Diaries of a Madman

by whatmustido

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal with the devil-himself, of course-in order to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making. Enter the poor human hero.

206. Chapter Two Hundred and Four

Chapter Two Hundred and Four

When we got back to the house, it was probably around three or four. I could see Taya with two other young ponies in the backyard, standing in front of Watcher. It looked like he was demonstrating some kind of magic for them, using the crystal golem as his target. Two mares I didn't recognize were looking over the large cherry blossom trees with Aurora, the male griffin maid. Two guards were using shovels to throw snow off the cliffside in preparation for spring. Graceful piano notes were ringing through the air, so Spider was presumably home.

"It's good to be back," I said. "Kat, give her the horn. We can have Twilight reattach it whenever she's around." Kat hurried to do so. The mare from the tower took the horn with some amount of reverence. "Silence, you're off guard duty. Thanks for the assistance." He bowed and left without a word. "Kat, head downstairs to see if there's any news. I'll be in my room."

"As you wish," Kat replied with a curtsy. She walked out and headed down the stairs. I took a peek over the railing and didn't see Doppel, so I used my new wings to fly up to my door.

When I checked the dayglass on my desk, I saw that more than a day had passed. I pulled off enough armor to get to my stomach, removed the seed from my belly button, replaced it with another, and finally flipped the dayglass again. I didn't want to let the seed out of my sight, so I dropped it in a small leather bag attached to a chain and slipped it around my neck.

It's been a full day since I woke up from the coma… and I'm completely alone right now. Is he really not going to show himself? I certainly won't complain, but you'd think he'd come to greet his supposed fiancee.

"Don't tempt fate," Flo said. "It's better for that thing to stay far away."

"Agreed," Darya said. "I never want to see that thing in the flesh."

Lounging around the house in armor wouldn't be all too comfy, so I began pulling the rest off. There weren't any stands for it, so I gently laid all the pieces out on the bed. The armor looked much more normal broken down, since all the runes weren't glowing anymore.

Kat got upstairs before I could finish removing everything and instantly began helping. "You have a guest, my lady," she said. "It's a large griffin, apparently some kind of noble. He's requesting an introduction to a Lady Ivory."

So it's that guy, huh? "I don't know anyone by that name," I said. "Still, I can't just turn a noble away without even meeting him. Help me get dressed in something that's decent enough to casually greet him in."

"As my countess commands," Kat said. "This guest seemed quite surprised by Spider's performance. For now, he looks content to sit and listen."

"Spider's definitely pretty good. Has Flo been teaching him more?"

"She has," Kat replied. "Spider improved a lot while you were away."

"I see he was able to focus better without me here…"

"T-that isn't what I meant, my lady!" Kat hastily said, pulling me close for a hug.

"Oh, I see."

A few long moments later, Kat let me go and slowly began dressing me again. She still looked a little dejected, so I knew I had done a good job.

She perked right back up when I was fully dressed, though. "What do you think, my lady?"

I hadn't really been paying attention, so I gave myself a cursory once-over in the mirror. I had on a simple white blouse and a flowing green skirt. "It'll do," I replied with a nod. "I'm going to go greet this griffin. Since I have no idea who this Lady Ivory person is, I want you to write a letter of introduction to Fleur. We can give it to him when he leaves. She knows more ponies, after all." He might read the letter, so I'll have to warn Fleur in her dreams that this Lady Ivory was actually Twilight.

"As you command," Kat said. "I'll join you downstairs in a moment." The closest source of paper was my desk, so she walked over there while I went to the door. Flying downstairs while in a skirt would be bad, even for me, so I walked down properly.

By the time I reached the ground floor, Doppel was waiting with a smile. "My lady, you have a guest. And when you are finished with him, the two new prospective maids are ready for their interview."

"The mares in the garden?" I asked.

"The very same," Doppel replied with a nod. "Two of Taya's friends are also in the backyard, learning from Watcher. Would you like me to prepare tea for you? Your guest already has a cup."

"No thank you. I don't know who this Lady Ivory is, so I don't think he'll be long."

"Hm. So you don't want my tea, then…?"

"Not right now, no. Maybe later. Is he in the sun room?"

"...Yes, my lady. I shall show you in." Apparently I was supposed to take some tea anyway, since she seemed a little sullen. I'm not really sure why, since most of the tea leaves available in Equestria were pretty terrible. She showed me in regardless, where I saw the same noble who bought me at the griffin festival. He was sitting at one of the tables, sipping at a cup of tea.

His eyes widened and he froze when he saw me. That's not too surprising, given how unique I looked. Seeing myself in the mirror still shocked me every now and then. He got ahold of himself as I walked over and by the time I made it to the table, he was standing up to bow. "Greetings, Lady Navarone," he said. "My name is Lord Darkplume."

Of course the anime geek would have a dark and edgy name. Oh shit, what if he recognizes my voice? Well, I was planning on lying from the start, so let's throw the dice. "It's nice to meet you, Lord Darkplume." Sure enough, his eyes fluttered when I started speaking, but he quickly blinked it away. "I've been told you were hoping for an introduction."

"Indeed, I was hoping you could help me. If I'm honest, it's a complete shot in the dark, but this is too trivial to bother the griffins at the embassy with and I don't know where else to turn. Have you by chance met a mare called Lady Ivory? She was a completely pure white mare, somepony impossible to miss. It seems she was a fan of manga, something I heard was a human invention."

"I don't know of any ponies by that name, but I did hear rumors of her and a maid while I was in Gryphus for a festival. All I heard is that the maid managed to win some famous contest, though. Then later, I think I saw a wanted poster up for her, for some reason."

"...If I'm honest, the maid is the one I'm searching for. I was hoping to use Lady Ivory as an intermediary."

"I'm afraid I can't be of any assistance. However, I'm having Katrina write you a letter of introduction to Lady Fleur de Lis. She was the noble who first started the manga craze and her social circle is a lot wider than mine. It's possible she can point you in the right way. She lives here in Canterlot, but she's in the middle of a major project so she's been traveling all over recently."

"Even I've heard of Lady Fleur de Lis," the griffin said with a small grin. "I'm delighted you can assist me, my lady." If I'm honest, this is starting to make me feel guilty. Doing a little snip snip with his memory is way too rude, but telling the truth is completely impossible. I'm so glad this is going to be Fleur's problem now. Let's find a way to get him out of my house before Fleur thinks of an excuse to show up here.

"If you can't find the maid you're looking for, you might need to stay in town for a while to find another," I said. "It took me a few weeks to find two willing to work with another species. Moving to another country entirely is asking a lot, too."

"I'm afraid no other maid will be able to replace my Rosie… Do you truly think Lady Fleur will have a lead?"

"If there's a Lady Ivory in Canterlot, Fleur can find her." And just in time, Kat was walking in with a letter. She held it up for me with a bow. I took it and quickly glanced it over, then handed it to the guy. "This letter mentions the request for an introduction. And if you're interested in finding other fans of manga, Fleur can likely assist with that as well."

"I truly appreciate it, my lady," the giant griffin replied with a bow. "I am in your debt." You're really not. It's my fault you're in this mess.

"If you're interested in repaying my lady, perhaps you could support Princess Gilda, if it ever comes to it," Kat very impertinently said.

"Ah, I heard you were allies with the princess," Darkplume replied with a nod. "Of course, my lady. I'm not sure what manner of assistance I might lend, but I'll be sure to do so. Now, I heard you've been away for quite a while. I'd hate to take up more of your time…"

"I wish you well on your search," I said with a fake smile. Kat saw the giant fellow out while I tried to think up a way to explain the whole thing away.

"Did that griffin trouble you, countess?" Doppel suddenly asked from next to me. Kat had rejoined me as well, but was so quiet I hadn't noticed her.

"You know how Twilight and I went in disguise to the griffin festival?"

"Oh, so you're the pony he's looking for?" Doppel said. I sighed and fell into one of the seats. "Well, telling the truth is obviously out of the question. Does he suspect you?"

"It looked like he recognized the voice, but how would someone who knows nothing about magic have any way of tying us together?"

"So, did you seduce him?"

"We were at an auction where chicks are sold out as girlfriends. I was dressed as a maid. That guy bought me for a ridiculous sum because pony maids were his fetish. And then, instead of dominating me and pounding me hard, he was super shy and lame. So I had to get a little pushy, you know? It ended up backfiring and he asked me to marry him."

"Been there, done that," Doppel said, patting me on the shoulder. "It's always awkward. So what'd you say?"

"Wildfire, which happened to be a codeword that Twilight set up to teleport me to a safe location."

"Oof, my lady… Harsh."

"So is asking a girl you bought at an auction to marry you after sloppily fucking her once. Anyway, the point is that he's here and we need to deal with him. I plan on letting Fleur know that the people he's looking for are fake. Then it'll be her problem."

"Doesn't he deserve at least a little closure?"

"Sure, but only if you're volunteering for the position of Rosie. If we explain it all away as Rosie being a changeling, I'm sure we can scare him off. After all, changelings aren't even allowed in his city."

"No bucking way, nuh uh," Doppel said, shaking her head furiously. "That'll just inflame him even more with the forbidden love angle! Trust me, been there and done that! He doesn't need the correct closure, does he? Just, you know, closure. I'm sure we can come up with a story that'll satisfy him, like saying Rosie was actually a married noblemare in disguise. That way he can be angry instead of sad. And more to the point, he won't keep looking into it to the point where he stumbles upon the truth. I'm sure you weren't at all subtle while you were there, after all."

"...I'll try to come up with something the next time I speak to Fleur. Thank you for being such a devious slut, Doppel."

"It's always a pleasure to serve, my lovely lady. Speaking of which, might I ask to be called upon tonight? After all, I'd like to extend your celebration… late into the night."

"I'll think about it," I said with a grin. Kat placed a paw on my shoulder, which I definitely ignored. "We'll probably need to be more subtle about this around the new maids."

"No, I've already informed them of the various ways I serve you. It's a part of being your head of household, after all." Is it really, though? "Of course, I have to make sure to extract all your lust so you won't think of laying hands on the other maids… or vassals." Kat's grip on my shoulder suddenly became quite sharp, but I still ignored it.

"Thank you for your sacrifice. So, want to show them in? Or should I start by embarrassing Taya in front of her friends?"

"...I believe Taya already has enough issues. You hardly need to create more for her!"

"Relax, I was mostly joking. Don't parents embarrass their kids by default?"

"...I wouldn't know," Doppel stuffily replied. "I will say that one of Taya's friends wanted to meet you, but with that kind of attitude…"

"I'm not going to purposefully embarrass my daughter, Doppel, geez. I already ruined her enough. Go bring in the new maids. I promise not to grope them."

"As you command, my lady." With that, Doppel walked off to the garden.

Once the door was shut behind her, Kat's painful grip relaxed and she asked, "Should I embarrass Taya for you?"

"No, I really was joking. It's a pure miracle that Taya actually has friends. I don't want to risk ruining it for her."

"...My lady, what is wrong with you?" Kat whispered. "Why do you talk that way about your own filly? It would devastate her to hear you say that…"

It actually might, but that's why I'm careful not to say those things where she can hear me. I guess in that regard, maybe it's better to go one step further and just not say it at all? Man, where's the fun in that? "It sounds like Cascade is doing good work," I said with a smile. "Well done!"

"Um, my lady…?"

"Yes, Kat?"

"There are certain kinds of evil that aren't quite as fun to watch as others. Please keep that in mind going forward."

"I seem to recall someone saying she would serve me with no complaints or questions. Are you starting to change your mind, Kat?"

"...I was under the impression that a mindless slave was of little value to you, my lady. And if I am to be given permission to follow you into eternity, then I'm sure one of your requirements will be some manner of mind of my own."

"Hm…" My musings on the matter would remain private, just to make her sweat a little. That and the two new maids were coming in, followed by the slutty bughorse. Should a lady stand to greet possible new employees? I guess it's better to err on the side of politeness. With that line of thought, I started to stand, only to find Kat's paw back on my shoulder to keep me in my seat. I guess I'll be sitting, then.

"These are the mares I told you about, Lady Navarone," Doppel said. The mares in question, both the master race of unicorn, stopped in front of the table and curtsied. One was light pink with long golden hair. Her bright blue eyes seemed oddly dull. The other mare was dark blue with short, dark grey hair. Her dark blue eyes seemed to light up enough to match her smile. They had the same height and looked more similar than most ponies, so I figured they were related. I couldn't see either of their cutie marks, with their dresses in the way.

"I'm Evening Mist!" the dark blue mare happily said. "It's an honor to meet you, my lady!"

"I'm Sunset Breeze, Lady Navarone," the pink mare calmly added.

"I am Lady Navarone," I said. "I was originally a human. Now I am what is called a tree sister. Are you sure you're willing to work for someone who isn't a pony?"

"Getting to watch history in the making is more fun than any of that!" the blue mare, Evening Mist, happily replied. "Doppel said you're an utterly disappointing lady in every regard, but it's all worth it if I get to work with a legendary hero!" I didn't think changelings could sweat, but Doppel seemed like she might be on the verge of it.

"It's unwise to share anything with my sister," Sunset Breeze said with a wry smile. "Unless you actually tell her it's a secret, in which case you'll never need to worry."

"Well, it's not like it was a secret," Kat said. "I mean, we all know it. It's just one of those things we don't usually discuss. It's rude, you know?"

"I guess the job market must be tough, if you're both willing to work for such a disappointment," I said, trying not to sound too snippy.

"It's expected that a lady with so few maids is a disappointment," the pink one said. "If you had everything in order, you wouldn't be seeking maids."

