After the horror that was our utter defeat, Sensei sends us all to class.
I spend most of it unable to concentrate. Despite taking notes, doing all my work, and being physically present, I feel at least a million miles away. My mind constantly replays the battle, rehashing the scenario, rethinking his attacks, my own weaknesses, my classmate's groans. Mirio. I don't forget the name again, working it through my brain on repeat like a broken record. Mirio, Mirio, Mirio.
It's like I'm stuck on him, like I can't get him out of my brain.
Like I'm back there, frozen, staring into bright blue eyes and shining gold hair.
Is this why people loved All Might?
Was this why I couldn't get him out of my head? That laugh, that grin, that confident shout of power as he didn't even try.
He'd told us afterward he wasn't blessed with a naturally powerful quirk. Him and Tamaki and the girl whose name I didn't bother to remember. How he'd trained his quirk to perfection through constant effort and hard work.
And it… It made me want to train.
It makes me want to run until my lungs burned, makes me want to push my body until it ached, made me want to practice kicks and punches until I could punch through burning, shadowy shields.
Sighing miserably, I flop on Hitoshi's bed, those blue eyes still caught in my mind.
On the floor by his bike, the purple-haired boy casts me an amused glance.
"So he beat you," he says dryly, hands working steadily as he removes the back tire of his bike. "I don't really see the big deal. He's two grades ahead of you and one of the top students in the school, isn't he supposed to beat you? I think the surprise is that your class even thought you even had a chance. Can we say conceited much?"
I make a face and roll over, snatching his pillow and hugging it to my chest.
It smells like Hitoshi, and I breathe deeply.
"Rude. It isn't that he just beat everyone!" I scowl. "He- He annihilated us! I couldn't do anything! He punched through my shield! Like, bam, and it was gone! And it wasn't even my normal one, it was all hot because I was angry and it didn't even phase him! And then he was fast. Like quirk fast but without a speed one. I mean, not even Iida could keep up!"
Hitoshi snorts.
"Again, third year."
I make a noise and glower.
"Whatever," I grumble, aware this conversation wasn't going anywhere. "Do you think I could get that good one day?"
He pauses and sends me a strange look, one leg propping up as he balances his elbow on it and his fist against his cheek.
"Yes, Rin."
I duck my head at his half-lidded, judgmental stare.
"Hitoshi!"
I peak out when he doesn't answer, unsurprised to find him rolling his eyes and returning back to work. He threads a chain through the metal gears and makes a noise when one clinks, pulling it through and then wiggling it back and forth.
"Why do you do that?" I ask curiously, blinking when he catches another.
"The link's too tight," he says, wiggling it a few times before pulling it taunt. "You usually do it once you reconnect the chain, but I like to fix it when I find 'em."
Making a soft noise, I watch as he uses some strange, handheld tool to sinch the two ends back together and break off the excess. He reaches for the wheel, rolls it back between two bars, and sets it in place, working with practiced efficiency as he reinstalls the tire.
"Why'd you have to change the chain?" I ask, waving my feet.
"It was getting old. They stretch as you use them and that one was at its end."
I hum, fascinated as he turns the pedals. He watches the spokes, stopping to work out two more links, before dragging himself to his feet.
"Wanna ride?" he asks, dusting off his hands.
I still.
"R-Ride?" I repeat, wide-eyed.
"You said you never have, right?" he smirks, raising a brow. His head tilts, purple hair wild and framing his face as he offers a shrug. "You wanna change that?"
I squeal.
Rolling off the bed, I land on the floor and launch myself at the boy, arms wrapping around his neck before he can take it back.
"For real? Really? Really?"
"Ge' off," he grunts, his hand reaching down to dig into my side. I let out a screeching laugh and release him at once.
"Hitoshi!"
"Don't even. You wanna ride or not?" he huffs, lightly shoving my face away and picking up the bike. He lifts it easily, one hand dragging it up from the stand and the other snatching two helmets off the shelf above. I blink at the sudden display of strength. "What now?"
"I… nothing! You're just strong! I wasn't expecting you to pick it up…"
The look he gives me is pure irritation.
"It's aluminum," he glowers, carrying it out into the hall and tossing one of the helmets in my direction. I catch it with flushed cheeks. "Shut the door behind you."
.
.
.
Riding a bike is fun.
Ignoring his classmates' weird stares, he walks the bike through the building and out onto the street. There, he makes me push it all the while pointing out the parts.
"Those are the breaks," he says flatly, sounding bored as he gestures to two of the squeezy things by the handlebars. "The right break is for the front. Squeeze it."
I do, nearly tripping when the front of the bike suddenly stops.
The boy beside me snickers and I throw him a dirty look.
"The left is the back. Try that one next."
I do, this time more prepared when the bike suddenly lurches.
"I… I did it!"
"Yeah," he huffs, smiling when I beam up at him. I glow in excitement, fingers rubbing across the rubber handles and metal brakes. This was exciting! "You may want to use those more gradually. If you pull a hard stop like that at any sort of speed, you're going to flip. Here's the helmet, you ready to try?"
I nod excessively, quickly grabbing the bright blue helmet and pressing it against my head. I buckle it and grin, and Hitoshi snorts before stopping me to reach under my chin.
"You're such a kid," he grouches, fingers grabbing the buckle and pulling at the extra length. "Your helmet's too loose, the point is to protect you, not slide all over your head."
I flush but don't move, pulling excitedly at my shirt. There's a soft zip as it tightens.
"Thank you!"
