A/N: Ok, big day for this story. 1 week anniversary of me posting every day, for one. Also, it's April fool's day 2021! I'm not cruel enough to play a no chapter post prank today, but either way since I didn't have time to finish editing yesterday's full chapter, I will be posting a super long chapter today. Because what better day to laugh out loud like you're insane because of this story than April fool's? Also, anyone who can post cool april fools pranks that they did will get one extra crack fic segment tomorrow. So that's per review with a funny april fools day prank. Anyone who wants more tomorrow, post up!
So… today's theme is Sirius Black pranks! So everything I have written so far about Sirius Black and pranking will be posted! Yay!
Sirius: Lily Potter, stop stealing my jacket!
Lily: Sirius, you steal my hairbrush, husband, sofa, and child on a regular basis. I think I have joint custody of this jacket.
Lily introducing the marauders to her parents:
Lily: Mum, Dad, this is my boyfriend James, and this is james' boyfriend Sirius and this is Sirius' lover Remus. Oh and that;'s peter.
Peter: *waves shyly*
Sirius: He's adopted
pre-Azkaban Sirius Black in a horror movie:
[phone rings (A/N: I know, but pretend)]
Sirius: What's up?
Killer: I see you
Sirius:
Killer:
Sirius:
Killer:
Sirius:
Killer:
Sirius: Do I look good?
Sirius: *writing a letter to James*. Deer James
Lily: It's dear, with an A
Sirius: No it isn't.
Headcanon from pinterest where the specific pet rule exists only because of the marauders.
"Mr. Lupin, is that YOUR rat teasing Mrs. Norris?"
Remus rolls his eyes.
"Mr. Lupin, is that YOUR dog eating Mr. Snape's essay?"
Snape yells, "Help! A dog is eating my homework!"
Remus face palms.
"Mr. Lupin, is that YOUR stag trying to hump a thestral, no it's a hippogriff now?"
Remus buries his head in his arms on the table.
"Mr. Lupin, are those YOUR…"
"YES, MY PET AT, DOG, AND STAG ARE BEST MATES WITH EACH OTHER. YES, IT IS STRANGE. YES, I AM FOLLOWING THEM INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST AND IGNORING ITS NAME IN ORDER TO YELL AT THEM. GOOD DAY TO YOU PROFESSOR!"
Dumbledore: So that's' how it was
Mcgonagall: so sirius black is innocent
Dumbledore: yes
Mcgonagall: And potter black and pettigrew were all animagi while still at hogwarts?
Dumbledore: yes
Mc gonagall: *remembers all the times she remembers she's been on the verge of catching a student out of bed only to find a stag trying to look innocent*
Mcgonagall: *remembers the dog that seemed to turn up whenever she at trying to find sirius black and give him detention*
Mc gonagall: merlin's [bleep]...
Sirius Black's first week as a dog animagus checklist:
Chase around mcgonagall when she's in her animagus form
Eat Snape's homework.
Don't get indigestion or poisoning from eating snape's homework.
Bark at people
Chase around filch's cat ( A/N: not Mrs. Norris)
Make the divination teacher think he's a grimm (A/N: for anybody who wondered why Dumbledore needed to find a new divination teacher, as well as 3 of the instances when a new DADA teacher was needed, coincidentally the 3 years Sirius was an animagus and a student)
Eat some parchment with writing so he can honestly tell mcgonagall a dog ate his homework
Lick Remus from head to toe
Stalk dumbledore in dog form
Stalk Walburga looking like a particularly fearsome Grimm (last time he did that was a day before he went to azkaban, a few days later Walburga did, in fact, die)
Growl at Snape
Eat more of Snape's homework
Wreck the slytherin common room
Lick Remus some more
Bark at McGonagall in cat form and chase her around\
Go to detention in dog form instead of as a human, that way the teachers cannot find Sirius Black, but are still annoying at the black dog he sends to follow them.
