Hello!
Thank you guy so much for your reviews! I'm of course especially content to hear my OC fits into the story and is rather popular (proud Author-San/mum... uh... does that make me super old...?). Anyway, thanks so much, also for all the titles you've given him - life advisor, marriage counsellor, fairy godmother xD he'd he happy to be called all of them xD
Mitzy123, thank you so much for your reviews! I'm glad you liked Jura's reaction as I've had quite some fun with that :D Thanks for so many paragraphs and, finally, hope you'll enjoy the honeymoon (if that didn't sound odd... you got married? xD)!
Mikasa-Chan, congrats on being done with your finals! And finals! Yay! I hope you can enjoy the well-deserved rest now and will be content with your results! Thank you so much for your review despite the stress! And for the praise on the OC; makes me really proud. Would've never noticed about the anniversary if you hadn't said it - has it really been that long...?
Guest, thank you so much for leaving me such a sweet review! Hope you'll continue to enjoy.
foxydame, thank you for so many paragraphs of a lovely review! Haha, you picture them the exact way I do as parents - he'd spoil the kid rotten while Erza would have to bring some rules into the chaos ':D Also thanks for the anniversary congrats, even if early (I still have to look up when that is...)! Also also - speaking of things I'd have never noticed - I can't believe this is the most reviewed English Jerza fanfic on all of FanFiction! I had to check when reading your review and I still can't believe it :o
So on that note, thank you all so much for so unbelievable many and un-top-ably kind and considerate reviews!
Enjoy!
Hot water burbled softly as Meredy poured the tea into Erza's cup. She hissed when a drop landed on the table, biting her tongue as not to curse at herself.
"It's fine," Erza nonchalantly wiped the droplet away with her sleeve.
"I need to practise more," Meredy lamented. "I promised Richard to help him out at his café, but so far, I doubt I'll of any help…" she sighed, putting the teapot down. "I'll ask Mira if I can take over serving drinks," she nodded to herself, sinking into the opposite chair. "Where's Jellal?"
"At the library, extending the date of return for the books he borrowed,"
"The ones in the bedroom?"
"Mhm," Erza sipped her tea, enjoying the way the steam warmed her face.
"Don't you think that's a little much to take with you?" Meredy sipped her own, putting it down when having burned her lip. "I mean that's a lot of stacks," she traced her lower lip with her tongue.
"I told him he could get them back once we return," Erza shrugged.
"What about provisions?"
"He fetched those this morning," Erza informed, pointing at the bags in the corner by extending a finger from where she held her cup. There was a bit of everything, ranging from sweet to savoury to still Titania's random cravings. All but one thing. "I think he's avoiding meat,"
"Right?!" Meredy consented immediately. "I' pretty sure he tried for years, but now that he's the one doing the shopping, he just doesn't buy any; I don't think I've ever seen a single piece of meat in your fridge,"
"If he prefers not to eat it, that's fine by me," Erza shrugged, taking another sip. "I have to admit I haven't missed it so far," she put down her cup, and Meredy gave an acknowledging nod.
"Oh, by the way," Meredy rested her chin in her palm, elbow on the table, "Lucy and Wendy know, don't they?" She did not give enough room to answer, continuing. "'Cause I heard them whispering all evening yesterday – at Fairy Hills – and I dropped them a hint and they returned it, so we talked," she blabbed, "and they might be coming over to see you off," she finalised.
"Do they know we're leaving?" Erza asked. She had not exactly pleaded for it to be kept a secret, but she knew that if the two girls had already noticed her pregnancy so easily the other day, she could not just show up at the guild to say her farewells. The guild would cope, she knew, and there was always the possibility to call.
"No, but it sounded urgent, so I told them you'd be here today," Meredy retold. Eyeing her tea with mistrust, she opted to rather pour Erza another one, getting up to do so properly.
There was a knock on the door, and for a second, Erza expected Jellal to be returning with his hands too full of more books to find a key, though she doubted the library to have any more than he had already taken.
Since she was already standing – and, so Erza thought to herself, since the table concealed the growing midriff – Meredy went to open the door.
"Is Erza here?" Wendy's voice came as if summoned by their chat.
"And is Jellal out?" Lucy asked next. Meredy affirmed both questions, bidding in. The two fleetly dropped their boots in the entrance, practically storming the kitchen where they had already caught sight of their target. "Erza!" Lucy called as she blustered into the kitchen, Wendy skidding right after and into the blonde where they came to a halt at the table. "We've thought about what you told us,"
"And we're really so sorry we didn't react any better than we did," Wendy piped up, on the verge of bowing when Erza reached for her arm to stop her. Exchanging a glance with Lucy, Wendy unfolded a piece of paper. "So we made this list," she announced.
"Of the things we could help you with to make Jellal feel better about himself," Lucy went on. Erza blinked at them, taken aback.
