Crowley woke up some time later. He was still curled up on top of the bed sheets next to Aziraphale, who was sat forward, concentrating on the book.
There was a scratching sound. Crowley opened his eyes and saw that Aziraphale was scribbling all over the pages of the book. He had taken his pen from the inside pocket of his waistcoat.
Crowley sat up. It was extremely out of character for Aziraphale to deface a book.
There was a wild, excited look in Aziraphale's eyes. "Oh, you're awake," Aziraphale said, momentarily tearing his eyes away from the pages. "Oh, Crowley, this book is an original copy! The real deal! I didn't think any copies survived! I never thought I'd get to read- I can't even begin to express how rare this book is! It's priceless! Thank you!" He underlined a sentence in the book so hard the paper crinkled.
Aziraphale must have been affected by the Hellfire worse than anyone had thought. He'd clearly lost his mind.
"Angel?" Crowley said gently. "How about you put down the pen…"
Aziraphale wasn't listening. He was reading, a finger running along the line as his mouth moved silently, and then he let out a gasp. He clutched at his chest. "Oh! Crowley! It's talking about us! She knew we would find this book! It says – Open thine eyes to understand. Open thine eyes and rede, I do say, foolish principalitee, for thy demon doth grow concerned for thy sanity." He stopped, frowned, and then stared at Crowley.
"You're scribbling all over a priceless book! Of course I'm concerned!" Crowley said defensively. He shifted closer to the book. "These are real prophesies then?! About us?!"
Crowley glanced around, half expecting to see a time traveller spying on them.
"Well, not just about us. Agnes Nutter was a witch and she saw visions of the future! She talks about the Antichrist, and of Satan's plans. And of a witch and a witchfinder falling in love and averting the apocalypse together."
"Apocalypse?"
"It seems the Antichrist has his own ideas about how he wants to use his powers, and will ignore Satan's wishes. He wants to destroy the world and start over."
Crowley wasn't sure how to feel about this. It was good to know that the Antichrist wasn't going to listen to Satan's plans to destroy all of the angels, but having an apocalypse instead wasn't a great alternative.
"But the witch and witchfinder will stop the apocalypse between them, so it'll be okay?" Crowley asked hopefully.
"That's what the book says. I believe the witch is a descendant of Agnes Nutter – they must have kept the book in the family. But all the same, I'm underlining anything I think will be helpful for Heaven. Once I've finished, I'll show the book to those in charge."
Crowley nodded. Then he tensed, realisation dawning. "I bet bike-girl is that witch! What if she needs the book? What if she can't avert the apocalypse without it?!"
"The book told her to copy out and memorise the prophesies, so I'm sure it's alright. Agnes knew we would come into possession of the book." Aziraphale flicked back a few pages. "The serpent in the grass shalt discover these words."
"I found the book in the grass!"
"Well, there we have it."
They sat together on the bed, reading the book and doing their best to decipher the words written by a witch hundreds of years ago, a witch who didn't understand half of what she saw.
Aziraphale bit his lip. "It says here that the Antichrist will go 'where the iron bird lands no more.' What does that mean?"
"Is she talking about an airplane? Is the Antichrist going on holiday with his family or something?"
"I think airplane is right. But 'lands no more.' Hmm. An abandoned airport? Why would he go to an abandoned airport?"
"He's a kid - he'd go there to play or something. Kids like to explore."
Aziraphale drew a circle around this prophesy. "Our angels must be going to the wrong place. I need to redirect them."
"Satan must be going to the wrong place too. He said Beelzebub and I should meet him at the Antichrist's house. I bet everyone is going to the wrong place. Woah there, angel, careful."
Aziraphale had swung his legs over the side of the bed, and was now attempting to stand up. Crowley leapt out of bed and dashed around to help Aziraphale, who was now standing on shaky legs, the book tucked under his arm as he aimed for the door.
Crowley picked up Aziraphale's brogues from where they had been placed under the bed. "Sit down and let me put your shoes on first."
"There's no time for that," Aziraphale said.
Aziraphale yelped as his legs buckled out from under him. Crowley grabbed him by the arm, steadying him. Crowley took the book from Aziraphale and shoved it under his own arm while still holding the brogues. Aziraphale clung to his free arm as they left the room. He was weak from his injury, but he was still determined.
They found Gabriel sat up in bed, with Beelzebub sat on a chair beside him. Crowley was surprised to see Dagon in the room too. There were only the three of them in the room, the scribe having left.
Beelzebub silently got up and took the book and shoes from Crowley, allowing him to fully support Aziraphale.
"Gabriel, I need to talk to you," Aziraphale said. "It's urgent."
"Take my chair," said Beelzebub, perching on the end of Gabriel's bed.
Crowley helped Aziraphale into the free chair, and then bent down to put his shoes on. He noted that Aziraphale's socks were tartan.
"Is Uriel here?" Aziraphale asked Dagon hopefully.
Dagon shook her head. "No. She's gone to join the army hunting for Satan and the Antichrist. She knows where Adam Young lives. She's leading them to him."
"But Adam's not there," Aziraphale said wretchedly. "He's… Dagon, do you know if there's an abandoned airport in Tadfield?"
"Um. There's the old airbase? Do you mean that?"
"Oh, yes! I bet that's it!"
Gabriel gave Aziraphale a stern look. "What are you jabbering on about?"
"This is a book full of prophesies!" Aziraphale held up the book excitedly.
"I've told you - none of your ridiculous prophesy books are real! Heaven makes sure that any genuine Prophets get so much static they can't-"
"But this prophetess snuck through! She's real!"
"Go back to bed. You need more rest."
Intrigued, Beelzebub had started to read the book over Aziraphale's shoulder. She read a passage out loud. "'And those gathered around the bed have had their roles reversed, the demons able to perform miracles while the angels cannot.' Hey! It's talking about us! This book is legit!"
