The Wisdom of Edith Carmichael
In New York, by the end of June, those that were involved in the new production of Mary Poppins were able to say that they had almost reached the point where they could say with confidence that the show was ready for its audience to see. It had been decided that they would have six weeks of previews, which was two more than was customary, so that they could hone the performance so much that it gave an opening night to remember. Once Marley was on board, the cast had quickly gelled around the new girl to Broadway, and as a result, unlike in the recent London production, there had been no major fights or walkouts.
For Adam in particular, that closeness was particularly welcome, as he found that New York had changed quite a bit since his college days, and he found that just a little disturbing if he was honest. He knew that it had to happen, but he had not expected some of the things he had seen as institutions, there for as long as anyone could recall, vanish completely without a trace. He fact that Mason and Marley seemed to have adopted him as a big brother made him smile; Cooper had invited him over for dinner several times, as had Nick and Jeff. He had found their little corner of the West Village a great place to live, and had made friends with all of the neighbours, even if he was referred to as that English guy by Kitty.
Evie had been the quickest of the younger folks to take to him, his accent reminding her of the world in which she had grown up, and the good days when she and her dad had been alone and visiting places together. For his part, Adam adored her too, enjoying her company, and that of little Wes too. His place as Uncle Adam was firmly fixed now, and there was no escape.
His closest friend on the street though had to be Lawrence, who he had finally invited for coffee after they had bumped into each other a few more times. He had met Dex and the other young men that shared the second whole house on the street, and he was friendly with them all, but it was Lawrence he had bonded with; they had hit it off straight away, laughing at each other's jokes, and sharing a common interest in geeky sci-fi. It was just a friendship for them both, but Adam had to admit that if it turned into something more then he would not exactly be disappointed…
The growing closeness between Adam and his younger brother had been observed by Dex, and he had to admit that he was conflicted by the whole thing. He had always known that Lawrence would have boyfriends eventually, but he had always pictured them as being closer to him in age than Adam was, and if he was being completely honest, being a citizen of the United States. He knew that relationships with an age gap could work - Mitch and Gideon were a prime example - but it was the fact that there could potentially be a substantial distance between them eventually that made him worry on top of that…. He could not bring himself to broach the subject with his brother, as there was a risk that he had read it wrong, and it could wreck a friendship that his sibling enjoyed, that made him smile. In the end, he decided to call Thad and discuss the situation with him.
The Head Warbler listened patiently, then replied, "I can totally understand why you have worries. Your little brother has been through so much heartache in his life, and it has taken you a long time to bring him back out of the pit of despair that he was living in; you do not want to see him being hurt. However, the thing about life is that some degree of heartache and pain is inevitable, however much we try and avoid placing ourselves and others in that situation. Wrapping Lawrence up in cotton wool will not help him in the long run; he has to be allowed to take his chances, as all of us have to. In any case, I think he is much stronger than he looks; trust me there. In any case, from what you have told me, there is no concrete evidence that either of them are wishing for anything more than a platonic friendship. If and when that changes, then you can play the protective big brother. Of course, if the show is a success, then Adam might well be around long term anyway, either in his current role or in other work."
"My biggest fear about all of this, if I am honest, is that they will fall for each other, and then Adam will spirit him away to England at some point."
"That could happen, but be honest with yourself; if that happened and Lawrence was happy, would that really matter? The two of you cannot stay in each other's pocket forever. You both need to build up separate lives that intersect. That's something you need to think about for yourself…" Dex knew what Thad was hinting at; the fact that he was alone, and did not date or even go out on his own. Maybe now that his little brother was happy, that was something that he needed to think about doing…
That same week also saw a significant moment in the lives of little Wes and Evie, as they prepared to leave kindergarten for the final time. There had been a few tears shed as they bade farewell to classmates and teachers, the latter trying their hardest to avoid crying too, although Wes' teacher did take Jeff aside and admit that she would miss him in particular. "He has what my grandmother used to call an old soul in a young body. He has definitely been here before, if you believe in the whole concept of souls, of course…"
"I do, and I know exactly what you mean. My mother has also remarked that he is much more mature than I was at his age, although I am not sure if her saying that is a good or a bad thing…"
"I would say good in general. He still makes time to play games and he finds making friends really easy. I have seen children his age with the same characteristics that regard doing anything other than reading books a waste of time; although it is good for a child to be well read, there is plenty of time for that in the future."
"Oh, I agree; it is trying to strike the balance that can be so hard."