"We were thinking maybe spending time with Asuka or talking to Bisca, Alzack or Levy," Wendy elaborated, gesturing to the first few points on the list. They were all in brackets, and Erza's eyes flew across them, but Wendy rushed on faster than she could scan the words. "And we imagined that perhaps a visit to the orphanage would be a nice idea,"
"But then we remembered that it's not so much the child but himself,"
"And Master might help with that, you know," Wendy nodded excitedly, "talk to him about it,"
"Yeah, and if we ask nicely, I'm sure Queen Hisui would spare him some time to make clear that his pardon was not just empty talk," Lucy slid her finger down the bullet points. The writing was as much of a mess as their speech, tumbling over itself, the scribbling quick and sometimes struck or corrected, if only because it had come out illegible.
"We checked the library yesterday but there's nothing on pregnancy," Wendy mused, and Erza pulled an apologetically amused face. "But we found a midwife in Magnolia and we could ask her for some advice,"
"We didn't really think Porlyusica to be… sensible enough for the job," Lucy grimaced, and Wendy nodded sheepishly, then sternly as they both arrived at their last point. "So finally, we found something really good; it's bound to help," she declared. Erza raised her brows, having given up on following by the scrawling. Lucy straightened, crossing her arms proudly as she gave a confident smile. "Letters," she said. Erza frowned.
"Letters?" She asked, raising her voice for the first time since their assault. It was downright adorable. Not only their dedication to the problem at hand, but the enthusiasm they put into it, burning for their solutions and the possibility of helping their friend. Their friends.
Meredy was smiling gently, leaning against the doorframe from where she watched them. Erza wondered whether they had talked about it together; whether she knew at all of her best friend's struggle. Then again, she had known of his constant struggle with himself for over eight years, so even if it was news to her, she was not as shocked as her guildmates had been.
"Yes," Lucy confirmed, "a letter from each guild member addressed to him,"
"We already wrote ours," Wendy interjected.
"We just thought that if we asked the others and they could say something really nice about him, why not have them write it?"
"Then he can read them whenever he feels down," Wendy finished. And have proof against his constant misinterpreting, Erza added in her head. He was afraid of everyone's opinions, he had told her so, and the idea of them telling him directly without telling him directly – avoiding the to him embarrassing part of receiving compliments – did sound appealing.
Erza smiled gently. She spread her arms, and Wendy almost came running while Lucy smiled back broadly, shuffling around the table and into the embrace the young Dragon Slayer was already taking full advantage of.
"Thank you," Erza quietly said, finding her voice weak with the verge of moved tears. She bit them down, not least as not to give in to the rumoured 'mood swings' Lucy had correctly accused her of. "For caring so much," Erza gave a squeeze, releasing them but it took Wendy another moment to take the invitation, peeling away rather reluctantly. Erza hoped it was not lingering guilt. "These are wonderful ideas," she smiled. "I can't believe I haven't thought of most of them at all," she chuckled, and Lucy mirrored it while Wendy gave a triumphant grin.
"I wonder why you didn't mention a natter with Gajeel," Meredy teased, pushing off the doorframe to join the cluster.
"We thought Jellal could use a gentler approach," Lucy sheepishly disclosed.
"That's why we didn't put Porlyusica on the list either," Wendy stressed again. She had stayed close to Erza, now kneeling down after the crushing hug, arms crossed over her friend's knees. Erza put a hand atop her head, seeing to it that the apparently clingy girl understood there to be no hard feelings.
"If you agree to the letters, Erza, I can also contact the boys and Solano," Meredy volunteered. "I'll make sure they take it seriously," she rolled her eyes, and Lucy sighed knowingly.
"I'll think about it," Erza promised, and the girls beamed at her.
"Also, I think-" Lucy commenced, just when the key fumbled in the lock of the front door. Wendy and Lucy exchanged a panicked glance, knowing they did not want to worry him any more than necessary by either showing how they knew the couple to be home and expecting, nor by having to come up with a terrible lie on the spot.
Wendy shot under the table while Lucy's eyes still flashed about. Meredy was faster, shoving her away from the open doorframe, then swiped the engagement ring off Erza's finger. Swiftly, she stalked down the hall. Somewhat yelling his name in greeting, she whispered before he had the time to respond and shooed him into the bathroom where they began their imaginary search for Erza's ring that would miraculously reappear once the coasts were clear.
With one last grateful twinkling, Erza waved her friends goodbye as they snuck out the door.
It was already dark when Meredy returned to the house. She toed off her boots, then tossed her heavy coat over the hanger in the corner, not bothering to unwind her scarf. The lights were already off, save for the small desk lamp on Jellal's nightstand. Carefully, Meredy pushed open the ajar door, peeking in.
