Chapter Forty-Four: The Light

Emma called Regina the next day. And the next. And the next. She texted her. Left voice mails. And emails. Nothing! Regina ignored every single attempt Emma made. Elsa told Emma to give her some time, to let her process everything, but how could Emma do that? How could she go on knowing she hurt Regina this badly? And more importantly, how could she start to make everything right again?

The come back to work was terrible. Emma showed up Monday morning looking like hell. She had spent the whole weekend crying. Elsa didn't open the ice cream shop the whole weekend, she didn't want to leave Emma alone. Emma told her everything over and over and over again, trying to figure out exactly when things started to go downhill. Elsa advised her. Held her when Emma couldn't stop crying. Forced her to eat. Prevented her from drinking. She even drove Emma to work that Monday morning.

Emma didn't focus on her job. How could she? Her mind was a spiral of Regina. She needed to make everything right again. David tried to talk to her but she was nothing but harsh and vague and at some point, that day, he gave up. He told her to go back home earlier but what home? Regina was her home. Elsa arrived at five to pick Emma up. She tried to strike a conversation with Emma in the car, but once again, Emma didn't listen. Her mind was clear of any thought now. She was numb. Every movement, every action was nothing but automatic.

They walked upstairs to their loft and Emma nearly fell on the floor when she saw what was in front of the door. Three bags with what Emma knew was everything she had taken to Regina's house when they moved in together. Her whole life of belongings. Elsa helped Emma inside the loft and then hid away the bags. She made Emma tea and they sat down on the couch. Emma wanted something stronger. Something to numb the pain. Something to make her forget. But she knew she couldn't. Not after the accident. Not after what happened with Ruby. All shit in Emma's life happened after she drank too much. It was easy, to blame the alcohol. Guilty free. It wasn't me. Except that it was and Emma had promised herself she would never drink again, at least not to the point of forgetting who she is.

She stopped calling Regina that day. She listened to Elsa and decided to give her some time, she owed her that much. The days at work were just more of the same. Take a file, read a file, put it in the system, repeat. That was all Emma could handle right now. In the loft, it was the same. Elsa would make them dinner. Emma would take a fork, a knife, a spoon put food on it, bring it to her mouth, chew, swallow. She didn't have to think about any of those things. The late nights were the worse. Emma couldn't sleep and the quiet of the night didn't help to make her brain stop spinning. She lost everything and she was the sole responsible for it. Acknowledge that was the worse!

After a week of barely existing, Emma woke up feeling a little be better on a Saturday morning. The day was bright and Emma wasn't feeling as sad as she has been the whole week. She got out of the bed and took a shower. She changed into clean clothes. Brushed her hair. She walked downstairs and decided to make something nice for Elsa. She had been such an incredible friend to her, Emma could never thank her enough. She made breakfast. Eggs and bacon, her specialty. She made toasts, crispy and buttery. She melted cheese and put it on top of the eggs and then she made fresh, steamy coffee.

"Emma?" Elsa asked still in the stair.

"Morning, Els," Emma said with a bit of a smile.

"What's all this?"

"Breakfast"

"Yeah, I can see that" Elsa smiled "You made all this?"

"Yep! You know I'm the breakfast Goddess" Emma joked "Come on, sit down. Let's eat while everything is still warm"

"You are feeling better this morning?" Elsa asked.

"I am, yes," Emma said and poured a cup of coffee to her friend.

"That's great, Emma," Elsa sipped her coffee "I was really worried about you"

"I know," Emma said "I'm sorry"

"No, don't apologize," Elsa said "I'm just happy you better now"

"Me too"

"Are you working today?"

"Yes. I have my first night shift today"

"Are you sure you are ready for that?"

"Yeah, I… I need to start putting my life on track again, you know?"

"I do"

"I'm going to stop by at the mansion this morning,"

"Did Regina call you?"

"No, I haven't heard from her since it happened," Emma said "But we need to talk. Really talk"

"Yeah, you do,"

"So, you don't think that's a bad idea?"

"No, I don't," Elsa said "You gave her space to clear her head. I think you two need to have a real conversation now"

"Thank you, Els," Emma said sincerely "For everything"

"That what friends are for," Elsa smiled "Now, give me that plate with eggs and cheese"

Emma laughed, a real laugh, and the sound felt almost weird to her ears. She pushed the plate closer to Elsa and watched as her friend put a generous number of eggs with melted cheese and bacon on top of a toast. Emma did the same even though she wasn't all that hungry.

She left the loft after breakfast. She stopped outside her car and looked up at the sky. The warm sunlight touched her face in contrast with the cold wind, and Emma felt genuinely happy to feel something again. She wasn't numb to herself anymore. She opened the bug's door and drove to the mansion. It felt so strange not to call that her home anymore even though it got nothing to do with the walks and bricks and everything with the person living inside.

She walked to the front door and rang the bell. She patiently waited for an answer but nobody showed up, so she rang again. And again. Emma started to feel worried. What if something happened to Regina? She reached inside her pocket and insert her key on the lock. It didn't even twist. Emma wasn't particularly surprised by that but she wasn't prepared for the hurt that crossed her heart either.

"Regina" Emma knocked on the door "Regina are you there?"

"She's out of town"

Emma heard a voice say behind her. She turned around and saw Sidney the Senior journalist of The Mirror in Regina's garden. He had an apron covering his clothes even though his hands were all dirty with what Emma thought was manure.

