Will She Listen?
- Mabel's POV -
"Cheer up! It's nothing bad at all." I said, snickering. I looked over at my brother as he scooted closer to the wall with his grumpy face. I don't know how it's bad to him. It's just a normal thing lovers do to their partners. I let out a sigh and shook my head. I swear I have an oblivious brother...
I looked up from my bedsheets and back over at my brother. He has calmed down or looks content at least. Maybe it's time to ask him now...
... Is it?
... What if Mermando knows I'm trying to avoid him? And it's already bad in the first place. He sent me a bunch of texts after that ignored call. Or... What my brother said about ignoring him first. They weren't...- I ...- they weren't happy texts at all. But then again, I deserve them. I ignored him and ... this what is happened. I get spammed with texts and hateful ones. It's my fault for not answering... Why did I freeze up?
Why did I reach out to my brother for help?
Why did I react in such a way?
Why am I asking so many questions? Am I doubting my boyfriend's actions? I shouldn't be ... should I? No. I shouldn't be.
...
No. No doubting! There's already enough of that going about! At least I still have a brother. ... We should really make up. Like really. But ... How am I going to do that if Mermando spots me first? Maybe- wait... Isn't lying to a partner bad? That would make him doubt me even more than what he's been sending me. Why is it so forbidden to him? Why can't I just make-up and talk to my brother? It's not only him, he's preventing me from seeing my friends too. What's so bad about them?
Stop overthinking. I don't need to become like my brother.
I stared at my brother with a curious look, trying to figure out what he's doing. Only to spot the light from his phone on his face. "Dipper?" I said. Just push it out, no matter what's in the end. After all, I caused all of this ... I think. He looked at me as he put the phone down. He turned his head towards me, giving me his full attention. "Yes?"
"... I uh..." I trailed off, having trouble forming my sentence. Nervousness begins to rise up within me. "... I want to... patch up that ship with you."
"You do?" He said, looking a bit surprised before shifting his scarf.
"Yes. I do." I nodded.
"Well... To fix this..."
"Does that lead to fixing my "behavior," you think I have?" I asked, interrupting him.
"Yes." He stared at me with an annoyed look.
"... Why? That wouldn't help-"
"It will. If you don't have people who will out you with your mistakes, you may as well think that you're flawless and doing what's right when it's wrong in the first place." He said, cutting me off.
"Okay then. What did I do wrong before?" I asked, crossing my arms. It took him about a minute of silence before answering my question. "Well for starters, many mistakes to go over." He answered. "For example, I'll use one of your mistakes to possibly get you to understand."
"Oh joy." I mumbled quietly. No. Stop it. Maybe this is for the best to understand what I've been doing wrong in the first place.
"I'm glad it hadn't happened yet, and I hope it does not. Recently with the case and-"
"Oh! Don't forget about you hiding the poster under your pillow!" I said, interrupting him, making sure he remembers his part of that whole drama...
"Shush would you. I'm getting to that part." He sneered, glaring at me before easing his stare. "I know, I know I should have shown it to you guys earlier, but I was scared that you would react differently than I imagined. And you did later on." He paused before muttering to himself inaudibly.
"Yes, I did. I think my reaction was counted for." I said, raising my brows.
"Of course... But the way you spoke about, literally invading someone's personal and PRIVATE space was unnecessary. It was not needed. Also certainly don't try to drag people into situations that they don't want to be dragged in ever again." He said, his voice coming off cold and serious.
"Okay, okay. So, that's one of the mistakes I've done." I said nervously.
"Yes, I'm sure you won't like it if someone forces their way into your own personal life." He said.
"I won't like it at all. But-"
"No buts. The time was not different at all. This was a "friend" that you were trying to invade. I don't think he'll appreciate it that much." He said, cutting me off.
"... Don't you think he's ... ... uh..." I slowly trailed off, looking down at the room's floor. I want to say mysterious but... I don't think it'll help the situation. "Nevermind..."
