Shiro went about the rest of his day in a haze. He walked out of his math class without processing a single word that came out of his professor's mouth, then proceeded to sit on the edge of his bed in his dorm and stare at the wall. Despite the many thoughts that raced through his mind, Shiro felt as if his head was empty. Not a single thought nor feeling stilled long enough to be more than a fleeting word or image behind his eyes.

A sudden prick in his thigh finally drew Shiro from his dazed stupor. He glanced down in search of the offender only to find Eurus looking back at him.

"Watch the claws, Eurus," Shiro reminded as he scratched behind his cat's ears. Eurus leaned into his hand and closed her eyes contentedly, and for a moment, Shiro's worries disappeared. Then his phone rang.

Shiro's chest tightened as he stared at his chiming phone. He reached for it, then paused with his hand hovering mid-air when he caught sight of the caller ID. Keith. Shiro ignored the small pang of disappointment that went through him. He ignored the way a part of his brain had been hoping to see a different name on the screen and swiped to accept the call.

"Keith?"

"Hey."

There was a slight pause between the brothers. It was Shiro's turn to speak, but he wasn't sure what to say. Did he bring up the secret conversations? Did he tell Keith he knew? Or should he keep quiet and act as if nothing had changed?

"You still there?" Keith asked.

Shiro shook the thoughts from his head. "Yeah. I'm just…distracted."

Keith was quiet for a moment, then, "You okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"I—" Shiro cut himself off. Usually, he'd say he was fine even when he wasn't. He didn't want to burden anyone. He especially didn't want to burden Keith. His little brother had plenty of his own issues to deal with, and Shiro didn't want to add to the weight on Keith's shoulders. Shiro was the older brother. He was supposed to protect Keith. He was supposed to be invincible. However, after all that had happened, Shiro was tired of secrets. He wanted honestly, and maybe the best way to get it was to first give it.

"Did you need something?" Shiro asked.

"Uh, no, not really. You just didn't call last Friday like you normally do, then didn't call during the weekend, or beginning of the week, so…" Keith trailed off.

Guilt squeezes Shiro's lungs. He'd forgotten all about his weekly call back home to check on Keith. "Oh. Sorry."

"It's fine," Keith assured. 'But really, are you doing okay?"

Shiro paused long enough to take in and exhale a slow, deep breath. "No," he admitted. "I'm not."

Silence.

Shiro waited for Keith to reply. He could almost see what kinds of expressions his little brother's face was running through as Keith searched for something to say. Confusion. Worry. Unease.

"What happened?" Keith asked slowly.

"I know."

"About…?"

"About your conversations with Matt. Finding Najenda through him. What you told him. I know about all of it."

At first, Keith didn't respond. He was quiet for so long that Shiro wondered if Keith had hung up on him. Then he heard the stuttering as Keith tripped on his own tongue.

"I—We didn't—He—"

"I'm not mad, Keith," Shiro interrupted.

There was another pause. "You…aren't?"

Shiro shook his head before realizing Keith couldn't see him. "No. I mean, I was upset at first. It's not like I was happy to hear that my little brother and my best friend had spoken to each other without my knowledge and continued to talk about me in secret. But—" Shiro let out a long breath "—I understand."

"It was an accident…" Keith's tone had deflated as if every ounce of energy had suddenly drained from his body.

"I know."

"And we were worried you'd get upset if you found out—"

"I know."

"You were doing so well, just, overall—"

"I was, Keith. And like I said, I understand," Shiro assured. He did. After a whole day of thinking and replaying the past few weeks of his life over and over in his mind, Shiro understood. Part of his was still hurt, but in the end, he wasn't angry. "Lately, everything's just been…great. I feel better than I've been since, well, ever, I guess. I have a friend who's nice and doesn't give a shit about how I look, my classes are going well, and Najenda has been a huge help. Actually, if not for her, I wouldn't have told you about any of this."

