Kevin struts into the practice arena with a purpose. He's stewing in his own frustration and he just wants to take out his aggression. He doesn't want to think about Gwen right now but all of her is consuming him.
Her voice, her eyes, her scent, he's drowning in Gwen Tennyson.
He absolutely, positively, isn't thinking about how soft she is and how she easily fell asleep in his arms. Nope, he's definitely not thinking about that.
Kevin growls in irritation and flings open the doors to the arena and bolts straight for the punching bags.
He goes to one of the heaviest bags, it's about half his body weight, which is heavier than most humans, and starts aggressively hitting the bag.
It's pretty worn, and it needs to be replaced soon, but it still works right now and all Kevin wants to do is break the thing off its hook. He'll feel better if he can just destroy something instead of addressing his real issue.
He's always been good at that, avoiding.
Kevin's grunts and his fists plowing into the punching bag are noisy enough that he doesn't hear the doors open to a new late-night visitor.
When Ben's head pokes around and his chipper voice addresses Kevin, it takes a lot of effort and restraint on Kevin's part to not punch through Ben's face.
"Tennyson, don't surprise me like that!" Kevin shouts and throws one more punch to his bag.
Ben holds up his hands in defense and back peddles, "Sorry, I thought you heard me come in big guy." He responds earnestly.
Kevin sighs and grabs his punching bag to settle it so it stops swinging on its chain.
"What are you even doing in here so late anyways?" Ben asks crossing his arms over his chest and leaning on the support beam.
"I just needed-" Kevin starts but cuts himself off. "Never mind, it doesn't matter." He mumbles and turns to start walking away.
"Kev… It's me dude come on." Ben says to him.
Kevin turns his head and sees Ben giving him those big dumb puppy eyes and he breaks in under a minute. He was always a sucker for Ben's stupid puppy eyes, even when they were little.
"I just needed to blow some steam." He says.
Ben just stares at him, he gestures with his hand, waiting for him to elaborate. Kevin rolls his eyes and groans.
"It's Gwen…" He mutters quietly under his breath.
"Huh?" Ben asks, he cups one of his hands up to his ear.
"It's Gwen!" Kevin replies much louder in irritation.
Ben's face falls and scrunches up, "What about her? Are you two okay?" Ben pushes.
Kevin's body stiffens and looks away from Ben, "Yes, we're fine, probably? I don't know. It doesn't matter. She's not going to be able to see me as anything Ben. I just have to deal with that." He says dejectedly.
Ben guffaws at that. He's laughing and laughing until he literally is doubled over holding his stomach and gasping for breath.
Kevin jerks his head at Ben, "What's so funny Tennyson? This isn't a joke!" he shouts at him and snarls.
Ben reaches up a hand to wipe away a stray tear, he's laughing so hard, "Are we talking about the same Gwen? The girl who looks at you like you're a puzzle and she's desperate to solve? The girl who literally, every time I look at you two, has her hands somewhere on you? That Gwen?" Ben asks trying to compose himself.
Kevin's face burns from embarrassment, "This isn't a joke Ben. Don't put it like that, she doesn't- I mean, look at me?" he says using his arms to gesture to his body.
Ben stops laughing and his brows furrow. "I am looking at you Kevin. Gwen doesn't care about that."
Kevin scoffs at Ben and steps closer, "You don't know that. How could she not be repulsed by the sight of me."
Ben's face is hard, "Don't talk about yourself like that, and don't think that poorly of Gwen." He says sternly.
Kevin's resolve is hard and he physically pushes Ben back, "Don't tell me how to look at myself Tennyson." He replies darkly, "I'm a monster and that's all she will ever see in me."
Ben's face is set in fury, "No you're not!" He tries to shove Kevin back, but the force isn't really there, not with his human strength.
"If you think that's how Gwen sees you, go fuck yourself! She sees the best in you, just like me and Rook. You are severely underestimating her." Ben shouts pressing his finger into Kevin's chest, his voice low in irritation.
"You don't know what I've done Ben. I don't deserve her and I've done this to myself." Kevin's spiraling, he knows he is, but the vomit in his mouth won't stop pouring out, "I've hurt so many people, I deserve this. I deserve to be stuck in this hideous body, with no one to comfort me. I'm the problem, I've always been the problem!" Kevin's looking at the ground his shoulders are hunched up and stiff as he keeps going.
"I don't deserve this and I definitely don't deserve her! I'd be better off dead! Everyone would be better off if I was just gone! It's all my fault!"
He's screaming. He feels his lungs burning. He hasn't said any of these thoughts out loud before, but now they won't stop. Kevin's ocean he feels like his always drowning in has turned into a tsunami and he's taking Ben, Gwen, and everyone down with him.
Kevin feels a fist collide with his face and it shocks him enough to stumble back a few paces.
Kevin's face stings and he brings his hand up to touch the tender, definitely bruising, flesh on the left side of his face. His eyes widen as he sees Ben breathing heavily with tears brimming his eyes.
"Stop talking about yourself like that!" he shouts at Kevin.
Kevin reels back and screams at Ben, "Why should I?! It's the truth! Tell me I'm wrong!"
