Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 38: Kali Belladonna, or: Cat Scratch Fever
Against all odds, the battle for Haven had been successful. Salem's forces had been driven off, as had the White Fang. For the first time since Beacon, Jaune felt as though he had actually been on the winning side. No matter how he turned the situation over in his mind, he simply couldn't see an angle from which this could be construed as a win for Salem and her followers.
Of course, all of that just begged the question of what to do afterwards, now that Haven had been successfully defended and they had managed to ward off a second Fall of Beacon. For a short period of time, they hadn't known what to do.
In retrospect, the answer should have been obvious. After all, they had managed to achieve victory and reunite with their comrades at the exact same time. In that situation, there was really only one thing to do.
"Who's up for a kegstand?!" Yang called out, earning a cheer from the crowd around her.
And that was to throw a huge party, with tons of alcohol and debauchery.
Really, Jaune wasn't sure what he had expected – this was the perfect way to blow off all the accumulated steam they had all been building up since the fall of Beacon. Sure, there had been some of them that had been staunchly opposed, namely Weiss and Blake for obvious reasons, but that had lasted about as long as it had taken them to actually be pressured into a drink or two… or so he assumed. He wasn't quite sure what had happened with the two of them, but at some point they had gone from sitting on the sidelines and verbally sniping at all the partygoers to furiously making out with each other in their underwear while Ruby threw lien cards on them and filmed it with her scroll.
Jaune, meanwhile, had resigned himself to sitting on the sidelines and nursing a mixed drink of some kind – probably his third or fourth so far – because this wasn't really his scene. Sure, Ren and Nora had tried to convince him to put the moves on one of those sexy Faunus girls that Blake and Sun had brought with them, because apparently a few of them had been giving him bedroom eyes all night long, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually do it, no matter how appealing it was. For some reason, whenever he thought of trying to get laid, all he could think of was Pyrrha.
"Lien for your thoughts."
The voice took him by surprise, and he jumped a bit before turning around, relaxing at who it was. "Oh! Sorry, Miss Belladonna – I wasn't expecting you."
Kali met his gaze, giving him a slight giggle. "My, my. To think you could be so bold when fighting against the White Fang, yet so easily taken by surprise by an older woman such as me."
"Older woman?" Jaune shook his head. "Honestly, you look good, Miss Belladonna."
"Oh, call me Kali, dear. There's no need for formalities between us. Not when Blake likes you so much."
That was more than a little confusing, because last Jaune checked, he hadn't said more than a few words to Blake since she had shown up at Haven with an army of Faunus at her side. Even before that, the two of them hadn't exactly been close.
Actually, now that I think about it, was I ever really close to anyone from Team RWBY besides Ruby? Hell, was anyone on my team even close to anyone from Team RWBY besides Ruby?
He must have been really lost in his thoughts, because Kali suddenly sighed and leaned forward, resting her arms on the table in front of him and, in the process, giving him a look straight down her hakama. He froze, his face flushing red as he turned away.
"Something wrong?" Kali asked.
"N-nothing, Miss Bella- er, Kali. Nothing at all, just… um… lost in my thoughts a bit, I suppose."
"Oh? Do tell. Surely there must be a reason why a fine young man such as yourself is sitting on the sidelines rather than out trying to woo some lucky young maiden." She cast a glance out over the crowd. "Why, even my Blake is currently tongue-deep in her friend's mouth. I can't say it's quite what I expected, but I support her all the same."
"Didn't expect her to pick a Schnee?"
"Among other things. Perhaps that's the alcohol talking. I always figured she had a thing for blondes, given how she seemed to attract them like flies to honey."
"Give it time; I'm sure at some point Yang will get tired of just knocking back drinks all night and go after her."
Kali gave him a glance out of the corner of her eye. "I wasn't talking about Yang."
Jaune paused. It took him a moment before he understood what Kali was getting at, and when he did, his face once again flushed red, and he was forced to clear his throat. "Oh. I, uh, wasn't aware that Blake liked me in that way."
"Oh, to be young again. Blake likes loyal men, you know. She appreciates what you've done for her."
Well, she had him and lost him. Then again, he could tell just from looking at her that he wasn't the only one out of the two of them who'd had a bit too much to drink. He was about to ask what she meant before she began to speak once more.
"Of course, perhaps that's just me not understanding her as well as I thought I did," Kali mused. "I thought for sure she would have been all over you as soon as she got some liquid courage in her. Shows how much I know about my own daughter."
"Don't say that!" Jaune admonished, taking her by surprise. "Kali, I don't know you all that well, but I know enough to be certain that you're a fantastic mother."
Kali blinked, then looked away, ashamed. "…I appreciate what you're trying to do, but a good mother would have never alienated her daughter to the point where she felt compelled to run away."
