The first few weeks were hard. She couldn't stop staring at the seat Terrence Higgs usually occupied, or the bench that Susan Bones worked at, or the tables that James and Jeremy Phelwen had managed to vanish all of the legs from, causing such a commotion last spring.
Students, around a dozen of them, all absent from Hogwarts because they were related to someone who had been targeted by Death Eaters.
Higgs was the worst, though. She didn't know how Severus could stand it. Higgs was a Slytherin, and Severus had had to explain to the other Slytherins why he wasn't there. She wondered if some of them knew what had really happened. Did Malfoy and his friends know that Severus had been the one to kill Higgs' sister? She prayed that they didn't.
Severus was back to spending every Saturday morning in the Slytherin common room playing chess and listening to conversations, gauging the atmosphere and trying to gain the younger students' trust.
Serena was pushing her inter-house interactions, making Slytherins work in pairs with Gryffindors. This, however, only worked up to a point, and she had to choose the partners carefully. She had learnt that lesson quickly, when sixth year Gregory Goyle had been paired up with Neville Longbottom. Needless to say that Neville had spent the night in the hospital wing with a pineapple for a nose. She corrected the nose in a heartbeat of course, but it turned out the misfortunate lad was allergic to pineapple and had a rather nasty reaction.
Thankfully, Minerva had been kind with their timetables, and Serena and Severus had several hours in common when they weren't teaching, including Friday afternoon. He had been summoned by the Dark Lord only once in that first month, and hadn't come back injured, which she was grateful for. It was more his meetings with Albus and the Order that put him on edge, and his dark mood was forever lingering beneath the surface. She was extremely grateful, however, that he would still open up to her, and they spent most evenings together, just happy to be in each other's company. He had even been running three more times with her although he was insisting that he doubled around the forest to make sure he wasn't seen by anyone, and always appeared dressed in his usual robes.
Something she found difficult to watch, however, was how he was slowly but surely pushing away any sort of connection he had previously shared with his colleagues.
Three times Minerva had asked him to share a bottle of Scottish whiskey she had acquired during the summer holidays, and three times he had invented some excuse until she simply stopped asking. Poppy had invited him to a game of gobstones, but he refused rather rudely, and he didn't even accept the copy of the Daily Prophet Pomona handed him in the staff room.
In public he was snappier, ruder, more miserable and decidedly nastier. In private he was clingy, loving, sarcastic and extremely demanding in bed, which Serena certainly wasn't complaining about. The night before he had made her climax twice in the space of five minutes.
What really worried her was that he was rarely happy anymore, and wouldn't hear of any talk about the future. Oh, yes, he seemed content enough when they were together, and she could feel the hum of love and gratefulness radiating off him whenever she touched him, but no matter what she said or did, she couldn't erase that foundation of sadness, anger and fear that overshadowed everything they did.
She had finally bought two properties from the muggle housing market, just as they had discussed. She had chosen a small one-bedroom flat on the outskirts of London, and a modest bungalow in the Welsh countryside. Between the money she had inherited from her parents and the large sum Kingsley had left her, she was able to buy both with only a minor confundus charm on the unsuspecting real esate agent. The bungalow was on an old-people's estate with nosy neighbours and tens of cats, but it had a small garden and was within walking distance of a river which made her feel at home.
Severus hadn't wanted to hear any of it when she had wanted his opinion. He had shut her down in mere seconds, snapping at her and ordering her to remember why they were doing any of this in the first place.
She had almost cried.
She had stayed several days at Grimmauld Place as she usually did once a month, looking after Lavinia with Samuel's help, whilst Remus underwent his monthly transformation, and she had been glad of the time to breathe away from the castle. Remus was doing well, considering how fresh Sirius' loss still was to them all, but she knew he had days where he really struggled and she tried to be there as much as she could for him.
"These are for you," she said, smiling as she handed the large bag of clothes over to Remus one Wednesday evening at the end of October. She moved around the table to greet Lavinia who was growing at an alarming rate.
"Oh hell gorgeous girl, gosh you are getting heavy!" she exclamimed as she lifted Vinnie into her arms, spinning her in the air before settling her on her knee at the kitchen table. She summoned one of her baby books to keep her busy as she watched Remus open the contents of the bag.
"But Serena, this is too much!" he said, pulling out the small baby clothes Serena had bought.
"Don't be silly, I'm allowed to spoil my goddaughter thank you very much!" she said briskly, "anyway, I was shopping with Samuel for Max and when I saw the girls' clothes I just couldn't resist."
