"Carver? Would you like to give introductions?" Hawke asked, gesturing for the others to sit, and grateful that Varric had the foresight to pull in benches from the main room earlier- in preparation for their guests.
"Seems like everyone knows them already," Carver replied with a frown.
Hawke rolled his eyes, and decided to simply do it himself. "Everyone, I know you're well acquainted with Nathaniel, and most of you have seen Alistair before," he said as he gestured towards the men. "And this is the Warden Commander, Duran Aeducan."
The new dwarf in the room looked much more of a traditionalist dwarf than they were used to with Varric. He had dark, long hair and a massive beard that he kept away from his face by braiding it. Merrill especially seemed intrigued by the multiple braids that his beard was split into.
He gave Hawke a smile. "It's nice to finally meet you all," he said, his voice gravelly and deep, but cultured despite the timbre. "I'm fairly certain between my men and Cat's descriptions I could correctly name each of you."
"The Hero of Ferelden, not only meeting with our band of misfits, but knowing our names as well?" Isabela asked with a laugh. "What would the people think of their hero?"
Duran laughed, putting the others at ease. "Just Duran will do," he said with a grin. "Defeating the archdemon took countless people, yet somehow I was saddled with the acclaim."
"Well, you did strike it down," Alistair said with a roll of his eyes, as if they had had this argument many times before.
"Yes, so you keep telling me," Duran bantered back. "Though I can't seem to remember it."
Varric's look went shrewd as he looked at the men. "I thought the warden that struck down the archdemon was killed," he mentioned casually. "At least that was what I heard."
"O-of course," Alistair sobered quickly. "Riordan, a warden from Orlais was the true hero that day. But Queen Anora wanted to claim a living hero, to be a symbol for the people."
"The Commander was the one to subdue the beast, which was how Riordan was able to strike it," Nathaniel added.
"Right." Duran looked vaguely dissatisfied, and Varric made a note to himself to get the full story of the battle from the wardens at another time, preferably after they had had a few drinks. Some details were obviously missing, and he knew when a story was missing elements. Their secrets were practically jumping in front of him begging to be discovered.
"Anyway, back to the subject at hand," Hawke said, turning the attention of those in the room to him. "Just as Varric had discovered where the attacking dwarves were coming from, our visitors came, and we found out that these dwarves have been trying to get to Carver as well."
"That's odd," Isabela commented, frowning. "So it isn't about being Champion, but something about being a Hawke?" she asked.
"That's what we're thinking," Hawke replied. "And it explains why there was so much time in between attempts." He could see their confusion, so he continued. "They would try for me, then when that didn't work, go after Carver," he said. "That's why I thought they had given up."
"They want one of you for something, that much is certain," Duran said, noting how quiet his men were. They were obviously letting him take the lead in the conversation. "In fact, at first we weren't sure what they were after, because they were always stopped before reaching their goal. It wasn't until we decided to let them succeed in order to discover what they sought that we found out they wanted Carver."
"Or part of me anyway," Carver muttered.
"Why do you say that, brother?" Hawke asked, intrigued.
"They weren't trying to kill me, that's for sure," Carver spoke up. Hawke was surprised and impressed that while he was frowning, there was hardly a trace of the angry boy that he had been. "But they did say something about wanting blood."
"Blood?" several voices asked.
"Yeah," Carver answered, looking disgusted. "My first thought was blood magic, but these are dwarves, not mages. However, I doubt we will see the end of the attacks, unless we take the fight to them."
"Dwarves have been known to associate with mages, Junior," Varric added with a smirk. "Though most that do, wonder what they got themselves into afterward…" There were smirks at Varric's joke of his own dealings with the mages in the room, and nods around the table at Carver's deduction, agreeing that this needed to be addressed.
Isabela looked over to Merrill, putting her elbow in the table, and her chin in her hand. "I'm sensing a man trip," she said with a smirk.
"Man trip?" came the chorus of replies, in varying levels of amusement.
"Why do you say that Isabela?" Merrill asked with a confused smile. She was too used to not understanding what Isabela would say, but she could tell that Isabela was purposefully speaking only to her, so she played along until she got it.
"I mean, Hawke and Carver are a given," Isabela continued, the two ladies ignoring the looks and interruptions from the men. "And they'll need additional warriors- Alistair and Fenris I'm sure."
"But what if someone is hurt?" Merrill asked genuinely, beginning to see the picture she was painting. "Anders should probably go then too."
Isabela nodded. "That makes sense," she replied. "And if there are mages, then they need rogues to watch their backs, as well as one or two to scout ahead," she concluded. "Undoubtedly Zev will insist on going, to get things done while all these archers compete with each other."
