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I was right about birth.
I really hadn't wanted to be but I was right as I watched Weiss struggle and push and blood and other liquids came out.
I was right about birth.
It was a horrific thing. And Ruby stared for a moment before rushing over and taking Weiss by the hand while I loomed nearby with my arms folded.
I'd done this. It was a terrible bloody struggle to bring new life into this world. I'd inflicted this on Weiss casually in a way. I mean a lot of thought had gone into it but this was all happening because I came inside her one time. And that was pretty fucked up.
Blood poured out of her body but not so much that the doctors and nurses found it concerning. Her body dilated and stretched and I watched the contractions take her and it seemed like they were going to squeeze the life out of her. I don't care what you've seen on TV. Birth is terrible and it all winds up in this ordeal with blood and screaming. Weiss screamed as she delivered my son into this world and a nurse received the baby with the cord still attached. They cleaned the baby off and handed him over to Weiss who looked exhausted and it was all she could do to take the infant in her arms and rock away. They both looked bone dead tired. Both her and the baby.
The baby had her hair. White as snow which I thought was precious and hopefully a good sign. He had my darker eyes though which I didn't think boded well. Weiss cooed down at her little bundle and gently maneuvered him in her arms.
I moved my hand from my face which had been covering my mouth in horror and I walked over to her.
"Little Nebel," she hummed up at me. Her voice sounded hoarse from the screaming.
"Hush now, my darling," I murmured. "You look exhausted." I informed her. "Ruby and I can look after the baby while you get some sleep. You did so well. You've earned some rest." I kissed her gently on the forehead and she looked up at me with tired and beautiful baby blues. Her eyes just fucking were, man. They rocked me.
"Say his name," Weiss demanded. "He isn't 'the baby.' Say his name," she repeated at a whisper.
"Nebel," I did. "My son. Nebel Strife." I did exactly as she commanded me to do. She looked content with that and handed the baby over to me. I took the tiny form in my arms and tucked him into the cradle they formed.
"Aw," Ruby cooed. "You're holding him! How does it feel?"
"I feel…" I trailed off. I felt mostly the same. Gravity still pulled me down to Remnant. But I had Nebel in my arms and I gently rocked him. I felt like something horrible was going to happen. Like I was going to drop the infant and his head was going to smack into the linoleum. I held him a touch tighter to my chest and it must have been visible that I did to Ruby and Weiss because Ruby cooed again which made me look up to see Weiss nodding slowly. She was bleary eyed and seemed to wax and wane with consciousness. Her eyes went half lidded and slowly shut and she curled up onto one side.
I clutched Nebel tighter in my arms. I felt wary but of what? Some kind of attack but nothing pressed through my defenses from my Mother. Saphron didn't come screeching down the halls of the hospital after my newborn son. It was quiet after the rounds and rounds of screaming. It was still.
"Do you want to hold him?" I asked Ruby.
"Oh, can I?" She was already holding out her arms and I passed Nebel along to her with a low chuckle under my breath.
"Oh… he has Weiss's hair. And did you see his eyes?" She begged.
"I did," I agreed.
"He's got his daddy's eyes. Oh, our first born son. I hope he's just like you. In all the ways that really matter," Ruby purred.
"Well, maybe some differences. I've been thinking about it a lot actually. There's quite a bit I don't want him to take from me."
"Honesty, kindness, empathy, loyalty, protectiveness, intelligence. What's wrong with all that?" Ruby demanded.
"In order?" I asked.
She gave me a weary nod.
"It fucking hurts. It fucking hurts. It fucking hurts. I'm a fucking dog. I'm a fucking dog. And I'm an over thinker," I answered.
"No swearing," Weiss whimpered tiredly.
Right, right.
"I hear you. It's not easy. But we don't want easy lives for our babies," Ruby informed me. "We want them to be able to handle hard lives. And being like you is a good way to do that. That's one of the things which makes you attractive as a father. Because you've had a harder life than anyone and you're still pushing and going further. That's what we mean. That's why we want our babies to be like you. You can pass that along to our children." She rocked Nebel gently in her arms at a natural born, Gods given, pace which looked comfortable and probably impossible for me to ever try to match. "You can pass all that pessimistic knowledge along and really save their little souls."
