Illusion is Reality

Chapter 146

-You gotta look behind-

"What about only messing with Federation guys?" "No, that would definitely catch Time Baby's attention." "Oh, what about finding some rich prick who's been using their wealth and power to make other people suffer?" "Oooh, that's much better!"

My friends were all gathered in the living room, tossing ideas out for what sorts of rampages we could do that would fit within the restrictions I was putting on myself and they were putting on themselves.

"Picking on rich pricks would be fun. Or even taking down a tyrannical god?" Kryptos suggested. "Like a certain high chair seated asshole…"

"We're not killing Time Baby." I sighed. "Kryptos, you don't need to kill Time Baby to reset our Deal or whatever, anymore."

"Doesn't mean I don't still hate him. And to be honest, I hate the AXOLOTL too." Kryptos folded his arms. I sighed. "I mean… we can go poke dad? Though he might get actually irritated by that."

"Lets not go pester the God of All, shall we?" Hectorgon, our resident voice of reason groaned. "I've been looking through Federation communications and the spread of colonialism has definitely stopped since Bill closed off the new dimensions from their reach."

"I'm there for most of their creation after all. Shutting off transportation between them is easy."

"Yes. Well, have you looked into those dimensions? If the Federation doesn't have a branch there, would it be harder for Time Baby to see what happens there?"

"If nothing important is happening there that would affect the rest of the multiverse, he doesn't quite care."

"Well, any place, will eventually have someone in power choose to harm those without power. We can start there." Hectorgon twirled his mustache. "Just a small rampage, see if Time Baby notices. Perhaps… this would be a good time to throw up the largest perception field you can make?"

"Oh yeah, like… how strong are your perception barriers?" Kryptos leaned in. "Can they even block the Sight of other gods?"

I paused. Could they? I haven't really tried testing this. "I mean… I know that if I'm inside someone's Dream, Time Baby can't see what I'm doing. He can only See the physical world."

"And the AXOLOTL?" Hectorgon prompted.

"Well, he's got a connection to everything with a Soul, dunno how much he sees though. Since he sleeps most of the time."

"Alternatively, find a place that's already so chaotic that nothing we do would even make a dent." Ammy spoke up. We all turned to look at him. I flicked my bowtie. "Well, the fact that you're suggesting it means you've found a place that fits the BILL." (Half my friends groaned at this.)

"Indeed." Ammy nodded solemnly. "It's continuously breaking apart and nothing seems to survive for long there." I paused, his description striking a chord with me. "Wait. Do you mean the Nightmare Realm?"

Ammy nodded. "My birthplace. Yes."

I sputtered, "How do you even know about- wait, shit, do you… remember being there?"

"It was my birthplace. Yes. I have many clear memories of crawling out from the dirt and watching the sky tear itself to shreds."

My eye twitched. Just how long had Ammy been alone in there before I found him?

"I think the Nightmare Realm is too dangerous to go play around in." I said slowly. "Unless you're within my safe zones, which would defeat the purpose of this exercise."

"Wait, how dangerous is this place?" Keyhole raised his hand.

"It's like… if you were at the edges when my bubble shrank down and past you, leaving you on the outside of the bubble, you'd be drained dry of everything you have." I shrugged. "Your energy pulled straight out. And if that doesn't kill you, it'll also pull your very being into shreds. And that's if you don't get lucky enough to be sucked into the random portals that are opening and closing constantly which would spit you out in some random location in the multiverse along with the Weirdness leak."

Everyone stared. Then Keyhole nudged Ammy. "You were born there?" ("Pretty fucking metal." PaciFire rubbed his chin, sounding impressed.) Ammy nodded. "I don't understand the surprise?"

"It's 'cause we weren't expecting you to be so badass." Teeth snorted. "Damn Bill, why'd you give birth in a place like that?"

"I didn't know he would- I wasn't-" I groaned. "All I did was masturbate, I didn't think it would produce a PERSON!" Then again, didn't the legends sometimes say a god would ejaculate the universe into being? I think that was Egyptian. They were kinky enough to believe that.

"Only you Bill." Pyronica laughed. "Well, regardless, is that a 'no' on letting us hang out in your super secret Nightmare dimension?"