Hearing enough, the men started arguing as to the validity of her statement- except for Duran and Hawke, who both started laughing. Duran laughed harder as his men turned to him in exasperation, and Hawke caught Isabela's eye, giving her a wink and a nod in gratitude.
He hadn't been sure who was going to volunteer, and not knowing the numbers of their enemy, he hoped most of them would. Not having Fenris or Zevran would have been a blow to their defenses, though he thought they could have made it work. He would never have pulled them away and left Cat alone.
But here was Isabela, solving all his worries with a few sentences. Letting Fenris know that she and Merrill would be staying with Cat to combat his own concerns, and basically giving permission to take Zev along- if he would agree- and it sounded like she would probably help convince him.
Thinking of Cat had him rubbing a hand lightly over his heart, feeling the pain again. He had been doing all he could to give her the time and space she needed, but the pain never truly went away.
The only relief he had, was physical pain that would temporarily override the heartache. And though he wouldn't voice it, he would be glad to have this distraction with his friends, without the worry of his love life- he hoped.
"So Zev is still here is he?" Duran asked, brightening. "I was hoping I'd get to see him, it's been far too long."
"He's at home with Cat," Isabela answered, and Duran's brows rose. "At Cat's home," Isabela added, but smiling, knowing exactly what she had implied. She did so enjoy keeping company with those that caught on quickly.
She now had no doubts that the Warden Commander would be helpful in getting information from the secretive elf. She made a wager with herself that he would see what was between Zev and Fenris within minutes of being with them.
Isabela cleared her throat and turned to Hawke. "So when will you go?" she asked.
Hawke turned to Duran, and Isabela smiled as the two of them spoke with a look. She wondered how Hawke could still be clueless when it came to trying to understand her and Kitty's silent language, but could so easily use one of his own.
She supposed he would say that Duran was easy to understand, while they were not, and the thought made her smile.
"I'd say as soon as possible," Hawke replied, and Duran nodded.
"Since we don't know who or what is the real goal for these carta dwarves, we should move as quickly as we can," Duran added. "The fact that they are coming after the Hawkes could have dire repercussions."
Hawke seemed surprised at that, but nodded along in agreement. "I'll leave you in Isabela and Fenris' capable hands then," he said as he stood. "However my mother may literally disown me if I do not bring Carver home to see her."
"Perhaps I should refuse then, and see what happens," Carver quipped, though he also stood. "It will be good to see her again," he added. "She has probably been pining for me since she only has you for company."
"We'll meet here at noon," Hawke told the room, then threw an arm over his brother's shoulders and pulled him close to rub the knuckles on his other hand over his head. "Perhaps I should tell you about the man that is courting mother, before you put your foot in your mouth too badly…" he was heard saying as they walked out of the room.
Fenris turned to the other wardens as he also stood. "You are all welcome to stay with Cat and I," he said with a slight nod of his head. "I doubt she would forgive me if I suggested otherwise."
"I'll be glad to see her again," Alistair said as he rose as well. "I cannot speak for the others, but I would be happy to agree."
"We all would," Duran added, and they all stood, leaving Varric as the only one still sitting, scribbling furiously. "Master Tethras, I'm sure we will speak on the journey," he said, turning to the other dwarf. "I am certain I have almost as many questions about your family as you do of mine."
"I don't doubt that," Varric said, looking up with a smirk.
"Are you coming with us?" Nathaniel asked Anders, as they exited the room, heading for the door of the tavern.
"No," Anders replied. "I'm sure we'll see more of each other than we want to in the upcoming journey, and I need to prepare for the trip. An adventure with Hawke and the Commander are pretty similar," he added.
"Meaning you need to make some potions?" Nathaniel asked, a hint of a smile on his serious expression.
"But of course," Anders replied.
"I can help if you need it, Anders," Merrill said, and he nodded in gratitude.
"Every bit of help could mean the difference," he answered.
"I have some dried embrium, and some other herbs at home if you'd like," she offered, as the group stepped outside of the Hanged Man.
"Yes, actually, that sounds great," Anders said, moving over to follow her to the alienage.
"Oh Anders," Duran called out, and the two of them stopped and looked back. "It's good to see you again, my friend."
Anders smiled a genuine smile, the sensation feeling almost foreign on his face. "You as well, Commander," he replied.
Duran watched for a moment as they walked away, then turned to Isabela and Fenris. "Lead on," he suggested. Fenris and Isabela shared a look, and then moved in the opposite direction.