When he backs up, he rolls his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, get on. The seat should be good since I adjusted it earlier. You can ride to the tree and back. Try not to fall over when you turn."
I wiggle excitedly.
Kicking my foot over the machine, I balance wobbly using each foot to keep me upright.
"You know, it generally works best when you pedal."
I flush and try, nearly squeaking when it rolls. Clutching at the handlebars, I laugh as I manage to keep it straight.
"Hitoshi! Hitoshi! I-I'm doing it!"
There's a chuckle behind me and I can't help but grin, relaxing a little as I move a little faster.
This is fun.
It's like running, but twice as easy, like flying on the ground or gliding except on wheels. I feel my skin break out in daisies, my hair whipping behind me, and wind in my face.
"Alright! Turn around!"
I do, biting my lip as I twist. It's not exactly hard, just pull and pedal, but the balance of it's weird. I drop down on one foot and have to right myself twice. The straight-line back is easy though.
"This is fun!" I squeak, trying the turn again and leaning out instead of in.
It's easier to keep balance, but I definitely over-correct. My right foot hits the ground and I scowl playfully as I push off.
After three circles I stop, nearly vibrating with excitement.
"Your turn!"
He snorts and takes the bike, kicking down a stand and shaking his head.
"How about I take us for a ride instead?" he asks a second later, fingers moving under the seat and arm flexing as he adjusts some lever. The seat immediately sinks before he pulls it up several inches higher than it was before and locks it in place.
"A ride?" I repeat, lips curling up in delight. "Where? How? There's only one seat!"
"You can stand on the pegs," he says, gesturing to the back with a smirk before climbing on and buckling on his own helmet.
I look worriedly at the small metal pieces.
"They'll hold me?"
"Yeah, they've held Daisuke, and I'm pretty sure you're nearly the same weight."
I wrinkle my nose at that, but sort of climb to stand slightly behind him and over the tire. As soon as I do, I realize the next issue.
"Where do I put my hands?"
"My hair," he says sarcastically, before ducking when I actually reach for it. "My shoulders, idiot! What are you doing?"
"Just following orders!" I snicker, sliding my hands up his back and gripping the soft white of his shirt.
He spares me a sour glance before righting the bike and giving me a moment to hop up. The pegs are small, and my shoes don't grip them well, but he holds the bike steady enough it's not really an issue. I squeeze his shoulders excitedly, fireflies dashing about my glowing skin and cat ears pressing against the helmet.
"Ready?"
"Yeah!"
He takes off all at once.
Despite not sitting down, I can tell the difference between us at once. The wobbliness straightens, the turns are smooth, the speed quickens, and I can't help but laugh.
"You're amazing!"
He doesn't look back, but he doesn't have to.
I can almost hear his smirk, can feel the way his shoulders loosen, and the tension falls away.
"This is so cool! Hitoshi-kun, how come we've never done this before?"
"I don't know," he huffs, turns easily before following one of the UA trails that lead around the dorms. Despite it being late afternoon, there aren't a lot of people on it. A couple of upperclassmen and a blue-haired boy trying out some tech. I grin at them all, the wind whipping through my hair and the sun pressing on our faces.
By the time we return, I can't help but hug his neck, still balancing on the back.
"Hey-"
"Thank you!" I whisper, ignoring him as I press my lips to his cheek. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
He flushes beneath me and stops.
I disentangle myself first, hopping off and then stumbling unsteadily on the ground. He removes himself more gracefully, snorting when I race back up, arms locking around his stomach, and with a sigh, he doesn't push me away.
Letting out a huff, he pats my head robotically.
"Alright, alright. Chill, or I'll make you wait a week before we do it again-"
"We can!?" I cut off at his glower and immediately back away, hands locking behind my back and pasting on my most innocent expression. "Sorry! Chill, see? I'm chill!"
He snorts disbelievingly.
"Yeah, sure. C'mon, I need to lock it up before we head in and you probably need to go soon. Have you finished those math problems?"
I nod, taking his helmet, and watching curiously as he locks the thing up.
"Yeah, Sensei made me finish before I came over. They haven't been as hard since this summer."
"They weren't that hard before," Hitoshi grumbles, and I wrinkle my nose at him.
"Yeah, well, maybe for you. Who knows though, maybe one day I'll be as smart as the great Hitoshi," I grouse crossing my arms. Then, remembering Sensei, my thoughts immediately turn to the medicine. The glow on my skin, a near-constant since we'd gone out, fades.
"You good?" the purple-haired boy asks, clicking something and standing. He reaches out for his helmet and I give it back with a half-hearted smile.
"Yeah, just remembering something. Tulutho-san suggested I start medicine. Sensei gave me until Friday to decide if I want to try it."
Hitoshi blinks, his half-lidded eyes examining my face, and I meet his gaze squarely. The dark smudges underneath his eyes seem a little lighter, and the tan he'd spent all summer was disappearing.
"Oh? Is this gonna be like that time-"
"No!" I interrupt, pouting. "Does everyone have to keep bringing that up?"
"Everyone?" he teases, lips stretching in a playful grin. "And this is the first I'm hearing of it? I'm hurt."
I shove his shoulder and immediately start towards his dorms.
"Hmph!"
"Kidding, I'm kidding," he laughs, and with a few long strides he catches up quickly. "So medicine huh? That's interesting. You nervous?"
"No," I grunt, giving him a sour look.
When he raises an eyebrow, I deflate, cross my arms, and sigh.
