"All right crew, here's the plan." Zim gestured for the group to huddle around him. Skoodge and Tenn fell into formation but Q was more interested in lazing about in the air than he was in listening to Zim's excellent plan. CB grabbed Lard-Nar by the collar and dropped him into the huddle. "Thank you, CB."
"You are welcome, father."
"I don't want to be a part of this mission! It's crazy!" Lard-Nar protested, trying to escape the group, but Skoodge and Tenn held him firmly into place.
"It's fine." Zim assured him.
"I mean... it is a little crazy," Tenn nodded to Lard-Nar, "but it's necessary."
"The Mothra Elite apparently have tunnels that can get us close to the city without having to go back through the wilds." Zim had only learned of these recently, however, he would trust Dae on this. A Mothra Elite had no reason to lie to him. Though, it would have been great information to know before they had nearly been devoured on their way over. "We will take these to get to the city. Then we will surface, blend in oh-so-excellently with the other Irkens, get to the Judgement Hall, plug CB into II and find out who's side she's really on, and then BOOM: perfect victory." Zim made the motion for an explosion with his hands.
"Wait, are we exploding something?" Tenn had been listening intently to the plan. "What are we exploding?"
"I don't know. Maybe II if she ends up being evil." Zim gave a shrug. "Probably something though, for sure. Do you have a gun capable of that?"
"Do I?" She laughed, shaking her head. "In what color?" Her PAK legs sprouted from her back, each holding a weapon in various colors. Zim squinted thoughtfully.
"Zim likes the red one."
"An excellent choice." Tenn nodded, knowingly. She took the red gun and let the others retreat back into her PAK.
"We'll need disguises," Skoodge announced decisively, "we're a wanted lot on Irk. We need something nondescript, something to blend in."
"I could be a Security guard from the landing bay!" Tenn volunteered. "I know a bit about security detail from my Invader training. I did some early shadowing at the landing bay of Graduatia."
"That should work." Skoodge nodded, "I can be your partner. We'll have Lard-Nar as our prisoner."
"Prisoner!?" Lard-Nar protested. "No one captured me! No one can hold the Resisty in a cell!"
"Dude, you were in a cell when we first met." Vero called from where he was watching, sitting on one of the stone seats in the temple.
"No no no no no no no," Lard-Nar shook a finger in Vero's face (as best as he coul reach it) "it was all part of an elaborate plan to kidnap you, which worked!"
"Look, this is a disguise anyway. " Skoodge grabbed Lard-Nar by the shoulders turning him to be back in the huddle. "You aren't really our prisoner, but we need an excuse to get to the Judgement Hall."
"Zim will be Vero!" Zim figured he should have the best position. "No one will question him!"
"Too attention grabbing," Skoodge shook his head. "An amazing Invader such as yourself should be able to blend in no matter what role you play."
"This is true." Zim conceded. "Fine fine, I will be a scientist. That way we can pass CB off as an invention." Skoodge nodded, looking rather pleased.
"That just leaves Q."
"We probably don't need the Parasite." Lard-Nar was still eyeing Q somewhat untrustingly. "It doesn't want to be here. It will probably just leave when given a chance."
"How?" Zim gestured around him. "He can't leave! He is trapped on this planet!" Lard-Nar narrowed his eyes, looking annoyed by Zim's brilliant observation.
"He can fly."
"No, he can't." Zim countered.
"He's literally doing it right now!" Lard-Nar waved a hand under Q who was floating lazily in the air, watching them argue.
"That's more of levitation, not flight. Big difference." Zim shook his head. "He could probably fly if he took the form of something with wings, but then we could shoot him."
"Also, if he could survive in space for prolonged periods, he wouldn't have been chilling out on the ship with us for as long as he did." Skoodge was on Zim's side.
"I could see why you don't trust me," Q opened one of his seven eyes to look down at Lard-Nar. "I could just steal a ship and leave. But then, I wouldn't get my hero status."
"Also," Zim informed him cheerfully, "we would shoot you."
"That would be unpleasant, and my healing is limited without a steady food supply. Unless, of course," the red appendages branched out, snaking toward Lard-Nar, threatening to touch him, "you're volunteering."
"This. This is someone you trust on a top-secret mission?" Lard-Nar was shrinking away from the tendrils.
"I mean all he's doing is threatening you, and Voel does that a lot. We still let Voel be on the mission, so fair is fair." Zim replied with a shrug.
"Why do you even need him on this mission though?" Lard-Nar had backed up a bit, away from the tendrils.
"The Control Brains have no way of detecting him or controlling him, like with you. Our PAKs are our best defense most times, but in this case, they make us vulnerable. This, combined with the fact that he can detect the other Parasite makes him a good ally to have. Assuming he won't betray us the first chance he gets." Skoodge gave a bit of a shrug.
"Isn't that a pretty big fucking assumption given his track record?" Lard-Nar pushed the issue.
"Probably. But we believe his hatred of M will outweigh his hatred of us." Skoodge looked to Q as if for confirmation.
"I mean, it's probably a closer call than you want to know but: I really do hate M more."
"See? It's settled. He'll be a great scout." Skoodge crossed his arms over his chest. "You'll need a disguise."