"I don't quite understand why you try or look like your coming at Kahlil to attack him." He asked.
"I am not attacking him. Why would I?" I asked, looking at him confused. I would not hurt him in any way, don't think I can.
"No, no... It's a metaphor..." He said quietly.
"Oh... Sorry." I said, smiling nervously. "Well... that's probably... uh... unknown reasons...?" I said, lying. Although I don't think it was quite convincing to him. I think my brother is a good liar detector, he just doesn't ... say anything about it. You know, I think he would make a good Detective if he ever grew up to be one. "... Is it another part of your boyfriend's reasonings and you just happen to fall for it?" He asked. I widened my eyes, staring at him. I mean, I never told him about Mermando trying to... you know, insult those who like the same gender... Yeah, I think he'll be a good detective.
"... I didn't want to but... yeah. I did." I said. "Is it bad?"
"On your part... kinda. On his part, yes." He said.
"My part?" I said, confused.
"... I'm not a professional at this, I'm still annoyed at you when you tried to come at him for no reason." He grumbled.
"Yea... I understand that part." I said, readying myself up with what insults he had to say at me. Although, he never does. He never did once. Why am I confusing him with Mermando? "But... His part? I want to believe that it's bad, it's really is!"
"But he's convincing you, isn't he?" He asked, tilting his head.
"Not convincing! He will never convince me that Love isn't love! But... I don't want to lose him either. So, I... just go along with it." I said, frowning after a few seconds. I just realized how bad that sounds. I should have said something about it! Why am I afraid?
"... Right." He said, sounding as if he's running out of options. I looked concerned at him.
"... Does telling you about what... Mermando is doing will help this situation much better for you?" I asked.
"Yes. It would, but... I will only help if you allow me." He answered, nodding.
"... I'll... think about it." I said. I looked back up at him, nodding. I'll probably not and think it's just normal.
"So. Any more mistakes I need to look out for?" I asked, reverting the conversation back to the first topic.
"... Well. Um... understanding people's issues and their... disorders..." He said quietly with the hints of fear in his tone. That...- I'm terrible when it comes to disorders now that I think about it...
"Oh... It was a major issue before." I said, growing a bit uncomfortable. "Just... remembering what you said about your previous ... medication issue ... It still confuses me to this day. To be honest, I thought, regardless of what medication you take, it was supposed to help you. Like, snap away all of the issues." I said.
"Not all medications are like that. That's why you have prescriptions for certain situations. That first one wasn't meant for me, it was new and ... really weird and odd to get through. I... ... I kinda thought I was going to die at the end of every ... day." He said, his voice growing quiet.
"You weren't! Never in my life, I will let you take your own life!" I said, confidence generating within me.
"... Thanks... But how do I know your serious this time?" He asked, staring at me with this dull expression. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. It was like my body reacted before my mind could have. And when I think about it, I have nothing to answer that question.
"You'll react with annoyance to get rid of me." He said. I wanted to speak out but my mind wasn't letting me. I think my brain is telling me, everything I do worsens the situation even more. I frowned before staring at my hands in my lap.
"You're right." I said. It's probably the only sentence I could get out. I looked up from my lap over to my brother who stared at me with a shocked expression. He wasn't excepting that? I thought he would be excepting all sorts of things! I guess not. "You're right about that part. That's maybe because I recall the issues before and... It reminded me of so much stress. And probably struck me in an irritated mood." I said, a hint of guilt in my tone. "You didn't deserve none of it. And still, I blamed you for it. Just how dumb I sound?" Silence answered my question, but I didn't want an answer at all. I was mainly asking myself. I sounded so arrogant, not dumb. Maybe... I don't know. I shouldn't have told...- I ... I really shouldn't have told Mermando anything. Because it fueled it even more. What am I going to do to get out of this one?
"... You're not dumb. You just didn't know." He said.
"I knew. I think I knew beforehand. I just was stubborn and refused to listen." I said, looking back up at him.
