Chapter Title "Everyone Else" by London Grammar

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Chicago PD, Fire or Med characters, only my OCs!

Until now Jay had never understood what it was with everyone dreading Monday mornings or the end of the holidays, the end of a weekend, a vacation, but starting back this year he totally got it.
He had only just begun to become acquainted with a slightly more lazy and relaxed version of himself, gotten reconnected with parts that had seemed lost and now he wanted to hold on to that version, at least a little bit longer. Jay would was curious how long it would be possible for him to stay that way before he got bored or antsy or in a toxic cycle of thoughts again. Not that his thoughts over the last weeks had all been about sunshine and rainbows. But all in all it had given him a really big confidence boost that he had found himself able to let go a little and dive into different parts of what life had to offer.

On the other hand he was almost sure a few days longer would have done even more serious damage to his brain.

Monday morning on his way to work Jay found himself pretty distracted at first. Whenever his thoughts went back to Rianne and drifted off topic for a moment he was watching a slideshow of too good to be true moments: Of fooling around on sunny beaches, smudging wet sand onto her back, the feeling of their bodies pressed together under water, water droplets on her long lashes, ocean waves mirrored in her blue, blue eyes.
And they wandered back to this morning and how she had attacked him from behind when he had just been about to step out of the apartment. She had clung to his back, managed to angle herself up, legs wrapping firmly around his waist, lips and nose nuzzling behind his ear.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to find a way to attach myself to you so you have to take me with you to work…"

She had acted like a koala baby that wouldn't budge.

"You got really strong legs, I give you that…" Jay knew if he had given in to touching her he would have probably not been able to let go.

So he had tried to keep his hands to himself in his determination to break this attachment spell and make sure he actually left. He had to get his shit together at one point.

"I'm turning into one of those clingy housewives aren't I?" Rianne had mumbled into his neck.

She must have felt him going rigid beneath her, scrambling to get his 'inner detective' back on track, rid him of any personal feelings.

"That's one way to put it…" Jay had wanted to add that he didn't really mind and that he wished he could give into the temptation to be a clingy househusband in return, just pull the covers over their heads and stay home.

But Rianne had already let go, pushing him towards the door, her own resolve to handle this like an adult taking over:

"Ok, enough! Off you go now!"

Then again she had been calling after him to "Wait…" when he had already been half way down the corridor, running a few steps out of the apartment in a half-clothed state to hug him tightly:

"Just one last kiss…"

She had been acting like he was leaving for the war, giving him one hell of a goodbye-kiss, before shoving him down the hallway once more shouting:

"Okay, show'em how it's done and that you still got it. Go Halstead and all!" Victory fist raised high up in the air, smiling for his sake.

He was aware she didn't really feel like smiling at all. It was only fake bravery and coolness and maybe the war-comparison wasn't too far fetched at all. Jay knew that every time he left for work she was fearing for his life, at least in the back of her mind, possible injury or death their constant companion. And it was especially difficult to get back into this routine after she had had him safely by her side 24/7 for almost two weeks.

For him it was also harder to get into the mode than he would have thought, to pick up the pace his job demanded this fast. But a hell of a first day back on duty didn't give Jay any other choice:

After getting a little organized and catching up with Rojas and Upton at the district, he had the dreaded check-up at Med scheduled. Mandatory after-care still connected to the shooting last year, a thing Jay had already been irritated with beforehand. That douchebag doctor who treated him and was evaluating the progress his shoulder had made, even had to recount every injury Jay had ever suffered on the job, as if it was some kind of world-record. What had he expected Jay to say, when confronted with this? As if he didn't very well know himself how many cracked ribs, broken fingers, concussions and bullet wounds he'd collected over the years. And all the talk about lingering psychological effects? Anxiety, mood-swings, irritability? He could have gone without hearing all that today. Being reminded of one of the disturbing things that had happened to him last year was bound to destroy his vacation bubble even faster and put a dent into his mood.

