Welcome back to my little corner of the MCU fanfic life! I'm so happy you're still here along for the ride. Yes, Mikayla's legs and eyes are back! Now for the healing, which we know probably won't go smoothly...does anything ever for our fearless couple?
Song credits for the last chapter go to Queen and Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. As you can tell, I listen to a variety of music genres.
Today's my birthday, so consider this my gift to you - please enjoy it and let me know what you think.
Mikayla closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep, but as soon as she did, her eyes flew back open and the beeping from the heart monitor sped up. "Mikayla, Mikayla, I'm here. Focus on me, focus on my breathing." Clint ran his thumb across her knuckles. "Remember, you're in the present. Focus on the here and now. What do you see?"
Mikayla blinked several times before answering. "Walls, machines, you."
"Good. Now, what do you hear?"
"Beeping, footsteps in the hall, your voice."
"Smell anything?"
Mikayla scrunched up her nose to concentrate. "Bleach, antiseptic."
"You know the rules. Need three things."
She inhaled. "Ugh, my body odor."
Clint smiled. "What do you feel?"
"Sheets, pulse ox, your thumb."
"Any tastes?"
"Metallic, dry air…" Her voice trailed off as she tried to think of something else.
"I think I can help with the third," Clint smirked, then leaned in and kissed her. "How's that?"
Mikayla smiled. "I taste you."
Clint stroked the side of her face. "Welcome back. I'm glad Nat reminded me how that exercise helped her. Seems to have worked for you, too."
She nodded. "Addition to the toolbox."
"I'm going to call the nurse, get you something for sleep."
Mikayla yanked her hand back. "Don't want to sleep, don't like what I see."
Clint ran a hand through his hair, wondering what he could do to help her. "I've got it. Remember the medicine Bruce gave us to use at the farmhouse?" She nodded. "It seemed to help. I'll reach out to him and have him contact Dr. Sullivan, okay?"
Mikayla sighed. "Fine, I'll let you win this round." The couple was quiet for several moments. "I would've missed you."
Clint furrowed his brow and looked at her. "Huh?"
"If the eye surgery hadn't worked and I would've been blind. I wouldn't be able to see you anymore. I'd miss the laser focus of your eyes, watching you take in your surroundings, the way they light up when you're happy. I'd miss the way your dimples appear when you smile at me, and let's not forget about the smirks. I wouldn't get to see your forehead crinkle like it is now when you're confused or concentrating on something." She picked up one of his hands. "I wouldn't see the veins in your hands, the way they travel up your arms. I'd even miss seeing the callouses. I know what you've been through to earn them, both the callouses and the scars. I wouldn't see any of that ever again." Mikayla bit her lip to keep from tearing up.
Clint just sat back and listened to her. He assumed she'd be more upset she wouldn't be able to work or would have to adapt to a new way of working. How this woman consistently surprised him was something he would never understand. He took his other hand and enveloped hers with it. "Thankfully, it worked, and I get the pleasure of seeing those deep brown eyes from now on." He picked up her hand, moved his, and kissed the top of her hand. "I'm so damn glad you're back."
Mikayla reached over and stroked his face. "Me, too, Clint. Me, too." She looked down at her legs. "I can't believe I couldn't feel them." She gingerly bent her legs at the knees, wincing a little bit.
"Do they hurt?"
"Not like I thought they would. They're more uncomfortable from lack of movement. Stiffer, I think." Mikayla pushed herself up to sit more upright, then drew her knees to her chest. "I guess if I can't sleep, I should try walking."
"Are you sure?"
Mikayla nodded. "What's the saying? If you fall off the bicycle, get right back on it, or something like that? Well, this is me, getting back on." She looked over at Clint. "OK, here goes." She tentatively and slowly twisted and moved her legs, so they dangled off the edge of the bed. They watched her legs as they swung back and forth. "Just trying to get used to them again." She forced her right one to move faster than did the same thing with her left. "Making sure I still have control over them." As she went to stand up, the monitors started beeping. "Crap. Forgot to tell the staff." They heard footsteps running down the hall.
"Everything okay?" A member of the nursing staff darted into the room.
"She wanted to try to walk," Clint answered.
The nurse nodded. "No problem. Let me unhook this and get a portable heart monitor. The doctor still wants to keep an eye on your heart, make sure there's no hidden damage." The couple nodded and waited until the nurse got back with the device. She hooked up the cords and stuck the monitor into the front pocket of Mikayla's gown. Clint grabbed her robe and put it over her shoulders. "Enjoy your walk and try not to overdo it." She smiled as she left the room.
