Kurt got in the car, pulled the door shut, slid to the center of the seat, and tipped his head back to relax. As he sorted through the things he had said, Blaine's insistent responses consistently pointed to the fact that he did not listen to what Kurt said.
Kurt let his head fall forward and rolled it to one side and then the other to try to loosen the tension in his neck. He rolled his shoulders trying to shrug off the weight he felt pressing down on him. He realized that the heavy feeling he was currently experiencing wasn't new. It was familiar. It was the feeling that he had felt so frequently after spending time with Blaine, a feeling he had come to associate with love. He thought back to the ride to Dalton in March when he had told his dad that Blaine had made him feel safe and loved. What he had associated with feeling safe was the same heavy feeling he was experiencing.
It was Blaine holding onto him so tight that he lost sight of himself in the role of being Blaine's boyfriend. What he had said when Blaine went through his texts with Chandler. He failed to explain the feeling because he hadn't been away from it to be able to pinpoint how he felt. Constricted. He had nearly been pulled back into that role because Blaine always managed to make him feel like no one else would love him the way Blaine did, which turned out to be true.
Someone could love him in a way that was freeing. Sebastian didn't tell him who he could be friends with. Sebastian wrote a song about how he should be the life of the party and dance however he wanted to and enjoy his life. He laughed out loud when he recalled what had happened at the airport in Columbus in March on the way back to New York. Sebastian had sat on his lap and called him, what was it? Something ridiculous. Honeybunch?
Sebastian had no shame. He was always willing to engage in PDA with him. He told Kurt that he would be sexy wearing anything he chose, oftentimes lewdly suggesting that he should chose his birthday suit for his around-the-house loungewear. Kurt smiled when he thought about how often he wandered around in his boxer briefs and caught Sebastian ogling him. He remembered when he'd stop and look at himself in the mirror – he'd caught Sebastian staring at him with a look of mischief or longing and love, and sometimes lust and desire. Things he had never associated with anyone thinking about him.
Living with Sebastian had brought him back to life and reanimated him far past what he'd ever been in Lima. He had been loud, proud, and out, but he had also been afraid, terrorized, and controlled. So controlled – from within and by outside forces. He had held him himself back from doing so many things. New York City had been the pinnacle of freedom in his mind, but by living with Rachel he had found out that the chains from Lima could stretch 600 miles. He no longer felt those constraints.
She seemed to be working on herself. It was a start.
He had spent a lot of time working on himself after he moved into their apartment, even after he and Sebastian had started to date. He hummed part of the chorus of the first song he wrote for Sebastian.
Tryin' to see what you see,
When you look at me.
I've been workin' on, workin' on it.
Maybe Rachel would succeed. Only time would tell.
Time. Time would tell everything.
Would he and Sebastian make it? He thought they could. He wanted them to. Is five months with someone long enough to know that I want it to be forever? He answered his own question. I think so. He had always been a proponent of waiting to get married until he was closer to 30. Did he still want that? What had made him think that?
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He did it a few more times. He went back through what Blaine had said at the end of their conversation. He had agreed not to contact Kurt anymore. He hoped that he'd keep his word. He hoped that Cooper would follow through and get Blaine some help.
Blaine isn't my responsibility. He reminded himself that he had done what was in his power to do, which was to alert someone whose responsibility it was. He had involved Cooper, who despite being a bit flighty and egotistical, did actually seem to care. Hopefully, it wasn't all just an act. But either way, Kurt couldn't take on Blaine's well-being as his own responsibility. He knew all about going to a school that wasn't his first choice. CCNY hadn't even on his radar as an option, but he was making the best of it and actually enjoying it. Blaine had the same option – to make the most of his education and to use it as a springboard for his future. A future without me in it.
My future has a lunch date with Marla in it. My future has band rehearsals and the fun of performing our music together every Monday night that we can manage to. My future has walks in Central Park and time spent at the waterfalls and other tranquil places in the midst of the chaos. My future has art exhibits and concerts. My future has Fashion Week, overhauling transmissions, and creating works of wearable art. My future has a man who loves me for who I am in it.
He realized how much he loved the life he was creating for himself.
The car pulled up in front of their apartment. He thanked the driver and got out. He walked up the stairs to their apartment deliberately slowly in an attempt to ground himself and leave the heaviness behind. He stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath and let it out slowly and smiled.