Hailey informed him she had asked Voight to be permanently partnered up with him again, a thing that at least was getting them back some stability, just before they were getting called in to assist with an armed robbery. The rest of the afternoon: Multiple shots fired, a man getting hit and seriously injured, a witness in distress, perps getting away from them. Bullets flying, adrenaline pumping full throttle: Welcome to Chicago! Time to wake up Halstead!

This case was prone to keep them busy for longer than just today Jay guessed.

He was waiting for her in front of her office building.
Rianne could make out Jay's figure even if it was already dark and he had that beanie pulled deep into his face. A face that was once more shaven in an orderly fashion. Thinking back to how that had gone down made her smile. Unwillingly following Platt's orders Jay had dragged it out until last night to get rid of the beard, and the too long hair, letting her assist and leaving her wondering what it was with men and their facial hair. It seemed he had grown quite attached to it, even bargaining what he could shave for her in exchange, making her joke that she could let her armpit and pubic hair grow out like her step-mum and aunt Eliana did so he could shave that off after some time then, which had led to Jay protesting madly:

"No, I'll pass! Don't think of me as sexist, but please don't! I think I will never unsee the things I have seen in on the beach as it is!"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad!"

Rianne loved that they had inside jokes about her extended family members now and to be able to see them through his eyes. Discover what Jay thought of as normal, what he found weird, what freaked and creeped him out and what he didn't think was as bad as she thought it was. It had turned out he was a lot more open-minded than she had given him credit for in the beginning of their relationship. Certainly a whole lot more than she would have guessed back when she had thought of him as a stickler for rules, principles and conventions.

When he saw her as well Jay cracked a smile, but she could already detect there was something going on with him. The smile didn't reach his eyes completely and he looked tired. Normally he would have sprinted up to meet her halfway, but now he stayed put at the curb, near his parked truck, hands deep in his jeans pockets. Rianne didn't know what she'd been expecting. Crime certainly wasn't as courteous as to give its opponents the chance to start back at an easy pace. By the looks of him, it probably had been the other way around.
Nonetheless Jay picking her up was a nice surprise. Like he couldn't have waited a second longer to see her. Like he had missed her as much as she had missed him this first day in separate environments again. Like he had felt he was missing an important part of himself. It had disturbingly been like that for her, especially because her first day back had also not been smooth sailing. The reality of being back to every-day-life had hit Rianne square in the face like the ice-cold gushes of wind she'd had to face on the streets this morning.

Her female colleague leaving the building with her nudged her shoulder at the sight of Jay and wiggled her eyebrows. Some of them still couldn't believe this pairing and were always loving moments where they could actually see the two of them together, especially as Rianne wasn't really close with most of her co-workers and kept info on her relationship to herself. She waved her goodbye and met Jay downstairs, loving the way his sheer presence got her exhilarated.
When she reached him all of his reserve and outer coolness was gone in a flash. Jay engulfed her in a hug so tight she found it hard to breathe. Then he let her go and pressed a hard kiss to her lips. She liked that new thing since Argentina: He didn't hold back and cared less if they were home alone or in the middle of the street: If he wanted to kiss her a certain way or touch her, he would just do it, to hell with everyone around them. Rianne hoped it would stay that way.

"Let's do something before we go home! I've had quite the first day!" He expelled when he released her from their lip-lock, his warm breath still whispering over her nose, creating steam clouds in the cold.

"Okay… Everything good with your check-up?"

Rianne knew he had not been very excited about the mandatory trip to Med today and obviously been too busy to let her know what the doctor's had said.
She caught herself giving him a quick scan for bodily harm: Bruises, cuts, marks that would tell her things about his day he tended to not be so forthcoming about. His face, his knuckles, his hands, the way his walk and posture could tell if he'd jumped off a building or got into an altercation. There were little signs and tells she had picked up on. Rianne wondered when she had begun to do that. Today surely wasn't the first time. It was a habit one barely even noticed anymore because it was routine. A routine one had gotten accustomed to and knew exactly what to look for.

