184. I would like to say I'm glad there are still people out there loving Tuckson, but, perhaps equally important, still loving them enough to be interested in my soap opera-esque story. I enjoy writing it because it allows me to escape into this little world that isn't always perfect, but revolves around my favorite fictional couple of all time. Enjoy the latest installment.

Ed usually manned the grill with one kid on his hip, but when both Maggie and Wyatt clamored to be hoisted into his arms he pulled over two of the high top chairs and plopped them down. "You can help Daddy from here." He bopped them both on the nose, turned around, and almost bumped into Olivia and the platter of steaks and crustaceans. He grinned and gave her a kiss before taking the tray.

"I got it." He said sweetly.

Olivia didn't let go until he gave her another kiss.

He smirked. "Once I get everything on, it'll only be ten, fifteen minutes."

"Everything else is ready."

"Alright," he lowered his voice even though the only people paying attention to him and Olivia were the twins, "Hear anything from Stabler?"

"Nothing," Olivia replied. "I'll try calling again tomorrow."

"Hey, Liv, I know what a big heart you have and how hard it must be to, uh, push this to the side."

She shrugged. "He has a support system around him, I'm sure. He hasn't needed me in over a decade. If it was so important he talk to me, he would've called back. It's on him." Olivia patted Ed's chest, "I'm going to set the table. Maggs, Wyatt, want to help?"

"Help Dada," Maggie said.

"Sizzzzzle!" Wyatt added gleefully, showing his teeth and loving the sound of the letter z.

Olivia grinned, "Yes, I'm sure watching Daddy at the grill is much more exciting. I'll be back out with another platter for when everything's done."

In the yard, Noah, Brooke, Sonny, and Justin played cornhole. Sarah and G, who had been eliminated in an earlier round, were sitting on the Adirondacks keeping an eye on Sofia. She would be two in November and was just now starting to act like she was comfortable around the rest of the family. Privately, Sarah admitted to G that she was concerned Brooke was keeping Sofia too sheltered, that Brooke was much too protective, so it was a relief to see her interact with everyone. Usually she gravitated toward her mom's or dad's lap.

"Brookey! Good job! We're winning!" Noah cried jubilantly after Brooke sank two shots in a row. He was even more excited when Justin missed the board on the first throw of his turn. "Miss it miss it miss it," he chanted under his breath.

"Noey, be a good sport," Sarah said.

"I am, Sare Bear. I jus' wanna win."

"So competitive," Sarah murmured, "So young, so competitive."

G had been braiding a Barbie Doll's hair. She finished and handed it to Sofia. "There you go Sof-Sof! All pretty!"

"Pitty," Sofia said.

"What do you say?" Brooke prompted from nearby.

"Tayou!" Sofia trotted around the cold fire pit to the opposite side and put the doll with a few others.

As G followed Sofia's gaze she caught a glimpse of someone approaching from the adjacent yard. The properties were separated by a vacant half lot, a few wild butterfly bushes, and some other overgrown coastal brush, and the first thing G saw was a huge white floppy hat. "Is that the Sullivan lady?" She whispered to Sarah.

"No...she's taller and a little bigger."

The woman waved. "Hi!" She had a friendly, dazzling smile, "Is this where Olivia Benson lives?"

Sarah clammed up. Sonny and Justin stood straight with their hands on their hips. Brooke and Noah cast suspicious glances at the stranger. Everyone but Ed had gone into protective mode. He leaned over the porch railing, squinted, and said. "Jo?"

"Tucker! Hi! You're not going to believe this, but the Sullivans are good friends of ours! It's one of the reasons we looked to this area for a home! Wow! What a coincidence. Doubly so! Bumping into each other at the nursery, and, now, this!"

Doing his best to be polite, Ed came into the yard to greet Jo but mentioned he had time-sensitive food on the grill. "Liv's inside," he said, "Uh, I can get her." The last part came out as more of a question than an offer.

"Thanks!"

He ran inside and Jo and the rest of the family shifted from foot to foot, awkwardly waiting for someone to talk first. Jo broke the ice. "So, you must be Noah," she said to the curious-looking boy.

"Yeah," he said. Typically, he would have introduced everyone, but the situation felt strange, even to him. He drifted closer to Brooke and she put a reassuring arm across his shoulders.

