Life was both precious and fragile.
It was amazing, really, how quickly a person's life could end. The human body was nothing more than a machine, a biological robot with a chemical engine, a creation with a thousand and one things which could go wrong with it. Bones could break, minds could snap, skin could be breached, blood could be lost…so much blood…
How much blood did the average two year old have in her body again?
"No! Owie! No! No! NO!" shouted Mukai as she held her finger up so he could see it. He didn't need her to hold it up. He could see it just fine. There were so many ways she could have died…and this was one of them. Dead by blood loss. Death by paper cut. Dead by book.
Suzuki Touichirou was going to find who was responsible for this book and murder him…or her…them?
He didn't have time to check the front cover and look for who the author was! Mukai was dying! He had no idea how this had happened. One moment they'd been sitting on the sofa reading one of her books, Guess How Much I Love You, and then the next moment she screamed and now there was blood running down her arm and all over the page and-and-and how much blood did she even have in her body!?
She was so small.
He knew that he had, within his body, approximately a gallon and a half of blood in his body. He was a grown man though. She wasn't even a quarter of his size….she was so small…and there was so much blood. Suzuki wasn't a stranger to blood, no, he'd been in plenty of fatal and non-fatal fights in his life…he'd gotten injured before…his parents had…he'd….
Mukai needed him.
"Owie! Over there! Look! Look, caterpillars, look!" shouted Mukai. She shoved her finger in his face as she cried. Suzuki looked around….her mother wasn't here. Her mother was next door with his children working on homeschool with them and anyone else who wanted an elementary school education. She….she would have been the person…or Shigeko….but if he needed them then he'd have to go next door and….and that was the last thing that he wanted to do but…but his daughter was bleeding. There was so much blood and she was so small and…and….and…and…
And she could die.
That went against the way of the world. Children buried their parents but parents did not bury their children. He…had not ever considered the possibility that one of his children could die. Sure he had been worried for Sho at times, the boy was reckless, but it had always been something hypothetical. Now…now this was something else…this was…this was death staring him in the face. He would have spat in the face of death, he had before, but this…it was not his death that he was worried about but that of his child and…and he had to do something! She was losing so much blood….
He had to do something.
A thought. Fukuda. He was home. This was a weekend and on weekends…well even Suzuki needed a break and…and he was right in his home. Suzuki could sense him. If he went to Shigeko or Mukai's mother then they would just do the same thing, take her to Fukuda, and Fukuda…Tadashi…he didn't get along with Shigeko or anyone for that matter. Fukuda didn't always get along with people….and neither did Suzuki and…..and that was something that had always brought them together now that he thought about it. Fukuda had always been better about being near people but…but in the end it had always been the two of them and…
His daughter was dying! Now was not the time to think about Fukuda in that way or…or in any way!
"Mukai…come along now….come along." Said Suzuki as he picked her up. She still screamed…but he didn't let it affect him. He couldn't let it affect him. Her aura…her small aura…was clearly visible. She was distressed. If she was like him, if she took after him, and lost control when she was distressed, then the last thing he needed to do was set a bad example for her…also if he lost control then she probably would have wound up getting even more injured than she was now…and that was the last thing that he wanted.
He wanted her to live.
That was why he carried her, kicking and screaming, down the street to Fukuda's house. He wished that she wouldn't have carried on like that. She carried on like his other two children had when he punished them…when he drew blood….though he'd had good reasons to punish them and….and this was different! This was Mukai. She was smaller and more fragile than the other two had been. She was…she was even weaker as an esper than Sho had been at her age. She was…she was his youngest and maybe there was something instinctual here. She was his last child after all….
Not that he couldn't have had more.
Well…well he was going to worry about the child he had now and not any future ones he would have. He loved Mukai…he cared for her…he cared so deeply for her that he didn't even have words. She was…being near her was like being near Shigeko at that age. A small person…a kindred spirit…a being that he was tasked with caring for…with protecting. His being. He may not have fathered Shigeko but she was his. Mukai was his by blood as well…that may have factored into why he was so panicked now. He hadn't panicked like this with the others but….
The others were not Mukai.
This was Mukai. She was…she was someone who he'd lost a lot of time with. He liked babies, he decided. He liked infants and babies and toddlers. It was about at the age of five that children became insufferable. Suddenly everything was a power struggle. They no longer worshipped the ground you walked on. They no longer showed you any caring or respect at all. They just grew up one day, or thought that they had, and suddenly they thought that they could speak to you any way they wanted and act any way they wanted…..if he could have frozen Mukai at the age of two then he would have.