He put his key in the door and unlocked it. He stepped inside. He could hear music playing. He closed and locked the door behind him. He took a few steps into the kitchen and noticed his seven orange flowers in the vase on the table. A lily, a tulip, a carnation, a cosmos, a dahlia, a Gerbera daisy, and a zinnia. His smile grew even larger.
He hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to Sebastian much the night before. They got back late, showered right away, and went to sleep. He stepped far enough into the kitchen that he could see around into the living room and he saw Sebastian reading a book. He noticed Kurt and looked up. He moved his bookmark and put the book down.
"Hey, babe."
"Hey. Wanna shower with me?"
"Of course." He stood up and started to undress on his way around the sofa. He tossed his clothes in the basket in their bedroom and walked past Kurt on his way to the bathroom.
Kurt smiled, remembering how he had just been thinking about Sebastian's openness. "I'll be right there." Kurt left all of his clothes behind as well and joined Sebastian in the shower. Kurt stepped so that he was pressed against Sebastian under the stream of water and kissed him.
"Mmm." Sebastian held on to Kurt with one arm and reached to grab Kurt's shampoo with the other. "Turn." Sebastian used both hands to wash and rinse Kurt's hair.
"My turn." Once he finished Sebastian's hair, he turned Sebastian back around and rinsed his face and kissed him again. "I love you."
"I love you too. Let's finish quickly. I wanna snuggle on the couch before we have to sleep."
Once they were in boxer briefs, Kurt stopped Sebastian from putting any more clothes on. He took his hand and led him to the sofa. "Wait right here. I have a surprise." He had been planning to give it to Sebastian at the beginning of December, but he decided to give it to him early. He went in the spare room and pulled his creation out of the storage box he had put it in when he finished it. He carried it into the living room and put it on the back of the sofa where Sebastian could reach it.
"A blanket?"
"Not just any blanket. I designed it for us. It's a snuggle blanket for two"
Sebastian unfolded it and he couldn't immediately see how it was supposed to work.
"I tried it out myself, but it's not been tested in 2-person mode."
Sebastian smiled. "So come show me how this works."
Kurt went around to the other side of the sofa. He laid the blanket out so that it was partially laying over the top of the cushions in the area they sat back against. The bottom was a solid piece, while the top was in four sections. Two at the bottom that overlapped in the center with a long zipper like a sleeping bag, with the zipper in between the overlapping sections so it wouldn't touch their skin whether they were inside it or lying on top of it. The third and fourth sections were sewn to the top and created two caplet-like sections. Once he had it all arranged, he climbed in and patted the spot next to him.
Sebastian climbed in and sat down next to Kurt, who reached down and zipped the center up. It stopped about mid-chest. "The zipper is so that we can get out easily when we need to go to the bathroom or get a different book."
"Nice feature."
Kurt adjusted the blanket at the top to cover Sebastian's shoulders and chest, and then adjusted his own side. "This way we can stick our hands out the bottom and hold books or write without getting cold or having to give up being able to be skin-to-skin like you like."
"You like it too, right?"
"I do. A lot." He turned to kiss Sebastian. "That's why I made this double snuggle blanket. So what do you think?"
Sebastian adjusted it on his shoulders a bit. "I think you're amazing. Thank you. It's perfect." He slipped his arm behind Kurt to get comfortable, and then he kissed Kurt.
"I think the only obstacle I couldn't over come us being able to lie with our faces touching the skin on the other's chest. We'll have to save that for the bed."
"It's impossible to read that way anyway. I assume you made this so we can study together during the winter."
"That and just pleasure reading and watching TV together." Kurt snuggled into Sebastian's side and ran his fingers along his chest caressing him. He looked over at the table and smiled when he saw the flowers again. "I love the flowers you sent. I know I told that already, but it was super sweet. After the second one came, I anticipated the rest and it made a fun to show up and see what you had sent. What made you choose orange?"
"The florist told me that red was commonly associated with love, yellow was associated with friendship, and orange represented excitement and enthusiasm. I chose to see the orange ones as a mix of red and yellow with the additional meaning of excitement and enthusiasm for you getting to do something you had always wanted to do."
"You are sweet. At the end, I realized that you sent them from longest lasting to most delicate so the bouquet would look nice for the duration of the show."
"The florist helped me with that too. I mean it was my idea, but he was the one who told me which order to send them in."
"Well, they're beautiful."
"I'm glad you liked them. Do you want or need to talk about tonight?"
