Chapter 29: In sickness and heath
Elizabeth had retired for the night, hoping she would feel better after a good sleep. Her maid helped her dry her hair. Her supper tray was still untouched. She had no appetite. She sat on a chaise.
Darcy's treatment tortured her. Why do I care for his good opinion? He does not trust me. He never will. He has built a wall of prejudice so solid that I can never break it ever.
Her headache worsened, and she was sure that she had a fever. She did not want to be discovered on the floor if she overslept the next day. She rested on the chaise until tiredness overtook her, and she slept for a few hours. In the early hours, she woke up unable to bear the shivering and a headache.
Oh! God! I hope poor Emma does not catch fever as well. She looked at the time, and it was close to 2 am.
She got up and tried to reach the jug of water. She lost grip of the handle, and it fell on the floor with a loud crash.
She took the candle and walked out of her room to find some medicine in the kitchen.
Darcy woke when he heard the noise. He was sure it came from Elizabeth's room. He got up and walked to the door which connected to her room. He was hesitant to knock but had no choice. Maybe a candle fell off the table.
"Elizabeth, are you awake? What was that noise?" He asked as he knocked. There was no reply from her. "Elizabeth are you al…" before he could finish the sentence, he heard a loud noise from outside. Good God!
He ran out of his room and was shocked to see her on the floor near the stairs.
"Elizabeth, what happened? Are you all right?" He was horrified to see a burning candle on her dress and put it off immediately. The moment he touched her he knew that she was burning with fever.
"Elizabeth, open your eyes. Can you hear me?" He cried. There was no response from her. He yelled for the servants as he carried her to her room.
He entered her room and found the jug of water on the floor. He placed her on the bed and tried waking her again. He was agitated to find no response from her. He ordered the servants to bring the doctor immediately.
"I know it is an odd hour. Go and bring him. Tell him Mrs Darcy is unconscious." He said firmly. She looked white and was burning. The maid came in to nurse her. He watched helplessly, as she placed a damp cloth on Elizabeth's forehead.
She must have been unwell when I spoke to her. She looked white. He felt guilty to have slept in the adjacent room without knowing about the state of health. She murmured a little, and he tried to wake her again.
"Elizabeth, the doctor is on his way. Do not worry. You will be well."
She opened her eyes a bit and looked at him. He saw her stare at the bedpost, and she closed her eyes again. The housekeeper joined them on hearing about the condition of her mistress.
"Mr Darcy, do not worry. The doctor should be able to help her. Mrs Darcy was completely soaked when they came back from the lake. That must be the reason for her illness. Was she well when she retired to bed?"
Darcy looked at Mrs Reynolds guiltily. He was unaccustomed to lying to anybody.
"I did not see her before she retired."
Mrs Reynolds looked at him puzzled. Maybe there is a problem between them.
The doctor arrived and examined Elizabeth.
"The fever is quite high. Has Emma shown any signs of fever?"
"I enquired some time ago. She seems to be fine." Mrs Reynolds replied.
"That is good. Mrs Darcy looks weak. Has she been eating well? She should have better immunity than this."
"I do not think she ate her dinner." Darcy said, eyeing the tray on the table.
"Mr Darcy, I will give her some powder for the fever. But she has to recover through nourishment as well."
"She has been unconscious for more than an hour."
"She may be so for a while till the fever breaks."
"Is there anything else that might help her? I am worried."
"The powder will help bring the fever down. She has to eat. She may not want to, but that is the only way she can get better."
Once the doctor left, Darcy sat by her bed.
"You may want to rest. I can see to it that Mrs Darcy is well cared for." Mrs Reynolds said.
"I do not wish to take rest. I will be here." He said without diverting his gaze from Elizabeth's face.
Mrs Reynolds asked the maid to leave along with her, thinking that he may need some privacy.
Darcy felt like an intruder in his wife's room. He remembered that the only time he had stepped inside her room was during their wedding night.
Elizabeth murmured something in her sleep, and he held her hand. He noticed the bandage on her fingers. She said something about letting go of Emma because of this. He knew he had acted out of anger and felt ashamed of himself.
She murmured again and opened her eyes.
"Elizabeth, how are you feeling?"
She stared at the bedpost again. "Why am I on this bed?" She asked in a low voice.
"You have a fever, and you fainted."
"I do not want to be on this bed. I am not the person to be…" Her voice trailed, and she closed her eyes again.
Darcy could not understand what she meant. He was confused. The maid came in again to nurse her. Darcy felt helpless for the next few hours.
By morning her fever broke, and she opened her eyes. The moment she saw Darcy in her room, she froze.
