"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

"Hey, stranger, where you been lately?"

Steve waved to TwoBit, seeing him coming up the Randles' front walk. "Me? Where have you been?"

TwoBit made his way up the porch steps. "Hey, you know me. I've been off makin' all sorts of trouble."

"You still likin' the bowling alley all right?"

"Yeah. It's a decent job. I ain't complainin'. So you been out liftin' hubcaps?"

"Yep. Got a whole collection stackin' up in my bedroom. You ought to come see it sometime." Steve took a seat on the swing, his feet making it sway back and forth. "But seriously, man. I really haven't seen you in a while. Well, it feels like a while anyway."

TwoBit sat down beside Steve, a hand smoothing down one of his sideburns. "Aw, Steve-O. You were just used to me being part of your daily life."

"Yeah, right. I'm real off track without you annoyin' my ass every single day of the week."

"Yep. I bet it's set you on the path of no return. To be real though, I've been workin' and stuff. Not doing anything more excitin' than that. And from what I've heard through the grapevine, I kind of thought you and Soda needed some time for just each other."

"That grapevine named Ponyboy Curtis?"

"Yep. But even without him, I might've come to that conclusion."

"Oh yeah?"

"Sure. I mean, all last week, if I stopped at their house, you were either in Soda's room with him or he was at your house with you. Maybe I'm not too book-smart, but I'm more observant than ya'll have a record of giving me credit for."

"I don't underestimate you, man. Especially not when it comes to the gang. And you're right about me and Soda. We did need that time."

"I think it worked out just right cause Pony needed the time to spill his guts to me."

"You got a lot out of him, huh?"

"Oh yeah. He laid his heart out that one day Soda went over to your house for dinner."

"And those two haven't been so out of sorts since then. They've been able to fix things. The kid needed a listening ear that was just focused on him. I think you're the only one of us who could give him that too."

"Yeah. I'm one of a kind, aren't I? My favorite kid didn't have to end up exploding with all those pent-up feelings and shit cause I got him to talk it through."

"You've got enough pride in yourself there, don't you, TwoBit?"

"Hell, yeah, I do. Cause, the way I look at it, I helped bring two brothers back together again."

"We can't just pretend there's nothing happening right now, Sodapop."

Soda lie back on the picnic blanket, one elbow propping him up next to Penny. "I ain't pretending."

Penny stretched out beside Soda, the couple face-to-face, as she rested a hand on his waist, the red jewel of the ring blending into the green of his shirt. "You've been talking about everything but the baby. It was only last night that I called to tell you I do want Samuel and Vivian to be our child's adoptive parents. You barely said anything then either."

Soda sat up and reached for the basket, finding two more apples inside. He held one out to Penny, while taking a bite of the other. "These are real sweet, aren't they?"

Penny sat up too, taking the apple, but then putting it back in the basket. "This is what I'm talking about. We can't keep avoiding the subject, especially now."

Soda's teeth sank into the sweet flesh of the apple, its crunch a fleeting relief from the pressure building up in his chest.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah. I am. I just don't know what I should say."

"Say anything you're thinking, Sodapop. I know you, so I know that you can't just be feeling nothing about this. You were so eager for me to consider the possibility, and now, it's much more than that. I'm planning to have Samuel and Vivian adopt our baby."

"Yeah. I know you are."

"So are you on board with me? I need to know I have your support. I can't do this by myself."

"Of course you have my support, Penny. I'm on board with you, and I don't mean to ever make you wonder about that or think you're doing anything by yourself."

"Then, please talk to me. You've had plenty to say, so I start to worry when you aren't saying anything."

Soda was quiet for a little while, as he looked down at the apple in his hands, the pressure in his chest now greater than it had been minutes before. "I guess I'm- I'm not like I thought I would be. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad it's working out. I want Samuel and Vivian to do this."

Penny cupped Soda's cheek with one hand, her thumb stroking the skin just below his eye, as his gaze moved up to meet her own. "So what else then, sweetheart? What else are you feeling?"

"It's like I'm glad, but I'm sad too. When you told me last night, I think I went into shock. I ain't completely over it yet either."

"I don't think anybody gets over shock that quickly, no matter the reason. It's something that has to wear off a little bit at a time because there's so much to absorb."

"Yeah. I know. I've just always thought of shock as what happens when I find out something bad. Like when I heard my parents died or that Steve had overdosed. Or even when I watched Pony run from our house."

"I think it was quite a shock to you when I told you I was pregnant. Even more so, when I said I wasn't going to keep the baby."