But not like this…not with dying…
She would be fine! The trip to Fukuda's home was not far. She was crying less now, the act of carrying her must have calmed her. Now she had gone from full on shrieking to little sobs and gasps…somehow these were even more painful than the shrieking. He had no idea how he could stop this…but it wasn't his reasonability to stop this. It was his responsibility to bring her to someone who could cure her, fix her, who could make her stop. He was right through that door…all Suzuki had to do was open it…to knock on it. Knocking was something that people did…knocking was socially acceptable. Speaking to Tadashi….he had never had to worry about being socially acceptable when they were together but…but it felt like things were different…between them and…and his feelings shouldn't have even factored in or…or existed….
He knew how to knock on a door.
Mukai was done crying, now. She was sucking on her finger…so maybe he had overreacted a bit. Maybe the thing to do was just to turn around and go home. He felt the concrete under his feet. He had been in such a hurry that he hadn't even put his shoes on….well now this was embarrassing….and idiotic. Now he needed a bath….but at least Mukai didn't. He was still holding her…but now she was squirming.
A lot.
"I want to walk! Now!" said Mukai as she struggled in his arms. He shushed her. What if Fukuda heard? Mukai was fine….she was fine and she didn't need Fukuda and…and he didn't need Fukuda and…and he had to go. He forgot about knocking on the door. He could forget every single plan and thought that he'd had and now he could get out of here and-
The door was opened.
Suzuki slammed it shut with his powers. He didn't want to deal with….with all his feelings. His emotions. Mukai was laughing, she thought that it was funny. He…he wished that he found something funny in this. He needed to run but…but how could he run without shoes on? He…he needed to move and…and the door was opening and….and he just…he needed….he needed to move or say something or…or…
There was a tiny hand grabbing his eyebrow.
"Caterpillars…here." Said Mukai. There was a laugh as the door opened. Fukuda was there…he had blood all down the front of his sweater. He was wearing that green one again, the one with the big 'H'. He had no idea what that stood for….and he had no idea what he was supposed to say. That he was sorry? That he was…that he was so sorry and…and also that he wasn't sorry. That he didn't worry about…that he didn't….that….that….
Mukai kicked him.
"Fuck-u-da! Ham-hams! Now!" said Mukai as she kicked and tried to get away from him. She kicked and rocked and…and he knew that she was right there in his arms but he could feel her…no….he could feel himself slipping away…not like he was dying but…but he felt so far away. He could see Tadashi and feel his aura and…and the last time that he'd seen him had been on that day….
"Hey Mukai…and Suzuki. What…uh…what brings you here?" asked Fukuda. His voice wavered….he rubbed the back of his head. Nervous…even Suzuki could tell that he was nervous. He…he had no reason to be. Suzuki….Suzuki was the one who had to be nervous! He was the one who instigated…he was the one who had asked to be taken….
Take me.
"Mukai…she cut herself….she's bleeding….she has massive blood loss." Said Suzuki. He took Mukai's hand in his despite her protests and held it up. From this vantage point…with a clearer head…he could see how ridiculous he had been. Fukuda could see it too. He smiled…his aura was bright and warm. Suzuki wanted to crawl inside of his aura and sleep like Fukuda was an electric blanket….he was so handsome, too, when he smiled…
"Where?" laughed Fukuda….his voice was so amazing…he was so amazing. Suzuki…he wanted….he wanted to take Fukuda, push him against the doorframe, or…or be pushed by him. He wanted Tadashi to grab him by the shoulders, shove him against the doorframe so he had nowhere to escape, and kiss him senseless…
Someone kicked him….Mukai kicked him…..
"Owie." Said Mukai. Suzuki snapped right out of it. Right, right, right. This was….he couldn't feel this way…he couldn't think these sorts of thoughts while he was holding his child.
"I see, I see. Well that does look like a serious papercut doesn't it Suzuki-chan…Sagami-chan?" asked Fukuda. He leaned down so he was eye to eye with Mukai. She reached over and attempted to slap him across the face.
"Mukai! Mukai! I'm a Mukai!" said Mukai. She had no idea what a family name even was…she had no idea that she was a Suzuki. She had no idea what it meant to be a Suzuki. To be a Suzuki meant….it meant that the world was her birthright. The world was hers and…and also she had the potential for unfortunate eyebrows and…and an unfortunate sexuality…..so maybe it was good that she didn't know what it meant to be a Suzuki.
It wasn't all world domination after all….
"Right, right, you're Mukai. Well Mukai how about I make that nasty looking papercut all better? Would you like that?" asked Fukuda. He asked in that tone of voice which he always spoke to the children with…well that he used to always use when he spoke to the children. They were older now, much too old for that sort of thing. He was good with them….he always had been. It had always perplexed him why Fukuda hadn't ever married….