"But, this must have cost you a fortune-"
"Just say thank you and stop arguing," she said firmly as Remus rifled through all the different outfits she had bought.
The truth be told, she knew that Remus had been struggling financially since Sirius' death. Sirius had been receiving a good salary from the Ministry, and with that gone, and Remus having very little chance of getting a job, she knew that he had been living off their savings and spending as little as possible.
As any baby, Lavinia was growing so fast and Serena hadn't hesitated to give Remus a helping hand.
"Well, thank you, they're all so beautiful."
"I know," she smiled widely as Vinnie clapped her hands and said da-da-da. "I can't wait to see her in the yellow dress…. Anyway, I actually have a favour to ask you…"
"Go on," said Remus, with a hint of suspicion in his voice.
"Well…" she began, trying to sound as casual as possible. "I've actually bought myself a flat in London, it- it was Severus' idea actually, he thought it was senseible, I mean, he's got his house, but it is only in his name, so this place would be mine."
Remus frowned. "Is everything okay between you two?"
"Of course, more than okay really, everything's great at the moment."
"Then why haven't you bought a place together? A house or-"
"It's too risky, you know that."
"Then what's the point in you having a flat you will never use?"
Serena hesitated and then sighed. The best way to tell a lie is to keep it as close to the truth as possible, she reminded herself sagely.
"The war is getting more and more dangerous for Severus… He, he wanted me to have my own place in case anything happens to him."
"But you have here if ever the worst happened, you'd have your home here, always."
She smiled at him gratefully. "I know that," she said, trying not to wonder darkly if it would always be true. "But this is more for financial reasons, you know. If something happened, it would be better for me to have my money tied up in muggle property than sitting at Gringott's where it's really difficult and dangerous to get to. You know I haven't been back to Diagon Alley since what happened."
Remus was silent for a moment and then he nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, it does make sense, I have to agree with Severus' logic. So what do you want me to do?"
"I would actually like you to be my secret keeper."
Remus raised his eyebrows, stunned. "Are you sure?"
She smiled genuinely and hugged Lavinia a little tighter to her chest. "Of course I'm sure, silly. I'd trust you with anything."
Remus blushed slightly, but seemed flattered all the same.
"How about on Saturday morning before the party?"
"Perfect."
On Saturday, Remus was throwing a first birthday party for little Lavinia.
Remus had been hesitant at first, unsure if he would be able to keep himself together with Sirius' absence looming over them on such a special occasion, but Serena had promised to help with the cake and sandwiches, and really, it was just an excuse for the adults to get together and have a drink.
Serena had been keeping a wary distance with some of the others since she had overheard that conversation about her and Severus over the summer. She gave Molly a wide bearth and totally ignored Mundungus now. They would all hate her soon, anyway, so why waste any energy trying to convince them they were wrong.
It was awful, losing her friends like that, and even worse in the current climate when they were all supposed to be supporting each other and working as a team. Sometimes, she managed to shut off her brain for a while and pretend that she was just a teacher, showing students how to vanish and levitate and clean and summon. She even tried to imagine how it had been three years previously, her first teaching experience and no war, few friends and no complicated ties. A simple life.
That never lasted long, though.
"I can't fucking believe it!" Severus stormed into his quarters, throwing down his leather satchel onto the sofa where she was sitting marking work and stalking to the bottle of whiskey he kept on the mantlepiece. "He is becoming more and more like his father every day, he is stubborn, he is narrow-minded, and he is conveniently naïve!"
Serena glanced at her watch. It was seven thirty in the evening. "Bit early to be ranting about Potter, isn't it?" she said lightly, absentmindedly sucking her sugar quill in her mouth. "And he has been like this for the last six years, I don't get why you've got your wand in such a knot. What's he done now?"
"I'm not talking about fucking Potter," he sneered as though it was obvious. "I'm talking about Draco."
"Draco?" she repeated, stunned.
"The little shit is doing everything to avoid me. Even in lessons, he's making up excuses about the hospital wing or staying glued to those shits he calls friends."
Serena grimaced and sat up straight, putting her marking to one side. "What have you managed to say to him?"