"I got to say what I wanted to. There's really nothing left to say to him. It's over. It was over a long time ago. He's the one living in the past. On the way back, I thought about a lot of things and none of them made me want him back."
"That thought had never crossed my mind, honestly. I trust you. You know that, right?"
"I do. And I hadn't known before tonight, the fact that you just came home like there was nothing for you to be worried about proved it."
"The only thing that worries me is him getting into your head again and making you feel like you're anything besides the amazing man that you are."
"You're a sweetie."
"To you."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're so full of it."
"Not right now I'm not, but I'd be glad to put that on my agenda any time, babe."
"Bas!"
"Just saying." He leaned in and kissed Kurt right below his ear. "You're hot. And amazing in bed." He licked the lower part of Kurt's earlobe and kissed along the edge. "So hot."
"It's really late already. How about you add it to your agenda tomorrow evening and we'll enjoy ourselves and not rush things?"
"Sounds perfect. As much as I love this new snuggle blanket you made, you are right about it being late, and if we're going to be awake enough to work on schoolwork between classes so we can have more free time tomorrow evening, we should go to bed."
"Gorgeous, sweet, and smart. You're the whole package, Bas."
"As are you. Now, let's move it before we fall asleep here."
"It wouldn't be the first time."
"It wouldn't, but let's get in bed instead."
"Will you be the big spoon?"
"Sure."
Kurt reached down and unzipped the blanket. They scurried into the bedroom and slipped under the covers.
Kurt didn't turn over right away. Instead, he lay facing the center of the bed facing Sebastian. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For loving me. Really loving me."
He leaned forward and kissed Kurt on the forehead. "I couldn't stop even when I wanted to," he teased. "Do you have any idea how many guys vied for my attention at Dalton? It was ridiculous. Going in with a swagger and stupidly insinuating that I was a free-spirited, adventurous gay guy was such a stupid idea. It seemed like a great way to have some social clout, which I had never had. But then I had to keep up the façade and ignore being hit on, like I thought I was too high and mighty to deign to give the guy the time of day. I mean Nick and Jeff hit me up for a threesome and I turned them down. They were pretty nice about it, but it was just super awkward. I wanted what we have now, but I wasn't mature enough to be who I needed to be, obviously."
"But have both grown up a lot. And I want to finish growing up with you. I'm truly happy with you. I just wanted to make sure that you know that."
"I do know. I'm happy with you too."
"You said that Nick and Jeff attend Columbia, but I've not heard you mention them at all and we're at the two months into the school year mark."
"That's because I haven't seen them or heard a word from them. Trent either, for that matter. Although, he and I were never what I would consider friends."
"Same for me. I just closed myself off when I realized that I couldn't be myself there either." He kissed Sebastian gently and then flopped over. "Enough of the past. I like my present and I'm looking forward to my future."
Sebastian wrapped himself around Kurt. "Me too." He started to hum "Never Gonna Give You Up".
Kurt started laughing silently, hard enough to shake the bed. "You are so ridiculous. We need to sleep."
"I'm not sleepy," Sebastian whined playfully.
"If I don't get some sleep now, I'll fall asleep after dinner tomorrow."
Sebastian made pretend snoring sounds.
Kurt laughed harder. "God, I love you, Bas."
He snored playfully once more, and then he squeezed Kurt just slightly, nuzzled into the back of his neck, and held still.
Saturday morning, Kurt woke up with Sebastian splayed out on top of him sound asleep. He ran his hand through Sebastian's hair softly until Sebastian's breathing indicated that he was becoming more alert.
"Sweetie, we're supposed to go to that Dacia Gallery art show with everyone this afternoon. That means we need to go do our afternoon stuff this morning."
"Mmm hmm. But–" He stretched just a bit and doubled-down on his grip on Kurt. "Comfy."
"I know you're comfy, sweetie, but a certain someone thought that taking a slice of the bread for a snack seemed like a good idea on Thursday and Friday."
"Mmm hmm." He stretched a bit more and took a deep breath, but he didn't loosen his hold on Kurt. "But you know my resolve to leave the lemon poppyseed bread alone is just nonexistent. I try, but it calls to me. It's my weakness."
"I know, sweetie. I'm not upset. We just have to make something else for breakfast. I think your lemon poppyseed addiction is adorable. I think I should start making lemon poppyseed muffins each week so you can have one as a mid-afternoon pick-me-up."
"Really?"