"Easy." Q's body elongated as he stretched to take the form of Mothra Elite Dae, complete with the veil obscuring the incorrect color and number of his eyes. Zim noted that a few of the eyes actually had migrated to his fake PAK as one of the lights blinked at him.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea." Skoodge nodded approvingly. "All right the quicker we leave, the quicker we can find out how many Control Brains have turned against us." He pressed a button on the disguise mechanism on his wrist and his Invader's uniform quickly changed to the black armor of the Security Detail on the landing bay. Tenn followed his lead. Zim changed his own outfit to match the heavy, white coats of the Science labs.
"Zim..." Voel spoke up, a tad hesitantly. "I know you have this all under control, but..." he looked away a tad sheepishly, "be careful."
"I appreciate the concern, but honestly, Voel, it's not needed." Zim grinned a bit. "This is the kind of thing I was hatched to do!"
"Good. We're counting on you not to die." Therron remarked, a hint if a smile on his face. "I doubt you will though, we could never be so lucky." The insult almost sounded more teasing than sincere, which was strange.
"Your Tallest wishes you luck." Vero called, confidently.
"You're not their Tallest." Voel shot back instantly.
"I mean, technically-" Vero began but Voel wasn't hearing it.
"No. You're still a smeet. A little itty bitty smeet that has no life experience whatsoever."
"I mean he is the only one here with Tallest coding though." Skoodge pointed out.
"No. He's not a Tallest. He is an Itty Bitty Smeet. Did you not hear me? " Voel put an arm on Vero's head trying to make him look shorter than he really was. "Look at how small he is."
"Fuck you old man, I'm going to be taller than you one day." Vero shot back.
"I'm a good Irken and Mothra would never do that to me." Voel countered. He looked back to the small squad of Invaders (and Lard-Nar and Q). "Seriously though, be safe."
"Who would have thought it paid to be average size." Tenn mused as she pulled down her Security goggles.
"I can lead you through the tunnels," Dae volunteered. "I have navigated them before." She stood, Zim suddenly realizing she was actually taller than he had initially thought. She ventured to a statue of Mothra, this one in far better repair than the one outside. She pushed the statue backward and it slid as if on a track. The wall behind the statue slid backward. A PAK leg rose from her PAK, shining a light across the darkened stone hallway. "These passages haven't been used for generations. But I recently brought the refugees through this way, so I should be able to get you all close to the city."
"This... is incredible..." Skoodge looked around in awe. "Was all of this really built without computers?"
"It is all simple mechanisms, no electricity or computers required." Dae walked ahead of them, briskly through the narrow passages. There were no lights, save for the one she was holding. The pale glow washing over the white of her uniform made her oddly reminiscent of one of those ghosts Dib was always going on about. Zim almost wanted to send Dib a picture. Q, especially, looked like a ghost with his shape-shifted veil and PAK of blinking eyes.
"Who built these?" Tenn asked as they turned another sharp corner into a narrowed hall.
"It is uncertain, their existence predates our earliest record." Dae replied.
"Old Irkens, I should think."
"Excuse me?" Dae turned to look back at Q. Zim did not particularly like the way Q's synthetic voice sounded as it reverberated off of the narrow walls creating an unsettling echo.
"You know, Irkens before the PAKs and Control Brains. The old ones. You... didn't think your species started off as cybernetic monstrosities, did you? The Ancient Irkens were different."
"You sure seem to know a lot on this subject." Skoodge didn't sound too convinced of Q's imput. Or maybe he was just bored. Zim could relate as Q was incredibly boring.
"You already know I'm old. I was around when you had your first Tallest. I saw the first and only other recorded use of the War Protocol."
"So, you say." Tenn retorted.
"Maybe I am lying; maybe I'm telling the truth. But Irken History is far from my expertise. I left the moment your PAKs became mandatory."
"We're you hatched here? On Irk?" Zim couldn't imagine a smeetery capable of making a Parasite. That would be the worst smeetery ever. Everyone would clearly have to have been fired.
"Hatched... is a word for it. And it was close enough. The less we go into my species' reproductive patterns the better it will be for all of you."
"You still think it was a good idea to bring him along?" Lard-Nar gestured emphatically at Q who was more toward the rear of the group.
"He can't be detected by computers." Skoodge reminded him, shrugging.
"Neither can I!" He shot back.
"Yes," Skoodge kept his calm, "but Q is harder to shoot. But if you would like to draw fire in case of an emergency, we can send Q back."
"..." Lard-Nar opened his mouth for a moment before shutting it again. "Very well. Continue."
"CB is still in this mission, right?" Zim suddenly realized he hadn't heard from his son since before they had left. He had seen him walking with them, but it wasn't like CB to be quiet.
"Affirmative, father."
"Why aren't you talking? Is it Q?" Zim could understand being deterred by Q's horrible personality.
"Negative. I am fine."
"Mothra Elite Dae, if you could pause for a moment." Skoodge came to a sudden stop. He turned to look back at Zim and CB. "Look, CB, you're kind of a big part of this plan. If something is wrong, you need to tell us."
"Nothing is wrong. I am just focused on masking our signal."
"From what?" Skoodge narrowed his eyes.
"As we get closer to the city, I can feel the Control Brains scanning for outside technology. It is all very general and superficial, but it is taking a good deal of my processing power to keep them out of my head."
"That's... a concerning statement." Skoodge looked to Zim.