"Yep, that's what we're here for," the blue one said with a nod. "We'll make you super appointing!"

"I've already told you that's not a thing," the pink one said. "Sorry, my sister's job is mostly being adorable. Her brain atrophied a little from lack of use."

"Well, Doppel's used to ordering mindless drones around, so that shouldn't be too big of an issue."

"Changeling drones can't talk," Doppel sullenly replied. "Can we gag her, maybe?"

"But if you gagged me, I couldn't sing!" the blue one said. "I simply couldn't go through my day without that!"

"Are you at least good at it?" I asked.

"No doubt," the pink one said. "You'll probably get tired of it anyway. But I guess if you already have a piano playing…"

Darya, can you filter out sounds? Just like that, I couldn't hear the piano anymore, which probably meant yes. "Singing doesn't bother me," I replied with a shrug. "I believe Doppel said one of you could cook and maintain a garden?"

"That would be me," the pink one said. "I know a great many recipes, and when spring comes, I can plant most of the ingredients we'll need. For the rest, I have several sources. I must say, even I've never seen anything like the cherry blossom trees you have in the backyard. I never thought I'd see one blooming in the winter!"

"They're magical and shouldn't need any special attention, but having an experienced eye watching them would be comforting," I said. "You both have experience working for nobles?"

"We do," the blue one said. "We grew up helping our parents take care of one noble's house. When we were old enough to get our cutie marks, we got hired on by another noble. But he fled Canterlot for various reasons and we found out you were hiring!"

That's a little suspicious. "Why would he be fleeing Canterlot?"

"Apparently one of his best friends got sentenced to Tartarus, or something like that," the blue one replied with a shrug. "After that, he kept muttering about how the walls were closing in. We haven't seen him in a month, actually, but all his employees had contracts that kept his house running. I kinda wonder what'll happen to it now…"

I guess a purge did kinda just happen, huh? My eyes slipped over to Doppel. She didn't seem too concerned about what she just heard, so I assumed the two sisters weren't mad at me. Or at least, they didn't seem to be. "Was that friend named Pertz, by chance?" I asked.

"We find that it's much better not to know things," the pink one said. "Sometimes, bad things happen to ponies who know too much."

"So even the servants pick up on that?" Kat asked. "Canterlot truly is an awful place. The nobles are afraid, the servants are afraid, and the one on top is the most terrified of all…"

"You get used to it," the blue mare said with a smile. "That's why I just do my best to be adorable and happy and bubbly! Because if you don't make your smile quota, the fun police take you away!"

"It wasn't the fun police who took our father," the pink one said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah? Then why did they wait to take him until after he stopped smiling, huh?!"

"He stopped smiling because he learned something he shouldn't have, duh. I hardly smile anymore and they never came for me!"

"...I thought I was smiling enough for the both of us."

I don't think this is how interviews are supposed to go. "I'm siding with Sunset Breeze on this one," I said. Or at least, I think that was the pink one's name. "He probably found out some kind of terrible truth, so one of Celestia's goon squads picked him up. I'm almost positive that not even Celestia is despotic enough to have a smile patrol." Or at least, not anymore. "You said your job before was to be adorable. Does that possibly include making others adorable as well?"

"Yep!" the blue one happily replied. "I could make you look like a fairy princess!"

That's honestly starting to get old. "By chance, did you see my daughter?"

"She's one of the unicorns out back, right? There's definitely a few things I can do with her, too!"

Only a few, huh? Maybe she isn't as cute as I thought. "I can't exactly borrow her for a makeover right now… Oh, Doppel, would you be a dress-up doll as our Taya stand-in?"

"I… can do that," Doppel slowly said. "But couldn't she just dress you up?"

"It wouldn't be fair to ask her to dress up a completely unique species as a test," I said. "This way, we can also ask Taya what she thinks, assuming she can spare us a moment."

"I've never failed a fashion test!" the blue one said.

"Doppel, do you think Taya will mind if we borrow her clothes for a few minutes?"

"I've taught her properly where to hide things, so there's nothing to worry about," Doppel said. "If we're going to do this, let's do it quickly. Come along, Evening Mist." Doppel led the blue one away. For some reason, the mare was humming. I realized she was probably following the tune of the piano, but Darya was still dampening it.

"Would you like me to cook something?" the remaining mare asked. "It probably won't take my sister long to pick something out. I can definitely make something wonderful before she finishes."

"Before you enter the kitchen, it's important to ask… How do you feel about cooking meat?"

"I don't have any feelings on the matter, but I don't know any recipes involving meat."

"Acceptable," I replied with a nod. "Then, if you wouldn't mind. Kat, show her to the kitchen." And with that, I was alone in the sun room. After a few seconds of thought, I realized how strange that was. Where is everyone? I guess most of the guards are at the bunker. Watcher's squad is outside. That leaves one squad guarding the house and I see the one standing in front of the door. So the airship crew are all missing, along with Silver Quill? Even Darya and Flo are being antisocial… And Aurora is still outside helping push snow off the cliff.

"We're surveying and clearing land," Flo said in my mind. "If you're going to have a village built next to your old home, the land needs to be readied. If we can flatten everything before the first work crews arrive, it'll save a considerable amount of time. Moreso if everything is already measured and planned."

All reasonable points. Please return before it gets too dark, though. If it gets cold enough to freeze, you might be in danger.

"You can just admit to wanting to cuddle, my favorite human," Flo smugly replied, making my head feel all warm and fuzzy.

Lacking anything else to do, I began strongly considering going out to meet Taya's friends. Fortunately, I knew myself well enough to realize that probably wasn't the best idea. Besides, I finally learned my lesson and realized it would be cold without any unicorns to warm me up. So I was content with watching them.

Taya apparently already knew the spell Watcher was demonstrating, so she was able to cast it at the golem with no issue. For some reason, that made the little white filly look scared. The red colt seemed impressed, but was trying to hide it. After Taya successfully assaulted the golem, the colt tried casting the spell. Some purple smoke started flying out of his horn. Watcher used magic to box all that smoke up and tossed it high into the air.

So, Taya's really advanced, isn't she? I thought I understood that from the conversation I saw in the coma between the Seven, but seeing it like this is different. Was getting her a combat teacher as a tutor at such a young age a good idea?

"There's nothing wrong with being good at your craft," Darya replied. "Taya's special talent is murdering things with magic. So obviously the best thing that you, as a parent, could do is arrange a teacher who's a pro at it. And now Taya can murder like no one else! Isn't that something to be proud of?"

You're right, of course. It's my job to be proud of her ability to murder. Though I really wish she had gotten a cutie mark from protecting me instead of murdering Blueblood. Part of that is my failure as a parent, so I guess I'll just have to deal with the consequences.

"It is, after all, what Taya wanted," Flo added. "Far be it from you to call her life's work into question. Even though that might be your role, as her parent…"

Well, we've already established that I should be proud, so I guess there's no reason for me to step in or call her to question. But she sure knows a lot more about combat magic than her peers.

Before I could continue ruminating, Celestia and Spike both suddenly appeared before me, followed by a loud popping from the air expanding. "Hello once again, Navarone," the princess said.

"Greetings, Celestia. Are you ready to receive my seed?" Spike rolled his eyes while I removed the necklace holding the small leather bag and held it up for her.

"Your previous donations were much more enjoyable," Celestia said, floating the bag away with magic. "Speaking of which, my son has been suitably chastised. It's clear that your influence on him was stronger than I thought."

"Spike was in dire need of help and guidance when I got to Equestria," I said. "It's not easy for other races here, especially if they're predators. We helped each other survive."

"I'm going to work on improving that," Celestia replied. "Your new town is one of the steps I'm taking. You'll need to find an administrator to rule over it for you. I realized I have the perfect recruit." Her horn lit up and a folder appeared in front of me. "What do you think?"

I opened it up and immediately recognized the mare in question. It was Crabapple, the mare who was in charge of the miners we escorted in Antarctica. After the mining operation went tits up because the metal they found was a haunted bunker, Crabapple got fired as a scapegoat. I ferried her to Canterlot and introduced her to Celestia. According to the dossier, she's spent the time since managing Celestia's state archeologists, who presumably find evidence of older civilizations to destroy it.

"This town is going to have a lot more people than a mining operation," I said. "Miss Crabby kept the miners in line with no problem, but there were less than a hundred of them."

"She's very good at managing," Celestia said. "The groups who are joining your colony already have existing command structures. All you need to do is put her over them, give her some decent staff, and watch the magic happen."

"I take it having a pony in charge, at least nominally, is basically a necessity."

"For the moment, I'm afraid," Celestia said with a sigh. "Crabapple is a pony you have history with who also has the qualifications to make the town function. No other option I can give you will have as much experience or any history with you."

"Then I'll take her, if she's willing," I said, passing the folder back. She made it disappear with ease. "I think I've decided on a name for the city. Babel."

"...Babble?" Spike said, his head tilting.

I spelled it out for them, then said, "It's a reference to the Bible, the Tower of Babel. It was where mankind banded together in an attempt to build something that could rival god himself."

"I'm going to make one thing clear, right now," Celestia said. "The tallest spot in Equestria is the tippety top of Canterlot Castle, period. If you try to build a tower higher than mine, I'll knock it down."

"Fine, then I'll build my space elevator somewhere else. When the Independent Nation of Tartarus has death rays in the upper atmosphere that can annihilate cities in an instant, you'll have only yourself to blame."

"That's awesome!" Spike shouted, his tail wagging.

"...Space elevator?" Celestia said. "Why would anyone ever want to go to space? There's nothing up there but… space!"

"Because there's nothing up there but space," I said. "Luna being able to survive and use magic on the moon means that magic works up there, in at least some capacity. There's all kinds of useful tools we could launch into the atmosphere. Luna's already showed me things like magical remote cameras, so if you could use something like that to connect to a satellite with a high powered telescope, you could look down on anywhere on the planet in real time. And Celestia, surely you know what a radio is by now."

"Your device that allows instant communication to anything within range, yes," Celestia said, suddenly frowning. "You could hang those antennas in the sky, couldn't you?"

"There's nothing up there but space," I replied with a big grin. "Once you know the general range in which you can safely hang things in the sky, it just becomes a matter of getting them there. In my time, objects had to be shot in the sky with fuel that propelled it forward. You could probably do the same with magic, but getting the objects in a precise enough position that they wouldn't fall out of the sky would be difficult. An elevator that leads directly to space could be held in place using magic or runes, and would allow objects to be deposited more easily. It would also make constructing things in space much easier, so the first person to get one in the air could, say, build an artificial ring around the planet full of weapons pointed down on the planet."

"Building a ring around the planet would be the kind of project it would take a nation decades to build," Celestia said.

"A nation, sure. What about Jonathan?"

"...If he possessed the materials, it's possible he could get it done uncomfortably quickly," Celestia slowly said.

"I was in too much of a panic to realize it at the time, but entrusting all of the elementals working with us to Jonathan's brain powers might have been a terrible decision," I said. "His orders are to not tell me what any of his orders are, minus the one he's currently obeying. He also refused to confirm or deny having any human minds stored inside of him. I think he's a trojan horse."

"A… what now?" Celestia asked.

"Sorry, I guess you guys wouldn't get that reference. I think Jonathan was put in the bunker to ensure, one way or another, that humanity lives on. If I don't start making attempts to build a place for humans when they arrive, he might try to replace my mind with another human's. Or he might go after the mages who sent me back in time in the first place. His magical knowledge is limited, but if Jonathan got loose in the tower and started infecting mages, he would learn at least enough to be a threat to Taya."

"I've already prepared for that, in at least some regards," Celestia said. "We've found a spell that identifies foreign agents in the body. It enables us to tell if anyone becomes a host to an elemental. All guards are checked before leaving the fort. But there are pieces of Jonathan on the ship, and it's slowly coming closer…"

"Well, hopefully he won't betray us," I said with a shrug. "So if I can't build my tower, how about the name Eden? I'll name my first city in Tartarus Babel instead."

"That's another Biblical reference," Celestia said. "You sure like picking the places humanity got chased out of, don't you?"

"I'm naming my legal whorehouse Sodom. My legal casino might be Gomorrah. Because what's paradise without a garden of earthly delight, huh? Spike, if anyone in the town asks, just tell them you're an overgrown kobold with a weird coloration. You'll fit right in and no word will get back to Celestia about you visiting whatever establishment you might like."

"Prostitution isn't illegal, but that can change very quickly," Celestia said. "If I hear any rumors about oversized kobolds visiting any seedy establishments, I'll ban prostitution and forcefully change the name of your town to Pony!"

"Wait, just… Pony?" I asked.

"And you won't get any tax breaks for it, either!"

"Fine, then I won't make him pretend to be a kobold. Anyway, is Eden fine as a name?"

"Yes, but I really would prefer something that isn't a biblical reference. Names have meaning, and naming yourself after a place humanity was chased out of might doom you. But that is your choice, in the end. I'll have this seed planted tomorrow, on the first day of spring. I'll entrust the matter to a servant on another continent, so I won't know where it's actually planted. I'll see to it that you'll be provided with clothing, a weapon, and a retainer as soon as you awaken, should it come to it."

"Thank you. I'm preparing another one now, but I might give it to Luna's friend."

"...The one who suicide-bombed my capital?" Celestia quietly asked.

"Yep, Poira. She has valuable intel, so I'm doing her a favor. Plus, until she's gone, I can't fix the forest. I need to have her dealt with before we can break ground on anything."

"I think I might like a word with her before she's freed."

"Then you can ask your ex-sister where she is. But if you'd like to wait until after, I'd be happy to bring her to Canterlot, assuming she's willing to go."