"Well… maybe. It's got a lot of side effects," I admit after a moment, following him back into his dorm. Monoma, the annoying blonde from the camp, glares but doesn't follow. Vlad, who often liked to camp out in their living room, waves brightly as we return, Hiro at his side letting out a loud woof. I wait till we're back at his room before speaking again, handing over my borrowed helmet and sinking onto his rug. It's really soft, and I'm pretty sure he said his mom bought it for him. My chest aches at that. "Tulutho-san suggested it, and she's usually right about, I dunno, like everything. But Sensei mentioned side effects and it causes nausea and sleeping problems and, I don't know. Do you… Do you think there's something wrong with me? I mean… I mean that's why people usually have to take medicine, right? When they're sick? Am… Am I?"
Is that why nobody wanted me?
Is that why nobody told…
"No," Hitoshi says, and it's like he doesn't even have to think about it. He drops to the ground beside me a moment later and stretches, arms twisting under him as he leans back loosely. "I take medicine. It doesn't mean you're sick, just that your body isn't perfect."
I blink, mouth opening slightly, and then close it in shock.
"Y-You? You take medicine?"
He casts me a half-lidded gaze and I flush hotly, realizing my rudeness.
"Sorry."
"It's fine," he huffs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I take meds, I mean, nothing prescription, but that's more because they didn't have it than cause I didn't need it. The docs diagnosed me with insomnia back when I was ten. Mom and Dad really didn't know what to do, thought it was them, and got really worried and stressed and stuff. They did a lot of tests, turns out my quirk messes with my brain waves as well as others. The doctor couldn't really prescribe anything, they don't have drugs to help that for kids, so my parents ended up going through a ton of different over-the-counter stuff. I still have a box of it for those nights it gets really bad, but yeah."
I stare and frown, eyebrows furrowing.
"Insomnia?" I ask, turning on my side.
He rolls his eyes and smirks.
"My brain won't shut off, so I struggle to sleep. It's great…"
I glance at the dark circles under his eyes and nod.
That, actually, makes a lot of sense…
"You know you don't have to take it if you don't want to," Hitoshi says after a moment before stretching back and laying across the floor. He looks like a cat like that, expression indifferent and eyes slipping closed. "But if Sensei's considering it, it's probably not a bad idea. You could always try it and see if you like it or whatever. I'm sure if you hate it, Sensei would let you stop."
I hum, looking past him to the window.
I'd considered that as well.
"She said… She said it was because of trauma," I admit quietly, fingers twisting in my shirt with a sigh. "It's… it's supposed to lessen emotions and… I dunno, help me feel less… everything."
He makes a quiet sound.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I'd feel less sad?" I ask softly, eyes immediately filling with unbidden tears. I blink rapidly and hurriedly wipe at my face. "Sorry, I…"
"Are you sad?" Hitoshi asks, ignoring the last bit.
I sniff and roll onto my stomach, hiding my face in my arms. The tears, refusing to dry up, spill freely down my cheeks and arms, my throat closing tightly.
"Yeah," I croak.
He makes a noise and shifts closer. A warm, heavy hand pressed against my back.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I… no. My… My Mom died," I whisper, unable to stop the choking sob crawling up my throat. "I… I wasn't gonna tell you. I'm sorry, I should go-"
"Hey," Hitoshi grumbles, arm reaching out. "Hey, stop that. It's fine."
My lip trembles as I look at him.
He looks sad too.
I pull back and shiver.
"I… I didn't wanna- I… Stupid emotions."
"Hey," he says again, this time grabbing my arm. "I said it's fine. I'm your friend, Rin. It's… It's what I'm here for, okay? And- And that sounds like more of your shitty luck. Now stop acting like an idiot and I'll give you a hug."
I choke on a laugh, arm moving across my face to swipe at my tears.
"Y-Your- Your sweet side sucks."
He snorts, pulls, and I curl up beside him.
"Yeah, well your brain sucks. You couldn't have mentioned this earlier? Like I dunno, when you actually found out? Now I'm gonna have to explain why you followed me up here and left crying. You know Vlad-sensei likes you, right? Cause he's gonna have my head if he thinks I hurt you."
I giggle and sniff, swiping at my eyes.
"You'd never do that."
He makes a face and I bury my face in his stomach, smiling despite the tears.
"Yeah whatever," he grumbles, but I can hear his smile. "You're my best friend too, okay? And if your sad, then… well, you probably deserve to be. You… You don't have to pretend with me, alright? It's not like I haven't seen you all snotty and stuff before-"
I scowl.
"Really?"
It takes all my will not to bite him.
I glare up and he smirks.
"Am I wrong?"
I manage a choked laugh and scrub at my face.
"You know what, I'm leaving." I push myself away, but there really isn't any heat in it. "Sensei will be making dinner soon. I… Thanks."
The hand that touches my arm is warm and calloused.
"Always."
.
.
.
The rest of the week passes quickly.
It's like an endless cycle, wake up, breakfast with classmates, notes, notes, lunch, and more notes. It's easy to get lost in, easy to forget everything as I pass through my classes. Even when I get back, it's the same. Study, play a game, talk. I sit with the others, finding Iida's notes straightforward and Momo's understanding of, well, everything better than my own. It's kinda weird, having people to study with. People to rely on.
Nice.
It's easy to avoid my thoughts with them.
They're just so… noisy. Energetic. It's like being back in the Foster homes, but better. Their laughter near infectious, their teasing comical.
It's also exhausting.
The evenings are my favorite. The quiet peace in the apartment calming in a way the day never is. I curl next to Sensei on the couch, both of us occupied as he reads through some document or other with Miska purring between us. I close my eyes sometimes, pretend that this is my life—that this was how it always was.