"No, that's all fine, we just caught a tricky one," Jay didn't comment on her staring, but she was sure he had noticed.

He opened the passenger door for her to get them out of the freezing wind.

"So, what did you have in mind to lift your mood?" She asked once he had settled in beside her.

"Thought we could go revisit the place Casey showed us?"

"Oh, did you somehow change your mind about that?"

Yesterday they had gone to check out a place on 1615 West North Avenue with Matt accompanying them.

A friend of his wanted to get rid of the half-finished remodel of a small factory building, because he had run out of cash to do the necessary renovations and wanted to sell quickly. Maybe he had even run out of ideas or the nerve to go through with it. Rianne didn't care, because she had fallen in love with it instantly, seeing something in the old walls that could be transformed into their own unique and cosy piece of heaven.
The moment they had entered the house, resembling more a construction site at the moment, if she was being honest, there had been this pull in her stomach. Something like a gut feeling, that this was it! Rianne had already been envisioning what it could look like when finished:

Inconspicuous on the outside, magical transformation when inside! Large and luminous spaces with soaring ceilings and windows wrapping around a tranquil and totally private and light-filled courtyard on both levels, the ultimate private sanctuary. Spacious room sizes, adaptable spaces, large skylight on the upper floor making you feel as if outdoors. Exposed brick walls, either hardwood floors or large tiles, a working greenhouse on the roof with skyline views and so much more she could imagine for this place to be and look like. Close to the 606 Trail, parks, the Blue Line, restaurants and shops in Wicker Park it was in a neighborhood Jay and her were both content to stay in. Of course it was nothing compared to the views of her loft in Streeterville, but this one had a very special vibe she felt drawn to immediately.

Jay had had not really been convinced, asking her if she was seeing something he wasn't:

"It looks like a garage on the outside!"

There was still some work to do. Okay, actually a little more, but Matt had promised them that it got a steady structure, it wasn't completely run-down, so nothing a little fixer upper wouldn't do. Some great potential was hidden in these walls, if maybe with a lot of imagination to this point. And as of yesterday evening it had seemed that this was where Jay's and her point of view didn't exactly match. So that he wanted to go back there now came as a little surprise to Rianne.

Could this really be where they'd take their next steps as a couple?

Parts of what Rianne had been describing to him yesterday and again today when he had decided to give the place another shot, Jay could very well imagine. But mostly he saw dollar signs as they made their second inspection of the two-story building. Unfinished walls and floors, several broken doors and windows to the courtyard, a cold draft making them shiver every now and then while taking another look around. A stairwell at the back of the house was still waiting to be fixed.

He'd brought flashlights and they had turned on the flood lamps of the construction site to be able to see something as it was already pitch dark outside and no room had functioning lighting yet. This was no home they could just easily move into. It had to be molded to their demands and maybe financial limitations. Being faced with all this Jay was still filled with a lot of reservations. But he had not been able to forget the look in Rianne's eyes when she had set foot into it for the first time. Her gut feeling was always something of a mystery to him, but more often than not she hadn't been wrong, so he didn't want to shut it down too soon.

"Jay… I know it still looks like a dump in several ways at the moment, but we can come up with a plan together with Matt's help and… I think this could be a real special place. Besides as the current owner wants to sell so desperately: It's a real bargain!"

Maybe this was also why he was still skeptical: Where there was a bargain there was a catch, always:

"Yeah, but we gotta think about the fact that all the renovations will eat up a lot of money as well and we don't even know how much really needs to be done!" He knew some things about wiring and drywall installation, maybe he could built a closet, put in some shrews, but that was pretty much it.

"We can go over that with Casey again before we agree on anything, he knows about this stuff! And I trust his expertise as a building inspector."