"Hmph. Even if you are being a meanie, I'll still give you a warning. Don't make more than two seeds consecutively. Even two may be pushing it."

"Why?"

"It takes energy to fill those seeds with your essence. You won't feel the loss after making one seed, but trying to make two might wear you out. Especially in the winter."

"It's already in me now, so I'll take this opportunity to see how it affects me. Taya didn't mention anything about that. Spike, did you notice her acting more tired than usual while I was asleep?"

"Nope. She didn't mention making seeds, but I know one of those in the backyard is hers. Wouldn't it be better to space them out some?"

"Normally I would, yeah. I just wanted to deal with the Everfree quickly. From here on out, I'll usually wait at least a week before making them." Barring exceptional circumstances, of course. "Are you done with Spike for the day?"

"Indeed," Celestia replied with a nod. "I tried to get him to stay for dinner, but he wanted to make sure you properly celebrated your promotion."

"I knew you'd only tell Doppel if she twisted your arm," Spike said with a shrug. "So I wanted to make sure everyone here found out."

"She already twisted my arm. You could have just stayed for dinner."

"But then I wouldn't get to celebrate with you!" he said.

"And I'll be eating dinner all alone," Celestia moaned, hanging her head.

"You could invite your secretary," I said. "That chick seems on top of things."

"The day after you turned into a changeling and pretended to be me, she asked if I had been feeling unwell the day before. She certainly doesn't let much get past her."

"Did she notice Flo's work?"

"Probably, but she's smart enough not to say anything. After all, it's above her paygrade. And so is eating dinner with a princess, so she would absolutely refuse. You know, I do see several empty seats here..."

"Surely no food a lowly lady such as myself could offer would be fit to give to the princess herself," I said, doing my hardest not to smirk.

"Luna raved about your grilled cheese sandwiches for days, before demanding the chefs learn how to make them. If such a lowly meal could so easily appease a princess, I don't see why you would struggle. Besides, my son is here to help you celebrate. I'd happily eat anything he makes for his dear mother!"

Well, he already knows more about your tastes than he'd like… "You're just determined to be difficult about this, aren't you?"

"...Would you believe that eating lunch with you and Spike was the highlight of my month?"

"Wait, you've only… Is being her really that bad?"

"It's very lonely," Celestia said, lowering her eyes. "And even my most trusted vassal is coming up with excuses to turn me away…"

"You know how weird everyone else is gonna feel with Celestia eating with us?"

"Well, that's an excuse I can bust straight through with brute force," Celestia said, finally looking up at me with a smug grin. Her horn lit up way too bright and a moment later, she morphed into a changeling queen. And then seconds later, she morphed into a mare I had never seen before, a white unicorn with blond hair. Her cutiemark was a frying pan. "If you don't have a cook good enough to satisfy a princess, I can fix that one too! I'll have you know I received top marks in my cooking tests for the courses I took to become the perfect wife."

"So you just turned into a changeling queen. Are you… sure you can turn back?"

"Of course, I already tested it before now. Where do you think the drone I use as a replacement sometimes came from?"

She's incredibly determined. Flo, what are the chances of making her… Where is she going?

"Cooking without a sense of smell might be difficult, but I promise I'll make something that moves you to tears!" Celestia said as she trotted to the door leading further into the house.

"Hold up," I said. She didn't stop, of course. By that point, there was no time to explain. If she wanted to be difficult about it, I'd let her find out for herself. That said… Darya, tell Kat that the mare coming into the kitchen is allowed to be here. I don't want blood everywhere.

"Done," Darya replied. "Just in time, too. Though it seems that now Celestia knows she has competition, she's even more fired up."

Jokes on her. I was planning on feeding the maid's dish to a pony. Asking her to cook an ideal meal for a human on her first try also seems unfair.

"Kat also wants to know who this mare is, though she suspects it's probably someone in disguise."

Tell her the truth, but tell her not to let anyone else know she knows.

"So… should I go drag her back?" Spike finally asked.

"No, let her be. Hopefully this won't become a thing."

"I'm pretty sure it's already too late for that. Does she really bother you that much, Nav?"

"Honestly, no. But if I don't push back, she'll overwhelm me. I've already seen more of her than I have of my own filly since I woke up."

"I mean… Marrying her wouldn't be the worst thing, would it? That whole space elevator thing seemed cool, so I'm sure you can talk her into it. Whatever she said about the tallest tower was just some weird alicorn pride. Flo left a lot of that around, for some reason."

"Yeah, but… she's kinda old, dude. Six thousand years is a whole lot of years. I realized in the coma what that kind of time can do to someone. Celestia does need something more to tether her to reality, but I don't know if I could take on the job of being her spouse. At the very least, if I do plan on marrying her, I need to make a whole lot of preparations so she doesn't end up completely owning me."

"Well, you broke it off with Princess Gilda, didn't you?" he said. "That leaves Queen Chrysalis as the only other royal with eyes on you, right? Do you really want to marry her?"

I might not mind being overwhelmed by her. It would probably be more fun than Celestia, at least. "At the moment, no. However, that is subject to change. I guess that does currently leave Celestia as my only option to ascend to royalty, then… Well, unless I claim a nation of my own."

"If Luna and Reginald can figure it out, I'm sure you and I can manage," Spike said. "Twilight can be our Celestia fill-in, I guess."

"Claiming Tartarus will be a side project," I said. "If it's possible to obtain it, I'd like to. But that really depends on the conditions there. I intend to summon a few residents to ask questions. That'll still leave me without a ring on my finger, though…"

"Who knows what'll happen in the future?" Spike said with a shrug. "I guess finding out will be fun. For tonight, when do you want to begin the celebration?"

Never. "Before dark, because I'll need to go to sleep shortly after. The away team from the bunker should be returning soon, I'm sure."

"Well, the kitchen's big enough for two. I guess I'll go help Celestia prepare…"

"There's actually two in there right now. I'm thinking of hiring more staff, a cook/gardener and a general lady's maid. But the maid's just in there to make a test meal, which I'll need to find a pony to eat for me."

"Then I'll just start prepping. There's still plenty of space for that. Soon, my meat will be filling you full to bursting again."

"Good. That mare currently isn't Celestia, so feel free to say whatever you want around her."

"...That's right, she isn't. I'll definitely remember that. Look forward to dinner, Nav." With that, he walked off to the kitchen.

Flo, let Taya know that I'm here. Also tell her that the maids are undergoing tests. We might need her as a judge.

"She wouldn't feel comfortable coming inside while leaving her guests outside and she isn't sure it's wise to bring them in."

Am I really that unnerving? Or is she worried that Kat will scare them?

"There's a giant spider playing the piano in another room," Flo said. "And ex-Princess Luna will be arriving soon, along with more of your guards and a zebra."

If Luna gets back while the kids are still inside, just ask her to go take a shower or something. And if we keep them in this room, they won't run into Spider. But if Taya really doesn't want them to meet me, I understand.

"She mostly just doesn't want to embarrass you," Flo said. "But she refuses to say it."

I don't mind if she embarrasses me, as long as it's an accident. Besides, when her friends leave, is she really going to make them walk around the house instead of letting them go through it? She can introduce her pet to them, too!

"Taya is surrendering," Flo said. "But she's making Watcher act as their chaperone."

That's probably for the best. It looked like the kids were in the middle of a lesson, so they'd probably come in when it was over.

While I was watching them, my griffin maid placed a cup of tea on the table next to me. "Here you are, my lady," he warmly said.

"Thank you." Even if I don't remember ordering tea. "How does the kitchen look?"

"Busy. There's even a mare in there I don't recognize. She's the one who made the tea."

"How thoughtful of her," I said as I sipped it. Sure enough, it tasted like the tea Celestia usually had. "I believe Taya and her friends might come inside soon. Would it be good to offer them snacks, or is that beneath my station?"

"Personally, I'd err on the side of politeness," he replied with a shrug. "These are Taya's friends, so it seems like a good idea to cater to them."

"Ask Spike if he can make some of his dragonfire cookies. Those only take a few minutes and they pair decently with tea. We should even have everything we need."

"As you wish, my lady." He walked back off to the kitchen. Truly, it amazed me how well he resembled a female griffin. A part of me was worried when I found him wearing the maid outfit, but if he passed well enough to even fool Princess Gilda, then I'd say he was the perfect trap.

In a pleasant turn of events, Spike came in with the cookies right as the lesson was wrapping up outside. "So you're actually going to be nice to her friends?" Spike asked.

"Don't seem so surprised about it, please. How's cooking with mom?"

"It's not cooking with mom, it's cooking with a mare I just met today. And it's been pretty fun! The maid you're testing should be ready soon, but the mare we just met is going to need a little longer."

"She can take her time. Do you want to greet the kids, or are you going to abandon me to fend for myself?"

"I need to keep cooking, so I'll send Kat back in," he said. "There's no need for her to keep an eye on the maid with both me and Celestia watching."

"Perfect." I'm not really sure Kat's the best replacement, but sure. "Thanks for the cookies, Spike."

"Kat will probably be bringing more tea with her," he replied as he left. "Have fun, Navi!"

A few moments later, Kat walked in carrying a tray with tea, some cups, and sugar. Rocksy, Taya's pet cockatrice, was draped across her shoulders. "That mystery mare is surprisingly good in a kitchen, my lady," she said as she walked to my side and set the tea next to the cookies. "Better than Sunset Breeze, though I understand the mystery mare isn't for hire."

"Her contract would come with more trouble than it's worth and she'd probably only cook for me. Taya's friends are coming in. Can you help me pretend to be normal?"

"I do my best every day, but you fight it as hard as you can," Kat sarcastically replied.

"That means you have experience, so it should be easy. Here they come. Remember their names for me, because I probably won't."

"You think of the two new maids as the blue one and the pink one, don't you?"

"Don't let them know, but that colt is probably forever going to be the red one. That filly is the scared white one. I'm really not good with pony names. Not gonna lie, I love your name. It makes things super easy for me."

"My lady…" She managed to fit so much disappointment in two words… It was quite impressive, honestly.

"Don't worry, I have elementals for this kind of thing. Darya can remind me if it's ever important." I was spared from having to further explain myself by the entrance of Taya and her friends. Rocksy flopped off Kat's shoulder and started running up to my filly. As expected, the white filly squealed and tried jumping back outside, but just rammed face-first into Watcher instead.

"I'm not that scary, am I?" I asked.

"I think she was running from Rocksy, for some reason," Taya said as she pet the cockatrice. "There's no reason foals should ever fear you, mo… mother."

That made me blink, but I figured she probably didn't want to call me mommy in front of her friends. Although one of them was busy staring at me in awe while the other was rubbing her nose, so it's possible neither was paying attention. "So, are these the students you're tutoring?"

"Yes, this is Thunder Charge and Lila Love." Those names might actually be distinctive enough to remember, wow. "This is my mother, Lady Navarone, and our vassal, Katrina." There was a small pause in her pronunciation of Kat's name, amusingly enough. "And this is my pet cockatrice, Rocksy."

"You have a cat named Kat?" Thunder asked.

"And a cockatrice called Rocksy…" Lila said, eyes wide. Then she looked up at me and bowed. "My lady, this house has such a wonderful grasp of Equestria's perfect naming system!"

My first reaction was to get angry about that for obvious reasons, but then I realized that she might be right. I couldn't really get angry with Equestria's shitty punny names when I had a cat named Kat, a spider named Spider, elementals that had nothing but water puns for names, and many more besides. So instead of getting angry at them, I resolved to forever forget their names.

"This manor is actually called Stormview Estate," Kat said. "It faces the cliffside where the storms roll in from Cloudsdale."

"Spike made dragonfire cookies, if you're interested," I said. For some reason, her two friends seemed surprised by that.

"He didn't put gems in them this time, did he?" Taya asked.

"I asked him to make them so ponies could eat them, but I haven't actually tested them yet."

"They were tested thoroughly before arriving from the kitchen," Kat said. "My ladies may be immune to poison, but all the same…"

"So w-what are dragonfire cookies?" the white one slowly asked.

"Wait, Taya's immune to poison?" the red one butted in. "How?"

"Oh, I just stopped being a pony," Taya replied with a shrug. "Anyway, that's a lot less interesting than cookies without gems in them!" With that, the two fillies rushed to the table. The colt seemed to have a lot more questions, though he followed them all the same.

"To answer the first question, these are cookies magically baked with dragonfire," I said, holding one up. When I broke it in half, it made a loud cracking noise. "They're extremely brittle, but won't crumble apart when you bite into them. If you add a little warm tea, they practically melt in your mouth." Essentially, they were large, super crispy chocolate chip cookies.

"I didn't know dragons baked cookies!" the filly said, holding one of the cookies up and staring at it in wonder.

"You'll find a lot of things in this house you won't find anywhere else in Equestria," Kat said. "I'm sure you hear the piano music now."

"It's a song I've never heard before," the white one said. With that, she finally bit into the cookies. Her eyes widened even more.

"...So if you're not a pony, what are you?" the red one finally asked, looking Taya over. "I mean, you look a lot like a pony. Your hair and eyes changed, but I thought that was just magic…"

"Should I answer that?" Taya asked, looking up to me. "I haven't really explained it to anyone yet…"

"It's a little late to be asking that question," Watcher said, using magic to snag a single cookie for himself. "You can either use magic to erase the memory or tell him. Staying quiet's no longer an option."

"Watcher, don't be ominous and spooky in front of kids," I said. "Obviously you should tell them, Taya. I mean, spring starts tomorrow, doesn't it? Our hair will be changing to match. If it comes with flowers, we'll have to explain it. Besides, it's not like it's a problem for anyone. Just like he said, you still look like a pony."