No Yui-sam, no Niko, no psychotic brothers, or dead mom, or… or any of that.
Just us.
Just me, Sensei, and Miska.
Family.
"You had the meeting today, right?" I ask quietly, fingers running through Miska's soft fur as I message Hitoshi in the other. Monoma had apparently gotten roped with Kendo-san, their red-headed class president, into a pushup competition. Hitoshi was documenting as they sweated it out, Vlad's grinning figure officiating between them. "Did you guys decide if we'll be able to participate in the work studies?"
Sensei, not looking up from whatever paper he's reading, hums in non-committal.
I hesitate, waiting for more, and frown when it doesn't come.
"And?" I ask, reaching over to poke his side. He passes me an amused scowl. "What's the verdict?"
"That nosy children will have to wait for tomorrow, just like the rest of their class," he says flatly.
I roll my eyes and huff.
"I'm not asking for the specifics, I just wanna know if we get to participate!"
The thought of Mirio returning to mind once more.
Blonde hair fluttering in the wind, blue eyes sparkling.
POWER!
He'd been haunting my thoughts a lot. Memories of his strength and power, the feeling of his hand on my shoulder. His ridiculous wink.
I blush.
He was just so… so…
"Why?" Sensei interrupts casually, eyebrow rising as he finally puts down his paper. "Have you thought of a hero you'd want to intern with? Why are you so red?"
Ignoring the last bit, I frown and consider the list of heroes I'd gone through. I… I honestly hadn't realized there were so many of them, or that they were ranked. I mean, sure, I probably should have, and I guess it made a lot more sense now that I thought about it. But I wasn't really sure I understood why or how those ratings made any sense. For example, my teachers weren't even on the list, and the number one was some fire dude with a mean expression. Hawks, also on it, had a lot of good reviews, he even looked kinda nice. But Toru had called him Tokoyami's mentor, which meant I wasn't touching that with a ten-foot pole.
And… And there were a lot… A lot, a lot….
"The Owl," I answer hopefully.
The way his eyes narrow and slide towards me tells me instantly that was not the right answer.
"The Owl," he repeats flatly, paper folding as he sticks it beside him on the arm of the couch. "And what do you know about the Owl?"
I swallow.
"He's… He's in the top one hundred?" I squeak nervously, quickly recalling the list of statistics I'd memorized just in case. His reviews hadn't been anywhere near as stellar as someone like Hawks, but he hadn't been bad. "He's closed a thousand cases and he's based out of the 29th Precinct! He does a lot of work with the quirkless and his quirk allows him to be most efficient at night. He, uh, doesn't actually have an owl quirk, though I couldn't find what it actually was. It's just his hero name, and he uh-"
"And the fact that he's in charge of your brother's case has nothing to do with this?" Sensei asks sourly.
I lean away, pulling immediately at my fingers.
"I… I mean, it does. But he's supposed to be able to fly! Which I need to learn! And he's gotta be smart, right? If he, uh… if he made the top 100. And he's-"
"No."
I still.
I…
"What?"
"No," he repeats, voice flat and eyes narrowed dangerously. "He's not particularly smart and he's a misogynistic ass. So the answer is no. Find someone else."
I… I glare.
"What?" I snap.
"Would you like me to repeat it?" he says sharply, his nostrils flare. "Pick just about anyone else. The answer's no."
"That's- That's garbage!" I snarl, removing myself from his side and standing. "You- You can't just decide who I will and won't-"
"I can," Sensei cuts off. "It's part of the conditions for the work-study. Whoever you choose will need to be approved. I am telling you now, that… man does not qualify."
Hot, burning anger flashes suddenly to the surface.
"Why not?" I snarl, flames flickering beneath my skin. "Because he has to do with my family or because you want to keep me in the dark?"
Sensei's jaw tightens as he doesn't back down.
"Neither-"
"Bullshit!" I sneer, all of the emotions I'd spent all week trying so carefully to control suddenly pouring out. "That's bullshit and you know it!"
"Excuse me?"
I glare at his face, snarling at the disappointment and frustration and contempt. I hate it. I hate him. Then, spinning on my heels, I snarl and stomp towards my room. Ignoring his grunt of frustration, I slam the door. And when I crash onto my bed, I let out an angry sob.
.
.
.
The weekend comes quickly.
Sensei and I don't mention internships again. The next day in class, I go so far as to put my head down when he explains them to the class, refusing to make eye contact or even listen. Todoroki gives me a strange look, and I can tell it makes Momo uncomfortable.
But I don't care.
I… I can't.
Cause if I do… If I do, I'm afraid I'll break down.
And I'm so tired of tears.
Maybe that's what helps me make my decision.
Friday evening, still refusing to talk about Mama or heroes or the Owl, I hesitantly ask to try medicine.
Sensei doesn't look relieved, doesn't look excited or nervous, or even the slightest bit anything. He just nods, fingers twisting in my hair as he soothes the strands away.
"Okay."
And that's it.
So I'm completely unprepared when Saturday, Sensei disappears with a simple note, and so do about half my classmates: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Ochako, Kirishima, Tsuyu, and Tokoyami. Bakugou and Todoroki I expect, they had remedial lessons. But the others?
It doesn't take a genius to figure out why.
Work studies.
And suddenly, I burn.
My skin blisters from the heat of it, my mouth tastes like ash, my jaw aches.
"Uh… Rin-chan?" Sero asks nervously, hands raised defensively as he guards his breakfast. "Ah…"
I want to scream.
I want to pull my hair.