"Well, you and your husband seem to have found the secret there, whatever it is," she replied, with made Jeff smile.
Nearby, Drew was getting a similar message about Evie, and how her main teacher would miss her cheerful nature, and her ability to compose stories. "Her time at kindergarten in London certainly gave her a good grounding in so many areas; indeed, I would go as far as to say that she is a year ahead of most of her peers. She is a credit to her upbringing, and you in particular. Knowing the whole story of what happened to you in England, it just proves what I have always maintained; a child can thrive in any situation, as long as they have the necessary love and attention…"
So it was that as the month of June drew to its end, the outlook for most of those in New York was hopeful. The summer weather was forecast to be more or less perfect, the future looked rosy for all of them, and those that they loved, and that was all against the backdrop of an election campaign that was not nearly as vicious and vile as that of 2020. In Ohio, however, a different tale was unfolding, a story that was as yet only known to a chosen few. Seth's health had taken another turn for the worse. Having been alleviated for some time by the removal of all things dairy from his diet, his dry mouth issue had now returned with a vengeance. Julia had done her best to give the man she saw as both friend and patient a diet that would circumvent the issues, but now even such simple foods as spaghetti and crustless bread which had been possible for him to eat were causing just as much of an issue.
After suffering through several days were eating was an agonisingly slow process, Seth had finally broken down, fortunately at lunch time when it was just himself and Julia, and had sobbed his heart out in her arms. The next day she had called in Dr Hayden McLeod, and he had spent time examining him carefully. That done, he had sat down with his patient and his primary carer and given the news to them with total honesty.
"When I look at your throat, the lining seems to be scarred, and in addition it looks swollen, which has constricted your oesophagus. I believe that we have reached a stage where the muscles in your throat are being affected in the same way that those in your limbs were. The long and short of it is that at some point you will lose the ability to eat in the normal manner. We are not at that point yet, and there are things we can do to hold that moment off. Having said that, we do need to have a conversation about the use of a feeding tube; not right now, but at some point in the very near future."
"I have complied with most of the treatments and suggestions so far, but that one is the one that I would find difficult to consent to," said Seth, quietly but with force. "A diet of thin soup would be preferable to having a tube forced down my throat on a daily basis."
"The problem with the diet that you have suggested, and I say this with the best will in the world, is that the level of nutrients that such a diet would give you would be far too low to sustain you for very long. As I said, we are not there quite yet, but what I will do is arrange for all of your medications to be delivered from now as liquid suspensions. I'm afraid that there are a few of them that can only be administered intravenously as a result…"
"No! I am not having a drip stand attached to my chair. I do not consent to that, and I will fight against such things until I reach the very end. There has to be another way, and I want it found," snapped Seth, and wheeled himself away, effectively ending the conversation for the day.
After she had seen Hayden out, Julia returned to her patient, finding him sitting in his room, staring out of the window. "I know that you probably think I was being rude and unreasonable to Hayden there, but I just cannot accept the idea of those kind of medical interventions. I guess that I feel that when I do, I am accepting that I am about to die, and I refuse to acknowledge that in such an obvious way; not for my sake, but for the sanity of other people. How do you think Skylar would react to me being fed by you through a tube? To me having a drip attached to me constantly, screwed onto the back of my chair?"
"He would not take it well, that much I do," said Julia with a sigh, sitting down on the bed. "So we need to look for some kind of compromise. I suggest that when and if we do get to that stage, we make your main meal of the day lunch, and ensure that Skylar is not around to see you having it, seven days a week. I can find drinks that are enriched with vitamins and minerals, and give you plenty of juices, both fruit and vegetable. Then there is soy milk, and that sort of thing. As for drugs, well we can crush up those pills for which there is not a liquid substitute that you can swallow, and stir them into a glass of water. Hayden would doubtless disapprove, but it is something we nurses do behind the backs of doctors all the time. What you need to remember Seth is that you are not fighting alone anymore; I am here, in your corner, and we are going to keep on beating this condition for as long as we possibly can."
Seth nodded, and allowed Julia to hug him, but in his mind he could only think one thing; that he was ready to accept his wings. The longer the situation was dragging on, the harder it was becoming, and he was exhausted. He wanted it all to end…
The Independence Day holiday came along, and with it one of Seth's bad days. He woke up to find that his right arm was completely unresponsive, although not numb, and to top it all, he found that he could not even swallow the thin gruel like porridge that was now his breakfast on a daily basis. Julia had done her best to hide that fact, but inevitably Skylar had found out, and he descended into a dark funk of his own, his buoyant holiday spirits crushed in one blow.