"Yeah. It sure was." Soda felt Penny's hand move from his cheek to his chest, her touch soothing the heaviness that remained there. He leaned toward her, his lips pressing to hers in a kiss that created an intimate illusion of escape.

"Hey, Superman, did Soda get back from his date yet?"

Darry wrote the last number on the check in front of him, signing his name, as he replied to Steve, who was hovering in his bedroom doorway. "No. Not yet. I think it'll be a while longer."

Steve closed the door, hearing the click coincide with the tearing sound, as Darry ripped the check from its book. "That's good. I'm wanting to be here when he gets home."

Darry slid the check into an envelope, as Steve took a seat near him. "Why? Something happen at work today?"

"No. He just- And maybe I need to chill on getting concerned so easily, but I'm worried about him trying to internalize stuff. It's not like he's usually good at that, but still."

"Stuff like what? Do you mean about Penny and the baby?"

"Yeah. Cause he was really quiet earlier, and I think it was because he felt like his feelings shouldn't be what they are."

"He told you Penny decided, right?"

"Yeah. I kind of had to coax it out of him though."

Darry put a stamp on the corner of the envelope, then sealed it. "I thought something was wrong last night after she called."

"Yeah. Soda's still taking it all pretty hard." Steve saw the address of the electric company written on the envelope Darry had put down on the desk, a bill beside it with the words 'past due balance' in bold print. "Um, I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, Superman, but are you guys okay?"

"Okay with what?"

"You know, money-wise?"

"Oh." Darry took a deep breath, as he put the bill in his desk drawer. "Yeah. We're better."

"I'm sorry, Darry. I didn't mean-"

"No. It's okay, Steve. I know you only asked because you care about us."

"Yeah. I do. I care about all of you. You're my family. But you don't have to say anything else if you don't want to. I just want to know you guys are okay now, even if you weren't before."

Darry picked up the envelope that remained in front of him, tapping it on the desk. "I haven't said anything to Soda. I didn't want him turning this on himself."

"I can dig that. He's been so prone to guilt. Not that I'm putting him down for it. I've been the same way."

"Yeah. And it's not like Soda's a stranger to money troubles, but he couldn't do more than he has been, and I sure as hell didn't want him to try. Honestly, though, some things just got behind after he got shot. What with him not working for that time, then me missing hours too, it was bound to happen. Then, we've both missed more work for doctor's appointments and all. And obviously, there are still extra bills I don't want him guilting himself over."

"But he's gotta know, Superman. It ain't like he doesn't realize you guys had less money when he wasn't working, and he knows medical care's not free."

"Yeah, I know. That's one reason he was so damn eager to get back to work. But I didn't want him burdened with the details beyond knowing money was tight. Especially not when he couldn't do anything to change it without hurting himself somehow. You know Soda. He'd want to work more or drop his appointments to save money. Right after the shooting, I told him we'd figure it out, so I did. He just doesn't know it took a little longer because his recovery wasn't as simple as just getting back to work."

"Ain't that the truth. I don't blame you on any of it. He's had a tough few months, and worrying about money wouldn't have helped. Neither would the guilt he probably would've put on himself."

"I feel like he ought to know because he's eighteen and helps me so much here, but at the same time, I remember him standing on the front porch that one night and telling me he's a burden. I remember him crying in Dr. Morgan's office, saying he's not enough. I couldn't let this get a chance to reinforce those feelings."

"I get it, Darry. You had it all under control, so you protected him."

"Yeah. Exactly. I'm not saying everything's paid off cause it won't be for a while. But the bills are mostly caught up, and we've got food on the table. We're getting by, and Soda's here with us, so there's nothing more I can ask for."

"Hey, man, how was your date?"

Soda walked to his room, Steve following right behind him. He stood in front of the mirror, the reflection there jolting him with its reality. "I'm going to be a father, Stevie."

Steve went to stand beside Soda, a hand going to his shoulder. "Yeah. I thought that hit you already."

"This kid will probably look like me."

"Yeah. Probably. You and Penny both."

"But Samuel and Vivian will be the parents. Penny and me ain't gettin' married, and we won't be raising our child."

Steve kept his hand on Soda's shoulder, as he watched his best friend stare into the mirror, his eyes not blinking. "I know, man. It's okay. Take all the time you need with that."

"I gave her the ring anyway."

"Because you're a good guy, and you love her."

"Is my child going to love me?"

"Of course, buddy. This kid is going to love you so much."