"... Although there were a few pieces you didn't know." He said.
"You may be right, but I was stubborn, arrogant and ... Ignorant." I said.
"There is always some room to learn-"
"Dipper. Why are you trying to... avoid agreeing with me?" I asked, cutting him off. I stared at him with a frown as he looked nervous.
"Naming certain traits about you- I believe it won't work. Mainly because I think it'll weigh you down. I don't want you to doubt or feel bad about your actions. There was a reason to this all and I don't want to blame you." He answered calmly.
"... How ... How can you be ...- You should be mad at me! Everything I've done was horrible." My voice beginning to tear itself, making me sound upset. "I sometimes wish you would go out of your way and insult me already. Like, defend yourself for once. But all you have ever done was staying quiet, doing the opposite."
"I mean, I did before. However, I don't want to insult you. I can't bring myself to insult you to your face." He said, scooting closer to the edge of his bed. "You don't deserve it."
"I do! I do deserve it! I deserve it for everything that I've done!" I said, raising my voice. Soon the tears begin to stream down my face. "I do..."
"You don't, Mabel." Dipper's voice was close by as I was pulled into a hug. I flinch, however, I quickly melt into his warmth. Soon I begin to sob, resting myself on his shoulder. I don't understand all of this. I don't even understand his reasoning. I know he's mad at me. He's just not saying anything at all. I... I just want to hear the truth.
My sobs begin to falter as I was sniffing away. However, I didn't want to move. My arms were wrapped around him, not obeying my signal to let go. Maybe... this hug is what I needed to release what was in me. Soon I begin to hear my brother's soft, quiet voice. A soothing ambience to his tone. "Everyone makes mistakes. Instead of trying to receive the negativity, try to learn and gain positivity from those who are willing to help you get better."
He's right, I don't need negativity. I need positivity. I soon let go as he did the same I nodded as he smiled. "I don't need to be feeling this way. This isn't how I would act!" I said, confidence coming in to replace my upset mood. "I'm supposed to be the optimistic one. Not you." I said, turning to my brother.
"To be honest, I don't think I'm optimistic." He said, letting out a small chuckle.
"Whatever. Anyway!" I stood up before stretching out my limbs. "I should rethink some things."
"Like what?" Dipper asked.
"You know! Rebuilding my whole entire character! I don't know who was that before. Seem to be an anti-self if I ever think about THAT anymore." I said, shaking my head.
"Anti-self?" He asked, confusion spreading across his face.
"You know, not optimistic and lively? I'm supposed to be the one who gives meaningful advice as you did a few minutes ago." I said.
"... I guess." He shrugged.
"... I know you don't know me that well. And I ended up becoming a horrible sister throughout the first year of our 12th grade. However, I'm willing to make it up to you." I said.
"... You're really serious about this." He said, looking surprised.
"Of course, I am! I don't want to make you depressed or mad at me again." I said.
He nodded, revealing a smile. "Alright. I'll accept it then. However, I'll make sure to keep an eye on you in case you make any errors in your recovery."
"Recovery? Well... I do see it like that now you say it. Okay! It's a deal then!" I said, nodding. "I'll try to do my part and you'll do your part!"
He nodded. "Mhm."
"I wonder if people will notice my change." I said.
"Most of them didn't notice except for Pacifica and Kahlil." He said.
"... Oh right... she did seem to take notice of our slight... uh, broken sibling bond." I said, slowly nodding. "But I'm sure when I talk to her about it, she'll understand! Kahlil... um."
"He might ghost you." Dipper said.
"Ghost me?! How can you be so sure?!" I said, looking shocked.
"... Well. As you tell the closest person you need for comfort about the things that have been going on, well... their views may change on that certain person. I don't know his full view of you. We could ask tomorrow in school since we all have the same class." He said.
"Yeah, I understand that now. Didn't realize the person goes after their throats. But yeah! I really want to change for the best." I said. "... And... apologize for what I said about him."
"That's the spirit." He said, smiling.
