Minegishi was not a fan of interventions.

They didn't work. If Minegishi cared how their drinking, soft and hard drug use, and whatever else everyone was making their business then they would have stopped doing whatever it was that these people took such great offense to. They had no plans of stopping any of their, admittedly, unhealthy coping mechanisms and coming home from a long day of hunting people down and feeding them to plants to find pretty much the entire house sitting together in the living waiting for them was NOT something they were amenable to.

No, they were not amenable to this at all.

"No." said Minegishi as they slipped their shoes off in the genkan. They could see, even from here, that this was not something that they wanted to deal with. Hatori, Shibata, and Tsuchiya were sitting in a circle in the living room. Serizawa may or may not have been a part of this, he was sitting on the couch playing a videogame of some kind. They didn't care. They were tired and dirty. They needed a bath and a nap.

Not an intervention.

"Minegishi, can you-" said Shibata. Minegishi didn't stop. They just raised their hand and kept walking. They could feel crumbs under their socks, sticking to them, sticking to the sweat...they needed to change socks. They needed to change clothes. They needed to take a bath and a nap, in that order, and then they could deal with the airing of the worries or grievances or whatever kind of intervention this was.

"I can't." said Minegishi as they walked past everyone in the living room. They made eye contact with Serizawa. He gasped and buried his face in his Gameboy or whatever that thing was called.

"This won't take more than a second." Said Tsuchiya

"I have less than a second." Said Minegishi. They wondered why she even cared. She had never made an ounce of effort to hide how much she disliked them. Huh. Maybe Minegishi was slipping deeper into addiction and they hadn't even realized it. Maybe coke on Ryou's birthday was going to turn into coke every day and the next thing that they knew they were going to start holding people at plant point for whatever sums of money they could get just so they could get their fix.

They had no idea everyone cared so much. Huh.

"Minegishi! Wait!" said Hatori. They stopped mid step and stared at him. Well this was interesting. Maybe some of Suzuki's unwavering, suicidal, confidence had rubbed off on him. They were almost to the stairs. Once they got there then it would have been over and they could have rested….but everyone would still have been there when they got done…

Well, they might as well.

"What am I waiting for?" asked Minegishi. They made eye contact with Hatori. His eyes went wide and he jumped…but he didn't run away. Someone was getting brave. Maybe he could be next. It couldn't have been healthy to spend all of his time playing videogames with a middle aged man….and there was also the fact that he drank energy drinks instead of water…and he had some kind of emotional unbalance that really needed to be addressed too.

Why were they the one being intervened? And why now?

"I'm waiting for Miss Suzuki! I mean…um…she and Sho are playing airplane with Mukai, that's where you run around and hold your arms out and pretend to be an airplane while Mukai rides on your back and laughs and kicks you and…and I didn't want to be outside anymore so Miss Suzuki told me to wait here until her sister got bored and then after that we're going to help Sho make dinner for his hamsters and then she said that she would show me how to make dinner. I don't really know how to cook but I know how to use the rice cooker now…mostly. The rice I make always ends up burnt on the bottom and I don't know why. Miss Suzuki says that I need more water but the last time I put too much water in and-" said Serizawa

"Truly fascinating. Is that all or can I go?" asked Minegishi

"I-I-I-" said Serizawa. Shibata put his hand on Serizawa back and shook his head.

"It's alright, you did good. Mob would've been proud if she'd heard you." Said Shibata. Minegishi rolled their eyes. Two more candidates to be intervened. Shibata, almost as big of a compulsive caretaker and enabler as Mob, and Serizawa, a man with more problems than there were hours in the day. There was the videogame addiction, the hikikomori thing, the fact that he deepened on a twelve year old girl for his sense of self….yeah, maybe everyone needed to address that before they jumped down Minegishi's throat about whatever the hell they had done this time.

"Mob would have given you a hug, a cookie, and a gold star too. Now can somebody, somebody besides Serizawa, please tell me why in the hell you've all taken the time out of your busy lives to have this little intervention? Come on, people, get it out of your systems." Said Minegishi

"It's not an intervention. We're all just a little worried about a few things." Said Tsuchiya

"Such as?" asked Minegishi as they raised a space where their eyebrow would have been if they could grow them. Maybe that was what this was about, a nice intervention about their genetics? Well if anyone needed to be intervened it was…well not Tsuchiya. She was the closest thing to a normal person in this house. Minegishi gave her one more year before she went as fully off the deep end as the rest of them had.

