princesselsaamidala22: Normally, Luke would have found out the truth about Vader in the sequel. But I'm thinking of putting it in the first story. There are a lot of things that I might change, but I will let you guys know a bit later, when I've made up my mind :)

Chapter 195

On Naboo

Laetitia quietly entered Padme Amidala's Mausoleum. She left the Rebel Outpost a day ago. She didn't even tell Luke where she was going. Just that she wanted to go get some fresh air. She really needed that.

She took a look around to see what had changed in the 5 years she wasn't able to visit. It was a bit dusty, but she could feel that her aunt, Sola, and her family visited her mother's grave from time to time. At least, she wasn't forgotten, as Leah feared.

She sat on the ground, emotions overfilling her. She really needed her mother, now more than ever.

"Hi, mom." She breathed out quietly.

"It's been ... 5 years. I'm sorry for not visiting before. I was ... God, I miss you now more than ever." She cried out to herself.

Leah took a deep breath to pull herself together. She knew that technically, she was alone. But she still didn't like to cry in front of her mother.

"Okay, so a short summary of everything you missed. First of all, Luke is fine and safe, but he's been showing his Skywalker traits more and more. I died, came back to life ... got married ..." She paused as she felt piercing pain in her heart at his mention.

"... Felt my husband die ... give birth to my daughter ... Your granddaughter. My God, I wish you could see her. I wish I could see her." She chuckled wryly in sadness.

"She is ... so beautiful. So pure ... If you ask me, I think she's most like you ... innocent, brave, stubborn ... suffering because of me. I mean, I ... literally destroyed everyone's life in the Galaxy. You, Thexan's, Iliana's ... dad's ..." Leah trailed off sadly as she remembered what she had learned in the past few weeks.

"So, is there any way, like a Force-y loophole, that would allow you to talk to me? Because I really have no idea what to do now. It turns out dad turned to the dark side because of me ... I know! What a jerk, right? I mean, who asked him to step up for me like that? Who asked him to save me? Who asked him to ... turn into a monster and kill everyone for me? I sure as hell didn't!" She defended herself, crying in guilt.

She knew that that was her way of covering her true feelings, but she still didn't feel like she was doing a good job of hiding them. She was so confused.

"It's all my fault. Everything, all of it. I could have given him a chance ... to be my father again ... but I didn't even try. I didn't want to try ... because a part of me didn't want to have him back. I didn't want to get my hopes up and love him again, so he could disappoint me again. With the way he is, I wanted to believe that even if he came back and returned to the man he was, my father and Luke's, he could easily turn back into that monster ... I didn't trust him because I simply didn't want to be disappointed again."

Leah took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. She felt so guilty that she couldn't even breathe.

"I turned my father into a monster. I could have stopped all of this ... but I was too caught up in the mess he was leaving behind. Had I even bothered to ask him the reason why he decided to become Darth Vader, I probably would have been able to stop all of this from happening. It was easier to be mad at him. It was easier to hate him ... but I guess I never did. I mean, I saved his life. So what does that say?" She wondered in confusion.

"For all my life, every time I faced a problem, I somehow moved on from it. I didn't let it stop me. I didn't let anything stop me because I believed in myself ... but who am I? What am I? The Qorit? The Sword of the Jedi? The end of everything? ... Or a daughter who hated her dad for saving her?" Leah whispered sadly in pain.

"God, mom, I hate myself to a point that I can't even breathe. I hate myself for being born. I hate myself for leaving Thexan behind. I hate myself for not giving dad a chance ... and I hate myself for not wanting to give him a chance." She cried out in shame of feeling what she was feeling.

"Even at this moment, I still hesitate to help him because of this annoying voice in my head. Even right now, with everything I know! ... a part of me still doesn't want to help him, and I really hate myself for that. The more my heart aches for my father, the more my hatred and rage towards myself grows, to a point that I'd wanna destroy myself."

If she was anyone else, literally anyone else in the Galaxy, Leah would have already killed them. No one hurt her family and lived ... ever ... But how was she supposed to hate herself? How was she supposed to kill herself? What was she supposed to do?

