So. That had happened.
A thing had happened. A thing which Mob…was still figuring out. She had done all the things. She had wanted to do all the things and now she had. So they were done. She'd kissed a boy and then they did the thing and now it was done with. She had done the thing with a boy. It was done. She should have been happy.
Not slimy.
She had thought that, when it happened, she would have been the happiest she had ever been in her life. It was two people becoming one, wasn't it? Like in books and on TV and movies. She had read stories where this happened, not the details of it, but just the feelings of it. How happy you were supposed to be when you did all the things with the boy you loved. Did she love Teru? She…she thought she had…but laying here next to him…all sticky and slimy…she wanted…she wanted….
She wanted to get rid of the slimy feeling.
But she couldn't. She was here and this wasn't her house. If she was back at her house then she could have gotten right into the bathtub, well she would have scrubbed off first since sitting in this slimy grossness wouldn't have been good, with her own bath bombs and…and on her own. She wanted…she needed….she needed some space.
But space was hard to come by in this tiny bed…in this tiny apartment.
Teru was laying right beside her. He'd fallen asleep after they had done…all the things. He had rolled over and fallen right asleep. Mob had taken that time to get dressed, putting on clothes hadn't gotten rid of the naked feeling, and then she'd gotten right back into bed with him. She didn't know what else she could have done. She got the feeling that it might have been rude to just leave after they'd done…all of that…and the thought of leaving him made her heart hurt.
But the thought of staying…also made her heart hurt.
She pulled the blanket closer around herself. She wasn't naked. She had been naked but now she wasn't anymore. She had on her clothes and she knew that Teru couldn't see her naked anymore…but he had seen her naked. She hadn't been brave enough to see him naked, she'd kept her eyes closed, but he'd looked at her. Nobody had seen her naked in years, no boy anyway. She had taken a bath with Minegishi at the bathhouse but that was different. They had all the same stuff that Mob had….and also the bathhouse had been nothing like…like what she and Teru had just done.
All the things.
They had done all the things. He had kissed her and touched her and seen her naked and then he did the thing to her thing and now she was slimy and no matter how many things she covered herself with she still felt naked! She wasn't, she knew that she wasn't, and she knew that his eyes were closed but she still felt like…like she was laying down on his bed and he was looking at her and saying how pretty she was and…and…and…
She pulled even more of the blanket over herself…which had been a mistake.
"Teru?" asked Mob as Teru started to stir. She hoped that he was still stoned…but she knew that he probably wasn't. He had been asleep for a while. There wasn't any sun left in the sky at all. Mob had found a light switch but that didn't help. Instead of making her feel better, chasing the dark away, all that did was remind her of the fact that it was as late as it was.
And Sho was still all alone in the world…and she was here. In bed with a naked boy.
"Shigeko?" asked Teru as he came to. So he hadn't dreamt it…it had happened. It had finally happened! He'd finally done it with a girl…and not just any girl but Shigeko. He couldn't think of anyone else he would have wanted to do that with. It was amazing and…and they could do it again. She was wearing clothes again but…but they could do it again…
He leaned over to kiss her. She pulled away.
"I…I need to get up." Said Mob as she sat up. She didn't want to kiss him. She didn't want to touch him. Also she wanted to be near him. Also she did want to kiss him. Also she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Also she didn't. She didn't know what she was feeling…but she knew that it was a lot…and she knew that she felt slimy, that was the one feeling she had a name for, and she knew that she wanted to get rid of this slimy feeling so…so that was what she had to do.
"Why?" asked Teru. That was…he'd been kicked in the chest once, on accident, and it hadn't felt nearly as painful as her just saying that she needed to get up. He was acting like such an idiot. She wasn't going to go…even though it looked like she was…like she was trying to leave him….
"Because I'm all slimy and I want to take a bath." Said Mob simply. There. There was no way he could argue with that.
"We can take a bath! We can totally take a bath. You're lucky, I just went on a Lush run." Said Teru. He sat up and tried to smile. She just wanted to take a bath…well she could do that. He could use a bath too. He was sticky...this bed needed washing too. Both the duvets. Nobody ever mentioned how messy it was….but he could fix it. He could clean up and take a bath and then…and then he didn't know why.
"I-I don't want to use up your bath bombs." Said Mob. She had her own bath bombs. At home. Or at least she thought she did. She didn't know if dad had stolen any more or if Mukai had done that thing where she put them in the toilet or if Mob herself had used them up without realizing it. She must have still had her own…and since she had her own then it would have been rude to use up all of his.