Obviously Rianne was already standing in a whole different building than he was currently.

"Right, but it's gonna take some time to do all this, which we both don't have very much of."

"We could do it time after time, start with the main rooms we'd need to be living here and do the rest whenever we have time and money, kind of a long-term project. Besides you know so many people, maybe we can get a deal with some technical crews?"

Jay took another look around, then at her again, forehead furrowed and thinking so hard it was almost painful. When he still didn't say anything after a minute, Rianne threw her hands up in the air, watching him like she didn't really understand him. He knew the feeling, he didn't quite understand himself sometimes. Jay just never would have thought it would feel this way to really say yes to something that had consequences in so many ways. The only reassuring thing was that Rianne was doing this for the first time too: Buy something as important as a new home together with someone, not only by herself. Now he didn't want to be the one to fuck it up.

"Why did you take me here again Jay? Seems like we're having the same discussion we had yesterday and you are still not convinced. It's really no big deal, if you wanna keep looking. You don't have to bend over backwards for my sake, you know that right? Besides it was probably not the best idea to go see this in the dark. Doesn't exactly bring out its highlights…"

"I know and I'm sorry. It just felt like I needed to come out here again before my head's too deep in a case or something else to be thinking about things for me and you!"

Jay flinched at his own words. He hadn't even known that this was one of the reasons until he had said it out loud just now.

"Okay, you feel doom & gloom coming again?" Rianne opened her eyes wide at him.

"It's always lurking around the corner!" Also a sentence he didn't saw coming.

Seemed like the visit with the doc this morning had thrown him for a loop more than he had been anticipating.

"Baby please don't say that!" She closed the distance between them.

"But it's true! You know what happened last time…" He didn't need to finish that sentence.

Jay knew Rianne knew he was talking about 'the last time they'd been this happy' and how that whole episode with Nate and Ayla had affected them and especially him. Rianne cupped his face, boring her eyes into his imploringly:

"I know. And I'm still sorry that you had to go through that and that it catches up with you from time to time. I really am! But that's no way to base a decision on!"

He rested his head against hers for a while, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

"Why're you putting that kind of pressure on yourself? It's only our third day back…"

"Cause I really want to make you happy!"

"But I am already happy Jay! Wether we find something we both want now, or next week or in a few months. It doesn't matter!"

Rianne leaned up to him on her toes and put her arms around his neck. He gladly engaged in the embrace and breathed in her fresh and familiar scent.

"Stop trying to be so fucking perfect!" she mumbled near his ear.

"I'm not perfect!" he protested weakly.

"I know you're not and that's totally fine!" She released him and searched his face again:

"You sure there's nothing else that got you into this mood?"

Jay thought about that for a moment before he told her about the questions the doc at Med had asked this morning, the memo about all his injuries he'd given him.

"Right, so he is a nebby snoopy dick! A dick that probably would have given up after the first injury on the job and not pushed through the same way you did! As long as you're honest with yourself and you really feel strong and ready to do your job: Fuck him!"

Instead of answering her Jay pulled her in for a sweet kiss. He just loved it when she swore like a trooper. And that she encouraged him to go do what he loved and was good at, even though it scared her sometimes.
Taking another look at their surroundings after getting these things off his chest he pointed at the site:

"You sure this is what you want as our home?"

"I am," Rianne beamed, but dimmed her enthusiasm when she saw that he was still a little undecided and staring off at a point behind her:

"Seriously Jay, if you don't want it, we can keep looking! Come to think of it we haven't even really gotten started, and we sure as hell don't need to take it because Matt showed it to us. We don't owe him anything, I hope you know that!"

He grabbed her hand, looking at her quietly, before he nodded: "Okay. Let's just sit down with Casey again this week!"

In some of the intact windows facing the courtyard, Rianne took in their reflection, standing there behind each other for one last look, one last minute to take this in: The possibility of building something here together.

