Vacation
Summary: Cana's been having a hard time lately, and together with Laxus, who understands where she's coming from, the two set off on a vacation. Unfortunately, everyone at home jumps to some pretty wild conclusions when they realize the two are gone. The guild is running scared, Gildarts is out for blood, and Laxaus and Cana are very confused.
Disclaimer: I don't own
Warnings: Mention of underage pregnancy (just speculation), grooming of a teenager (didn't happen), mentioned explicit pictures of an underage girl (kind of explained at the end), eloping between older guy and younger girl (also didn't happen), depression, bad coping strategies, miscommunication, Laxus gets accused of being a pedophile, blatant One Piece and FMAB references, and this is basically just crack
AN: I have been wanting to try and do something like this for a while, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. In initial drafts of this I had it as Laxana, but then I realized that I needed to stick to my rules of no shipping (also the age gap made me twitchy). This is a fic all about fluffy family feels with some platonic familial relationship troubles- no romance other than Gildarts and Cornelia. If I want to try that, I can do it in a separate story. That said, this chapter is pretty much an extended crack fic, so I hope you enjoy.
"Are we sure that she's Gildarts daughter? She certainly didn't get any of his strength."
"Maybe she was switched at birth with Erza or Mirajane- those two seem far more likely candidates."
"How can someone with his blood fail the S-Class trials?"
Cana straightened her back and kept walking, doing her best to ignore the whispers that followed her. It wasn't even like they were saying anything new. Just the same whispers, the same gossip, the same stares.
Sometimes she even found herself thinking the rumors over. Wondering if there was a possibility that the small hospital had made a mistake and she was someone else's child, but ultimately, she would accept the fact that she was the daughter of her parents and move on.
Soldiering forward and ignoring the gossip didn't mean it didn't hurt- quite the opposite actually.
She was breaking down bit by bit. Any walls she managed to build would slowly be chipped down to size. At which point she would fall back on her tried and true coping methods- get black out drunk, crawl under her bed, and cry.
Was it the healthiest way to handle things?
No.
Was she going to keep doing it?
Yes.
Besides- what else could she do? Tell her dad?
Her dad adored her- he always made sure that she knew that, but his methods of showing her his love left something to be desired. Gildarts loved Cana in the way that a cherished possession was loved- putting it up on a pedestal for all to admire and none to touch, safe from harm and well protected.
Always protected, never the protector.
Her dad was very vocal about not wanting her on jobs, not wanting her to take the S-Class trials, and had even tried to decline her nomination for her, and in the aftermath of her defeat had coddled her for weeks. Saying it was a good thing- that his little princess shouldn't be risking her neck anyway.
Always the protected, never the protector.
He praised her skills with her cards while outright saying that she didn't have what it took to be a combat mage. He kept her at home as much as he could and when he was away, he had plenty of people giving him updates about her every move.
All she could do was grin and bear it. Maybe one day she'd finally earn his respect and prove that she was more than just 'daddy's little princess'.
oOOOOo
Today had been a hard day.
She'd woken up to an objectively beautiful day- clear skies, warm weather, and when she'd gone to the guildhall she'd been met with the preparations for this year's Fantasia parade.
Then it happened.
Mira had grabbed a job that she had wanted to take and said that prissy little daddy's girls shouldn't take jobs that required real skill- maybe Cana should try a tea party instead.
Hearing that from Mira wasn't bad. She barely spoke to her- the problem was that everyone had agreed with her. Laughing and telling her that maybe she should try some fortune telling jobs- wouldn't want Gildarts to get upset!
Cana wasn't sure why that was her breaking point.
She heard worse on a daily basis, heard people saying she should stop embarrassing herself by trying to be an S-Class wizard. But for some reason… for some reason they broke through her crumbling walls like they were made of wet cardboard.
The brunette had turned on her heel and walked right out of the hall.
Next thing she knew, she was in a small clearing that she liked to visit and bawling her eyes out.
She just had to get this out, once she'd cried it out, she would be calm and could rebuild her walls- she'd make them thicker this time around.
"Cana?" A familiar voice asked in confusion.
The card mage sniffled trying to get herself under control. She turned and glared at the encroaching blond," Go away Laxus."
"Yeah- like that's going to happen." He said with a snort, settling down beside his childhood best friend. He raised an eyebrow at her," So you going to tell me what's going on or do I have to force it out of you?"