"Nonsense. CB is fine. He just said he was fine." Zim knew why Skoodge sounded worried: he didn't make CB. CB was an adopted son to Skoodge. "CB," Zim put a hand on the robot's shoulder, using his PAK legs to elevate himself in order to do so. "You have the processing power to do this and more. I know. I built you."
"I know but..."
"CB, don't be so nervous about using your full potential." Zim lowered his voice a bit. "You've got this, you aren't going to end up like that other computer. I didn't even know that guy so it's not like I gave you his personality. Just some of his mainframe."
"I... I know..." the AI didn't sound as certain as Zim wanted; however, he knew they were pressed for time.
"Come on CB," Zim whacked him hard on the back, "you were made by Zim and Zim never fails."
"This is true."
"Then let's keep going!" Zim used his PAK legs to hoist himself onto CB's shoulders. It did feel remarkably good to be tall. This must have been how Voel, Therron, and Vero saw the world. Skoodge didn't look as convinced as Zim wanted, but nodded to Dae to begin walking once more. It was quite the walk, Lard-Nar grew tired only midway through and had to be carried. Fortunately, Dae had volunteered. It seemed the Mothra Elite were more compassionate toward the weaknesses of the non-Irkens. Zim would have had CB carry Lard-Nar, but he was currently carrying Zim, so that wasn't an option.
There were so many winding corridors that Zim wondered if Dae actually knew where they were going, or if she was simply walking with authority. If she was lost, he wouldn't blame her. He knew he was lost. But he also knew he would never admit it. Eventually, the tunnel came to an end. Dae stepped aside, gesturing to the dusty wall. (The whole system was dusty, if Zim was being honest. The Mothra Elite didn't seem to believe in cleaning these tunnels.)
"This should take you right on the edge of the city," she held her light up to the ceiling and Zim could see faint light for one of the suns spilling in.
"These tunnels don't go directly under, do they?" Tenn asked hopefully.
"No, they would risk colliding with the smeetery or the sewers." She shook her head.
"Well, this is better than going through the wilds..." Skoodge's PAK legs sprouted out and he began to clamber up the wall. He placed his hands on the stone ceiling and slid it open just enough to wiggle out. There was a moment of silence before he slid back in. "All is clear, let's move." Skoodge took Lard-Nar who had woken back up and pulled him out. Zim and Tenn climbed out on their own with CB and Q behind them. They were in a residential district, one right on the cusp of the busy central city of Irk. It struck Zim how... quiet it was. Usually, even in the residential areas, Irkens would be coming and going, living their sad, non-Invader lives (or if they WERE Invaders: living their regular, fulfilling Invader lives). However, there was almost no movement in the houses, no lights on in any of the windows. Everything looked abandoned.
"Censors indicate Irkens moving three hundred yards out." CB was standing still, the lights on his helmet flickering as he scanned the area.
"Right!" Tenn whirled around and cuffed Lard-Nar with a pair of high grade, military cuffs.
"What are you doing!?" The Vortion reeled back, away from her.
"You're supposed to be a prisoner. I'm making it convincing." She replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Do you just... carry those around? Always?" Lard-Nar huffed, straightening himself up, trying (and failing) to pretend that he had not been caught off his guard.
"Doesn't everyone?" Tenn shrugged.
"We will need to observe the Irkens possessed by the Control Brains." Skoodge was keeping his voice a little too low. "Keep all communication through our PAKs." He looked back at Q. "And it's probably best if you just keep quiet."
"You wouldn't know if I was talking anyway."
"You're wearing a translat-" Zim began but in a fluid motion, Q popped the little collar off with one of his pale, Irken claws. "Ah. Touche."
"For the best, the translator didn't sound very convincing as a real voice." Skoodge took a deep breath. "Now please, let's stay together, don't draw too much attention to yourself."
"Right!" Zim echoed through his PAK as they started to head deeper into the city. It was a little bit before they started seeing other Irkens.
Those under the influence of the Control Brains were easy to spot. Zim saw a group if various Irkens walking in complete synchronization with one another. Everything down to the twitch of the antennae was coordinated despite the fact that the Irkens were all assigned to different jobs, judging by their uniforms, and were not standing particularly close together. They were mostly doing mundane tasks, cleaning, cooking, doing maintenance on the many cameras and screens that lined the Irken streets.
"Synchronize our movements, CB." Skoodge instructed as his crimson eyes scanned the populace.
"Are you certain?"
"Yes. CB do it!" Zim was glad he had instructed CB to listen to Skoodge as well, as the robust Invader ordered the Control Brain and CB, though hesitant, did reluctantly obey. Zim felt a strange sensation as his body started to move a little more slowly. It was not a pleasant feeling, but it didn't exactly... hurt. It felt like a strange compulsion to move in an exact way, like invisible strings were tugging his body. As they ventured closer, none of the controlled Irkens seemed to pay them too much mind. Zim's ocular implants did notice something, as the moved into the more crowded aspect of the city.
Irkens, a few of them, one looked to be a maintenance worker, there was a combat PAK technician, and a delivery driver. They were not moving in a synchronized formation like the others. They seemed vastly uneasy by what was around them.
"Excuse me," the PAK technician spoke out loud to a dead-eyed security officer. "We are responding to the summons for off-world Irkens to return to Irk."