"Should we warn them?" she breathed softly, knowing he would hear her, while the others following them did not. She looked over to see him thinking it over, then carefully giving a minute shake of his head.
Isabela faced forward with an uneasy breath. Ready or not Kitty… your friends are coming.
"What a surprise!" Zevran exclaimed as Fenris walked into the room.
Cat looked up, her eyes widening in shock at seeing the three wardens that were following him.
D- Duran?!" she asked, flabbergasted. "Al? Nate? What are you all doing here?" she said as her features softened into a smile, and she rose shakily to her feet.
The three men frowned as they watched Zevran rush over to assist her up. "Cat?" Alistair asked as he moved forward, arms outstretched. "Are you all right?"
He didn't miss how she froze, nor how Zevran tensed and placed himself between them. It was over just as suddenly, but it had him stopping abruptly, though he kept the smile on his face.
"Ah, it's the beard isn't it?" he asked, rubbing a hand over the small amount of scruff on his face. "My razor needed sharpening, and we were so close to Kirkwall, that we decided to keep pushing on rather than stop to camp last night," he explained, easing back as he did.
"And I still say we finally convinced him that he could look more like he was in charge with some facial hair," Nathaniel said sardonically.
"They have a point," Isabela said merrily, stepping into the circle and distracting them from studying Cat for the moment. "Why don't you all take some time and get comfortable?" she asked.
"Are you staying the night?" Zevran asked, watching Cat from the corner of his eye, and deciding she just needed a few moments to feel comfortable again. He gestured Fenris to come and support her, and he stepped away, indicating for the wardens to follow him. "Come, let's get you all settled, and then we'll catch up."
He started away, asking in a slightly louder voice, "Have you eaten?" looking back and seeing his dove had already relaxed again. He turned forward again, his look intense as he walked up the stairs. This was a complication he had not been expecting, nor wanted at the moment.
Then he smiled, trying to relax. He really was grateful to see his friend again after so long.
Stepping into the guest wing, he held his hand out to several rooms in front of him. "Take your pick," he offered.
Duran stepped around him, entering a room and depositing his travel bags just inside the door and turning back to his friend.
"Are you going to explain that? Or should I wait and ask Cat?" he asked gravely.
"You may want to do both, as you would receive two differing answers," Zevran replied flippantly, leaning on the jam of the door in the hallway.
"What happened?" Alistair asked, as he too dumped his bags and large weapons on the bed in another room. Zevran could see that Nathaniel was taking more care, but was listening intently.
"Tortured," Zevran replied, not giving details. "She's still… nervous, especially around large men."
Duran studied the elf, knowing that he was being purposefully obtuse, but let it go. "And what's the problem between you and Fenris?" he asked, smiling at Zevran's shocked expression that was just as quickly hidden.
"Fenris?" he replied, trying to sound innocent.
"Yes," Duran answered.
"Nothing," he replied, his voice suddenly void of emotion. Duran nodded, knowing it for a lie, but letting it go for the moment.
"Alright," he said. "Then, let's go talk to Cat."
They went the way they had come, none of them speaking on the way down just as they had on the way up, which only served to grate on Zevran's nerves. He's as observant as ever, he thought. But Fen needs to be the first to hear it…
They came back into the room, seeing that Fenris had been busy, and it appeared that Isabela was gone. There were now several more chairs brought around the fire, with Cat already situated into one. Duran wasted no time, and moved over to her. He stood in front on her, putting his hand over her own that were in her lap.
"Hello Doll-face," he said with a smile, though his eyes showed his concern.
The concern grew as her eyes seemed to fill with tears, though they simply pooled there, and didn't fall.
"Hi," she answered softly. "I'm really glad to see you guys, though I've been wondering what happened to bring you," she said.
The three wardens looked at the two elves for a moment, used to speaking to Cat about future events in privacy. Even knowing that they knew of her background, there was no way to be certain they knew of what they wanted to speak of.
And so, secrecy won out.
"Some Carta dwarves were discovered trying to infiltrate the base in Amaranthine," Duran said diplomatically. "Eventually, they also snuck into the warden headquarters in Ferelden. None of the survivors were willing to talk, and eventually we decided to let them through in order to discover their target."
They waited, looking at Cat. The men knew of course, as she had spoken of it to them previously, but they didn't know what the elves knew. She decided to go ahead and tell them. Though it was warden related, it could potentially affect them all.
"Carver Hawke," she finally replied, sensing both Zevran and Fenris looking to her sharply, though she was watching Duran.