Cana considered telling him to go fuck himself with a rake, then reconsidered. Maybe it would be nice to get all of this off of her chest.
Laxus was a jackass- but he wasn't the kind of guy to kick somebody while they were down or blab their secrets everywhere.
"Everyone… everyone keeps expecting me to be like my dad." She said quietly," I don't know if they think I'm deaf or what- but they never bother to lower their voices when they talk about me. They say shit like 'you sure she's really his kid' or 'she certainly didn't get her daddy's strength'. The guild seems stuck between not taking me seriously and being disappointed that I'm not him. It… it really hurts, because if I do well on a job, they say it's my dad's blood, but if I do bad then they ask how his kid could fail. I want to be 'Cana', not 'Gildarts Clive's daughter'."
The blond stared at her for a second then let out a loud breath," I know how you feel kid." He said and something about his tone made the brunette blink. That voice… Laxus got it.
"I am never saying this again- you tell anyone I will deny it." The lightning user growled, before letting out another sigh," They do it to me too. It's like nothing I do is really me- it's all because I'm related to Gramps. I don't know who actually respects me because I've earned it or who only respect my Gramps legacy. It bugs me too, not that I'll ever be able to do jack about it. But… well my point is I understand where you're coming from."
That was Laxus for you, he was an arrogant brute, but every once in a while, he would say exactly what needed to be said.
Cana gave her friend a small smile," Thanks for telling me. Its… knowing that somebody else deals with this too… thanks Laxus."
He let out a derisive snort," No good thanking me- it's not like either of us can do a damn thing about it. I can become the most powerful wizard on the planet and all anyone would ever see is him."
"I know." The brunette sighed," It's just… I wish I could get away from it all. Not forever, but maybe a couple weeks…"
The dragon slayer still, an idea beginning to form in his head," You know what Shorty?" He said in a vaguely surprised voice," That's not a bad idea."
"Huh?"
"Let's go on vacation."
The card mage blinked once, twice, three times as she stared at her surrogate cousin who had that stupid grin on that she remembered so well. "Where would we even go?" She asked incredulously.
Laxus gave her an excited look," Anywhere we want. I've always wanted to go to Siva, and didn't you say you wanted to see what Xing was like?"
"Yes…" Cana trailed off slowly," But we can't just- "
"Why not? What's stopping us?"
That stumped her. After a second of thinking it over the brunette finally asked," Want to leave tomorrow? Dad should be back by Friday and he'd never let me go even if I begged."
The blond gave her a smile that she hadn't seen in years," Tomorrow sounds great Shorty- meet you at the train station, we can head down to Hargeon and figure stuff out from there!"
"Sounds perfect." Cana said flashing him a grin of her own, now that she was thinking about it, getting away from everything for a while sounded like a blast. "Since we're going all the way out to Siva- how about we add Dressrosa to the list? The foods supposed to be off the charts and a friend of mind is getting married there soon."
"Shorty I'm liking the way you think- let's go wherever the fuck we want until we get sick of traveling. Then we can come back, its not like Fairy Tail's going anywhere."
oOOOOo
The next morning saw an unusual sight in the Fairy Tail guildhall.
Makarov Dreyar was found staring at the request board in a stupor, eyes bugging out and his jaw on the floor, completely unable to be roused no matter what anyone did. Then the confused guildmembers would take a look at whatever was so shocking… and found themselves in the same state.
We'll be back sooner or later! Don't miss us too bad!
-Cana and Laxus
The note was pinned to the request board and was attached to an obnoxiously- colored postcard of a parrot holding a pair of maracas that said 'bon voyage' in big orange letters.
Within the first hour after opening for the day the guildhall was full of shocked Fairies, each one trying to process this apparent bombshell of gossip.
Then almost at noon one brave soul finally piped up with a question that struck fear into everyone's hearts.
"… who gets to tell Gildarts?"
That's when Makarov started sweating.
oOOOOo
After finally snapping out of it, the old man was barking orders left and right. Sending everybody to go and search for the two of them and trying to get ahold of the lacrima his grandson usually kept on him.
…only for it to go off behind the bar.
Yeah… they should've figured he'd have left it behind.
