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"I missed my period. But I'm almost scared to test myself," Ruby hummed. She reclined back and pursed her pink full lips in thought as she shared. I liked how she shared. I thought it was crazy powerful. I didn't share like she did but I wanted to.

"Why?" I wondered. "I don't really get it," I confessed. I tried to share.

"I think I do. It's a big commitment," Weiss murmured from her seat on the sofa.

"She asked for this. You asked me to knock you up," I disagreed. "She knows it's a big commitment. Test yourself. Be sure."

"It makes me nervous. Okay?" Ruby protested.

"You… you don't get to be nervous. You're baby crazy," I accused. I sat down on the sofa across from Ruby and Weiss.

"I'm not baby crazy!"

"You are a little, Ruby," Weiss pointed out. "You're a little baby crazy."

"They're going to be so cute! How cute will they be? Super cute! Our babies will be adorable."

"So test yourself. It won't change whether you're pregnant or not," I broke her down. "We will just know."

"I'm pretty sure. I missed my cycle," Ruby mumbled. "Why else would I miss my cycle? I'm pregnant," she decided.

"Okay?" I paused. "Then don't test yourself. You sound pretty certain."

"But I want to know!" Ruby exclaimed.

"You…" I trailed. "It sounds like you don't know what you want."

"Ugh! Weiss, help me out," Ruby whined. She collapsed into the sofa beside Weiss and Weiss stroked her hair.

"I can't. He's got you in a corner. I get it. You like the mystery. But at some point you're going to want to do an ultrasound. Just to confirm the baby's health. You're going to miss your next cycle too. Right? So you really should go ahead and test yourself."

"But I'm scared! I'm nervous about it."

"But you also really want to be pregnant," Weiss said. "Right? So you can have your little baby all swaddled up and in your arms."

"They'll be so cute! And they will need little clothes. And I'll get to wrap them up and hold them and kiss their faces. My babies!"

"So…" I trailed. "Don't test yourself?" I hazarded a guess.

"But didn't you hear me?" She wondered. "I want to know and I want to be pregnant. I want to be holding our baby already!"

"You still have most of a year," Weiss pointed out. She got up and waddled her pregnant body to the kitchen for a glass of water. I really wish she'd just ask me to get her water if she wanted water. I'd do it for free. For less than free. Just ask me. I hated watching her waddle around. She was too graceful for it. I laughed.

"Maybe if I hold off on testing myself and the ultrasound, it'll go by faster."

"Ruby," Weiss intoned. "You're going to want that first ultrasound for the heartbeat and overall health. You're going to want the second ultrasound for the sex and to make sure the baby is developing well. You should test yourself. We'll do it together if you want."

"No… I can do it…" Ruby moaned.

"Okay," Weiss nodded.

"Then… what are you waiting for?" I wondered.

"I'll do it when I'm good and ready!" Ruby pointed an angry finger at me. "Don't push me!"

"Okay, fuck," I raised my hands in surrender.

"I'm sorry. I just want to be pretty far along," Ruby whined. "I want my baby to be all swaddled in my arms. They'll be so adorable. With their little toes and hands. All nice and warm and loved on."

"What are you going to name them?" Weiss asked. She walked back from the kitchen. I seriously would have brought her water. She was eight months pregnant. She just had to be independent. Fuck me. She'd been a saint all through her pregnancy. I wanted to be doing more for her but she really didn't give me much opportunity.

"I would have brought you water!" I shouted.

"Me?" Weiss asked.

"Yes you. I would have brought you a glass of water if you would have just asked me to bring you one."

"I can get my own water."

"Ask me for stuff. It's why I'm here. If you don't ask me for stuff why do I bother?"

"What do you want to name your baby, Ruby." Weiss asked. She was done with me being offronted.

"I don't know!" Ruby bemoaned. "Citron if they take after him. Cherry if they take my color scheme. But it depends on whether they are a boy or girl. Doesn't it? You're going with Nebel. And that's pretty. For your son."

"Our oldest," Weiss murmured.

"For, and I'm using it for distinguishing purposes, for your first. Rather than my first," Ruby clarified. "If your first is going to be older, then I want a little girl as my first."

They might be doing that dance for my sake. I couldn't be sure.

"Okay," Weiss granted. And she might not see a difference. I couldn't be sure. I think that's how she wanted it. For me not able to tell.

"But I want my first to be a girl. Someone for your boy to look after. Just to get the practice in."

"At that point he'll be too young and she'll be too old." Weiss professed. Like she was committing some sin.

"But do you know what I mean by I want a daughter?" Ruby wondered.

"Only if you know what I mean by I want a son," Weiss returned.

"Yeah. Exactly," Ruby said.

"I don't get it." I decided. "I don't."

"You wouldn't get it. You're too much of a guy," Ruby decided."And that's my fault I married too much of a guy."

"I'm tryin' to get it," I protested.

"But you just don't in a way that I find difficult to contest. And it's because you're so sweet. If you were harder than I could," Ruby said.

"Why is my sweetness a problem?"

"Because if you weren't a honey I could try."