"Where is she?" Emma asked.

"I don't know," Sidney said, "She asked me to water her plants while she was gone"

"When did she go?"

"Two nights ago," Sidney said "She didn't look very well"

"What you mean by that?"

"She looked like she had been crying when she came to the house,"

"Are you sure you don't know where she is?"

"Sorry, I don't," Sidney said "But when her phone rang, she told someone named Katheryn she was on her way to the airport"

"Katheryn?" Emma asked.

"Yes, I don't know if that helps…"

"It does," Emma said "Thank you, Sidney"

"I like her, you know"

"What?"

"Regina. She's a good neighbor"

"Right," Emma said "Thanks for taking care of the plants"

"My pleasure"

"Let me know if you need anything," Emma said "Just call the station and I'll get anything you need for the garden"

"Sure"

Emma entered the bug and drove to the marines. She needed somewhere quiet to think. If Regina got a call from Katheryn there was a good chance she was in New York. Emma could drive there, it would only take four hours for her to arrive in New York, three if her little bug could handle the speed. The only problem was, Emma had no idea where did Katheryn live.

She fished her cellphone from inside her jacket pocket and looked for Katheryn's number. Should she call and ask her for the address? She probably hated Emma right now, and honestly, Emma didn't blame her. She hated herself too. She taped on Katheryn's name and brought the phone to her ear. The phone rang once and twice and then:

"Yes?"

"Hi, Katheryn, it's…It's Emma"

"I know. What do you want?" Kathryn said harshly.

"Is Regina there with you?"

"You know, you have some nerve"

"Katheryn, please"

"Yes, she is with me"

"Is she okay?" Emma asked.

"What do you think?"

"I know I fucked up," Emma said already feeling the familiar tears "And I promised you, I am going to fix it"

"It's too late for that"

"Just tell me where she is"

"No!"

"Katheryn, please,"

"Don't call me again,"

Katheryn hung up the phone and Emma had to close her eyes to suppress a scream. She turned the engine on and quickly drove back to the loft. She parked the bug carelessly out on the street and jogged up the stairs as fast as she could. She opened the door all at once and didn't pay attention to Elsa's scared face when Emma barged inside the apartment.

"Emma?" Elsa called after her "Emma, what's wrong?"

"I have to go to New York"

"Why?"

"I need to find Regina"

"What?" Emma asked "What are you talking about?

"Regina is in New York with Katheryn," Emma said "I need to find her"

"Did she ask you to go there?"

"No," Emma said pulling random clothes out of the closet and throwing them in bed.

"Emma, stop," Elsa said pulling Emma's elbow.

"Elsa, I have to go," Emma said pushing away from her friend.

"No!" Elsa said firmly "You are not going after her"

"Yes, I am"

"No, you are not, Emma," Elsa said "It's not time yet"

"You just said this morning that we needed to talk"

"That was before I knew she left town," Elsa said "She obviously needs more time"

"She needs to know how I really feel about her"

"Emma, she knows"

"No, she doesn't," Emma said "She doesn't and it's all my fault"

"Going after her will only make things worse,"

"I can't just stay here while she out there…" Emma started to cry "While she is out there thinking I don't love her. That I don't care about her"

"Regina is hurt, Emma," Elsa said "And if you don't give her time to breathe, you will lose her for good"

"I can't just do nothing," Emma said.

"Maybe this is exactly what you need to do," Elsa said softly "Wait until she comes back. Then you can't talk to her"

"What if she doesn't want me anymore?"

"She has the right not to"

Emma sat down in bed and closed her eyes. She felt the mattress sink next to her and then Elsa's hand squeezed hers.

"I know it hasn't been easy, Emma," Elsa said "But no matter what you do, it's up to Regina now"

Elsa left Emma's room leaving her alone. She wanted to go to New York, but Elsa was right. If Regina needed more time, that was exactly what she was going to give her. She took her phone out of her jacket pocket ad called Regina. The call went straight to voicemail.

"I love you," Emma said "Please, give me a second chance"

She stayed in bed until it was time for her night shift.

Emma picked up every single night shift after that day. She would work at night and spend the morning in bed. She didn't take a day off and often she offered to cover her colleague's shift. Every night, after her rounds, Emma would park the Sheriff's cruise in front of the mansion. She would just stay there and watch the house. It was always dark, lifeless, except for the garden. Sidney did a good job taking care of that and he often called Emma to ask her for fertilizer or some particular seed.

A whole month had passed by since the day everything happened. Regina never returned her calls or her texts. She never came back home. For a whole month, Emma stayed up all night staring at a dead house. She was late tonight, for her 'Mansion Watch' as she was calling it in her head. Leroy had gotten drunk and nearly drowned when he jumped the troll's bridge that night. The river waters were high and Emma nearly drowned herself trying to get the man out. If the alcohol didn't kill him Emma certainly would if he ever made her jump in a frozen river again. She took him to the hospital where he would stay the night for observation. Emma changed clothes in the Station before telling the Deputy to call her cell if something else happened. She parked the cruise in front of the mansion and stared at it, but something was different tonight. The house was still dark but curtains were open and so was one of the windows. Emma leaned in the seat to take a better look at it when she saw a figure by the window. It was Regina, she could recognize her silhouette anywhere. Emma's heart raced inside her chest while she tried to remember how to breathe again. She was home. Regina had come back. A light was switch on in the room and Emma felt like Regina had just switch the light in her heart again.