It's not fair.
He won't even consider my pick, won't even listen to what I want, but he approves everyone else.
What the fuck!
"Leave me alone," I bark, moving around him and shoving out the courtyard door. I glare viciously at the beautiful day, smoke curling from my skin.
I hate it.
I hate the warm sunshine, the soft chirp of birds, the simple happiness.
I want to burn it all to the ground.
I want to melt the bark from the trees. I want to scorch the grass. I want to scar the landscape, tear it apart and bury it in shadows. I want to rip at it until it's as blackened and ugly as I feel. I want to fight—not those stupid schoolyard spars, but an honest, bloody-knuckled fight. I want to feel the pain, taste it as I slam my fist into flesh, until the knuckles split and blood splatters across my face and bruises line my skin.
Maybe then I could go back, back to the before.
Before people cared.
Before I did.
Damn it.
It hurt.
Mama…
"H-Hoki-chan?" whispers the new boy, expression terrified when I turn and glare, black flames flickering across my skin.
"What?" I snap, disgusted when he jumps.
"Do- Do you want to talk?"
I grind my teeth and glare, shadows curling around my hair and limbs. They form into snakes, into trunks, into oversized hands. Nails rake against my back.
"Do I look like I want to fucking talk?" I snap.
He quivers, large eyes set inside of a stupid, rock-like head.
He looks like he's gonna cry.
I let out a furious, muted scream.
"UGH!"
Kicking a rock, I growl when it hits the side of the brick wall and bounces harmlessly off. Reaching down, I pick up another, a small piece of gravel, and pull it back and throw. It launches across the air, arching high. Like Bakugou's baseball, it develops a tail—a small, fiery trail of black that quickly flickers out as it disappears. I reach for another, another, and another.
I get caught in the cycle, furious and hateful and-
"Well, uh kinda…"
I slam the rock into the space beside me and spin, facing the boy with gritted teeth.
"Damn it, I'm mad!" I snap, pinning him with my glare. He flinches and I muffle a scream. I wish he were Bakugou. Wish more than anything the blonde was here, I wish Kouda were anyone else. That he'd push me so I could hit something. "Can you not fucking see that? Leave. Me. Alone. If I wanted to fucking talk to you, I'd say something. I don't like you."
"I- I know, but… but you're u-upset."
I lose control, the black flames flickering across my shoulders and engulfing my hair.
"Are you fucking stupid?" I snap.
He makes a noise and I twist.
"Wh-What happened?"
I pull at my hair and muffle a scream.
Nails scratch at my scalp as I want to bar my teeth.
I want to scratch at my skin.
I want to bleed.
The tears don't even manage to fall, evaporating near-instantly against my skin.
My mother is dead. Dead like Yui-san and Shin. Dead and cremated and gone and my fucked up, shitty ass family didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. My psycho brother is running loose, will probably come to kill all of you. And the one lead I had to understanding anything just disappeared.
"I- I… um…"
Why is he still here?
I release my hair and glare fiercely at the boy.
Despite looking terrified out of his wit, he doesn't back down. Pale with fingers sliding nervously against his chest, lips quivering beneath streams of tears.
He reminds me of the cashiers.
Pale-faced, shaking, and scared.
In the bag. You have one minute, or she'll kill you.
Hero? That's no hero.
My stomach lurches, nausea rising in my throat.
I jerk away, letting the shadows pool against my back and stretch into black, leathery wings. They're hideous and large. Nightmarish, with ragged edges and terrifying claws. Eyes blink open from the pieces, like some horror from a book. They stretch far, far longer than any of my glowing ones do, well past my arms and at least three times as strong.
So Shouta mentioned he thinks it's an emotional manifestation, what emotion would you call this?
Happy? Sad? Angry?
Fear.
Yes. It is because anger is natural, it is not good or bad. Much as the wind can cause destruction or give relief, anger is but a symptom of something else. Of pain. Pain can come from many types of places. It can be physical or emotional. A scratch on your arm, will cause pain, but so will disappointment. It causes a squeezing pain in my chest, and shame feels like bitterroot on my tongue and lead in my stomach. All of these can lead to anger. However, at its root, it is fear that leads to them.
I pump them twice, the gust they release enough to propel me at least one floor up.
I fly to the top of the dorm, my wings blocking out a good portion of the sun.
Below me, Kouda gapes.
I leave him there, mouth open in horror.
Good.
Let him see me as I am.
I touch down on the roof clumsily, feet falling heavily, knees buckling before I sink against the dark tiles. They're rough and gritty, nearly painful as they rub against my skin.
I slide against them, relishing the pain as my shadows disperse. Enjoying the sting as it scrapes against my flesh.
Anything besides the aching in my chest.
My phone flashes with a text and I open it instinctively, hands shaking.
Iida.
Reluctantly I click, throat tight, eyes burning.
As class president, it's my duty to remind you that the use of quirks outside of school times is illegal.
I glare and nearly shut it down. No shit. He sends a second before I can, the block of text appearing directly under.
As your friend though, my door is open if you want to talk.
I reread it twice.
My eyes blur, twisting the lines into an indistinguishable mess. I fall back against the tiles, the rough layer biting into my back. Dirt slides against my neck.
I click the phone off, shove it in my pocket, and stare. Up at the clear, beautiful sky.
I wish it would rain.
.
.
.
I stay on the roof most of the morning. Until my eyes ache and crust, until my skin burns beneath the sun's harsh light, until the anger and disgust and hatred fades. My phone, tucked safely in my pocket, buzzes often. I ignore it. I ignore everyone, eyes lost on the distant clouds.