And in the midst of trying to figure out where and why the two had suddenly taken off together… well is it any surprise that they jumped to conclusions?
oOOOOo
To say Gildarts was concerned would be an understatement; the emergency lacrima system was never used lightly, so for Master to have tried calling him twice meant something had to be wrong. It took a few moments for the call to go through and when it did, he was met with a half panicked guildmaster.
"H-hello Gildarts I see that you've gotten the message…" Makarov said uneasily, looking frazzled beyond anything Gildarts had ever seen from him.
"Yeah I did, Master what's going on- you don't use this thing lightly," Gildarts asked.
"It's- its Cana."
His blood ran cold- Cana, his baby Cana? "What's wrong with her- Master is she alright?! Can I talk to her?"
The way Makarov's demeanor changed only made the father more anxious," Master please tell me what happened to my baby!" Cana was the greatest part of his life, if something had happened to her-
"She and Laxus- "
"Don't tell me he took her on another S-Class job?!" The lightning user hadn't gotten his permission to take her the first time, even if it had all worked out in the end- she could have died, she could have had a limb ripped off- the best place for Cana was safe and sound at home. He felt horrible for being happy when she had failed the trials, he knew how disappointed she was, but if she wasn't S-Class then the danger she would be in was limited. But if that little weasel had taken his girl on a mission and she had gotten hurt… heads were going to roll.
"Uhm… actually- "
"Master just tell me already!" The crash mage yelled, already packing up his camp to head back to Magnolia- why wouldn't the man just tell him what was going on?!
"They eloped."
That made the Ace freeze- had he just-?
"…What?"
Makarov was visibly sweating as he repeated," They eloped."
"That's what I thought you said. Master- where is he?" The father asked coolly, the rage growing within him- who did that little punk think he was!
"… We haven't found them yet. We managed to track them as far as Hargeon, but by the time we got there they'd already left… and well… with a port that big… they could be anywhere by now."
"I'll find them." He swore. And when he did Laxus would die and Cana would be locked in the house for the rest of her life- as far away from outside influences as he could possibly get her.
"Uhm… Gildarts I would prefer if you brought Laxus back alive- "
"Not possible."
Makarov winced, he'd been expecting that, poor Laxus he would be dearly missed.
"Do you have any clues yet Master?"
The old man winced," We-e-ell," He said uneasily, with a slight nervous laugh," You see… well we've been talking to everyone in town and uhm… Mr. Sheppard- you know, the man who runs the station? Well- it's actually a funny story- "
"Master get to the point!" The Ace snarled like a rabid dog, making the old man's skin go white.
"He heard them talking about having the wedding in Dressrosa."
"…If you knew where they were headed why didn't you start with that?" He asked incredulously. Dressrosa… he'd never been personally but it was off the continent, between a chain of islands called Carmen and the country of Xing.
The old man let out another nervous laugh," Um, because… Gildarts do you know anything about the marriage laws in Dressrosa?"
"Why is that relevant?"
Makarov felt the last shred of hope that he wouldn't have to say it fly out the window," Gildarts… Cana is still underage, so the only way they would be able to get married without parental consent would be… would be if Cana was pregnant."
Suddenly the forest Gildarts had been standing in was a flat plain. Pregnant?! That little punk- it wasn't enough to take her away from her father, he had deflowered her. That bastard would be lucky if there was enough left to be buried when he was done with him! His poor little darling! Laxus must have manipulated her into all of this! She must be so scared!
"-ildarts. Gildarts." Oh, Master was trying to get his attention.
"What?" He snarled.
"…We don't know for sure if there is a pregnancy. For all we know they could just be doing some kind of spiritual thing and not legal-" He froze when he saw the look on the crash mage's face get even more venomous," You know what? You just get going after them- we'll search for more clues here and let you know if we find something.
"You better." Gildarts said harshly, almost destroying the lacrima when he went to end the call.
This was a nightmare come true.
Still- he knew where they were going and that was a start.
When he found them he wasn't sure what would come first- hugging his poor little angel, who was most likely terrified right now, or making the blond a bloody smear across the ground.
He wasn't going to sleep peacefully until she was back in his arms, safe and sound.
oOOOOo
"…You know he took that better than I thought." Macao said mildly, staring at the lacrima.
Makarov snorted, but didn't comment.