"And a bad mother would have chased after her when she did to try and force her to come home. You didn't do that – you saw that she wanted nothing more than her freedom, and you gave it to her. You did exactly what she wanted you to. Sure, it didn't work out, but that's entirely on Adam Taurus, not either one of you. And then when Blake came back looking for your forgiveness, you gave it to her, no questions asked. Really, you should be proud of how you raised her – a lesser person would have continued to follow Taurus purely out of fear, but Blake was strong enough to break free when she had to. That's a sign of good parenting, in my eyes."
"...She gets it from her father."
"No offense to Ghira, Gods rest his soul, but from what Blake told me, he died when she was little. That means that everything that's good about Blake, it mainly comes from you. He'd be proud of both of you, you know."
Kali sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe at her eyes. "...Thank you," she managed to choke out.
Jaune flashed her a small smile. "Hey, it's the least I could do. I owe you for bringing the Faunus over to hold off the White Fang while we fought Cinder and her cronies."
Kali fell silent, again looking out across the room as Jaune did the same. True to his prediction, Yang had apparently gotten bored of drinking alcohol and marched over to where Weiss and Blake were, just as Weiss started fiddling with Blake's bra. She exchanged some words with them – what they were, Jaune had no way of knowing – before abruptly picking them both up and disappearing into a back room, closing the door behind her. Next to him, Kali chuckled, causing him to raise an eyebrow.
"What's funny?"
"I can hear everything with these ears of mine, you know," Kali said. "That had to be the worst pick-up lines I've ever heard."
"That's Yang for you, I guess. I'm afraid to ask what it was."
"Something about Bee's Schnees. I suppose it doesn't-" She paused, her ears twitching. "...Ah. Someone just put on some music in that room. Well, if nothing else, I suppose I should be happy that my daughter is all grown up."
On a certain level, Jaune sympathized – he still remembered the day when Saphron first brought a girl home. They hadn't done anything aside from hold hands and hang out, but his mother had still had a bit of a crisis of faith, seeing one of her oldest daughters suddenly be old enough to start bringing girls home. It had been a happy time for her, no doubt, but he knew it had also been tough for her to come face-to-face with the fact that her children weren't going to stay young forever.
"I'm sorry," he said, getting her attention. "It must be hard on you, having just gotten her back, yet knowing she isn't going to stay for long."
"I'm okay, dear," Kali assured. "Blake's a big girl; she can take care of herself. Besides, they all have to leave the nest at some point."
"I know, but that just means someone has to take care of you."
Again, Kali fell silent, looking back out across the room at nothing in particular. After a few seconds, she spoke again.
"You never answered my question," she reminded him. "About why you're alone, that is."
"...Yeah," Jaune conceded. "I suppose I didn't." He shrugged. "There's not a big reason, anyway."
"I've seen a few of the girls from Menagerie eyeing you up. Not everyone from there is so rabidly anti-human, you know," Kali said playfully. "In fact, many of the people there actually have a preference for humans, the same way many humans have a preference for Faunus."
"I know, but… there's something holding me back."
"Another girl, perhaps?"
"Of sorts." Again, he shrugged. "I'm not sure why. We never shared anything more intimate than a kiss, and even then, only once, for a few seconds before she went off to fight someone she had no business fighting. That was the last time I saw her."
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"Don't be; it's not your fault." Jaune sighed. "I don't know why I'm so hung up on her, really. She was a good friend, sure… but that was all she ever was to me. Maybe it's because it took me so much time to realize she was interested in me as more than that, or maybe it's because she only really got a chance to show it right before she died, or maybe it's something else entirely. I don't know. And something about that bothers me."
"You're haunted by what could have been. It's something I'm familiar with." Kali picked herself up off the railing and moved closer to him, close enough to rest a hand on his shoulder. "Ghira was my first love, you know. I thought we'd be together forever. Of course, the cruel part of marriage is that one of you has to die first, and in our case, it was him, and at a fairly young age. Over the years, I've tried to move on – tried to find someone to fill the void, but I've just never been ready. There's always been something holding me back. I suppose you and I aren't so different, in that regard."
"...I suppose not," Jaune said. "Do you think either of us will ever truly move on?"
"I don't know for sure," Kali admitted. "But for the first time in a decade, I think I'm finally willing to try."
Before Jaune could do anything, she cupped his chin and turned his face towards her, then pressed her lips against his. He was surprised at first, his eyes widening and his grip on his drink loosening to the point that he must have dumped half the glass on the ground by accident, but after a few seconds, he lost himself to the kiss. Bringing his free hand up, he rested it against the back of Kali's nest and leaned into the kiss, reciprocating with everything he had.
It didn't last long – just a few seconds in total. But it was everything Pyrrha's kiss had been, though with just enough of a difference to make him feel desire rather than loss. Gone was the surprise, and the fear, and the trepidation – they had all been replaced with desire.
The two of them pulled away from each other, both of them staring into the other's eyes. Jaune wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light or the alcohol pulsing through his veins, but he could have sworn he saw Kali's gaze turn predatory as she looked at him.