Jay was still in his full work gear. Badge around his neck, gun in place. Plain thick black jacket over jeans and a simple dark-blue long-sleeve. That tension and alertness present in every ounce of him again, all of his softness gone. It was only a slight shimmer in his eyes when he looked at her a certain way.
Her on the other hand….
Crazy patterned, oversized 70s sweater under light-blue jeans dungarees, olive parka. All that hair piled up high, grey glittery headband holding it in place, nose ring recently replaced by a sparkly stud. One of her brightest winter outfits to lift up her Monday mood.

"We certainly make an interesting couple," Rianne raised her eyebrows at their combined reflection.

"Yeah, don't expect me to get myself a piercing or a tattoo anytime soon," Jay finally cracked a smile and kissed her hair, knowing their outer appearance wasn't the only difference she was driving at.

"Why the hell not? I could imagine some ink on you here and there. Not sure about the piercings though either…" She turned around to him, wrapping her arms around his neck again and loving the way his green eyes sparkled with mirth at her teasing.

"You're hilarious…"

"Am I?"

Jay didn't answer, only wrapped his arm around her shoulder and led her back to the exit, turning off the lamps and locking up behind them.

"Actually wouldn't change a single thing, cause I love us just the way we are!" She ran her hand over his cheek when they stopped in front of his truck.

Just when she registered his soft smile creep in again, it felt like she was being punched in the stomach, hard. Rianne automatically held on to his arm tightly, face scrunched up in discomfort, slightly bending over with a low suppressed groan.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

It took a while before she was able to catch her breath to answer Jay, trying to breathe through the sudden wave of pain that had hit her. Then it was gone as fast as it had come.
In an attempt to reassure Jay she said it certainly was the side effects of heavier menstrual cramps or something she ate.
Rianne didn't want to worry him but found it a little strange. That sudden sharp pain in her stomach, the lightheadedness that followed on their way back home? She also was a little too hot suddenly, but sometimes she felt like coming down with the flu before her period was due, so this could even be related.

Though still a little under the weather the next morning, staying home wasn't remotely an option for her. There was no way she could call in sick after having taken that long vacation. There were families counting on her. Also she had planned on finally going through with a long-overdue visit in the afternoon she would not back out of now, because she wasn't feeling well.
Relieved to not be faced with Jay's searching looks, because he had left for the district excruciatingly early, Rianne popped a few painkillers and crossed her fingers this would help her push through today.

The armed robbery from yesterday kept Intelligence busy throughout the next day as expected.

While Jay had gone back to talk to his witness from the scene around noon, who had given him bogus contact info, Hailey waited in his truck in front of the flower shop where Michelle, or whatever her real name was, worked at. Taking pictures and hoping to catch something suspicious.
A little while later Jay came out of the shop again, holding a bunch of red roses mixed with baby's breath. His awkward expression when he joined her in the car, putting the flowers down on the passenger seat, was hilarious. She beamed at him:

"What a guy!"

"Her husband came in, she told him I was a customer. Something doesn't feel right!" Jay had his brows furrowed, staring off into space for a second.

Hailey knew that look on his face: Hero mode, woman in distress, ready to swoop in, his brain desperate to connect the dots! She quickly brought him up to speed on what she had found out from the pictures she took of said husband in front of the shop earlier. It turned out that their good samaritan from the crime scene, who had helped with the gunshot victim, was actually married to a criminal. A convicted felon with a record for armed robbery. Jay guessed it right before she could even say it.

"Told you we were good together!" The realization that her and him were still able to perfectly bounce off one another after all this time not permanently partnered up, elicited another bright smile out of Hailey.

Jay smirked almost unnoticeably and started the engine to get them back to the station with their new information to regroup and brief everyone else.

Back in the parking lot Jay's gaze fell onto the bunch of flowers still next to him, making him shake his head and scoff in amusement:

"If I bring these home, Rianne will certainly think I have done something wrong."