"I don't care. I mean if they're for you then it's…a good use of bath bombs…" said Teru. He reached out with his powers and grabbed his boxers. It was weird being the only one not dressed. It didn't look like she wanted to again…but that was ok. They had time…he had no idea how much time they had before Claw kicked down his door and dragged him away…dragged them away.
She was his now.
She was his girlfriend or…or maybe more than a girlfriend? What was more than a girlfriend? A wife? No, she wasn't his wife…she was…she was more than the girls he went out with. She was more than making out behind the school or in the bushes at the park. She was…well they had done it. They had done it and he…well they called it making love….because he loved her and she loved him. They loved each other….and they were in this together now.
And he was going to save her just like she saved him.
"I…I have my own ones that I like…at my house." Said Mob as she scooted to the end of the bed. She had to go home. She wanted to go home…and she wanted to stay…and she had no idea how she could possibly want both at the same time but here she was. Maybe it was like how sometimes she wanted plain milk and strawberry milk at the same time even though you couldn't add strawberry to just a little bit of milk. It was a liquid. So….was she a liquid then? She felt like it…her heart. Like it was a popsicle she had left out of the freezer…it wasn't a good feeling at all.
"Do you want to run home and get them, I mean before we go." Said Teru. Tokyo…she and her brother hand mentioned Tokyo. That must have been where the main headquarters was then. That was….a dangerous place to be….but they could run from Tokyo. There was the airport and the train port and the boat port…train station and boat station….it wasn't important. What was important was that they could run away together from there and end up anywhere else in the world in a day…just the two of them….forever.
He'd be sure to send Ritsu a postcard and a lengthy apology for the whole sleeping with the enemy and compromising their whole operation…thing.
"G-go?" asked Mob
"You know, go. Away. Together." Said Teru
"W-what?" asked Mob
"Run away with me, Shigeko. We can run away together, leave it all behind. Claw, all of it." Said Teru
"You mean defect?" asked Mob
"You'd be defecting, yes, but don't worry. I'll protect you." Said Teru
"I think that I might be more powerful than you so I'd be the one doing the defecting….but I don't want to do that." Said Mob
"Why the hell not?! You can get out, I can get you out! We can get out-" said Teru
"Why would I want to leave?" asked Mob
"Why would you want to stay? It's Claw! It's an evil organization that-" said Teru
"It's not evil! My dad…he says that world domination takes sacrifice. Sometimes you have to do bad things to get good things in the end…and my dad is trying to do good things. He's trying to make the world a better place. He's going to bring everyone together, espers and normal people, and then we won't have to hide any more. He's going to fix politics and the economy, too. There won't be any more wars or crime or-or anything bad." Said Mob. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Sure sometimes Sho said that dad was evil but Sho hated dad. Sure dad did some bad things but it wasn't like he was evil….or the bad guy. Dad was the good guy. He just didn't know how to do good things without also doing bad things at the same time.
"You can't honestly believe that." Said Teru. He must have still been on the drugs she gave him. She might have still been on the drugs she took. This was…how could she have thought something so…so wrong? Her dad was evil. There was no other way to look at it. Even if he only did a millionth of the terrible stuff that people said he did that still made him a VERY evil person! And…and he was siding with him!?
What the fuck!?
World domination took sacrifice….she had said that. She had said that and….and she believed that. With all of her heart. She actually thought that….she…this was not how this was supposed to go! He had asked her to come with him on the day they met and she…she had said that she wanted to but she couldn't…or something. She had been a kid then, they both had been, but that had been three years ago. They were twelve now, nearly in middle school, nearly adults! She could leave now….they could leave together…
But she didn't want to.
"I do…and so should you. Claw sometimes does bad but things but it's a good place. You should join. I bet that if you joined you could…you could stay with me and my friends. We all live together, well not together in the same house. Sometimes we all have to stay in the same apartment or the same really big house but dad avoids it if he can. You'd stay in the house with them or…or we could have our own house. Together." Said Mob. That had been her dream, her daydream, for years. Having a boyfriend who loved her. Having someone in the group who wanted to kiss her and spend his life with her and….and also do the thing with her that they had just done. She had always wanted that…and with Teru, when she let herself think about him. She could….she could have all of that….all he needed to do was come home with her.