"Shigeko. She's been drinking and smoking a lot more than normal. Her dad even replaced the liquor in his office with tea just to get her to stop and that man…he says yes to everything….and I mean everything." Said Tsuchiya

"Take that up with Mob. What do you want me to do? I'm not her parent, I'm her friend, and at the end of the day Mob is going to do whatever she wants. You said it yourself, her own father can't even say 'no' to her." said Minegishi

"She listens to you more than she listens to everyone else and, honestly, I'm worried about her. She's only twelve years old and she could be doing all kinds of damage to herself…and also it's not a good example for Mukai." Said Tsuchiya

"Like I said, take it up with her. Mob's going to do what Mob's going to do. If that's all you people had to say then, yeah, go and say it to Mob. I'm going to go take a bath for the next three or four hours. I hope none of you needed the bathroom." Said Minegishi

"Wait, I-" said Serizawa

"Use Mob's bathroom." Said Minegishi

"But the President is taking a bath and he doesn't want to be disturbed." Said Serizawa

"Then hold it until your kidneys explode." Said Minegishi

"E-Explode?!" asked Serizawa

"Kidneys don't explode….at least I think that they don't…and if yours do then I'll just carry you to Fukuda's. I think he's home. I mean even if isn't I'll find him….or I guess Hatori can." Said Shibata. Minegishi rolled their eyes. Fukuda. That man didn't need an intervention, no, he needed a kick in the head. Minegishi normally would have been happy to deliver but they needed to get in the tub and then to bed. Hopefully they'd be asleep by the time Ryou got home. Not that they were avoiding him…they just weren't ready to deal with him just yet.

"I don't want to look for him. He's probably home anyway." Said Hatori

"Well if this concludes my intervention I'll be going now." said Minegishi

"Wait! We're here to talk to you about Mob just…not what Tsuchiya has to say about her. She's not a part of this. She's having her own intervention…and it's not an intervention. We've all just been worried about Mob for a while now." Said Shibata

"Wait, what are all of you talking about? I'm here because Shigeko's been stoned nonstop for the past…since I met her. What could be worse than that?" asked Tsuchiya. Everyone got quiet, there, and couldn't exactly meet anyone else's eye. Minegishi shook their head. They hated all of this vague, cryptic shit. It was exhausting.

"Yes, someone please enlighten the class. What? Did Ryou give her coke again?" asked Minegishi. Tsuchiya gasped….but the rest of them kept on looking down at the filthy rug. Serizawa was the only one, they figured, who wasn't involved in any of this. He just kept on pounding away on his Gameboy. It didn't sound like he was winning but, hey, at least he wasn't involved with this shit show.

"Again?! What do you mean by 'again'? Was there a first time?" asked Tsuchiya. Minegishi, for once, didn't think that she was overreacting. Yeah, Ryou should NOT have been giving her coke…but as far as they knew he hadn't given her anything worse than those damn pens she was always smoking….though, really, at this point they would have believed anything. Ryou loved doing coke with people he loved…or at least was into….not that he was into Mob anymore…at least if he was he had better have been keeping it to himself.

"What's coke? Like the soda?" asked Serizawa. Shibata shook his head.

"I'll tell you later…but if Shimazaki ever gives you anything then please, for the love of God, don't take it." Said Shibata

"It's good advice. Nobody ever take anything that Ryou gives you…and if he's been giving her coke then I'll knock some sense into him." said Minegishi. If he had been giving her coke then they knew that they would end up doing much worse than knocking some sense into him. They'd put him in the ground, deep in the ground, and he wasn't coming back up until he learned his lesson…so probably never. Ryou…sometimes they wondered what was wrong with him. They knew what was wrong with him, what his life had been like, how his mind worked…but still! He knew better than to give her coke…and also he knew better than to catch feelings for her…

They took a deep breath. Ryou would be dealt with later.

"Wait. Minegishi….I don't know how to say this. I mean I do, I know what to say, but I don't know how to say it without making you want to kill me." Said Hatori

"Well, all of this cryptic shit is making me want to pick up that fern over there and kill each and every one of you." Said Minegishi

"You….you're kidding, right?" asked Tsuchiya

"I'll make orphans of your children." Said Minegishi. They glared at everyone. Really. This had better have been good. This was too much. They needed to sit down, there was space on the couch, and they knew that if they sat down it wouldn't lead to anything good. Serizawa was sitting right there and he probably would have died of embarrassment or nerves or something if Minegishi came within a hundred meters of him. Sitting down would always make them a part of this…and the last thing that they needed to be was in the middle of this.

They hated interventions…or whatever this even was.

"Um…ok! Minegishi, don't kill me but…but I'm worried about Shimazaki and Mob and so is Shibata and Tsuchiya…well she's worried about Mob's drinking and smoking but that's normal for her-"said Hatori

"It shouldn't be." Said Tsuchiya

"-but Shimazaki isn't being normal with her and…and we're worried." Said Hatori. Minegishi didn't say anything. What could they even say? They weren't going to defend him. They loved him but they weren't going to defend the fact that he had feelings for Mob. This was something that all of them needed to take up with Ryou…and something that they needed to talk to Mob about….