"What's wrong with bringing your girl red roses?"

"Everybody goes red roses, so… I'm positive she won't like them!"

"So what flowers does she like?" Hailey asked although a slight pinch to her heart made her aware that this was a touchy subject between them, talking about Rianne for more than two seconds.

But Jay had brought it up so she went with it, not wanting to give him a false impression.

"I think it's 'hydrangea'? Can't even pronounce it right. And Persian buttercups? Think I made a note somewhere, if I ever have to beg for her forgiveness big time!"

There was a hint of a faraway look and a light smile on his face when he thought about his girlfriend's unusual choice of favorite flowers. Happy and content was a look that was kind of irresistible on him. Did it hurt her that it hadn't anything to do with her? Could she be truly happy for him that he seemed so in love?

Walking close beside him back into the station, Hailey caught a whiff of his cologne and it was hitting her somewhere deep in her stomach. She had already noticed that he smelled different somehow. Still like Jay, but there was a certain foreign note to him. In his aftershave, maybe a new brand, maybe it was a different shampoo or Rianne's perfume on him? Some new detergent they used? Was this something girlfriends did, Hailey asked herself? Choose different scents for their men to put a claim on them somehow?

Suddenly there was this urge to gather information on how exactly that relationship worked. At the same time she knew these were things she would rather not know. But Hailey had been thinking a lot about how she wanted the partnership with Jay to look like in the future, as it was pretty clear by now that Rianne wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Their relationship seemed to even have survived a vacation together. So if she didn't want to lose Jay, lose him as a friend and confidante, then she needed to show him that he could talk to her about everything, if he still wanted that.

"So, how was your trip exactly? You haven't really been very forthcoming about that!"

"Didn't think you'd be interested that much!"

"What made you think that?"

Jay just shrugged and looked at her meaningfully, while holding open the door to the back stairwell to her. He didn't need to say it. She knew he was alluding to the fact she had just been thinking about: That they had somehow grown apart a little, getting into arguments about how to handle things, private and work stuff.

"I actually miss talking to you…" she admitted with a heavy beating heart, looking up at him guardedly just before they had reached the Intelligence floor.

"So the temp wasn't any good?" Hailey knew that although he made it sound nonchalant and winked at her, Jay had been actually worried about the possibility of being replaced by someone younger, someone fresh and unflawed in his absence.

"Na! A little too chatty and always in a good mood… Not my cup of tea…"

In the evening the armed robbery had graduated to homicide, because of the victim dying at Med. The man left behind three kids and a wife. Intelligence was even more adamant to solve this one. 'Time to take the gloves off' as Voight had called it. But first everyone needed to get in a decent amount of sleep, get a little distance to think more clearly in the morning.

Unlocking his door Jay found himself hoping Rianne was really feeling as okay as she had claimed to be when he had texted her today. That sudden pain attack yesterday evening had scared him a little.

"Hey, babe? If anyone tells you I bought Trudy red roses: it is not what you think! I can explain!" he called out when he entered the apartment, kicking off his boots and shrugging out of his jacket, dying to tell her all about Trudy's reaction to the surprise flowers that this way had served at least one good purpose other than to get him out of a tricky situation.

But when Jay walked into the living-room the amused smile on his face froze and he stopped in his tracks:

He found Rianne on the couch, feet propped up, looking frighteningly pale, eyes barely opening at him entering. There was a cup of tea next to her and a wet wash-cloth on her forehead. But the thing that was even more worrisome was that there was an older woman with her, maybe in her late 60s, sitting with his girlfriend. Dark-silver curls, cut in a neat mid-length bob, olive skin, plain midi-dress and a thick woolen jacket. She was tiny, Jay noticed as she got up from her position on the couch when he walked into the room.

Without having met the other female before he instantly knew who it was. What Jay couldn't figure out was what Andrea's mother was doing here…

AN: Jubilee chapter coming up next, so stay tuned!