"I'm tired of being alone," Kali declared. "If you'll have me, I'd like to change that. Even if just for a night."
Jaune wasn't sure how to respond – the right words just wouldn't come to him. Instead, he swallowed nervously, then nodded. Kali's grin widened.
"Excellent. Let's make it a night to remember, Sun."
...Wait, Sun?
That was as far as his brain got before Kali whisked him away to one of Haven's many unoccupied dorm rooms for the night.
When Jaune awoke the next morning, it was to the worst headache he'd ever had. Groaning, he brought one hand up to clutch at his forehead, his other floundering around, searching for something he could use to push himself up into a seated position.
It landed on something that was decidedly not a pillow, which was only reinforced when a small groan greeted his ears.
All thoughts of his own discomfort gone, Jaune instantly sat up, his eyes going wide. He looked around, taking in everything around him. He was in a bed, completely naked, somewhere in Haven. Not only that, but there was someone else in bed with him. Any excitement he may have had about finally cashing in his v-card was instantly buried under an intense feeling of apprehension, not to mention regret at the fact that he couldn't actually remember anything from the previous night. Swallowing his fear, he reached over and took hold of the covers that the other person had pulled over their head, then gently pulled them down.
As soon as he saw the cat ears, he said the only thing that felt appropriate to say in this situation.
"Shit..."
Right there next to him was Kali Belladonna, equally as naked. The two stared at each other, both of them blinking before Kali brought her hands up to cover her bare chest.
"Jaune," she began. "Did we-"
"I… think we did," he said, cautious. "I can't remember any of it, though. Can you?"
"Bits and pieces," she admitted. "Enough to know that neither of us did anything too bad."
"I slept with the mother of one of my friends. How is that not too bad?"
"...Okay, yes, that's quite awkward. I can imagine that Blake won't take it well at all. But before you freak out, let's try to look at the positives."
"Like what?"
"For one, I remember enough to know that I had a great time last night."
Jaune paused, surprised. Slowly, a luminescent blush began to creep across his face. Kali smirked at him.
"Are you shocked to hear that?"
"A little," he admitted. "I mean, you were my first-"
"And you were mine, at least as far as the last ten years were concerned. Trust me, compared to my fingers and toys, you were perfect."
His blush intensified, and he drew the sheets around himself to cover a certain part of his anatomy that was becoming very uncomfortable to deal with at the moment. "...How much do you remember, exactly?" he asked. "I can remember you coming over to talk with me, but I can't remember what we said, or anything that happened between then and now."
"Being completely honest, I made a bit of a mistake," Kali admitted. "I was actually looking for Sun, not you."
"Sun?"
"Are you surprised? He's a handsome, charming young man. Unfortunately, I don't think he had eyes for anyone but Blake – I did try flirting with him a bit in the past, but it all went right over his head."
"So you and him never-"
"No, Jaune. Sun and I never had anything, or at least we never had anything more than me finding him charming and thinking he'd make a good partner for a night or two. I wanted to change that, hence why I drank so much last night – I was hoping it'd give me the courage to be more direct, but I suppose I had a bit too much and mistook you for him."
Jaune breathed a sigh of relief at that, satisfied with the knowledge that Kali hadn't cheated on anyone for him.
"So, what happens now?" Jaune asked. "If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like the best thing to do is to just… well, pretend this never happened, I guess."
Kali frowned. "Do you think that little of me, Jaune?"
"I'm sorry?"
"I told you, I had a great time last night. You may not think it, but you're every bit as charming as Sun. In a different way, of course – more reserved, less bombastic and self-confident – but you have quite the way with words… and, I must say, you're quite skilled with your tongue as well."
Jaune's blush returned as Kali gave him a mischievous grin. "Y-yes, well… be that as it may, it sounds like you're still interested in Sun-"
"I was," Kali said, nodding. "But I think there's someone else I might like to get to know instead, now."
"...Are you sure?" Jaune asked. "Because I'm me, and Sun is Sun."
"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Jaune. You're a great guy. And while this may not have been the most normal way of getting to know you, I'm glad it worked out this way. Are you?"
"...I'm just nervous, is all," he said, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head. "I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to romance, and I can't remember a thing from last night. I just don't want to risk messing anything up."
"Then we'll take it slow," Kali offered. "I don't mean to push you into something you aren't ready for, but it seems to me like you're overthinking this. I like you, Jaune. Do you like me?"
Well, that was a question and a half. Truthfully, Jaune had never really looked at Kali in that way. She was an attractive woman, there was no doubt about that, but she was also the mother of one of his friends, and someone he didn't know all that well on a personal level.
...But she was also incredibly lonely and eager to jump into a relationship with him, and the only person in his entire life to ever show the same kind of interest in him was Pyrrha, who was gone except for that small amount of her dust he had accidentally inhaled while retrieving the metal from her armor. But that was neither here nor there.
The point was, it didn't take him long to think up an answer to her question.