"I'm… I don't get it," I murmured.

"But it's not your fault. And I probably wouldn't love you if you did."

"Okay." I managed. "So what do I do?"

"You love on me as best as you are able," Ruby informed me. "I'll let you fetch water for me when I'm far along. Don't worry."

"Thank you. Thank you Ruby," I said pointedly.

"I can get my own water!" Weiss exclaimed.

"Barely," I muttered. "Let me take care of you. What's my contribution to the life cycle if you don't let me take care of you? I hate watching you waddle around. Let me fetch stupid bullshit for you."

"Would that make you happy?" Weiss demanded.

"Weiss, you know me better than that. But it would be a contribution to look after you a little. Would it kill you to let me look after you? Let me play my role. Let me be a good husband to my pregnant wife. Let me bring you stupid little bullshit."

"Are you thankful that you won't have to endure a dual pregnancy? How would you survive?" Weiss wondered. "Imagine both of us not letting you 'contribute.'"

"That would be rough. Let me love on you. I hate watching you walk around."

"What's wrong with the way I walk?" Weiss demanded. "You brought it up twice now."

"You waddle…" Ruby mumbled.

"It's not very Weiss and kills me a little to see you like that. Ask me to get you things so you don't have to get up."

"I do not waddle," Weiss denied.

"You do a little," Ruby disagreed. "He's right. It's not Weiss of you but you do have some swing to your walk."

"I have a baby on board!" Weiss gasped.

"Which is why I will wait on you hand and foot. Just give me a chance," I cut in. "I know you like being little miss independent but just during this final stretch. Let me do stupid things for you. Even though we all know you can do them. Because you have a baby on board. Because you waddle. You can't help it so I should help you. Please? If not for yourself then do it for me."

Weiss sighed and rubbed her belly where the baby grew gently inside her. She had a baby in her body. And that was something her body just does. She held out her empty glass of water in my direction. I got up and took it from her. Then I made my way around to the kitchen.

"Not from the sink! From the fridge!" Weiss hollered at me. I paused where I was about to fill up the glass from the sink. I made my way over to the fridge and used the tap there.

"Now you're just asking too much!" I shouted with a laugh in my voice.

"Oh psh!" Ruby scoffed. "Don't joke about that because we will ask too much of you. You need to learn to say 'no' to us."

I walked back into the living room with the glass in my hand. I handed it over to Weiss. Weiss didn't really get cravings. She liked pasta. But I think she just liked it. And when Ruby made brownies recently she scoffed down quite a lot of the chocolate treats. But Ruby could make a mean brownie. How did she salt them just right? So that wasn't fair either. I grilled up some onions for fajitas a few days ago and that made Weiss nauseous so I cooked up something else but no real cravings. Just the opposite of a craving. What's the opposite of a hankering?

She'd had that. Whatever that was.

I plopped back down on the couch. Having done my contribution.

"Satisfied?" Weiss asked.

"Not really. You're still doing all the work and I can't help in any meaningful fashion. Do you feel me?"

Weiss shrugged daintily and nodded.

"What could you be doing to help though?" Ruby wondered. "We do all the baby growing."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"So what do you want from yourself?" Ruby pressed on. She was unrelenting in her curiosity.

"I'm not really sure. I'd like to do more than come one time. I'd like to add more to the circle of life than what I do. And maybe that's selfish. Maybe I should shut up and do what little I can do without complaining. But I feel so…" I trailed off.

"Inadequate?" Weiss supplied.

"Yeah. I mean. You're making a baby. And that's mind blowing. And it's difficult. And I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs. Sure. I cook you dinner."

"You also work all day," Ruby pointed out. "What more can you really do?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know. More than this?"

"You have uterus envy," Weiss diagnosed.

"I don't really think I'd go that far," I disagreed. "I just want to help you. But I can't really do anything. Not anything truly meaningful."

"Just wait until your son is born. There will be plenty to do then. You can make up for this lack once Nebel is out and breathing," Weiss said. "Changing diapers and sleepless nights. Lots of crying. You'll get tired of helping then. There's still so much work to do once the baby is born."

"Well my sleep schedule is pretty much erratic already. I'm glad to hear that won't be changing."

"You stop breathing sometimes. And I wait and I wait and I wait for you to breath. And I wait too long. Way too often," Ruby spoke quietly and brushed her bangs back.

"Well what can I do about it?" I wondered.

"Breath," they said together.

"Yeah. Let me just," I shot back. "It's a fucking miracle I function as well as I do. I should be a gibbering mess. And if I had a Lien for every doctor I saw who said something like 'well you're not schizophrenic' And they emphasize 'schizophrenic.' But they really are just guessing at what's wrong with me. Because I'm not delusional but I have psychosis."

"And that's frustrating," Weiss interpreted.

"Yeah. It must be hard," Ruby agreed.

"Well I'm left wondering what they are really treating."

"Well the psychosis," Weiss pointed out.