All was silent for a moment before Wakaba piped up from the corner where he was looking at some kind of brochure," So- do you think Gildarts is going to bring any part of Laxus back or should we just get a non-burial headstone?" The smoker asked curiously, holding up the brochure, which apparently featured the available options at the local cemetery.
The man didn't even bat an eye at the looks he received," Hey!" He said defensively," It's cheaper if you buy it in advance!"
"… Go for the non-burial headstone." The guildmaster said calmly, not looking anyone in the eye," There is no one on this planet that man loves more than his daughter- there is no way Laxus is coming back." He could cry about it later… at least he might have a great grandchild on the way. Got to try and look for that silver lining!
All was silent until the doors of the hall creaked open, Erza quietly slipping in, her cheeks as red as her hair.
The armored girl walked over to the bar where the majority of the adults are gathered, and refusing to make eye contact with anyone, stood at attention in front of the shortest man present. "We completed our search of Cana's bedroom Master." The scarlet-haired girl said, oddly formal.
"Did you find anything?" The old man asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl who's face somehow flushed even brighter.
"Yes- I suppose you could say that." The girl squeaked, passing a handful of photographs over to the miniature guildmaster.
Makarov took one look at the topmost picture and hit his jaw hit the floor.
Wondering what could possibly have elicited such a reaction from their fearless leader, everybody crowded around to have a look… and the sound of ten brains breaking at once could be heard the next town over.
"…holy shit."
"…Gildarts must never know."
"…Agreed."
Erza's cheeks were still brighter than her hair but she managed to helpfully point out," There's some writing on the back of that one actually."
Out of morbid curiosity, the grandfather flipped the… explicit… photograph over.
Thanks for last night, they all came out fantastic! Wound up adding this one to the archive!
Makarov carefully cleared his throat," … Would someone please go search Laxus' room again?" He asked in a high-pitched voice," 'Archive' implies more pictures… I didn't see anything like this…"
"Yeah… I'll take care of it Master…" Macao said in a daze, slowly turning around and beginning to walk in the general direction of the lightning user's apartment.
Everyone watched him go then looked back to the collection of photographs still in the Master's hands.
The armored wizard let out a squeak and then continued the rest of the report she'd come to make," Apart from the uh" She coughed as her cheeks flushed once again," Photographs- we found nothing else that indicated any travel plans or relationship with Laxus apart from several other photographs of the two of them as children. I apologize for my failure Master; you may strike me if you wish for my incompetence."
The old man waved her off," That won't be necessary Erza, just… you know what- just go home and forget you saw these."
The girl nodded sharply then turned on her heel and began making her way to her favorite bakery- she needed to bury her trauma in frosting.
This left the group of men standing in a daze.
Nab, his cheeks flaming, tried to tear his eyes away from the topmost picture- failing, he felt himself involuntarily comment," I had no idea that Cana was so… flexible…"
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he was hit by a beer mug thrown by Wakaba.
"Watch your mouth!" The smoker snapped," She is fourteen years old- fuck." The usually laid-back man furiously rubbed at his face. He'd known the girl since she'd barely come up to his knee, had babysat her on more then one occasion and now to see this girl who should be concerned with magic and music like that-
Well, Gildarts wasn't the only one who wanted a piece of Laxus that was for damn sure.
"What I want to know is how we all missed this." Vigitar exclaimed," I mean, I've never really seen those two interact before- how do you go from barely interacting to dirty pictures to eloping without there being some kind of evidence?"
That was a good question.
Makarov shook his head," There's probably been plenty of signs," He pointed out reasonably," We just weren't looking for them."
Still… you'd think there would have been some kind evidence at this point… Cana being underage only went so far to explain why everything was kept secret.
Well Gildarts probably contributed to the rest of it….
oOOOOo
"So you mean to tell me," Gildarts said in a tightly controlled voice, not unlike the last few seconds of quiet before a volcano erupted," That you let a fourteen year old leave the country with someone who was not a parent or a guardian and without a form of parental permission- which is illegal- and now you have absolutely no way to track them down?"
The squirrely young man swallowed nervously and gave the crash mage a hesitant nod.
BANG!
With a controlled release of magic, the Ace took out his frustrations on the desk between him and the unfortunate object of his ire. The wood being reduced kindling in a fraction of a second.