Silently, I consider running away.
Sensei would probably be better off without me. No more having to cook for two, no more living in the dorms, no more any of that. He could move back into the teachers' suites, return full-time to his hero work, never have to bother with me.
The others… they'd be fine.
They always were.
They'd forgotten Mineta easily enough.
Maybe I could find my brothers. Maybe I could find Mama's grave.
I wasn't sure what I'd do there. Probably bitch.
It seemed like all I was good for. Complaining and crying and shoving my problems off on others.
It's no wonder they never wanted you.
It's no wonder they never replied.
How many letters did you send? Not just to Ryu and Sora, but to Mama and Kaito and Daddy. How many lonely days did you wait, going hopefully through the mail?
And for what?
Another round of strangers. Another set of pretend families and memorized expectations and inevitable disappointment.
I sigh, the press of the sun's light burning as it kisses against my skin.
I don't want to get up.
I don't have the energy for it.
A clatter of noise below catches my attention and I blink tiredly over.
What now?
"Hey! Rin-chan! Rin-chan!"
Closing my eyes, I wonder if I ignore it if they'll go away.
It sounds like Toru anyways.
"Rin-chan, I know you can hear me! Don't ignore me! Rin-chan! I will get Sero-kun or Momo-chan to come get you! Don't think I won't!"
Scowling, I roll towards the ledge. The drop below is dizzying, a near four-story drop. And at that bottom, I'm unsurprised to see a ghostly outfit, Mina's pink-skinned self beside her.
"What?" I grunt, not really caring if she hears me or not.
I notice the new kid isn't there.
Part of me's glad. The other part twists, knots in bitter disgust as I remember my own words.
You made him afraid.
What's wrong with you?
"Hey! You better be listening! I don't know what you said but come down here! I'm bored! And- And you've been up there for hours. We have time limits on sulking! This is a brood-free zone after twelve!"
I roll away and scoff.
"No," I huff before feeling my phone go off.
It buzzes incessantly in my pocket.
I silence it immediately, not even bothering to look.
"PICK UP YOUR STUPID PHONE!" shouts a disembodied voice from below. She sounds annoyed.
My lip twitches.
It rings again.
With an exhausted sigh, I answer.
"Wha-"
"If you don't get your butt down here in the next three minutes, I'm calling Sensei," Toru growls angrily over the phone. "You've been up there since nine and it's nearly one. You missed lunch and this is stupid. Everyone's worried."
I blink.
"Uh-"
"Don't even," she huffs, and I can imagine her with her hand on her hip. "Do you need a ladder?"
I breathe deeply and scowl.
"No."
"Good, then come down."
The line clicks as she hangs up, and I stare stunned at my phone.
Did she just-
How annoying.
I consider just closing my eyes and returning to my spot, but the threat of Sensei stops me.
He would definitely not be happy. Ground me for a month kind of unhappy, and that was a lot of essays. A lot of wasted afternoons…
There's probably going to be essays anyways.
I sit up and grimace. My stomach gurgles at the movement.
And… maybe… maybe I was a little hungry.
Drawing out my shadows, because even the idea of summoning light made me exhausted, I feel them stretch across my back—dark and thick and black. I spread them wide, staring at their elongated shadow below. Stretched and warped by the sun, they look like dragon wings.
Monstrous.
I jump.
The wind bites at my face. The ground rises up to meet me.
I fall to the Earth amongst the thick cloud of dust, shadows extended and hair spilling behind me. My feet slam into the ground. The shockwave rattles my teeth, my knees bend beneath the weight of it. I straighten slowly, catching sight of Mina's wide eyes and Toru's stiff posture.
They look… surprised.
"Oh thank goodness!" Mina sighs in relief, immediately rushing forward. She ignores the nightmare on my back, already twisting and reforming again. Spider legs, sharp teeth instead of hairs. Her arms swing immediately around my neck and I flinch at the sudden contact. "We heard all that noise this morning and saw you going off! That and Kouda-kun said you were crying and-"
"Thank goodness you came down!" Toru interrupts, shirt sleeves flailing forward as she bends forward in a relieved sigh. "I was for sure you were gonna stay up there forever. Ugh! You're lucky you were on the roof! Vlad-sensei came by because of the smoke! I tried to cover for you, but I'm pretty sure he saw the grass you charcoaled. Jeez, Rin-chan! If you were that angry, you should have said something! We could have gone to the pool or something!"
"Or the gym," agrees Mina, nodding her head enthusiastically. "I know when I get like that, I like to dance. The physical exercise definitely helps!"
I twitch, disengaging from the two as my shadows swirl away.
I furrow my eyebrows.
"What?"
"Oh c'mon," Toru huffs, gesturing for the dorm. "Let's eat first, then you can tell us all about it!"
I flounder.
Mina notices, arm hooking around mine as she pulls me in.
I… I don't understand them. And even less the curious looks that aren't hateful or angry or cruel.
"Is the mademoiselle back? Ah! Bonjour!"
I stare at the blonde as if he's lost his mind. He grins back, striking a pose. His fingers snap idiotically by his head.
"Yeah," Mina shrugs, letting go to wave. "Toru-chan got her down. We're gonna go make her eat and find out what's up."
The blonde… twirls?
What the…
"I have croissants!" the boy exclaims, quickly prancing forward. "Oui! And cheese! Let me make you a proper breakfast! The kind that will help you sparkle!"
I choke as Toru drags me to a seat, shoving me down before quickly taking the one beside me. Momo, suddenly up, rushes into the kitchen as well.
