If I thought it had been chaotic before, it was nothing compared to now. Though seeing Constance turn eight different shades of purple made my week.

The chaos turned into a sea of mess as Constance tried to get Jared, Clint, and Natasha to leave. They weren't authorized for this. She didn't have the clearance to get them authorized either.

"That's cool." Jared pulled out his phone. "I'll call Fury directly and he can authorize it."

A vein started to pulse out of Constance's forehead. I was sure she was about to have a stroke then and there.

"Look," Evans stepped in. "I hate to argue, but we are running late. I'm STRIKE Team Delta's handler so I'd be happy to authorize them. Jared can call Fury and you can speak to him directly without all of the other drama."

If there was less of a crowd, I would have hugged Evans. After my near meltdown in the car, this is exactly what I needed. My best friends in the world by my side. I'd even tolerant my idiot brother there too.

"It's not drama, it's the fact this has been planned for just Kari," Constance argued back. "Do you know how much of a problem having three extra people are?"

"Not my problem."

Evans deadpanned voice made me snort in amusement. I wasn't the only one. Natasha hid hers behind a cough. Jared outright grinned. Clint was the only one not looking amused by it all.

"I agree with Evans," Rumlow chimed in. "You're either going to get all of them or none of them."

I had never seen the shade of purple on a person's face the Constance had right now. It was hilarious.

"What's it going to be?" Evans asked.

Secretly I was glad the two of them weren't arguing this time. That had thrown me off a lot earlier on.

"Get them dressed," Constance snapped. She eyed off Jared and Clint. "At least you two had the decency to wear a suit."

"Bitch please, this is Armani," Jared scoffed, pulling on the cuff of his jacket. "As if I'd lower myself to wearing anything less."

Jared was such a brand snob. Clint's arms and broad chest meant his suit were nearly bespoke as well. Natasha wasn't exactly dressed down either.

We were ushered into another room where Constance's team descended on the other three. It amused me that Jared was getting a lot of attention from the ladies. They were more wary about Natasha and Clint.

Once Natasha had her makeup done, she came over to sit next to me.

"You look like you haven't slept," Natasha murmured to me in Russian.

"I slept perfectly fine. The margarita's me and Abby downed last night made getting up this morning a lot harder than it should have been," I murmured back in the same language.

Natasha's snort of laughter made me smile. I couldn't put into words how grateful I was for them coming here. I felt ready to fall apart. Having the three of them would keep me together a little while longer.

"You should have called," the good humour fell away from Natasha's face as she continued in Russian. "We would have come."

"I was trying to keep the boys out of it," I dropped my voice even further. "They don't need this shit. I did say to Fury that I would do this."

Natasha clicked her tongue in disapproval but said nothing else.

"Thank you for coming," I added, swallowing back the sudden rush of emotion. "This is going to be easier with you all here."

"I know," Natasha said simply. "Plus, Pepper told me about the spread this Christine Everhart did on Tony a few years back. If she starts to be a bitch, we can use that against her."

Trust Natasha to have a plan. I shouldn't have been surprised. Knowing her she would have run an entire background check and stalked the reporter the second who she knew it was.

Considering how long it took them to get me ready this morning, the stylists managed to get the other three of them ready in record time. Before I knew it, we were all sitting in uncomfortable chairs with a table separating us from another chair. I got a look at Christine as she came into the studio, talking to Constance.

"Someone's unhappy," Jared said lowly.

Me and Natasha were in the middle, with Jared sitting beside Natasha and Clint beside me. Clint was idly playing with my hair at the back of the seat.

All four of us looked over to the very pissed off looking Christine.

"Constance is telling her about what she can't ask us," Clint said with a snort. He was watching them and reading lips. "Miss Everhart is very upset that she can't talk to us about all our deep, dark secrets. I'm betting she's going to dig anyway."

This was being recorded for later. At least it wasn't live.

"Watch out, here she comes," Jared said with a snigger.

Christine came over with a plastered smile on her face. I thought I was bad at faking emotions. But even I could tell this woman was pissed. She had a piece of paper in her hand. Something I'm guessing was a list of allowed questions.

"So," Christine started as she sat down across from us. "This is unexpected. How is everyone?"

"Brilliant," Jared said with a wide smile. "God, you're even more gorgeous in person. I'm Jared."

Natasha and I simultaneously rolled our eyes at Jared's flirting. Though it did thaw her expression instantly.