Upon reaching Hargeon, he had made his way through seven shipping and travel companies before he had finally found the one that had sold his daughter's kidnapper two tickets on what they called the 'wild card' route- meaning the two would have no way of knowing where they were going until they got on the boat. An unintended side effect of this was that the company also had no idea where they were.
"S-Sir?" A blonde haired woman asked hesitantly, staring at the crash mage like a frightened mouse," I-I understand that Mr. Davis broke company protocol in a very unforgivable way and that you are worried about your child, but- uh- if you could please calm down-"
"Calm down?" He asked incredulously," My daughter is missing, and you expect me to calm down?!"
His poor little Cana, she must be so scared right now.
His tiny little angel… how could he have not noticed this? Gildarts liked to think that he was an attentive father, but obviously must not be nearly as good as he thought if he didn't notice that this punk (who he'd trusted with her) had been grooming her and now may have even-
No.
No, he was not going to go there. There was absolutely no proof that Cana was pregnant.
But when he got his hands only that little lightning using-
BANG!
Another blast of crash magic succeeded in destroying a wall and making all the employees shriek in terror.
He growled," Find out where they're going and get me on the next boat there- after all this it is the least you can do- "
The blonde woman squared herself with a show of false confidence," Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She said firmly," There is nothing more we can do for you as we cannot track our wild card tickets- Mr. Davis' employment will be terminated, if you could please- "
"No." The crash mage said firmly," I refuse to believe that you have no way of tracking them down and since this whole clusterfuck is partially your responsibility you have an obligation to make it right. I also fully intend to press charges for aiding in a kidnapping."
That was when the woman's mask broke, they were a small shipping company that actually didn't even have a license to sell the tickets that they did. To add to all of that- Gildarts Clive was not a man you wanted to make angry.
"HALT! GILDARTS CLIVE PLEASE EXIT THE PREMISES!" A loud voice yelled from outside making all parties inside blink in confusion. Out of curiosity Gildarts went to the window and felt like bashing his head against the glass when he saw the Rune Knights outside.
Seriously? What the fuck did they want?
If they thought he was going to care about what the fuck the council wanted over finding his little girl they had another thing coming.
oOOOOo
"ACHOO!" Cana wiped her nose after the violent sneeze.
"Bless you." Laxus commented nonchalantly from the hammock where he was drinking a cocktail out of a coconut. "Catching a cold?"
The brunette slowly shook her head," I have horrible feeling that my dad is doing something stupid right now."
"Not our problem."
"So right!" She said with a grin and clacked her glass against his coconut. After taking a swig of the most potent alcohol she could get her hands on, she gave her cousin a smirk," So- care to tell me who your new acquaintance is?"
The blond's cheeks reddened," Shut up." He grumbled in embarrassment, which made Cana start snickering.
"She kept shoving her boobs in your face-!"
"Shut. Up."
"And you got a nosebleed- "
"I said shut up!" Laxus snapped," How would you have felt if she'd done it to you?!"
"Exceedingly thrilled." She said in complete seriousness, making her cousin snort.
"Womanizer."
"And proud of it."
oOOOOo
BREAKING NEWS: The Fairy Tail Love Birds!
This just in on guild gossip: Laxus Dreyar (grandson of Fairy Tail guildmaster Makarov Dreyar) and Cana Alberona (daughter of Fairy Tail Ace Gildarts Clive) ran away together after leaving a note behind that the two of them had decided to elope.
This move from the love birds has sent the lives of their families spiraling upside down.
Readers will remember that fourteen-year-old Cana is the apple of her father's eye. With Gildarts gaining considerable public disapproval for several of his parenting decisions- the most infamous being that he refused to let his daughter walk outside alone until she was ten years old- it is still widely known that he adores his young daughter and would be devastated to lose her; that said, he is now openly furious that nineteen year old Laxus would dare to take his little girl away from him. The crash mage also assaulted several members of the Blue Anchor Shipping Company- seeing as they unwittingly played a role in helping the sweethearts get out of the country.
A Mister Jackson Sheppard, who runs the train station in Magnolia where the guild is based, claims that he heard the two of them discussing having the wedding in Dressrosa- which adds a whole new element to this story.
For those who are unaware- Dressrosa is a vibrant country famous for its tantalizing culture and cuisine. The marriage laws of this country are what add a whole new element to this story: in the case of an underage bride, the only way for a couple to be married without parental consent would be if the bride was pregnant.