"Yes," he nodded. "After so long a time between attacks, we determined that Garrett Hawke was most likely being targeted as well. We thought to try to work together, but if he were not involved, we would handle it ourselves."
Her face moved into a frown. "It sounds like you are working together," she pointed out. "However Hawke hasn't been attacked." She slapped her own forehead lightly. "So then, he must have volunteered to help."
The men and dwarf looked over to Fenris, and Zevran turned to him as well at seeing them, questioning. Fenris grumbled under his breath then looked up. "Hawke admitted earlier that he had been attacked- more than once- and had never told us."
His own eyebrow rose at seeing the fire in Cat's expression, and his lip turned up in a small smile as he continued to speak. "Only Varric was told, and looked into where the dwarves were coming from. They said they had the information though they didn't tell us."
"The wastes," Cat replied, rubbing her temples. "In the Vimmark Mountains."
The men looked at each other, seamlessly moving into a team now that they were all on the same page. "That's quite the journey," Zevran commented.
Nathaniel looked over to Cat from the seat he had taken. "How much have you told them?" he asked her.
"I was hoping I wouldn't have to," she replied testily, and he nodded.
"Perhaps we should all sit down then," he suggested to the others. "This will take a bit."
They did as he suggested, though Alistair wasn't paying much attention to the conversation. He worried as he watched Cat flinch as Duran patted her arm and moved away. Something is definitely wrong… he thought. Though it seems to be anything unexpected rather than the act itself that bothers her.
Cat didn't have to speak much, merely giving Duran a look whenever he started to gloss over details. If what they said was true, and they were all leaving the next day, then Fenris and Zev needed to be prepared for what they would be up against.
"The biggest obstacle we're facing here, is that any warden that is there is a potential way out for the creature," Duran explained. "That goes for Anders as well."
"So we have to somehow keep Carver and Anders from accompanying Hawke into the prison?" Fenris asked. "And how do you suggest we do that?"
"As well as not look like cowards for staying back yourselves?" Zevran added, and Nathaniel sneered at him.
"Cowards?" he snapped. "For keeping a sentient darkspawn from the world?"
"I said look like, not that you were," Zevran answered mildly.
Duran gave Cat a smile, and it fell when she didn't return it. "I'm sure we can come up with something, even if we have to fake an injury to keep Anders back," he said.
"Hawke can heal as well," Fenris pointed out. "They will see through such a ruse."
"It would be much easier if Hawke knew what we did," Zevran said, and the room fell into an awkward silence.
Cat didn't reply, she was so tired, and could feel how heavy her eyes had become. It had been a very bad day in regards to her decision to get back to her old self, and even the small amount of emotion she had shown had left her feeling empty.
Eventually the voices continued, and she let them lull her, as she leaned to the side, laying her head against the wing of the chair as she closed her eyes.
The others exchanged looks, but continued to speak for a few more hours.
"You're unusually quiet," Zevran commented as he took a drink of his wine.
Fenris looked at him with humor. "I believe I am usually quiet," he countered.
"Well yes," Zevran conceded with a nod. "I meant that you are even more quiet than usual."
"I imagine that is what you meant to mean," Fenris replied with a shrug.
"Are you trying to get into a battle of semantics?" Zevran smirked.
"I know a losing battle when I see one," Fenris answered. "No… I suppose it takes me by surprise when I learn of all that Cat knows," he said, frowning. "Though I have heard it before. It was surprising to see how forthcoming she has been with the wardens."
"And not with you?" Zevran asked, getting to the heart of the matter, and Fenris frowned.
"Now who is starting a battle?" he asked mildly.
Zevran didn't answer, but moved away to look out the window. "It is good that Isabela is staying," he said, changing the subject. "And Leliana should show while we are gone."
"So Cat will not be alone," Fenris said, nodding in agreement. "You seem to be putting all your hopes in Leliana," he speculated.
"We have done what we can," Zevran replied, still not looking at him. "Now we can only be a support. Though it feels as if we are becoming a crutch- as you feared."
Fenris scrutinized the other elf. While he couldn't claim to know him in and out, he felt he had been let in more than the others around them. "And is that was has you troubled?" he asked.
"Shouldn't it?" Zevran snapped, then gave a sigh. He turned back to Fenris, noting the he was simply waiting, as was his nature. Assess and use logic- never emotion… Zevran thought, knowing he was primed for a fight. He had hoped to avoid it, but it appeared he was not that lucky.
"I…" Zevran knew he was no coward, though this was the first time he had had this particular conversation with his legs trembling. "I want to step back," he said firmly.