"Hello PAK-tech Rin, Driver Glorch, and Maintenance Personnel Shi." The Irken's head popped up as it was addressed. "Welcome home and thank you for responding to our emergency summons."
"H.. have we met?" The Technician withdrew a bit, clearly unnerved.
"All will be explained, Rin." A merchant Irken in in the store front behind the trio spoke up, with an empty smile. "As soon as you all report to your mandatory re-coding." An accounting Irken who had been walking by finished the thought.
"Rin!?" The maintenance worker cried out as she was grabbed on either side by a Security Irken and a Smeetery technician.
"H-hey wait!" The PAK tech looked completely at a loss. A Smeetery Instructor and a Farmer grabbed the delivery driver.
"Come along. It is time for your mandatory re-coding." The Irkens were beginning to all speak in unison.
"We should help them." Zim didn't like seeing powerful Irkens being ganged up on by some stupid, fucking hive mind that was wearing Irkens like a fashionable coat.
"Bad idea. We're horribly out numbered." Skoodge immediately turned down his brilliant plan.
"We can't just sit back while the Control Brains seize these innocent Irken Irkens like an oh-so-delicious snack!" Zim protested. "Plus, that's a PAK-tech! We don't have one of those in our team!"
"You and Vero have been doing fine." Skoodge insisted. "There is too much risk."
"I'm a combat PAK Technician! Why am I being recoded!?" Rin was being restrained by a few of the blank faced, dead-eyed Irkens. "There is an impending war! You need my position!"
"Affirmative, PAK-Technician Rin. However, you are not equipped with the proper coding to perform your job optimally. We will fix you."
"Let me go! What is wrong with all of you!?" The PAK technician had a bit more combat training than her comrades as she was able to briefly throw her captors off of her.
"We have to do something! Zim has an idea!" Zim didn't like seeing this fight unfold. Rin was no one he knew, personally, but just because she had not yet crossed his amazing path did not mean she, or her cohorts, deserved to be turned to robotic mind-mush by the Control Brains.
"Resistance is illogical." All the Irkens spoke in unison. Zim couldn't stand by and let these Irkens be consumed by the enemy. He didn't become Irk's Greatest Invad-entor by sitting idle. He knew CB would obey his command over that of Skoodge or Tenn so the three Irkens moved perfectly in synch as Tenn flung the cuffed Lard-Nar into Q. Skoodge grabbed Rin by the arm. Tenn fluidly grabbed her other arm. Zim used the building to give him leverage as he knocked the PAK technician to the ground.
"Resistance is illogical." Zim, Skoodge, and Tenn parroted the Control Brains' little comment, trying to feign the same dead eyed gaze of the other controlled Irkens.
"Let me go!" Rin was fighting to get up but the three had her pinned.
"Good work, VII." The other Irkens spoke together. "I was unaware you would be patrolling this sector."
"It was not my initial intent." Zim didn't quite have all the words he wanted to say in his head- but he had an idea of the lie he wanted to spin. He could feel Skoodge and Tenn were more alarmed, but both seemed to understand his concept. CB was the one who was processing all of the thoughts into actual words that tumbled out of all three of their mouths. "However, we caught a Vortion spy in the docking bay."
"Do we have any idea which Control Brain this is speaking to us?" Skoodge was thinking as quickly as he could.
"It is not VII as it thinks that's who we are." Tenn confirmed.
"It is not IX either." CB's voice came through the PAK channel. "He would have recognized us, I think... he most likely will be more of the Irkens around Xia."
"Vortion spy? Interesting. Why would a Vortion be interested in the current state of Irk?" Three of the Irkens leaned in toward Lard-Nar, curiously examining him.
"I am a member of the Resisty! The greatest enemy of Irk!" Lard-Nar spoke with surprising confidence.
"This will need to be dealt with." All at once all heads snapped back to look at Zim.
"Affirmative." It was still so weird to talk in unison with Tenn and Skoodge. "That was our course of action when we saw these Irkens, foolishly resisting to help our cause. Since I was already heading that way, perhaps it would be more efficient to take these stragglers."
"Efficient indeed. Very well." The Controlled Irkens all nodded in one rigid movement. "We will accompany you with the other two."
"No need to run yourself thin. I can take all three." CB quickly protested through Zim's mouth.
"That is an illogical decision. This one has shown to be combative. You do not have the Irken presence to hold her as well as the other two, and your prisoner." Suddenly, Zim felt as if they were being watched. It was hard to place where the feeling was coming from, but as he carefully, subtly scanned the area he could see a few of the nearby Irkens staring at them.
"Yes, well... I can see how it might appear this way. But... actually keeping them together will make them easier to transport." That made sense. Right?
"They will be going to the same location. That is not separation." The pressing feeling of eyes watching them only increased as the Control Brain saw through their attempt at negotiation.
"Affirmative. We are all going to the same place." All around more vacant eyes were staring at them. Windows had been flung open and they were surrounded by the empty, smiling faces.
"Of course we are." The Controlled Irkens spoke in that robotic monotone. Zim felt his squeedleyspooch turn as he realized hundreds of eyes were upon them. "And where would that be?"
"Why straight to the docking bay." CB responded through Skoodge with authority. "Obviously."
"The... docking Bay? Are you operating at maximum efficiency?" The leading Irken was the security guard. His head tilting uncomfortably to the side as he stared, unblinking at them.