"Yeah. And I hope my kids don't get any of that. I worry about it a lot. Like what if my psychosis is genetic and gets passed on even if my connection to Salem didn't. Because you can't treat Salem. You just can't. You can treat my hallucinations and delusions but Salem isn't treatable. Because she's real. She actually exists and has a back door into my head. Can't treat that? Can you?"

"I don't know. You're doing better, aren't you?" Weiss demanded.

"Yeah. Like, are you happy? Are you okay?" Ruby wondered.

"I'm not sure because he acts a little bit better but is that out of obligation to us or is it him really taking care of himself?" Weiss wondered.

"It's both…" I trailed. "I could be higher functioning. I could breathe while I sleep. But I'm okay. I'm happier here now with you two than I have been at any point in my life. So there's that. I love you both. Weiss!" She got up with her empty glass in her hand. She sighed.

"I'm going to the bathroom but yes you can also get me another glass." I took it from her and walked into the kitchen and refilled it. I set it on the end table where Weiss was sitting. Ruby leaned over and took my hand.

"I worry about you. And I worry I ask you for too much…" She mumbled.

"You don't, Rubes. My little sweetheart." I kissed her cheeks and bent down. I stood back up. "You could stand to ask me for more. You know what I mean?"

"You know what I mean though?" Ruby whined.

"Test yourself. So we know. Do it for me," I fired.

She whimpered. "Oh…"

"Or don't? Whatever is convenient for you. I love ya too much. You could never ask me for too much. I'm worried about you not asking enough from me. Like, let me contribute and add to your existence any way I can. Let me be the best husband I can be. Because I will try."

Weiss rejoined us. She waddled her way over to her sofa. She picked up her drink and cupped it in both hands and twirled in a Weiss like fashion before sitting.

"She's so extra," Ruby purred.

"I know. I love it," I agreed.

"Me? Why am I extra?" Weiss demanded.

"You just is!" Ruby hummed and kissed her cheeks. Weiss rubbed her cheek where Ruby kissed her. Poor touch starved little darling. She stroked her tummy and gasped a little. "Is he kicking?" Ruby wondered. Ruby reached over and ran her hand next to Weiss's. "Oh! I felt that one!"

"Yeah. He's extra feisty today. I don't know what has got him all stirred up. He sometimes acts up when I sing and whatnot."

"Aw does he? He likes his mommy's voice," Ruby purred again.

"I can't relate," I mumbled.

"Okay? You know what? Anyways I notice then. And he doesn't like really salty foods. He isn't picky but he doesn't like too much salt," Weiss led on.

"Is it… is it just me…" I trailed off my question.

"Okay," Weiss granted. "It's just you. I'm going to say it."

"Go on," Ruby encouraged.

"But isn't birth kinda fucked up? Like growing a baby inside you and pushing it out. Isn't that crazy or a little messed up."

"Stop talkin' to Penny!" Ruby demanded.

"I haven't talked to her since the wedding," I defended.

"Yeah. It's a little cookey," Weiss agreed. "But it's not any more messed up than anything else our bodies do."

"Not you too!" Ruby begged.

"I hear him. I do."

"And we should expect it. Cetra growing Cetra inside of Cetra. If the universe is a fractal," I pointed out.

"Okay…" Ruby hummed. "Is it good or bad?"

"Yeah. It's beautiful and it's terrible. Like it's horrifically painful, dangerous, and a struggle culminating in blood."

"That's awful. Pregnancies are new life," Ruby disagreed.

"They're both. He's saying that they are both," Weiss murmured.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Both. Because it's a fractal. Like the Mandelbrot set or a Julia set. It's like my relationship with my Mother."

"Salem," Weiss corrected.

"That's awful!" Ruby wailed.

"But it's also… fantastic? And it makes me who I am?" I mumbled at a wondering pitch.

"Okay? I guess I can hear that. I still don't really like it."

"Me neither," Weiss agreed with Ruby.

"Well it's what your getting when you hop on board my train. I don't have anything else for you. I just have this beautiful and terrible nightmare fantasy."

"I really don't like this. No talking about this around the babies."

"Okay. I'll struggle in silence."

"Tell us, though," Ruby ordered. "Just not the kids, maybe."

"Yeah. Alright," I agreed.

"Well if you can't tell me if it's more beautiful than it is terrible…" Ruby trailed.

"But he can't by definition," Weiss clarified. "He's saying it's both by a product of its structure."

"Well…" Ruby couldn't decide.

"Yeah. It's both beautiful and terrible. And something horrible is horrific. But something terrible is terrific," I informed her.

"And you said terrible and terrific," Ruby pointed her finger along her teeth in thought.

"I did," I pointed out. "And tell me it's not."

"Hmm," Ruby couldn't decide.

"It is," I went on. "It's beautiful and terrible."

"Just you wait. Until I'm pushing your son out," Weiss hummed.

"I'm sure. I will reevaluate my life."

"You had better," Weiss muddled.

"Well I promise I will," I shot back. "While you're shoving my son into life I will ask 'why am I here?'"

"What?" Ruby wondered.

"That's all I want. You to wonder 'what the fuck,'" Weiss gratified.

"What the fuck? I'm wondering what the fuck," Ruby begged.

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-WG