Author's note: Post moon scenes in this chapter, including a bit more gore than usual (I think?)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The only things running through Remus's mind for the rest of the day were curiosity over Rivers's condition and the fact he had seen the other Marauders around the Whomping Willow. When Remus slept, it was very uneasy sleep; full of tossing and turning and vague nightmares of his friends finding their way under the Willow during a full moon and coming into the house. Because he slept so much, Pomfrey didn't let the Marauders come back in after Transfiguration; Remus was too tired to care, really, and just went back to sleep after they were done arguing with Madame Pomfrey. When he woke up again he didn't have much time to gobble down a supper before he was taken to the Whomping Willow.

As they crossed the grounds, he grew nervous about seeing anyone near the tree. It was still light out, so there were quite a few students milling around the grounds. To his horror there were people somewhat near the tree. Older students, not his friends—thankfully. Not his friends. Pomfrey let out a quiet swear and she pulled Remus behind some trees.

"They don't seem t-to be leaving anytime soon," Remus whispered after five or so minutes of waiting.

Pomfrey let out a sigh. "No, I'm not sure what to do. If I go over there to get rid of them they may suspect something, as I rarely leave the hospital wing..."

Remus bit his bottom lip. "Er, don't look?"

"What?"

He got his wand out and shot the bat-bogey hex at all the students. There were loud squeals of protests and they jumped up off the ground, swatting at the bats wildly and then taking off, running towards the castle.

"P-please tell me I won't get in trouble for that?" he asked, tucking his wand back in his pocket.

Pomfrey smiled. "I didn't see a thing, Mr. Lupin."

Within minutes they were under the tree, hurrying along the passageway; there was still plenty of time before the sun set, but Pomfrey did need to get back to the school. She left him at the trapdoor, watching as he climbed up into the house and shut the door behind him.

Remus spent the next hour cleaning. All the cleaning supplies had been replenished, and over the Easter holidays someone had cleaned up a great deal of his mess; however the previous night had left blood on the floor and some stains that were difficult to get out. It didn't take long for him to grow exhausted but he kept working until he decided that was all he could really do.

Unable to clean any more blood out of the floor, Remus put all his clothes and things in the wardrobe then waited on the couch with Peter's blanket wrapped around him until night fell.

/\/\/\/\/\

Wednesday night was really rough. Sometime during the night there was enough cloud coverage for Remus to transform back into a human, but he was so torn up all he could really do was lay on the floor and sob. Slowly he dragged himself towards the couch, trying to find Peter's blanket for some comfort. Almost as soon as his fingers touched the cloth, the clouds parted and Remus's body was ripped up as the wolf emerged once more.

His human mind didn't return again until the moon set and his body shrank back into human form. Pain burned through his body, and something especially hurt along his lower face. He sat up, a moan escaping as he moved. When he touched his jaw it sent another jolt through him, and he yelped—which hurt even more. Something was very wrong with his face, though while his sight out of his left eye was rather red and hazy, he could see. He couldn't get up to look in the mirror to find out the problem since his legs were covered with gashes. All he could do was struggle along the floor till he reached the blanket, wrapping it around himself for privacy and crying until Pomfrey showed up. He couldn't even close his mouth, it hurt too much.

When Pomfrey got him to the bathroom she tried to stand between him and the mirror, but he caught a glimpse of his face anyway. There were slashes across his jaw, digging deep through the skin to the bone. Part of his lips were torn to shreds too. Luckily the marks ended just below his left eye.

In the hospital wing, Remus found it difficult to get his milkshake down. He couldn't really purse his lips to suck on the straw, so Pomfrey spoon-fed him a little bit until he couldn't stand it anymore; he didn't tell her that, he only told her he was very tired and would eat later.

Of course, he wasn't able to have visitors at all that day. The bandages on his face prevented that. He heard the Marauders arguing with Pomfrey during lunchtime then again after Defense was over. Lily showed up too, at one point, and was turned away.