"I wouldn't risk it." I muttered. Not just for the aforementioned reasons, but also because I was a little paranoid about the lot of us getting 'trapped' in there if we all gathered into said decaying dimension. Just 'cause my life was some kind of fucked up fanfic, didn't mean I wanted to hit all the canon Flags. Like, there was a time when I did, but I kinda gave up on that. I was going to be trying to want to live. So having the Zodiac kill me by the end of the day would just be stupid.

...ok, so a small rampage in a place with people who are abusing other people, to free them from said abuse?" 8-Ball was trying to take notes, watching him cross his eyes was funny. "It doesn't have to be people being oppressed. Animals and people who are considered animals, face a lot of abuse too." 8-Ball added, to my not surprise. Xanthar nodded solemnly to that. "What about some poacher hunting?"

"I think I know some guys…"

The native dominant animal species of Foliccio were a quiet bunch. They ate bird eggs and berries and generally spent their time crawling around, chittering to each other and being a peaceful bunch of hairy puff balls. But ever since the fashion trend began for facial hair, they began to be hunted for their fur to be made into designer mustaches and beards. Which is awful because there were much better, more ethical ways to get the fur/hair material needed for such things, but the little Foliccian Hair-balls had incredibly soft and easily styled fur which many people sought out. And it wasn't like the general public knew where their stylish facial wear was being sourced from. Just that it was 'all natural' which some people took to mean it was better for you than something artificially synthesized.

Added to the fact that Hair-Ball fur ranged in all colors and could be made into all sorts of amazing shapes and hold said shape without the use of expensive creams, heck, a simple mix of triethanolamine, stearic acid, polyoxyethylene sorbitan monostearate, glycerin, lanolin and water is all you need to get them to mold into whatever form you want. In simpler terms, foamy soap cream. So they were easier to work with than synthetic fibers, felt more comfortable, and there weren't any highly intelligent species on this planet to stop them, poachers were constantly coming by to snatch them up.

The difference in my opinion, between hunters and poachers, was in how they hunted, what they hunted and for what reason. Anyone going after an endangered species was a big thing. Anyone going after something that they weren't going to eat was another. My issue with shark fin back when I was human wasn't JUST because sharks were important to the ecosystem, it was that people would just cut off the fins and toss the shark back into the water to bleed out or drown to death. Or people killing elephants just to rip out their tusks. If you were going to take the life of an intelligent living creature, at least use all of it! That was a huge pet peeve of mine. The other thing that made someone a poacher and not just a hunter, was if they didn't need to do this. If there were other options. But they chose to do this instead.

They didn't need to hunt these animals. They chose to do so because killing these living creatures would make more money than just breeding some other furry animal that they could just sheer the fur off of. Instead of just having animals they could take the fur off, without killing the animal, they were choosing to kill harmless furball creatures just because it was cheaper.

Like, if they really wanted to do this, they could try farming them instead! But no, they weren't trying to breed more to have a sustainable, renewable source of fur to sell to beard manufacturers, they were just going into the homeplanet of these animals and killing them off. It was so incredibly stupid.

Hell, even the lumber and logging industry replanted for every tree they cut down. It was sheer stupidity to do otherwise. (I'm talking about you, Onceler you stupid fuck)

Anyway, bullying poachers was fun.

"AAHHHH IT'S ON MY FAAAACE!" One of the poachers screamed.

"THEY'RE GOING IN MY PAAAANTS!" Another one screamed.

So… funny story, the little furballs had a clinging and burrow instinct that activated when there was fire around. Clinging to trees and climbing away from ground fires, or burrowing below the soil if they could.

Pyronica and I were very good at setting controlled fires. Enough to scare, not enough to really hurt anyone.

And while the poachers panicked over being swarmed by chittering furballs, 8-Ball and Pacifire looted their stuff. Were we gonna strand them on the planet? Yeah~ only for a few days. Until they rethink their life choices.

It's not like they'd starve or get killed, this was a relatively peaceful planet. Plenty of edible berries and fruit trees that these poachers' species could consume without issue. Only a slight tilt to the axis of the planet's rotation, but it was enough to make a bit of variation in the weather, so they might have to worry about finding shelter, but hey, if they were gonna be out here, killing off a whole species of animal for profit, well… screw 'em.