"...Alright, I'll give it a shot."
Kali relaxed. "That's all I want," she said. "Now, I suppose there's one big hurdle we're going to have to clear before we do anything, unfortunately."
"What is it?"
"Breaking the news to Blake, because I know she won't take it well."
Oh, right – the big Goliath in the room.
"...Maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will be?" Jaune offered, hopeful. "You never know – maybe she'll be happy that you're finally back on the dating scene after so long."
Kali just stared at him.
After they had both gotten dressed, the two of them had crept out of their room, looking for Haven's common area. That was where the brunt of the partying had taken place, and given that the majority of the partygoers had been Kali's people, she had felt it necessary to take stock of the situation and assess the damage.
And what damage it was. The room had been completely trashed, with all the furniture having been overturned and most of the wallpaper stripped off. The floor was littered with empty bottles of booze, as well as the remnants of spilled drinks. Passed-out partiers were strewn over the area, some of them lying in puddles of their own vomit. And in the center of it all were Jaune's friends, sitting at the one intact table in the entire room, all of them save for Yang looking either sickly or disappointed.
Deciding to get this over with, Jaune began to move over to them, Kali following behind him. None of them bothered to look his way as he approached, prompting him to clear his throat.
"Hey, guys," he said as he took a seat at the table.
A few of them groaned in response, but none of them said anything, causing him to frown. "I assume you've all got it bad, then?"
"Could you talk a little more quietly?" Weiss begged. "It feels like Nora is pounding on my brain with her hammer."
"If only I actually got to do any kind of pounding last night..." Nora grumbled, crossing her arms.
"Do I want to know what happened?" Jaune asked, cautious.
Ren sighed. "Nora and I had a bit too much to drink, same as everyone else. We decided to have some alone time, so to speak. At least, we tried to, until it turned out that Nora had consumed one too many super-sugary mixed drinks and had to be rushed to the nearest hospital for hyperglycemia."
"I didn't know she was diabetic."
"She isn't, she just drank that much sugar. Still, diabetes or not, having to spend a night getting insulin pumped into your body tends to be a mood-killer. We were going to do it once she got released from the hospital, but now we're too hungover, so instead we're both stuck here with blue balls and no way to fix it."
"Sucks, man."
"I fucking wish."
"How about the rest of you?" Jaune asked. "I know what happened to Weiss, Blake, and Yang, at least."
"Damn right you do," Yang said, proud. "Gimme five, home boy."
"Please don't," Blake whined. "My ears can't take the noise."
"Fist bump, then. Anything to commemorate the occasion."
"The sex itself wasn't enough?" Jaune asked.
"Dude, just throw me a bone here. Just not, you know, your bone, because I'm kind of taken now."
They bumped fists once before Yang leaned back in her chair, kicking her feet up onto the table and folding her legs behind her head, then letting out a content sigh. "Yup. Life is good."
"I'm surprised you're not hungover," Jaune commented.
"Bro, you kidding? I'm a natural partier. This is basically my average Saturday back in Vale, minus the getting laid part – sure, I've been around the block a few times, but I'm not as easy as people think I am. It takes someone who's extra fine for me to take notice."
"I'm surprised Weiss fits the bill."
"Excuse me?" Weiss asked, raising her head enough to glare at him. "If I wasn't hungover, you'd be an icicle right now."
"What can I say, except that like I them feisty," Yang remarked. "Anyway, I somehow doubt that this is going to be anything more than a one-time thing between me and her, so I took my chance to take her for a spin. And I gotta admit, it was a good time all around. Solid eight out of ten."
Weiss gave her the middle finger, and Yang chuckled. "See, that'd be a lot more effective if I didn't know exactly where that finger's been."
"Fuck you, Xiao Long."
"Any time, babe."
Jaune shook his head before looking over to Ruby. "What about you, Ruby? How was your night?"
Ruby fidgeted, uncomfortable. "...Can we change the subject?"
"Why? You didn't do anything embarrassing, did you?"
"Nah, she just lost her v-card," Yang said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Ah, they grow up so fast. I'm proud of her."
"Yang!" Ruby protested.
"What? Weiss lost hers last night, too. It's nothing to be ashamed about."
"Yeah, but-"
"Oh, screw it." Yang looked back to him. "Ruby ended up hooking up with that chameleon girl."
"Ilia?" Blake asked, surprised. "You hooked up with Ilia, Ruby?"
"...Yeah," Ruby admitted.
"Why do you sound so apprehensive about this? It's not like it's anything to be ashamed of."
"It kind of is, the way it started. No matter who you are, it's kind of embarrassing to admit you fell for the pick-up line 'Ay baby, you want some fuck?'"
Yang chuckled. "Really, Rubes? That's what got you?"
"I said it was embarrassing." Ruby crossed her arms. "Anyway, Ilia was nice."
"I'll bet. Of course, it helps that she's a huge dork, too."
"We're all dorks here," Ren offered. "Let's just get that out of the way."