I sighed heavily and stared at Nebel.
"For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all. Infinite in distance and unbound by death, I release your soul, and by my shoulder, protect thee." I unleashed my son's little blonde aura into the world. His soul was so pale with little soft blue lights. I tasted him and he tasted delicious. I took three steps back and away. He tasted like carmel over vanilla ice cream.
"Was that wise?" Ruby wondered.
"Better he have it. Better he be able to make the choice himself. Better he have a little cushion of protection in this harsh, harsh world." I wasn't asking what she thought. If Ruby disagreed with me, then she was wrong. If Weiss disagreed with me, then she was wrong. My son. It was my responsibility.
Let this be my first act as father besides cradling Nebel in my arms. I was alright with that order. First I held him up and then I brought his soul into this world. Aura was the ability to choose and I wanted my son to have options.
"What did he do?" Weiss whined with her eyes closed and curled up on her side.
"He unlocked Nebel's aura," Ruby whispered back. "He seems pretty sure that it was the right thing to do."
Weiss mumbled absently and groaned.
"It was the right thing to do," I defended. "I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't sure." I took a seat in one of the chairs around the little hospital room with beige walls.
"It's just… what if he doesn't want it?" Ruby wondered. And it was in that moment I saw where she would be weak as a mother. She didn't have a firm hand. She was always putting herself in their shoes and that was strong. But some decisions you needed to make as loving parents against your child's will. It wasn't about what Nebel would want. It was about giving him the most options and keeping him safe.
"Not a choice. Not this. If he doesn't want to be a hunter, I think that's fantastic. But he will have aura. It does nothing but keep him safe and give him options. It's not his choice."
"But it makes you an empath!" Ruby protested.
"I thought you liked that," I shot back.
"Not all the time," she whined.
"It hurts but I never promised my son an easy life. I, by the very nature of my own existence, can only promise pain and hardship. I don't have anything else to give and I don't know how to be a good father without that element. I have to be hard on him. Because you won't," I accused and I let enough venom into my words and aura that Ruby flinched and our son stirred in her arms.
"I don't…" She stammered.
"Will you?" I demanded.
She looked away.
"I have to be the bad guy. Don't I? I have to take the stern hand. Because you're too meek and mild and I love that about you. I do. I really, really do. But because you're so tender and sweet I have make the hard decisions. When it comes to punishing our son who are you both going to turn to? Me. You want me to be the bad guy," I spat. "So I'm going to. And it will be for the best."
"I don't want you to be distant…" Ruby went on.
"But I'm not my children's friend. I'm their father."
"Can't it be both?" She wondered.
"No," I let the word drip from my lips and she flinched again. "Maybe your dad pulled that off. I can't. I'm not that slick. I also don't think he did pull that off even if he tried to. I think he failed and hurt you and was negligent in his responsibilities to you if he even tried to be your friend. But I don't get that feel off of Taiyang. I don't think he tried. I think he knew when he needed to be stern while also being emotionally available to you."
The baby warbled out an almost word. He stretched his little hand up and touched Ruby's face. Ruby pushed his hand down and softly hummed down at the baby she still rocked.
"We're in your hands," Ruby decided. "If you say that's for the best and seem so sure I'll bow to your wisdom. I can't even remember what it was like before my aura was unlocked. You are so precious! You is!"
"Neither can I, really," I confessed. I'd lived for such a short time without it and for so comparatively long with it. Pound for pound I'd had my aura unlocked longer than anybody except maybe Penny. And if you're comparing yourself to Penny out of youthfulness you know that you're in it deep. You're in the first or ninety-ninth percentile.
Nebel reached out and grabbed Ruby's finger with his tiny right hand. Her little finger seemed massive compared with how small he was.
"He looks like you," Ruby informed me. She stared down into the infant's face lovingly.
"Does he?" I glanced over at my son's face. I couldn't see me in him at all.
"Around the cheeks and in his jaw. Same shape," Ruby went on. She glanced over at me. From my vantage point I couldn't really see his face super well but it was etched into my mind like a clay tablet.
"I see Weiss," I admitted. "In his nose shape. And-"
Weiss gently stirred and shifted around our whispering conversation.