I floated through the fire and grinned down at the struggling poachers. One lady was throwing the furballs off herself. I made sure that all the furballs would be unharmed by all of this. They chittered as they were thrown around, bouncing harmlessly off surfaces and unburned by the fire. The poachers on the other hand...

The lady was panting heavily at the heat, trying to regulate her body temperature. One of the guys was sweating, as his species actually could expel internal fluids for the sake of having it evaporate off his skin and pull away some of the heat with it.

"Why yellow there!" I swung my cane around before leaning against it midair. "So how are you fine people doing today?"

A few of them froze, one guy just glared up at me. "What do you want, you angular freak?"

I put a hand on my chest, rearing back. "Gasp!" I said. "The name calling? You're gonna hurt my feelings!"

Teeth came up to the edge of the fire, the flames parting around him. He mock whispered to the group, "You wouldn't like what happens when you hurt Bill's feelings."

"What? He kills us? We're already gonna die." The guy scoffed. I huffed. "Really? Why do you think so?"

"You set the forest on fire." The guy deadpanned at me. I giggled. "Ok, yeah~ just a little. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna kill ya."

"W-what do you want?" The lady of the group asked. "Cutting right to the chase, eh?" I tilted my hat back with one hand before it stretched out to grab the furball that was clinging to one of the other guy's faces. "Well I think these little fuzz things are cute. So the fact that their population has been reduced to half of what they had originally been, within the last year is an issue." I began petting the furball until it calmed down and hung limp in my hands, looking like a weird wig or something.

"We-" one of them looked like he was about to protest before he was shushed by the guy next to him. The confrontational one just sneered at me. "So what? You don't own them. No one does. We can hunt as many as we want."

"I mean, I guess you're correct, but that doesn't mean you're right." I huffed. ("Why do you even care? I heard that mosquitoes are an endangered species because of you!") "Hey, only the blood sucking kind. And the difference is because I hate mosquitoes. And I like fluffy things."

"So it's entirely selfish?"

"Yes!" I grinned. "So glad you're all following along! Anyway, I'm thinking of just leaving you off with a warning." I pet the furball. "Since I'm in a good mood."

"Peh," the confrontational one muttered. "We'll just keep hunting them once you leave."

"Hm… interesting proposition!" I flicked my fingers and the guy turned into a furball. His friends gasped when he fell into the flock of furballs around them, getting lost amongst them instantly. "Have fun hunting, I sure hope your buddies don't end up taking you out too." I cackled.

"Divvnolosque! Noooo!" The lady fell to her knee-like appendage and began picking up furballs and looking at them closely. "Which one are you? Give me a sign!" Another guy was also down on the ground, searching. "Div? Div, buddy?"

One of the others actually pouted at me. "Not cool man. Div and Lanajal were gonna get married next month!"

"Wait! They were?!" the other guy gasped before he began searching through the flock even more frantically. "Div you asshole! I thought we had something special!" he wailed.

"Wait!" The lady, Lanajal, flared her fins. "You're the one that Divvnolosque decided to cancel our wedding for?!" ("Wait, the wedding's cancelled? Shit man, I already commissioned you guys the cake!") she glared at the other guy.

"He…. He cancelled for me?" The other dude blinked before he frowned. "After he was with you long enough for a goddamn proposal?!"

("Do you guys have ANY idea how expensive that cake is?! Fuck man! You guys owe me 24000 Credits!")

"Divvnolosque has been together with me for EIGHT standard galactic years!" Lanajal hissed, her fins full extended with the strength of her fury. The other guy, I quickly looked up his name just so I could follow along better, Bren, gasped. "Div and I have known each other since we HATCHED!"

"Wait, you weren't dating since you hatched, were you?" One of the other guys looked back and forth between them. ("Five layers! FIVE! With flowers made from real imported Poelian sugar!")

I floated down to the ground, the fire going out around me. I sat down on a chair I created and pulled out a bag of chips. Teeth and the others settled down to watch the show as well.

"What? Of course not! We're not Sletheinans!" Bren growled. "But he never told me he was with you! And we've been together for twelve years!"

"That fucking bitch!" Lanajal was now searching even harder, "Don't try and hide you asshat! You have some explaining to do!"

"Forget that, how did you two start seeing each other?" "I'll have you know that HE approached ME!" "You fucking-" and then the two were at each other's throats, claws out and snarling.

