A/N: Hey all! This fic hasn't taken a hiatus since October, and my carefully built queue of pre-written chapters has finally run out. I need a month to regroup and work out the details of the ending. This story will resume in May 2021! (It'll be the only story on hiatus in April)

Chapter 33 - Good bye

Lex spent the evening at the mansion packing, and the night tossing and turning in his bed at the Kent house while the darkness taunted him about how he should use Clark's powers to his own advantage. It was easy enough to ignore on its own, but he knew Clark would be arguing for its side by the time he went to say good bye.

When the first rays of sunlight came through his window, he gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs to the kitchen. His mom was already awake, peeling apples at the sink. He approached her quietly, and she turned to greet him. She smiled gently, continuing to peel the apples. "Morning, sweetheart," she said softly.

"Morning, Mom."

They were silent for a moment. She didn't make any attempts to come toward him or embrace him, and he didn't step toward her. He couldn't quite bring himself to meet her eyes.

Finally, she set down her peeler. "Any ideas when you might get back?"

He'd been afraid she would ask. "If I get lucky, I might wrap this up in a month or two."

"And if you don't get lucky?"

"I won't come back at all."

Her eyes sparkled. "You think he'll kill you?"

"He'll try. There's also a chance I might not come back . . . as me."

"We still won't give up on you."

His breath caught. "You will. You should."

"I made you a promise, Lex.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know what I'll become."

She looked down and took his hand. "Can I tell you something about Clark? It's not dangerous for you to know."

"Do I need to know?"

"Yes."

He nodded. He trusted her completely. "Okay."

She gently stroked the back of his hand with her thumb as she spoke. "You remember the Nicodemus plant that infected Jonathan and Lana and a few others?"

"That was my fault," he said. It had been one of the most shameful weeks of his life.

"I doubt that." She raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, that's not the point. There's a . . . drug, sort of, that has a similar effect on Clark's . . . species. It makes him reckless and spontaneous. There was a week when he stole all of our credit cards and tried to get you to run away with him—"

"He was on drugs?"

"That time, it was an accident. We didn't know any better. This last summer, after my . . . miscarriage—" her voice softened after that word— "he drugged himself on purpose. For three months."

Lex felt his mouth hanging open, but he didn't care. He couldn't have spoken if he'd wanted to.

"He ran away to Metropolis. He stole, a lot. He hurt people, and we thought we had lost him. We thought he was gone, that we'd never see him again. We'd lost the baby, and you, and him, and then we lost the farm . . ." Her eyes filled with tears.

"Mom, I—I had no idea." Lex pulled her into his arms.

His mom gripped onto him, shaking, for a brief moment before she pulled away and held his shoulders. "I'm sorry, I—I didn't mean to, um . . . What I'm trying to say is . . . Clark's done some things he can't take back. But we'll always take him back."

"He's your son."

"And so are you."

Lex nodded, eyes stinging. "I understand."

She pulled him in for one last hug, and he let his eyes fall closed. Over the months, he'd allowed himself to become used to this—not quite to take it for granted, but he certainly didn't savor every embrace the way he did when his place in their family was new, or when he first returned from the island. Now, he felt her arms around him as though her embrace was new to him again, and he felt his tears fall.

His mom patted him on the back when he finally let go. "I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Your father is out back, and your brother's in the loft."

He nodded and left the house for the last time in awhile.

Lex went to visit his dad first. His father was down on his hands and knees in the dirt, pulling weeds. He didn't look up when Lex approached him.

"Dad?"

His dad yanked out a nasty weed, taking the root with it. "Lionel hurt you, didn't he? Physically. Yesterday."

Lex swallowed. "Mom tell you?"

"No." He threw aside the weed.

"How did you know?"

"The way you were flinching, the-the sudden decision to move out to Metropolis."

Lex hung his head.

His dad's eyes pierced his. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"He'd already hurt me. Telling you would just mean you would suffer, too."

"That's what family does."

"Then I still have a lot to learn."

His father stood, taking off his gloves and dropping them on the ground. "Son, do you think he'll stop hurting you if you move out there?"