Ben comes closer to Kevin and gets in his face, even while he's half Kevin's full height.
"You are wrong! Nothing about you is your fault Kevin!" he exclaims, he's fists are clenched tightly at his sides as he glares at his best friend.
Kevin thinks Ben might punch him again.
"How is it not my fault? I did this-" he doesn't get to finish because Ben's voice interrupts him in a broken, shaking screech.
"It's my fault!"
Kevin's silent and he looks at Ben in confusion. His own self-loathing gets pushed to the back as he sees Ben curling in on himself and making him body look smaller than ever.
"It's always been my fault! If I never had this Omnitrix or if I had just stopped you from grabbing it!" He looks up at Kevin, his tears are spilling over as he looks at Kevin in anguish.
"God even if I had just gone after you! I was afraid of you and you're my best friend! Who the hell is afraid of their friends?! It's my one job as your friend and god, even as your knight! I couldn't even do that for you!"
Ben's face is crumbled and he's saying things Kevin knows aren't true, but he knows Ben believes them with his whole heart. His stupid big heart.
"It's never been your fault, it's mine." Ben says looking at him fiercely, "So don't you dare say we're better off without you, because that isn't true." He bites out bitterly.
Kevin and Ben stare at each other in a tense silence, both are shaking and breathing as if they've run a marathon.
Neither knows how long the silence lasts, but Kevin breaks it first.
"How," he pausing trying to gather his thought, "how long have you felt like this?"
Ben takes a shaky breath, "Since the day it happened." He whispers.
"What about you? How long?" he returns the question.
Kevin swallows hard, "When I saw your face that day…" he admits truthfully.
Ben sighs and runs a hand through his hair and looks up.
"You had every right to be scared… I can't say I wouldn't have reacted any differently." Kevin adds on.
Ben inhales sharply and looks at Kevin in the eyes, "Do you hate me?" he blunders out quickly.
Kevin's eyes widen, "Never, I have never hated you Ben Tennyson…" he says with full sincerity and force.
He sees Ben's body relax as if a massive weight has been lifted.
He pauses, "Have we spent all these years only hating ourselves?"
Ben starts laughing, it's broken and almost like a sob, but it's a laugh. "I think we have."
The two young men stare at each other and realize what a disservice they've done to each other.
"Why haven't we talked about this before?" Ben asks softly.
"Because when I came back, it was like I never left, you didn't skip a beat. You never acted like I had disappeared. I just thought-" Kevin pauses and takes a deep breath.
"I just thought we could go back to normal if we didn't talk about it." He says in disappointment.
"I did too." Ben agrees, "That's why I acted like that. I was so afraid Kevin… but not of you anymore." Ben looks at Kevin and takes a deep breath, "I was afraid you would leave again."
Kevin's face is confused, "You were afraid I'd leave?" he asks for clarification.
"Yes, Kev I was!" Ben huffs in exasperation throwing his hands up, "What else would I think? You were gone for six years dude! So, forgive me for worrying that you could bolt at any second!"
"I'm sorry Ben." Kevin says in full sincerity.
"I'm sorry too." Ben says in the same tone.
"We're pretty stupid huh?" Ben states, kicking the ground with his foot.
Kevin chuckles at him in agreement, "Yeah, I think we are."
The silence that follows isn't as tense as before. There's still a lot that's left unsaid. They won't unpack that tonight. They've opened the door though and that's a start.
Ben punches Kevin's arm affectionately, "You know you're still underestimating Gwen." He says, tone lighter than before.
Kevin looks at Ben's face, the bags under his red rimmed eyes, the exhaustion of whatever fight they just had. Kevin doesn't have it in him to fight anymore.
"Am I? I don't see what you do." He claims.
Ben sighs and shakes his head, "You both look at each other with the most love-struck gaze. I know because that's how I look at Rook every day. She looks at you dude, like,"
Ben pauses trying to find the right words, "she literally looks at you like it's the last time she'll ever see you again. She takes everything in, like she's worried she won't get the chance to see you again for the rest of her life. She analyzes you like she does her spells, she's breaking you down to the tiniest pieces and she thinks all of them are important." Ben finally settles on that description.
Kevin's floored, his mouth is dry and he can't respond to that.
Ben smirks at him, "Don't say she thinks you're a monster. She's probably the only one who sees you for exactly as you are; Kevin Levin, the prince of this kingdom and a pretty great person who puts everyone else first."
Kevin's mouth is clamped shut, he feels his face heating up. That can't be true. Gwen couldn't possibly see him like that, Ben's just blowing hot air.
"Maybe it's time you saw yourself that way too." Ben says gently smiling at him. "She deserves that much, don't you think?" he asks.
Kevin nods his head in agreement. Maybe it was time he started looking ahead of him instead of what was already done.
"You know you're not always full of it. I'll think about it Tennyson." Kevin replies smiling crookedly at Ben.
"I love you too buddy." Ben laughs and slaps Kevin's back.
Kevin just rolls his eyes and walks out of the arena with Ben.
Ben Tennyson, his knight, wielder of the Omnitrix, but most importantly, his best friend.