It was into this situation that Edith Carmichael stepped that morning. She had been due to come over that day to give Julia the chance to have some time alone with her husband on the holiday, and when she discovered what was happening on her arrival, she took charge. Her first challenge was to go and deal with the despondent Skylar, who was sitting in his study with the curtains drawn and the lights off. She found a chair, and sat down, not even acknowledged by the other occupant of the room. "Seth is a lot like my brother was when he was in the same situation," she began. "He does not want to be a burden to anyone, and what doesn't help him is seeing sad faces and unhappy people. To that end, you need to go out, and take Julia out for some one on one family time…"
"He needs me to be here…" came her sullen reply.
"Here? Shut away in a dark room, moping, face etched with doom and gloom? That is the last thing he needs right now, Mr Willetts, and you know it! If you and Julia are still in this house in twenty minutes, then I will summon Thad and his gavel, and get him to deal with you!"
There was something in her tone that told Skylar that she wasn't going to take no for an answer, and the threat of Thad was still enough to him, particularly if he was bringing Mr Bangy. He got up with as much dignity as he could muster, headed to his bedroom, and changed, then he and Julia headed out for lunch as planned. Having waved them off, Edith steeled herself to deal with something much worse than a distraught yet petulant man. That was facing another young man, that had a big spot in her heart, and who was being destroyed from within by a relentless condition; something that she was facing for the second time in her life…
As she had done with her brother all of those years ago, Edith Carmichael paused at the door to Seth's room, and pulled out her pocket mirror. She checked herself in it, and willed away her sadness, replacing it with her usual smile. Having seen generations of boys come and go at Dalton, and having been there to help so many of them through moments of pain and sorrow, she knew how to act. It did not do to show her own hurt and anguish, but nor was it advisable to go in too jolly. She took a deep breath, smiled, then tapped on Seth's door gently before stepping inside…
The sight that met her eyes nearly broke her resolve, but she was made of stern stuff. Seth was propped up on his bed, fully dressed, his face still marked with tear tracks below eyes that were downcast. It was clear that he was feeling more than a little sorry for himself, and in the circumstances, she could not blame him for that. She headed towards the left hand side of the bed, which now had a chair set on either side; she took a seat, and spoke quietly to him. "I am not even going to ask you how you are feeling right now, as that is obvious to anyone that looks at you…"
Seth replied in a small voice, "Physically things are actually improving; my right hand is starting to work again… Mentally however… I am just so tired of it all. I can't eat properly. I can hardly dress myself. I can barely manage to get around the house even in my chair, and then, this morning…"
Mrs Carmichael nodded, not needing him to explain, aware of what Julia had had to help him with that morning; that as she had done so, he had sobbed his heart out, not even listening to her as she told him it was no problem, all part of her duties as his nurse. The fact was that in having to let her help him with it, he had lost one of the final bits of privacy he had, and along with it, a few more shreds of his dignity.
"My brother James had a really tough time of it as well as he started to deteriorate. He refused help with the same things as you do at first, but then he realised that coping with the aftermath of the inevitable accidents was far worse. At least you have the benefit of it not being a complete stranger that is doing those things for you. It seemed to be a different nurse at the hospital every day towards James' end…" She stopped then, cursing herself inwardly for using that most emotive of three letter words…
To her surprise, Seth suddenly started to laugh. "I'm sorry, but your face… It is okay, I know that I do not have long now; I can feel it. My calorie intake is plummeting each day, my body aches pretty much constantly, and even the simplest of tasks is an effort to achieve now, not that I have admitted that much to anyone until this very moment. If I did not know that it would cost me so much then I probably would have put an end to it all myself by now…"
"James used to say that too; threaten to stockpile his medications and then take all of the painkillers at once. They call it the coward's way out, but as he said, it takes far more guts to act and achieve something rather than just lie back and allow it to happen. In the end, of course, he passed away before he could ever try, assuming that he was being serious…"
Seth was quiet for a moment, then he said, "The one thing that I have been doing is thinking a lot about my end, and what I need to do. We discussed so much last year…"
"…and all of that is in hand, and will happen when the time comes," replied Edith.