"Guys, please stop! We need to get out of here!" ("I had a whole speech written out for you two!")

"...should we… stop them?" Keyhole asked slowly. I shook my head, throwing back a couple chips into my eye/mouth. "Nah." Pyronica reached over to grab some chips too.

"How DARE he?!" "How did you two even manage to hide this?!" "How did we not notice?!" "YOU OWE ME MONEY FOR THAT CAKE YOU SON OF AN EEL!"

And just for fun, I actually changed the dude back to normal and watched his two lovers descend upon him with all the fury of an exploding cactus. Wow. I didn't even know legs could bend in that direction.

We eventually left, I even gave them back their supplies because I think that Div guy needed medical attention.

...I also felt bad enough for the cake-dude that I told him I would buy the cake off him. Hey, it's cake. I didn't want to waste it. I also told him that my condition was for him to find another line of work that didn't involve killing off harmless animals that couldn't defend themselves.

"These things don't attack you first, like mosquitoes do. So it doesn't feel right to kill them, if you're not gonna be eating them."

"...is THAT why you kill mosquitoes?"

"Only the blood sucking ones that come near me or my friends." I huffed. "Also, they're Tattletales." Always biting out 'Zdwfk rxw iru Eloo' on people. How very rude!

Oddly enough, most of the group of poaches actually ended up pretty chill around me and my group. Weird. I didn't really understand people sometimes.

I felt a little odd as my friends and I headed home. Did that even count as a rampage? I feel like I'm missing something. But my friends were well entertained and no one was complaining. Also I brought home one of the furballs. They really were cute.

I put the little thing down on the couch. "Between you and those eyebats that Paci's getting better at controlling, I wonder if we should set up a proper pet room?"

"You do you Bill. I'm gonna go grab some snacks." Pyronica walked off.

Hectorgon stretched and groaned. "Am I getting old? I didn't even do much and I'm already tired. Wow, we're rusty." He hopped off down the hall.

Kryptos wiggled his fingers. "I didn't even get to zap anyone." ("I doubt it'd do much anyway. You barely sting." 8-Ball pointed out.) "That's only because you've got thick ass skin. Other people are gonna feel lit more than you do!" Kryptos complained as he and 8-Ball disappeared down the hall as well. Everyone else filed away until it was just me, Xanthar, Keyhole and my new pet.)

The furball just chittered and wiggled over to a bowl of fruit on the table in front of the couch and began eating. I shrugged. "Ok, have fun."

"Is that safe for it to eat?" Keyhole asked, leaning on his elbows at the table, watching the thing chew up the fruit. I nodded. "It's capable of digesting all plant ovaries."

"Please don't call them that, it's really gross."

"Don't even get me started on what does or doesn't count as a berry." I huffed.

"Ok I won't." Keyhole laid down on the couch. I whined softly.

Everyone else had gone back to their rooms, aside from Xanthar, who was making some sort of jealous snuffling against my back, pushing the furball father away from me with one hand. I pet him and rolled my eye. "Don't worry Xan-Xan, I still love you best."

I was still staring at Keyhole though. Finally, he groaned. "Ok Bill, what counts as a berry?" He rolled his eyes.

I perked up. "Ok so… by the definitions of 'berry' a banana is a berry!" I cackled. "And a cucumber! And Frunpples! And Gnogmons. And Uanappiles! And eggplants!"

"That is the worst thing I've ever heard." Keyhole groaned, covering his ear holes. I cackled. The furball was opening its mouth and swallowing the fruit whole. "What should I name this little guy?" I wondered, picking it up. Then I thought about what I should do with it. I didn't really want a new pet, the eyebats were enough for that. But this little one was clinging to my side so I couldn't help but take it. It was an impulse decision. And now I didn't know what to do.

The furball chittered and clung to my side again. I suppose it liked how warm I was.

"Are we keeping that thing?" Keyhole poked it, making the thing squeal and shuffle up my plane. "Heheehehe that tickles!" I put my hand on it to stop it from crawling even higher up my face. "What should I name you…" I peered at it. I picked it up and ruffled it's fur. "How about… Shlumdigadoogeribob!"