Gabriel spluttered, his face going red with embarrassment. "It does not say that!"
"It does." Beelzebub took the book from Aziraphale and laid it on Gabriel's lap. He read it, and then sat back, looking defeated.
Aziraphale reached out for the book. "We need to show this to the Metatron."
"I can't let the Metatron see this!" Gabriel said, grabbing the book and holding it away from Aziraphale. "They'll wonder why our demons… you know!"
"We'll just tell them the important bits then. Like where the Antichrist is. I should like to keep hold of this book in order to carry on deciphering the prophesies anyway. I've not quite finished yet."
Gabriel reluctantly handed the book back to Aziraphale, and then grabbed his divine mobile telephone. He looked at Dagon. "If I call Uriel and tell her to go to the old airbase, will she know where I mean?"
"Yeah."
Gabriel called her, but there was no answer. He called a few other angels that he knew would be in the army with her, but none of them picked up. Dagon was biting her fingernails, clearly worried about Uriel.
"I'll try Metatron," Gabriel said after a moment.
"Wait…" said Aziraphale, looking up from the book, his eyes wide. "It says us five should go alone."
"What? To the airbase?" Gabriel asked in disbelief.
Aziraphale nodded.
"But that's ridiculous! We don't even have our powers!"
"Some of us do," Beelzebub said helpfully.
Gabriel glared at her, and then he turned to Aziraphale. "You can barely walk."
"I'll manage," said Aziraphale.
"And I'll help him," Crowley cut in.
Aziraphale smiled at Crowley, and then he turned back to Gabriel. "The book says we are the only ones that can stop the apocalypse. We have to go."
Crowley looked confused. "But what about the witch and the witchfinder?"
"They'll stop nuclear war from destroying the world, but that's not the end of it. We have our part to play too."
"What are we even supposed to do?" Gabriel snapped. "Talk the Antichrist out of it?"
"It just says that our being there will be enough to 'set the world to rights.'"
Aziraphale gave the book to Gabriel. He read over a few paragraphs, sighed and then climbed out of bed. "Fine. Let's go to the teleporter. This Nutter woman had better know what she's on about." He slipped his shoes on, and then he let out a noise of irritation. "But I'm going to have my work cut out for me convincing our lot to allow two injured angels and three demons to go to Tadfield together!"
"I can teleport us," Dagon offered.
Everyone turned to look at her.
"I'm pretty good at it," Dagon said. "I'll be able to get us super close."
Crowley couldn't believe it - Dagon had her powers too!
Gabriel sighed. "Sure. Why not."
R. P. Tyler was marching along with his wife's miniature poodle, Shutzi.
He frowned as he scrutinised a bench at the side of the pavement - it was in dire need of a good lick of paint. He was in the process of mentally composing a strongly worded letter to the local council when five people appeared out of nowhere.
Literally nowhere.
There had been no one stood there a moment ago – and he knew this because he'd been looking at the unruly grass on which they were now stood.
He glowered at them, his fear outweighed by his righteous fury.
"Where are we?" asked a man dressed in grey. "This isn't an airbase."
"Er," said a woman. "I'm sure we're close…" She noticed Tyler. "Oi! Mate! How do we get to the old airbase from here? We're close, right?"
Tyler jutted out his chin and ignored them as he marched away along the path, all but dragging Shutzi behind him. He decided to contact the police when he got home. These people had no business materialising out of nowhere - they were clearly up to no good.
One of the men - who looked like an English teacher - peeled off from the group and came towards him. Tyler noticed that he was a little shaky on his feet.
"Good morning, dear boy," said the man. "Sorry to disturb you, but could you please direct us to the airbase?"
Tyler wanted to say a lot of things, mostly about the teleportation, but he couldn't quite bring himself to say it out loud. He was starting to wonder if he'd hallucinated the whole thing. "Why do you want to go there?" he snapped.
The woman shouted loudly. "Wait… I remember where we are now! It's down this path! I know the way!"
The English teacher smiled at Tyler. "Thank you. Have a lovely day."
"How did you do that," Tyler snapped, unable to stop himself. "I saw you all appear out of nowhere!"
"We're a group of travelling magicians!" the English teacher said with an excited look on his face. He reached out towards Tyler's left ear. Tyler recoiled. "Look what I found!"
The English teacher was now holding a peppermint in a shiny wrapper. He held it out towards Tyler, who glared at it in disgust.
The man took the hint, looked embarrassed, and then followed the other magicians who were already walking away along the footpath that led to the airbase. As he walked, he unwrapped the sweet and ate it.
"Why don't you just teleport yourselves there," Tyler snapped after them.
They ignored him, but Tyler continued to watch.
"I knew we were nearby," said the woman. "Hey, the last time I did this I accidently teleported Uriel and myself into a pond! It was hilarious! A duck flew right at Uriel's face!"
The man in grey looked disturbed by this, as did the English teacher, who pulled his camel coat around himself tighter.
"You're much better at teleportation than Satan is," said a man with red hair who was dressed in black.
"Yeah," said a woman with messy black hair. "When Satan did it, it made me feel travel sick."
Tyler decided that he'd be better off calling a priest than the police. He hurried home and securely locked all of the doors and the windows.
Authors Note:
How did Gabriel and Aziraphale get their human clothes back after discorporating and leaving their human bodies behind? Well, they were both so upset at wearing hospital getup, that one of the nurse-angels was forced to perform a miracle. With a click of their fingers they wished that Gabriel and Aziraphale would be wearing "whatever outfit they like best!"
So you see. I'd considered this from the start. *looks shifty*
There's only one chapter left to go now. I can't believe it's almost completed! Thank you so much for joining me on this ride! I hope you're enjoying it 3