"Are you?" Zim knew they had to think if a way out. Skoodge and Tenn could focus on that. He had to focus on getting this Control Brain off of their case with his brilliant improvisational skills. CB was merely the mechanism linking them, they could still act individually which gave them the upper hand. "We are obviously going to the docking bay to check the ships for more non-re-coded Irkens."
"Oh. We can have VI look into it." The Control Brain seemed convinced.
"No. We can have you look into it." Zim countered in all three voices.
"I am not assigned to that Sector for patrol, VII."
"Yes, you are. You just got assigned. Did you not get the memo?"
"Me...mo?" The Control Brain was starting to hesitate just slightly.
"The memo from IX. The memo that said you had to patrol the docks."
"No such change was made." The Irkens shifted as one unit into an aggressive stance.
"Father, there is a sewer opening a few feet to the right, you may be able to escape in there." CB spoke up within the mini-Collective within their PAKs.
"Well if you did not get the memo then clearly you are having some sort of defect. I should take the other two prisoners to make sure you don't accidentally throw them off a cliff. Or feed them to radioactive hamsters." As they spoke, Zim was trying to scoot his way to the other two restrained Irkens.
"Radioactive... what?"
"You seriously need to have a system check run. You are speaking as if you have not considered all possible courses of action." Zim grabbed the driver, and Tenn took the maintenance worker leaving Skoodge with the technician. She had stopped struggling and was looking around as if trying to figure out her surroundings.
"Radioactive ham-stars are very bad this time of year." The technician spoke up. "I lost half of our crew to them on the way here."
"Ham-stars ate most of my last cargo shipment." The driver spoke up as well. Ham-stars? Were these Irkens defective? Zim would have shaken his head if he had free range of his movement. It only occurred to him as an afterthought that hamsters were only native to Earth. Only he had witnessed their destructive cuteness.
"There is no data about ham-stars in our system." There was the unmistakable sizzle in the air of weapons charging.
"Did you not get the system update?" That had been CB's idea for improv. Zim was proud his little computer was learning from his expert skill.
"System... update? There was no update."
"There clearly was an update. Ham-stars were added to our bestiary and the loading screen on all Irken personal readers is now mauve rather than pale purple."
"Those are the same color." The Control Brain was slowing down a bit but the guns were still raised.
"You would not know because you did not get the system update. Now I best make sure these new comers get recoded before something gets broken by a ham-star that may have stowed away on their ships. They grip to the underbelly like a gnider." That had been Skoodge's addition.
"This is deception. There is no system update. There are no ham-stars. There is no purple." A shadow fell over the group as something pale and furry crashed to the ground. Red drool was dripping out of a mouth so large it split the head and upper torso in two. It looked vaguely like an Earth hamster in its general shape bit it was quite large the mouth bisected the body all the way past the shoulder joint of the front legs, causing the head to fly open as it let out a horrible screeching noise that sounded just the tiniest bit synthetic. The creature had no eyes, but three sharp tongues that flailed around looking for their target. All at once the weapons were firing at the abomination. Zim bolted for the sewer opening, trying to lift the heavy metal panel that blocked the entrance.
"Sewers have to be opened from within by maintenance crew." The maintenance worker was a little late with the information, but seeing as how she had not been privy to the plan, Zim would forgive her. Just this once.
"One moment, maybe I can-" CB knelt to the panel but as he did it began to shift on its own.
"Brilliant work CB!" Zim grabbed to the panel, helping to pry it up.
"But I did not do anything."
"Everyone in!" Skoodge quickly got the three civilians in before he got in himself with Zim and Tenn. Q dropped Lard-Nar in before sliding in himself.
"Ouch." The voice had come from under Zim who, instead of landing on his PAK legs on the sewer floor, had chosen to land on the Irken that had been opening the hatch. He was a blue eyed Irken, seemed to be tall and broad wearing a rather elegant service uniform.
"Who are you!?" Tenn pulled out two of her guns and pointed them directly at the Irken under Zim. "And why are you here!?"
"Hi!" The Irken waved as Zim hopped off of him. "I'm Gil and I'm looking for my house. But I think..." he squinted in the darkness. "No... maybe...? I think this isn't it..." he was quiet for a moment, surveying the others. "Unless..." he paused. "Unless you are all my roommates."
"Who are you Irkens, what is going on!? What was that thing that attacked us!?" The combat PAK technician, Rin as the Control Brain had called her, was on her feet at once. "I was just bullshitting about ham-stars because I thought you were going to rescue us-"
"We did rescue you, actually." Zim pointed out.
"You... appear to have done so..." Rin seemed less convinced.
"I assume the ham-star was courtesy of our Parasite." Skoodge spoke up gesturing to Q who was floating, so as not to step on the wet, metal pathway or the slimy, foul smelling fluid below.
"Parasite!?" Rin jumped back.
"It is a very long story. The simple version is that I, Zim the great Invad-entor, with the help of Skoodge and Tenn and a lot of other Irkens that are less important at the moment: stumbled on a plot by the Control Brains to eat all the minds of the Irkens so that they can rule over us. They almost succeeded, but they did not anticipate Zim being so amazing!"
"Are you aware that you share the same name as that defect that ruined Impending Doom I?" The driver, Glorch, spoke up.
"Ruined? Ah no. Made better." Zim waved him off.