"You all, maybe. I'm a party animal."
"Can you all hurry up and stop talking about how you got laid already?" Oscar asked. "It's becoming unbearable."
"Someone's pissed," Yang noted.
"Why would he be pissed?" Jaune questioned.
"Because Ozpin cockblocked me, that's why!" Oscar lamented. "I had like three hot Faunus girls all over me last night, all eager for some loving, and what happens the instant I head into the back room with them? Ozpin assumes direct control and throws me out the nearest window! And all he had to say when I called him out is 'Young Oscar, you cannot allow yourself to fall victim to the charms of women. They look hot, but you never know when they're going to try and destroy the world. Remember that you can never truly trust something that can bleed for a week and not die from it.'"
"Harsh, man."
"Speaking of harsh," Yang said, "how was your night with Kali, Jaune?"
Jaune instantly paled, then turned to her. "W-what do you mean, Yang? Heh, nothing happened between-"
"Dude, I'm pretty sure the entire campus heard you two going at it. I mean, unless you're Blake, because she was passed out due to a combination of alcohol and post-orgasm bliss. Let it be known that I'm nothing if not a generous lover." Yang paused. "...Oh, I guess that means she didn't know about you two. Uh, sorry, bro. No hard feelings though, right?"
Jaune never got a chance to respond before he felt a wave of killing intent wash over him from the other side of the table, which was saying a lot because he was pretty sure that killing intent wasn't a thing on Remnant. He swallowed, then slowly turned towards the source, shrinking back when he found Blake glaring at him.
"So," Blake said. "You slept with my mother. How was she, Jaune?"
"...I plead the Fifth," Jaune stated.
"What's the Fifth?" Ruby asked aloud, though nobody replied to her.
Slowly, Blake rose to her feet, cracking her knuckles as she did so. Her aura was radiating off her in waves, casting a thin purple sheen over her entire body. Again, Jaune swallowed nervously, knowing his time was up.
"You know," Blake began, "of all the people I thought I would have to keep away from my mom, I never thought it'd be you, Jaune. I thought I could trust you. But I can see now that I was wrong."
Next to him, Kali sighed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, calm down, Blake. You're scaring him."
"Good. It's what he deserves."
"Blake, please. You're embarrassing yourself. Now sit down, or will I have to bend you over my knee?"
"Hot," Yang commented, only for Weiss to elbow her in the ribs.
Blake stared at her mother before begrudgingly sitting down. Jaune exhaled, happy that he had managed to escape death for the moment. He cleared his throat, then stood up.
"I'm just gonna-"
Before he could take a single step away from the table, Kali reached over, grabbed him by the shoulder, and gently pushed him back down into his seat. "Stay. We have things to discuss."
Jaune did as he was told, settling back into his seat. Blake continued glaring at him, causing Kali to shake her head.
"Really, Blake? I finally get back on the scene, and this is how you act?"
"How am I supposed to act?" Blake questioned. "He slept with you."
"I know. It's kind of what I wanted. Or am I not allowed to have some fun anymore?"
"Not when it's with one of my former friends!"
"Ooh, it's getting spicy," Yang said, earning another elbow from Weiss. "Ow! Would you stop?"
"I thought you liked me feisty," Weiss replied.
"I don't when you're hitting me in the ribs!"
"Can you all shut up while I talk to my mom?" Blake asked, causing Yang to raise her arms in surrender. Satisfied, Blake turned back to her mother. "Look, all I'm saying is that I'd be a lot happier if the man you were dating wasn't a friend of mine… and also wasn't less than half your age."
"Oh, so now my age is a problem, is it?" Kali asked, putting a hand on her hip. "Jaune doesn't seem to mind that I'm an old lady."
"I never said you were an old lady, and Jaune's tastes in women are complicated. He basically had a smoking hot, super-fit redhead all over him back at Beacon, yet for some reason all he did was chase after a cutting board."
"Uh, excuse you?" Weiss interrupted. "For a cutting board, you didn't seem to mind me last night."
"We all do things we regret, Weiss."
"Is that what we're calling it now? Regret, I mean. Because you were pretty into it when I started doing that thing with my tongue."
"It was the alcohol, I swear. I'm not actually that much of a degenerate."
"Could've fooled me. By the way, don't bother asking for round two any time soon – if this is your idea of aftercare, I want nothing to do with it."
"Ah, fuck..." Yang lamented. "Blake, why do you have to ruin everything?"
"Don't act like you care that much," Blake chastised. "We all know you only like Weiss for her body."
"Guilty as charged. Flat is justice."
Weiss elbowed her in the ribs again.
Across the table, Kali sighed, shaking her head. "Look, as long as I'm happy, there really shouldn't be a problem."
"And there wouldn't be, provided you dated anyone but Jaune. Frankly, I'm surprised you even went with Jaune. I thought you would have gone with Sun, given how hard you were dropping hints to him."