"I have tea!" she says as she passes. "I… tea always goes with breakfast! Toru-chan, Mina-chan, do you want any?"
"Absolutely!" Mina laughs, dropping into a chair and kicking it back on two legs. "Thanks, Yao-momo!"
I twitch as Sero joins us, dropping into another seat with lips spread wide in a grin.
"You know, it's a good thing you're on our side," the boy teases taking up his spot. "Those shadows are totally terrifying! Heh, remember that time you went all shadowed-up on Shigaraki? Man, that guy didn't know what to do! You chased that idiot all over the platform, it was so cool! Terrifying, but cool."
Mina elbows him lightly.
"Sero-kun!"
"Hey, what's goin' on?" Kaminari interrupts, walking in from a different room. "Oh! Hey! Rin-chan's back!"
I flush and quickly look away, exhausted already.
I don't understand.
I don't understand why they're joining me, why they even care.
He reaches us quickly, taking the spot across from Sero with a laugh and pulling out his phone.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Toru asks, wiggling beside me.
"Texting the others," he says, eyebrow rising like that's obvious. "Class Prez has been pacing all morning, and you know Jiro-chan was listening in just in case. Sato-kun also mentioned he was working on a cake…"
"Cake?" Mina repeats, eyes widening in delight. "Oh! Maybe he'll share!"
"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm texting!"
I sink down in my chair, wondering at my chances if I just… just make a run for it. I glance longingly towards the direction of Sensei's room. Maybe if I sprinted…
"Don't even think about it," Toru huffs, hand slapping immediately against my hand. "Breakfast time! Or, I guess it's lunch now... And then you're gonna stay and hang out! We can watch a movie and do hair! I wanna see what your hair looks like curled! And then maybe makeovers…"
I…
I have no idea what's wrong with her.
She slumps a little.
I stare.
"What?" she grumbles, obviously annoyed. "Do I have something on my face?"
If anything, I look at her more strangely.
"You're invisible," I remind her.
"Yeah? And? What's your problem?" she grumps, the voices around us going strangely quiet as hers rises. "You just go off for no reason and when we finally get you to come back down, you look ready to run! Rin-chan, we're your friends! What's wrong?"
I pull away and scowl.
"Nothing-"
"That's BS and you know it," Sero huffs, arms crossing against his chest. "You just took one glance around the kitchen and exploded. That's not nothing."
"Not to mention your attitude towards Kouda-kun," Toru agrees. "You owe him an apology."
"Then maybe he should have left me alone," I growl.
"Maybe you should control your temper," says a voice behind me.
I flinch at Kyoka's steely glare, noticing as she and Iida join us in the lobby. The dark-haired teen scowls, but it's Iida's disappointment that hurts.
"I… was trying," I grunt, guilt and shame igniting all at once.
It… it hurt.
Why did people always hurt?
"You have words, Rin-chan," the dark-haired girl states flatly as she joins us at the table, not bothering with a chair as she hops on the corner edge. "Why are you so angry?"
I can feel their stares, feel their probing look as they wait, almost with bated breath.
I don't understand.
Don't understand why they're still here and feeding me and offering to hang out. Why they're asking or even talking.
Why I'm still here.
Why they're pretending to care.
"It's… It's about the work studies," I manage tightly, lips thinning as I look down.
"The… wait, for real?" Kaminari asks, breaking the silence with a confused noise. "You… you went all crazy flame because of some stupid school thing? I mean, yeah, they sound cool and all, but-"
"It's not about school," I snap, cutting him off, with a furious look. "It was my only chance. He- He has my brother's case files. He has Kaito's information and I'm out of leads and Ryu's decided to fucking hide and- and-"
I cut off sharply and there's a low murmur as several of them trade looks.
"Oh Rin-chan," Momo sighs, returning with a teapot and several cups. "Have… Have you been trying to find Asp all this time?"
I grimace and reach for the tea, the taste hot and bitter and warming as it slips across my tongue.
"Yes."
Iida, expression lost between guilt and sadness, sits down stiffly.
"Then we'll help you," he says, voice lacking any of its usual luster. "I… I understand what it means to run headlong towards a goal. To need something with everything you have."
We all eye him, and I shiver at his expression.
He meets my gaze with steely blue ones, his glasses reflecting brightly as he does.
"But you have to promise that- that no matter what we find, you won't act on it alone!"
Mina hums in agreement, dropping her chair back to the floor with a clatter. She reaches for my shoulder.
"Yeah Rin-chan! No more lone dog behaviors!"
"Ah… actually, it's lone Wolf," Momo corrects hesitantly, but she nods just as enthusiastically. "But she's right! Rin-chan, we can help! You said you know the hero who has the case files? Then, that should be easy enough, right? We can just write a strongly worded letter-"
"A letter?" Sero scoffs, eyebrow rising. "Saying what? Excuse me, police officer, can we borrow your probably highly classified paperwork? Why? Oh, we think we can do your job better. Yeah, that'll go over well."
"We could steal it," Kaminari puts out.
At everyone's glare, he quickly throws out his arms.
"Kidding! Kidding!"
"No you're not, idiot," Kyoka snorts, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "And this sounds like a bad idea. Why are you even searching for him anyways? He nearly killed us last time. What are you going to do if you find him? Ask him why? Arrest him? Need I remind you, none of us are actual heroes."
I swallow at her steady gaze and pick at my hands.
"I… I just want to understand," I mumble, eyes looking down.
"Understand what?" Toru asks. "Why he's crazy? Can crazy people even answer that?"
