Hi everyone! So, we are now going into our third lockdown here in France as of tomorrow, and hospitals in Paris are turning the staff cafeterias into giant ICUs. This is how well things are currently going right now. Thankfully I don't live near Paris, and things are a little better in my area, or should I say less bad...
Before starting this new chapter, I'd like to answer to the guest reviewer who agreed with me in the comment section of AlexisRose's "Lights will guide you home", when I said Anna should not be allowed to die in a Banna fanfic. S/he said s/he was glad because it meant I would do no harm to John in this story. So I would like to point that I said no such thing regarding John. *devil emoji*
Anyway, let's go with our story!
February 2021
Later in the day, John started to feel under the weather, like he had a nasty cold, so Anna sent him to the nearest healthcare centre to have himself tested. About an hour later, he came back, all red-eyed, exclaiming:
- Jesus, you didn't tell me IT HURTS!
Anna laughed:
- What?
- That damned Q-tip right up the nose! I thought the guy was scratching my brain! It's awful!
- Come on... Yeah, alright it's not enjoyable, but it doesn't hurt...
- OH YES IT DOES! he replied strongly.
Anna kept looking at him with an amused look.
- Men... she sighed, rolling her eyes. It's a good thing you don't have to give birth. Otherwise there'll be no human left in less than a generation.
It was his turn to laugh.
- When do you get the results?
- They said tomorrow morning.
- Alright.
Anna turned back to her laptop on which she was reading her pro emails. Timmy was sitting next to her, doing a colouring. She was silent for a little while, until she commented:
- Oh, good, the hospital has received a batch of vaccines, they will start to vaccinate the staff next week.
- Great. When will you get your shot?
- Hum, I don't know. I guess they'll do the people who have not yet been sick in priority. The few ones left, she added with a raised eyebrow. But I'll check with Phyllis. She'll know.
- The sooner the better. I saw at the healthcare centre, they were starting to vaccinate too. Have you checked with Elsie and Charles whether they'll go get one?
- I'll call them later to discuss it. Oh god if they were both vaccinated and we could see each other again, how good it would be!
A ray of hope dawned into Anna's heart. Maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Yet her mood fell back right away when she heard John cough.
- How do you feel darling? she asked.
- A little tired and hot. But generally not that bad.
- You can take a Tylenol if you want. I have some in the bathroom, second drawer from the top.
- Thank you, he said, turning to go to the bathroom.
x x x x
The next few days went by quite uneventfully at home. John's test came back positive, which surprised neither of them, but he had rather mild symptoms. He managed to go on working online with Robert and Mary and watch Timmy. Anna went to work as usual. A little over a month into the lockdown, there were some feeble signs of a slowing down in new cases. The Carsons, on Anna's advice, had registered with their GP to be vaccinated as soon as possible.
Anna was just going out of a newly admitted patient's room, when her phone rang:
- Dr Smith, she answered.
- Anna, it's Sybil, could you pop down a minute, I'm in a rather tight situation, I need to discuss with a critical care doctor.
- Er, alright, I'll be down shortly.
- Thank you.
Anna checked with her med student who was seeing another patient.
- Hey Khadeeja, I'm going down to pneumology to give some advice, call me if there's anything.
- Alright, sure, said the young doctor.
Down in the pneumology unit, Anna found Sybil looking pressured, speaking on the phone. She heard only the end of her discussion.
- Alright, could you call me back if any bed becomes available? Thank you very much.
The brunette sighed loudly and rubbed her temples after hanging up. She looked up to Anna and gave her a tight smile (or at least that was what Anna thought behind her mask).
- What's up Sybs?
- I have two patients in here who need an ICU bed. And there's none available on the entire hospital. There are none either in Sheffield, Hull, Leeds or Newcastle. Next I'm calling Manchester. This is a freaking nightmare. They're both on Optiflow, I can't keep them here in conventional ward, I haven't got enough nurses to watch them properly!
- Jesus. What are the cases?
- Mrs Zilberstein, 58, she was doing correctly with 10L nasal for the last two days, but I had to switch her to Optiflow about three hours ago, now she's having 30L, and I can't say it won't still need to be pushed further. She's not stabilized yet.
- Alright, yes, it seems legit to admit her into ICU. The other one?
- Mr Holsen, 74, diabetic with kidney failure. I just put him under Optiflow half an hour ago. I'm not overly optimistic either.
- Well, if there's only one bed available, we both know who'll be getting it first.
- Of course, except that I have none.
- Let me call the Head admin, see if he'll allow us to open one more bed.
- And where would you put it?
- I don't know… I guess we could squeeze two beds into the largest rooms up there. As for the older man, well… I guess we'll just have to let him have his chance on Optiflow down here and alea jacta est…
Sybil frowned and said:
- This is so not optimal medicine.
- I know Sybil. This is war medicine. We have to select the fittest… I don't like it one bit more than you do. But what can we do. Would you seriously consider sending the poor man away across the country? This would only kill him faster.
- No, I know you're right… God this is so frustrating! I have to call his wife and tell her that we cannot do everything that should be done because we don't have the resources. I freaking hate it.
- We all hate it Sybs, said Anna, rubbing her friend's arm.
A phone call later, Anna had obtained the authorization to transform all single rooms that were large enough to admit two beds into double rooms. Over the next few days, all those new "double" rooms were filled with patients. She now had twice more patients under her responsibility than usual.
x x x x
The night was dark and cold when Anna finally made it back home as exhausted as usual. But the smell of the pasta John was cooking warmed her heart right away.