Sarah stepped forward with an outstretched hand and introduced herself as Ed's and Olivia's daughter. Sarah never used "step" anything when it came to Olivia. "How do you know Livvie?" She asked.

"I worked with her."

"Oh, you're a cop?"

"No, well, I was, but when we worked together I was an ADA."

"I'm an ADA," Sonny chimed in, sounding like a grade schooler, "You worked with SVU?"

"Yeah, for a few weeks. Not long. I bopped around a bit. But that job mostly broke my heart. How are you doing, uh, I don't think I got your name."

"Sonny Carisi."

"Nice to meet you Sonny."

Olivia arrived before any more introductions could take place. "Jo! Wow! This is an amazing coincidence!"

Sarah nudged Brooke. She could tell Olivia was faking a bit of the enthusiasm.

"We're about to eat dinner. Would you like to join us?"

To everyone's relief, Jo declined. "The Sullivans were just talking about what lovely neighbors they had," she explained, "and the description sounded suspiciously like you so I thought I'd wander over. Maybe we'll get together later this week. Darren and I are going to be back in the area Friday or Saturday."

"Well, we'll see you then," Olivia said. "You have my number, right?"

"I do, oh, and I mentioned you to Elliot. He was happy to hear you're doing so well."

"Oh, I, uh, didn't know you kept in touch."

"We have," Jo replied with an air of mystery, "On and off. Anyway, he said he was going to give you a call, so don't be surprised. Let's talk next week." Jo waved, "Good meeting you! Have a nice dinner!"

"Thanks," Olivia said. She watched Jo disappear behind the brush and turned to her family. "Are you all okay?"

"We're good," Brooke said, "That was just a little weird."

"Mommy," A bewildered Noah said, "Who was dat lady?" he was okay with random neighbors popping up, but strangers who knew his mother fairly well were unsettling.

"Oh, honey," Olivia crouched and gave him a hug, "I know Jo from police. We saw her the other day when we got flowers and it was a surprise to see her here."

"Is she good or bad?" Noah asked.

"Good," Olivia replied. "She was on our side. The good guy's side."

"Oh, okay," Noah skipped back to the cornhole game, and, from memory, announced the score. "We're almost dere, Brookey! C'mon!"

The yard quickly returned to normal. Olivia wandered back to the porch where Ed was lifting the shellfish off the grill and expertly arranging it next to the steak. He offered Olivia a taste of the chimichurri he'd made. She tasted it and cooed rave reviews.

"So good," she said, "Nice work, Captain."

"That damn internet is the best."

Olivia exhaled, whistling a little, "That was odd...Jo showing up."

Ed shrugged. "Sullivan was a cop. Small town. Small world, really."

"She told Elliot she saw me. That's why he called."

Ed screwed up his face. "They talk?"

"Told ya," Olivia kissed his cheek. "We ready? I'll get the kids in here and cleaned up."

"We're ready." He called for Noah and picked up the twins. "C'mon crew. Time to wash those grubby hands."

Maggie squirmed. "Showuh, Dada!"

"Nope," he said, "Sink'll have to do this time. Next stop, bubbles."

"BUBBLES!"

The trio ran inside, their arms wildly flailing around, elated at the simple thrill of the lavender and mint scented hand soap. Olivia bumped into Ed and grinned. She didn't have to say anything. It was clear she was in love. With him. With their kids. With their loud, sometimes chaotic life.

…..

At Noah's urging, Maggie asked to talk to her Mom alone when she got home from school. He'd had his own reckoning with details from Olivia's past, and, though he hadn't been instructed to keep anything from his siblings, he instinctively knew this was a conversation his Mother needed to lead. As she waded her way through middle school, Maggie often asked to talk privately, so Olivia wasn't alarmed at first. But when she saw her daughter's wide, frightened eyes, knots formed in her stomach. Maggie explained the project, her idea, and, what she had found. Olivia listened with a sympathetic expression, wishing her industrious daughter had not decided to start on the project from school the very day it had been assigned.

"Honey, all police officers experience terrible things at least once in their careers," Olivia began after she'd given Maggie a reassuring hug, "I worked in a special unit and we had to go after very dangerous people, some of the most dangerous in the country, maybe the world, and sometimes I was in harm's way."