Kali said nothing, and Jaune coughed into his fist. Blake raised an eyebrow, then looked over to her mother. "Mom, tell me this didn't start the way I think it did."
"...In my defense, I have no regrets," Kali answered.
"Good Gods, my mom is a drunken degenerate..."
Jaune shook his head. "Blake, give it a rest. You're not going to change her mind."
"Shut it, you literal motherfucker."
"I'm just telling it like it is. We're both pretty happy to see where this thing goes, and we'd appreciate you showing a little support."
"I mean, you do kind of owe your mom some support here," Weiss pointed out. "Given that she has every right to disown you after what you did."
"I've put the White Fang far behind me," Blake stated.
"I know, but I wasn't talking about the White Fang. You may not remember last night that much, but I do, and let's just say that a lot of it was too hot for TV."
Blake hesitated before sighing. "...Fine. I can see where this is going to go. I suppose it would be fair."
Kali relaxed. "Thank you, Blake."
"But I have some conditions," Blake insisted. "Just… give me some time to get used to it before you start doing anything in front of me, would you? I'd like to be able to inoculate myself to the idea of my own mother being dicked down by one of my friends before actually seeing you two make out or something."
"I think we can arrange something," Kali said.
For some reason, Jaune felt a chill go down his spine when she said that.
It was a few hours later when Jaune and Kali made it back to Kali's room. After sitting down and talking with Blake, they had decided to treat themselves to a hearty breakfast, as well as plenty of coffee to try and deal with their hangovers. Coupled with their aura, and Jaune felt like a million lien, helped along by the fact that Kali had insisted on holding his hand as they walked, once they were out of Blake's sight that is. He let out a content sigh as they walked. After the insanity that was the battle of Haven, it was good to be able to just relax. Right now, he was looking forward to taking a nap alongside his new girlfriend more than anything.
The two of them had barely shut the door behind them when Kali set herself upon him.
Jaune had no chance to react before she had shoved him against the wall and pressed her lips against his.
He was caught off-guard, of course, but he quickly lost himself to the kiss, closing his eyes and leaning into it. Naturally, Kali took that as a challenge, only intensifying her assault on his mouth. The initial kiss had caught him by surprise, but the added tongue really threw him for a loop.
They broke apart after a few seconds, a thin string of saliva connecting their moths and Jaune gasping for breath. He blinked the stars out of his eyes, then looked back to Kali, a dopey grin on his face.
"That was-"
Kali didn't let him finish his sentence, reaching down and grabbing his crotch. Jaune instantly fell silent, but any fear he had died when he saw the lecherous grin cross Kali's face.
"K-Kali?" he questioned.
"Thank the Gods, I thought we'd never get out of there," Kali stated. "I love Blake, but sometimes she can be a bit difficult."
"What are you-"
"Isn't it obvious? I told you I remember last night with clarity. It's been years, Jaune. I want more."
"Shouldn't we take it-"
"Slow? Outside of bed, sure. But in bed? No. Oh, no. In bed, you are mine."
Jaune couldn't help but swallow nervously as Kali licked her lips. "Now then, be a good boy and drop them. I promise I'll make it worth your while."
Jaune obliged, pulling his pants down to his ankles. Kali looked down, humming in appreciation.
"My, my. No wonder I remembered last night so clearly. Now then, just sit back and let do all the work, Jaune."
Well, with an offer like that, how could he possibly refuse?
It had been a few days since him and Kali had revealed their relationship to everyone. And while it had certainly been fun, it hadn't been long before Jaune had realized one very big problem with his new girlfriend, one that made itself apparent to everyone as he limped over to the table and took a seat at it, then collapsed and rested his head on it.
"Rough night, Lover Boy?" Yang asked.
"You don't know the half of it," Jaune muttered.
"Nope," Blake said, rising to her feet. "I can see where this conversation is going, and I want no part of it."
"What's the matter, Blake?" Yang questioned. "Don't want to hear about what they're getting up to behind closed doors?"
"Hell no. That's my mom we're talking about. I'd very much like to avoid imagining her banging Jaune of all people."
"You know, he's not that bad," Weiss interjected. "And honestly, I can't believe I'm the one to say that, considering the way he used to pursue me relentlessly in the most annoying way possible."
"I thought we were past this," Jaune replied without pulling his face away from the table.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that current relationship issues are making me flash back to past ones. Dealing with one dumb blonde reminds me of dealing with all of them, I suppose."
"You know you love me," Yang said.
Ruby raised an eyebrow. "Hang on, I thought you both said that was a one-time thing?"
"Bee's Schnees is just too powerful of a pairing, Rubes. I don't expect you to understand."
"And you're hardly the one to talk about relationships being weird, considering you're dating that Ilia girl," Weiss pointed out.
"Yeah, what's with that, anyway? I didn't even know you were gay."
Ruby hesitated. "...Neither did I, until Ilia did that thing with her tongue."
"Ooh, kinky."