Pregnancy has not been confirmed nor have the lovebirds been found, but things are certainly heating up in their absence.
The Fiorian Magic Council have now placed Gildarts Clive under house arrest, fearing that he may cause an international incident in his efforts to reclaim his missing child. Makarov Dreyar on the other hand, was reportedly heard saying that he wouldn't be too upset if he did have a great grandchild on the way.
Now we turn the question to you readers: is Cana Alberona pregnant and is this the reason for the rushed elopement? Is this a story of young love or of predatory grooming of a child? Will Gildarts kill Laxus for his part in this whole mess?
Only time will tell.
DAY 47 AND STILL NO SIGN OF THE STARCROSSED LOVERS!
DRESSROSA HAS ISSUED A FORMAL STATEMENT: THEY WILL SEND CANA BACK TO HER FATHER!
LOVEBIRDS NEVER MADE IT TO DRESSROSA! WHERE ON EARTHLAND COULD THEY BE?
oOOOOo
"Home sweet home." Laxus said with a grin on his face as the two finally arrived at the guildhall.
"I wonder what happened while we were gone?" Cana mused, then shook it off," After you." She said with an exaggerated gesture to the door, the blond affectionately rolled his eyes but complied.
He pushed open the doors to reveal the usual bustle of the guildhall.
"Hey everybody we're back!"
The room froze. And, as one, all heads turned to face the two teenagers in the doorway.
"Uh… welcome back…" Macao squeaked in shock, staring at the two of them with the same jaw-dropped look on his face as the rest of the room.
The cousins shared a bemused look.
"Uh, is everything okay?" Cana asked in mild concern, feeling slightly creeped out by the way everyone focused the scrutiny on her.
"E-everything's fine." Nab said dumbly from his spot by the request board," How was the wedding?"
That made the two of them blink in confusion.
"Uh… we didn't wind up going." The brunette said hesitantly, making the room give them confused looks," The weather was bad and for some reason Dressrosa had tightened their borders so we went to Camron instead… how did you guys even know about it?"
"Enough chit chat." Laxus said brusquely," Anyone know where Gramps is? We brought back a souvenir for him."
"I'll go get him." Levy said slowly, mechanically walking up the stairs.
Now the two were really fucking confused. They hadn't exactly expected a red carpet, but this was weird even for Fairy Tail. The walked over to the bar and set their bags down, trying to ignore the way everyone openly gawked at them.
Thankfully they didn't have to wait long for Makarov to come down.
The old man stared at his two grandchildren," So, you're back." He said gruffly, trying not to look at Cana's covered stomach.
"Yeah Gramps." Laxus said slowly like he was talking to a toddler," We are indeed back- and we come bearing presents for the lot of you if you want them."
"Oh- what did you bring back?" The old man asked, equal parts curious and nervous as he watched Laxus rummage through his bag. Was this some kind of pregnancy announcement- or maybe it was a wedding photo…?
And then his mind went blank as the gift was put in his hands.
"Seriously you two?" He said in exasperation as the teenagers started cracking up.
"Can you blame us?" Cana asked in between giggles. "Come on- you would've had no respect for us if we didn't!"
A ridiculously oversized mug that had a caricature of an old man surrounded by babies: Just A Hundred More Kids To Go Til Retirement.
"Don't worry Gramps," The lightning user said as his chuckles died down," We got you something else." And promptly pulled out a gigantic flyswatter labelled: For Unruly Children.
The old man rolled his eyes as everyone started giggling. They were right- he would've thought less of them if they hadn't.
"So," He said loudly over the laughter," You two left rather suddenly- are there any announcements you'd like to make?"
Both teenagers blinked, the confusion returning to the forefront of their minds.
They shared a glance.
"Uh… not that I can think of." Cana said hesitantly, eyeing all the expectant faces. "Why?"
"Oh, was just wondering." The old man with a nervous laugh- how do you ask a woman if she's pregnant without being insulting?
"Are you really having a baby?" Thank you Natsu for taking the bullet for you beloved Master.
The brunette blinked and stared stupidly at her gathered guildmates," No- why would you think I would be?"
Levy piped up an anxious smile on her face," Well- the laws in Dressrosa say the only way that an underage bride can get married without parental consent would be if the bride is pregnant, so naturally we assumed-"
"What?" Laxus asked in confusion," Why would marriage laws in Dressrosa be relevant?"