"Did those guys hurt you?" Maggie asked.

Olivia brushed aside a few strands of Maggie's brown hair. "Some of them did," she answered honestly, "But more of them hurt other people."

"You got hurt trying to help them?"

"Yes."

"Could you get hurt at the Benson Center?"

Olivia put her arm around Maggie's shoulders and kissed the side of her head. "The Benson Center isn't dangerous. It's where people go to heal. And we take extra care to make it kind of hidden, you know how there's no sign or anything? We do that so people going in and out can be as anonymous as possible. And as safe as possible."

Maggie's mood brightened. "I'm not going to use the bad stuff in my project, okay? Just the good stuff."

"I think that's the way to go."

Maggie grinned and started shuffling out of the room. She stopped before opening the door. "Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Was it worth it?"

"Getting hurt?"

"Yeah."

Olivia took a deep breath and glanced upward. "There were a few times I didn't think it was," she said, "But, yes. It was all worth it. But I'm also glad it's over. I wouldn't want to get hurt like that again."

"Good thing you're retired then," Maggie said with a grin.

"You are so right. Hey, sweetie, can I see your project when you're done?"

"Yep," Maggie said, "I won't turn it in until you do. And I'm the only one probably who's profiling someone who's alive or who's really close to them, so you might have to come in and do a talk," Maggie added with a giggle.

Shocked her young teenager was essentially inviting her to school, Olivia eagerly accepted. "You name the date," she said, "And I'll be there."

….

The fire blazed and crackled and, as people sitting around a fire usually do, everyone paused at different times to stare contemplatively into the flames. Each kid was parked in an adult lap and patiently waiting for it to be time for s'mores.

"I cannot say enough about how perfect this weather has been," Brooke said, "Not too hot during the day and cool at night, perfect for a fire. I love it."

"So do I," G said, "I was thinking the same thing."

"Ed, dinner was amazing," Justin said, "Your best yet."

"Thanks," Ed's chest puffed up with pride and he swigged his beer. Olivia reached over to hold his hand for a second. He smirked and strained across the space between them for a kiss.

"Daddy," Noah said, "When I get eight can I do da grill?"

"Sure bud. Next summer."

"Thanks," he replied, "I know howta turn it on but I don't know when da food's done!"

"Noey, if you overcook my steak I shall cry for days."

"Sare Bear," Noah said, "It jus' has to feel like dis!" He contorted his fingers in the way Ed had taught him. Everyone, Olivia included, doubted his method was as reliable as a meat thermometer, but they never complained about their steak's doneness.

"Right," Sarah said.

"Grandma does it that way," Brooke said.

"Oh! Speaking of Grandma! Is she back from Atlantic City?" Sarah grabbed her phone and checked Caroline's location-a feature Caroline did not know had been activated. "Nope. Still there. I hope she's not spending all the family fortune."

"We have a fortune, Sare Bear?" Noah asked.

"Yes, Noey. Riches upon riches."

"Like at da end of da rainbow?"

"Exactly."

Olivia scanned the circle of faces before her. Sofia was nearly asleep in Sonny's arms. Maggie was perched on the edge of Justin's chair. Wyatt had cuddled in at G's side and was playing with a toy car. Noah, unable to sit still, drifted among the chairs. Everyone looked so happy. She wished she could bottle it all.

"Gosh, you guys," Brooke said, "We have to start thinking about the reunion in August. The invitations have been sent. We better have, um, something other than, well, what do we have?" She glanced at G who had given her some catering recommendations and also some suggestions from other family events she'd planned early in her career.

"Golf," G said, "And the cruise."

"Yep, yep, that's right!" Brooke grinned.

"How are you doing on RSVPs?" G asked, "You'll need to maybe downgrade the size of the boat, the food, if not everyone is paying."

"About eighty percent," Brooke reported after checking her app. "And it closes at the end of next week."

"Do we know everyone?" Ed asked.

"I think so," Brooke replied, "Grandma helped me make the list. The only people unfamiliar to me were the California people and they're coming, so, cool, I think it's gonna be good. About forty people total. Hotels booked. Hopefully we all can stay here? I forgot to ask that question…"

"Of course you're staying here," Olivia said. "I'm so looking forward to this." She gazed at Ed well aware of how thrilled he was to be able to show off his family to everyone who thought his divorce was the end for him.