Fenris' brow raised, then he looked down to his wine, raising it slowly to drain the cup. He set it down, reaching for the bottle and pouring a refill. "If that is what you want," he replied steadily, though his heart had started beating faster. "I will not stop you."
"We both knew this day would come. I cannot stay here forever," Zevran said, feeling ridiculous that he felt the need to explain when Fenris hadn't even put up an argument. "One cannot leash a wild animal after all."
Fenris looked up then, seeming unmoved. "You need not try to convince me," he said. "I am used to that which is fleeting."
Zevran knew Fenris was only being factual, but it stung him all the same that he didn't seem upset. "I do not see why we cannot still enjoy each other," Zevran said. "If that is what you want, I'm sure I can be persuaded to make myself available."
"I am certain that will not be necessary," Fenris replied as he took another drink. "Though I wonder if you offered Nyssa the same courtesy."
"I will stay to help with your sister," Zevran said, wanting to finish before he said something other then what he had practiced. "I gave my word."
"If that is what you want," Fenris retorted, now standing and moving over to stoke the fire. "I have Hawke, and the others. I am sure we can handle it."
Zevran nodded, uncertain why he was suddenly feeling desperate. This was the best, for everyone involved. Better to stop, before things got messy.
"I had hoped that we would remain mostly as we were," he said, concern in his voice causing Fenris to turn and look at him speculatively. "I do not wish there to be anger between us."
"Did you?" he asked. "If that is what you want, then that is how it shall be."
"Good then…" Zevran said, confusion marring his features. "Good. That is what I was… hoping for."
"Very well then," Fenris stood there, looking at him- though Zevran would think he was looking through him.
Eventually the silence became so awkward that Zevran felt it was closing in on him. He set down his glass, and moved to the door. "Very well," he echoed. "I will… see you tomorrow," he said, as he went out, closing the door behind him.
Fenris couldn't have said how long he stared at the door. It could have been one minute or one hour, but eventually he moved without realizing what he was doing. He snatched up his glass and flung it at the closed door.
He thought it would have helped, but he felt nothing. He grabbed the bottle to try again, but caught himself before it flew. He lowered the bottle back down to the table, lowering himself to the bench. His elbows rested on his legs, and his head fell into his hands.
She was very gently being shaken, but still Cat woke in a panic.
"It is only I," Zevran's voice came softly, and she gripped the hand that was on her shoulder.
"I- I'm sorry," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "You must be getting so tired of having to take care of me," she said with a smile as she looked up at him. She shied back immediately, seeing the anger on his face.
"That is what you think of me?" he snapped, moving away from her. He whirled back, pointing a finger in her face. "This is what family means to you?"
Her eyes were wide in confusion at seeing him sneering at her, and she didn't quite know what was happening. "I- uh, well no," she replied spluttering. "I just hate being a burden…"
He moved closer, and she flinched uncontrollably, but it only seemed to set him off more. "Stop it!" he hissed. "Do you truly believe I, or anyone here will hurt you?!"
"No, of course not," she started, and he interrupted her.
"Then what?!" he asked. "We remind you of them? You do not believe they are dead, or are somehow possessing us?"
"No! I mean, I know they're dead- "
"Obviously there is something!" he seethed, pacing in front of her, and try as she might, she could not understand what she had done to set him off. Perhaps he truly is tired of you being a burden… her mind suggested.
"I just need time…" she said timidly, and he whirled on her again. He moved closer, scrutinizing her as he looked her up and down.
"You have had time," he declared, his own mind screaming at him for what he was saying. They stared at each other for a moment, before he continued, passing judgement harshly. "You are a coward."
She was stunned, reeling from the blow that she have sworn almost felt physical. "What?" she asked in a whisper.
"It was so horrible, what was done," he said roughly, not giving anything to cushion the blow. "But instead of being who we have trained you to be, you would rather hide in this house, in your room, wasting away into nothing."
He turned then, moving away. Before leaving the room, he turned his head over his shoulder to give a parting shot. "You have never been a burden," he said, and turned back. "Until now."
He left the house quickly, hearing the sobs, but they did nothing to help him feel better. You got what you expected to receive from Fenris… he told himself. You only had to destroy the person who has loved you unconditionally to get it.
He moved a block away, entering a small alley between houses and leaning back against a wall, his head in his hands as he slid down the wall to sit on the ground. Bravo Zevran, he said to himself. Once again you destroy everything you profess to love, you miserable bastard.
Cat looked up quickly at hearing her name, searching for the source. Seeing Alistair, Nathaniel and Duran standing nearby, yet keeping their distance made her heart throb as Zevran's words echoed in her mind.