"Really?" The relief that flooded Keith's tone was audible even over the phone.

"Yeah. I mean, you guys were right, too. When I found out that Matt knew…" Shiro trailed off as the cold dread that had been inhabiting his belly began to claw at his insides once again.

"It wasn't his fault. I thought you already told him, but then when I mentioned it, he—"

Shiro interjected. "I know, but I was so worked up, and I—I fucked up, Keith." He sighed heavily and scrubbed his face with his free hand. "It could have been fine, but I just panicked. He tried to explain, but I…" Shiro closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples as they began to ache from how tightly he was clenching his jaw. "I told him to leave."

Once again, there was silence. Keith didn't reply for a moment, and Shiro held his breath as he waited for his little brother to speak.

"Have you talked to him about it yet?"

"No. He's not at school."

"He isn't?"

"I heard he's sick, but…"

"You're worried it has something to do with you."

Shiro hummed quietly in confirmation. "I saw his face when he left, Keith. I was still losing my mind at that point, but that look…" Shiro paused and blinked against the heat that pricked his eyes as a cold wave of regret and guilt left him shivering. "I see it every time I close my eyes."

Keith was quiet on the other end. Then he sighed. "You need to talk to him," Keith insisted. "Go to his house, call, text, whatever. Just do something. You said you aren't mad, but it doesn't sound like he knows that. You need to tell him before he convinces himself that you hate him."

"I know." Shiro growled quietly to himself in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "I know, but what the hell am I supposed to say? Hey, sorry I blew up and told you to leave. Don't worry, I'm not mad. If you're not still sick, want to go see a movie tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Shiro."

Shiro abruptly stood and began to pace. His skin felt like it was crawling, and he couldn't stand remaining still any longer. "I don't know, either. I don't want to go to his house in case his family doesn't know we fought, since I don't want to drag any of them into this. I don't exactly feel like explaining my life story to them, either. They're nice, but even Sam I'm not as close to as I am to Matt. I could call or text, but what if he doesn't answer? What if he thinks I'm pissed and ignores me?"

"You just have to try, Shiro."

Shiro ran a hand through his hair again as his brow furrowed. Then, he suddenly paused. "What about you?"

"What?"

"You guys have been talking for a while. He'll believe it if you tell him I'm not mad, and since he doesn't know I told you that I know about—"

"Shiro, wait," Keith interrupted. "Just—I know you're worried, alright? I get it. Remember when Lance found out I'm gay?"

"Yeah. You avoided him for weeks."

"Exactly. I wasn't planning on coming out to anyone but you, since, y'know… Anyway, remember what happened?"

Shiro frowned. "Mrs. McClain called. She told me Lance wouldn't leave his bed and kept saying you hated him."

"But I didn't. When he found out, I got scared, and I yelled at him. I said I never wanted to talk to him again. That's not what I really wanted, but I was so afraid he'd think I was weird or not want to be my friend because I like guys that I said it anyway. I pushed him away before he could push me away. Then when I heard Lance was upset, I felt even worse."

"You told me to call Mrs. McClain back and tell her you weren't mad—"

"And you told me to go over there and tell him myself. You said Lance might believe you if you told him I wasn't mad, but it wouldn't fix anything unless I told him myself. So I did, and now we still hang out all the time. We trust each other, and we don't worry about hiding things from each other anymore."

A slight smile tugged Shiro's lips upward into a small smirk. "Except that you two obviously like eacho—"

"My point," Keith interrupted, "is that Matt needs to hear it straight from you. Sending a message through proxy doesn't scream 'I'm not mad' like saying it yourself does. Even if it takes a hundred calls and a thousand texts, if you want to fix this, you have to fix it yourself. You taught me that."

Shiro nodded. "I did, didn't I?" He chuckled as his smirk widened into a smile. "Since when did my hot-head little brother get so wise? Maybe hiding a crush for years has made you smarter."