"You heard the professional, now you'll hear it from the concerned fiancé. Don't push yourself too hard." Clint kissed her temple. He'd just gotten her back, and there was no way in hell he was going to lose her again. "Ready?"
"Ready." With one hand, Mikayla grabbed Clint's arm, and the other hand gripped the IV pole. She took a deep breath, bit her lip, put her feet on the ground, and Clint helped her to stand. As Mikayla's feet touched the floor, she smiled. "I can feel the tile floor. I never thought I'd be happy about such a small detail." She wavered a bit, gripping tightly to Clint. He went to grab her with his other arm, but she shook her head. "I need to do this. Let me stand until I'm sure I can control my legs." The couple stood for several minutes as she bounced on the balls of her feet. When she felt ready, Mikayla slowly began sliding her feet along the tiles. Once she felt comfortable doing that, she picked them up slightly off the ground and started a slow shuffle out into the hall.
"Take your time, Mikayla. You're doing great." Clint beamed with pride as he moved beside her and supported her. They made it to the end of the hall, then slowly turned around and went back toward her room. By the time they reached her room, Clint had noticed Mikayla was breathing heavily. "OK, that's enough for now."
Mikayla shook her head. "No, I want to walk more." As soon as she spoke, she began to waver and leaned into Clint.
"I've got you. We're going back, not taking no for an answer."
"Fine," Mikayla growled.
Clint sighed in exasperation and helped her back to her bed. Once she sat down, she stopped gripping his arm and could swing herself back into bed. Clint punched the call light to alert the nurses that Mikayla was back in bed.
The nurse came in to hook her back up to the heart monitor. "How did your first walk go?"
"Didn't walk far enough," Mikayla answered.
"No, you walked far enough," Clint said.
"Not your legs, not your body, Barton. You don't know what I can handle and what I can't."
"Fine, next time, I'll let you fall."
Mikayla took off her robe and tossed it at him. "Please do." She could feel a tension headache coming on but felt powerless to shut her mouth. "At least then I'm making my own decision."
"Do whatever the hell you want, Fitzgerald." Clint tossed the robe on the ground and stormed out of the room. "You're going to, anyway."
Once Clint was out of view, Mikayla turned over and slammed back into the bed. "Shit!" She screamed in pain. Her medicine had worn off.
The nurse who had just left the room heard her scream and quickly returned. "What's wrong?"
"Forgot about my back. I was so focused on my legs."
"I'll get you something for the pain. We took you off the pain pump, so I'll be right back." The nurse left, returned shortly, and injected some medicine into Mikayla's IV. "You should feel relief soon." She looked around. "Where's your support?"
"Couldn't deal with me being independent, I guess. Heaven forbid I make my own decisions."
The nurse nodded. "Does he have reason to be overprotective?"
Mikayla went over everything she and Clint had been through. "Well, maybe."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not really, but I probably need to."
"I'll be right back." The nurse left, then came back and sat in the chair previously vacated by Clint. "OK, I'm all ears. I'm Jennifer, by the way."
"Mikayla, but you probably already knew that." She smiled.
"Nice to meet you, Mikayla." Jennifer leaned forward. "What's going on?"
Mikayla shared the story of her and Clint. "So, I'm here because his brother kidnapped me and tortured me. He held me captive for about a month, moved me from California to Iowa. He's been after me for a while. The first weekend Clint and I met, one of Barney's cohorts tried to mug us, then a few months later, he blew up my apartment." Mikayla looked over at Jennifer. "Barney was Clint's older brother. They had a falling out years ago."
"Why?"
"Why did they have a falling out?"
"No, why did he come after you?"
"He spent a lot of time railing about Clint and how Clint had abandoned him, so I think it was to punish Clint by taking away someone he loved."
"It sounds like you persevered, though."
Mikayla got quiet. "He sent a couple of goons after me the day after Thanksgiving. They took me off the street, threw me in a car, raped me, eventually dumping me in a field."
Jennifer watched Mikayla as she told her story. She noticed how her face changed when talking about Clint, how her eyes lit up, even though she seemed to be mad at him. "You are a survivor, Mikayla."
"I guess I am. I didn't realize how much I'd been through until I started talking about it. I mean, I've had therapy, but it's usually just been dealing with one incident at a time. This is the first time I've grouped them."
"You're a strong person to have made it through all of that. He must be proud of you."
"He tells me that all the time." Mikayla bit her lip and started tearing up. "And I've driven him away."
"I doubt that, Mikayla. You're under an excessive amount of stress and let it get to you. He's probably worried about you."
