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"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 27

The lightning zapped through her, knocking her to the ground and leaving her a writhing mess of pain, but she didn't cry out, since doing so would bring on punishment. She gritted her teeth through her body's involuntary spasms, her mind repeating don't scream, don't scream, don't scream! Something warm was trickling out of her nose – blood? – but she didn't wipe it away. This was for her own good – it would make her strong.

"Pitiful," Snoke said in a low voice as he strode up to her. "No wonder your parents abandoned you to rot, young Solo."

Rage shot through her faster than the lightning, giving her enough strength to glare up at her master, teeth bared like an animal. "That's NOT MY NAME!" she screamed.

"You won't be able to escape your father's name so long as you share his weaknesses!" Snoke growled. He leaned over her and she inadvertently flinched away. "See? You're still a frightened child who cowers from pain instead of facing it." He stared down at her with those piercing eyes. "The name of Ren is earned, not given. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master."

"Then show me how you conquer pain."

Again she gritted her teeth in determination, inching her arms and legs to a crouching position, determined to ignore how the floor scraping against her burns made them cry out for tending, licking the blood dribbling from her nose and ignoring the metallic taste. She pushed herself to her feet, though she couldn't stop herself from wobbling as she did so.

A grin crept across her master's scarred face. "Good. You may earn the name of Ren yet, my girl." He raised his hands, curling his fingers. "Now, again!"

The lightning shot through her once more.

. . .

"CHEWIE!"

Ben stood frozen in place as the prison transport exploded in front of him, its debris toppling from the sky in flames and black clouds of smoke. Falling, falling, falling . . . and somewhere Chewie's corpse was falling with it. Though Ben heard Finn calling to him, saw more stormtroopers flying in on speederbikes, the only movement he was capable of was looking down at his hand.

The hand that killed Chewie.

Tears blurred his vision, but his mind's eye still saw the lightning shoot out of that hand – that murderous hand. Suddenly he wished he could slice that hand off and burn it even though he knew that wouldn't bring Chewie back.

"Ben, come on! Come ON!"

Finn and Poe's voices sounded like they were coming from another world – a world where Chewie was alive. No, no, this wasn't right! Chewie was alive! Any minute now he would crawl out of the rubble and escape with them. They couldn't leave without him!

"COME ON!"

Reality hit him like a stunray. No Wookiee would come heroically climbing out of the rubble. Chewie was dead. Dead by his own murderous hand. His mind heard the Wookiee's comforting growls, felt his warm, soft embrace as that hand – that damn HAND! – started to shake.

"Chewie . . ." he whispered in horror.

. . .

Again both halves of the dyad woke at the same time, again finding that they were still linked, though this time they realized it through their Force senses rather than their eyes since it was still dark. Behind his blinks Ben still saw the exploding transport, feeling an urge to stare at his own hand even though his conscious mind knew it was Rey's memory, not his.

"I didn't know Snoke did that to you."

Rey's voice came out in the tiniest of whispers, as if she wasn't even sure if she wanted Ben to hear it.

"Did what?" Ben asked, finding his throat dry.

"Tortured you . . . with lightning." Still Rey's voice was in a tiny whisper. "A-And . . . you thought it was because he wanted to make you strong?"

Ben gulped, trying to ignore the slight tremble in his hands. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Suddenly her hand was on his chest. "Don't be sorry. It's just . . . I had no idea."

"And what, you think that excuses everything?" Ben's voice came out harsher than he'd intended. "You think that since Ben the poor innocent victim got abused, that makes it okay for him to become a murderer?"

"No . . . of course not," said Rey, her hand still on his chest, maybe feeling his heartbeat, which suddenly made him wish he was still connected to the heart monitor. At least that beeping would provide a distraction.

"Did he . . . did he do it often?" Rey asked.

Ben couldn't answer. Answering might send him back to Snoke's throne room, back to the "endurance training," as his old master called it . . .

"I see," said Rey in a low voice, her arm now creeping over his chest, wrapping him in a loose embrace. "What did you dream about?"

Ben swallowed repeatedly in a fruitless attempt to moisten his throat. "That day on Pasaana . . . when I saw you destroy the transport – only I was the one who destroyed it." He turned his head to face her even though he couldn't see her. "I didn't know you thought Chewie was on it."

Her arm froze. "Didn't you hear me screaming his name?"

"Not over the crash," said Ben. "I knew later that we'd taken him prisoner, of course, but at the time, I didn't know what had made you so desperate."

He heard her swallow. "Would it have made any difference if he was on that transport?"

Ben blinked rapidly, knowing the truth but loathe to admit it to Rey or himself. "If he was . . . I might have tried harder to pull it down." He flinched away from her embrace, rolling over to face away from her. "Like with Dad . . . as Kylo Ren I felt I had to destroy everything associated with my old life."

There was silence for what felt like a year even though it was probably only a few seconds. "In the dream," Rey finally said in a hesitant voice, "Snoke called me – you – 'young Solo' to taunt you."

Ben's eyes were filling with tears. "My name . . . I was ashamed of it. I thought anything associated with my old life was weak and . . ." A sob interrupted him.

"Ben . . ."

Ben rolled back around to face her. "You thought your hand was murderous when you thought you killed Chewie – but you didn't actually kill him! My hands actually are murderous!"

He heard her swallow again. "It was only because of luck that I didn't kill him." Her body shifted – maybe she was holding her hand in front of her face like in the dream-memory. "Wh-what I can do . . . what I almost did . . ."

Now it was Ben throwing his arm over Rey, tucking her in an embrace. "Rey, what you can do doesn't define you."

He felt her hand rest on top of his. "But what if . . . what if it happens again? I didn't intend to shoot lightning out of my hand – it just happened! I wouldn't know how to control it if it happened again." Her fingers drummed nervously on his hand, pressing into his skin. "You offered to teach me once – do you know how to . . .?"

"No," Ben interrupted. "I don't know how to make lightning, yet alone control it. That was a skill that Snoke never shared."

Rey sucked in a long inhale as if trying to keep herself from crying. "We were supposed to dream of happy memories."

Ben wanted to hug her tighter, let her know that she wasn't alone, but he restrained himself from doing so. "I don't think we have any control over what we dream."

"We don't seem to have any control over anything."

With that, she vanished, letting Ben's arm fall onto the bed.