Sirius Black Versus the Evil Sorting Hat
"Black, Sirius"
"SLYTHERIN!"
Sirius sits down at the Gryffindor table.
"Mister Black, in case you don't realize, Slytherin is the table with the green decorations. Should Madam Pomphrey check you for color blindness?"
Sirius gasps dramatically. "Are you prejudiced against trans-house students? Professor!"
McGonagall sighs. She already knows this student will cause her more headaches than any other.
Sirius never does go to Slytherin.
"'The Weasley Twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban."
Just a reminder that the Weasley twins bewitched snowballs (as third years) to repeatedly hit Voldemort in the face. They were some hardcore little [bleeeeeep]
Sirius bursts into the common room and slams the door behind him, panicking.
Remus: Merlin's beard, what did you do this time Sirius?
Sirius: Nobody died!
Remus: What kind of answer is that?!
Before Hogwarts, James was largely surrounded by his elderly parents and Sirius was pretty much restricted to his family (forever stuck in victorian times), so it's completely plausible that these eleven year old punks boarded the train with a combined swearing vocabulary limited to that of a prudish eighty-year-old woman. And then they met remus Lupin. I like the welsh swearwolf fanon, if you haven't read any of it, go catch up on some fanfic!
James: Wolf McWerewolf Jr.
Sirius: Son of Wolf McWerewolf Sr.
James: Bitten by norse-myth-wolf mc type-of-wolf the werewolf
Sirius: Are we missing any?
Remus: -_-
Resus: Well, my mum's maiden name is Howell.
James: All hail moony the living coincidence!
James: Werewolf?
Sirius looks around. Points to Remus.
Sirius: Therewolf
Remus:
James and Sirius giggle
Remus: I will kill you both.
Sirius Black likes to pretend he's the hardcore marauder when in reality james has to cut the crusts off his sandwiches and reassure him that his hair ooks nice every ten minutes.
"James, go and get it!"
"BUt lily, it's dark and raining!"
"Go or I'll tell Sirius and Professor McGonagall you're a cat person!"
"LILY, NO!
After running into some acromantula while exploring the forbidden forest
Peter: Just because you said acromantula were extinct
James:; I said mostly extinct
Peter: Mostly extinct is not extinct enough!
Sirius: I see. We'll just have to change the entry in the DADA textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for peter. He likes his monsters really, really, extinct'.
When lily gets mad and starts to scold Sirius for doing something stupid yet again, he transfroms into padfoot.
And she tries to stay mad, curses, but "dammit black, you can't just… of course. You just did."
But then he tilts his head and whines and gives her that face and how can you stay mad at a giant furry lovable dog?
So then she stomps her foot and sighs in frustration and then she laughs and scratches behind his ears and his tail of destruction thumps like mad.
Hogwarts professors getting excited for Teddy Lupin coming to school like his father was well behaved and studious and his mother was a hufflepuff but then realizing he's related to two marauders and was raised by the son of a third and can change his appearance at will and then they're just like oh no….
Remus and Sirius banding together and using their heightened senses of smell to sniff out all the bad bertie botts every flavored beans and putting them in one container and giving them to james. I am so sure this happened at some point.
Lily: So you're all illegal animagi?
Marauders: Yes
Lily: Sirius is a dog, Peter is a rat, and James is a stag?
Sirius: You said my specie backwards
Everyone ignores him because he does this every time.
James: Yes
Lily: What species?
James: Majestic asfuckus
A duel to the death between sirius and some death eaters.
Sirius: Nice family reunion we're having here, isn't it?
"I want Lily to look at me the way Sirius looks at his hair" -james (probably)
And there we go. A full length chapter. This is probably the amount I would have posted over the course of a few weeks and my fingers hurt from typing this up but the hilarity is so worth it. Now if FFN can finally get us a way to post images this will be even better.
And, I'm out. about 1300 word just crack fics. Tomorrows is gonna be even better. Not as long, but even more Funny with a capital F! Don't forget those challengees at the top and keep giggling!