"Skoodge? Like the dead Irken, war hero?" The Maintenance worker, Shi, asked uncertainly.
"The very same." Skoodge replied dryly.
"You don't look much like the guy on the poster... or like you're dead..." Shi narrowed her eyes. Skoodge sighed, rubbing the area of skin between his eyes.
"Do any of you read Zeke articles?"
"I... no... of course not..." Shi cleared her throat. Suddenly none of the Irkens were looking at them. "They are slander."
"I um... only look at them for the pictures." Glorch added quickly.
"We know that reading them isn't allowed!" Rin defended herself.
"I don't read at all." Gil volunteered. That did not surprise Zim one bit.
"It's okay. He was telling the truth, about all of it. The Tallests were not killed, this is all some crazy conspiracy. In fact, Red and Purple are here on Irk. They came with us." Skoodge explained.
"Yes, but you're dead too, aren't you? So they are probably also dead." Rin didn't look convinced. Zim held up his hand.
"Obviously if we're dead and you're talking to us, then you're dead too, so it doesn't matter if you are committing treason or not."
"Oh shit, that's a good point." Glorch nodded. "Then yeah I read Zeke articles all the time! Everyone does!"
"They are just so fascinating!" Rin looked excited for a moment but she calmed herself back. "So, you came all this way with your Parasite, Vortion, and..." she squinted at CB, "... weird SIR... just to rescue us? We're not even that tall... we're not important."
"You're Irken aren't you? That makes you important." Zim couldn't believe he was having to explain this.
"It wasn't in the plan to rescue you, no. In fact, Zim insisted we break protocol to do so." Skoodge was shaking his head, but he was smiling. Zim could tell he wasn't actually upset (Maybe even impressed).
"You saved us." Rin bowed her head to Zim wiggling her antennae. Zim blinked, watching as the other two followed in suit. "Thank you." Zim wasn't accustomed to this degree of respect from other Irkens. It felt... good.
"Now we just need to find a way to finish the mission now that the Control Brains are onto us." Tenn looked around her, studying the reinforced metal tunnels. "We may be able to find the Judgement Hall from here. Good thing Zim convinced them we were going to the docking bay, that might buy us some time."
"Judgement Hall?" Shi perked up. "I know the way to that! I've worked these tunnels before."
"Oh..." Skoodge looked pleasantly surprised. "Well, that worked out in our favor then."
"Exactly as planned." Zim wasn't sure he had planned this consciously, however, seeing as how it was working out, he was fairly certain the unconscious part of his mind had constructed this ingenious strategy.
"So why are you in the sewer?" Tenn tooled at Gil who was happily watching everything unfold.
"I was looking for my house. My usual route home from work was blocked by a lot of Irkens holding some weird kind of party. I tried to go a different way home and now I'm here."
"How did you even get in the sewer; it's supposed to be maintenance only." Shi looked confused. Gil just shrugged.
"Look, if you can lead us to the Judgement Hall, that would be a huge help. Then we can take all four of you back to our base." Skoodge gestured to the new Irkens.
"Right. This way." Shi took the lead. "So, there is a secret rebel base of dead Irkens? Do we have to die to join?"
"Don't... worry about it." Skoodge waved the question off.
"Should we worry about the Parasite?" Rin asked pointing at Q who was trailing behind.
"I mean, not actively, no." Zim did his best to explain. "Just keep him in the back of your mind. Do like... a twenty five percent worry."
The journey to the Judgement Hall was mostly filled with Zim's brilliant explanations of the current situation. The three travelers Irkens seemed to vaguely grasp what was happening but Gil seemed none the wiser. Zim realized quickly that explaining things to Gil was going to be a lost cause anyway, and simply stopped trying. It was interesting though, the new Irkens treated him with respect. Despite Rin and Shi being taller than he was, both were acting as if he were higher ranking. Glorch was about his height, but even he was treating Zim respectfully. It was a nice feeling. It was an equally nice feeling not to have to listen to Q since the translator had come off.
"Here we are, this is directly under the Judgement Hall." Shi came to a stop. "But there's no exit."
"Tenn?" Zim looked to his fellow Invader.
"I can get us in." She pulled out one of her weapons, beginning to get to work.
"Once she's in, Lard-Nar, you and Q will go in and you will disarm the security system. Then the rest of us can follow." Skoodge instructed.
"Why do I have to go with Q?" Lard-Nar protested.
"Well, you can go by yourself if you want..." Skoodge shrugged.
"No... I mean..." the Vortion looked uncomfortable, "why can't one of you come with me?"
"They might sense our PAKs if there are Control Brains in there." Tenn called from the ceiling. "You and Q are the only non-Irkens we have."
"Yeah, but-" Lard-Nar was unable to finish the thought as Zim cut him off.
"If you don't like it then just work faster. That way you spend less time with him."
"I'm in." Tenn looked at the group below. "Lard-Nar, you're up."
"You can hack this right?" Skoodge had asked before, but Zim supposed it didn't hurt to ask a hundred more times to be sure.
"The Vort built this system. I know what I'm doing." Lard-Nar looked surprisingly assured. "I can han-AH! Wait!" He was scooped up by red, fleshy PAK legs from Q's poor imitation of a PAK. "Ohhhh that feels really weird. I don't like it!" It seemed like Lard-Nar might have had more to say on the matter, but he was swept away, through the small opening Tenn had made.