"... Okay! I gotta prepare." I turned and made my way to the door of our room.
"Prepare for what?!" I heard my brother say.
"Well, to talk! I have to prepare my speech or else I will fail and lose it!" I answered back to him before exiting the room. I feel like myself again. I feel like I can do it! The first test is tomorrow, I gotta practice!
I should have met up with Pacifica by now, I wonder if she's home sick. I shook my head and looked forward. The school hallway. Where all the other students chit-chat and do their business. Second period has just ended and I'm on my way to third period! I'm more excited than nervous, although that nervousness might be taking over. However, I won't let it take over that easily. I have recalled the mistakes that I made and made sure I reminded myself they were wrong in the first place. I hope Kahlil doesn't get the wrong idea and decides to ghost me. I'm not quite sure why Dipper would say that about him. Is that how he is with his other friends? Jeez, Dipper's so lucky to know a lot about him. He's a mysterious person to everyone, even to his friends.
I soon arrived at the door, realizing it's still open. Wow. I should get here more earlier. It's usually closed by now. I stepped forward before getting tense up. Stop it. Getting nervous won't do anything! I shook my head and gathered all of my confidence before entering in. "Good afternoon, Mabel" Mrs. Ellis greeted me. I greeted her back before looking over at the usual spots. Only my brother was there. I hope he isn't sick. I mean... that sounds a bit wrong. Nevermind. I walked over and took my seat.
"How are you doing so far?" Dipper asked.
"UH." I blurted out, before placing my backpack down. "Sorry, I'm a bit nervous." I said, smiling nervously.
"It's alright to feel nervous." He said, placing his binder down on the floor. "Wait."
"What?" I looked at him confused.
"I was supposed to kill him!" He blurted.
"Don't say that out loud! People may take you seriously!" I said, trying to shush him.
"Whoops, forgot I was in school for a second. Sorry, I really want to seek out revenge." He grumbled.
"You really taking this to heart." I said, raising my brows.
"I know he did it just to mess with me!" He hissed, turning away from me.
"Probably but don't need to be so bloodthirsty for it." I said.
"Oh. Do I act bloodthirsty?" He asked, sounding annoyed.
"You just said you wanted to kill him a second ago." I said, eyeing him down. "I'd say that's bloodthirsty!"
"... Should I run?" We both turned to the familiar voice. Kahlil was staring there with wide eyes at us. I quickly turned to my brother as he sent death glares at him.
"No. You should not." I said to Kahlil. I soon scoot over and shush my brother.
"You are not putting your hands on him!" I hissed.
"But-"
"NO BUTS." I snapped.
"... Fine!" He said, rolling his eyes.
"Jeez, what is up with the sibling ... fight." I heard Kahlil say. I watch him get in his seat as Dipper sighed.
"It's not a fight. She's just preventing me from kill you."
"... For what? What did I do this time?" The blond asked, raising his brow.
"Oh really? Your just going to play like that?!" My brother begins to get all snappy.
"Dipper." I frowned.
"What? I'm not doing anything yet!" He turned back to me.
"Stop getting so offended." I said, giving him my dull expression.
"Really?!"
"Yes really." I grunted.
He glared at me before grumbling to himself. I looked over at the door shutting after all of the students poured in. I hope he does not act like this for the entire time.
Soon the class was over. And yes. He's going to act like this for the entire time. He rushed out of here so fast it was not even funny. I sighed and noticed I was the only one on the row. I frowned and packed up my things before following behind. I walked out of class after getting my homework sheet. I turned to my brother who was waiting for me. He was grumbling like an old grumpy man. Dang it, Dipper. "Would you stop it?" I whispered to him.
"I can't help it! He's pretending as if he doesn't know!" Dipper whispers back.
"You asked again?" I said.
"Yes! He still doesn't know!" He hissed.
"Where is he now?" I asked.
"I scared him off to the lunchroom. He didn't want to wait for you." He said. I frowned before dropping it a second later.
