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It was quiet for five seconds. Then Edward put his hand under my chin and lifted it. My gaze met his.
"Believe me Isabella, I want you. For days now, I have been unable to stop imagining the feeling of your soft, warm lips on my skin," he admitted, his voice dark. I could not believe my ears. My heart was hammering loudly in my chest and my face had to be as red as a tomato. I felt even more flushed, as his eyes travelled lower and came to rest on the curves of my breasts which stood out under the thin material of my dress.
"But before I kiss you – and may I be damned, I will, Isabella – I want you to know who I really am. There are things that happened in my past that you couldn't imagine in your darkest dreams. I don't want any secrets to stand between us," he concluded softly.
"After that, you can decide if you still want me," he added with a small, tormented smile. I was a little shocked that he was talking so freely, but this felt like an odd dream anyway. I had never ever thought it possible that Edward would want to kiss me. But that was what he had just said, wasn't it?
"Yes," I assured him. There was absolutely nothing he could say to make me change my mind.
He smiled again, doubt in his eyes.
"I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I will answer each one truthfully and I ask you not to hold back," he said and nodded encouragingly.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He had told me that he wanted me. A warm, tingly sensation spread inside of me and my face still felt very hot. I could not help but think about his bite and how it had felt. How I had felt.
Edward cleared his throat, and I opened my eyes. There was amusement on his face as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. At the same time, I could see that he was impatient. He had leaned toward me, his chin propped on his hands.
"Why didn't it hurt?" was the first question that came to my mind.
Edward was apparently waiting for me to continue because he didn't answer.
"It felt different than the other times. Almost . . .," I cut myself off as I noticed where my thoughts were heading. I certainly would not be telling him that I had liked it in a twisted kind of way. Or that I had felt this wonderful feeling in my gut area when he had started drinking from me.
"Almost what, Isabella?" he dug deeper, his eyes blazing.
I almost sighed. Of course, he wanted to know. What had I expected?
"Almost bearable?" I suggested and wished for the ground to swallow me whole.
Edward's laughter boomed through the room, deep and melodically. I stared at him. Was he making fun of me? Not that he didn't have the right to do so, but it didn't change the fact that I felt mortified.
"You're a bad liar, Isabella," he observed, still laughing. There was something mischievous in his eyes.
"Almost what?" he repeated his question.
Oh God, he really wanted me to say it? Hadn't he humiliated me enough? I tried to think of something clever to say, but it was futile.
"I liked it," I confessed, my voice a few octaves too high. "It felt . . . good."
An expression that was nothing short of smug appeared on his face.
"There's no reason to feel ashamed," he assured. "I liked it too, more than I'd like to admit. I was sure that your blood would be a delicacy, but when I tasted it, it was so much more than that. You're a miracle, Isabella."
I flushed. Why in heaven's name did I flush upon being complimented on the taste of my blood? A normal reaction would be to flee the room screaming. Something had to be wrong with my head.
"And it aroused me just as much as it aroused you," he added quietly.
I choked on ma saliva and started coughing violently. Edward cursed and carefully patted my back. Then he gave me a full glass of water. When had he filled it up? I gulped the water and returned the glass to him, avoiding his eyes.
"Excuse me," Edward said, but he didn't sound sorry at all.
Had he actually said that? This had to be a dream. Was I still lying on the cold floor of Aro's cage in reality? I shut out those thoughts. My subconsciousness surely wasn't able to put such words in Edward's mouth.
My cheeks were burning as I tried in vain to hide beneath the blanket. He had been aroused? Even though I had grown up almost isolated from the world around me, I still knew what that meant. I realized that he was perfectly right. The tingling sensation in my gut area must have been a sign of my arousal. I closed my eyes. And he had noticed. I didn't dare imagine how.
I would never again be able to meet his eyes. It would be best if I kept my eyes shut forever. Maybe he was eventually going to lose his patience and leave.
"The reason why it didn't hurt is that I tried to drink carefully. And believe me when I say that this has been the hardest task in my long existence. At the end, my control slipped for a moment. I'm sorry that I hurt you," he continued.
Hurt? Oh yes, it had been painful for the shortest of moments. Was it alarming that I had forgotten this little detail?
"And concerning the arousal – I fear I'm unable to explain it to you. This has never happened to me before. And I can assure you that no one I have ever bitten before found the feeling agreeable."
I looked down at my fingers with interest. Maybe he would stop talking about this horrible topic if I ignored him.
"I figure that it might be because I feel attached to you," he said thoughtfully, more to himself than to me.
My fingernails were in desperate need of a cleaning. They were really dirty.
"Isabella, are you listening to me?" Edward asked, a slight note of irritation in his voice. It made me quit my little game. There was no hope.
"Yes," I replied and smiled at his collarbone.
"Look at me," he demanded slowly.
"I do," I said and noticed only afterwards that it sounded quite insolent. But I was looking at him, wasn't I? He couldn't argue with that.
"You know exactly what I mean. Listen, I'm not used to talking about these things, about what I feel. So it would be greatly appreciated . . . are you even taking me seriously?"
He said this so quickly that I barely understood him. He was definitely annoyed with me.
"Yes. No . . . I don't know," I murmured eventually. My gaze trailed down his upper body and came to rest on his hands that lay flat against his thighs.
"What do you mean by that?" Edward asked impatiently.
Wasn't it obvious? He was . . . this perfect and beautiful being and I was just a simple girl that he had saved twice from Aro. What had I done to deserve his help? And why did he say that he felt attached to me? He couldn't be serious. Hadn't Jonathan told me that he was going to visit his family? And he had wanted to leave me at the house with Jonathan, knowing fully-well that I had been afraid of him.
"Isabella, please talk to me. It drives me crazy to see you this quiet. What are you thinking about?" he still sounded irritated.
The following words left my mouth astoundingly fast.
"It's just that so much has happened during the last days. I think I still need some time to process it all. I do take you seriously," I assured him, hoping that he would drop the topic.
Edward's eyes told me immediately that my plan had failed. His jaw was working, and he narrowed his eyes which were glittering with anger.
"Why do you lie to me?" he asked, tense. By now, I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't hurt me, at least not physically. I felt uncomfortable, nonetheless. I probably owed him the truth after all he had done for me.
"How can I believe you?" I whispered. My voice was shaking, and tears welled up in my eyes. Before I was unable to continue, I went on. "Jonathan has told me that you are going to visit your family. And that you were planning on leaving me here . . . with him. He said that I would be at his mercy, from morning . . . till night."
My last words were accompanied by sobs and I wiped away the tears that ran down my cheek. Images of a few nights ago appeared in my head again. I felt nauseous. I didn't dare to look at Edward, but I could see from the corner of my eye that his whole body was quaking.