Amy walked back to the kitchen after she had had her moment with Georgie in her old bedroom. She felt embarrassed, but at the same time somehow stronger having her niece by her side and understanding a little bit better what she had - and was still - going through. Maybe none of the dark clouds hanging over her head had disappeared, but it was good to know she wasn't walking in the rain alone.
Now that her initial panic reaction was out of the way, and Georgie had shown so much compassion to her, Amy was starting to realize that maybe some other assumptions she had given root for at the time - after the European tour - were no longer relevant either. In fact, back then she had been careful not to mention her trip to Europe, fearing the family would bring up the fact that she had acted like a stranger after her return or that going Europe had been a mistake on her part, seeing she had almost destroyed her relationship and ruined her business in the process, but now they were all encouraging her to go back.
It seemed like over time, they had come to change their minds about her and maybe in return, it was her time to change her mind about them.
"Oh, good, you're back", Lisa said, sighing, as she noticed Amy walking back from around the corner. Whatever feelings she had had about Amy turning down their gift was not as important as knowing she was okay. "How are you, honey...?"
"I'm better, thanks", Amy confessed and even though she took notice who was in the room with her, she had hard time keeping an eye contact with anyone out of embarrassment.
"That's good to hear", Jack said as relief washed over him. Even though their gesture with Lisa had come from the place of love and caring, he worried they had miscalculated the situation somehow.
He then glanced at Georgie, thanking her mentally for whatever she had done to make Amy feel better and for fixing the situation probably better than he could have had.
Georgie nodded back at him, feeling accomplished and approved. Even though she had been a little bit unsure of herself before going after Amy, it had thankfully all worked out.
"Listen, if you don't want to go to France, that's fine. It's totally up to you", Lisa wanted to say. "Your grandfather and I just figured that it almost sounded like maybe you wanted - I don't know - a do-over. But we don't want to pressure you. The gift is supposed to be about you, not us."
Jack nodded along to Lisa's words while Lou and Jade were keeping themselves busy by arranging the table in the living room in case everyone still wanted to have some cake, but it was very obvious they were still listening to the conversation.
"I appreciate it", Amy wanted to say. "And I'm sorry for the way I acted. I feel stupid now. But... I guess it just caught me off guard; not just the gift itself but also that I could even react like that to something like it. I mean, it seems... strange, almost. What you did was such a nice thing", she stressed.
"Why did you react like that then?" Tim, who was taking off his boots in the mudroom, asked what everyone else was probably thinking, but too scared to ask.
Amy inhaled slowly and looked at everyone, wondering what she would say. Suddenly it felt like she was turning into stone again, but when she felt a hand press against her back and looked on her right, she saw the encouraging look on Georgie's face and felt a bit better. It wasn't just that she was scared of revisiting those memories, but also the fact that she was afraid of her family's judgement. She didn't want to go through that again.
What if nothing had changed? What if they still blamed her?
Letting the breath out after a while, Amy decided it was time to take control of her own narrative. She had been living a life controlled by someone or something else too long already.
"It's because of Ahmed", Amy admitted. "And what happened... Not just to me, but... to us, as a family. I think that dinner with him changed us all. It was a turning point we never made back from - in my opinion."
It almost sounded like everyone let out a collective "oh..." and nodded, as they readjusted the way they thought about what had just happened.
"I don't want to think back to that time, but sometimes something triggers something in me that takes me back and it's like... my body takes over and my mind shuts down", Amy tried to explain. "I think that time was one of the lowest points of my life even though maybe it didn't look like that from the outside. I thought I had left it all behind me already. But now, just thinking about going to France, facing it again... I don't think I'm ready."
"But, Amy... that's all the more reason to go, don't you think?" Lou said as she walked back to the kitchen to face her sister.
"I know - and I agree", Amy surprised her sister with her answer. "I was just thinking this kind of feels like after I got kicked in the head and lost my sight. I mean, there was nothing I could do to change it at that point; all I could do in that situation was to accept it and then adjust to it. I got my sight back eventually, but the blindness almost wasn't even the hardest part, strangely enough. Thinking about getting on a horse when I could see again... it made me sick. It was strange because it wasn't like I hadn't ridden almost all my life; I would have known how to get on a horse, even if I had been blind. But it was not about that. - I knew I couldn't go on with my life if I would not do something about it at some point. I just didn't know when that point would be and how exactly could I change the way I was feeling. Horses are my life and they will always be - there's no changing that. Then, when I finally got back in the saddle, I felt so powerful. I felt in control. I had to realize what I could lose if I wouldn't be brave enough to face my fear."