"And Blake's gone," Ren said as Blake finally disappeared around the corner.
"Oh, thank the Gods, I thought she'd never leave. For someone who's so well-versed in running away from all her problems, she sure took her damn time here."
"I have enhanced hearing, you know!" Blake shouted from around the corner. "You're sleeping on the floor tonight, Xiao Long!"
Yang shrugged. "I'll have Weiss there to keep me company!" she called back. Seeing everyone else's bewildered look, she turned to them and shrugged. "The benefits of being poly – if one piece of ass turns you down, go get some from the other one."
"This pairing seems like it's gonna be a disaster, even compared to every other poly relationship," Nora said, shaking her head. "When you all inevitably end up on Jelly Stringer's show, as is the natural conclusion for every poly relationship because every single one is a trainwreck, don't forget that I told you so."
Yang just stuck her tongue out at her, then turned back to Jaune. "Anyway, give us the details, man. What's going on in your love life?"
"I don't want to talk about it..." Jaune muttered.
"Nah, of course you do. Just sit back, relax, and let Love Doctor Yang cure what ails you."
"I'm not sure if you're offering to fix my problems or bang me."
"I wasn't sure there was a difference."
That earned her an elbow in the ribs from Weiss, who glared at her. "What did I tell you about inviting more people into the pairing, Yang?"
"'Three's company, but four's high society,'" Yang answered, rubbing her ribs. "And can you blame me? I'm the daughter of the guy who fucked his entire team."
"So is Ruby, but you don't see her trying to bang everything with a pulse."
"Yeah, but it's Ruby. She barely even knows how to handle one girlfriend, I think asking her to handle two is asking a bit too much from her."
"I' m right here, you know," Ruby announced.
"Yeah, I know. Are you really going to try and argue to the contrary?"
"No, but I do just want to say that I'm quite happy with my one girlfriend and I don't need another one, and that when this weird relationship you're in inevitably blows up in your face the same way all poly relationships do, I'm going to take it as an example of what not to do when I'm dating someone."
"Why aren't you saying this to Weiss and Blake, too?"
"Because I know you three, and I know that if anything ruins this thing you've got going, it's going to be you. Unless you mean to tell me that you're not going to ask Emerald or the ice cream girl to join you for a night the next time you see them?"
"...Alright, that's fair. But in my defense, Dad did the same thing and it never really blew up in his face."
"Uh, one of his partners ran off and is now not-so-ambiguously evil, one of them is dead, and the other one is an alcoholic mess. I think it's a prime example of what happens when you sleep around a bit too much."
"Wait, your dad banged your uncle?" Nora asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, but they weren't brothers-in-law just yet, so it's fine."
"...Why?"
"Why not? Whenever we asked, the only answer he'd ever give was 'Just to prove I would.'"
"Damn," Ren said. "What an absolute Chad."
"Yes, because as we all know, it's only the most Chad of Chads that sleep around so hard, it turns everyone they sleep with into some variation of train wreck," Weiss replied.
"You're a woman, you wouldn't get it."
Jaune finally sighed heavily. "...Look, if I spill about what's bothering me, will you all just stop fucking talking about this? Because I don't know if I can handle listening to this garbage for another second."
"I was wondering if you'd ever ask," Yang said. "Alright, lay it on us. What's the problem?"
"Kali is utterly insatiable and kinky and while it was enjoyable at first, I really need a break."
"That's rough, dude," Nora said. "Thankfully, there's an easy fix for it."
"What is it?"
"Stop being a little bitch and tell her that you want a break for a night."
"Do you think I haven't tried? It's not easy to resist her, you know."
"That's funny, because from the sound of things, all you want is to resist her," Weiss pointed out.
"You'd think, but the D has a mind of its own, and also a very thin sense of self-preservation. It's easy to sit there and say you're going to take the night off until you get a pair of fat tits in your face, then all bets are off."
"Sounds like you're just being a little baby about this."
"So you mean to tell me that if you told Blake you wanted to take a night off to recover and she responded by pulling her top off, that you wouldn't immediately be all over that like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm?"
"...That's different."
"How is it different? She's literally the daughter of my girlfriend. From where I'm standing, it's pretty much exactly the same, only my situation involves a hundred percent more penis."
"...I didn't even know I was gay until a little while ago so I'm making up for lost time."
"And I'm not? Weiss, you have no idea how much of a virgin I was until I met Kali."
"Okay, I'll bite," Ruby ventured. "How much of a virgin were you?"
"I was a fucking turbo-virgin, that's how much. I was such a virgin that I was born as a caesarean section, and in case some of you here don't know what that means, it means I didn't even touch pussy on my way out."
"Did you have to put it that way?" Weiss asked. "Because now it sounds like you want to bang your mom and are complaining that you didn't get the chance."
"Not what I meant in the slightest."
"I don't know, dude," Yang chimed in. "Sounds kind of incest-y to me."
"Fuck you."
"Not on your life – you aren't my type."