Lunch was a disaster to get through. He hardly ate anything, despite Pomfrey's demands that he eat more. He did manage to get a bowl of chicken broth in him during supper, and a small dish of ice cream before he left to go back to the house. His face and legs still ached. The wounds were healing well enough, but despite the longer daylight hours it wasn't quite enough to fully heal him before he tore himself up again.

/\/\/\/\/\

Friday went much the same as Thursday, with no visitors allowed since Remus wouldn't be able to hide some of the bandages on his face. He begged Pomfrey to let his friends in, insisting they'd believe it if he made up a lie about falling out of bed, but Pomfrey refused to give in.

"It's too dangerous," she said.

So much for them being able to see me, he thought miserably, laying back in bed, rather bored. At least Friday night didn't go as terrible as the previous two, and on Saturday morning when he returned to the castle for the final time he tried not to be bitter that naturally he was doing well enough to have visitors when the damn moon was done being full! He'd be returning to the dorms that night! Er, maybe not 'well' enough, but rather most of the injuries were on his legs and his side which could be hidden.

Despite the fact he'd be leaving the hospital wing that day, Sirius and Peter showed up around ten in the morning. Remus wondered if James had an extra practice, and his friends informed him that no, James had detention—this time for being caught trying to enchant the girls' bathroom signs to flash the word 'bum' whenever anyone went in or out the door.

"He managed to get the sign to flash, and it sorta turned into 'burl' before he was found," Sirius said as he climbed into bed next to Remus, sitting with him. Peter settled on the edge of the bed near Remus's feet.

"And you weren't caught?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "I wasn't the one with my wand out, therefore I only lost a few points as his accomplice. So what happened the last two days?"

"Yeah, Pomfrey said you weren't doing well," Peter added.

"I… had two rough nights," he explained, smoothing the blanket across his lap, trying not to elbow Sirius. "My—I—I, ah, hurt my face which is very difficult to hide or explain to someone who thinks I'm merely ill."

Peter inched closer to Remus even though there really wasn't much room. "We were real worried."

"I—I'm sorry—"

"No!" Peter squeaked out. "No, um, I mean, I know it's not—uh, not anything you can control, and I know you probably don't like us worrying—um—er—what I mean is—uh—"

"What he means is, we were worried," Sirius snorted, and Peter scowled. "What? I don't care if he doesn't want us worrying, I'm going to worry."

They chattered about various things for a bit, while Remus tried to figure out how to get the conversation around to the Whomping Willow without being suspicious. Finally he asked them about their projects, asked them how that was going. Peter admitted he and Yardley hadn't really done much. Yardley didn't like Herbology at all which meant their project was slow going.

"Sirius has been spending loooads of time with Tanaka though," said Peter.

Sirius groaned, flopping his head back against the headboard. "Not this again. Just because Tanaka is gorgeous, everyone assumes we're doing more than studying."

"You had your arm around her," Peter giggled.

Sirius went vaguely pink and began inspecting his fingernails. "She tripped. I caught her. That's all. You know, Cassie believes me."

"I believe you too," Peter said, grinning. "I'm just telling Remus about what's going on, what he's missed."

Sirius shot a glare at Peter. "Ooh yeah, real important stuff there, gossip about me."

"I'm not gossiping—"

"Telling him the gossip is about the same thing, you know!"

Peter spread his arms out. "How am I telling him gossip when I'm telling him exactly what's happened! You have been spending a lot of time with her, and you did have your arm around her."

Sirius leaned forward, eyes blazing. "You're framing it in a way that makes me look weird!"

"I am not! I'm only telling him—"

"So what are your projects?" Remus interjected, feeling very penned in with them on either side of him arguing. It made him very uncomfortable, and he wanted—needed them to stop. Plus he really wanted to know about the Willow, and it seemed like a good enough excuse.

Sirius and Peter gave him vaguely apologetic looks. Peter said he was 'somewhat sure' that he and Yardley were doing gurdyroots, while Sirius said he and Tanaka had chosen dragon claws. When Remus inquired about James's choice, neither of them could give him an answer. None of this gave him much of an opening to ask about the Whomping Willow, and he couldn't figure out a good transition into it before Pomfrey shooed them out near lunchtime. Sirius showed up again shortly after with an armful of class notes which Remus had asked for, wanting to start studying. Pomfrey let him in long enough to deliver the mess then kicked him out again.