"Where the fuck do you come up with these names?" Keyhole twitched. "Thank zinc you didn't name your children this way…"

"When I realized I had a huge group of them, I knew I needed a theme naming." I shrugged, "And this was technically canonical. I don't want to follow canon, but there are some interesting points that I don't mind hitting."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Which is probably a good thing." I told him sagely. I carried my new pet with me to look for the eyebats. Have to introduce them so they know that Shlumdigadoogeribob isn't food. Keyhole's fleshy slapping footsteps followed me. "What's up Key-man?"

"Please don't ever call me that again." The Lockin groaned. "Are we done with rampaging for the day?"

I shrugged. "What? You're still bored?"

Keyhole looked away, twiddling his fingers together. "I didn't get to do much."

"...do you just want to do crime?"

He turned brown. "No…?"

"Keyhole, you realize that I know about you working with those scrappers taking apart stolen spaceships to build weapons?"

He stiffened. Then he sighed. "Right, I shouldn't even bother trying to deny it." he walked beside me as I floated slowly. "The only thing I'm good at is identifying stuff. I thought I could try and use it in a legal job, but I got bored." He sounded guilty. I pet his head. "Dude, it's fine. You don't have to get and keep a job forever. If you're tired of it, you can leave. You're fortunate in that way, where you've got all the time in the world to explore what you wanna do. And you've got me here to support you with all your living needs so you're not forced to keep a job you don't like just to stay alive."

"...I'm so lucky. And I'm still being all ungrateful and-"

"I'm stopping you right there." I poked him. "It's not about being grateful. I decided on my own to take you in. And I'm going to keep taking care of you regardless. You should just focus on yourself. You're free to do what you want, so long as you're not going around murdering innocents or some shit."

Keyhole let out a surprised laugh. "Well I'm not Pyronica." ("And thank void for that!") "And I'm not into killin' people or anything." Keyhole made a disgruntled face. "But like… breaking the law is kinda fun… within reason."

"You like the thrill." I pointed out. "How 'bout this, you find something you want to do, I'll help you with it."

"Can't you go find more people to mess with?"

"Look, I'm trying to figure out what I'm comfortable with in terms of doing good or bad things. I tried something small with just going off on some poachers, but I'll be working on elevating it to see what works or not."

"I still don't get why you don't just… do whatever you want anymore. Is it really that much of an issue? Your human family won't even know about any of what happens here?"

I paused, petting Shlumdigadoogeribob. "I just… they think I'm some kind of sweet uwu kid. Well, Miz is, at least. And they say they're ok with my killing in self defence. And I guess they're fine with messing with people who've messed with them first? But going out and actively hunting down people… I'm not sure where that falls yet, in things that mommy would approve or not."

"...just 'cause she's your adopted mom doesn't mean you have to always do what she says?" Keyhole looked so confused. "Bill, what's even the point of the whole 'being on good behavior' thing if the people you're doing it for aren't even here to see it?"

"It's… the principle of the thing."

"If this was about setting a good example for your kids, I'd understand, but you've been doing this long before this point." Keyhole frowned. "What's really going on?"

I could tell he was serious. This was really bothering him. "I thought that… even if I wasn't the best person, I was still ok. But someone pointed out just how awful I really am, and then someone else pointed out how much responsibility I actually have, and I realized how I shouldn't be just… having fun all the time…"

Keyhole stared at me. "Bill, you always tell us to go and have fun."

"That's different. You guys aren't demon-gods with responsibilities."

"...what even are your responsibilities?"

"Heck if I know." I muttered. "But I guess I'm supposed to…. I dunno? Change things that I don't like to be things that are better? Fix things? 'Cause not doing so, even if I have the power to, would be irresponsible or something?"

"And yet, you're too afraid to actually go around and change things?" Keyhole said slowly. I twitched. You didn't have to say it like that! Keyhole folded his arms. "This is something Blue told you, isn't it?"

"..."

"Why do you care so much about what he tells you? I mean… he's apparently your big brother, but like… no offence, but you kinda… just… seem to think anything he says is more important than what you think?" Keyhole frowned. I looked away.

"Bill? Look, none of us really wanted to say anything, 'cause you seem to really like Blue, but you've been… no offence, kinda mopey and no-fun since you've hung out with him."

"So you guys don't like him either?" I sighed. I didn't want to think about how the people I loved didn't like the person I also loved. I just wanted everyone to get along. But if they can't, then I'm fine with keeping my social groups separate. It was just sad to think about.