Suddenly I realized I knew Christine from somewhere. She had been the reporter I'd saved Pepper from when Tony had come back from Afghanistan. Even before he announced to the world he was Iron Man. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Nice to meet you, Jared," Christine said with a wide smile. "Can I address everyone by their first names?"

Nods came from the rest of us. I could feel Clint go rigid beside me as he dropped his hand from playing with my hair. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Evans standing to the side. His crossed arms and unamused expression. No wonder Clint had dropped his hand quickly.

I couldn't wait to have some privacy with him. Everything had gone to hell so quickly when Loki arrived. Then the aftermath felt like we hadn't had a moment to breathe together.

"Camera rolling in, three, two, one."

It almost felt like standing on the edge of a cliff and waiting to jump. My stomach recoiled as whoever it was off to the side had begun counting down.

"Hi and welcome to WHIiH World News," Christine's smooth persona instantly switched on. "Today I have the uttermost pleasure of introducing to the world four of the Avengers who fought in the battle of New York. They are agents of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. Please welcome, Agents Kari and Jared Lyngley, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton."

The world about to know my name was an odd feeling. While I knew this wasn't being broadcast live, it was still happening.

We all said some kind of greeting. I had the feeling of a deer in the headlights as I smiled and said hello.

"Kari and Jared," Christine addressed us first. "I think it's sad to say you're siblings."

"Twins," Jared and I said at the same time.

Then we grinned, near identically. It was almost a little creepy how in sync it was.

"25 minutes apart," Jared continued. "I'm the oldest."

"And the most immature," I chimed in. "But we won't go there."

It made everyone laugh. If Jared could be charming, I could be at least attempt to be.

"Kari." Christine turned to me. "You were the first person whose identity got revealed. How did an Air Force pilot go to SHIELD and then end up as an Avenger?"

There was something about the expression on Christine's face that made me question her smiling face. That question sounded very carefully worded.

"SHIELD pays a lot better," I said smoothly, then had a small laugh as I shifted in my seat. "But seriously, I was happy where I was. But I didn't feel like I was doing anything to make a difference. When I got the offer to join SHIELD, I had the provision in place I could return back to the Air Force if after a year I didn't like SHIELD."

It was a very watered down version but it had a thread of truth in there. I remember telling myself it was only for a year and it wouldn't be the end of my life. Funny how things worked out.

"You were one of the first F-22 female pilots," Christine pointed out. "And yet that wasn't enough for you?"

"People seem to think it's this crazy, glamorous life as a fighter pilot." I shifted in my seat again. "More often than not, especially as a junior officer, your ass is polishing a chair most of the day. I'm pretty sure I saw more paperwork in my first year as a fighter pilot than I have in my entire SHIELD career. I was getting fat and I needed a challenge."

Beside me, my three friends laughed.

"And you Jared?" Christine turned to my brother. "I believe you went down another path."

"Yeah, I went straight from school into the SHIELD academy," Jared said smoothly. "Operations. It's where all the cool kids go."

Jared really was charming, Christine turned her attention on him for a few more minutes. Jared looked like he was lavishing in the attention. He could talk all day. But Christine turned her attention away from him before he could get carried away.

"And you, Clint?"

"I got caught up in some petty thieving before I finished school," Clint said with an easy lie. "And it really catches the eye of SHIELD when you're doing that petty thieving with a bow and arrow."

Our chairs were close enough together that I could discreetly slip my hand and give his leg a reassuring rub. Out of all of us, he looked the least at ease.

Christine turned to Natasha who gave another bullshit answer. Hers was the story that needed the most coverage. At least she was a better liar than all of us put together.

"So, getting down to what the whole world is wondering about. We had aliens falling from the sky. Manhattan is in ruins. People are dead. We all know who Iron Man is, Tony Stark made that clear to the world a few years back. And now we have even more super powered individuals running around saving the world."

"Well, some of us have powers," Clint cut in quickly. "I'm pretty sure I can speak for Nat when saying our abilities have come from hard work and years of training. People probably didn't see Kari and me up on the rooftops at the start. She is one hell of a sniper."

I gave Clint a genuine smile.

"And show pony over there is actually one hell of an agent, even without his powers," Clint kept going. The name earned him a grin from Jared. "A very wise person once said to me that when a person realises they're part of something bigger, he can accomplish anything. When a team of people shares that conviction, they can change the world. That's what we are. The people who can change and protect the world. I think we proved that point pretty eloquently."