Close to the source of warm yellowish light, Erza sat against the headboard, reading. At least one of their many blankets was draped over her, another over her shoulders as the one for her legs did not reach higher than her waist, and another over her beloved, who was resting his head and torso on her lap, arms winding around her thighs as he hugged his face to them. To Meredy's surprise, he seemed asleep.
Erza smiled in greeting, and Meredy returned it just as softly.
"I brought your tickets," the Maguilty Sense Mage waved an envelope. She entered then, closing the door to keep the warmth inside since the heating was only in the bed- and bathroom.
"Thank you," Erza said in a low voice. She beckoned her friend over, who sat down on the other side of the bed as Jellal blocked the other. He was almost falling off, though apparently too fast asleep to notice or care.
"Have you thought of what I should tell them if they ask why you left without warning?" Meredy asked, just as quiet. She placed the envelope down on the nightstand, alongside three empty ones. They would need to bring money with them, not knowing how advanced Caelum was in its communication with foreign banks.
"Maybe that we didn't tell you either. They'll know what the rush was for the moment we return anyway, so there's really no reason to start lying now," Erza decided. Meredy noticed then – finally tearing her gaze away from the stressed-out frown of Jellal – what book it was that Erza was reading. She smiled a little.
"Shouldn't he be reading that, too?" She asked, scanning the 'Story of a Future Mother' again. She had known for almost as long as them, seen the change she now easily caught sight of in the form of the mound on Erza's stomach beneath her pyjama shirt, but skimming that title and regarding that cover image – the silhouette of a nine months pregnant belly… it made reality so much graspable; so much closer than the mere word 'baby' had been.
Erza chuckled.
"He already has," she said, "he read them all back-to-back in a single day," she let go of the book rather than ceasing to stroke her beloved's hair, pointing at the numerous stacks against the wall. Meredy blinked disbelievingly, then at her exhausted guildmate.
"The library didn't extend?"
"They did, but only by a few days," Erza illuminated. "And we'd be gone before expiration," she added. Her gaze calmly followed that of Meredy. "I think he feels better now; I hope he does," she sighed, caressing his scalp. His brows twitched, on their way to relaxing though not arriving at the destination.
"Me too," Meredy let her shoulders drop. She could hardly imagine what it must have felt like for Erza, seeing as she herself had been agitated all day after finding out about his feelings thanks to Lucy and Wendy's onrush. She focused on not showing the heaviness of her own heart, not meaning to disrupt the momentary peace the couple had found. At least the Queen of the Fairies. "I'll return them to the library for you," she offered, receiving a grateful smile. "Everything packed up?"
"Mhm," Erza hummed.
"Call anytime you need something," Meredy reminded, "oh, and I'll be here to watch the house,"
"You can live in your apartment," Erza said, being met with a negatively shaking head. "There's hardly anything worth of stealing here and the food's all gone," she enumerated. The only things left in the fridge were parts of their provisions; the snacks she could not live without anymore.
"It's fine – I'll look forward to a proper inauguration sleepover with you and the girls," Meredy soothed. Her gaze wandered back down to Jellal when he pressed a sigh in his sleep. Both watched him for a while; the way his arms tightened, either in possessiveness or reassurance to himself. Meredy had long noticed how he was not lying on his wife's stomach, though she deemed that a good decision. She fancied the weight not to be doing the baby too well, but she hardly knew a thing on the topic herself. Perhaps she would browse the one or other book, too.
"Be safe, okay?" Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. Erza smiled knowingly.
"We will," she promised. "I'll take good care of him," she stroked down his back with both hands.
They sat in silence for another few minutes. Meredy turned the lights off then, and when she awoke the next morning, the house was already empty.
The waves rocked the boat on the second night of travelling to Caelum – the last night. Half a day more and both of them would arrive on an island they had never set foot on before. The language was fortunately their own, if word alternations were to be expected, but it was said that magic in the form of Ethernano existed plenty, while those who could wield it were scarce.
Erza's mind had no room for such pondering. She had gone and done it again, without intention but not without the inadvertent side effect of crushing her husband's newly found fraction of confidence.
She had asked him about the books. She herself had not been as quick with reading, hardly having finished two, and he had seemed glad to share his findings, almost like a waterfall as he had – so she could bet – flawlessly recited his knowledge almost word by word. Only then, her own zeal had picked up and she had started to ramble, pronouncing her own insecurities of whether there might the slim chance of having twins such as Levy had found out about herself.
He cried that night. Not for a second did his eyes stay completely dry, and she could not help but note just how lost he looked. Utterly overchallenged. As if there was not an ounce of anything left that was not the mere struggle for survival – a war of life and death he was fighting with himself.
She pretended not to listen. She did not know whether it was for him not to feel ashamed or for herself not to say words she did not believe in. Also, with the aim of not being kept awake, she turned over, facing away from him, at some point feigning sleep for a moment of bogus peace. It made guilt gnaw on her when she knew that letting go of him was the only way his stifled sobs would not keep her from falling asleep.