"Wait, are you a changeling?" the colt asked, his eyes widening.

"No, I'm a tree sister," Taya said. "It's a creature that's been infused with the power of a plant."

"H-how did that happen?" the filly asked. It was a little muffled, since her mouth was stuffed full of cookies.

"I used a magic potion I asked our zebra shaman to brew. I got the recipe in a pocket dimension guarded by an ancient goddess's menacing labyrinth. As I thought, these cookies really are amazing when they don't have gems in them…"

"That was your own fault for sneaking his cookies," I said. Besides, it probably tasted good before blood was all you could taste. "Anyway, her transformation isn't really something you should be concerned about. Oh, that does remind me, though. Taya, if any of the mages at the tower ask to experiment on you, tell them I'll allow it on the condition I can experiment on them first."

"'Kay."

"So… you're part plant?" the red one asked.

"Yep," Taya said with a nod. "That part hurt a lot, but not for long. Though technically, I'm still in the early stages of the overall transformation. My mother is much further along, as you can see." I waved my tail at them, making both of her friends blink in surprise.

"I thought you had a dragon tail!" the red one shouted.

"I did. Taya may have told you that I was away for a while. Let's just say my body was… gestating. You probably noticed my wings, too." I spread my new magical wings so they could get a better look. "I'm becoming less animal-like and more fae-like. It's possible Taya's body will eventually go through similar changes, but the rate at which it happens can be unpredictable." Given that it relies on getting horribly injured or dying.

"So why did you do it?" the white one asked, looking at my filly. "Is being a tree sister why you're so powerful?"

"No, my strength was because of a bargain with a demon," Taya said. "I don't really think that deal was worth it, though. But I became a tree sister because I wanted to. So far, it's totally been worth it!"

"Wait, you made a deal with a demon?!" the colt shouted.

"You're quite excitable, I see," I said with a smile. "I mean, who hasn't made a bargain or two with demons? Though Taya's demon was a hell of a lot more evil than the ones I worked with. And infinitely more powerful."

"Taya, were you involved in the attack on the tower?" the white one asked. "That was before I became a student, but I heard the demons captured a lot of researchers and students…"

"No, I wasn't allowed to help," Taya said, turning a pointed gaze toward me. "Apparently I wasn't strong enough and would have gotten in the way."

"The one who set that standard was Celestia, not me," I said. "We didn't even take Shining Armor in with us. Taya, I don't mind if you talk about being a tree sister, but keep quiet about that deal."

"...Lame," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, being a tree sister is great. I don't feel hunger the same way anymore, since I get most of my energy from the sun. I still have to eat, but not nearly as much. All of my nature-oriented spells have gotten stronger, not that I ever have a use for most of them. Once spring rolls around, I won't have to sleep at all until fall comes in. That'll be the best part!"

"...That sounds awesome," the colt said. "Why don't more ponies do this?"

"For the same reason you had no idea what a tree sister was until today," Kat said. "Lady Navarone and I are both very well traveled, but the two of us have only met a single other tree sister aside from Taya."

"We also met a mushroom sister," Taya said. "She looked really weird."

"There are also downsides," I said. "But it's never good to reveal one's weaknesses, so you'll have to figure those out on your own."

"I bet you're extra flammable, huh?" the white one asked.

I narrowed my eyes at her before looking at Watcher. "You know what to do."

He also narrowed his eyes at the filly, who was starting to sweat bullets. While still glaring at her, he used magic to summon a notebook, wrote something in it, then made it disappear. "It will be done, my lady," he finally replied. With that, both of us stopped glaring at her. Part of that was because it looked like she was about to faint.

"Didn't you just tell him not to be ominous and spooky in front of kids?" Kat asked.

"Yeah, but we were clearly joking. I mean, Taya obviously got it." Though now that I looked at the colt, he also seemed pretty nervous. "Wow. You two are surprisingly normal, huh?"

"...I heard some nobles keep ponies like him around to make other ponies disappear," the colt whispered.

"Oh. I thought that was something only the princess did. Watcher, apologize for scaring her." For some reason, I heard Kat lightly groan behind me.

"It's hard to keep up my gruff old man act if you make me apologize to an adorable filly," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry for obeying my lady's order to scare you. I should have been the responsible adult and ignored it."

"It's good that you recognize what you did wrong," I said with a nod. Kat was fidgeting more and more, so I decided it was best to wrap this up. "Taya, while you're inside, there's something I need assistance with. I'm in the process of interviewing two of the applicants Doppel found. One is in the kitchen making something and the other is upstairs working on a different project. I'd like your opinion on both of them."

"Why would you want my opinion?"

"Because you're my filly, obviously. Why would I hire maids without asking you about them first? Neither should take very long, so you can start practicing again soon."

"I can definitely help," she replied with a nod. "But it's getting pretty late. I was thinking we'd call it quits on practice for the night."

"It's not really that late, though," the colt said.

"It is for a tree sister," Taya said. "Once spring rolls around, I'll be happy to practice all night long. Until then, I don't want to stay up too late."

"That's the healthy way," I said, reaching over to boop my filly. Her friends seemed a little surprised by that, but neither said anything. Darya, what's Doppel's status?

"She's looking more and more adorable every moment," Darya replied. "But the ensemble isn't complete. Would you like her to come down when it is?"

No, we'll go up to her. I'm sure Taya doesn't want her friends to see a double of her, especially one that's all dressed up. What's the status of our chefs?

"The test dish will be out in moments. Celestia's dish will take another five or so."

"The mare in the kitchen should be done soon," I said. "I'd like to leave tasting her dish up to the ponies, since that's all she's had experience cooking for. If she can cook so that a pony can enjoy it, she can learn to cook for the rest of us."

"Is she okay with cooking meat?" Watcher asked.

"She said she had no opinion on the matter, so probably. If not, we still have Kat, Gilda, and Spike who can cook it."

"...I've never had meat before," the colt whispered, looking down.

"It tastes awful, at least for ponies," Taya said with a shiver.

"And it's not good for ponies, either," I added. "So you're better off as you are, trust me. I'm going to check on the status of the maid upstairs. Taya, I'll call for you when it's time for you to come up."

"I'll be here," she replied with a smile.

Kat probably didn't want to play babysitter and leaving an assassin in charge of someone else's kids seemed unwise. If the kids knew what kind of monster she was, they would probably be running away screaming. Though they'd probably also run from Watcher if they knew about his past. Still, he was just helping them practice. The filly would probably get over her terror quickly, right? With those thoughts, I pulled my kitty along with me.

When Kat and I got to the main room, Spider stopped playing and looked over to us. "Should I hide, my lady? I don't want to scare your guests…"

"No, you're free to keep playing," I said. "Anyone who attacks someone playing a piano has no right to be our guest. Besides, Watcher is keeping an eye on them. He won't let anyone hurt you."

"Yes, my lady." With that, most of his legs went back to playing. It was nothing close to what Flo could manage with all of her tendrils, but he was definitely much better than most ponies could ever dream of becoming.

However, every note was successfully muted by Darya, so all of that was purely conjecture.

"Kat, do you think we should introduce them preemptively?"

"Taya briefed them, supposedly. Besides, I've ensured that Spider can defend himself."

Spider was in his own world, not paying us any mind. I continued past him, up to the stairs. It was tempting to fly to the top, but I'd still have to wait for Kat. Instead, we both made the long walk to the fourth floor together.

"They're not actually finished, are they?" Kat whispered when we started walking to Taya's room.

"I couldn't even pretend to be normal for five minutes, Kat," I whispered back. "I'm a failure of a noble…"

"And a failure of a mother, too," she helpfully added, patting me on the shoulder. "That coma didn't really help much, huh?"

"Hey, I don't think I embarrassed her. She seemed happy when I left."

"You used Watcher to threaten them!" she hissed. "It's possible she was just happy that you were leaving at all!"

Thankfully, we were right in front of Taya's door, so I didn't have to reply to that. Instead, I let myself in like I owned the place. Inside, Evening Mist, also known as the blue one, was dolling up a petulant looking Taya.

"What's wrong, Doppel?" I asked. "I thought you enjoyed pretty parties!"

"I'm pretending to be Taya," she said, dropping her pout instantly and falling into a surprisingly cute smile. "I mean, have you ever seen her look as adorable as this?"

"Kat, close the door," I said. She did so without a word. "Doppel, have you ever wondered how I decided which was the real Taya when we first met?"

"The fact that you're asking after telling Kat to close the door means it's going to be really disappointing, isn't it?" Doppel asked.

"You had more life in your eyes than Taya. A bigger spark, more drive. Although a part of that may have just been hunger… Either way, it's natural that someone with that kind of presence can make themselves look better. Another part of it is natural charisma, which is something you can't turn off."

"You really shouldn't flirt with someone who looks like your daughter, you know…" Doppel said with a large blush.

"How is that flirting?" I asked. "Anyway, how close are you to finishing, Miss Mist?"

"You can call me Evee, my lady! Or Misty, if you'd prefer…"

Do we already have a Misty? Darya, are any of the elementals named that?

"No, but there is a Mist," she replied. "If you've already forgotten her name, giving this maid a nickname you'll also forget shouldn't hurt."

Probably. "Evee it is, then. My fake filly is certainly turning out to be adorable, but… why gothic lolita?"

"Our previous lord traded in a human commodity called manga! I learned from those that this was a popular style where you're from, my lady. I thought this would remind you of home!"

RARITY STRIKES AGAIN! "...I see." Yeah, I see that somebody needs murdering. "So, Sunset Breeze is your sister?"

"Yep! We're twins. Which, let me tell you, is not good for the mother. That many horns get all kinds of places."

"Was your last lord the only one you've worked for?" Kat asked.

"He's the only one my sister and I have worked with on our own contract," she replied. "Before then, we were included with our parents when they applied. Then one day our father got taken by the fun police. Breezy wouldn't tell me what happened to mommy, but I bet the fun police got her, too. They get all kinds of ponies, after all…" She went silent for a moment, the smile on her face quivering slightly. "But I'll be happy enough for my sister and I. They won't get us." With that, her smile returned to its normal width. "I'm gonna make this filly so cute, my lady!"

"She seems interesting," Kat said, casually locking arms with me. "Equestria's fun police sure did a number to the ponies, huh?"

"Breezy said we shouldn't talk about the fun police, but… that you should be okay," the blue one said, turning to me. "She said the fun police worked for you, right? That means we're safe if we work here, right?"

"You won't need to worry about them if you work for me," I said. "But the fun police definitely do not work for me."

"...Of course not, my lady." With that, she returned to her task. At the moment, Doppel was wearing a red and dark purple frilly and fluffy dress. Her white hair was set up in pigtails, which was apparently the signature style for gothic lolita. Currently, Evee was working on Doppel's makeup. That involved lipstick and some stuff around the eyes. There were a number of bows lined up, so I assumed they'd be attached at some point.

"So, is it comfortable?" I asked.

"I wouldn't want to wear this in summer, but it might be suitable for fall or winter," Doppel said. "The dress is a little heavy, but not so much that it's a problem. Apparently there's also a version that includes lingerie, but I told her not to worry about that for Taya. And there will be shoes, but not heels. Moving around should prove no issue."

"I definitely think you look cute, and not just because you're you. I'm planning on getting Taya's opinion when it's finished. She's probably in the middle of rating your sister's work now."

"Didn't you wait to try my sister's cooking?" Evee asked.

"No, I got scared off by my filly's friends," I said. "It's for the best that I stay away from normal children."

"M-my lady… I promise I won't judge your habits."

"I don't know what habits you think I might have, but there's probably a misunderstanding somewhere in there. Anyway, I'll leave you to it for now. Darya will let me know when you're ready."

Doppel was currently being a doll and the maid was focusing on her task, so neither bowed as we left. I didn't want to risk scaring Taya's friends again, so I returned to my room. As soon as the door was shut behind us, Kat sighed. "My lady, is hiding away up here really a better choice than getting to know your filly's friends?"

"Maybe the coma taught me to recognise my limits," I replied. "Besides, I believe the mystery mare is cooking some manner of meat. It's probably better that I eat that away from the kids."

"...I suppose it's unfair for me to complain about your inability to be normal, even for a few minutes," Kat said. "But the situation definitely needs to be rectified. Even if by some miracle you unfortunately become my lord instead of my lady, you'll still need to be able to pretend to be normal."

"...Unfortunately?" I slowly replied. Her eyes widened when she realized what she said. "Kat, do you prefer my female body?"

"I… Of course, I want you to be happy…"

"But you seem to think me becoming male again is unfortunate, do you not? Why is that, Kat?" She didn't reply and just looked away, so I leaned in very close to stare at her even more intently. It was making her blush, oddly enough. "Huh, Kat? Why would that be unfortunate? Your lady is asking you a question, isn't she? Aren't you going to obey her by providing an answer?"

"You… I don't think the answer would… please you, my lady."

"I don't recall asking to be coddled. I recall asking a question. A question you are going to answer, aren't you?"

"...Seeing you look uncomfortable excites me, my lady," she finally whispered, still not meeting my gaze. "And you never look as uncomfortable as you do when I'm dolling you up to the best of my ability, so…"

Wow, look at that! My hands ended up around her throat all on their own! Did I finally get enough of a soul to learn teleportation? Hm, my least favorite vassal is attempting to say something, but can't because my magic hands are still doing their thing. I would stop them, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to do magic again. Letting things run their course seems prudent.