"Oh, so you guys got married somewhere else?"
"Wait…" Cana said, the light in her head finally clicking on," You guys think that we…" She trailed off, looking thunderstruck.
The two looked from each other to the crowd and back again, before they both started gagging.
"That's disgusting!" She yelled, her tanned complexion bleaching to a greenish-white as she tried to control her urge to vomit.
Laxus wasn't much better off," She's a kid!" He yelled in revulsion," I don't fuck kids! I definitely don't fuck kids I'm practically related too!"
"What made you guys think-?!"
The peanut gallery were stunned and confused.
"Wait- you mean you guys didn't elope?" Somebody asked incredulously.
"Of course not!" The blond shouted in disgust," Why the hell would you think that?"
Makarov spoke up," There were witnesses that heard you talking about a wedding in Dressrosa- adding to that your abrupt departure- "
"My friend was getting married in Dressrosa!" Cana exclaimed, the pieces finally clicking into place," We were both feeling bored and went on vacation- we were going to go because it was on the way! And we left in the moment because we could- we certainly weren't eloping or whatever!"
"Then what about the pictures?" Erza asked incredulously, then smacked both hands over her mouth when she realized what she'd just said.
The brunette stared at the red head," What pictures?"
The old man coughed uncomfortably, gaining the undivided attention of the card mage," We, uh… you see when we first thought you had eloped we searched your rooms for clues and found… ahem… explicit photographs in yours."
The violet eyed girl raised an eyebrow," Did one of them have writing on the back of it?"
He nodded slowly.
She facepalmed.
"Those were art shots." She said in exasperation," The model they were supposed to use canceled last minute so Zack called me. They were pictures of the poses that everyone drew. They came out awesome, so they saved the shots for future classes."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously." She snapped, then a thought popped into her head that filled her with terror. "Wait- my Dad doesn't know about your conspiracy theories… right?" She asked hopefully, and that hope was immediately dashed to pieces when everyone winced.
"...He's under house arrest."
"HE'S WHAT?!"
oOOOOo
Gildarts was laying on his couch, like a morose, red-headed bear.
Three months.
It had been three months of this hell.
Three months since his little girl had been spirited away in the middle of the night. Three months since he had the peace of mind knowing his baby was safe. Three months since the council had locked his magic and put up runes to keep him in his house when he should be out there getting his baby back-
He was broken out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening.
Probably just his daily dose of human contact from Master.
"Jeez- I leave for three months and you trash the place?"
He froze and slowly lifted his head to see the unimpressed face (oh, what a beautiful face- a balm to his soul) of his baby girl.
"Hi Dad." She said with a small smile once she had his attention.
"CANA! MY SWEET BABY GIRL!"
The brunette only had a second to prepare herself before she was lovingly tackled to the floor by the overprotective idiot she affectionately called 'dad'.
"My little darling!" He sobbed, clutching her like she was a lifeline," I was so worried- don't worry Daddy's here and he'll never let you out of his sight again. No matter what that monster did to you I still love you and always will-!"
Cana snapped her fingers under her father nose to get him to stop.
"Before you go any further- let me set the record straight." She and said calmly," I'm not pregnant, Laxus did not kidnap me, we did not elope, I am not married and won't be for a long time, and all we did was go on vacation."
"What?" He asked dumbly.
"You can relax- Laxus is not a predator who stole me away. We just decided to go on vacation, and everything got blown out of proportion."
"Story later." He said firmly, pulling his baby into his lap," Cuddles now."
"Sounds good." She said with a wry grin, hugging her old man back.
They had a lot to talk about, but she didn't mind putting it off for a little while. After all- she'd missed her dad a lot while she was gone.
AN: Yeah... this one came completely out of left field. But I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I would put it up, would hardly be the first questionable chapter I've put up. The picture thing may sound kind of iffy, but I picture it as mostly suggestive bikini shots. Think what you will, the only times I condone this sort of thing is in fiction where I have 100% control over the situation and the outcome. In original drafts she was eighteen but one it was funnier with her being younger, and two, the age gap still made me twitchy.
So: not my best but what do you think? I feel like I've been getting pretty repetitive lately and wanted to break it up.