"That's alright! We can catch up!" I smiled. My brother was quite confused by my reaction. I think he noticed my frown beforehand but it still bewildered him. I begin to walk forward as my brother followed behind. We shared a few words before we arrived at the lunchroom. "Should we get this over with your little "war" with him?" I whispered.
"War?" Dipper glared at me.
"I mean... You did-"
"You know, I don't mean it literally!" He grunted.
"I know! I'm just messing with you." I chuckled.
"Great." Dipper grunted.
"Cheer up! Now let's go fix this." I said.
"It does not need fixing." He said, still annoyed.
"Yes, it does. I don't want to see your grumpy face." I said.
"Fine." He grunted before walking forward. I blinked and looked over at the blond who was watching us on the walls. I spotted him before we even entered in. Kahlil looked back at me. He soon glared at me. "Hello, Kahlil." I smiled.
"I guess someone is changing or trying to." He commented.
"Yeah! It's gonna be a hard time but I'll make it!" I nodded. He looked a bit surprised as if his comment meant something else.
"... That ...- Alright." He muttered.
"So, how are you?" I asked. He continued to glare at me as I tried not to frown. When he did not answer, I answered my own question. "Well. I'm doing okay!"
"What are you really trying to do?" He asked.
"I'm just asking a simple question." I answered.
"It feels like you need to say more than that." He said, his tone dead cold.
"... You're right. I do. And I won't hide it anymore." I stood up straight and breathed in and out. "I'll probably try not to act as bad as I did before. I know Dipper told you that I was being a horrible person to him. So I'll apologize for that. Even the things that I thought about you. I really don't want anything to be bad in our friendship with each other. So, I'll say it as much as I can. I apologize for my anti-self." I said. I think I became tense at the end of my speech. I really hope it works. If it doesn't, my practice really failed me.
"You practice for this?" I blinked, confused at him. He soon drops his small smile, staring back at me. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before one of us spoke. "Um... Okay. I can tell you're being truthful here, so I'll accept your apology. I wonder what you thought of me though."
"UH. You don't want to know... It was stupid nonsense." I said, shaking my head repeatedly.
"Alright." He said before looking away.
"... Um... How did you notice I practiced?" I asked.
"... I'll assume you forgot." He said.
"Forgot about what- OH." I facepalm myself. Oh God, this stress is getting to me. It literally made me forget the simplest secret. Wait, isn't that good? I heard Kahlil snicker as he nodded.
"Yeah. Um. Well, we should be going." I said awkwardly.
"No need! I'm glad it worked without my help." I heard my brother's voice.
"Wait. WAIT. YOU PLANNED THIS ALL ALONG?!" I said, jumping to conclusions.
"I didn't. I didn't realize he was standing nearby. I thought he was at the table. By the time I turned around, I spotted you guys talking to one another, so I didn't intervene." Dipper said.
"Aren't you being a bit sneaky?" Kahlil said.
"Well, it worked anyway. Besides, I really need to kick your ass." Dipper said, glaring once again at him. Oh my god, Dipper. You're really not letting this go. All Kahlil did was just snicker. Which pisses my brother off even more. "Okay before this escalates, how about we meet our other friends?`` I quickly asked.
"Good idea." Kahlil said.
I nodded before we all begin to walk towards the table. I looked back at my brother, still looking like an old grumpy man. I swear, this won't end for the death of me. "... It's nice having you back, Mabel." I heard the blond say.
"I'm glad it is." I smiled.
I stepped down the school steps after school ended. Today was fun! It was so good! I'm glad we all made up in the end. Unfortunately, I'm not walking home with my brother, so I'll just half to wait for one of my friends. Maybe Pacifica if she's still here. She probably had to stay in her class for something she missed. I stepped out of the way for the other students before bumping into someone. "Where have you been?" The voice seems threatening and familiar, sending shivers down my spine. I slowly turned and widened my eyes at an angry Mermando.
Please don't do anything harmful.
End of Chapter 44