Hurt her? These men that were part of her everything? No, never… she was the one that was hurting them.
"Cat? What can I do?" Alistair asked quietly.
She looked up to him, and decided that she really wanted the hug that he had offered when he first got there. She held out her arms, looking like a small child that wanted an adult to pick her up.
Wasting no time, Alistair moved to her, picking her up in his arms and holding her. He didn't try to hug her, he waited patiently for her to lead, while the other two waited where they stood, not crowding. She sobbed even harder at the depth of understanding that the three of them had for her.
Alistair slowly sank to the floor, holding her like a princess, and she buried her face in his chest as she tried to calm herself. The last thing she wanted to do was wake Fenris. Seeing her like this upset him deeply, she knew.
"Had a rough go of it, huh Cat?" Nathaniel asked quietly as he settled himself on the floor on her left as Duran did the same, so that she could see them easily.
"I'm going to stroke your hair, okay Cat?" Alistair said softly, waiting for her nod. He started at the base of her head, lightly running his hand down her hair at her back. Then starting over again. His pace was unhurried, and it helped to calm her.
"Yes, it… it's been difficult," Cat finally replied to Nathaniel as her sobs ebbed. "I've let myself drown in the fear until I can't seem to breathe anymore."
"He didn't mean what he said," Duran commented. "Zev," he explained. "He took his anger and hurt over something else out on you."
"He may not have meant to hurt me," Cat agreed. "But he meant what he said." She sighed, enjoying the feel of support, as well as Alistair's hand in her hair.
"I have been a burden," she explained. "Almost two months ago now, I was held by some enemies of Isabela's. They kept me for three days, with no food and almost no water. Naked, tied up, and with something over my head."
"Tell me these men are dead," Nathaniel growled, and Cat smiled.
"Yes," she replied. "It shouldn't warm my heart that everyone I know would kill people for hurting me, but for some reason it does."
"You are part of us," Alistair said, matter-of-factly, as he continued to soothe her. "Of course we would."
"What did they do, Cat?" Duran asked gently. "I assume they hurt you?"
"Not in the way you are thinking, no," she answered, and the tension in the atmosphere eased a bit. "They were trying to break me," she explained. "At least that was what they said. They wanted me broken so that Issy would suffer."
She sighed, not wanting to remember, but unable to stop the memories. "The thing over my head was thick, so I could hardly hear, and they used that to make me paranoid. They would touch me- sometimes lightly, sometimes cutting me, or hitting me. I never knew what was coming or when."
"So when someone reaches out to you, it is still that unknown feeling?" Alistair asked.
"Only for a moment," Cat sighed. "I am trying not to flinch, because I know none of my friends will strike me."
"But?" Duran asked.
"It just happens, I can't seem to stop myself," Cat said, dejected. "And I see the hurt on their faces, and I know I caused it."
"Oh really?" Nathaniel asked sarcastically. "You asked for all this to happen, did you?"
"You know that's not what I meant, Nate," she glared at him.
"Perhaps they are hurt that they inadvertently caused you to suffer?" he suggested.
"Which circles back to being my fault," she pointed out.
"My, my," he said, as he examined a callus on his finger. "Someone thinks very highly of themselves."
Her mouth opened at his tone, and she stared at him for a few moments before she started giggling. "Is that how it looks?" she asked between laughs. "Poor Cat, everything is her fault…" she mused. "Boy… how can anyone stand to be around me?" she exclaimed.
"You have your good qualities too," Nathaniel said with a smirk.
"They must be very good to outweigh this," she mumbled.
"Oh, they are," he teased with a suggestive tone.
Cat blushed, embarrassed yet delighted at hearing it.
"So, what happened with Hawke?" Duran asked, and Cat's face fell into a guarded expression.
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking away.
"I mean, I hear from several sources that our little Cat is having the romance of the ages, and when I see her myself, I see no evidence of such." He bent his head to catch her eye. "So… what happened?"
Cat sighed, bringing her hands up to rub her face. She was so tired of crying. "At first, nothing," she muttered.
"Cat…" Duran warned, and she looked up to meet his gaze.
"No really," she told them, trying to be diplomatic. "The thing is… I just don't want anyone to get mad at him. It's not his fault, you see."
"We already know everything is your fault," Nathaniel butt it. "Didn't you just finish telling us so?"
Cat laughed merrily, as she shook her head. "How do you always end up on top when we argue?" she asked.
He gave her a wicked smile, and she immediately realized her play on words. "Don't say a word," she threatened, as the other two snickered.
"My dear lady, I wouldn't dream of it," Nathaniel said loftily.