"Shigeko…no. I can't join Claw. I can't be a part of the group that kidnapped me and a lot of other people-" said Teru. What was she even saying!? She couldn't have been serious. Him, in Claw? What? He was just supposed to walk up to the division or whatever and hand himself over to be tortured and brainwashed and-and-and-
"But you won't be kidnapped! You'd be in the upper echelons, the highest echelons. You're a natural esper so you won't have to go to an awakening lab and…and since we're together now you won't have to be reeducated either. You just have to agree with everything that dad says and then…and then you'll be able to stay with me. We can have our own house…well, actually, my dad's going to live with us." Said Mob
"…what?" asked Teru. She…must have still been on drugs. The only appealing thing about that was her. Being with her. He had imagined, so many times before, having a life with her as his girlfriend….her living in this apartment with him…or anywhere, really. Nothing else about that was appealing. Being near her dad, being in Claw, even being in the upper echelons…
Well that was…he had heard things.
Upper echelon members of Claw were rare. Only the most powerful espers made it that far. Once they got there they got power, a lot of it. The world was theirs…or so he had read. He wanted…not like that. If he was going to get money and power then he was going to get it on his own. He wasn't going to become anyone's lackey and he certainly wasn't going to join Claw and get brainwashed into believing all of their craziness. He had heard, read, that they had to worship the President like a God. Like he thought that just because he had psychic powers he was a God. Crazy, he had to be crazy. Sane people didn't believe things like that or….or things like Shigeko believed. That world domination was a good thing….
Who was this girl?
"It's my dream, well kind of mine but mostly dad's, that we have a house together and then he helps me take care of my family and stuff. I think it's a nice dream. I mean dad can be kind of mean a lot of the time but…but it's our dream together and it's a good one, too. If he's with me then he won't be around Sho anymore so then Sho can be happy. That's Sho's dream, to be away from dad, and my dream is for everyone that I know to be happy." Said Mob. She would have thought that Teru would have been happy. Now she had a way for them to both be together. Sure he would have to come with her but it wasn't like he lived here with his family or anything. They had left him all alone. Well she and the others would never leave him alone. He'd have a new family and new friends and everything would be new but in a good way. Sure it would take a while for him to get used to dad, and dad wouldn't be happy that she had a boyfriend, and also…well Minegishi had said before that she wasn't supposed to just add people to the group without asking everyone first…but this was different. This was love.
Right?
"…my dream is to play football…sorry, soccer, for Japan in the Olympics." Said Teru. He had a plan for his life….dreams…and none of them involved joining Claw. All of them involved taking Claw down. Taking them so far down that they all went to hell and then he could live his life. He could take them down while he was on the run with her…but not…not if he was in Claw….with her. He wanted to be with her…at least he thought that he'd wanted that….
"You could do that and be in Claw. My dad would probably be able to pay them to let you play or make them…or he could just have all the countries in the world have an Olympics just for you." Said Mob
"I want to get in on my own and….and I don't want….why would I want that?!" said Teru
"You just said that you wanted to be in the Olympics." Said Mob. Now she was confused…but she was always confused when it came to things like this. Talking to people. Understanding them and being understood. She didn't understand him now, not at all. She had just promised him everything he had always wanted, everything that he said that he had always wanted, but now…now he didn't want it? Why? What was the matter with him? And…and what was the matter with her? Why did it feel like her heart was trying to crawl out of her chest? Why…why did it hurt when he looked at her? When she…when she looked at him….
"I know what I said. Why would I want anything from your dad? Your dad…he's a bad person…he's the bad guy here and I can't believe that you can't see that." Said Teru. She wasn't supposed to be like this…why was she like this? Why was she doing this to him? She was….this wasn't her. This wasn't the Shigeko that he knew….that he thought he knew….
"My dad isn't a bad guy. My dad…he can be mean…but he's not a bad guy. He's trying to make the world a better place." Said Mob
"By kidnapping kids? Kids who are just-just minding their own business. Kids who have…who had…kids with families and lives?! You think that's a good thing?" asked Teru
"I think that my dad makes mistakes sometimes, and sometimes he can be really mean, but he's doing all the things he does for a good reason…and I don't know why you won't just join Claw. I can get you into the upper echelons with me. You won't have to go to school anymore and you can travel the whole world…well we're mostly just staying in Tokyo right now but we're going to Norway, my dad said, because I like Norway and we'll see Santa while we're there-" said Mob
"Finland." Said Teru
"We can go there too if you want." Said Mob. Well this was good. That meant that he was coming with. She didn't exactly get to pick where they went but…but she knew how to order a plane. She knew where the money was. She wasn't Mukai, she was twelve and not two, she could go places and do things….she could go any place Teru wanted to go and do anything that he wanted to do…even…even that thing, again, maybe…but not now!