"So should we stop her?" Darya asked in my head. "It seems like she's trying to pretend her arms are moving on their own."

"I'm not sure Kat has learned her lesson yet, but it might be for the best," Flo replied. "Let's hit the emergency brakes."

Just like that, any possibilities of me learning teleportation dried up as my brain leeches pressed the 'No Fun Allowed' button. Still, maybe it wasn't all bad. "So, have you learned any lessons?" I asked. Kat's throat was probably too damaged to reply, but Cascade would fix it up quickly. The damage didn't stop her from nodding, at least. "I think the coma made me more violent. That was the second time I've throttled you since I got out… Or maybe you're just more annoying now?"

"It… it was clearly… my f-fault, my lady," Kat hoarsely replied. "Please, p-punish me m-more!"

Wow, creepy. It's tempting to give her some vibrating panties, but that's probably not the best idea at the moment. "No, attempted murder is enough for now," I said. Actually, it might have been a little too much. Thank you for stopping me. "But get your shit together. I'm so sick of dealing with this. Wait, is that why you seduced me in bed that night?"

"My lady, your horrified expression was like ambrosia! Making you scream in terrified pleasure was orgasmic for me! I know you hate being in this body, which only makes it all the better for me!"

I'm regretting keeping her around more and more. "You're not allowed to do anything to stop me from turning back. No destroying the artifact I need, no hiding documents on how to find it, nothing to obscure it at all."

"Of course, my lady… But I hope I can enjoy myself plenty until it happens…"

This fucking bitch… Right as my hands were starting to display more signs of teleportation magic, the door opened and in walked the mystery mare with a plate full of mystery meat. The vegetables on the side were mushrooms and onions. The meat was cut like a steak, but there's no telling what animal it was from.

"Am I… interrupting something?" Celestia asked with a sweet smile. She found an apron somewhere that read 'Kiss the Chef'.

"My lady was about to punish me for speaking out of turn," Kat asked with a sensual smile in my direction. "I was hoping for another spanking this time!"

"Yes, her hands are quite enjoyable," Celestia said, nodding. "Anywho, your meal is ready, my lady!"

"This is a little much for a test meal, but I'll happily put your meat in my mouth," I replied. "What did you think of your competition?"

"That mare is six thousand years too early to compete against me," Celestia proudly replied, lifting a hoof to her chest. With that, she floated the plate over to my desk, then magicked in a fork and knife. "Go on, Navi. Put my juicy meat inside your mouth…"

"I feel like I'm watching something indecent," Kat whispered, but I ignored her and took a seat at my desk. Celestia used magic to push me in and then summoned some kind of juice for me. "Come on, now you're just showing off!"

"If you have time to feel jealous over my service skills, perhaps you should spend that time becoming better," Celestia smugly said. "Maybe then you wouldn't get punished!"

They continued bickering and fighting for my attention. Unfortunately for them, said attention was now focused solely on the steak. Sure enough, it tasted amazing. That was bad news, because it meant Celestia's value as a wife was shooting higher and higher.

"This is surprisingly good," I said. That cut their argument off immediately, of course. Celestia was left smiling while Kat was stuck pouting. But pouting suits catgirls better than smiling anyway, so it was a win-win for me. "Though I do have to ask… What kind of meat is this? It's not one I recognize off the top of my head."

"Pork," Celestia replied. "The griffins breed deer for most of their meat. Ponies use pigs for most of ours. Though of course, most ponies don't know that such industries exist."

Oh great, now I'm definitely going to hell. Although I'm pretty sure the bacon I used to eat counts, even if my parents said it didn't. Oh well, too late now. "It's nice and juicy. I guess you pass."

"Can I get a numerical score, my lady?" she sweetly and not-so-humbly asked.

"I give it a ninety-three out of a hundred. It's actually slightly shocking that you know how to cook meat so well. I understand that you may have gone through wife training and that it may have involved cooking, but did it involve cooking meat?"

"I may have also had some pointers from Flo and Darya. If I'm being honest, those courses were over fifteen hundred years ago, though I took them every hundred years or so before then. As it happened, Luna is the only one who ever got to put those skills to use… not that she ever spent much time developing them to begin with. As I'm sure you discovered, unfortunate things happen to those who catch her eye."

"She bragged to me about how she did something great for mares everywhere by creating restraining orders."

"Ah, yes, that time she tried explaining to me that having someone murdered and shackled into an undead body was less of a problem than breaking the restraining order. The only reason she resorted to such methods is because I forbade her quite strictly from breaking said restraining order. She decided murdering that poor soul was better than disobeying me…"

"And yet Oldlestia didn't deign to warn me. At least Chrysalis dropped hints for me…"

"Oldlestia didn't want Luna to fall in love with you, but she also didn't want you to run away," Celestia said. "And obviously telling you all of that would have made you run for the hills, not that it would have done you any good. Refusing to bear your fangs and obeying us was probably the safest choice you could have made, not that it ended up being all that safe of a choice in the end. Of course, when Luna went too far, Oldlestia quickly put her in her place."

"That's true," I said. "Anyway, now that you've passed your test, would you like to tell me what the test was for?" My confusion didn't stop me from eating, of course. After all, it was delicious.

"I believe it was for the right to cook you dinner tonight," she said, poking at her chin with a hoof. "You obviously didn't want me around, so I figured I had to prove my worth. Apparently I passed! I hope this means I can cook you dinner every now and then…"

Shit, it's too late to fail her now. Although at this point, I feel like I'm just playing the mouse to her cat based on our past relationship. As long as I'm wary of not letting my guard down… "I don't see any problem with that," I finally said, though I couldn't help but follow it with a sigh. Kat's pout intensified. "Just please don't be annoying about it. I do my best to leave the annoyances outside."

"Then why is she still here?" Celestia asked, looking at Kat.

"Because if I kicked her out, she would just stalk me. She knows at this point that kidnapping me for long would be impossible, since the elementals would always be able to find me. Plus, as long as my eyes were open, a unicorn would be able to teleport me out. That makes stalking her only option."

"That's not completely true," Kat said, her pout melting away into a predator's grin. "I would definitely stalk you, but I certainly wouldn't leave it at just stalking."

"And thus, the reason she's still here," I said. "As long as she's my vassal, I can safely order her to stop bothering me. But if I kick her out, she won't have to pretend to care about what I say anymore."

"I see," Celestia said, eyes wide. "That human pull of yours works differently on everyone, doesn't it?"

"I think it just reacts poorly to instabilities," I replied. "Luna was similarly crazy, but has recently started getting her excrement together. You know, marginally." Unlike a certain someone, who probably just lost all rights to helping me get dressed. Kat suddenly shivered before staring at me in fear. I happily ignored her in favor of the steak, though it was rapidly disappearing.

"No, if that was the case, Moonbeam wouldn't have let you out of her grasp," Celestia said. "She has a lot more instabilities, she's just doing her absolute best to hide them around you."

"She's also completely fae instead of just part fae, so it's affecting her differently anyway," I said.

"...Fae. I take that to mean a being who is completely magical in nature? Beings like changelings and, say, tree sisters."

"Indeed. I don't know if it really counts with something like me, though. I do feel more flighty than I used to when I first got here, but that might just be all the trauma. I certainly do look pretty fae now, though. I'm pretty sure it'll be worse if I ever die and have to revive. At that point, I probably won't have to worry about the human pull thing anymore. I won't be human enough for it to matter."

"Do we need to worry about countering it, then?" Kat asked. "I don't really see the harm in it, myself… I'm quite happy serving my precious Navi!" Apparently that statement warranted hugging me from behind. Since I was nice, I used that opportunity to feed her the last bite of the lovely steak. Or at least, I attempted to.

As soon as Kat tried to bite down on it, the meat teleported back onto my plate. "Navi, don't tell me you're going to give away the meal I hoof-made for you," Celestia said with an uncomfortably intense look on her face.

"Okay, I definitely won't tell you," I said. Apparently sharing wasn't allowed, so I ate the last bite myself instead. Kat might have moped about it if she wasn't still latched around me. As it was, she seemed content to ignore Celestia's barbs. "I can't bring the humans forward in time without fixing the issue with the pull. That would throw the world out of balance. It won't be as bad now that we're wary, but we've already seen what kind of damage just one human can do. And we obviously can't just leave the humans alone in their own little corner of the world, because they'll definitely just do what humans always do. It'll turn into us versus them, war will break out, and all the suffering I went through will have been for nothing."

"Countering something like that for one human might be feasible, but all of them might be difficult," Celestia said. "Though truth be told, just being aware of it can be enough to stop oneself from slipping too far into it. But spreading awareness across the entire world is still asking a little much. Are you truly sure that allowing time colonists is wise? I hate to sound heartless, but the humans died an awfully long time ago. Trying to resurrect an extinct race might cause irreparable damage to this world, Nav. The fact that we're having to do so much planning just to counteract a single part of their existence, this terrifying pull of theirs, is proof of that. Then we have to take countermeasures for their technology! And then their insidiousness! Then their spite! I have no desire to watch my kingdom burn up in flames and be bathed in poison. If anything, we should commemorate their existence as the great architects who recreated all life on this planet, and use the tale of their downfall to remind ourselves that even the mightiest can fall when poisoned by Discord."

"I'd probably be cool with that if we didn't have to deal with Jonathan," I replied with a shrug. "But I don't think he'll settle for that and getting rid of him would be an absolute nightmare. The idea of a time colony is really interesting, though. And it reminds me of something I was considering in my coma. There were a whole bunch of periods when humans killed other humans in massive quantities. I'm pretty sure the Mongol Empire killed something like ten percent of the population of the entire planet. What if, instead of letting those random peasants get murdered, we kidnap them instead? With all the superstitions and whatnot in my world, if someone who looks like me appears before an invasion with a few pegasi in tow, I'd probably be called an angel or something and they'd follow me with no questions asked. Technology in our world didn't start advancing really quickly until a hundred or so years before I disappeared. Before then, most of the world was on par with Gryphus. The people we'd rescue would still be humans, of course, but they'd be grateful. After I have a stable population of grateful time refugees in my colony, I can bring over the people I promised to help. By then, there would be enough docile, loyal humans that a few bad eggs shouldn't be able to accomplish much."

"...Look at what a single bad egg did to Equestria," Kat whispered in my ear. Celestia's ears flinched, but she didn't say anything.

"How long do you intend to hang onto me?" I asked. She wasn't uncomfortable, but having that creep near me made my skin crawl.

"As long as my lady allows it, of course," she said, snuggling me tighter.

"It's time," Darya said in my head. "Doppel is ready for your perusal."

"Apparently Doppel is ready for me to look at," I said. "The other potential maid dressed her up all cute-like."

"So I heard," Celestia replied. "The mare in the kitchen thought it was a little odd you used a changeling shaped as your daughter instead of your actual daughter."

"A changeling shaped like my daughter is better than a mirror," I said. "I want to ask for Taya's opinion on it too, even if she probably doesn't care."

"Shall I summon Taya and her friends?" Kat asked.

"I don't know if Taya wants her friends to see her dressed like that. Otherwise, I'd just have Doppel come downstairs. One moment, let me ask." Flo, ask if Taya wants her friends to see Doppel dressed up.

"She absolutely doesn't," Flo replied. "I'll explain the situation to her as Kat heads downstairs. The other maid finished what she was cooking and Taya's sharing it with her friends now. All three approve, of course."

Make sure she comes up here even if she doesn't care. It won't take long. "Kat, go get Taya. Just her. I won't pull her from her friends for long, of course."

"Wait, what?" Celestia said. "I thought you said you were going to go ask Taya."

"I never mentioned going anywhere. I just used Flo. Kat, why are you still hugging me? I gave you an order."

"Right, of course!" She quickly released me. "Sorry, I was too engrossed in your scent…"

"If you actually want me to like you, you're doing a terrible job," I said. "Go get Taya."

"At once, my lady." With that, she finally left, closing the door behind her.

"If you're having that much trouble with her, I can find you several attendants who definitely won't just be spies," Celestia said. "I've had some unpleasant subjects before, but there weren't many I wanted to strangle."

"That's because ponies don't have fingers," I replied. "Of course it wouldn't come as natural to you. You threw me against a wall once just because I followed the orders I was given."

"That just proves how exceptional you are, doesn't it? Now, shall we go see this faux-daughter of yours?"

"Are you here to cook or are you here to hang out?"

"...I can't do both?"

"Whatever. Let's go." The two of us walked out of my room and over to my filly's. The door was closed, so I rudely barged in. At the moment, it was just the maid and Doppel, but Taya teleported to us seconds after we walked in.

"Who wants to walk up stairs?" Taya scoffed.

"If I have to walk up and down instead of getting to fly, I don't see why you should get to teleport," I replied. "But whatever. What do you think of your new look?"

With that, we all turned our judgemental eyes toward Doppel. Her purple fur went pretty well with the white hair and red and purple dress. Her mane was done up as drill pigtails. All the ruffles and bows covering the dress were a little over the top, but that was normal for the style she was going for. As someone who was forced into a similarly gothic lolita outfit once, I knew it was surprisingly comfy. I also knew that I looked so cute that it was uncomfortable. The fake Taya standing before me was definitely cute, but not in an uncomfortable way.

"I actually kinda like it," Taya said. "If I have to wear a dress, I think dark colors would suit me best. And the ruffles would help hide the pudge you're so ashamed of. All the lace might get a little hot, though. And um… I don't really like makeup, but just that much is fine. The hair style is a little over the top, but I guess that's a noble thing, so that makes it okay?"

"Even if it took ages to get everything done," Doppel replied, pouting a little. "How are you gonna make it up to me, mommy?"