Those were Coulson's words. I'd never heard him say it but with the brightness that appeared in Clint's eyes, it couldn't be anyone else.

"A lot of people died," Christine countered.

"74," I cut in. "74 lives were taken but there are so many more lives who are changed forever because of that. If you give me a list and an hour, I'd have every single one of their names memorized."

Christine went silent. Obviously, her argument had been cut short. I wondered if she was going to play us off as villains.

"Every single life lost is a tragedy," I continued. "This is when I wish my powers could turn back time. Because I would go back and save everyone."

I felt my voice hitch as I spoke.

"If we hadn't been there, a lot more people would have died," Natasha spoke up. "I agree with Kari. Every single life lost is horrible. But the death toll if no one had stepped in? That would be unfathomable."

At least Natasha could use big words today. My brain was struggling to think of anything bigger than two syllables.

"I know people want someone to take accountability for all of this," Jared broke into the conversation. "Sometimes I wish it was us. At least then there'd be a face to put the blame to. "

I didn't miss the haunted look in Jared's eyes. There was plenty of self flagellation already going on in our group. Laying the blame on us was only going to make that worse.

"But you're stuck with us," Natasha said with an easy smile. It was fake but no one else would ever need to know that. "And we did whatever we could in our power to not have the world blow up."

"As I said earlier," Christine changed the subject. "We all know Iron Man. What about your other companions? We had a Captain America lookalike. A towering green giants. Then a very handsome blonde in a cape and armour that looked like he stepped out of a fantasy book."

I didn't need to see both Constance and Evans shaking their heads out of the corner of my eye to know that wasn't an allowed question.

"That's above our pay grade for sure," Jared said with a slight laugh.

"Those arms on our blonde friend though," Natasha said slyly.

"Mmm, yes." I enjoyed Thor's arms quite a lot. "Those were very nice to work up and close with."

That broke the tension. Even Christine laughed.

The rest of the interview went smoothly enough. It was dull and boring. But we all managed to smile through it, make a few laughs, and be generally well behaved.

Driving back to the Triskelion was quiet. Everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. I had done nothing for hours but I was exhausted. Back at the Triskelion, a very pissed off Constance ushered us into a room. Evans had lagged behind on a phone call.

"If you ever pull another stunt like that, I'll make sure your SHIELD careers are spent in very unpleasant situations," Constance seethed.

"Yeah, yeah," Jared waved her off dismissively. "You got what you wanted. Some faces to take the blame. Wasn't the point of all of this?"

I didn't miss the bitterness in Jared's tone. His charming demeanor had dropped as soon as we walked out.

"No, the point was for Kari to do the talking," Constance snapped back at Jared. "The rest of you just complicated it."

"I think it went pretty well," Clint said with an unamused huff. "You know, none of us are unattractive or dumb. SHIELD should be thrilled to have all of us united as a team."

Constance looked ready to have an aneurism. Thankfully, Evans stepped into the room a moment later saving us all.

"Get out, you're all free to go." Evans made a shooing motion with his hands. "I don't want to hear from any of you until Monday. Scat."

We did exactly that. Jared was very handy in that regard. He grabbed my hand and the next thing I knew, we were in my apartment.

"Drinks. We need lots of drinks."

With that, Jared was gone again. It was barely midday but I found myself going straight to our liquor cabinet. I pulled out some of the top shelf bottles we usually saved for special occasions. I felt like we all deserved it.

In less than a minute we were all sprawled out chugging down our respective choices of alcohol. The 20 year old blend of whiskey went down far too easily. I poured a second and the third glass with barely any pause.

"Well, that was fucking terrifying."

Natasha's simple statement made us all laugh. It started as a chuckle and ended up in full blown hysterical laughter. I had tears pouring down my face by the time my laughter stopped. My stomach hurt from it. It felt good though.

"Here's to no more covert work," Jared said raising his glass. "I'm going to have to join you losers more often."

"Here's to no more private life," I said dryly, raising my own glass. "But here's to my best friends in the entire world saving my ass. I suppose my brother did okay too."

"I'll drink to that," Clint said with a laugh. "Here's to STRIKE Team Delta plus one."

"Those words send a chill through my entire body," Jared snorted as he drank deeply from his glass. "Fuck me. What a month."