"No, I mean Santa Claus lives in Finland…Rovaniemi. My parents used to take me there when I was really little. My mother….Mutter…she hates the cold but she still…" said Teru
"We can go there together, you with my family. You already know Sho…he's a lot nicer when he's not mad, and you can meet my little sister too. She's been kind of…wild…lately but she's very nice. You can meet my friends, too. They're really nice…well Shimazaki can be mean to people but he's nice. He likes me, though, so maybe he won't be nice to you…and Minegishi isn't always so nice to people either….but Shibata is very nice! He'll probably make you a sweater that's way too big but that's how he shows his love. Hatori is nice too but don't scare him, he likes to run and hide…and also don't play videogames with him unless you want to see him mad. Tsuchiya gets mad too but it's a quiet sort of mad so she's ok. Serizawa doesn't get mad but he loses control of his powers really easily so be careful. There's Fukuda, too, but he's not my-" said Mob
"I don't want to go with your family, I want to go with my family!" said Teru
"But…how could you go with your family if you're in Claw?" asked Mob
"Exactly! I can't! I had…I had to leave everything behind because of Claw and after all of that you want me to join!?" shouted Teru
"Why are you yelling?" asked Mob
"Because this…this….this isn't how you're supposed to be!" said Teru
"How am I supposed to be, then? I can't be anyone other than myself but I guess that I can try." Said Mob
"You weren't supposed to be…you were supposed to run away with me! I was supposed to save you. I was supposed to save you from your evil dad and the evil organization-" said Teru
"My dad is NOT evil and neither is Claw!" said Mob. She shouldn't have yelled but she did. Teru was…he was being really mean. There was nothing evil about Claw. Evil was things like people who set fire to people's houses and killed people's pets and poisoned Halloween candy. Sure Claw did bad things but it wasn't an evil place…and her dad was not evil! Dad may have been mean, even a jerk sometimes, but he wasn't an evil person! Everything that dad had done he'd done for her and…and for espers everywhere. An evil person wouldn't have wanted to hurt people. An evil person would have…an evil person would have used his powers to take over the world for selfish reasons, not to help bring people together and to stop all the problem in the world.
"Yes it is! You….you saved me. You were supposed to be different. I've been waiting for…for years to see you again and…and you're here and…and you're THIS." said Teru
"What am I?" asked Mob. She didn't think that she was anyone other than who she had always been...but Teru was mad at her…why was he mad?! They were together now and they had done all the things and…and you couldn't be mad at someone after they had done all the things with you. That wasn't how this worked. Once you did all the things then…then you were in love. Forever.
"You…you do drugs. I never thought….you do drugs and you're…you WANT to be in Claw and…and you agree with everything your dad does. He's trying to take over the world and you want….you want to be a part of that." Said Teru
"Of course I do." Said Mob
"If you wanted all of this then why did you save me in the first place?! Why are you even here? Why did you even…why did we even….was this just a plan or whatever to get me to join Claw? Did you only sleep with me to get me to-" said Teru. Was this like that movie with the Russian spy lady who slept with the American spy to get him on her side? Was this like a…what as it? A sticky trap? Was this a sticky trap? Was he being sticky trapped? She was the one who wanted to do it….she was the one who had brought it up…he had just been happy to make out with her and maybe feel her up and finger her, too, since that usually came after making out and feeling a girl up for a while….she was the one who had wanted to do it….and….and….
"I slept with you because I like you! I like you a lot and…and why else would I do that?! It was weird and awkward and…and slimy…it's so slimy!" said Mob. She didn't know why people did that for fun. Minori had told her all about how there were apps that you could put on your phone just to find people to do all the things with. Supposedly it felt good…but that might have just been one of those things that only happened in stories. It had been hot and awkward and slimy. Teru weighed a lot and he'd laid on top of her and the stabbing with his….it had been weird and then…and then this had happened and now she was slimy and she felt gross…but it had been for love. He loved her and she loved him….right? Otherwise they wouldn't have done that….right?
"…no it wasn't. That was…that was the best thing that I've ever felt in my life." Said Teru. How could…how could she have even THOUGHT THAT?! It had been the best thing ever and…and he knew that she came too! And at least twice! He remembered what happened. She'd pulled him over and screaming his name and…and….and he'd done it right!