"I don't like how whatever he's done to you has made you so unsure of yourself that you're practically a doormat." Keyhole corrected. "You're Bill Cipher. You're the guy who walked into a police station, pulled out a sack, and asked me to get in because you wanted to kidnap me."

I coughed, feeling the way my bricks were burning. "That's not an ok thing to do."

"According to who?" Keyhole asked. "I mean, I was pretty surprised, but it's really funny when I think back on it."

"I dunno, but I think kidnapping people is 'wrong'." I knew that was a thing. Keyhole snorted. "Usually, yeah. But seriously, I miss when you just did what you wanted. You were happier back then."

"But I shouldn't just be doing what I want. I shouldn't be allowed to do that."

"And yet, we can?"

I nodded. "Yes! Exactly!"

"That's stupid." Keyhole declared. "It shouldn't matter if you're a god or demon or whatever! You're still a person with your own wants and needs! If we're all allowed to do what we want, you are too!"

Yeeeeeaaaaah, that didn't sound right. "You guys don't have reality warping powers. It's different."

"Then just don't use your powers for the things you want!"

I blinked. That's...

"That's brilliant!" I picked up Keyhole and swung him around before hugging him. "I mean, there's still a whole bunch of issue with that, like I could easily build my own mecha suit and just steamroll people, but that's not the point,"

"So does that mean you'd be able to be gay and do crimes with all of us again?"

"I'm ace, but this would be a MAYBE!" I paused. "I don't know? Even if I'm not using my powers, I'm still too dangerous to be allowed to do what I want…"

"So is every officer with a gun, and frankly, between you or them, I'm going with you." Keyhole complained. "Bill, seriously, what the fuck did Blue do to you?"

"Nothing! He didn't do anything to me! I haven't even spoken to him in-" I defended my brother. Sure, I haven't seen him in ages, and his Door was still locked the last I checked, but that's not… it's not like he was...

"...and it was mostly that Stanford anyway…"

Keyhole's eye widened. "Ford did it?!"

"Not Fordsie!" I quickly corrected him. "Er… it was… Blue's Sixer…"

Keyhole threw his hands up, "Oh! So even Blue's Ford is an asshole?!"

"Er… I mean… he's a racist against demons, but he's not actually a bad person…"

"You're making excuses for him too?!"

"Not the point." I patted Keyhole's head. "He wasn't being… er… well, he was just pointing out a bunch of stuff. And I didn't like them. But they made sense, after I thought about it."

"What made sense? You not being allowed to be happy?! Or being allowed to have your own wants and shit?" Keyhole cried incredulously. I felt a little lightheaded, a strange feeling of disconnect. There was a simmering hilarity within me as Keyhole kept protesting something so very silly.

"He didn't exactly say that." But he sure thought it, if not about me specifically, then about Blue. And the wants thing was… "I'm a bad person. So anything I want to do is bad, if I'm the one doing it. Like, if I was healing someone, it's bad because I'm the one healing them. But if someone else did it, then it's fine. Or if I wanted to help a starving person by giving them food, the want of wanting to help is bad, because I'm the one wanting it."

"That's stupid."

"Nah, it makes sense. I'm a bad person." I giggled, the lightheaded feeling getting stronger. "So… so if I wanted something, I ha-aave to think about whether it's something I should be allowed to do…."

"Bill? Are you alright?"

"They only made drop kicking a bad thing because I've done that…" My head was spinning a little, I'm not… I can't really think clearly. Wait, what was I doing? Keyhole was reaching up to pat my side. "Bill? How long has it been since you've slept?" Hey, just 'cause I didn't actually sleep when I came over here didn't mean-

"...those baby dolls that you feed milk to are nothing like the real thing…" I babbled, having gotten onto an entirely different topic of discussion. "Drop kick those too..." I blinked slowly, my eye remaining shut far longer than usual. "What were we talking about?"

Keyhole was holding my hand, pulling me towards my room. Oh! My bed! It looks so big. "Bill, you need to sleep." I bobbed lower to the ground. "Not alone. Not… sleep… ah…." I wrapped my arms around Keyhole, my head feeling so dizzy and-

"Don't worry. I'm right here."

I passed out.