"Forty people," Noah murmured as he wandered around, "Dat's a lotta Tuckers!" He screwed up his face and skipped to Olivia, "Mommy? Are da Bensons comin?"

Ed's entire body clenched and everything froze for him, but Olivia deftly handled Noah's question.

"Honey, this is a Tucker reunion," Olivia explained, "Just Tuckers. But, Mommy came from a really small family. Daddy has a huge family...as the Irish often have," she added with a twinkle in her eye.

"Da Irish like a lotta people," Noah said sagely.

"Yes they do."

Noah began to trot away but jump stopped and returned to Olivia. "You glad you're a Tucker, Mommy?"

"Yes I am."

Noah giggled, "So am I."

….

Ed whistled while he put the finishing touches on dinner in his small kitchen. Or, rather, he was arranging toppings in bowls so he, Olivia, and Noah could make their own individual mini pizzas. For some reason his daughter Sarah had gifted him a pizza stone for Father's Day, so he figured he'd at least use the accessory as an excuse to have Olivia and Noah over for a date. His guests were currently playing with trains and cars on his living room floor. Olivia was sipping a glass of her favorite wine and sitting with her back against the sofa, sending the locomotives and tiny sports cars back to her son after he shot them to her from the opposite side of the room.

After approving and admiring the setup on the counter, Ed grabbed his own glass of wine and sat down next to Olivia. A surge of warmth flew up and down his body when she inched closer so their bodies were touching.

"Noah," she prompted, "Tell Ed what you just told me."

"Guh'raytrack!"

"Yes!" She exclaimed, smiling broadly, "Ed's floor is a great racetrack! They don't quite roll this well on ours."

"You'll have to come over more often then," Ed replied and immediately shook his head in embarrassment, "Sorry. That was, uh, pretty cliche."

"A little," Olivia teased and kissed him on the cheek, "But I like this version of you. Actually, I like you."

Ed blushed but kept his cool. "You mean you're not just using me for my pizza stone?" He joked.

"It is a very attractive piece of kitchen equipment," Olivia replied, "But no." They traded a few pecks on the lips and Olivia's eyes drifted back to Noah. He was clad in jeans and a navy blue hoodie and carefully lining up the fleet of cars slated for the next run across Ed's pine floors. "This is a good night," she sighed and started to add another sentence, but Ed stopped her.

"No, no," he interrupted, "Don't say the Q-word."

In an exaggerated manner, Olivia put her hand over her mouth. "See? I am officially, totally, in another place with you, here. So much so I almost broke a cardinal rule. Thank you for saving the night. You're a hero."

Ed could very well have been overthinking, but her words, to him, were loaded with subtexts and implied meaning and he nearly burst into pieces of enamored bliss. At a loss for words, he gave Noah an extra affectionate bear hug when the little boy jumped into his lap.

"PiYAH, Ed!" Noah said, his face full of all the hope in the world. "PEEEEEEYAH!"

"Yup," Ed replied, "The pizza's ready for us. You ready to make yours?"

Noah nodded.

"Alright. Let's do it." Ed tried to set Noah aside before he stood up, but Noah was not having it.

"Ed carry," he said insistently.

"Okay, bud," Ed rose to a standing position, wine glass in hand and Noah hanging from his neck.

Olivia patted Ed's back and winked, "You're a popular guy tonight, Ed Tucker," she said.

"Yeah," he replied doing his best to appear appropriately sexy for the moment "Pizza stones will do that."

Olivia doubled over in loud, raucous laughter, and Ed was sure this day was the best day of his life.

….

The s'mores were quickly made and quickly gobbled up and the kids were elated when Ed let them rinse off the remnants in the hot tub. Olivia shook her head and admonished her husband, warning that the filter wasn't meant to be a garbage disposal for graham crackers and chocolate, but Ed lovingly shrugged off the concern and promised he'd fix any permanent damage. The kids whined and fussed about going to bed and even Sofia joined in, which was so unexpected and funny it served to cow Noah and the twins. "We found their kryptonite," Sarah said, "An aggressive Sofia."