Severus sipped his whiskey and scowled. "I have told him that his mother asked me to help him. He has rejected the idea completely, I am trying to give him guidance, trying to get information, but he insists he can do it alone. He is going to get caught… All it will take is for fucking Minerva to get a whiff of a rumour and one look at his forearm… the Dark Lord will kill him if he is discovered…"
Serena bit her lip and thought hard. "Can you feel the pull of the unbreakable vow?" she asked. She had never taken one herself, but she had researched them as soon as she knew Severus had taken one.
"Itch," he muttered, before taking another large gulp. "It itches."
She grimaced again. "Perhaps, perhaps you should take a step back… no teenage boy ever wanted his mum to help him with anything… if he thinks that you're more on his side than hers… that you trust him… perhaps he will be more ready to confide in you."
"And let's hope no one gets killed in the meantime? Albus made his plan clear. I must be the one to kill him."
"Do you really believe Draco capable of murder?" she asked softly.
He didn't reply, and the question was left hanging over the two of them.
…
"Happy Birthday too youuu!" everyone joined in the singing as Vinnie sat in Remus' lap, laughing hysterically at all the commotion and Serena slowly lowered the cake to the table in front of them.
She picked up her camera and grinned as Remus taught Lavinia how to blow the candles. She took several pictures as Vinnie managed (with a bit of help from Remus) to extinguish the candle, and then promptly burst into tears.
Molly laughed and the candle re-alighted in an instant. Lavinia stopped crying immediately and her face stretched into another delighted smile. She blew the candle out by herself this time, and then looked expectantly at Molly.
"Well this could go on for a while," Remus chuckled, plucking out the candle and holding it to be relit as Serena cut the cake up and handed a piece out to everyone. Samuel, Max, Molly, Arthur, Tonks and Minerva were all present, and Serena found herself with Minerva, helping themselves to a glass of wine.
"What's going on with Severus?" Minerva asked her quietly, clearly taking the opportunity of not being in the castle to ask Serena.
She raised her eyebrows. "How do you mean?"
"Come now, you know exactly what I mean. He doesn't even wind me up about Quidditch anymore… Poppy said he was downright frightful with her last week, and he has never refused my Rozelieures Scotch Whiskey before now. He knows how rare it is."
Serena grimaced. "I think he's just under a lot of pressure… Albus keeps it all hidden from the Order, but Severus is really struggling… you can't imagine the states he comes home in sometimes."
Minerva looked worried but not satisfied. "I have known Severus since he was a boy... he has always been a troubled lad, stressed or under strain, and it came out in a rather sharp and unpleasant attitude most of the time… but he has never actually turned his back on me before… he has always had his sarcastic sense of humour, and has always been ready with a sly retort at match time."
"I know," Serena said quietly. "I… I don't know what to say… He's coming to pick me up in a bit, why don't you try and talk to him?"
Minerva went to reply but Samuel and Max came to join them.
"That cake was so good Aunty Reena!"
"Why thank you, honey," she smiled, accepting his hug. "Your daddy tells me you were top of the class last week?"
Max grinned proudly at her. "I was, and I got a special badge! It's in my room, can I show you later?"
"I would love to see it," she smiled at him.
Remus helped Lavinia open her presents, and did surprisingly well not to cry, even when Max's present to Vinnie was a stuffed black shaggy dog toy. Serena helped him clear up afterwards, and it was almost half past six when Severus arrived.
He had a thick, black travelling robe on, and Serena knew he was wearing muggle clothes underneath as they were going out for a meal. She had pushed him a little, and in the end he had accepted. It had been a long time since they had eaten out and done anything just for the fun of it.
"Severus," Remus greeted, shaking his hand. "There's cake left if you fancy some?"
"No," Severus said, look awkward. "Are you ready?" he looked pointedly at Serena who nodded. "Yepp, let me just change my shoes. She summoned her high heeled boots and sat down to take off her trainers.
Severus put his hands in his pocket and thrust something at Remus. "For the baby," he said gruffly.
Remus looked surprised, but took the small package, unwrapping the black bow and pulling out a small jar from within.
"Oh, but it's teething gel," Remus smiled. "This is wonderful, she's been keeping me awake all week, how did you know?"
Severus merely grunted and turned impatiently to Serena, but no one missed how his eyes hovered over the now sleeping Lavinia, and how the corner of his mouth slackened into a tiny smile.
"Well thank you, Severus, it's very kind," Remus said, winking at Serena.
"Ah!" came the crisp, Scottish voice from the staircase. "Severus, I was hoping to catch you." Minerva glided elegantly into the room, but Severus, whom Serena suspected had read her thoughts immediately, sidestepped out of the way and grabbed hold of Serena's elbow, steering her to her feet.