"You're telling me," I said tiredly, flopping back on the couch. "Thanks for saving my ass. I thought I had it. Apparently not."

"I'd say you owe us, but," Jared said, picking up the bottle of vodka. "This is a good start. What do we do now?"

"I have no idea," I said, taking another drink. "Ideas?"

"Eat shitty takeaway and get really drunk?" Natasha suggested. "I could go for a big greasy burger."

"Oh, shit," I suddenly remembered I had plans with Steve tonight. "I'm meant to meet Steve at Del Frisco's Steakhouse at 7 tonight. "

It was early afternoon. I still had hours to go. It meant I couldn't get disgustingly drunk like I really wanted to.

"Invite him over?" Clint suggested. "He seems like a nice guy. If we aren't completely drunk by then we can all go out to dinner."

"I'll do it," Jared volunteered, downing his glass of vodka. "I'm still freaking out that it's really Captain Fucking America. You know, that guy we grew up hearing about."

"He's aware of that Jared," I said with a laugh. "Don't make it weird. Here, use my phone."

I unlocked it and handed it over to him. Jared looked far too gleeful as he took it and then held the phone to his ear. It only took a second before he got an answer.

"Hey, Steve. Yeah not Kari, it's Jared." Jared gave us a goofy thumbs up.

The three of us had to hold back our obnoxious laughter at Jared. The alcohol was hitting me like a freight train. I really needed food with the amount I was knocking back. Even my slight hangover wasn't a deterrent.

"We're getting drunk, want to come over?" Jared wasted no time in asking. "Who cares if you can't get drunk. Come and drink anyway."

I'd forgotten about that. It was a side effect of the serum.

"Kari has an awesome collection of really good booze," Jared continued while pouring himself another drink. "I'm pretty sure there's whiskey here as old as you. So come over. I'll text you the address. I'm not taking no for an answer. I know how to hack your phone and get your location. Then you'll have no choice. See you soon."

I really hoped Steve didn't get offended with how obnoxious Jared could be. As far as I knew, this was the most they had ever spoken. Still, I didn't stop laughing as I poured another drink. If we were getting drunk, I may as well keep going. I grabbed the bottle and lay back on the couch.

Getting comfortable on the couch, I put my feet into Clint's lap. He held his glass out for me to refill. Instead of a standard fill, I just filled it to the brim. It was that kind of a day. I did the same with my glass. Natasha had picked up the vodka bottle and started drinking straight from it.

All my tension from the last few days started to drain out of me. The very good alcohol was helping a lot. The company was even better.

Clint absently rubbed my left foot as we drank and talked shit. It had been a while since all of us could do this. It really had been a hectic few months.

It was going to get even more hectic. I knew that. But for now, I was very content.

20 minutes later, a knock on the door came. Natasha clumsily got up and sprinted for the door. Yanking it open revealed a tentative looking Steve.

"Hey!" I waved at him. "Come in. Make yourself comfy and pull up a bottle. We're talking shit."

"What's the occasion?" Steve asked as he walked in.

"We did our first media interview today," Jared explained. "Kari was freaking out, so naturally, I saved the day."

To my relief, Steve laughed. A genuine laugh too.

"What do you drink? And don't say beer because it's spirits type of day," I asked, going to get up. It was a lot harder than it was a few minutes ago.

"I've got it," Steve said, putting up a hand to stop me. "Where is it?"

"Top shelf." I turned around pointing to the cupboard above the sink. "Help yourself to whatever takes your fancy."

Steve came back with one of the bottles of bourbon I kept in the cupboard for other company. Natasha had moved from the recliner to the other one where Jared was, lounging in his lap.

Looking wary, Steve sat down and instantly sank in the ridiculously overstuffed chair.

"Fuck."

Hearing him curse instantly made us all burst out laughing. Although I knew better, Grams had told me plenty of times, Steve was very different from his Captain America persona. Hearing him still swear was funny though.

It seemed to break the ice. Steve laughed along with the rest of us. Soon enough, the easy conversation was flowing. Even though Jared was a pain in the ass, he was making sure to include Steve in the conversation.

Steve was looking the most relaxed I had seen him by the time evening rolled around. Either that or I was too drunk to notice any difference. I was going to really regret my drinking in the morning. It had been fun though. Even Steve was enjoying himself.