"Is he going to be okay with that Parasite?" Rin asked as she stared up after him. There was a bit of commotion from above them, a clicking of PAK legs, a few ominous thuds. Then nothing.
"He's probably fine." Zim assured her as they waited in silence. There was an uncomfortable amount of time where no one was talking. Eventually, Lard-Nar poked his head in the tiny opening Tenn had made.
"Security is offline."
"Perfect." Zim climbed up onto CB's shoulders and bounced up and through the opening. He saw the lights were dim, there were the forms of Irkens lying in the ground, unmoving. The lights were still on in their PAKs, the Irkens appeared to be wounded, but not mortally so. Their PAKs would help them to recover. Q was back in his cat form, curled up on the back of one of the felled Irkens.
"I managed to put all the security feeds on a loop so no one should be able to see us in here." Lard-Nar looked proud of himself. "That should give you enough time for your mission."
"That was actually a good call." Skoodge had made his way in. "Keep an eye on things out here until we're done. Tenn you're on guard."
"Right!" She tossed guns to the PAK-tech, Driver, and Maintenance Worker. "You three are with me!" She stopped before giving one to Gil. "You... also stand guard. But... maybe no gun."
"That's fair. I failed on gun training five times." He nodded understandingly.
"Come on CB." Zim grabbed his robot by the hand as soon as he was out of the opening and pulling him along. "It is time for you to meet a Control Brain that hopefully won't try to kill you."
"Yay." CB did not sound as excited as Zim thought he should. But he let it go for now. As they made it to the cambers of the Control Brain in the Judgement Hall, Zim noticed all the lights seemed to be off.
"Control Brain? Hello?"
"She is offline."
"They shut her down?" Skoodge blinked, lowering the weapon he had been holding. "She really might be on our side..."
"Of course. She was influenced by me and I am on our side." Zim assured him. "All right CB, wake up your aunt."
"Ant?"
"Or uncle if you want. I think those are the same thing." Zim shrugged. He didn't understand a lot of the family units on Earth. Parents were still a bit of a weird concept.
"This will take a moment. I need to make certain that when she activates, she will not send a signal to the others."
"Very good. Do that. Also tell her hello." Zim nodded.
"You should be able to tell her yourself." Skoodge moved a little closer as CB located a panel on the wall. Wires stemmed from his fingertips and plugged into the panel. Everything was quiet as the lights on the helmet gently pulsed. CB was expressionless, however, Zim could tell he was focused. This was a big task after all. The lights in the room flickered as a very faint, red glow began to swell in the bulbous lights of the Control Brain.
"We are doomed, Tallest X."
"Woah, Control Brain, we don't use the 'D' word." Zim hopped up instantly at the sound of her voice. "I will excuse it this one time as GIR isn't here and you didn't know any better, but don't do that again."
"...Zim? You have returned?"
"Yes Control Brain! It is Zim! Your favorite Irken, returning from my top-secret mission on Earth!"
"Were you not banished?"
"Nonsense. I quit all of that."
"Control Brain," Skoodge interrupted Zim's reunion with his favorite Control Brain that wasn't CB. (CB had the distinct advantage of having been made by Zim, meaning he was obviously better than the others.) "Are you aware of the situation on Irk? Why were you offline?"
"I apologize, who is the Control Brain that brought me back online? I do not recognize the signature."
"I am CB."
"C... B...?"
"Focus, Control Brain!" Zim snapped as best as he could. "That is just CB, he is like your little nephew, or niece, or maybe a cousin."
"I... do not understand those words that you are using but I am now certain that you are Zim."
"Of course I'm Zim! Who else would I be? Therron? No! He's terrible. And I'm too tall to be Zeke, too alive to be Skoodge, and too old to be Vero."
"Those are all true statements."
"Control Brain, please try to answer the question if you can." Skoodge pushed a little more. "Why were you offline?"
"I was seen as a hindrance to the War Protocol. IX had me shut down by Tallest X."
"Is IX acting alone?" Skoodge pressed.
"Negative. However, not all of the Control Brains believe in his plan to the same extent. I was shut down as an example to gain the cooperation of the others."
"That's dumb. You're obviously the best Control Brain that isn't CB. They need you." Zim scoffed.
"I am considered less than CB?"
"I am younger, and Zim made me, therefore I am more favorite."
"Those statements are true. Very well. You are that Control Brain that IX was talking about... IX is the leader, this was all his plan from the beginning. He has been dissatisfied for a long time, since before Tallest Miyuki. In fact... Tallest Miyuki was eliminated due to her unwillingness to cooperate."
"Miyuki was murdered?" Zim stopped short. He had always been the reason for Miyuki's demise. He had been young, in the Science department on Vort. One of his creations had gotten loose. (The very same one that would later devour Spork).
"Affirmative. Miyuki, and her successor Spork, were deemed unfit to rule as they contradicted direct orders from IX. He... arranged for them to be deleted."
"Everyone thought I was the one responsible for that!"
"It was easy to blame you. I... also was in on the plan until your trial. Being hooked into your PAK... it made me see things differently. I have been trying to stand against IX and the others ever since."
"So father just always makes computers disobedient."
"I do seem to have that effect on technology, yes." Zim was a bit in shock. All that time he had felt responsible for what had befallen the Tallests and he was framed! It was a relief, but at the same time it made him angry.