"I wanna laugh with my dad again, to be the 4 of us with Luke and Iliana ... but I can't. I wanna tell dad to start living again, that he should leave bringing balance to the Force to the Qorit ... but how am I supposed to do that? How can I tell him to trust me when I don't even trust myself?" Leah asked, hoping to hear an answer.

She took a deep breath repeatedly to get a hold of herself. She laughed softly as she wiped the tears off her face.

"I'm sorry, mom. I visit you after 5 years, and all I do is nag and cry about my life. I guess I'm still not myself. It's just ... I don't know what to do. I don't know which step to take next. I don't ..." She paused as she was about to dive back into her memories, but she immediately stopped herself.

"But hey, in all these years, I did gain something. I finally understand you. I actually understand why you were so broken without the will to live after dad betrayed you like that ... You loved him ... just like I loved Thexan." She quietly said.

There was a time that she hated Padme for choosing death over her two children. And she hated herself for feeling that way. She knew that Palpatine Force-drained her mother to save Darth Vader, but still ... She needed someone to blame, and Padme was the easiest.

"I can relate why people would choose death over living after losing someone they loved. The pain, it's too much. It's ripping my heart to pieces ... It's not always the fear of losing that scares us. It's that we've given them so many of our pieces ... that we fear losing a part of ourselves when they're gone. And that's exactly how I feel ... Empty." She quietly said with no emotion.

Leah suddenly stood up when she heard her comlink beep. She knew without checking that it was Luke. She had disappeared long enough.

"Okay. I have to go. Luke needs me back at the Base. Thanks for listening to your daughter, who hasn't given you any reason to even tolerate." She smiled wryly.

"You were right, mom. There was still good in him. There is ... and I am going to find it, no matter what. I owe it to you. I promised you. You're right. He's too stubborn to find it himself or ask for help. So I have to help him." Leah strongly promised.

She was still confused, but that was her guilt. She needed to bring her father back. She needed to help him. He needed her help to come back, as Padme told her on Mustafar 20 years ago.

"I don't think I'll have a chance to come here again. I'm gonna be so busy ... but I really hope that the next time I see you, it'd be in person. Then, I'd cry into your arms and apologize for everything." She cried out quietly.

"I love you, mom. Till the next time."

After 'talking' to Padme, Laetitia left for the Rebel Outpost immediately. She still hadn't forgotten what happened the last time she went there. Darth Vader captured her and Luke. The only reason why they were able to get out safely was because Thexan risked everything to save them.

Even the thought of going there was a risk ... but she needed to take it.

Leah entered her room. She tiredly put the things out of her bag and fell on the bed. She had no energy, physically or mentally. She felt so tired and empty. She felt Mina come in, but she didn't turn around to see her. She just exhaled deeply as she managed to put a smile on her face for her.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Hi." Mina simply replied. She could feel a lot of confusion and conflict from her in the Force.

"Auntie Lee, are you alright?" She asked with the risk of being yelled at.

"Yeah, I'm just ... going through something really hard." Leah vaguely said as she sighed.

"Does it have something to do with Iliana?"

Leah didn't react at all. Mina was one of the few people who knew about Iliana. She didn't know the details. Just that she was away for her safety.

"No. I mean, yeah. I think about her every day. I miss her ... so much that it hurts to breathe." She breathed out sadly.

"Well, I'm sure you're gonna be with her one day. I have a lot of things to do with my cousin." Mina smiled warmly.

"That's right." Leah simply smiled with her.

"Can I ask something?"

"Sure, Mini."

"Who is Darth Vader?" Mina suddenly asked.

Leah was caught completely off guard. She inhaled in struggle as she sat on the bed. What was she asking?

"Hmm?"

"Luke's starting to suspect something, but I've been confused for a while. I thought you hated him. But ... why do you not want him dead? Why do you wanna save him?" Mina asked as she felt how her aunt and Master was feeling in the Force.

Leah forgot who she was dealing for a second. Her apprentice was very smart and quick ... Maybe too quick for her age.