- Hi sweetheart, she said, passing her arms around his waist from behind and leaving a kiss on his arm. How are you today?
- Pretty much the same, said John. Hey, would you taste this? he said, holding the wooden spoon up to her mouth. I'm not really sure of my own taste these days.
Anna tasted a bit of the meatball sauce, and licked her lips:
- That's very good. Maybe just had a little more salt.
She squeezed him a little tighter and whispered:
- Where did you learn to cook so well? I feel as if I've hired a professional cook!
John laughed softly:
- That'll be my mum's job.
- If I had known that back last year I would have thanked her for an amazing job raising you.
Sadness suddenly filled John's heart. He had come to terms with the loss of his mother since last March, but there were still moments when it came back hard, and Anna had involuntarily stirred up the feelings. She felt him tense, and turned around to face him.
- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought her up.
- No, it's alright, I'm rather glad you appreciate her efforts, he said, with a bittersweet smile.
- Oh, I surely do.
- So, I guess when we have our own house, I get to stay in charge of the kitchen?
- Er, I'm sorry what? she answered quickly, stuttering a bit. I wasn't aware we were to have our own house?
- Oh, well, I don't know, do you want me to move back to my apartment when the lockdown's over? he asked breezily.
Anna thought of a life in which John was no more there with her every night when she came home. It didn't feel right at all, so she admitted:
- I… guess not… I like to have you with me.
- I do too. And… do you think I can bring all my stuff over from my apartment to yours? Don't you think it'll be a little tight?
- For sure.
- So… he concluded casually. What's your suggestion?
She thought for a moment, until she had to agree to John's conclusion:
- Alright, yes, I guess we'll have to find our own place. I'm sure Timmy would love to have a little backyard. Oh my God, she suddenly freaked out, have we just decided to move in together?
- I'm confused as to what we've been doing for the last month. I was under the impression we had already kind of moved in together.
- Yes, but this was supposed to be temporary. I mean, we've just decided to find a new home for the three of us?
- Looks like it, my darling.
Turning off the stove, he turned around to face her, and suddenly swept her off her feet, and kissed her. Her eyes were shining when he put her back down on the floor.
- Oh, but there's one thing you should know. Don't bother with a grand proposal or anything, because I'm not getting married.
- Oh? Why is that? he said, sounding a bit disappointed.
- I don't know, I'm just not comfortable with the concept of marriage. I don't feel I need to make a public vow and sign some stupid forms to build a life with someone I love. I want to be with you of my own free will and not because I have made a social commitment. You know I am quite attached to my own independence and freedom.
- Alright, that's something I can understand, he said rather reluctantly. Though I must say I would have liked to marry you. You in the white dress, me looking like a fool…
She laughed good-heartedly.
- Silly beggar. I'd rather have the right man than the right wedding.
- Don't hurry to tell Mary. She'll be devastated to learn that she won't ever be your bridesmaid and she won't be able to hold you a fancy wedding party in Downton Abbey…
- Jesus, you're right, Anna smirked. She's going to kill me dead. I'm sure she already had grand plans for us.
They both burst out laughing at the thought of Mary's upcoming disappointment.
- We should eat dinner now, he breathed into her ear.
x x x x
They were cuddling on the couch later, watching a movie, when Anna received a text from Elsie.
"Hey Anna. Are you alright? How's John doing?"
"I'm alright, or at least, managing… John's doing fine."
"Is he out of the danger zone now?"
"It's been eight days now, so I guess if he's alright in a day or two, we'll be safe."
"OK, well I hope he'll be alright. Charles and I have registered to our GP's clinic, I told him we're available anytime if he has any leftover doses"
"OK Cool. Let me know."
"We miss you Anna. Hang in there. It'll get better"
"Thank you, I miss you too, and Timmy does too. We love you"
- Who are you talking to? asked John, seeing that she was not watching the movie.
- Elsie.
- Oh. Any news?
- Not really. She wanted news about you.
- You told her I was right as rain?
- I did. I think I'll go to bed now. That movie doesn't seem that interesting to me. I'd rather sleep, she said.
- Alright, I'll come with you, he said, reaching for the remote. I'm quite tired too.
Less than twenty minutes later, both of them had fallen into a deep slumber. It was a little before two o'clock in the morning when Anna suddenly opened her eyes, a feeling of impending doom creeping under her skin. She had her back turned on John, but what she heard did not please her at all. The sound of a much too rapid and laboured breathing was the thing that had awakened her. She quickly sat herself up and reached to touch John's cheek with her hand. It was burning under her fingers. He was facing the other side of the bed, and did not answer for a while when she whispered:
- John? Are you alright?
She didn't wait for an answer, and walked around the bed to come and crouch in front of him. She turned the bed side lamp on, and saw his struggling face. He was taking quick and shallow breaths, and sweat was covering his brow.
- John! she cried. Do you hear me?
He nodded:
- I hear you…
She ran to the bathroom, and quickly came back with a thermometer, a stethoscope, a tensiometer and a pulse oxymeter. Using all this she made a rapid assessment of the situation, and her conclusion was not to her liking. She paused for a second, closing her eyes, fighting the panic rising inside her like a high tide. She forced herself to organize her thoughts. She needed to rush John to the hospital. But Timmy was asleep and she could not leave him alone. She quickly reached for her phone, and dialled. Her first attempt went to voice mail after ringing a few times. She hated to do that, but she dialled again. She didn't see any other way around. This time, a sleepy voice answered:
- Yeah, Anna, what's going on?
- Mary, thank God, I'm so sorry to call you in the middle of the night, but I need help. It's John.