"I know, and I know he does it out of love. I've just been by myself for so long, still trying to get used to having this large of a family."
"New situations are tough, and then when you add in everything you've been through, it's safe to assume there will be struggles and adjustments. You just have to figure out how to maneuver through that minefield. It sounds like you've done that for the most part."
"Yeah, I have. I need to remember this is new for him, too."
"Keep in the forefront. You both love each other and want what's best for the other person."
Mikayla smiled. "Thanks, Jennifer." She yawned.
"No problem." Jennifer stood up. "That's my cue to leave. Feel free to catch me any time I'm here. I'm always happy to lend an ear." Jennifer left the room.
"She was nice. I guess I needed to talk to someone outside of my usual contacts. I'll apologize to him if he comes back." Mikayla rolled over and cried herself to sleep, worried she'd chased away the best thing that had ever happened to her.
After Clint stormed out of Mikayla's room, he jumped on his bike and sped away from the hospital with no plan as to where to go. Before he knew it, he ended up at one of his safe houses, an apartment building in Brooklyn he'd purchased years ago. His apartment was on the top floor, much less spacious than the one he'd lived in with Bruce and Steve, but perfect for him. He'd added an elevator for the elderly residents that lived on the higher floors, but he still took the stairs. Once he reached his apartment, he punched in the security code, went inside, tossed his keys and helmet on a table next to the door, and then collapsed on the couch. "What the hell am I supposed to do? Let her walk to the point of exhaustion and possibly cause more damage to her body? Why did I ever fall in love with someone so damn independent? Why, Barton? Because I like a challenge, apparently. I never wanted anyone I could control. I saw what happens in that type of relationship, thanks but no thanks. That was the problem with Bobbi. I had to make all the decisions. Then there was Laura, who turned out to be too clingy and self-centered and a psychopath. Now there's Mikayla. What attracted me to her, aside from being hot? The ability to keep up with me, to not be intimidated by me. I think I knew if I ever found someone who would stand up to me, that would be a woman worth getting to know. And what happened? Damn it if I didn't fall in love with her and ask her to marry me six months after going out on a date with her. Now, look at her. She's turned into the toughest woman I know, maybe even tougher than Nat. God, Mikayla, where did I go wrong? Why do I screw up every relationship? Can you ever forgive me? I just want to protect you. I wish you could see that. I wish I could find another way to do that so I don't smother you." Clint laid on his couch and stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep, wishing he knew what to say to Mikayla.
Later in the evening, Natasha and Steve decided to see Mikayla. When they got to her room, they found her dozing with no sign of Clint. They stood at the door, debating whether to go in, when a voice came from the figure on the bed. "Come on in. I don't bite, just snap." They could feel the bitterness in her voice. "Before you ask, I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him in several hours."
"I'm going to kill him," Natasha muttered under her breath.
"Don't, Nat. It wasn't his fault. I chased him off."
"What happened, Mikayla?" Steve came around the bed and stood next to her.
"My stubbornness drove him away, and he hasn't come back."
"What did you fight about?"
"My walking. I wanted to walk more, but he thought I'd walked enough, and I snapped."
"I'm sure neither one of you meant what you said."
"I meant it at the time, Steve, and now he's gone." Mikayla started sniffing. "I don't know if he'll ever come back, and I'll have to live with that."
Steve looked across the bed at Natasha, who nodded and left the room." He will. He loves you, Mikayla. You're both too stubborn for your own good. He'll come around. You mean too much to him for him not to." He looked down at Mikayla and saw the dark circles under her eyes. "Have you had any sleep?"
"Not much. That's what started the whole thing. Every time I go to sleep, all I see is Barney torturing me. I decided to try walking so I wouldn't have to go to sleep."
Steve nodded. "Bruce thought you might have trouble, so he sent me up here with his magic potion. Cleared by your doctor, of course." He smiled at her.
"Good. Clint was going to talk to him about that since it worked so well at the farmhouse." They called the nurse, who brought the medicine in and injected it into Mikayla's IV.
"Now, get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up. No arguments."
"Yes, sir. Night, Steve."
"Good night, Mikayla." He went over, turned off the lights, then stretched out and watched Mikayla as she went to sleep.
"Barton, what the hell are you doing?" Natasha shouted.
"Trying to shoot an intruder who broke into my apartment," Clint growled. Natasha looked to her right and saw Clint pointing an arrow in her direction, then lowering it when he found out it was her.
"Going to answer my question?" Natasha marched up to him.
"I did."
"Why aren't you at the hospital?"
"I was ordered out."