Too comfortable to move, we ordered a ridiculous amount of Chinese. I was down to half a bottle of my good scotch between me and Clint. During the afternoon, we'd all gotten changed into comfier clothes and I'd scrubbed the inches of makeup off my face. It felt good. I felt like myself again. Not the mindless puppet I was going to have to play.

It was nearly midnight by the time everyone went to bed. It was just me and Steve left. I'd slowed my drinking down after dinner and was feeling a tad more sober. I'd been successful in persuading Steve to stay over, with the promise of Clint's cooking in the morning. Clint had been the first one to go to bed. He'd been quiet all night. Natasha and Jared had disappeared into Clint's room not long after him.

"Here," I said handing Steve a pillow and blanket. "Thanks for coming over and drinking instead of going out to dinner."

"It was fun." Even though he couldn't drink, Steve still looked happy. "Thanks for the invite, even though Jared did the ringing."

"He was having a fanboy moment," I said with a small laugh. "He and Dugan were close so he's heard all the stories."

I was sober enough to see the drop on Steve's face. It was so quick before he managed to smile again. This time it was a little more forced.

"Sorry," I instantly apologized.

"No. Don't be." Steve quickly shook his head. "I'm still getting used to it. Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye, I see Hazel. It's taking some getting used to."

"I suppose it's a good thing Clint doesn't look like Bucky," I said with a playful smile. "That would be a proper mind fuck."

That made Steve laugh. His eyes went to my bedroom door.

"Is he always that quiet?" Steve asked, turning back to me.

"With people he doesn't know well? Yeah," I reassured Steve. "When he gets to know people, he doesn't shut up. Trust me, enjoy it while you can. He's as obnoxious as Jared."

Steve laughed again. I could see the relief on his face.

"I'm going to head to bed," I said, smothering back the sudden yawn that crept up with no warning. "You know where everything is."

"Thanks for inviting me," Steve said, still smiling. "I had a really good time tonight."

"Anytime." I smiled back. "The Bravo boys have poker nights that Clint goes to. I'll make sure you get an invite. Goodnight."

Anyone with half a brain could tell Steve was lonely. As horrible as I felt for doing it, I knew I could work it to my advantage. If Pierce wanted Steve to join SHIELD, I'd make sure he had plenty of friends encouraging the same thing.

"Night."

It made me feel like the shittiest person in the world. I was glad I could turn my back and head into my room. In the darkness, I could see Clint's peaceful sleeping form. His hearing aids were on the bedside table and he was curled up around my pillow.

Gently taking my pillow back, I curled in next to him. He instantly pulled me in close, placing a sleepy kiss on my forehead.

I knew this peaceful little bubble wouldn't last. It never did. But right now I was more than grateful for my friends. This nightmare might actually be bearable with them around.

Authors Note.

So I owe everyone a huge apology for this chapter taking forever to come out. For the first time while writing this I felt like I lost Kari's voice. I had the page open there ready to type and I just had nothing. Not a scrap of an idea of how I wanted to do it. I've been writing this for so long it was a little bit scary to be honest. Then I got some back handed feedback that wasn't harsh but for my mindspace, it just wasn't great for me to write. So I stopped writing. Then I had a huge plot bunny for a Mandalorian story and it felt like a breath of fresh air. Because I could write again and I smashed out nearly 70k words in a month. I haven't been able to do that with Crystallize for a long time so I let myself get distracted with it. Honestly with how I was feeling, I nearly wanted to post an authors note saying I was discontining this and just letting everyone know how it ends. We are a very long way from the end of things and I felt far too daunting to continue.

And then I had a wonderful person reach out on Tumblr and honestly, her message made me cry. This story has been going on a long time and I do forget that sometimes. But to hear my character has helped people through rough spots in their life? I'm still a bit choked up about it if I'm being honest. Then I realised, I missed Kari. I did something I haven't done for years but I starting Crystallize and just read it myself. I know what's going to happen, I'm the author, but I still got a bit suckered into it. This world I've created that I hoped maybe a handful of people would read? I'm not even sure how I managed to do it all. Yet here we are, a story that is now as long as all three Lord of the Rings books, and I got to the end and went "Well what happpens next?"

And then I remembered I'm the idiot who has to write what happens next.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has read this. Whether you review or not, thank you so much for enjoying this crazy thing I've created. Thank you for loving Kari, Jared and everyone else who I've brought to life from some weird little scene I had in my head during the first season of Agents of SHIELD. Thank you for believing in me and sticking with me for such a long time.