Not that they had any idea how to start THAT conversation.

They had no idea how Mob even felt about all of this. If she was attracted to Ryou then….well that was her right. She could be attracted to whoever she was attracted to. Minegishi had no right to tell her how to feel…and they had no right to tell her what to do with her body either. Minegishi had gotten up to so much when they'd been her age, so much that they regretted, and they didn't need Mob to make their mistakes. They needed to save Mob from the worst of what they'd done…but people seldom liked being controlled like that….and Mob was human just the same as everyone else. She still….she was too young and too smart and she needed to find someone her own age…if she even had feelings for Ryou…

This was not going to be an easy conversation, not now or whenever they were up to having it, but it was one that they needed to have with Mob…if they even had any energy left after all of this insanity.

"He's….I mean you know how he is, he's your boyfriend after all, and….he can be kind of….affectionate…but he's been kind of overly affectionate lately. I know, believe me I know…but before all of your say anything that kid went on to live a normal life." Said Shibata

"Wait, what are all of you impl-" said Tsuchiya. Minegishi wondered if she was deaf or just stupid. It was pretty obvious what everyone was implying. Everyone thought that Ryou was sleeping with, or at least trying to sleep with, Mob and instead of telling him of or telling Suzuki about this they chose to bring this to Minegishi of all people.

"So I take it you're not going to tell us about the rabbits, Hiroshi?" asked Minegishi. It came out rough like they needed a drink….which they did. A strong one. They needed water or something else or….they just needed a drink. Far away from here. Why in the hell were they the one everyone was coming to?! Why not take this up with Ryou!? And why…why did Ryou have to be the way he was.

"….they did not go on to live normal lives…" said Shibata

"What happened to the rabbits?" asked Serizawa. Shibata closed his eyes and shook his head. Minegishi, if they had been anyone else, would have felt bad about bringing this up…but Shibata and all the others had decided to bring up something that wasn't their business. This was between Ryou and them…and also them and Mob.

"Death." Said Minegishi

"Can someone please tell me what's happening here? I thought we were going to talk about Shigeko's drinking and stuff….and now we're talking about rabbits and something to do with Shimazaki? I mean it sounds like you guys are implying-" said Tsuchiya

"They're implying that Ryou is sleeping with her. He isn't. We already hashed this out and he isn't sleeping with her and he isn't going to try to, either, so all of you can get back to your lives now." Said Minegishi

"Oh….uh…" said Hatori. They would have felt bad for him if they had been anyone else. He'd planned this whole intervention and now it was over before it had even begun. Well it served him right. Maybe he should have used some of that newfound bravery and confronted Ryou himself…maybe they all should have. What were they, his keeper? If all of these people had such big concerns then they needed to go to Ryou and confront him…or just send Suzuki after him…or even Sho. Yeah, they could have seen Sho fucking Ryou up for this…or maybe everyone should have just dog piled on Ryou and knocked some sense into him. Facing multiple opponents was difficult for him since it was a lot of people to keep track of…not that they would be revealing that particular weakness to the group…

Though maybe they should have.

There was a sense of betrayal, there, to the fact that Ryou had allowed himself to get the barest hint of a crush on Mob. It wasn't anything serious, at least it better not have been, and that was the only reason that they could look past it and keep on loving him. They were such an idiot…and they had the worst taste in men….and Mob was smarter than them. She wouldn't have let…well this was Mob. She'd spent her entire life living for other people and…and this whole thing was way too complicated.

They needed a bath…then they could clean up the mess Ryou had made, since obviously cleaning up messes was their job now.

"Wait, is this something that I should be worried about? Is this-" said Tsuchiya

"It's nothing that anyone needs to worry about. It's been settled. I settled it…and next time if you have a problem with Ryou then instead of staging an intervention for me then you should stage one for him…or maybe just knock some sense into him. I don't know. Next time deal with this yourselves. I'm going to take a three hour…four hour….five hour bath. Nobody bother me." Said Minegishi. They didn't wait to hear what else everyone had to say. They needed to get out of there for their own safety…so that was what they did. They turned around and walked away. They could do that. It wasn't their intervention. It was Ryou's….

Next time they needed to invite him.

They were not their boyfriend's keeper. Ryou was a grown man and he needed to learn how to deal with the consequences of his actions. He made this bed and now he needed to lay in it or unmake it or…or whatever the metaphor for this. They didn't know. They were tried. They needed a bath and a nap….and then they needed to talk to Mob….

But they did NOT need an intervention.