"Since when do you follow orders?"
"Enough, Romanoff." Clint tossed the bow onto the coffee table, then plopped back down onto the couch. "It's been a day."
"I'll say."
"How is she?"
Natasha sat down at the other end of the couch. "Steve's with her." Clint nodded. "Now, tell me what happened."
"I'm still not sure how it all went off the track so quickly." Clint relayed to her what had occurred. "I screwed up, Tash. I'm not sure I can fix it."
"You can. You love each other, remember? I think as long as you don't cheat on her, she'd forgive you for anything. So, since that didn't happen, I think it's a safe bet she's already forgiven you."
"I hope so because I don't know what I'll do if she hasn't."
"Come on, you big lug. Let's get you to the hospital because I am not in the mood to put up with your broodiness." Natasha drove the two of them back to the hospital. When they got to Mikayla's room, they found her asleep with Steve in the chair next to her.
"Good, she's getting some sleep. Bruce's concoction?"
Steve nodded. "He thought she might need it, so he got approval from Dr. Sullivan. She's been asleep a few hours."
Clint ran his hand across the back of his neck. "I screwed up, Cap."
Steve motioned for the two of them to step out of the room. "Nothing that can't be fixed, Barton. She admitted she messed up, too. I'm sure the two of you can talk it out once she wakes up." He clasped Clint's shoulder. "You two are so perfect for each other, so focus on that when you talk." Clint nodded. "Now, go back and sit with her." The two walked back into Mikayla's room.
As Clint was sitting down, Mikayla shot up in bed and started screaming. "No, stop it, you son of a bitch! Get the hell away from me, Barney!" She started flailing and throwing punches in the air, one of which connected with Clint's nose. Mikayla mimicked taking off her air cast and swinging it as the trio tried to calm her down.
Clint ducked underneath one of her arms and started massaging her temples, speaking softly to her. "Mikayla, it's Clint. Focus on my voice. You're having a nightmare." Once she stopped waving her arms around and began mumbling, Clint held her head to his chest. "Focus on my breathing, Mikayla. You've got this. He won't hurt you ever again." After several minutes, she calmed down and opened her eyes. "Hey," Clint whispered.
"Hey," Mikayla replied and blinked her eyes, then scrunched up her face. "You're bleeding. What happened?"
Clint put his fingers to his nose, looked, and saw blood. "It's okay, doesn't hurt."
"So, what happened?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it."
Mikayla huffed. "Clinton Hawkeye Barton, tell me what happened."
"You had a nightmare and started punching the air. You missed the air and hit my nose." A horrified look crossed her face. "I'm fine. Nat's done worse to me when sparring."
"True. I've toughened him up along the way. At one time, he would've cried like a baby."
"You don't have to reveal all my secrets, Romanoff."
"Enough, you two," Mikayla said. "You're deflecting and can stop it. Clint, sit down and tilt your head. Get some ice to put on it."
"Yes, ma'am." Natasha left and came back with some ice wrapped in a washcloth. Clint took it and obeyed Mikayla. "It feels fine."
"I'm sorry, Clint."
"Don't apologize for something you had no control over."
Nat backed away. "Okay, lovebirds. We're out of here. Call me if you need a ride back." Nat and Steve nodded and waved as they left the room.
Clint looked back at Mikayla. "Before you say anything, me first. I'm sorry I come across as overbearing or hovering. I love you so much, and I know how much you've been through. All I want to do is protect you, but I need to let you be you." He leaned back in the chair. "I've screwed up every relationship. I've never met anyone like you, Mikayla, and I don't want to mess this one up, too."
Mikayla swore she could see Clint's blue eyes glistening. "Clint, there's two of us in this relationship, so we can both share the blame. I'm sometimes still too independent for my own good. I need to take a step back and realize why you're doing what you're doing. I think I'm still sometimes shocked by how much you love me, that for some reason, I don't deserve it. So, I will be doing my best to remember life is not perfect, but together we can handle whatever it throws at us." She adjusted her bed to sit upright. "I love you, Clint, and I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you, Mikayla, and you're not going to be getting rid of me anytime soon."
She smiled. "Good, 'cause I'm kind of used to having you around." She leaned back in the bed. "We just need to figure out boundaries as to how much protection is overreaching and how much pushing is going overboard and doing harm."
"I agree." Clint leaned down and kissed her. "That will be a conversation for another time, however. Now, move over." Mikayla slowly made room for Clint, who took her hand as she laid her head on his shoulder and fell back asleep. Clint watched her and stroked her face, still amazed that someone so pure and sweet could fall in love with him.