Remus settled in bed with the pile of haphazard, messy notes. Sirius's notes were awful and generally wouldn't have much of anything, but he tended to at least try to take notes during the full moon for Remus. Well, enough to tide Remus over until he could get his hands on Lily's notes.

Remus sorted through them carefully then frowned as a piece of parchment fluttered loose. It wasn't a note from a lesson, it was a back-and-forth note from James. Remus started to put it aside, not wanting to pry, but then he saw his own name.

He picked the paper up, feeling uneasy, knowing he was reading things he shouldn't. The first part of the note was James and Sirius rambling about how bored they were, and Sirius complaining about Slughorn giving him a headache.

Then in James's handwriting, you think Remy was bad or maybe he didnt want to see us?

what that mean? u think he would lie about that? - SB

he lies about alot of other stuff

Remus's heart dropped at seeing those words in James's handwriting. His finger traced the word 'lies'. Sucking in a deep breath, he kept reading.

lying & not telling us stuff is v. different dont think he would lie about seeing us – SB

sometimes its hard to tell if he really trusts us or not. sometimes it feels like he doesnt want to be part of us

Remus couldn't read anymore. He couldn't. He put the note back in the pile of lesson notes and put the papers on the bedside table. He leaned back against the headboard, breathing rather raggedly until the tears slipped down his cheeks.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus still wasn't quite up to leaving the hospital until after supper, nor did he particularly want to after the notes. Lily visited in the afternoon, as did Aegis, and Rivers came by briefly mostly to see if he was still there. Remus told him he was doing a lot better, having to insist on it since Rivers said he really didn't look much better. Remus promised he'd be out soon, and they agreed to meet up by the puffapods on the western side of the castle after lunch the next day.

After supper, Remus got dressed and limped through the castle, his leg still hurting quite a bit. He went straight for the dorms, pausing in the common room long enough to talk to Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood briefly. All three girls were glad to see he was doing better. He felt a little bad turning them down when they asked if he wanted to sit with them for a while, explaining that while he was out of the hospital wing he still needed a little more rest.

"I wonder what he has," he heard Colgate murmur quietly as he walked to the boys' stairs, doing his best not to limp.

He had long ago abandoned his plan to figure out a good medical explanation and realized he needed to start up again. Needed to find something to throw people off the scent. Unfortunately, he didn't have the one medical tome from the library anymore so that would have to wait, but once he got settled in bed he began writing down public symptoms to try to figure something out.

Exhaustion, pallid complexion, circles under eyes, could probably use my height and weight as a symptom, bed rest. He chewed in his quill, staring at the curtains, trying to focus on this instead of James's words. Blood disease, he added, underlining it twice. Genetic.

The door opened and even though he was behind his curtains he quickly shoved everything under his pillow in case it was David or Spinnet. It didn't take long to realize it was Dave, and he crawled to the edge of his bed, pulling his curtains back.

"Hey," he said.

Dave jumped in surprise. "Oh, hey! Welcome back. I didn't realize you were—er, back already."

"Yeah… um, I mostly w-wanted to let you know you weren't alone in here," he explained.

Dave nodded. "Yeah, thanks. I was going to study. Ooh, you want me to put on some music?"

Remus perked up at that, as perky as he could get under the circumstances. "Yes, please!"

Dave put on Tumbleweed Connection and Remus kept his curtains open, getting some of his schoolbooks out to study while they happily listened to Elton John until the others came to the dorm.

Remus had no idea how to act around James. James seemed fine. He threw his arms around Remus, telling him how happy he was he was finally back, saying how much he missed him. Remus awkwardly hugged back, wondering if James meant it. Doesn't want to be part of us. He did, though. He wanted to be part of the Marauders, he loved being part of the Marauders. He couldn't imagine not being part of them. How could James think otherwise? Did he really feel that Remus not telling them every little detail about his lycanthropy or other things means he didn't trust them?