I woke up slowly, the dream of various clowns surrounding me chanting, "Ancient sins~ ancient sins~" fading away until I didn't remember what my dream was about anymore. The first thing I noticed was that I wasn't feeling the smooth blankets of my bed beneath me, but warm fur.

I blinked slowly. "Xan…"

"Oh, you're awake. Wait, did you actually sleep this time? Instead of just popping back from Seb's place?" I looked over at the voice, Keyhole, nearby. He was lying in Xanthar's fur too. Shlumdigadoogeribob was in his arms. Ammy was lying nearby as well. "Hello Mother, did you rest fully for once?"

I groaned and laid back down, scratching at Xanthar with a hand. "I feel like shit."

"Overworking yourself tends to result in that." Keyhole said sarcastically.

I looked over at him. "You know I didn't even know how to sleep until I met Blue?"

"That's still not an excuse. Even if he's helped you, if something he did-"

"Blue didn't do anything to me." I said, even as I kept quiet about the way he'd somewhat threatened to take Fordsie from me, the way he went around pissing off everyone I cared about, the way he still hasn't responded back to ANY of my messages-

I deflated, flopping back onto my front, burying my face in Xanthar's fur. "I don't think he's an ass on purpose, I think he's just like that."

"...that's worse. You do realize that's worse, right?" Keyhole sounded exasperated.

"I'm an asshole too." I pet Xanthar's fur with a hand.

"Well, yeah? But it's different." Keyhole groaned. "You apologize."

"Fat lot of good that does." I muttered, but he was sort of right, in a way. I never heard Blue ever apologize for the shit he does. Even when he knew he was in the wrong, and also felt like he did wrong. Like when that Stanford broke from listening to me talk. "Look, can we not talk about this anymore?" I was rather uncomfortable with the idea of thinking of Blue negatively. Even despite all the shit he did.

Ammy was giving me an unblinking stare. "You don't want to be mad at Blue." I twitched. "You want to pretend everything is fine, and that you're not miserable because he hurt you and never apologized for it."

"I'm fine." I stretched out my hand to poke Ammy's top block. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I want to talk about it." Ammy stated. "And I get to do what I want, yes?"

I groaned. Walked right into that one. Keyhole let out a, "Heeeheeeheee~"

I flopped back into Xanthar. "Whatever."

Ammy floated over and hovered over me. "You're not going to figure this out unless we say it directly." He accused. "You can love someone, and they can love you back, but they can still be terrible for you."

I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to think about it. "I still want him." I blurted out.

Keyhole inhaled. "Of course you do." He rubbed his face. "Lemme guess, you think that you have to act in some certain way, in order for him to like you or something?" I remained silent at that.

"And you think part of that is to act in a way that would make Blue's Stanford like you, in order for this to happen?" Keyhole continued. I curled up tighter around Xanthar. "Bill, you realize that's pointless. You even told me that Stanford's racist against you. He'd never gonna like you and you shouldn't keep trying to-"

"But he's right." I finally spoke up. And I didn't know what I was supposed to do to not be terrible. Why couldn't people just outright give me a freaking list of what is right or wrong? "I'm a bad person, and I don't want to be a bad person anymore. I know I'm the villain in this story, but that doesn't mean I want to be a monster-"

"What does that even have to do with anything?!" Keyhole flopped against Xanthar as well. The loaf was letting out 'calm' and I relaxed a little. I tried to shut off any of my empathic sense, but I couldn't help but relax my hold around Xanthar. Blue called it 'self-medicate' and fuck, maybe. I didn't care. It wasn't like I could take any actual human medication for my anxiety and shit. I don't even know if there was such a thing as anxiety medication for Shapes.

So if I wanted to feel better by hanging out with Xanthar, fuck anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.

But I was feeling a little restless. I was uncomfortable with the topic of discussion. And I could feel my energy roiling inside me. "...ugh…" I twitched. "Ok fine. Let's go do some crime." I groaned. "Just a little bit."

Ammy pulled a roll of paper out of one of his blocks and it unravelled, and unravelled, and unravelled...