In the end, she did not manage to sleep at all. She cursed at herself and at the world itself. She had wanted the child; she had wanted it so badly, but at the same time, she had wanted it to be his child and him to be her husband. To share their experience and love. To watch their very own as it grew with their traits passed down.
She had not wanted this.
Not having noticed until then to be crying, Erza almost choked under her breath. Unable not to cough, she hiccupped, clasping a hand over her with tears sticky face. She winced when an arm wound around her – her shoulder, not her stomach. His forehead dropped to her name, breathing rasped and jerked just as fitfully as hers. She did not have to feel his tears to know him still to be crying, his chest contorting against her back.
It was an apology, and – even though she was sure it was meant for her – told herself that it was meant for the baby.
She found herself not knowing whom to pity more: him, herself or their innocent, unborn child.
Hours later, it was still not dawn. Not for the first time that night did Erza fear it would never arrive. The waves swashed the boat across the sea, the sky pitch black with a thick layer of clouds covering the stars.
Previous thoughts resurfaced where they had hardly submerged. With a shuddering inhale, she stilled her racing heart. And she willed herself to still the raging storm inside her mind, too.
"Don't worry," Erza heard herself whisper, assuming Jellal to have finally succumbed to his exhaustion. "I'll take care of you," she breathed, mellowly stroking over her rounded belly. "I'll be there for you no matter what," she swore into the dead of the night.
A hefty sob pounded against her back. Lightly gasping, Erza felt Jellal retreat. She had not meant for him to hear!
With a frown of concern – guilt most of all; his endless cycle somehow transferring to her – she turned onto her other side. He had fallen onto his back. He was quaking with another suppressed sob, the heels of his hands pressing into his eyes.
"Oh god…" he whimpered under his shaking breath, tears gushing from his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Erza croaked. She felt terrible, but she knew he was off worse, perhaps worse than ever, his self-blame eating him up alive. "You mustn't feel guilty," it came out less feeble than she had anticipated. Maybe because she truly meant it.
His own voice was by far more strangled.
"How?" Came his desperate cawing, scraping up his throat with effort. He convulsed in a suppressed sob, biting down hard on his lip to keep them from erupting. "I'm making you miserable – both of you," he squawked.
"Then stop." She set her jaw, refusing to let go of the tears that stood in her eyes. He sobbed heftily, helplessly. "Jellal, there's no reason to feel guilty," she declared, finding her voice back, "none at all. Creating life is not something to feel guilty about. Not taking care of it is," she clarified. It earned her another, less strangled sob. His hand rose, of only by a little, and her eyes sparked with resolve as he peeked at her from beneath the barrier he forced onto himself. "You did nothing wrong," she emphasised, softer now.
"I did everything wrong," Jellal managed before the next sniffle came. "I'm a horrible person,"
"You're not," Erza firmly said. Whether he truly still believed to be as hated as he was by himself or whether it was only the need to hear someone thundering against that, she could not care less. She would tell him as often as he wanted to. "No one but you thinks that way,"
"I killed your best friend!" Jellal yelped.
"That wasn't you,"
"How do you know?!" He croaked, nearly choking on it. His hands found his hair, eyes squinted shut as he violently tore on the blue tresses. She grabbed his hands then, already lying halfway on top of him, her side pressing to his and her elbow ramming into the mattress where she stared at his eyes until they opened, her own ablaze.
"Jellal, look at me," she commanded. She put his hands on her arms, knowing he would otherwise not dare to hold her now. She waited. When his eyes ruefully peeled open, she let her own soften. She cupped his face in her palms. His own hands stayed frozen where she had left them. "No one believes that you are a horrible person. No one accuses you of your past. Ultear already confessed to have been the reason for your actions long ago – nobody, especially not someone as clever as Ultear, would ever admit to being a murderer if it was not the truth.
"She did not say all that to relieve your mind, but her own. Because it's the truth. She paid the price for her deeds and she lived with the consequences. Don't pay for something you are not responsible for," she took a breath, waiting for him to let her words sink in.
Silence passed between them, his gulp the only thing to interrupt. Finally, she spoke again.
"All you're responsible for is me," Erza smiled gently through her voice. "Me, my big appetite, and a certain someone's smaller appetite," she said. Her heart leaped when he could not help a small smile of his own. The frown was still present, but the quivering of his lips originated in a different set of tears now. "And yourself," she added. "You're also responsible for your own health and wellbeing, so you can take care of mine. But I'll help you," she leaned down, kissing his cheek, "in every way I can," then kissed his other cheek.
His hands reacted, grip tightening on her arms. Rubbing them once, he dared sliding them around her, hugging her upper back, and she let herself sink into him. He held on while digesting what she had said, sleep eventually finding her as she nestled into the crook of his neck.