Oh! God! What happened to me? Why am I on this bed? Darcy was beside her within seconds.
"You are unwell. You have to eat something. Shall I ask the maid to bring you some soup?" He asked, relieved that she was conscious again.
Elizabeth remembered trying to go downstairs to find some medicine.
"What time is it? I wanted to get medicine. Is it morning?"
"You fainted near the stairs last night. The doctor has seen you. He said you would recover soon."
Elizabeth was confused. Did I faint? Did he carry me here?
"Why didn't you call the maid or at least knock on my door for help?"
She looked at him with irritation.
"Are you here to criticise my actions again? I thought I was well enough to go downstairs. I am sorry if I have disturbed your sleep."
"Elizabeth, you could have called me. I was most worried whe…"
"You expect me to call you when I am unwell? I did not know that it was part of our agreement, sir."
He knew that he had hurt her deeply with his treatment and did not know how to make amends.
"I am truly sorry for what I said yesterday. I was angry and worried for Emma. I should not have spoken to you thus."
"I do not need your apology. I owned to you that I was at fault, and I know that I put Emma in danger. I know I caused grave danger to someone in your family. I do not want your sudden empathy or compassion just because I am sick."
Darcy understood her when she stressed the words "your family". He was mortified. Did I really say that?
"Please understand, I was truly worried about you. You were unconscious for so many hours."
"Did you stay in my room all night?" Elizabeth asked bluntly.
"Yes, I did."
"I think that is more than enough for the staff to understand that you are a devoted husband, and it contributes greatly to our ruse. Now please leave me."
Darcy could see how much he had pained her.
"I did not stay here as for convincing others I was worried about you."
"Mr Darcy, I truly want to believe you. But I know that your goodwill towards me will change pretty soon. I have experienced enough of your fluctuating treatment. Please leave."
"I earnestly apologise for my behaviour. I am not proud of the way I spoke to you. Anger blinded me."
"You are blinded by prejudice as well. You can never give me the benefit of doubt in any matter. And I am so tired of trying to prove myself to you. I know you believe in facts. The only fact that supports me now is my fever. You have chosen to shower your compassion on me because of that. I do not want your concern or compassion. Please do not trouble yourself and sit here. I beg of you to leave me alone." She said, unable to look at him. The very fact that she was lying on the grand bed in front of him mortified her. His insulting words during their wedding night echoed in her mind.
Darcy got up, shaken by her words. With one last look at her left the room.
Elizabeth felt tired and weak. The maid brought her food, but she had no appetite.
She knew she had to eat to get better. She tried to eat and slept again.
In the adjacent room, Darcy felt terrible. I have treated her so badly. I can never forgive myself. She did not even want to reveal to me that she was sick. What kind of a man have I become?
He knew he had changed a lot after Anne's death. Georgiana's near elopement had destroyed him. He had so many feelings bundled inside his heart, and his outbursts of anger were getting more frequent. He wanted to go back into her room and check on her. But he decided not to.
She asked me to leave, how uncomfortable I must had made her with my presence. Darcy headed downstairs after knowing that she had eaten. Georgiana did not want to take her lessons and stayed with Elizabeth the whole morning. Darcy felt even more guilty when he found Emma crying to see her.
"I want to play with Libby. Uncle Darcy, take me to her room." She cried uncontrollably.
"She is sleeping, Emma. I will take you once she is better."
I called her reckless. She faced a gun to protect Emma. How did I become so resentful towards her. She is right. I have never given her my trust. How am I to make amends for such horrendous behaviour?
By afternoon Elizabeth was down with fever again. Darcy entered her room, unable to be away. Georgiana was sitting beside her bed.
"Fitzwilliam, I am worried. She barely spoke a few words to me in the morning."
"I have sent for the doctor." He said grimly. Elizabeth looked pale.
What if I lose her? He could not imagine a life without her. In a short period, she became a solid part of his life, and he had been so blind to understand how much she mattered to him.
"Is something wrong with her bed?" Georgiana asked.
"Why? What happened?"
"I do not know. Lizzy said something about the bed. She said she did not want to sleep on it. Maybe the mattress is not comfortable."
Darcy did not know what to make of Elizabeth's words. It just struck him that she had never complained or asked for anything from him. The doctor visited and assured them that she would improve.
It took two days for Elizabeth to recover, and Darcy experienced the same pain he had felt when his mother was ill.
He wished he had behaved more gentlemanly with a woman who deserved the best in life. The vows he had said during his marriage made more sense to him now. In sickness and health, he wanted to cherish her as his wife. But he had only one doubt in his mind. Would she ever be able to accept me as her husband?