"Shut up!" Keith growled, earning a full bout of laughter from Shiro.

"There it is," Shiro remarked. His expression softened, as did his tone. "Thanks, Keith. Really."

"Yeah," Keith replied. "That's what I'm here for, Shiro. You don't need to deal with everything yourself. It's okay to ask for help."

"I know." Shiro glanced down at Eurus as she wound around his shins and crouched to stroke her back. "Take care of yourself, Keith, and remember I'm here if you need anything, too."

"Of course."

"Talk to you Friday?"

"If you forget to call again, I'm skipping school to drive up to the university and make you talk to me."

"Not with snow on the ground, you aren't," Shiro warned.

"Later, Shiro."

"Bye, Keith, and tell Lance I said hi."

"Tell him yourself, or he won't believe it."

Shiro snorted loudly as the call ended, then tossed his phone on his bed and turned his full attention to Eurus. "I'll talk to Matt, okay? You happy?"

Eurus blinked, and Shiro took it as approval. He glanced at his phone, then his backpack. A text didn't seem like enough, and he didn't want to call Matt and bother him if he really was sick. The two would need to sit down together and have a real conversation face-to-face. Whether it took one conversation or twenty for them to work through this, Shiro wouldn't give up. No amount of awkwardness, apologizing, or explaining outweighed the threat of losing Matt for good.

-000-

Despite Shiro's determination to fix his relationship with Matt through a direct conversation, he wasn't sure how to go about it. Sending a text asking to talk sounded too vague, and he didn't want to scare Matt off by making him think he was about to be officially cut out of Shiro's life. He still didn't want to bother Matt with a call, but he wasn't sure how to see him directly without encountering the rest of the Holts and explaining the situation. The last thing he needed to do was bring more people into the issue.

When Shiro left his aviation class deep in thought Friday afternoon, he stumbled into the perfect opportunity.

"Shiro!"

Shiro searched the hallway around him at the sound of his name and found Sam standing a few feet ahead at the top of the stairs with a manilla folder in hand. He pulled his lips up into a friendly smile as Sam approached.

"How's class going?" Sam asked as he walked with Shiro to the building's main floor.

"It's going okay. Con had to push back a test since he can't proctor alone, so he's been lecturing."

Sam nodded. "I see." He slowed to a stop besides Shiro, and his shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry I haven't been there this week. Matt got sick a few days ago, so I've been staying home to keep an eye on him while Colleen is at work, but… I thought he caught a cold since he'd been outside for a while when I took him home on Tuesday, but it's been three days and he hasn't gotten any better."

Shiro winced. "Really?"

"We couldn't even wake him on Wednesday. He'd gotten up a few times since, but he still doesn't look well."

"Stubborn cold."

Sam nodded again. "I didn't want to leave him home by himself, but he insisted I stop by the school and pick up his homework before the weekend. Only thing is, I… he trailed off. Sam glanced around, then lowered his voice. "I know I'm a faculty member and all, but I haven't really gone anywhere but the aviation building and the IT Center. I'm not quite sure where to find Matt's professors."

Shiro was about to offer to walk Sam to the faculty offices and help find Matt's professors when an idea struck him. "Actually, if you don't mind, I could help," Shiro offered. "If you want to go home and check on Matt, I can stop by the faculty offices and pick up his homework. I should be able to drop it off tomorrow morning."

Sam blinked, then waved his hands dismissively. "Oh, thank you, but I don't want you to go through the trouble."

"It isn't a problem, sir," Shiro insisted. He winced at his eager tone and made an effort to relax it when he spoke again. "I haven't seen Matt in a few days, anyway, so it'll be nice to at least say hi."

For a moment, Sam was quiet, then he smiled and nodded slowly. "Alright. Thank you, Shiro. I appreciate it, and I'm sure Matt will be glad to see you even if he's still not feeling well."

The smile Shiro returned was tight. "I hope so," he said. He truly did hope so.