"Do I even want to know what your type is?"
"A person with a vagina and a pulse, most likely," Weiss interrupted.
"Wow, you really do know me," Yang complimented, earning another elbow. "Ow! I meant that in a good way!"
Weiss ignored her, instead turning back to Jaune. "Look, if there's one thing I've learned from dating Blake, it's that you're just going to have to be open with her. I'm sure her mom is no different. Just go to her and tell her that you need a night off. I'm sure she'll understand."
"...Do you really think it'll be that easy?"
"I'm sure it will be. Kali is a reasonable, nice woman. She'll know to give you a night."
"...Alright." Jaune rose from his seat. "Yeah, okay. I'll give it a shot. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"
He took a single step away from his seat before Kali's voice rang out.
"Jaune, where are you? It's ten AM; time for your pegging!"
"I've changed my mind!" Jaune announced. "Someone hide me!"
Yang rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I'm sure it's not that bad."
"You don't under-"
She cupped her hands around her mouth. "He's in here, Miss Belladonna!"
Jaune barely had time to facepalm before Kali came around the corner, a smile crossing her face when she saw him. "There you are! Come on, let's go! I've got the BDSM gear all set up and everything."
She took him by the arm and went to lead him away, but Jaune just dug in his heels, causing her to stop and stare at him. "Jaune? Is something the matter?"
"I need a day off, Kali," he said.
She blinked. "A day off?"
"Yeah. I love you and all, but seriously, this is just too much for me. I need some time to recover."
"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so?"
This time, he blinked. "What?"
"You didn't really think I'd force you into this if you didn't want to do it, did you?" she asked.
"But what about all those times where I tried to get out of it and you just took off your top in response?"
"I thought you were playing hard-to-get."
He looked back to his friends for some kind of guidance, but they all just shrugged. Yang muttered something about Belladonna women all being the same, which caused Weiss to facepalm. But beside that, they seemed just as lost as he was.
"...Okay, then," he said. "So, now I suppose we can-"
"Go back to the room," Kali interrupted.
Jaune caught himself before he managed to sputter. "Uh, I thought we established-"
"Oh, we did." She gave him a look that was downright sultry. "But I'm just now realizing that my big, strong man is in desperate need of a little bit of aftercare. So come on, Jaune – let me take care of you for a bit, in a non-sexual way. I'll prove to you that I'm just as capable of being a mother as I am of being a mommy."
Jaune couldn't help but go red in the face of that, which only intensified as Kali took him by the arm again and began to lead him away, with all his friends laughing in the background. Still, embarrassing as it was for him, he didn't mind all that much. After all, they might have been laughing at him, but he was the one who was banging the hot catgirl MILF in an actually healthy relationship, so as far as he was concerned, he was living the dream.
But what happened to Sun?
A few days earlier, the morning after the party…
Sun let out a groan as he lifted his head off the pillow, rubbing at his temple. His head was pounding, and while the pain was annoying, it didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it would – after all, if life in Vacuo had taught him anything, it was that a monster hangover was nothing if not a sign of a good time.
And when he heard someone to his left let out a small groan of their own, Sun knew he'd been right. A smirk crossing his face, he leaned over to give his partner for the night a good-morning kiss.
A pair of bright red eyes stared back at him, and he instantly froze.
Raven blinked, then sighed heavily. "Oh, for fuck's sake... Of course I get the wrong blonde this time..."
Sun was quick to scramble off of her, but it proved unnecessary – all Raven did was sit up and clutch at her forehead before giving him a glare.
"So..." Sun began. "...We never speak of this again, right?"
"Right. This never happened."
"Good."
"Yeah. You're not my type, anyway."
"Too young, I presume?"
"Too old, actually."
"...What?"
And with that, the MILFs are complete, or at least the canon ones are. I've been meaning to get to Kali for awhile - I've had an idea for how to start the chapter off for a long time now, it just kept getting put on the backburner in favor of some other idea instead. But not anymore, because now it's finally done.
Really, Kali is a hard one to get right. I had to go for the right mix of kinky and motherly to really nail her personality. She doesn't have some major, glaring personality flaw like pretty much every one of the other MILFs. She's overall pretty sane compared to most of the canon cast, so it was hard to find ways to mess with her besides the usual things I do. That was probably part of why I put her off for so long - because while I had an idea of how to start and end the chapter, I didn't really have a good grasp on how I could make it actually entertaining to read.
Not much else to say besides that. I'm just glad to cross the last MILF off my list so I can move on to something else. I know you guys have been waiting for Kali for a long time, so I'm happy I was finally able to deliver. I'm hoping that I'll be able to cross another character off my list with the next chapter, and then I want to see about getting to that Weiss prequel I promised a long-ass time ago, because it's also overdue and I'd also like to get it out of the way before maybe trying something new. But we'll see, I guess - that's still a long ways away and a lot can happen in a few weeks.
Next update: Saturday, April 17.