Eames stood before her bathroom mirror. Her hands gripping the edges of the vanity steadying her body from sinking to the floor. Her face fell hating the fool she saw reflected before her. She fought the urge to avoid the mirror. Eames grabbed a makeup wipe from her medicine cabinet before replacing the mirror before her. She slowly began to remove the makeup off of her skin. Her armor. The palette left colorful smudge marks upon a scrunched up face wipe like an abstract piece of art. Tears started full stream across her face, a dark murky gray mess that accentuated the aging marks she sought to hide under her makeup. She grabbed a handful of water and splashed it on her face

How could I be so stupid? but she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face.

I was probably the only one who didn't know what was going on. Everyone took their jabs, talking about me behind my back and here I stood by his side campaigning for him like an idiot. I might as well have been window dressing for as much as I knew or rather didn't know. Everyone tried to warn me but I thought I knew my partner, the man I've been in a relationship for quite some time. He always had my back and I had his. Trust was there. Wasn't it? Now, I'm not so sure. I have an idea where I fall in his line of priorities. He made himself clear by his actions to put his badge before his loyalty. The thing was if he had at least clued me in, I would have followed suit. I would have supported him. Hell, I have been supporting him. I would follow him anywhere and that was the problem, wasn't it? I was too available.

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting and trying to prove myself. If my best friend, boyfriend, partner could not see my worth, what is the point? He was the one person I thought I could rely on. Boy, did he pull the wool over my eyes. I guess everyone is dispensable when it comes to his shield. My captain didn't respect me enough to let me in on the plan to bring Goren back and have him undercover. It felt like the buddy boy system all over again. My presence didn't matter until they needed me to help them get something done. Outside that, I was ancillary. It seemed as all women officers were. How much did we need to prove our worth, again and again? Melago was right. We were underrepresented and underappreciated. My lineage only set me apart as my worth as the daughter of an officer in the eyes that my father served. A male claim. Had it been my mother, well then, it may not have helped much. I am senior partner. When Goren began undercover, I should have been notified regardless if it came from Goren or not.

She put on some sweats and a t-shirt, grabbed the bottle of vodka and lounged on the couch. If she could forget this day, she would but it all played on a loop in her head. For every stream of tears that fell from her eyes she took a hefty swig, desperately wanting to quiet her mind and her heartbreak.

Goren arrived at her home shortly after, hopefully giving her enough time to calm down. He inserted his copy of her key and turned it, opening the door. She was sitting on her couch feet tucked under her, eyes red and wet.

She was still very angry and her nerves were still shotty after almost shooting Goren. As soon as she heard the key unlock her door and saw Bobby's face as he entered, she was quickly to her feet and already making her way toward him. She couldn't do this right now.

"Get out Bobby, I'm done!" She attempted to close the door and push at him as if his very presence inflicted a physical pain to mirror her mental anguish.

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"No. See, You don't have a choice. This is my house and I want you to leave." She teared up some more as she tried to push him closer to the door. Damn him for seeing me this way. Damn him for causing this.

"You want to scream at me some more, fine but I'm not leaving." He caught her and hugged her hard afraid to let go. "I'm sorry, Alex." He had tears forming in his eyes. "Don't push me away. I had to do it for both of us."

"Bullshit." She pushed him away, "You did it for you, and you know it. You didn't once think of me because if you did, you would have not put me in that position."

"Alex, you know I was miserable without my job. It was going to ruin us. I needed to get back to you and back to our partnership."

"Partnership? Partners trust each other. You should have trusted me like I've trusted you."

"I do trust you. It wasn't about that."

"No, you didn't. I have had your back countless times. And when it comes to it, you don't have mine." Her words dashed out violently and desparately like poison soaked daggers flying in his direction with force.

He stood there taking in her words opening and closing his mouth trying to find the right words but none were coming.

"Together we could have figured it out but you kept me out of it and well you dug your own hole. I'm not helping you work your way out of this. That's your job to climb out."

Goren could tell she had been drinking even without witnessing the half empty bottle of vodka at the foot of the couch. For the most part, she appeared stone cold sober but Eames became more emotional when she drank especially when she was hurt and angry. He witnessed it first hand after tough cases. It started out as a margarita and as the years went by and the cases became more difficult, it became double vodka martini's or shots of Jameson. Each time, her emotions would bubble up to the surface. Goren would sit across from her listening as she would rant and rattle off her pain. Then, he would take her home, making sure she got in safely. He had started to get distracted thinking back until Eames brought his attention back.

"Are you even listening to me? And what was that groveling you were doing back there? You'd trade loyalty for a dinged up badge. Pathetic."

"If I told you, they wouldn't have given my job back. Don't you get it? I begged Ross to let me tell you but they wouldn't budge."

"Not an excuse, Bobby. Do you not think I could keep a secret? Do you know how many times I've kept your secrets and lied for you? You could have told me at least then I would have known what I was going into."

"I didn't think it would have gotten to that. You think I would willingly put you in a position to have a gun on me?"

"You got that right, you didn't think. If I wasn't the first person through that door, they would have killed you. KILLED YOU, do you understand now."

"I know. Dammit, I know. Ross basically told me this was a suicide mission and that they didn't have my back. They were testing me, punishing me. If I refused, they would never let me back and you would have to take a new partner. I would be black balled."

She put her hands on her face and rubbed it. She wanted to forget her anger. She would give anything to push this aside. She wanted him; to hold on desperately and be glad she didn't lose him but it wasn't enough and she wasnt drunk enough yet to dismiss what he did. Her anger was keeping her focused and clear headed. And at the moment, she couldn't stand to look at him.

"I've already lost one man I loved to this job. He was undercover, too. He thought he was invincible just like you but you know how that one turned out."

"I'm not Joe."

"No, you're not but you are the man I'm in love with and my partner, emphasis on partner. I should know your plans ahead of time, not find out while I'm only several feet away with a bunch of cops strapt with guns and clueless they are about to gun down one of their own."

"Psht" she exhaled, " You know what? You got your wish. You got your job back but lost me in the process."

"C'mon Alex. You don't mean that?"

"Don't you dare tell me what I mean or don't mean."

"You are just angry and your head's not clear."

"I'm as clear-headed as they come. My answer is not going to change."

"No. You're emotional-"

"Don't you try to pin this on emotions. If i was a man, you wouldn't be blaming emotions."

"No if you were a man, I don't think we'd be in this situation."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I just mean-ya know we are in a relationship and that complicates things and I think that's clouding-"

"Goren, if you finish that sentence, I will kill you myself. I swear."

"I can't take anymore. Consider the complication solved. I need you to leave now."

"I'd forgive you, if it w-was you. I wouldn't hold it against you."

She laughs. "Here's where we are different Goren. I'd never do that to you and I would not find myself in that position. I'm not reckless. I won't repeat myself."

With that, Goren walked to the door, stopped in front and turn to grab a quick glance. She wiped her eyes and returned toward the direction of the couch. He opened the door about to walk out.

"Goren..."

He looked back a little hopeful "yeah?"

"Keys" she then motioned to the end table for him to leave them there.

He romoved her key from his key ring and placed it on the table. The key made a clink sound as it met the table.

She didn't watch. Instead, she deliberately turned away. Her only clue was the sound of the key and thr dragging, shuffling of his feet as he made his way through the door. Then, the door shut close with echoing bang in her head and she closed her eyes trying not to think of gunfire and Goren on the floor with a bullet in him.