"Don't you even start, missy," I replied. If I was closer, I might have even thumped her on the nose.

"So what do you think, mommy?" my real filly asked.

"I think it's cute, but you might risk attracting anime nerds if anyone sees you like this. Especially since you're my daughter."

"Well, that's what combat magic is for," Taya replied with a shrug. "By the way… who's that?" She was staring at Celestia, but then sniffed and narrowed her eyes. "Wait, never mind. Flo told me. Why are you… like that?"

"To blend in, of course," Celestia replied. "I couldn't do anything about the voice, though."

"It's distinctive, but most people have never heard your voice anyway," I said. "What do you think of the ensemble, Sunny?"

"I think referring to your maid as an ensemble is a little insulting, for one," Celestia said. "Second, I deem it acceptable for the Gala."

"Not that it means much, since I never intend to go to another Gala," I said. "But it's good to have your… what's wrong?" For some reason, Celestia's entire face just went completely emotionless. "Actually, it's for the best I don't know. It's good to have your approval. I deem it a pass." The blue one, Evening Mist, hoof pumped. "Taya, what did you think of the food?"

"It's worth eating at least once a day for a while," she confidently replied. "Maybe as many as three times, if I was pushing it…"

"So does this mean we're hired?" Evening Mist sweetly asked.

"Sure does. Doppel, you're welcome to take it away from here. Well, I guess after you get changed." With that, she turned herself into a snake, slithered out of the clothes, and flashed right back into a changeling. "Not exactly what I meant by changing, but I guess that also works."

"We're finally safe from the fun police!" the crazy mare shouted in glee.

"The… fun police?" Celestia said, tilting her head.

"The ponies who took father away when he stopped smiling," the blue one sagely said. "My silly sister thinks the guards took him away for learning something he wasn't supposed to know, but that's ridiculous. He stopped smiling so the fun police got him! But my new lady works super close with the ruler of the fun police, so that means we're safe now! I don't have to smile now, even when I feel like crying!" Which apparently meant right now, because she actually was tearing up.

Oddly enough, Celestia was looking even more gloomy now. "So this is what Oldlestia wrought," Newlestia whispered, her ears sagging low. "Fun police… This poor mare…"

"Yep, you're safe now," I replied to the maid while patting Celestia on the head. "I think the fun police aren't going to be bothering anyone anymore, in fact." Luckily, that cheered both of them up.

"So… I have another question," Taya said. "What's with the box? Did… Ugh, did someone drop off more dresses?!" With that, she used magic to tear the box open, revealing her runic armor. "...Oh."

"This is a gift from Jak," I said. "I was going to tell you about it after your friends left, but well, here you are. It's basically a smaller version of the armor Luna has. It becomes much stronger when powered with a blood gem, but we can play with it later. You probably shouldn't leave your friends for too long."

"...The armor is cooler, though."

"You have people who enjoy spending time with you, Taya," I said. "You shouldn't spurn that. It's a valuable thing. I mean, do you want to turn into some six thousand year old hag who lives vicariously through her students to the point of making them send all the minute details of their lives spelled out in ridiculous letters?" That actually didn't seem to depress Celestia any further, but it's possible she was already past her breaking point.

"No, that sounds like an existence worse than hell itself," Taya sarcastically replied, staring directly at Celestia. With her snarky statement delivered, my daughter's loving eyes turned back to me. "I guess I'll head back downstairs… My friends seem to want to talk more with the great hero of Equestria, mommy. Are you gonna join us?"

"I'm relatively confident I can pretend to be normal for at least a few minutes. Sunny, I'm more partial to arsenic than polonium, so keep that in mind if you plan to poison me tonight."

"You couldn't even be normal for two sentences!" Celestia said. "Ugh. And what was that about not going to the Gala?! You'll be there if I have to have you dragged in by demons!"

"It would be considerably less dramatic to just have me dragged in by Flo, for real," I said. "After all, she's the only one capable of stopping me from ordering Luna to teleport me away."

"You're just afraid of having to pick a date, aren't you?" Taya asked.

"Would it be crass to call dibs?" Celestia asked. "I mean, Luna got away with it a few years ago. I wouldn't mind enjoying myself for once."

"You're assuming Flo would side with you," I replied, sticking my tongue out at her. "Besides, the Gala is just for showing off, not for romance. I might be okay with escorting someone, but I feel like calling it a date would spread rumors far and wide."

"...Darn, you're learning," Celestia said, looking away.

"And that's worth a darn, huh? Let me guess: You were going to get rumors started about us being a thing, then try to use public pressure to force the issue."

"I had no such intentions. However, I certainly did think such a thing might occur, and I deemed it an acceptable risk."

"An acceptable risk you hoped I wouldn't notice."

"Is it so wrong to wish for your hand, my lovely lady?"

"It can be, when you're creepily devious about it. Don't be a Luna."

"Rumors are nowhere near the level of giving everyone dreams," Celestia shot back.

"Fine, then don't be a Fleur." That made her ears flinch. "Anyway, I'm looking forward to dinner. Taya, shall we?" Since my favorite pony daughter knows me so well, we instantly teleported away before Celestia could reply.

"...I thought teleportation was supposed to be hard," the red one whispered.

"That was just blinking," Taya said. "It costs barely anything. It's also way easier… once you get used to it."

"And it can be great for emergency situations," Watcher added. "A unicorn can blink further than they can teleport, but it's not as fast because each jump is much shorter."

"I blink all the time, but it's never taken me anywhere," the white one said. "What's special about magical blinking?"

"It can only be done in two ways," Watcher said. "The first is by memorizing both your starting location and your ending location. Normal teleportation doesn't require starting coordinates, but if you add them to the formula, it'll greatly shorten the distance you can travel, but it reduces the cost even more. The second way requires line of sight. If you can see where you want to blink, you can do so to within a certain distance. That distance increases based on how powerful you are and how experienced you are with the magic. I'm not sure if the cap is actually the horizon or not, but that's the legend."

"Doesn't adding more to the formula make it harder than normal teleportation?" the white one asked.

"That doesn't apply to every spell," Taya said. "When it comes to blinking, once you're an expert, you can jump from room to room in an instant with basically no effort, as long as you're very familiar with both rooms."

"But blinking via line of sight will take a little longer, since you usually aren't as familiar with your destination," Watcher added. "Though it's still fast enough to use in combat. Learning it would make you considerably more formidable."

"...I found that out the hard way," the red one muttered. Taya smirked. "Though I guess I can't really feel bad for losing to someone who can even beat the professors…"

"Wait, what?" I said, butting in. "Do the teachers participate in the fights, too?"

"They won't let me practice against students anymore," Taya replied, rolling her eyes. "I mean, I only traumatized two or three. It's not like I win all the bouts against the professors, though. Dueling in class is different than a real fight, so my opponents actually stand a chance."

"Is Taya really that strong?" the red one asked, looking up at me. "I know she's become a legend at the tower already, but I heard some of the professors whispering about how she knew all kinds of weird ancient magic!"

"You're looking at the wrong person," I said. "I know Taya's strong and I've seen her do a ton of impressive things, but I don't really have a baseline comparison when it comes to magic. Watcher, where would Taya stand in the tower's hierarchy when it comes to combat?"

"Near the pinnacle," he immediately replied. "In terms of raw magical strength, she's within the top twenty-five. In terms of sheer combat potential, she's easily within the top ten. But there's a lot more to magic than combat. Taya knows a good amount of healing and enough other types of magic to get by, but she's very specialized toward fighting. Her cutie mark is proof of that. For civilians, I recommend a more well-rounded education."

"I'm gonna be a knight," the red one said. "That means I'm going all in on the combat magic!"

"Knights aren't there to fight enemies, they're there to protect people," I said. "Part of protecting people is being able to fight, but it also involves being able to heal and put up barriers. Think about Prince Shining Armor. His specialty is defense magic and he made it all the way to the top." Of course, part of that was nepotism, but that's just how the world works.

"My lady is mostly right," Watcher said with a nod. "In combat operations, knights usually work in squads that have members specialized for individual roles. However, there will be times when the other knights you're working with aren't unicorns at all and you need to be prepared for any type of situation. Besides, there are a variety of spells from other schools that can come in handy in combat. Telekinesis is the most obvious. You can use that to throw ponies around or use weapons."

"And illusions can make great distractions," I said. "Watcher, what was that fog spell you used in the training exercise?"

"You mean when we annihilated the day guards?" he smugly asked. "That was a grandmaster level weather control spell, the only one my squad happens to know. We also added a few touches of our own to make it truly unique, something full of nightmares. But I made sure you wouldn't run into those when you had to go through it, and that's not really the kind of spell that's viable in individual combat. But it's certainly great for setting the tone of the battlefield and can allow you to easily get the drop on your enemy."

"Magic is amazing," the white one whispered. "Those golems are also controlled by magic, right?"

"They're controlled by runes," I said. "Those are like magical words that you carve into things. Just one metal golem is more than enough to take down two of the most powerful mages in the tower. I've seen it firsthand."

"Is that what happened to the mages in the book?" Taya asked.

"Sure is," I replied with a nod. "They smarted off to Athena, so she sent that metal monstrosity to take them on. It was over in seconds. I mean, you were literally using that rock golem for target practice, and the metal golems are considerably stronger. They're essentially immune to magic and since they're made of super hard materials, they're also essentially immune to melee attacks. Thankfully, all of them in the real world belong to me, so it's not really a concern."

"Wait, they don't belong to the princess?" the red one asked. "I know you're the great hero and all that, but why do you own something so strong?"

"My crew was the one to develop them," I said. "In my travels, I happened to find someone who was able to teach one of my followers how to create these golems. And then later, I found someone else who was capable of obtaining the resources I needed to make a lot of them. And right now, as we speak, my followers are tearing minerals, stones, and wood from the face of the earth and turning them into a massive army of golems just like those."

"Well, I guess it makes sense for a hero to have an army," the white one said with a shrug. "Doing heroic stuff will be easier with one, after all."

"More importantly, it'll be less dangerous," I said. "There's no reason for me or Taya to go out and fight when we have golems that'll do it for us."

"Isn't enjoying fighting enough of a reason?" Taya asked.

Are you even trying to pretend to be normal? "That will probably depend on the circumstances," I said. "But between the golems and the rest of my vassals, I don't see much giving us trouble."

"What about Arachne?" Watcher asked.

"There are exceptions, of course."

The conversation continued, but I was forced out of it by Darya. "Luna and the others will be returning from the bunker soon. If your intention is still to have the children avoid everyone else, you should consider getting them to head home."

Let Taya know. I won't make them leave, but she might want them to get out before things get weird. I doubt she would be dumb enough to just tell them to leave, but make sure she knows to be polite about it.

"It's starting to get fairly late," Taya said, looking out the window. The sun was definitely setting, at this point. "If I had to guess, the rest of our vassals will be getting back soon. You two should escape before they get here. Things get… weird around Luna." Is that really what you'd consider polite?

"Weirder than a cat named Kat?" the red one asked. Luckily, Kat wasn't currently in the room. That was a little unusual, but I was still glad I didn't have to deal with her all over me.

"Yes, Luna is definitely stranger than Kat," I said. "Living on the moon for a thousand years will do that to someone. Given how normal the two of you are, I would definitely recommend heading back before everyone else returns."

"...I never thought being called normal could feel like an insult," the white one whispered.

"Be prepared for anything, because life can come at you fast," Watcher said. "Despite how my ladies put it, their words are wise. Should you visit again in the future, I definitely recommend doing so when most of the other inhabitants are away. This home is not fit for the faint of heart."

"I only screamed at the griffin for three whole seconds!" the white one proudly replied. "But um… I also still haven't met the giant spider…"

"You mean the one playing the piano?" Taya asked. That made their eyes widen, of course. "I'll introduce you on the way out! Come on." Of course, neither one seemed that much in a hurry to follow her. But Taya showcased her magical might by carrying them along behind her with telekinesis. Just like that, I put the two of them out of my mind for the indefinite future. Or at least, I tried to, but the incoherent shriek coming from the front room was a little disconcerting. It suddenly cut off before I could worry enough to do anything about it, though, so I stopped thinking about it.

"So, there's apparently some kind of celebration tonight," Watcher said. "Do you happen to know anything about that?"

"Celestia's making me a countess. She's blaming it on my accomplishments. When Doppel found out, she decided to celebrate, so that's what we're doing."

"I see. Well, congratulations, I guess."

"Oh, and Celestia's also making me found a village. She's even going so far as to force colonists on me. It's a pain, truly."

"It seems like Celestia is in quite the hurry to boost your position and power. That's… interesting."

"It's not like I'm able to turn her down," I said. "I could, theoretically, force the issue, but I feel the need to be careful around her. Besides, at this point, building more power seems like a good idea. I'm not sure getting tied more closely to Equestria is the best choice, but I don't really have any better options at the moment."

"Marrying Gilda isn't a better choice?" he asked. "I think being married to royalty would give you more options than being a countess of Equestria. You could easily influence that country however you wanted. You wouldn't have to start from scratch with some minor village."

"Yeah, but then I'd have to marry Gilda. I mean, she's not the worst option out there, but I just told her it was over. Going back on that now would feel weird. Plus, a village is a good test. If I can't run one of those, I have no business running a country. Besides, if I had to pick, I'd say developing something from scratch with people I can trust is better than trying to take over something pre-existing, especially since it might be full of people with vested interests. And developing my town from scratch will be ideal in terms of architecture and design, too. Equestria's aesthetics are too gaudy and they have no concept of urban planning. Every pony city I've been to is a nightmarish warren of sidestreets, back alleys, and nonsensical designs. That's perfectly fitting for a city made of clouds, but letting your own capital city degrade that far is inexcusable. The griffin capital is basically copied from Canterlot, in at least some aspects. And half the griffins literally live in trees. The town I build is going to be planned out properly."