"Apologies, Minerva, we are late," he said swiftly.
"But-"
"Another time," he said with no room to argue.
There was a moment of silence and then Remus said calmly, "Have a lovely night."
"Thanks, see you tomorrow for lunch right?" Serena turned towards him, wriggling out of Severus' grip to smooth down her dark blue dress and touch up her lipstick.
"Of course."
She kissed Remus on the cheek, threw an apologetic look to Minerva, blew a kiss to the sleeping baby and then slipped her hand in to Severus'. "Let's go."
A night in muggle London did them wonders. Severus was even more paranoid than ever concerning the security, but in current times she really couldn't blame him, and she had to admit that it did reassure her. When he insisted on tasting her drink before she did, though, she did have to compare him to Moody.
"Really, poison in a muggle restaurant? How boring, surely those cronies are more creative than that," she said lightly, although she knew it was no joke for Severus.
They purposefully kept the conversation off the war for the rest of the evening, talking only of the party, of Severus' brewing and of Serena's new spell-creating project. She wanted some way to make charms last longer. She had been thinking about it ever since she had given Remus the baby clothes. If there was some way of casting permanent engorgio charms on certain clothes like baby-grows for example, then parents could save tens of galleons.
Severus shared with her some of the lessons he had been trying as the new Defence teacher, and she was happy to see that he was content with his new subject.
The food was delicious, the wine was well-chosen, and the company was flirtatious. Severus' foot nudged against hers under the table and he drew her hand into his palm as they waited for dessert.
His thumb caressed her fingertips suggestively and his voice deepened. "Perhaps we should get dessert to go…"
She supressed a smile. "Oh? And why on earth would we do that?"
"Because then I could use your body as a plate." His stare burned into her like molten and she felt butterflies in her stomach.
"And how would you do that?"
"I'd start by taking the chocolate mousse and rubbing it delicately over your nipples," he murmured in a voice so low she had to strain her ears to hear him, hanging off every word, her mouth slightly open and her pupils dilated. "Then, I'd take raspberry sauce and I'd pour it into your bellybutton, and tease it out with the tip of my tongue."
Serena's mouth grew dry. "And then what would you do?"
"Oh so much more," he breathed, his eyes dropping down to her lips. "I'd-"
"Chocolate and raspberry with two spoons," the waitress interrupted loudly, lowering the plate onto the centre of the table. Severus let go of Serena's hand and sat back, smirking.
"Thank you," he said in a deep voice, his eyes not leaving Serena's.
She let out a long breathe as the waitress left them. "You are… infuriating…"
He smirked again. "You've been teasing me all evening, wife, don't think I haven't noticed. Your décolleté wasn't that low when we left Headquarters."
She blushed furiously. Okay, she had adjusted her dress a little on her last bathroom trip, but he had been the one doing all the caressing under the table!
"Maybe we should shovel this dessert down and get out of here," she smiled.
"Oh no," he almost purred. "I am going to enjoy watching you eat this. Here, open up." He scooped up a spoonful of chocolate mousse and held it up for her.
She looked straight into his eyes daringly as she leaned forward and closed her lips around the spoon, sucking it teasingly and licking her lips appreciatively. "Mm, that is delicious."
"See," he murmured softly. "You can't even eat without turning me on."
She giggled. "Well let's hope it stays that way."
They left fifteen minutes later hand in hand and shivering with excitement. Within minutes they were both naked and rolling onto the bed at Spinner's End.
Severus' lips met hers with unrestrained passion, his hands clutched at her face and shoulders, pulling her down on top of him, letting his bare legs wrap around her hips, cradling her as she kissed him back just as urgently, one hand enlaced in his hair and the other scraping nails down his chest and over his stomach. The feel of his hard erection pressed against her belly made her pussy clench, and she was sure that she was dripping all over him.
"Oh gods woman," Severus breathed between kisses, his hands roaming her back now and clenching her buttocks tightly, before sliding back up to pull her hair gently.
She reached down and rolled his hot balls in her palm, leaning down with her head and taking his nipple into her mouth, swiping her tongue over the small peak and then turning her attentions to the other.
She kissed his chest now, his fine black hair tickling her lips as she nipped and sucked her way to his neck.
Slap.
She jumped as Severus' hand made contact with her arse cheek and she felt the burning sting that caused so much arousal to alight within her.