He wanted so bad to talk to James, to tell him. But that would mean admitting he read the notes, and he didn't want to do that. But was that lying? Keeping things from them? Surely they weren't honest with each other about everything. Sirius kept secrets. Was James upset about that? Or did James know all the secrets Sirius wasn't telling Remus or Peter?

Or was Remus in the wrong? Should he be more… forthright? But… talking about things was… not easy… nor did he feel comfortable doing so…

Trying to figure things out made him feel nauseated and lonely, and he decided to simply push it to the back of his mind for the time being. He was too tired and too sad to deal with it. Besides, James wasn't acting mad or upset so that made it easier to pretend everything was fine, though that night when he went to bed he did cry a little more.

/\/\/\/\/\

On Sunday morning, Remus woke up still pretty exhausted. The four moon stretch had taken more out of him than he expected. When his friends saw him, James told him to skip the Quidditch practice and stay in bed.

"Actually, it's an order," he said in a very pompous, commander-y voice.

Because you don't want me there? "What if I want to be there?"

James's face softened. "You don't look well," he said, sitting next to Remus. "You should rest. My practice isn't important enough for you to push yourself, okay?"

He sounded so kind and so sweet that it almost broke Remus's heart. Which is it? Do you care or are you mad at me?! Or… maybe it could be both? He looked into James's eyes. Maybe the note… wasn't as awful as he initially thought, maybe it was just James expressing frustration. Maybe he misunderstood James feeling like Remus didn't want to be part of them.

Maybe it was best to… try to forget it…

"I'll stay with you," Peter offered with a big yawn. "I'm kinda tired from staying up so late last night."

"It wouldn't have been so late if James conceded defeat," Sirius said as he tied his shoes.

James folded his arms. "I was winning!"

"You were not, your centaur was missing a leg and you were barely going to make it to the other side of the board," Sirius said.

"I was closer than you were, if you hadn't cheated!" James snapped.

Sirius straightened up. "I did NOT cheat! No where in the rules does it say we can't make a boat to go down the stream!"

James threw a pillow at Sirius. "How the hell does an acromantula build a damn BOAT?!"

Sirius grinned. "Very carefully."

James let out a roar and tackled Sirius, sending them both crashing to the ground which woke Dave and Spinnet up. Spinnet began shouting angrily, threatening them both for causing a scene at such an ungodly hour. James and Spinnet got into a small shouting match until James puffed up, saying he didn't have time for this, he had an important practice to go to.

"You're not that great a Quidditch player!" Spinnet shouted as James and Sirius left the dorm. "Bloody hell, it's not even seven in the morning, this is ridiculous." He shot a glare at Peter and Remus before going back to bed, snapping his curtains shut.

"You're not that great a person," Peter mumbled, only after Spinnet couldn't hear him.

Remus slept for nearly two more hours, and when he woke up Peter was still sound asleep. He opted not to wake his friend, instead getting a shower and heading down to breakfast by himself. He ate eggs and kippers as he read his History book, trying to get as much crammed into his head as possible.

"Good morning."

Remus jumped a little as Aegis slid into the seat next to him. "Oh. Ah g-good morning."

"Are you feeling better?"

Remus closed his book, setting it aside. "Mostly. I—I'm still rather… weak." He nearly said tired, then changed his mind, wanting—needing to make it sound more like an illness. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in nearly a week."

"All right, I suppose." Aegis glanced around then slowly took a plate, putting food on it. The Great Hall was never very crowded on Sunday mornings, however there were some Gryffindors glaring at the Slytherin sitting at their table; there were some Slytherins glaring too. "Excited for the exams."

"I am too. Hard to believe they're here already! It feels like the Spring exams was only a week or two ago." Aegis nodded in agreement as he arranged the food carefully on his plate. "Are… you sure you're all right?"

"Yes. I just needed a friendly face." Aegis began cutting up the sausage on his plate into teensy little morsels.

Remus immediately looked towards the Slytherin table, scanning for a certain blonde. "Malfoy?"