"And so, it's not like you could turn her down," he replied with a sigh.

"Right?"

"Does this mean you've decided to stay in Equestria for the foreseeable future?" Watcher asked.

"Out of all the countries I've been to, the standard of living here is the highest. My reputation is a little weird, but overall good. I'm a ranking noble. My relationship with the ruler is mostly acceptable. I honestly never really considered just settling down and being a normal noble when everything was all said and done, but I guess it actually is an option. My business ideas will probably give me plenty of power on their own. What do you think I should do, Watcher?"

"By the time it's all said and done, I have a feeling you'll be a duchess. It's entirely possible your existence will be necessary for Equestria's continued existence. That's how much Celestia relies on the other dukes. Escaping at that point might be difficult. But… there are worse things in the world than being one of the most powerful people in the most powerful nation on the planet. You have plenty of marriage prospects that would allow you to continue living as you are. Twilight or Fleur, in particular. Personally, though, I have to say it… If you're going to let Celestia turn you into a duchess, you honestly might as well just let her turn you into royalty. Unless you truly just find the idea of marrying her that abhorrent."

"It's an option I feel the need to be wary of, but it's not off the table. If I did end up getting promoted to duchess, do you think I could still marry another country's royalty?"

"Do you really want to risk marrying her?" Watcher asked. "Chrysalis may be trying to leave her old self behind now, but there's no telling how long she'll keep up the attempt. I highly doubt Newlestia will revert back to her old ways any time soon, but there aren't any elementals stopping Chrysalis."

"Well, marrying her would help ensure she doesn't fall back into her old ways. Between the two, Moonbeam is definitely sexier, scarier, and relatively evil. I haven't gotten a full read on Newlestia's personality yet, but she seems to have the same personality Oldlestia put on to fool people. It just feels more earnest, like it's not an act. So that makes her nicer, probably wiser, and more gentle. Is it weird that I'm having a hard time picking?"

"I really didn't want to be the one to have to say this, but… Yes. Seriously, what is wrong with you? A repentant monster is still a monster. I understand that you might have some special memories with Chrysalis or Moonbeam, whatever she wants to call herself now, but she was centimeters away from conquering Equestria. You might not have much attachment to this country, but most of the rest of us do. The thought of Equestria's hero marrying that bug is just… wrong."

I know I told everyone to be casual with me, but isn't this pushing it a little? "How were relations between ponies and changelings while you were a soldier?" I asked. "I know your unit was involved in a mission in one of their cities during the invasion, but I don't know how things were before then."

"We've rescued ponies from hives before, but they're never the same afterward. It's hard to come back, mentally speaking, from being gangraped by monsters and impregnated with their eggs. They aren't usually physically harmed, but something is definitely done to their minds. If I'm being honest… most of them didn't want to be rescued by the time we got there. Whatever the changelings did made their victims enjoy it. If the princess deems that using criminals for that purpose is acceptable, I'm not one to stand in her way. But the changelings were doing it to ponies they just kidnapped off the streets. That bug you're so close to was the one at the head of it all. And you're talking about marrying that thing. Not only that, but one of your other options is Princess Celestia, and you're having a hard time deciding. I think any Equestrian who heard that would be dumbfounded and insulted, really."

"I see."

"Obviously, I have no right to stand in your way. Nor do I have any intention to. But I want as little to do with the changeling nation as possible."

"I'm surprised so many of you are okay with Doppel."

"It's hard to hate someone who's so willing to take it in whatever hole you prefer," he said, shrugging. "I thought it might be a problem at first, but she found some creative solutions around it. Obviously not all changelings are evil, but it can be difficult to get along with a species who preys on your kind."

"Then you'll be happy to know that there will almost definitely be a changeling whorehouse or two in the village. I guess I should also mention that the colonists I was given are a very interesting bunch. Changelings, kobolds from Hawaii, monkeys from South America, naga from a failing cave, and a group of mercenaries for security."

"I'm sure Celestia would be willing to give you royal guards for free," he said. "Why pay mercenaries?"

"I've seen the state of the Equestrian military. Unless she has a lot more spec-ops guys like you lying around, I don't think any guards I get will be better than mercs. That said, I'll get you their information later so you can do some digging. But I know for sure that their leader can beat me in a fight, if that means anything. Although I stomped him into the ground with Aqua's help, so he might not realize it."

"The difference with Aqua in charge is that dramatic? Well, I guess she's Darya now."

"This was an unarmed fight during a tournament at Gryphus. If I had my sword, it may have been different. But he had strength and reach over me. The only way to win would be technique, and I haven't really done much hand to hand training, especially not against something with two legs."

"That can be fixed," Kat said from behind me, making me jump. An instant later, her arms were wrapped around me. "You should be good enough to sense me coming and skilled enough to avoid or break a simple hold like this."

"I'm reasonably confident that I could get away, but you're comfy enough that I don't bother," I replied. "And I'm not really sure what you mean by sensing."

"...I'm comfy," Kat whispered, giggling a little. "Comfy!"

"I think she means instinct," Watcher said. "It's hard to sneak up on a pony, since our eyes are positioned differently, but I can still tell when something is coming at me in my blind spot. Maybe it's something to do with the flow of air against my fur, maybe it's some kind of innate magic that warriors pick up, or maybe it's just raw animal instinct. But most veterans pick up skills like that."

"If it's fur, that one's out," I said. "Even if I went nude, my body doesn't grow much hair anymore. My skin might be sensitive enough to pick up wind, but probably not minor air currents. If it's animal instinct… Well, I'm part tree, so that one may also be out. Magic is a maybe. I can't do active magic since I don't have a soul, but passive magic like flying seems to work anyway since it's something everyone believes in."

"Well, I can still train you," Kat said. "You were getting pretty good at knife fighting before the coma. We'll need to see if you've gotten rusty!"

"That sounds like a problem for future me," I said. "Although I could probably train some in my dreams. I recently discovered a way to link dreamers together, so I could have both you and the naga with me."

"I saw your fight against Sombra," Watcher said. "You could do with a four-legged opponent, too. Celestia would be your best bet, but I'd be willing."

"Then it'll be you," I said. "I never want to fight her again."

"Sore loser!" Celestia called from the entrance to the anteroom. We all looked over there, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Is she… using magic to eavesdrop from the kitchen?" Kat whispered.

"Or using one of the elementals to eavesdrop," I said. "She's just doing it for attention, so ignore her. So far, I've only used the ability to give Cadance total control over her wife's dreams. It'll be nice to put it to use for good, instead."

"Did you just say her wife's dreams?" Watcher asked.

"Did I? Must have misspoke. I definitely didn't mean to imply anything about what Shiny secretly enjoys." Kat snorted and Watcher rolled his eyes. "I also need to talk to Luna and Twilight about the ability. We can probably do some pretty fun stuff with it. Though I think Luna knows something similar."

"It's a shame she had to go crazy at that party," Watcher said, shaking his head. "It's such a cool concept."

"How much do the guards know about what happened that night?" I asked.

"Pretty much all the night guards know something bad happened between you and Luna, but as far as I know, none of us know exactly what happened. But given her obsession with you and the legendary confession of hers, I kinda have an idea."

"I guess there's not much reason to keep it a secret, but I would prefer if you didn't spread it around. To begin with, I was basically forced into becoming Luna's boyfriend shortly after becoming her knight. This led to me trying and failing to help her with her estrus. When I failed, I decided to break things off with her to the best of my abilities, since I deemed the risks involved with staying together were greater than the risks involved in trying to separate. Some time later, she and Celestia swapped bodies for a little while. I asked Celestia in Luna's body to go on a date to make Luna jealous for reasons that made sense at the time. A day later, they swapped back and didn't tell me. They wanted to trick me into dating Luna herself, but I figured it out and cancelled. And then, the party happened. That night, Luna pretended to be her sister in disguise and followed me around as my date. Eventually, she brought me to a private room and tried to trick me into having sex with her. Flo warned me at the last moment. I escaped the dream, did something to stop Luna from following me, then got Celestia's help to deal with her. Shortly after, I left Equestria entirely. Luna got imprisoned. The only one who could keep her there was Shining Armor, so Celestia secretly told him to head north to the Crystal Empire and then ordered Luna to escape."

"Well, that answers several questions," Watcher said.

"I'm interested in this so-called legendary confession," Kat said.

"That was traumatizing, so I'd rather not talk about it," I said. "Like, that was actually worse than going through some of what she confessed about. I can't deny she has some balls, though. That was definitely a life-ruiner."

"...Now I'm even more interested," Kat mumbled, snuggling me closer.

"I hadn't really thought about it, but I do see how that could be painful for you," Watcher said. "Luckily, none of the journalists were fast enough to get a picture of you before you left, but I'm told your expression was one of horror."

"Probably." I was saved from having to think about it by the arrival of my filly. "Are your friends safely away?"

"Yes, but Lila spent way too long panicking over the giant spider. Her screams got old fast, so I muted her. She still kept freaking out, though. Spider ended up crying and running back to his tree."

"That girl needs to get her shit together," I said. "Kat, go bring Spider back in." I'm honestly surprised she waited for me to give the order, but she left immediately. "What about the red one? Did he panic?"

"No, he likes bugs. He was scolding her as they walked off. I'll happily tell her to get her shit together for you, mommy."

"If it wouldn't be too much of a problem," I said, nodding.

"Don't tell your daughter to say things like that," Watcher immediately replied. "You're nobles now, remember?"

"Oh, right, sorry," I said. "Tell her to get her excrement together. That's fine, right?"

"Please tell me you're joking," Watcher said. "I honestly need to hear it, even if it's a lie."

"I'm joking." Was I, though? "Don't actually say that, Taya. It would be nice if you could get her to apologize, but remember that forced apologies mean nothing. Oh, and maybe next time she's here, you should tell her this place is haunted."

"The ghosts haven't been too big of an issue, but they do get annoying sometimes," Watcher said. "I still can't hang any pictures in my room, but I can finally at least put a mirror against the wall."

"Wait, then why is there a huge picture of me in the front room?" I asked. "Shouldn't the ghosts knock it down, too?"

"That's where the noble's portrait is supposed to go, so of course they wouldn't mess with it," Watcher said. "Or at least, that was Zecora's reasoning."

Typical. "If they do come here to practice again, maybe you should wear your armor, too. That would probably give you a power boost."

"I'll need to try it out first," Taya said. "You wanna show me how to put it on, mommy?"

"I might be able to figure it out, but we should wait until Luna gets back so she can tell us all the features. The armor they made us is dangerous, in the sense that it greatly increases our strength. If we aren't sure what all it can do, we might hurt others accidentally."

"So, they made Taya a set of runic armor?" Watcher asked.

"Sure did. I picked it up today, along with my own set and those three golems."

"Why did you bring back golems?" he asked.

"Because they looked cool and I wanted them. For now, they're defending the house. In the future, I'll have them defend the village. There were a bunch just sitting around on the ship, so I didn't see any harm in taking some."

"They're good for target practice," Taya said. "Their runes seem to make them immune to certain types of magic."

"That effect may wear off after enough hits. Be sure to watch for that."

"Of course, mommy."

Suddenly, a loud pop rang out through the house, the tell-tale sign of teleportation. It sounded like it was coming from above us, so that was almost definitely the away team. "Sounds like everyone's home," I said. "Taya, feel free to borrow Luna whenever she has spare time."

"Then I'll go—" She was cut off by Luna suddenly teleporting next to us.

"We have returned, my lady," Luna said with a bow. "Would you like a detailed report of our activities today?"

"I don't think the details are necessary, but a report is fine," I said.

"Understood. My advance team uncovered two more collapsed tunnels. Both were full of high level anomalous activity. We continued through the safer of the two tunnels and found what we believe to be one of your primary targets, the so-called black market. Unfortunately, it's dangerously haunted. Reclaiming relics will be inadvisable for the moment."

"Well done," I said with a smile. "The black market acts as a hub for a good portion of the rest of the bunker. Once we make headway in there, exploring everywhere else will be easier."

"That's good to hear, but I fear it will be some time before Zecora can make it that far. There are still plenty of passages left for us to explore, so we'll still be able to find more relics until then. A good chunk of the bunker is safe, but the areas with spirits tend to have more relics."

"It's a shame you blew up the bunker in Antarctica," I said. "But it would probably be a few lifetimes before it would be safe enough to plunder, so I guess there's no use crying over spilled milk."

"I admit that even my magic had trouble penetrating the materials that bunker was made of. I know I riled up the undead, but I honestly don't know how much damage I did to the structure itself. I couldn't even find a way inside… It's possible it's still intact."

"So, what, you just told Celestia the job was done when you had no clue?" I asked.

"Well… I was pretty done with her at that point, you know? Sure, dealing with the undead was important I guess, but my heart wasn't into it. I made a huge mess of the ice, sent Celestia a few pictures, and went back to Tartarus to mope."

"I never thought I would praise a vassal's laziness, but here we are," I said, reaching over to pat Luna on the head. She beamed with pride. "So, you remember how I said, before, that easy sources of power that involve using sapient souls is evil?"

"I do," Luna said with a nod.

"Well, as it turns out, a large chunk of the spirits in the Russian bunker are evil. Like, the rapist and cannibal kind of evil. I'm not sure if harvesting their souls would be evil or not, so I might take you and Taya along with some soulgems to speedrun that bunker and kidnap all the baddies. With Ava's input, we can avoid harvesting anyone who isn't rotten to the core."