Yes, her brain screamed at her as his voice growled in her ear. "Ride me."
She whimpered in her haste to grab his thick cock and position it at her entrance. One of his hands came up and steadied her head, forcing her to look at him. He opened his mind to her and they connected wondrously as she slowly lowered herself down onto his girth, moaning as he filled and stretched her completely.
"Mphhhh," she moaned as she was fully seated, taking a moment to adjust, rocking gently back and forward as he pulsed within her. Severus' warm hands caressed her sides, up and down gently, causing goosebumps to erupt everywhere he touched.
When she was ready, she leant down and kissed his lips sweetly, before starting to move. It was slow at first, his two hands sat on her hips and guided her, setting an agonisingly slow rhythm as he filled her over and over again and his black eyes burned into hers more intensely than ever.
Severus' mouth was slack, his eyebrows were raised slightly in awe, and he was the most handsome man she had ever seen.
The kissed languidly as she rocked up and down, her eyes fluttering shut as their tongues intertwined and they tasted chocolate mousse.
Severus' hands moved down to her arse, rubbing and squeezing the place he had slapped before, and just the thought of it made Serena's pussy tighten around him. When she lifted up now, his hands pulled her sharply down, filling her swiftly, increasing the rhythm, building that pressure inside her. She was sweating, she could feel it in the small of her back, and her breathing was irregular now, he was pushing her further and further out of control.
Severus, too, seemed to be losing his restraint, his back arched slightly, pushing himself even further into her, his hands tightened on her bum and his kisses became needier and needier, until he grasped her hands and rolled them over in a swift movement, dominating her immediately, lifting her legs up and crossing them over his shoulder, and she shrieked at this wonderful new angle as he pounded into her, hitting even deeper now, lifting her bum up from the bed, squeezing her ankles and playing with her clit. It was all she could do to lie back on the bed and grip tightly at the covers. She could barely think, she couldn't feel anything except the intense pleasure pounding through her body with every thrust of his thick cock.
She was close, she knew it, and she could feel his building orgasm too. She opened her eyes and looked at him and the sight alone nearly tipped her over the edge. His dark eyes were fixed on her and full of such expression that it melted her heart. He was in ecstasy, his face was scrunched up as though in pain, but his eyes were shining and she was so happy to see him like that.
"Fuck," he hissed, shaking his head at her, "fuck you are so fucking beautiful," he growled, pumelling her harder still, lifting her legs higher so that his cock touched that sweet spot within her.
"You're going to cum for me, witch," he breathed almost angrily, "I'm going to give you what you want."
Slap, slap, slap
"YES!" Serena barely registered that it was her that screamed as her walls contracted and tensed uncontrollably as wave after wave of her orgasm rolled over her. She heard a whispered spell, felt a trickle of magic down the back of her neck and Severus came with a roar inside her.
When he collapsed on top of her she could still feel her pussy fluttering around his softening cock. She hadn't had an orgasm that intense in a while, but then again, they had more or less started foreplay hours ago.
She threaded a hand through his hair and held his head to her shoulder, trying to gain her breath back. "That was indecent," she breathed into his ear.
He gave a tired sort of chuckle and kissed her neck before rolling off and out of her. He cleaned them up subtly and pulled the covers over them before wrapping himself around her body.
"I still don't understand how you can do it," he murmured quietly, his fingers trailing lazily up and down her arm.
"Do what?"
"Feel my emotions like that… or anyone else's for that matter… If I feel what you're feeling, in that moment, it's too much… it's too intense…"
She remembered fleetingly the first time he had tried the spell during sex after their wedding and smiled against his chest.
"I've been able to feel things since I was little. I've had a lot of practise…"
"Even so," he said softly. "It's… breath-taking…"
"Yeah," she sighed, "I suppose it is… I think that there's no feeling more powerful to me than when you're happy… It… it makes me feel so proud and fulfilled too…"
It hadn't been her intention, but she felt a trickle of sadness flow through her veins and she hugged him tighter to her.
"No, I don't mean to put pressure on you… I just mean that… I don't understand how you could ever have positive feelings considering what you're going through and the evitability of your future, and yet, sometimes… your happiness overcomes the dark a little… and it makes me thankful. You're amazing."
He grunted, but she could feel his emotions settle back down. "And it sounds as though you have had too much wine."
She smiled against his chest. "I love you."
He grunted again, but as her eyes were closing and sleep overcame her, she heard his murmured reply in the darkness. "I love you too, little one."