"No, not—not quite." Aegis sighed, setting his fork and knife down. "Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode."

"They're nothing but bullies, you shouldn't listen to them," Remus urged.

"I know…"

"That—sorry, I know that doesn't make it any easier," sighed Remus.

Aegis smiled. "I appreciate the support, though. Actually I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to do something this afternoon?"

Remus started to say yes then stopped, frowning. "I can't. I'm getting together with Rivers to work on our Herbology project." That reminded him, he still didn't know what James had chosen for his project! He had been so distressed over the trust thing he never asked. "We're doing puffapods," he added, rather awkwardly.

"Miss Uphadhyay and I have chosen agemels."

"Agemels?" Remus glanced up. "Is that on the grounds?"

"Yes, a small patch very near the Forbidden Forest," Aegis said, excitedly. "Professor Sprout gave us the okay. They were added artificially however since then they have started to spread naturally, so she said it is fine."

Agamels were a lot more exciting than puffapods. "I'm not sure how long we'll be," Remus said. "Perhaps we can get together in the late afternoon, or after supper."

Aegis wrinkled his nose a little. "After supper is no good, I've promised—"

He was cut off by loud shouts on the other side of the room, and they both looked over to see a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw getting into a fight, seemingly over a Hufflepuff girl who looked rather pleased at being fought over. Flitwick hurried down to stop the duel, his squeaky voice rising as he lectured them. It made Remus think about Sirius with Inkwood and Tanaka, and wondered vaguely if Inkwood would try to fight with Tanaka. It all seemed a little ridiculous to him, honestly.

"I've promised Miss Pierce to help her with Charms," Aegis finished. "She's having a bit of trouble."

"We should do something later this week then," Remus suggested, and Aegis nodded

They talked about various other things until Peter showed up, complaining a little that Remus hadn't woken him up for breakfast; Remus explained he had let Peter sleep since it seemed he was tired, and Peter begrudgingly agreed he had been very tired, and probably could do with more sleep.

"Like you," Pete added as he sat across from Remus.

"I got… enough sleep," Remus muttered.

Peter raised his eyebrows. "With the exams comin' up? Yeah, we all know you're going to start skipping sleep."

"Do you not get enough sleep when you have exams?" Aegis asked.

Peter snorted. "Haven't you seen him around exam time?"

"I—I assumed it was to do with his illness," Aegis faltered.

Peter opened his mouth then clamped it shut. "Oh, no. It's because the so-called genius decides studying is more important than sleep—"

"Hey!" Remus protested. "I am sitting right here!"

"Good, then you can hear me tell you that you need sleep," Peter retorted.

Remus scoffed.

"He's right, you know," Aegis said.

Remus scoffed again. "Ganging up on me, I see how it is. I get plenty of sleep." Peter glared at him. "Enough sleep." More glaring. "Fine! I get… an adequate amount of sleep."

Aegis tilted his head. "I have the feeling I should not believe you."

"Yeah, you shouldn't," Pete said before cramming half a piece of toast in his mouth getting crumbs and marmalade everywhere.

Aegis was staring at Remus. "Please don't lecture me about sleep," Remus grumbled, slumping down in his seat. "I do get enough, despite what some people may think." Peter shrugged at that.

"I guess I feel a little stupid thinking it was your illness, and not even realizing—or thinking it may be anything else," Aegis said quietly.

Remus felt guilty at that. "Er, I—I n-never meant to make you worry…"

"No, you're all right," he promised. "Ah, well, I suppose it isn't all right that you don't get enough sleep but I am not… it isn't…" He trailed off, brow furrowing as he tried to figure out how to explain what he meant. "It is not your fault I assumed what the issue is, so there is no need to apologize."

"Can I ask you something?" Peter asked, causing Aegis to jerk in surprise.

"M—me?"

"Uh-huh."

"I… yes, that—yes."

Peter wiped his fingers off on a napkin. "I was just wondering if—" Then he stopped, blushing a little. "Never mind, it's probably rude."

"Please ask me, if you are curious," Aegis said, giving Pete a smile. "If it is something that crosses over into rudeness, I shan't be upset. I'll simply not answer."