"And the hair," Ruby agreed. "Who's mama's little sweetheart? Will you say mama first or dadda?"
"Isn't talking a long ways off?" I wondered.
"Not so long. Not really," Ruby disagreed this time.
I stood up and walked behind Ruby. She cradled our son at her bosom and I wrapped my arms around her pregnant waist and pulled her close to me. She leaned back and rubbed her cheek into my chest and then when I bent low she nuzzled my face. Then she lifted Nebel up and rubbed her cheek against his little face and he whimpered in protest.
"No, you like it," Ruby demanded drawing out the word 'no.' "You like it. It's okay. Let me nuzzle your itty-bitty face with mine. Let me love on you. It's okay. You like it."
"What if he doesn't?" I asked from behind her.
"I'm sure he'll let me know. And a bit louder than that. Let me have this. Let me mush our baby's face into mine and love him."
"You poor sweetheart. What are you going to do once he's able to talk. If he's anything like me he won't appreciate his mama being up in his grill all the time."
"Okay your relationship with your mother is… okay? It's bad. I want to have a healthy relationship with our babies."
"I didn't mean that. I meant that I just wouldn't appreciate being touched without my permission."
"But he's my baby! I need to touch his face. You try it. Nuzzle his face!"
"No," I shot back. "He didn't like it."
"This isn't about what he would like. I'm doing it for his own good. Like you unlocking his aura."
"No you're fuckin' not."
"Language! Babies are sponges."
"Don't… don't change the subject."
"Don't swear," Ruby shot back. "I wouldn't need to if you didn't swear. Just try it. He smells so good. He smells like our baby. It's so precious. Who's mama's little champ. You're going to be a mighty warrior. I can feel it."
"What if that's not what he wants to do?" I protested.
"It will be. He has you and me and Weiss as role models. He's a fighter. Just look at him. Smell your son!"
"Kinda weird. Does he have that new baby smell?"
"Oh psh, don't be like that. He smells good. He smells like our baby. Our baby! I can't wait to deliver one of my own. I'm going to be so proud."
"He is your own," I pointed out.
"I meant to actually," She waved a hand past her genitals. "You know? Not that Nebel isn't my son. Of course he is my son. Of course he is. But I want to push one out too."
"You want that? Women," I breathed.
"What?"
"Did you not see how horrific that was?" I wondered.
"It was so beautiful!"
"It was so not! It was so not, Rubes. And you want to do that four times? Come on. Level with me. That looked fu- incredibly awful. It did. Didn't it. It's like this terrible struggle of bringing new life into the world."
"But that new life…" Ruby whispered. "It's so beautiful. That new life is."
"You guys…" Weiss whimpered. We both shut up. Our son was ebbing his was off to sleep and Ruby passed him to me while she left for the bathroom. I was assuming.
"You heard all that? Can't sleep?" I asked Weiss.
"I could if some people were quiet… but yeah. I heard the whole thing. You really think he looks like me."
"So much so," I choked.
"Are you crying?"
"No."
"Are you lying?"
"Y-yes."
"Aw…" she trailed and sat up. It was to see me with tears pouring from my eyes as I hunched over my son on one of the seats. "You are crying. Is it because he looks like me."
"Yes…" I breathed. "He looks so much like you. I want… I want him to take after you in so many ways. I know you want him to be like me but I suffer, Weiss. I suffer. It would be so much better for him if he took after you. I don't want this," I waved a hand around my head. "I don't want this for him. It scares me. It makes me sad. But looking at his little face and seeing how much he looks like you gives me hope."
"I feel the exact same way about seeing him in you. I know you think you have it hard and maybe you really do. But nobody is better at handling it than you. That's all I want. I want him to be able to handle life the way you do."
"On the verge of tears over nothing," I looked away.
"Over holding your son? Yes. That's not nothing. Is it? Is that really nothing to you?" She asked.
"It means so much to me. It's going to break me. Snap me in half. I bend but I never get there in terms of cracking all the way."
"Hold him. Look at him. Let me sleep and we'll talk more in the morning. Okay?" She was consoling me like I pushed a baby out of my body.
"Okay," I croaked.
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-WG