"What am I going to do with myself, Stevie?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm all over the place. Cause I was in shock, then I wasn't. But I am again. Penny said it has to wear off a little bit at a time."

"She's right."

"But why does it feel like I'm numb inside? Like I feel lots of stuff, but not all of it can get through?"

"I think that's exactly what shock is. You're feeling too much to cope with all at once, so your mind's softening the blow."

"I didn't want to let Penny see. Cause she's the one having the baby. She's the mother who's not going to be a mom. I've gotta be strong for her."

"I understand the feeling, man. But you can let her see. You can be real with her."

"She knew too. She knew I was feeling a lot even when I hadn't said it yet."

"Good. Cause she knows you."

"This is a good thing. Samuel and Vivian will be great parents. Me and Penny aren't ready. She has school. I have my brothers. We can't be a mom and dad right now. This is the best we can do for our baby."

Steve put a hand on Soda's other shoulder and guided him away from the mirror, both of them sitting down on the bed. He then looked at his best friend's eyes that were blinking back tears. "But it's still okay to cry about it."

Soda looked toward the mirror once more, seeing his face in it. "I had to make sure I could see me."

"You want to know what I was thinking earlier when I said you've gotta accept some things?"

"Yeah. Cause you always help me understand stuff better."

Steve saw Soda's eyes meet his own, the tears shining in them, even as his gaze held onto hope. "I think you're grieving, buddy."

"But nobody died or anything. Nothin' awful's happening."

"That's not all grief is though, man. You said you felt like you were losing something, and in a way, you are. Even if you did only get a second to want it before you had to start letting go."

"I wanted the baby. I wanted to be a daddy."

Steve drew Soda into his arms, holding him close to give the grief a safe place of release. "I know, brother. I know that's the first thing you wanted."

Soda gripped the sleeve of Steve's shirt in his fist, as he still held back the tears. "I wanted to marry Penny and be a family. But we're not doing that."

Steve felt the tension in Soda and started to rub his back. "You're okay, man. You're just going through accepting how things are turning out. You're making peace with it."

"I thought I did that already."

"I think you did with the idea, but it's different now because there's a whole plan unfolding right in front of you."

"How do you have so many answers?"

"It's just wisdom and empathy, buddy. I haven't been where you are, but I have been through a lot of emotions. Besides, I know you and what makes you tick, so it's not hard to make sense of what I'm seeing."

Soda closed his eyes, as he felt the tears slip to his cheeks. "I'd lose my mind without you, Stevie."

"That makes two of us, man." Steve tightened his arms around Soda, resting his head against his best friend's, as he looked toward the mirror and saw the reflection of them holding onto one another. "We've kept each other sane. That's for damn sure."

"Will you do something with me?"

"Sure, buddy. What are you thinking?"

"I want to go somewhere away from everything."

"Where though?"

"I ain't sure. I just know I want to."

Steve lifted one hand to stroke the back of Soda's head, as he thought for a moment. "What's happening inside to make you want that?"

Soda hid his face in Steve's chest, unwilling to let go of his best friend. "A lot of noise. It's hurting my heart."

Steve continued to stroke the back of Soda's head, as he felt him hold on tighter. "I love you, buddy, and I'm not letting go yet. But I think I've got an idea for what we can do."

"What?"

"Let's take a long walk. It won't get too dark for a while yet."

"A walk where?"

"The park with the trail. Bring the box from Dr. Morgan. Out there, it'll just be me and you and the trees."

"I am picturing a daughter. I just can't help it for some reason."

Samuel turned the pages of the phone book, a pen marking the names of attorneys and agencies, as he affirmed Vivian's words. "I think that makes sense, honey. Since Matthew was and still is our son, it feels natural to imagine a daughter."

Vivian eyed the phone book, ads filling its yellow pages. "Do you think a lawyer is necessary?"

"Yes. I do. Because we want to do this correctly, and only an attorney who knows everything about the laws and the process of adoption can make sure we cover all our bases."

"This does make me feel like I'm away from everything."

Steve walked beside Soda along the trail, the trees surrounding them a shelter from both remaining sunlight and the rest of the world. "I knew it would, man. Maybe being out here for a little bit will help you reset."

Soda carried the shoebox under one arm, now clad in a gray t-shirt that let the cooling summer air blow its breeze along his skin. "I've sure gotten in lots of outdoor time today."

"Hey, that's just what you need plenty of right now." Steve veered off the trail, going further into the woods, as brown leaves and sticks crunched beneath his feet. "Let's go sit down back here."

Soda followed Steve, looking up to see the tree branches above them, sections of clear blue sky visible, along with some gray clouds that were moving in to create a contrast.