"I'd do anything for you, you know? If you want muffins, I'll make them for you. Although, I know that you're a good baker as well as cook, so I'm not sure why you haven't just made them for yourself."
He moved enough to start kissing up the side of Kurt's neck. When he got right below Kurt's ear, he said, "They taste better when you make them."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Mmm hmm."
"They do. I swear. Not long after you made them for me the first time, I made the recipe the way it is on the card, and it was a flop. They didn't taste at all like they did when you made them. I hid them from you because I didn't want you to see that I couldn't make them like yours."
"Oh, sweetie." Kurt thought about the recipe card, and remembered that he always put sour cream in the batter instead of milk like it called for. He had never thought about it until just then. "That's my fault. I'm sorry. I didn't even think about you trying the recipe on your own back then. I always put sour cream in it instead of milk."
"Oh. Well, I'm sure that makes a big difference."
"I'll still make them for you though." Kurt turned and tipped his head down enough to kiss Sebastian. "I think we have some sour cream left from when we made that 7-layer dip the other night. We can go out there and make them now and they'll be ready by the time we're dressed to leave."
Sebastian rearranged and rolled Kurt towards him and flopped his leg over the top of Kurt's. "I don't want to get out of bed."
"Okay. I can text everyone and tell them you're not feeling up to it today and we can skip out."
"But you've been looking forward to going all week and it's a one-day only event."
"I have, and I know, but I love you more." He put the back of his hand on Sebastian's forehead. "You don't seem feverish."
"Well, that's a matter of debate." He began to hum "Fever'. He ran his hand down Kurt's back to his upper thigh.
"Is that what the issue is this morning?"
"Not really any more so that any other morning. It just so happens that this morning we don't have class and we don't normally get up and run off early on Saturdays. It's our only day where we lounge around for a while before we get ready."
"I see your point."
"I'm just being a pain in the neck and maybe a bit greedy. I didn't get my Saturday snuggles last weekend either."
"How about this? We go to the flea markets every week. Tomorrow we're meeting up with Isabelle to go to an estate sale, and then out to lunch. We can cut our flea market trip short and go do our shopping tomorrow morning and we can stay in bed and snuggle and talk like we usually do."
"Deal. I'm used to getting up early on Sundays. Can we still make the muffins?"
"Of course. We tabled the Thanksgiving conversation last night because Jace and Landon showed up a little earlier than we had expected. We need to figure that out."
"We do. We're not going to Ohio for winter break, but I don't want to split up on Thanksgiving Day. This is our first Thanksgiving together and I want to spend it together."
"Which makes it hard because our families have their own gatherings at the same time on the same day and it's unlikely that either group will want to make changes to their plans. We didn't get past that issue before they knocked."
"Right."
"Carole was willing to spend Thanksgiving day at her relative's and my dad was willing to have our meal on Friday my senior year. Finn loved getting to have two Thanksgiving feasts. I stayed in New York last year. They went to Carole's family's event and didn't do anything in Lima last year. My dad came here for Christmas. You know about that already."
"Yeah. So, your parents will go to Carole's relatives on Thursday again, but I really want to go spend Thanksgiving with everyone in Columbus, but I want to be with you."
"Now that I'm thinking about it, Isabelle didn't go back to Ohio last Thanksgiving. She came to the loft in Bushwick and brought a bunch of her friends with her."
"We don't get together as a whole group every year, just every other year. The opposite year, my aunts and uncles go to the opposite family's get together. Uncle Ben, Aunt Laura, Randy, and Norris go to Aunt Laura's family gathering. Aunt Victoria, Uncle Antony, Jillian, and Alexis go to Uncle Antony's family event. Isabelle does whatever she wants."
"Okay. This year, we'll figure out where my parents will be and we'll go visit them – without the big meal. And next year, we can visit your family after spending Thanksgiving Day with my parents."
"Really?"
"Really. Why do you sound so surprised?"
Sebastian wasn't really sure how to answer. "I guess I just didn't expect you to choose me over your parents."
He tipped Sebastian's chin up so he could look him in the eyes. "Sweetie, I love you."
Sebastian struggled to hold Kurt's gaze. "I love you too."
"So, now that we settled that quickly, is there anything else you want to talk about?"
Sebastian switched back to his default setting of sarcastic and lewd comments. "We could discuss the perfection that is your ass." He slid his hand up from Kurt's thigh.
"A monologue then?"
Sebastian laughed and kissed Kurt.