Georgie smiled, recalling what they had just talked in the bedroom.
"I remember that", Jack said, having a faint smile on his face as well. "Seeing you lead that herd of horses through the gates; I couldn't have been prouder. That's a sight I'll never forget."
Amy smiled, feeling that power rush back to her now too.
"I still remember the rush of adrenaline in that moment, after I had faced my fears and just done something I thought I could no longer do. - So... all that being said... if it's still okay, I would like to accept those plane tickets", she added carefully. "Because I don't want to give power to the fear ever again."
Lisa's eyebrows wiggled up. "Of course!" she said with delight. "They are yours. Yours and Jade's. We have the other envelope here somewhere..." she went to get it from the writing table behind her.
"Wait, what?" Jade asked, stopping in her tracks and wondering if Lisa was being serious. "You know I was just kidding earlier, right?"
"Well, you are helping Amy with Lyndy, right?" Lisa reminded, looking at her.
Jade nodded. "Well... yeah, but-"
"We figured Amy wouldn't go anywhere without Lyndy, but just like any other parent, she should have some time off for herself too every once in a while. Even if that's on a vacation", Jack explained. "So, it makes sense to have you there to help with Lyndy. That's what Amy is paying you for, isn't it?"
"Wait, you're being serious...?" Jade checked when Lisa was holding another envelope.
"Of course. - That is, if it's okay for you", Lisa said. They had not asked about this in advance because they had wanted this to be a surprise for everyone.
"It's more than okay!" Jade gasped, looking around is disbelief. "Right, boss? I'm sure you can have someone to cover my shifts at the diner?" she asked from Tim.
"Well, Georgie's back", Tim pointed out. "I'm sure she can help around." He looked toward his granddaughter.
"Of course", Georgie said, wanting Amy to take this trip. "I think I can squeeze them in."
"But what about your rodeo training, Jade?" Tim wanted to remind her. "The new season's about to get started."
"I'll be fine. The guys are dragging behind me anyway", Jade replied confidently, making Tim chuckle.
He knew she wasn't wrong. "Fair enough..."
"Great! Everything's arranged. - So, how does that sound?" Lisa asked from Amy.
"Perfect. It sounds perfect", Amy replied, smiling and feeling emotional. "Thanks for this. All of this", she came to hug Jack and Lisa.
They embraced her happily.
Later that night Amy was on her laptop in the barn office, moving around few things on her calendar she had had lined up for the next couple of weeks. She didn't have much going on, like Lou had already pointed out earlier, but she still needed to get them out of the way for her to fully enjoy her trip.
In a way she was thankful she didn't currently have any client horses now that Bruni was back with her owner, and everyone had assured her that they would take good care of the other horses, especially Spartan, while she was gone.
It was still strange to think how Grandpa and Lisa had surprised her and that she had actually agreed to go, but the more she thought about it, the more empowered she felt.
This was a right thing to do.
Just as she was about to close the browser, someone knocked on the side door. "Come on in", she said.
As her eyes moved from the monitor, Amy noticed Lou stepping inside.
"Busy?" her sister asked.
"Apparently not anymore", Amy said, closing the lid of the laptop. She couldn't believe she was actually going spend the next couple of weeks in France, taking it easy.
"I'm so glad you're taking that trip, you know. It's not New York, but I try not to take it personally", Lou joked a little, coming in and sitting on Ty's old chair.
"Sorry", Amy said, as she had turned down Lou's suggestion earlier. "But it was a gift, though..."
"One that you almost turned down", Lou pointed out.
"Yeah... Well, who would I be if I had not accepted it. I need this."
"I know, and really, I'm not mad. If anything, I'm proud of you for facing your fears. You wouldn't be doing that in New York, you'd only be bored. - Maybe I don't say this enough, but... you're one of the bravest people I know, Amy."
"What...?" Amy scoffed. "That's weird, coming from Lou "Bosslady" Fleming."
A smile quickly appeared on Lou's face. "Bosslady... I'll take it."
Amy chuckled a bit.
"If I have any bravery, it's because of you. And the girls", Lou continued. "All that Big Sister and Mama Bear energy that I've been able to harness inside me and use whenever needed", she added with a smile. "Speaking of which... I know it's not easy, saying what you said. About Ahmed."
Amy got a little bit more serious, feeling her heart race faster again. Everyone had been surprisingly accepting, collectively, about what she had said in the kitchen, but one of the biggest knots she still had about it all was with Lou. Amy wasn't sure if she had yet untied it.
