezed her hand. "I love how you're my wife and how we belong together."
Maura felt good hearing this from Jane, she felt good that they had two very meaningful conversations today, their relationship seemed to have a new meaning, stronger than it ever was before. She hoped that after all of this today Jane would want to keep opening up to her on certain matters.
Maura felt happy tears fall from her eyes, the way Jane cupped her face and kissed her. Soft at first, before it got deeper, her hand resting on Maura's thigh, going upwards, "Want to go back to our room now?" Jane asked after she pulled back moments later from their kiss. Maura nodded, standing up from the bench, her hand in Jane's as they headed back to their hotel room where they'd be occupied the remainder of the evening.
See why I have this chapter as my new favorite. Rizzles had their serious talk, a nice time in South Dakota, minus the homophobic waiter. Jane and Maura's bond definitely got deeper in this chapter that's for sure. Hooray for our baes and a whole chapter dedicated just to them.