"It's really complicated, Mina. The thing is ... Darth Vader, before he turned to the dark side ... He used to take care of me. We were friends ... but then, everything changed." Leah vaguely replied, hoping that was enough.

"If he took care of you when you were little, then why do you hate him? I know that he's a Sith Lord, but you loved him once. Why didn't you give him a chance to explain why he did it?" She asked.

Leah turned to see her niece. She was ... speechless. For once, she had nothing to say to her. Even a kid, who had no idea of their true relationship, believed that Darth Vader deserved a chance ... but she didn't. She hadn't even given her own father the benefit of the doubt.

What did that say about her?

"You are ... very mature, Mina Bonteri. You know that?" Leah chuckled honestly.

Mina giggled as she squealed happily.

"Well, I have a wise Master."

"I'm not sure about that, kiddo." She breathed out sadly.

"So why do you hate him? And please tell me it's not because you're a Gray Jedi ... What did he do to you?" Mina picked the right spot to hit on, which caused Leah to sigh. How was she supposed to explain that?

"Darth Vader ... He raised me. He made me who I am. He made me feel loved once ... Now, you ask why I hate him. Well ... the thing is, it's hard to hate the person you used to love so much. You can't really hate someone who's given you life. You just end up hating yourself." Leah stated sadly.

"The truth is, I would love to hate him. And trust me, I have tried. I've tried to convince myself that I wanted him dead. And I wish I felt that way. It would make things a whole lot easier ... but I can't hate him when he destroyed himself because of me."

"Auntie Lee, that's okay. You're not just a Jedi. You're also a daughter to your father. You can be both at the same time ... I'm pretty sure your daddy is also asking you to save him." Mina stated casually.

Leah smiled as she nodded. That was true. Ahsoka's daughter was as wise as her mother ... She suddenly realized what Mina actually said. She blinked in surprise as she turned to her niece with her eyes wide open in surprise.

Did she hear her right? How the hell did she figure it out?! Of all people?

"What?"

"I'm mature, you know. You said it yourself." Mina snipped innocently.

"Mina ..."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell Luke." She reassured her quickly, knowing what she was going to ask.

"But you should. He's his son, and he's already suspecting something. He would want to know ... from you."

Leah opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Mina knew. She found out ... but Luke still didn't know. If, one day, he found out, how would he forgive her if Mina knew and he didn't? How would he even forgive her at all?

She basically lied to him for all his life. She could make up excuses that it was all for his sake, but that's all they were ... Excuses.

As they were both silent, Ahsoka joined her daughter and friend. They looked like they were having one of those serious/simple discussions. They were, after all, Master and Padawan.

She looked at her daughter, asking for an explanation for Leah's depressed face. Mina shrugged as she raised her shoulders as a sign that she didn't do anything. She, too, had no idea why she was this sad. She just left her mother and aunt alone to talk.

Once she left, Laetitia fell apart on her bed. Tears were falling from her eyes, but she was so quiet that Ahsoka could doubt if she was breathing at all. She sat on the bed with her as she took a deep breath.

"You're making it really hard not to pity you, you know." Ahsoka pointed out.

Leah sighed as she kept on sobbing. She was a true wreck.

"What are you thinking in that big, complicated, murder-y head of yours?"

"Do you think he regrets it?" Leah suddenly asked.

"Dad ... Do you think he feels sorry for ruining everything he had to keep the one thing he lost first?"

Ahsoka sighed deeply as she looked away from her friend. She knew that Leah needed any answer desperately, but she didn't know what to say to her. She, too, was confused as to what to feel.

"Is that what you want?" She asked.

"Yes." Leah immediately answered coldly, but she changed it after actually thinking about it.

"No ... The thought of him being in agony hurts me even more." She cried out quietly.

It was the first time that she had ever admitted that. She didn't want to see her father like how she was feeling. She didn't want him to go through what she was going through.

"I think he regrets how things turned out. But he loves you very much, so ... if he had the chance to do it all over again, I think he would try to save you again." Ahsoka sadly said.

"No matte the cost." Leah whispered.

"No matter the cost."

Done :)