"Back to Hawke," Alistair said with a roll of his eyes.
"The point is," Cat continued. "Hawke and I tried to… uh, pick things up again, after the.. uh… bad stuff. Several times."
"And?" Duran asked, even as Cat flushed.
"It… is kind of embarrassing," she muttered.
"I think we can read between the lines, Commander," Alistair answered, and Cat gave him a grateful look. "This new phobia made it difficult for her to be touched, which in turn made it difficult on her lover- since that is just what he wants to do."
"Oh… of course…" Duran said, feeling somewhat uneasy as he realized where the conversation was going.
"Are you… blushing?" Cat asked Duran in shock.
"N-no, of course not," Duran retorted hastily.
"He probably doesn't like the image of our little Cat having a lover," Alistair added in jest.
"All right, that's enough," Duran said, getting flustered.
"I think you may be onto something there," Nathaniel smirked. "Commander, you do have some idea of what Cat and Hawke have been up to, right?"
"Nathaniel…" Duran threatened, and Nathaniel held up his hands in surrender, though he was grinning at his leader. "I think it is time for me to retire," Duran said in exasperation. "Remember we leave tomorrow, and this is the last chance for use of a bed for some time?" he asked as he stood, and Nathaniel and Alistair nodded, though they were hiding their laughter at the same time.
Duran shook his head, and gave Cat a nod. "Goodnight Cat," he said somewhat haughtily, and then moved over to go up the stairs.
"Good night," she replied, and the three of them were quiet as they watched him go. Nathaniel and Alistair waited until he was gone before turning back to Cat.
"Details," Nathaniel demanded.
"What?" she asked, gaping at him. "No!"
"Come on Cat," he said with a smirk. "How can we help unless we know what the problem is?"
"We don't want the, uh, sexy details," Alistair said.
"Speak for yourself," Nathaniel countered.
"BUT," Alistair stressed as he continued. "But we do want to help, if we can." He looked down at her with a gentle smile. "You know we both just want you to be happy."
"Even if that means with Garrett Hawke," Nathaniel added with a slight sneer.
Cat looked at him in question. "Do you not like Garrett, Nate?" she asked. "It seemed that you got along fairly well before."
"I won't really like anyone that you decide to love," he replied seriously. "But," he continued as he looked at her. "for the most part, he is a good man. It could have been worse I suppose."
"Yes, you could have chosen Carver Hawke," Alistair teased, and laughed as both Nathaniel and Cat made a face at that. "So, do you want to tell us?" he asked, trying to not show his curiosity.
Cat sighed. "Not especially, if I am being honest." She gave another sigh, deciding to give them something. "Each time ended badly," she said, pouting slightly. "Or, I suppose I should say, halted long before it got to an ending."
"Ooh," Nathaniel gave her a wince of sympathy.
"So I asked him for time, and he has given it to me." She grunted as she flopped back into Alistair's chest, and the two men looked at each other in question. Nathaniel shook his head, and Alistair nodded in reply. They would let this go… and start the questions again while they traveled… with Hawke.
"So, I've noticed you are feeling comfortable with Alistair there," Nathaniel said, changing the subject.
"Yeah," Cat mumbled, even as she closed her eyes. "It's nice to cuddle with someone again."
"You could always come over to my lap," he suggested, smirking at the baleful look she graced him with.
"Keep dreaming," Alistair said. He lowered his voice and spoke next to her ear. "I'm going to put my arms around you…" he said, giving her a few moments to protest, then slowly hugged her closer.
They sat there quietly until she fell asleep. Helping each other, Nathaniel and Alistair made their way upstairs, putting Cat in her bed, then finally to their own rooms for a few precious hours in a bed before they hit the road again.
Cat knew she was distracted, and knew that everyone could tell, though they didn't mention it. She supposed Fenris was just happy that she was up and dressed that morning. She didn't see Isabela, nor Charade, and she smiled to herself. She could guess what was keeping them, but she didn't voice it.
The two women weren't the only ones missing. Hawke and Carver were not there yet either, and knowing Leandra, she was taking every possible moment with her boys before they left again. Cat couldn't blame the other woman; the last time her boys left together, Carver didn't come back afterwards.
She looked around the room, seeing Varric speaking to several different people, obviously getting jobs in order before they left. Duran, Nathaniel and Alistair were scarfing down food at a rate that would choke any normal person, and Merrill seemed fascinated to watch them. I suppose Anders never eats enough, so she hasn't seen the full extent of a grey warden's appetite.
A snap in front of her face brought her attention around, and she looked at Anders in surprise. "What?!" she asked, a little too sharply.