"No, I don't." Lex was under no impression that Lionel would stop hurting him. The eleven years since his mother's death, twelve since Julian's, fifteen since he'd lost his hair, twenty-four since he was born . . . they had proven that. But Lionel was more on his guard with Lex commuting from Smallville, and he seemed to feel the need to make up for lost time when he knew Lex was spending time with the Kents.

Of course, those reasons had all faded into the background as soon as Lex had learned Clark's secret. Protecting him was the most important thing.

"But . . ." Lex licked his lips, searching for the words. "I have to go anyway. I know it's all a game, and I know it's rigged against me, but I feel like I've been playing with only one hand. And it's important. I have to win this, and it's too dangerous to bring Clark into it."

His dad looked him right in the eyes. "Son?"

"Yes, Dad?"

"Do what you need to do. I trust you. Heck, I'd have trusted you whether you decided to bring Clark along or not. You've earned my trust. And I'm sorry that it took more effort on your part than it should have."

Lex nodded, his eyes stinging, and he stepped into his father's open arms. He tried to remain strong, gripping firmly but briefly, but he felt more like a scared child clinging to his dad for dear life.

His dad let go and clapped him on the shoulder. "You come home in one piece, do you hear me? That's an order."

"Or what?" Lex smiled. "You'll ground me?"

His father returned the smile. "For the rest of your life."

Clark was lying on his back on the couch in the loft, throwing and catching a tennis ball.

Lex approached the top of the stairs slowly. He waited a moment to see if Clark would acknowledge him before saying, "Hey, Clark. I'm heading out."

Clark just kept throwing and catching the ball.

"Just, uh, came to say . . ." Lex swallowed. He couldn't actually get the word out.

Clark still didn't say anything. He didn't even look toward Lex.

Lex sighed, walked over to where Clark was, and lowered himself down onto the couch opposite from Clark, lying on his back and staring up at the wooden rafters. He wished he knew what to say to his little brother—Clark had thought revealing his secret would convince Lex to stay, and it had only convinced him to move out sooner. Lex didn't know how to convey to him that he wasn't rejecting him.

It didn't matter. It was more important that Clark was safe than that he knew how much Lex loved him.

Clark let his breath out. "Remember when Earl Jenkins broke into the plant and took all those people hostage?"

"Yeah?" Lex smiled a little at the memory—it had been a painful day, but it was the first time Clark's mom had invited him over for dinner. It had been the start of his journey to become a Kent.

"There was a brick wall in front of the elevator that lead to Level 3. I broke through it with my fists. If I hadn't done that, you might have died."

Lex swallowed hard. "I probably would have."

It was quiet again for a long time.

Finally, Clark said, "Remember when that Talon contractor kidnapped you and had you tied up in Club Zero, and he pushed you over a balcony?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"You were going to hit the tile. I pushed a couch under you so you'd land on a soft surface, sped up to the balcony to knock out the contractor, then ran back to the door and jogged in so you'd think I just arrived.

Lex nodded. He'd always wondered how he had survived that one. "I guess I should be thanking you."

"I'd rather you be trusting me. I know I've lied to you a lot—"

"I don't blame you at all, you were right to."

"—but . . . I've helped you so many times. I can help you again."

"LISTEN TO HIM," Lex's darkness hissed at him. "He's your brother, for crying out loud, LISTEN."

Lex turned his head to face Clark. He was still lying on his back, throwing and catching the tennis ball. Lex smiled a little and looked back up at the ceiling. "Remember Victoria?"

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, for a little while. She was trying to take over Lionel's company. I turned her plans against her and took over her father's."

"Wow. That's what that was all about?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"She was one of many. Not girlfriends—well, that too, but . . . one of many people I fought. Remember the mayor who just lost the election?"

"I think so."

"He was corrupt. I drove him out of office to protect the town. To protect you."

Clark scowled and tossed the tennis ball a little higher. "Are you trying to say you don't need me?"

"It's not that." Lex took a deep breath. "Managing the plant has meant going head to head with quite a few adversaries. Reporters, competitors, criminals—"

"Lex, I had no idea."