"There was one thing that we didn't get done though, one thing that I definitely need to do, and seeing as we have the place to ourselves for a little while, it might be an idea to get it done now. Wes and Blaine were both prepared for the end, and I need to be too. If I dictate my will to you, can you write it down for me, and then I will do my best to sign it. I know that such documents are not as legal as some people might wish, but I have so little to leave really, and what I do have is going to people that will understand why I have done it that way anyway."
"If you are sure and certain of all that you want, then of course I can do that for you. I don't suppose that there is a supply of good writing paper and envelopes in the house though…."
"So many people of my generation would answer that they don't have any, but Skylar has always been a little old-fashioned. He keeps his writing paper and envelopes in the top right hand drawer of his study desk…"
In the end, it did not take long for Seth to dictate all of his bequests. His few personal items were to be shared between Skylar and Edward, his two closest friends, and what little cash he had was going to charity. It was his testament that took longer, his final message to all of his friends. There were poignant moments as he spoke where both he and the lady that was recording his words had to stop to blink away tears, but in the end, that too was finished, and Seth signed both of the documents with a good approximation of his usual signature; his right hand still ached quite considerably, but he fought through the pain to be able to grasp the pen. Within his sight, two envelopes were sealed, and at his request, Mrs Carmichael placed them in her purse, to take them home and store them safely until the time came…
With that task done, Seth decided he should try and get out of bed. As Mrs Carmichael watched, he slowly slid off of the bed, and slipped into his chair. He took a moment, then slowly wheeled himself out of the room, down the hall, and into his usual spot in the sitting room by the French windows. He transferred himself into his battered old wing chair, then sighed as he looked out at the garden.
"When all of the plants have grown in, this garden is going to be even more beautiful than it is now," he remarked as Mrs Carmichael returned from the kitchen with a tray, on which there was a jug of steaming hot tea. As he watched, she spooned an inordinately large amount of honey into it, which would boost the calorie count of the liquid he supposed, although it would also make it so very, very sweet… "I just hope that Skylar doesn't end up hating this house and wanting to move away if I pass here. To that end, if there is any warning that the time is coming, I think that I should check into the hospital. I would rather die there than here in his home, and in that way not even one room of this place will be haunted for him as the one in which I died. I have already said as much to Hayden and Julia, but I think that I might be better in having you and Thad on side too, just to reinforce my wishes to Skylar…"
Edith smiled sadly at him, then nodded. "I will do my best, but I can't promise anything; when that moment will come is not something that any of us can hope to predict, nor should we do so. We just have to take every day as it comes."
"I know… I am sure that this is difficult for you as well, watching me, and I would totally understand if you didn't want to be here. The last thing that I would ever want to do is cause you pain."
"The situation is different to how it was with my brother James. He was stuck in a cold clinical hospital room for so long, and of course, there was only me. Our parents were good people, but my mother just could not bear watching him pass away so slowly, and stayed away. At the time I thought that she was cold-hearted, and she knew that was exactly what I thought. Then Jamie fell ill, and passed away, and I knew what she had been going through. No loving mother can bear to see her child suffer, and she certainly does not wish to see them die in agonising pain. All the same, I would not have strayed from my own son's bedside once they told me that he would not recover…"
"I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this again," Seth whispered.
"Don't be," came his immediate response. "The only people that should be sorry are your so called parents. I have always promised that I would not seek them out and speak to them before you pass away, but afterwards? I make no such promise for then. I know who they are, and where they are, and I will take the greatest pleasure in making them suffer for what they have done to you."
"Well, you do know how I feel about them, but I suppose that once I am gone there will be no harm in letting you speak to them, especially if you will find it a cathartic process…" said Seth with a wry smile.
"It certainly will be," replied Edith Carmichael. "I intend to vent every little bit of anger that I feel about all that has happened to you throughout your life, and trust me, they will not like it one bit!"
Seth started to giggle then as he saw the look that had come across the older woman's normally quite placid face. He might have to ask permission to watch her in full stream from Wes, assuming of course that an angel was allowed to watch such things if it concerned them directly…
With that conversation over, Seth was encouraged to drink some of the tea, and as he had suspected, it was very sweet indeed, a taste he usually would have avoided at all costs. He was quite surprised that after a few drinks, his mouth began to feel much more like it should do, almost as if… He was about to blurt that much out when Mrs Carmichael smiled at him, and said, "How is your mouth feeling? The tea worked for James when he had the same problem, and was a tip given to me by an elderly nurse at the hospital."
"It has worked in the same way, I think, but then there is only one way to find out for absolutely certain, isn't there?" Seth replied.