Peter scrunched his face up. "Right. I was wondering why you were so… oh um, what's the word…" He tapped his chin in thought. "The way you speak. It's really… um… fancy…?"

"Formal?" Remus offered.

Pete snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that. Really formal."

Aegis looked rather dazed, obviously not expecting the question. "I… I like to be careful with my words," he explained slowly.

Peter waited a moment until he realized that's all Aegis was going to say. "Oh," he replied. "I'm never careful with my words. I'm… not too good with words."

"I have not noticed any such thing," Aegis said, and Peter looked very pleased. Remus was also pleased, excited over the fact Peter and Aegis were getting along so well. Maybe Peter would prove to be another friend for Aegis?

The three of them talked for the rest of breakfast then they split up since Aegis made some excuse about going back to his common room (Remus suspected he didn't want to intrude on the Gryffindors); Remus and Peter went outside, enjoying the morning sun until James's practice was over.

/\/\/\/\/\

After lunch Remus went back outside, going to where Rivers was already waiting by the puffapods. Rivers waved wildly as Remus approached then ran over, excited to show Remus his notes.

"I'm glad you're doing better!" he said then frowned, peering into Remus's face. "You… are doing better?"

"Yes," Remus promised, pulling his satchel off his shoulder. "Only a l-little weak still. But be—better."

They sat down in the grass and Remus went over Rivers's notes which were… very disorganized. It felt like he was reading something James or Sirius wrote. Rivers watched him as he read, which was a little discomforting.

"Th-these are good," he said, straightening the papers out. "It's a g-great start." There was a lot of work to do but he didn't want to discourage Rivers. He also didn't want to 'take over' the project. He needed to make sure they both put their 'voices' in the essay!

Over the next hour the two boys went through One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi and The Comprehensive Guide to Herbology Volume Two, scratching down all information they could find. They also wrote down what they observed of the puffapods throughout the hour, how they reacted to the breeze, how they reacted when a butterfly landed on one, and how they reacted when Rivers poked one with a stick. That is to say, the fact they released their spores and Rivers and Remus both became quite dizzy.

"Shouldn't've done that," Rivers said, staggering about until he fell on his rear. "Ouch."

Remus swayed a bit where he sat, blinking several times as he tried to write this down. His handwriting was even worse than usual. We should use the spores for a prank sometime, he thought, trying not to giggle; the other Marauders would love that!

"You're smirking," Rivers noted.

"A—am I?" Remus glanced up through his fringe. "Er. I—um, excited. For the—the project"

"No, it was… kinda like… the sort of look I imagine you get when you're up to something."

Remus drew his knees up, balancing the notebook across his legs. "I'm n-n-not up to anything."

Rivers snorted. "Sure. A year ago I'd believe it, maybe even a few months ago. Not after the spectacular 'party' you and your friends threw for Catterick, Dale, and Lucksworth."

"Y-you and Bones requested we do something," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah," Rivers agreed, grinning from ear to ear now. "It was still nothing like we imagined, and absolutely spectacular! You four can be really scary sometimes, with the way your minds work."

"I-I suppose th—that's a compliment…"

Rivers sat down next to Remus, picking up his notes again. "It is," he promised. "You four did the fish too, right? The other night?"

Remus ducked his head, going back to writing his thoughts about puffapods. "I d—don't know what you mean."

"Mmm. Yeah, all right," he laughed. "Just so you know, me and Si thought it was bloody hilarious. We found one of the rotting fish in a corridor. We left it there."

Remus snorted, covering his mouth to prevent the giggles.

"Well, I for one can't wait to see what happens at the end-of-year banquet," Rivers said.

"We sh-should get back to our obser—observations," Remus said, then wondered what they would be doing for the end-of-year banquet? It was still almost five weeks away so they had plenty of time, but one of the weeks would be taken up with exams, he had another four moon stretch to deal with, and he knew James and Sirius had several nights of detention coming up. It was probably best if they started preparing now, to make sure they had plenty of time.