The rest of the night was spent around the fire. At one point, Justin ran inside and came back with a bottle of tequila from a small distillery in Mexico and offered everyone a pour. He didn't necessarily have to twist anyone's arm, but he mentioned that the liquor was smooth, almost sweet, and unlike any tequila they'd ever had. "To family," he said, flashing his gap-toothed grin, "You all are the best."

Everyone echoed the toast and Ed added to it.

"Justin, man, I want to thank you for being exactly the kind of partner my daughter needs," he took another sip of the tequila, "And, damn, this is good." Everyone laughed and he waited for them to quiet down before continuing. "Sonny, same for you. You didn't bring the best tequila I've ever had, but you've brought happiness to my daughter." He raised the glass and took a sip. "G, what can we say? You're the neighbor we never knew we needed. Thank you for being our friend and taking such good care of the kids. You're the perfect example of why family should never, ever, be defined by blood."

A stunned silence ensued. Nobody was surprised G was considered family, but having Ed be the one verbalizing it was a shocker.

He kept going. "Sarah and Brooke, you are the best daughters I could have asked for and I know you never expected to become big sisters to three little kids, but you've been that and more. You've grown up to be beautiful, smart, funny, kind women, and I couldn't have asked for more." He then turned to Olivia, "Liv. My wife. My life. I need a whole new language to explain how much I love you." He kissed her hand, "Cheers, baby."

"Cheers," she managed to whisper back.

"Whoa," Sarah said after a few seconds, "That was deeper than I thought tonight was going to be."

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"I really hope that's not an omen," Brooke said.

"It's not," Sonny said, "We all get a storm every now and again. It's a matter of how you handle it."

"Very...existential," Sarah said.

Sonny lifted his glass and said, "This helps."

Everyone cracked up. The comment was far more amusing than it should have been and served as a segue to less serious topics. After a tequila refill, Ed and Olivia excused themselves for the night, leaving the others to debate whether or not to jump in the hot tub before the rain moved in.

….

Upstairs in the master bathroom, Ed watched Olivia through the mirror as they brushed their teeth and splashed water on their faces. She dried off, noticed him staring, and, with the towel still at her chin, droned, "Yeeees?"

He smiled sweetly and leaned against the vanity with his back to the sink. "I felt bad for ya today, when Noah talked about the reunion and there being a lot of Tuckers-"

"-and not so many Bensons."

"Right."

Olivia tossed the towel aside and took a deep breath. "I"m used to it by now, Ed. My whole life it was me and my mom. And then just me. It's not...anything to feel bad or guilty about, it's just that my story is much different from yours, or, it was until a few years ago." She grinned and kissed him, "Now it's our story."

Ed returned her sweet smile. "I know," he said softly. "And I love that it is. But, uh, how hard is it for you to not have your mom here?"

Olivia's face fell. "Good question," she said. "I'm not sure how hard it really is because-and this is going to sound awful-if she were still alive and still drinking, I don't know that our lives would be any different. I couldn't have her around the kids. I don't know how our lives would have unfolded. I do wish she could see me so happy, to know there is a man named Ed and three children who are everything to me. I wish she could see me as a mom...as something other than the dogged detective she knew. Under all her demons, I know she loved me and she worried about me. I hope she's resting easy knowing she doesn't have to worry. Not anymore."

Ed wrapped Olivia in a tight embrace. "I love you, Liv," he said softly. "Every single part of you. I love it all."

Tears burned in Olivia's eyes. Truth be told, she felt worse about being totally unaffected by Noah's question. It had impacted Ed more than anyone. But, then again, maybe her lack of emotion was a good sign. For so many years she'd wrestled with guilt, anger, and confusion related to her relationship with her mother, but now she could sum up Serena's absence merely as an unfortunate missed opportunity. And even the "opportunity" part would not have been guaranteed.

"I couldn't ask for a more supportive husband," Olivia said as she angled her head backward, "Thank you, Ed."

He kissed her a few times on the lips. "You know you don't have to thank me."

"Yes," she said, "But sometimes, I want to, because...it's so true...you don't have the words to express how much you love me? I'm in the same boat with how grateful I am for you."

"Well," Ed replied, his face contorting into the familiar cocky smirk, "Let's not make ourselves suffer obsessing over words."

Olivia clasped her hands at the nape of his neck. "You're right," she said, "We don't deserve that at all."

"No we do not."

…..

#Tuckson