With a smile, his visitor rose from her chair and headed back into the kitchen, and came back bearing a plate on which was a single thin slice of Devil's Food cake. She set it in front of him, knowing it was a favourite of his, and then handed him a fork with which he could eat it in the most refined of ways. He cut off a tiny piece, then gingerly transferred it to his mouth. He expected to feel his throat constrict, his saliva to turn thick, but it did not, and he managed to eat the entire piece of cake without a problem, tears streaming down his face as he finished it. No bit of cake had ever tasted so good before, and he knew that was largely down to the fact that he had never expected to be able to eat cake again just minutes before…
With the cake gone, Mrs Carmichael smiled, and said, "I will let Julia know about the tea. I doubt that she would even have allowed me to try it had she been here or known, but if it is going to help you, and given we now have proof that it works…"
Seth nodded, then said, "She is such a good nurse, so kind to me. I am so glad that she and Skylar met, and that I insisted on pushing them together. If they hadn't, then I do not know who would be taking care of me right now…"
"Oh, you would have been with me and Aaron at Dalton; that would be non-negotiable. In fact, if there is warning that your time is running short, then maybe our home could be an acceptable place for everyone concerned for you to pass away in, back at the Academy. It would leave this house untainted, but be much more personal than a hospital. I think that I will insist upon such a move in those circumstances…" Seth could only smile, and nod in agreement; he knew better than to argue when she was determined…
When Skylar and Julia arrived home, Mrs Carmichael took the latter aside to tell her all about her experiment with the tea, and to advise her of the plan that she and Seth had agreed upon if they had warning that he would pass away soon. Skylar meanwhile came to sit with his best friend. "You are looking much better than you did earlier. I have said it before, but now I am certain that Mrs Carmichael is a miracle worker!"
"She certainly is," concurred Seth. "I think the fact that she exudes so much love means that you can't help but feel wanted and special. How was your date with your wife?"
"It was good; we had a nice lunch, and then we went for a walk around the reservoir, and well, my child was doing a heck of a lot of kicking today! I still cannot believe that I am going to be a father so soon. Anyway, if you are feeling up to it later on, I thought that we could all go out on the deck later, and watch the fireworks that they were setting up for at the reservoir; we should get a good view of them from here."
"I would like that; I have always had quite a soft spot for Independence Day. The best one ever of course was the first one that I spent with you and your folks, the summer after Hunter altered our lives, but before he began to take his twisted revenge…"
The fireworks that night were indeed spectacular, a display that did the city of Westerville proud. Sitting out on the decking, comfortable in his old wing chair that Skylar had brought out for him, Seth felt quite content. He had drunk more of the very sweet tea that Mrs Carmichael had started him on before dinner, and had managed to eat some chicken along with his pasta that night, as Julia looked on with amazement. It was not even remarked upon by Skylar, but his wife's smile said it all. She was glad that the old trick that she had been so sceptical of was working, and watching Seth eat made her eyes moist. However, that was partly because she was not sure how long the breakthrough would work for. When it failed, he would be devastated again, and that would leave her hurt too… She did not head out to the deck that night, but watched from inside as Seth and her husband sat side by side, as the celebratory fireworks lit up the skies. She saw the joy on her husband's face, and it pleased her, but she couldn't help but wonder for how long it would last, and how soon that joy would be replaced by grief…
In another realm, where the day was not as much of a holiday, a solitary figure sat at their desk in dim light, staring at the paper that was in front of them. They had come to dread the arrival of the list on a Thursday recently, fearing that they would see the pink slip of paper attached, which meant that a name they knew was typed inside. When Emily had brought it through to him, her face had told him all that he needed to know before he even spotted the golden paperclip at the top. He carefully removed it and the pink slip without reading it, setting it face down, not needing to see the name he expected as of yet…
He set to work on the document as usual, scheduling the collections and planning who would do what, ensuring that the staff had adequate rest and were not overworked. It was only as he reached the final page of the document that he realised that he had not come across the name he expected, nor any other he knew; a quick scan of the few names on that final page showed him nothing either. Nevertheless, he finished the work on the list before he turned to the little pink slip…
Wes' heart fell the moment he read the words at the top - Late Adjustment - and broke when he saw the date that accompanied the name he dreaded. Then calmly, but with a trembling hand, he reached for his own appointment diary, and scored out the scheduled meeting he had for that day, before writing a quick note to the person he had been meeting to say he would have to reschedule, as he now had a much more pressing matter to attend to, a collection he had to attend to himself…