Not that he wanted that.
With this new understanding of his sexuality came a new understanding of his life. Specifically why he had always gotten so upset when Fukuda found a girlfriend…and why he'd been ready to kill Fukuda back when they'd been sixteen and he came back from band camp a man. He had thought, before, that it had just been jealous. Having sex with a girl had been his main goal in life at that age, it had been tied with world domination, and of course he would have bitten his best friend, hit him, tried to strangle him, and also…well Suzuki couldn't remember what he had been doing towards the end but there had been a lot of shouting and blood…
Well he may not have known what he had been doing but he knew why he had been doing it.
The thought of Fukuda with a woman…the thought of him having some woman hanging off of him….it makes Suzuki want to kill someone. He doesn't…he doesn't want that…but Tadashi would have made for a good father. If…in another world…if they'd been…if things had been different…if they'd been allowed to be together…or if Suzuki had been born female then….then he…then the two of them could have had….
He stops that train of thought right in it's tracks.
"All better! All better!" shouted Mukai as Fukuda held her hand in his. She was kicking and struggling to get free…he put her down. In the genkan of course since he had neglected to put her shoes or coat on. It was chilly…there was a chill in the air…it was November. When it got this cold then…then it was customary to invite someone inside…especially when they had no shoes on.
"Ham-hams! Here! Over here!" shouted Mukai as she ran riot through Fukuda's home. He didn't notice. He held eye and aural contact with Suzuki…Suzuki broke it first. He had no idea what he was even supposed to…to do right now. Mukai…he had to bring her home….her mother would be worried…but to get her back he would have had to go into the house and…and the house was full of rodents…
The house was full of rodents! It was wonderful!
"So…do you want to come in or….?" Asked Fukuda
"No, your house is full of rodents. Therefore I shall not be entering at this time." Said Suzuki. He had never been more grateful for Sho's fixation with animals than he was at this moment in time. Now he didn't have to go in…he wanted to…he wanted…he wanted Fukuda so badly that he didn't even have the words for it…
But he couldn't have Fukuda because…because rodents were small and evil.
"Alright. I can…uh…watch her until someone comes looking for her." said Fukuda
"That would be good….I am amenable to that." Said Suzuki. Did he leave now? Or did he stay? Why did he even care what was and was not polite? He was Suzuki Touichirou, he could do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to go to bed with Fukuda then…why did his mind go there? Why did he…what was the MATTER with him!?
"That's….good. Anyway, Suzuki, about what happened-" said Fukuda
"Be specific. Many things have happened since you stopped speaking to me." Said Suzuki
"Since…since I stopped speaking to YOU? Touichirou….what? You threw me out and then hid in your room for-" said Fukuda
"I was not hiding. I was….never you mind what I was doing since…since that day. You made no effort to speak to me and-" said Suzuki
"Well, yeah, you threw me out of your office. You kissed me and then-" said Fukuda
"Not so loud!" said Suzuki. The last thing he needed was someone to hear about this. He was Suzuki Touichirou, he could do whatever the hell he wanted…but he did not need this getting back to his children. He had no idea what he would even say to them. That it had taken him this long to figure out that he was bisexual? That he had no idea how he felt about Fukuda? That he…well no, he would not be discussing his sexual or romantic life with his children. That would have been psychologically damaging to all involved.
"Sorry, sorry, I didn't realize that this was one of those things that we were never speaking of again." said Fukuda. That…would have been perfect. The two of them carrying on as they had. These things had happened before. Hormones had gotten the better of Suzuki many times in their lives and…and they had always agreed to put those times behind them. He could do that again now but…but…
But he didn't want to.
This was one of those things that he could not rewind. He could not go backwards. Like when it came to him that his destiny was to be the ruler of the world. This had been one of the defining moments of his life…if he was in the mood to be dramatic. He…he didn't want to go back. He couldn't have gone back even if he had wanted to…
But he didn't want to.
"I…I am not amenable to that….excuse me." Said Suzuki. He wanted….he wanted to see what Fukuda had to say. He wanted…he wanted to know if Fukuda wanted this as much as he did…a crazy thought. Of course he did. Fukuda wanted this as much as Suzuki did….he wanted to take Suzuki as badly as Suzuki wanted to be taken….he wanted to kiss Suzuki as badly as he wanted to be kissed….and he wanted…he wanted to be held as much as Suzuki wanted him to hold him….he wanted to spend the night…to wake up beside him….he wanted the same things that Suzuki wanted….
But Suzuki…he couldn't act on this….he just…he was a coward. He was so afraid to ruin what he had…this fragile, precious thing that he and Fukuda had...
Suzuki was such a coward...and he hated it.