"You could do so much more. The power you could both wield . . ."

"It wasn't always easy, but I always knew I could win." Lex sat up and face Clark, who caught the tennis ball and looked toward him. "But the war with Lionel just keeps going. He's always one step ahead of me, and I never know if I'm going to come out on top. He's the one adversary I can't beat. The one person I can't protect you from."

Clark threw the tennis ball across the barn and sat up. "Then let me help!"

"Do you know what's going to happen over the next few weeks?"

Clark just stared, fuming.

"First, Lionel will take some time to evaluate whether I've really changed, or if I'm just playing with him. He'll probably test me. It's going to get ugly. When he starts to trust me, he'll allow our companies to merge. He'll take over full control, and I'll walk a tight rope with every choice I make to evade his suspicion but also avoid doing anything that would make our parents ashamed of me. And all the while, I've got to keep my dark side from taking over—and that's harder than it sounds, since it would do a much better job in this fight than I will."

"Lex—"

"No, Clark, that's just the start. Once I have the evidence I need to make a good case against him, I'll have to find a way to protect any witnesses, along with the full jury."

"He can't hurt them from in prison, can he?"

"Prison will take away a lot of his power, but it won't all go away at once. He has people on the outside who will remain loyal to him until they're sure he's really gone for good. He'll probably send somebody to kill me, and he'll send assassins after anyone who he thinks helped me."

"He can't hurt me."

"The kid is INVULNERABLE."

"I know that now." Lex couldn't quite push back the darkness's voice anymore. "I was going to move away to make sure he doesn't come after you, but now I know it's more than that. He won't try to hurt you. He'll weaponize you, and that's so much worse."

"Then weaponize him before your father gets the chance!"

"He won't find out my secret," Clark said.

"You don't know Lionel. I've already called too much attention to your family as it is. But if I go now, he'll think that I gave up on you. He'll figure I discovered your secret, and whatever it was, it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't worth staying to investigate or exploit."

"You would never take advantage of me."

"Don't be so sure, Clark."

"You're stronger than your darkness."

"He trusts you. And you won't even take advantage of it. Time was, you knew how to use your resources. You're an imbecile."

"Lionel disagrees. He knows I'm different from him, but he also knows my darkness, and if he knew your secret, he would know exactly what the darkness is saying right now about what I should do with your trust."

Clark's face fell. "It's that bad?"

"This is pathetic. The things I'm going to do when I get control . . ."

Lex shuddered. "Clark, Mom and Dad promised they'd never give up on me, but . . . I need you to make me a different promise."

"What?"

"I need you to promise me you will."

Clark shifted his weight. "W-what do you mean?"

"If I make it out of this alive, but I'm not the same person I was when I went in, you need to promise me you'll fight me. I'd rather die than hurt you. Kill me if you have to."

"No!" Clark stood up. "I'd never!"

Lex stood as well. "Clark, do you love me?"

"Yes!"

"Then promise me."

"No!"

"Damn it, Clark, you said you wanted to help me, now promise!"

Clark's face crumpled. He buried his face in his hands, and his shoulders shook with sobs.

Crippling guilt washed over Lex. After everything, he'd forgotten that Clark was only sixteen.

"Hey, hey." Lex reached out and folded his little brother—who was taller than he was—into his arms, rubbing his back in gentle circles. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't go. Please."

"I have to."

Clark wrapped his arms tightly around Lex, and it occurred to Lex for the first time that he was holding back his strength. He could have snapped Lex's spine like a tooth pick if he'd wanted to.

Lex sighed and rested his head on Clark's shoulder. "I love you, too."

Clark let go and wiped at his tears. "Call us as often as you can."

"I'll try." Lex didn't know how much he'd be able to spare his attention away from his mission, and contacting the Kents would be a huge risk, but completely breaking communication to them would be a risk to his own health as well. "You take care of Mom and Dad."

"I will."

"Alright then. I'm trusting you."

Clark gave him a very slight smile through bloodshot eyes, and Lex left the barn.