Steve took a seat on the ground, his back pressed up against the rough bark of a tree trunk. "Fresh air soothes you, and there's sure enough to touch and feel."

Soda sat down beside Steve, the shoebox in his lap, as he settled into the physical immersion that was the dirt and roots pressed into his legs, his head resting on the tree trunk. He picked up a stick, brushing his fingers along it, before snapping it in half. "Yeah. Sure is."

Steve bumped his shoulder against Soda's, giving him a grin. "Aren't we a sight, man? Two Greaser guys having a heart-to-heart in the woods?"

"Yeah. Sure are."

Steve's grin faltered, as he watched Soda's expression, recognizing it as the same one he'd worn during the early part of their workday. "Please don't get quiet on me again, Soda."

"I'm not."

Steve reached for the shoebox and slid the lid off the top, then took out the stack of index cards inside.

Soda watched Steve sift through the cards, as he picked up a rock and rolled it around in his hands, its smooth surface gliding along his palms. "What are you about to do? Read them to me?"

Steve shook his head, his eyes reading the words on each card, as he moved some to the top of the stack. "Nah. Just picking out the ones I think you need right now."

Soda looked up, still rolling the rock around in his hands. "Aren't you tired, Stevie?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Cause you worked all day, and now, you're out here with me."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Besides, I went home and showered and ate while you were with Penny. So don't go getting worried I'm not taking care of myself." Steve held the index cards out to Soda. "Here. They're all yours again."

Soda kept the rock in one hand, as he took the cards from Steve, looking down at the one on top of the stack, which read, It's okay for you to talk about your feelings, even if you think someone else hurts more. It's never a contest.

Steve watched Soda's eyes move over the words, their familiarity not stopping his best friend from drinking them in. "You know what made me put that one on top?"

"Yeah. Cause of what I said about Penny being the mother."

"Exactly, buddy. I know you'll be there to support her and everything. To do that though, you've gotta do right by yourself too."

Soda moved to the second card in the stack, the words on it making him think of the moment he'd shared with Steve earlier: It's okay to cry because you need to let it out and let go. It's okay to need lots of hugs.

"Always, man. That never stops being true. Hell, since we're all about being honest, I wouldn't trade those kind of moments for anything. Cause they remind both of us how real and vulnerable we can be with each other."

Soda read the third card: You're here, so you have the chance to heal and recover. You have the chance to live life and feel better.

Steve put his hand on Soda's shoulder, as he took in the nature around them, the earth ripe with the rawness of creation. "There's something I said to you before that I don't think was right."

"There is? What?"

"I told you the only thing you had to do was give it time."

"Yeah. You did. How could that not be right?"

"Because it sounds nice and all that, but it's only partly true. You do need time, but that all by itself doesn't do anything. If it did, I wouldn't have gone through so much years after I was abused."

"But that's cause you didn't talk about it at all. So time couldn't help."

"Yeah, you're right about that. I was just thinking though. Me and you both have been through some really rough patches, and it's like this cycle because time always has a way of bringing stuff back, even when it helps us recover. The problems don't heal once and never affect us again. Trauma doesn't work that way."

"Of course it doesn't. I didn't take what you said about giving it time like that either. I knew you weren't saying stuff would be erased. You just wanted me to see how far I'd come by talking about everything and being honest. I remember you said the pain was losing power, and I was starting to find some peace. You were right about that too. I was a lot better, and that's why I was able to cope when it got hard again."

Steve put his arm around Soda, his gaze fixed on the ground where they sat, as he searched within himself for the right words to convey his thoughts. "You give me a lot of credit, man. But I think I'd say something different now, if I had it to do over."

Soda tilted his head, so that he met Steve's eyes. "So do it over then. Tell me what you think now, Stevie. I give you a lot of credit because you tell me the truth, and you always say what's on your heart. I mean, even when you've gotten real scared and frustrated, I could see where it comes from, so it's not something I ever need to doubt. I know it's always out of love."

"Damn right, buddy. Okay then. I'll do this over again because there's always more you can do. You don't ever have to give anything time because it carries on by itself anyway. But what you can do is keep sharing and keep having compassion for yourself. You're going to have bad days and stumble. That's all part of healing, and I won't ever pretend it's not, especially when you can see it in me. So don't stop being open, brother. Not even on good days. I sure won't deny there are some tough ones coming up though, and when they do, you'll have all you need to handle those moments and emotions. You won't have to just rely on time and hope, you'll be ready."