"Sorry Cat," he answered, lowering his hand. "But I said your name a few times, and I didn't want to touch you… you know, just in case."
She looked away, feeling bad, before he continued.
"Hey, it's nothing to be upset about!" he said hastily. "It's just a good rule of thumb after all!"
"Yeah, right," she muttered.
"Hey!" he snapped his fingers in front of her hanging head, and she glared up at him. "I mean it," he stressed. "I don't know that there is a single person in this group that I would have just grabbed and shaken." He gave her a lopsided grin. "Otherwise I'd end up with a hole in my chest or something sharp sticking out of me."
She had a mental picture of Fenris and Zevran doing just that, and returned his smile. "I suppose I just fit in a bit better now then, hmm?" she teased.
"Right. So, I was just wondering what had you staring off into space," he asked. "Especially since Fenris is doing the same," he added, gesturing over to the elf that was standing out of the way against a wall, holding an untouched drink in his hand. "Did you two fight or something?" he asked quietly.
"No," she replied, even as Fenris turned to glare at the mage, then looked away again. She smiled at Anders as he blanched. "I'm just… I …uh, want to talk to Hawke before you all leave," she stuttered nervously.
"Oh?" Anders asked, his face hopeful. "Does that mean I'll stop seeing Hawke in my clinic so frequently?"
Confusion crossed her features as she looked up at him. "Huh?" she asked. "What does that mean?"
He looked surprised, and tried- unsuccessfully- to cover it. "Oh, uh… nothing."
"Anders…" she frowned at him.
He sighed, moving a little closer. "Hawke has just been taking more jobs that's all… since he has more free time."
It took a minute for her to understand, but her eyes widened in understanding. "He's getting hurt?!" she exclaimed, and he shushed her.
"Minimally…" Anders said quietly, even as the others turned to look at them. He gave them a sheepish expression, and turned back to her. "I uh… thought you knew."
"What aren't you telling me?" she asked shrewdly.
He sighed, but knew it was futile. "He's a little reckless," he explained. "Especially in his training." He sighed again, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Adrius and I see him a few nights a week… and I imagine he is handling smaller healings himself."
She took the information in, but realized that she couldn't really ream him, nor Hawke, for it. She hadn't been there, so she couldn't complain. Everyone coped in their own ways. But maybe I can change things now…
She got lost in her thoughts again, going back to the previous night once again. It had been such a revelation for her, how comfortable she had been with Alistair holding her. She had thought all morning of it, and had come to the conclusion that communication was the key… and something that she and Hawke had been lacking.
The first time they had tried to be together she had wanted him so badly that she had jumped in without a thought. The moment she had frozen- trembling and crying- had surprised her as much as him. She had been so embarrassed, and he had tried to understand, but she just wanted him gone.
After that, he had kept his distance until she had gone to him- needing him. The frustration of him holding back had her slapping out at him again, which he couldn't understand.
After that, he tried to be as they were, and the two of them were so awkward that they couldn't make it past the first touch before she felt it was all wrong.
She knew leaving had hurt him- but she had been so full of doubts that she couldn't have stayed. She needed time to figure out herself, to find out what she truly wanted. And now… now that she knew that she only wanted him- she worried if she were too late.
It was no wonder that she was a little distracted.
"Hey!"
This time, the snap of fingers didn't surprise her, and she looked up at Anders with a wry smile.
"You going to be okay?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I think I am," she replied. She leaned forward, looking him dead in the eye. "Don't go in that prison, Anders."
He looked back at her, noting the gravity of her statement. She didn't tell him when he asked about things, but he couldn't help but continue to try.
"Why?" he asked cautiously, before seeming to remember. "That thing you were telling us months ago?" he asked quietly.
She looked around them for a moment before her eyes came back to his, and she nodded. Her voice was even more quiet as she moved closer, putting her arms around his neck in a hug that had him freezing in place. "Remember it can control the taint," she whispered in his ear. "Stay away, please."
She stepped back, giving him a small smile again, before moving away to speak to Merrill. He followed her with his eyes, his good mood suddenly soured. Control the taint? he thought, the memory of the conversation long ago coming back to his mind slowly.
He wondered what exactly they were getting themselves in to. And why it wanted Hawke. But as he watched Cat speak and laugh with the Wardens, he couldn't resist wondering what she had told them… and what she hadn't told him.
It matters not… Justice spoke in his thoughts. Everything will come to pass even if we were not to return, just as we designed.
But I will return, Anders replied to himself. I will see freedom spread forth, even if it is the last thing I do.