"I mean, I've been there, and you know it", Lou reminded. "When that sleeze Richard Chenoweth crossed the line, you were there for me. You saw me, you validated how I was feeling. So... I owe you an apology."
Amy furrowed her brows. "For what...?"
"For not being there for you. For questioning you like I did", Lou explained, looking at Amy with remorseful gaze. "I mean, god knows I've been dealing with guys like Ahmed a lot, especially in New York and especially at work. I've reported those guys to HR, heard the stories of other women... And yet it never gets easier to face those situations because they always take you by surprise. So I don't know what came over me back then when you reached out. I guess... I was scared, too."
Amy listened. "Of what?"
"That I'd lose you to him, or something. That maybe you wanted what he had or what he was able to give to you, because-" Lou sighed. "I get it, all that would've been tempting if I had been in your shoes. I knew he wasn't a good guy, but at the same time I know I couldn't stand in your way. I wanted to trust you, but he had gotten under your skin, messed up with your head while you were in Europe. Like some twisted Stockholm Syndrome thing. I know when something like that happens, it's not easy to see it clearly. You think you have it under control, but you don't. You were just a piece in his game without even realizing it."
Amy looked down, still recalling how she had analyzed her behavior more than Ahmed's when it should have been the other way around.
"I know you can be great - I mean, you already are - he saw it too, but it's hard to balance that success when there's a guy like that leeching off of your gift and talent, thinking he has some rights over you because he somehow "discovered" you", Lou spoke. "Maybe the whole questioning thing was me trying to knock some sense into you. I know it probably doesn't make sense and I don't want to justify all that, but... I just wanted to say, I'm sorry."
Amy was almost speechless. She had not expected this either, especially after all these years and especially now that things were still a bit shaky between her and Lou. "Thanks, Lou..."
"I know I should've said that earlier, but I guess I thought you had moved on and I didn't want to drag you back to that anymore", Lou continued. "But... now, all this, has made me realize there's no expiry date for apologizies. Or maybe there are sometimes, but... they should still be said."
"I appreciate it", Amy said, feeling a lump in her throat. "I mean, I can't deny that you were probably one of the only people I thought who would understand me back then. And when you challenged me, instead of just taking my word, it did hurt. A lot."
"I get it. I feel so awful..." Lou sighed. "Maybe that's why this whole Mitch thing is so hard for me, too."
Amy was surprised about Lou bringing up him as well, as it was a bit of a left turn during a conversation like this.
"I mean, I'm not going to lie, imagining you two... it's weird, for obvious reasons", Lou explained, not even wanting her mind to go there right now. "But I guess also because... well, you've been with Ty for so long. And it's like you said, he became family. Every other guy that came along and tried to take you away from him was bad news. I know Mitch is a good guy, but at the same time... he's not Ty. And I know that's not your problem, but I guess I'm just trying to explain what's happening in my head. I haven't even made sense of these thoughts myself, but... I'm trying. For your sake. And I want you to know that. None of this is your fault."
"Well, for what it's worth, I'm trying to see who I am now. On my own", Amy shared.
Lou nodded. "That's good. Just- He didn't... hurt you, did he?"
"Who...?"
"Mitch. I mean, sometimes guys... they just do whatever they want to us."
"What?" Amy shook her head. "No, nothing like that. It was nothing like that. He's... he's a good guy."
"Okay, well, that's a relief, at least", Lou nodded. She had figured that much, but had wanted to make sure, since Amy was in such a vulnerable position and she was The Big Sister after all. "Maybe I should focus on my own relationship from now on. I mean, you got this, it seems. I don't need to protect you anymore. Or stand up for your relationship with Ty, not that I ever needed, but... I guess I have to let that go. Distance myself. I owe it to you."
"Yeah... that relationship is gone", Amy stressed. "We'll be parents for Lyndy, but... we are both on our own journeys now. It's better this way. I mean, it's been that way for a while now; it's only becoming official for everyone, including me."
Lou nodded. "I'm glad you gave me a chance to talk."
"I know it must have not been easy, for you to say what you said, so... I appreciate you doing that all the more for it", Amy said. For Lou, swallowing her pride to admit she had been wrong and treated her badly was a big deal.
Lou leaned toward Amy and reached out her hand over the two desks. "Happy Birthday. I love you."
Amy grabbed her hand, gave it a squeeze and smiled, thinking this was the birth day of her new self. "Thanks. I love you too."