"I've made a list of crimes I want to try out." My son told me. Keyhole let out a surprised laugh. "Holy keys!" He climbed over to pick up part of the long list. "...graffiti in public spaces, more than five stop lights in a hovering intersection… wearing a hat in dimension Dg7-2, genetic experimentation for the creation of a new animal species not through breeding…"

"I have watched six seasons of Bakemon and I think I would like to have a Bullacord." Ammy blinked slowly. "I know you could create one, but I want to make it myself."

Keyhole turned to me and deadpanned, "You let him watch too much anime."

"I see no issue here." I giggled, feeling giddy.

"There are plenty of crimes that wouldn't involve harming or messing with anyone, if that is your hang up." Ammy told me. "Also, treating the injured in a hospital when they weren't able to pay is still considered illegal. I found an article from Yoland about how another doctor was fired for it."

Ok, yes. They got me.

I sat up, rubbing my hands together. "Looks like some people are gonna get healed whether they want it or not."

"If they go to the hospital, I'd say that's consent enough for healing." Ammy smiled.

Twisting people's bodies and making them become what I want them to be (healthy)? Oh, my~ that did sound fun. And if it pisses off whoever is wanting to deny people this without payment? Eh~

The hospital was in chaos.

All the patients, ALL of them, were being discharged. Both the patients who had paid and those who were in the waiting room, begging for help, were all consumed by a freak flash of light that swept through the entire building and after a few seconds of terror, everyone was shocked to discover they were more than unharmed. Also, the sound of distant, echoing laughter was rather disconcerting. Some people began crying. There was a lot of confusion as the hospital staff attempted to get everything under control.

Also, Ammy stole a bunch of those baby blankets from the laundry room. I sighed as Keyhole and I crouched in the ventilation system, me holding the cooling Heal Laser 500, also known as the MediBitch (made by me of course! If I'm not using my powers to cause trouble, I can use technology~. "Ammy, put those back." I scolded as I pulled out the spent canister of raw matter from my Energy to Matter converter. The dang thing was fried. Ooof. Looks like it couldn't handle channelling me, even for that short several second burst.

"But they are warm." he nuzzled his blocks against them, having wrapped the cloth around himself.

"I can make you some when we get home." I sighed.

"I want these ones. And I can have what I want, right?"

I twitched. You smug son of a bitch. Wait, you're my kid. So I'm the bitch. Ok, yes I am a bitch, so I suppose the comment still stands. Ammy you smug son of a bitch.

"Bill, can't you just make replacements for the one's Ammy took?" Keyhole asked slowly.

"Keyhole you're a genius!" I gasped. He just made an incredulous sound. "It's… like… obvious? Like, common sense?"

"Sense ain't common and you, sir, are a gift." I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him up against me. "From now on, you're my 'tell me shit' guy! When shit happens, you tell me! And give me better ideas by reviewing what I've got going on and telling me I'm shit!" I squealed. "Isn't that great, Tell-Me-Shit-Guy?"

"No offence Bill, but that's a terrible title." Keyhole deadpanned.

"See? Already with the brilliant feedback!" I leaned against him, waving one of my hands in front of me. "I can already tell we're gonna do GREAT together!" Keyhole let out a long suffering sigh.

"So I can keep these blankets?" Ammy rubbed them on himself.

"Yes Ammy." I was already flicking my fingers and creating more blankets to replace them.

"Can I also keep this?" He pulled something out from his blocks.

"...no Ammy. That is a child. Please return them to where you found it." Oh no, looks like Ammy grabbed an in-use baby blanket.

"So when you do it, it's fine. But I'm not allowed to kidnap children?" Ammy put the baby back into his block, where it was lifted out of another block elsewhere and placed back onto the bed he found it on. The frantic nurses nearly wept with relief.

"You're both the worst!" Keyhole sobbed. "This was a terrible idea, I shouldn't have encouraged you two to commit crimes. Oh no."

"I do have 'kidnap children' on my crimes bucket list." Ammy pulled said list back out. I sighed. "Only kidnap a child if their living situation is awful and you think you can give them a better environment to grow up in."

"Duly noted."

"You're both idiots." Keyhole turned and began crawling his way down the air vent. "I'm going home before you start your own foster house."

I paused. "That's not a bad idea…"

"No. Not idea. Stop."

"Do I get to pick which children to kidnap for it?" ("No. We're all going home. No more crime for today. We're all crime'd out!")

I think we had a productive day overall.

...and Keyhole really was brilliant, I actually felt a little better.