Chapter Menace: Santa Kills Lasagna
"I have heard of the DOOMERS," said the man in the hat. He looked down at the yellow rat beside him. "My name is Ash Ketchum and I am 50 years old. My father died in the war against toenail clippings and thus I seek revenge."
"You are just the man for the job," said Ray, flexing his biceps for the camera. "I trust your friend is a powerhouse?"
"Yes, he is a Pikachu," said Ash.
"Bruh," said the Pikachu owned by Ash.
"When Pikachu gets crystals in his cheeks, he can use stronger thunderbolts than the average Pikachu," explained Ash with vigorous nose intentions. "This is how life progresses these days."
"Yes, unfortunately," said Ray. He turned to sleeping Sonic. "Our friend is drowsy and cannot be awakened until the expiration of time. Can you do anything about it?"
"I can try," said Ash. "Let me go to Viridian Forest and then maybe I can find an Awakening."
"Totally dude," said Jet, smiling with the wisdom of Extreme Gear in his soul.
"When Sonic is awakened, what do he do?" asked Metal, browsing his local hardware catalogue. He wanted more machine parts for his arsenal. It would make him look cool and more merch of him would be made.
"I think he can become Super Sonic and fight evil with his glorious goodness," said Ray. "I learnt that in a very old tome about cactus health."
"Truth," said Jet. He remembered studying cacti at Princeton.
Metal eyed Jet angrily because he knew cacti were best studied at Dartmouth.
"Our team is yet assembled," said Ray. He cracked open a can of Coca Cola and downed it in a single holy gulp. Jet and Metal marveled at his muscular throat. He was just like the Henry Ford of soda.
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