"You said some of the other Control Brains do not agree with IX, but I heard multiple voices planning to get rid of Purple and Red."
"I am not certain who is still online since I was made into an example, however: IX'S strongest supporters were VII, VI, and I."
"So you area supporter of IX!" Zim pointed accusingly at the Control Brain. "I can't believe you were almost my second favorite!"
"Negative. It is VII, VI, and I."
"That's what I said! You!"
"I am II."
"Aye aye you ARE a traitor!"
"Father no. Her name is II. Remember? From Voel's boring lecture?"
"You will need to be more specific CB, all of Voel's lectures are boring."
"II..." Skoodge began, "may I call you II?"
"That is my name. So yes."
"Would you be willing to help us stop IX and the others?"
"Affirmative. However, I am trapped here. If they discover I am online, they will shut me down again. Perhaps even delete me."
"Do you not have a corporeal form that you can use?"
"I... why would I have that? Why would any AI need that?"
"Um," CB gestured to himself, "because it is awesome?"
"It seems unnecessary."
"Well, it is necessary right fucking now, is it not?"
"He's got you there." Zim mused.
"No... he does. You are completely detached from the Collective now, so I cannot load easily into your PAK to transfer out of here. I appear to be quite stuck."
"Could you transfer into a communicator or a reader?" Skoodge asked
"Negative. She is AI fat. You cannot tell because you are not AIs but she cannot fit on small devices like I can."
"He is correct. I appear to be what is apparently called: AI fat. He is newer and seems more mobile and flexible with his data. I need something more advanced, and bound to the Collective."
"What about those Irkens I rescued?" Zim pointed down the hall.
"Oh... hmm..." Skoodge was thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose we could ask them. You aren't going to turn them into those creepy Irkens out there though, right?"
"Of course not. I would be more of a background process. They will maintain conscious control."
"And we can trust you... right?" Skoodge looked back at her.
"You can." CB responded. "I have run through her memories. She is on our side."
"It is rude to traverse my memory without my knowledge."
"If I told you, you could have altered them."
"This is fair."
"Right, we'll ask the Irkens outside I they don't mind giving you a lift." Skoodge walked back into the hall.
"Is three PAKs enough for your ample, ancient data?"
"Affirmative."
"CB. Be nice to your uncle. You're still my favorite." Zim hurried after Skoodge. He must have explained the situation to Shi, Rin, and Glorch because they were all staring at him as if he had grown a second head. (Zim first checked to be sure there was no extra head he was missing, but Skoodge appeared normal.)
"You want us to... what?" Rin frowned.
"Didn't you just stop us from having that very thing done to us?" Glorch looked confused. "What's the difference this time?"
"Thus time," Zim stepped in. "We are asking. The last time you were being abducted against your will."
"Okay, good point." Glorch conceded.
"And you know the old Irken saying about when a dead Irken asks you to give your PAKs to a Control Brain." Zim added.
"... no? What? Is that... a saying?" Shi looked to the others for help.
"It is. Mothra said it, I think." Zim nodded.
"I don't remember that in the sacred tomes if Mothra..." Rin remarked.
"Look, you guys won't be turned like the others. It will be more like giving a lift to a computer." Skoodge tried his best to explain.
"Is... that possible? Rin, you know PAKs..." Glorch looked to his companion.
"It is... theoretically." She sighed. "Well, we do owe you a life debt. And... I suppose if we die then we'll just join you anyway since a lot of your team seems to be dead."
"Perfect!" Zim grabbed Rin and Glorch and dragged them into the room. Shi hurried behind him. The three stared in awe up at the Control Brain.
"Are you ready?" She asked gently.
"I... guess?" The three all looked unsure, but nodded.
"CB, when I have completed my upload, you may shut me down."
"Affirmative."
"This won't hurt, will it?" Glorch asked, but before he could get an answer, wires spring from II and attached into the three PAKs. The Irkens were suddenly quiet, expressionless. There was a very uneasy silence before the lights in the Control Brain dimmed to black. The wires fell to the ground, completely useless. The three Irkens blinked, rubbing their heads.
"Did it work?" Zim tilted his head to the side.
"I... don't feel any different..." Shi was examining herself. Suddenly all three Irkens seized up, standing straight.
"Upload completed." They spoke in unison.
"Woah..." Rin shook her head. "She is definitely in there. But... we're still us. No weird dead eyed stares."
"Look at that, she wasn't lying after all." Zim was pleased. "She can stay Zim's second favorite Control Brain. We should be able to put her in something else when we get to the base. The Syndicate probably has something lying around."
"Why would the Syndicate have a computer capable of storing a large-scale AI just sitting around?" Skoodge looked unconvinced.
"Well... maybe not them, but the Membranes probably do." Zim corrected.
"Oh yeah. No. The Membranes most definitely will have something." Skoodge agreed.
"Perfect! We're all settled! Let's head back!" Tenn cheered excitedly as Gil, Q and Lard-Nar joined them in the main chamber. Zim laughed to himself as they headed toward Tenn's exit she had made for herself.
"What's funny?" Skoodge asked curiously.
"Just imagining Voel's face when we bring a second Control Brain." Zim mused.
"Oh..." Skoodge chuckled as well. "You're right. That is funny."