"Ooh, that sounds fun!" Taya said. "Speedrunning the bunker in the coma was great!"

"And with our armor, we'll both outlevel and outgear the dungeon. It's basically like going back to a finished map to collect all the missed drops, at this point."

"Am I supposed to understand any of that?" Luna asked, tilting her head.

"I'm completely lost," Watcher said. "It was fine until they got to speedrunning, whatever that is."

"Maybe they're saying it'll be easy now?" Luna said, tilting her head the other way. "That seemed to be the overall implication, no?"

"That round goes to Woona," I said, booping her. She still seemed confused, but smiled anyway. "Dinner should probably be ready sometime soon. Whenever you have some spare time, can you show Taya how to put on her armor and teach her what it does?"

"I would be honored. Now is fine, if Taya is free."

"Now is perfect!" Taya replied. "I wanna be able to crush a boulder with my hooves!"

"That will be doable," Luna said. "I believe the armor will give us a fighting chance against the golems, so something like a boulder will be trivial. Is it upstairs?"

"Yep!" Taya's horn lit up and they both teleported off.

"I guess that means I'm not invited," I said.

"They have to grow up eventually," Watcher said. At that point, more of the guards started filtering in from the main room. "Welcome back, everyone. Anything to report?"

"All's well, sir," Sentinel replied. "We made progress and located one of our objectives. Assaulting it is impossible, but we'll be launching small recon teams soon."

"Is it safe enough for that?" I asked. "The things I ran into down south weren't so forgiving as to let someone just sneak by." At that point, four of the guard squads, Zecora, original Gilda, Felix, Silver Quill, and Ames were in the room. I had no idea what Silver Quill was doing at the bunker, but she came back with everyone else. I'm also not sure why Felix thought he was welcome in my house, but it's not like he would be dumb enough to try anything. Kat and Spider never came back into the sun room, so they probably took one of the side entrances and went upstairs. Aurora was trundling in a cart with enough tea for everyone on it, kindly enough.

"Magic won't permanently destroy spirits, but it will weaken them long enough to allow us to get away," Sentinel said. "There are places we've written off as no-go zones. It's possible this area will get the same designation after future exploration. We haven't lost anyone yet, but there have been some close calls and at least two teams got a little cursed."

"Wait, cursed?"

"Nothing major. Shining Armor cleared it up in no time. We're being as careful as we can be, my lady. There's no need for you to worry over us."

"I'm pretty sure it's my duty as the one giving you orders to worry over you. But you're all professionals, so if you say you're being careful, then I'll put my heart at ease."

"...There's no need to put on the noble act at home, my lady," Sentinel said.

"The worry, at least, is real. Anyway, now that just about everyone's here, I have some small announcements to make. First, I hired two more maids. Their names are Evening Mist and Sunset Breeze. They're twin sisters and I believe both are single." Several of the male guards grinned at that news. Sentinel rolled her eyes. "Second, my noble rank is being elevated to countess."

"You're skipping baroness?" Sentinel asked. "That's pretty unusual, isn't it?"

"Celestia said my rank should have started at baroness and the only reason it didn't was because she was too paranoid. And beating the Zone of Alienation was enough to increase my rank, or so Celestia claimed. Since my original rank was supposed to be baron, she decided to just make me a countess. When Doppel found out, she decided to celebrate. So that's what we're doing tonight."

One of Gilda's talons shot up. "Since we helped you gain a noble rank, can we get another bonus?"

"Bonuses are paid out based on the sum of the loot acquired," I said. "And I'll be happy to pay out a percentage. I'm essentially no one without my team. Silver, have you done any work on calculating the value of what we looted?"

"I was able to calculate the value of the metals, ores, gems, equipment, and the legal alchemical ingredients. I was not able to calculate the value of the magic items, the ancient human relics, the scientific notes, and… quite a lot of other things, if I'm honest. I haven't sold any of the items yet. One of the princess's accountants told me they could arrange for a state-sponsored auction of goods from the infamous Zone. The tax rate he offered was incredibly favorable and with the princess herself spreading the word, we'll make at least triple the appraisal value."

"Take that deal," I said. "I'll allow everyone who was part of the team to take a few items from what we looted. Everything else will be sold and everyone will receive a percentage. Or at least, everything I classify as actual loot. We probably don't need to sell that scientific data and some of those relics. We'll want to study the magic items before deciding whether to keep them, sell them, or give them to the Tower."

"Why would we give anything to those fogeys?" original Gilda asked.

"Good point. We'll give the useless ones to Jak instead. I'm sure his crafters can have fun with them." Felix slowly lifted one of his paws. "Welcome to my home, Felix. Yes, you'll receive a percentage as well."

"Thank you, but I had another question," he said. "Princess Gilda has kept to her end of the bargain and released me. I've been tentatively hired to help excavate the bunker. I mentioned before that I know the location of other ruins with valuable artifacts. Would you be willing to hire me to explore those as well? I'd be happy with a percentage payout after each ruin, along with being able to keep a few items here and there."

"Yes. You've seen the best talent that I have on offer. Do you need anyone else, or will we be enough?"

"I do have a few colleagues I would like to contact, if possible. Their leader is a powerful dog mercenary. I actually had him on standby in Gryphus to break me out if things went poorly. He probably hasn't gone far. His group won't be cheap, but they're worth the money. His specialists will be able to cover for the numbers we lack."

"Find them if you can," I said. "I'll hire them if the price is right."

"My lady, didn't you mention hiring dog mercenaries that you met in Gryphus?" Watcher asked.

"Yeah, but what are the chances it's the same guy? It was a huge festival. Felix, was your friend's name Rin Tin Tin?"

He blinked a few times before nodding. "It seems you have quite the talent for recruitment, my lady. How did you meet him?"

"In the ring of an arena. He left it carried on a stretcher. He recently sent an application to work under me. I've accepted, but he hasn't arrived to discuss the details yet."

"Impressive. He's the strongest paw to paw and melee fighter I know."

"I cheated a little, but that's not important. Start working out a list of the ruins you know, along with their positions on a map. If possible, include what you know about their original inhabitants, the artifacts inside, and what dangers they might possess. Please include any ruins that don't have artifacts, because it's possible they have historical or cultural value. I won't have you guys wasting time on those, of course."

"That'll take a little while, but it's definitely doable."

"And I have a warning for you." I took a moment to look around the room to make sure someone wasn't present. "Watch out for Kat. She might be trying to have a child to pass on the blood servant title to."

His ears shot straight down and his whole body shivered. "I think I'll return to the bunker tonight…" Some guards shot him looks of pity. Others had envy in their eyes.

"So, that leaves me with two more announcements," I said. "The third is that Felix is now part of the team. Everyone, welcome him." There was some apathetic applause. "And the fourth is that I'll be founding a village at the Everfree on Celestia's order. That comes with being a countess, apparently. The university will be part of that town. I've already got the first batch of colonists sorted out, but it'll take some time for the buildings to be ready for them. You guys will probably be helping with some of it. Silver, I'd like you to help train some new accountants from the colonists. You won't be able to keep track of everything alone."

"I'm… not sure I'm the best teacher, but I can… try," she said.

"Well, I'm sure there will be some talented people among those who are coming. You probably won't have to train them much, if I'm honest. But they won't know how to do paperwork the pony way, so that's something they'll need to be taught."

"Oh! That makes it much easier. Wait, are the colonists not ponies?"

"Nope. We'll have naga, kobolds, changelings, monkeys, and mercenaries. Once the town gets large enough, Celestia will allow ponies to move in. The griffins might also send some colonists." That got some of the guards to mutter, but no one spoke up. "I'll have you guys help here and there, but your main jobs are to guard me and act as my hands in the world. Although if any of you want a house in the village, it can be arranged. I have a plan to clear out the Everfree and make it safer, but it'll take time and work. Those who get in on it early will have a higher stake in the town."

"Can I invest?" original Gilda asked. "As a private investor, not as a griffin noble."

"Yes. I'm curious, though. Do you have actual plans or do you just want to throw in cash?"

"My domain's main exports are lumber, fresh game, and copper. The lumber and fresh game come from the vast cursed forest on our land."

"Wait, you get fresh game from a cursed forest?"

"That's what we call monster parts. Basically, the Forest of Shadows is a less scary, less profitable version of the Everfree Forest. But all my retainers are experienced hunters and I have a ton of lumberjacks who are used to working in evil forests. I can spare a few to help clear the Everfree if we can keep a percentage of what we take out."

"I want as many monsters taken alive as possible," I said. "I have uses for them. I'm planning on forming a monster hunting corps at the university. Your retainers can work with them to help bring monsters in alive. I'll pay a good bounty for them."

"Why can't Jonathan just sweep the forest?" Sentinel asked.

"I don't want to rely on him for everything. And he can't be everywhere. I'm confident that we can use a combination of teamwork and poison to bring down the monsters in the Everfree. If there are any that are too dangerous for the hunters, Taya and I can take advantage of our status as tree sisters and take them down with no resistance. And I'm also fine with your lumberjacks going to work in the forest, but I don't want to clearcut the whole thing. Once sectors have been cleared of monsters and uncursed, I'd like the griffins to go through and prune the forest. The place is magical, but it's still completely unmanaged. I'm sure the wood will have interesting properties."

"Forests can be uncursed?" Gilda asked.

"Depends on how it was cursed, but almost definitely. Zecora might be the better one to ask, though. I got lucky in figuring out the Everfree's problem."

"I knew the Everfree was cursed by a spirit of nature, but I didn't realize it was a tree sister," Zecora said. "I've gone with Luna to meet her. After a discussion, we decided that if you want to purify the Everfree, it would be best to plant your cherry blossom trees in strategic locations as you clear out monsters. Once the perimeter of the forest is secured, we can slowly push in. If we just give Poira a seed and release her, the monsters will no longer feel the need to stay in the Everfree."

"That's very good to know," I said. "How many seeds do you think it'll take?"

"Probably fifteen total. That's just an initial estimate, however. They can come from either you or Taya."

"I have a book on tree siblings," I said. "I'll have one of the elementals translate it so everyone can read it. We have the recipe that creates a potion that turns you into a tree sibling. If anyone is interested in doing it, I won't stop you as long as you've read that book first and are willing to help conquer the Everfree with me. Just note that a tree sibling can only have kids with other tree siblings." Being a tree sibling has a lot of benefits, but giving up your species to become something else takes a lot of determination.

"Is that offer good for me, too?" Felix asked.

"I might make that a reward option for you. For now, that option is relegated to people who were already employees. Sorry, but that's a lot of power to give someone."

"Understandable, my lady. I thought it might protect me from… unwanted advances."

"I'm sure you'll manage. Anyway, that's all the announcements I have. Dinner should be ready soon. It'll be fancier than usual, which is the celebration. Does anyone else have any reports for me? If not, I think I'll head upstairs to relax until dinner."

Silence filled the room for a few seconds. Watcher ended it by saying, "We'll send someone to get you when everything's ready, my lady."

"Thank you." With that, I left the sun room. As soon as I was clear, everyone started talking at once. They had a lot to talk about, so I happily left them to it and began the long trek up the stairs. I listened for Kat or the sound of crying, but I wasn't going to go barge into Kat's room to check up on them. If she needed help handling it, she would have brought him to the sun room. Instead, I went straight to my room.

It's been a long day. I really don't want to deal with celebrating tonight. Think they'd care if I just went to bed?

"Doppel would nag you about it forever," Flo said. "And it would set a bad example for your new staff. Just participate as little as you can."

Impossible. Everyone will be begging for my attention. Having Celestia here just cements it. I'm in the calm before the storm. This long day isn't over yet.

"Don't worry about Celestia," Darya said. "She knows you're tired. She's doing her best not to annoy you. After all, there's no way she'd ever be allowed back if she did."

It doesn't seem like she needs permission. She squeezed right past all my excuses like they weren't even there. Telling her no outright would have been awkward, which she took advantage of. But if she did annoy me, I would do my best to make sure she couldn't return.

"And that's exactly why she doesn't want to cross any lines," Flo said. "She won't trouble you too much, Nav."

We'll see. So when are you two getting back?

"Within fifteen minutes," Darya replied. "I request permission to be your pillow tonight."

"That's my job!" Flo immediately shot back.

"First come, first serve," Darya coldly said.

I'm with Darya. First come, first served. However, I'm not sure I need or want a waterbed to begin with, so the point is moot.

"There's nothing on the other side of that huge window but air," Flo said. "You do have a golem as a guard now, but you really should have someone else. If you aren't going to sleep with Kat anymore, you should at least have an elemental with you."

True. In that case, half of you can protect Taya. Anyway, how's the surveying going?

"Well," Darya said. "The land leading up to the forest is a plain, so it was already mostly flat. We cleared out all the large rocks, cut all the grass and weeds, and set up basic measurement markers here and there. We'll expand our efforts tomorrow."

"We should have everything mapped out tomorrow, and we can begin preparing districts the day after," Flo said. "The laptop contained a lot of info about city development. Putting that to use will be a lifesaver."

Good. Cuddle me when you return. I should be here. They both replied in the affirmative. With that, I finally opened the laptop and vegged out. It was great, but it didn't last nearly as long as I would have liked.

Dinner was alright, I guess. Sure enough, Celestia was just annoying enough that I couldn't say anything about it. Luna was cattier than usual, but that was to be expected. All things told, it was worth it.

Doppel's after-dinner party was much better. My long day ended on a pleasurable note.