"Well it was the grossest thing I've ever felt in mine and…and I wouldn't do something like that with you just to get you to join Claw. I'd do something like that with you because I like you. I like you a lot and I want to be with you and if you just come with me then…then we can be together forever." Said Mob. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. This wasn't how anything was supposed to go!
"….I can't do that." Said Teru. Together forever….in Claw….with her? No. He had wanted…for so long he had wanted to be with her but…but not like this.
"Yes you can. You can just pack up and-" said Mob
"No, I mean I can't because…because I don't want that. I don't want to join Claw and…and I don't know why you won't leave. I thought…I mean I know, now that Claw knows where I live, that I was going to have to go into hiding…but I thought that we could do that together….but now we can't. Because you won't leave with me…you won't leave…" said Teru
"But…but this way you don't have to hide and….and even if you won't come with me then…then I can tell people to leave you alone…I can tell everyone in asset gathering to leave you and…and all your friends and…and everyone else you want….just…I can…" said Mob
"You could do that the WHOLE time?! Then why in the hell did I have to leave everything behind, again, and-" said Teru
"I don't know if I can but….but I can try and I can…I have a lot of power and the power I don't have I can ask my dad for or…or I can take it, I guess. Dad says that if there's something in this world that you want then you should take it for yourself instead of waiting for people to give it to you." Said Mob
"I am sick and tired of hearing what your dad has to say!" said Teru
"I-I'm tired of being yelled at!" said Mob
"Then go!" said Teru. He pointed to the door just in case she couldn't see it past all of her own bullshit. She wanted to go so badly, she was so tired of this, then she could go. She could get up and just…just go! She could go and leave him alone!
"….what?" asked Mob. He was pointing at the door like….like he wanted her to leave…and that was what she had wanted to. She had wanted to go back him but…but not like this. Not with him yelling at her and making her leave. She had wanted….well she didn't even know anymore. She wanted someone to just…to tell her that it was all going to be ok…and to invent a time machine, too, so she could stop herself from coming back here with him and…and from doing…all of the things…with him..
"Just…just go, Shigeko. You aren't the person I thought you were." Said Teru. He felt…it felt worse than anything he had ever felt in his life. Worse, even, than that time when he'd been nine. He'd been playing in the park with some other kids and then the next thing he knew he was being carried off and…and it was like the world had betrayed him. One minute the world had been bright and fun and…and he knew that he'd be ok and then…and then the world showed him all the terrible stuff that could happen to him. It was like that but worse.
Her betrayal…was worse than the entire world's.
She was supposed to be there for him. She had been the one to save him. She had saved him and he…he knew how this was supposed to go. The villain's daughter saved the main character but couldn't come with because she was afraid of her evil dad. The main character went off and trained until he was strong enough to save her. Then he saved her and they lived happily ever after or whatever. That was how the story ended. The villain's daughter didn't turn out to be a villain herself…she didn't turn out to be just as bad as her father…
But this was real life.
"But I…I…I'll go…but I'll still keep you safe. I'll do whatever I can to keep you safe….I'll never stop trying to keep you safe." Said Mob. She didn't know exactly what she would do but she knew that she would do it. She'd do it for him…who else would she do it for? She'd do whatever she could for him…she'd be there for him. She'd…she do anything for him….even though he was betraying her. He was making her leave and…and never come back…and he'd yelled at her. Even dad had never once yelled at mom and dad was a jerk. Mob…she didn't want…she still felt slimy…she felt slimy because of him…
She was feeling all of these feelings because of him.
"Just….please, go." said Teru. He pulled the duvet from her and wrapped it around himself. She stared at him for a second before she figured out that he was serious. He couldn't understand….her. Anything. How he could have been so wrong about a person and….and how much it hurt to be wrong. She had…she had used him and lied to him and…and….and at least he did it. If he looked at it like…like that then…then it was a hell of a lot easier. At least he did it. At least he knew what it was like, what it felt like. Sure he had to learn what it was like to get his heart broken in the process but…but at least he knew what it was like to do it with a girl.
So not a total loss…even though he and Ritsu were compromised now.
"I don't know…ok." Said Mob as she got out of bed. She still felt slimy…on the inside and the outside. She had wanted to go home and now she had what she wanted….but she wanted…she didn't know what she wanted. To stay with him? For him to come with her? For none of this to ever happen? She didn't even know. What she did know, however, was that she needed to leave. She had been so selfish…she had left Sho all alone…she had to go to him. He said that he was headed back to the Castle and…and so was she. Back to Castle…far away from this place and what she had done.
Far away from what had happened.