I glare.
"He isn't… wasn't crazy before!" I snap, eyebrows furrowing. "He used to be kind. You didn't- don't know him! He would share his food when we were hungry, he'd- he'd read me to sleep. He- He used to help people! He'd go out of his way for people. Kaito would never act like this! He would never- They did something to him!"
Lazer, returning with a tray of cheese and croissants, scowls.
"You are all monsters," he says in a disgusted voice, his accent coating every word. "I have brought cheese, and not a single one of you even smiles. Despicable."
"That's because it's cheese, dude," Kaminari says sourly, grabbing a buttery croissant and staring at it judgmentally before plopping it in his mouth. "Maybe bring cake if you want an applause."
"Or Sato," Mina agrees.
"Guys!" Momo intercedes with a frown, reaching out and picking up an oozy little slice covered in what looked like honey. "Ignore them, it looks delicious. And- Is that brie? Oh, it is! And you baked it! Thank you, Aoyama-kun!"
He nods, arms crossing his chest, and looks expectantly my way.
I… I shrink.
"You better eat some," Toru giggles at my side. "I mean, he basically made all of that for you."
I don't understand why.
But, flushing, I hesitantly do. Picking up the croissant, I take a small bite.
It's… good.
Rich and warm and buttery with a hint of salt.
I flush and bow my head.
"Th-Thank you."
"Je vous en prie! Now, is it time to sparkle?"
.
.
.
Talking to my classmates doesn't change anything.
But it changes everything at the same time, and I can't understand how.
Sitting around that large table, they spar back and forth with ideas. Like this was homework or studying or one of Kaminari's newest obsessions. Not my... my brother. Like they don't even care. Like they want... like they want to help. It isn't like Sensei, who just nods and tries to make things quietly disappear, or Tulutho-san, who wants to examine every hurt, tearing through my aches with blades and precision. They just… talk. Open and loud and excitedly, like they do everything.
Sato eventually joins us.
He also brings cake.
It's the most delicious cake I've ever had.
Like everything this afternoon, it makes no sense. How can he have no clue what to do to make curry, but somehow manages to turn heaven into bread?
I find Kouda afterward, bowing low and refusing to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry," I tell him quietly, standing outside his door as he waits frozen just inside. "I… I shouldn't have said those things to you. They were cruel, and you didn't deserve it. I know you were just trying to help. Please forgive me."
He makes a sound and doesn't respond.
But his rabbit does.
Hopping easily from his room, I'm surprised when it pounces on my feet, long ears pushed back and red eyes staring up. I don't really think about it, reaching down to scoop the small creature up.
She's soft.
Heavier than Miska, and twitchier too. I stroke her fur before realizing what I'm doing.
I recoil immediately, eyes flickering to the other boy's face.
"I… sorry."
He stares back almost mutely. I struggle with words, not quite sure what to do. He seems to have the same problem, hand reaching out before pulling back against his chest.
"You- You have a cat," he says awkwardly.
I stand there, holding his rabbit, and blink dumbly.
"I… yeah?"
"I- I saw the cat hairs," he says, fumbling for words. "I… I speak to cats."
"You, uh, speak to all animals," I say uncomfortably. I don't know if I should put down the rabbit or try to hand it back. He looks surprised.
"You… you know that?"
I give him a weird look.
"Yeah, you did it in training."
He makes a noise.
"I… I thought you didn't, uh, notice. You kinda seem to hate me."
I cringe and recoil, hating the hurt expression on his face.
"I… I don't hate you," I say before deciding to just set the rabbit down. It sniffs and rushes back in the new boy's room immediately. "I just… I miss Mineta. You… You took his spot."
The boy fidgets.
I fiddle with my fingers, silent as well.
Glancing towards the girl's hall, I wonder if that's enough. Toru had told me to apologize and not to come back until I was done. But then, apparently realizing the loophole in that statement, had also promised to come bang on Sensei's door if I even thought about running away.
I swallow and wonder if I should just go.
Not really making this any easier.
"H-Hoki-"
"Rin," I correct instinctively, and then, realizing how that probably sounded, turn back to his wide eyes and rock-shaped head. "I… I don't like Hoki. Everyone associated with it's stupid."
If he picks up on the venom, he doesn't comment on it.
"Oh. Oh- uh Okay. Um, R-Rin-chan. I… I know we don't really know each other, but… But I meant it. If- If you want to t-talk."
I give him a strange look.
"I… thanks."
He hesitates in the doorway and I give up.
"I'm gonna, go."
"Oh, okay."
.
.
.
Sensei frowns later that evening, dressed in his hero uniform, yellow goggles pinned against his head and the weight of his capture weapon wrapped heavily around his neck.
I wait, gesturing pointedly at the food, and squirm.
"I cooked!"
"Why are you wearing makeup?" he asks flatly, eyes narrowed. He doesn't move, doesn't pass me like normal to change. His lips thin as he takes in my features. "Are you hurt?"
"No," I answer, shifting from foot to foot. "T-Toru-chan did it. She... We watched a movie and, she... ah... she did my hair. Do… Do you like it?"
"No," he says flatly, pulling out his chair and taking a seat. He leans back and crosses his arms. "Your face is fine without it. Why were you on the roof?"
I grimace and shrink.
"H-How-"
"Vlad saw you. The roof is off-limits to students. If you need space, you have a room for that. You'll write me an essay tonight and tomorrow detailing the safety hazard of fire and shadow-based quirks and house structures."
My head dips forward and I bow my head quietly.
"Yes, sir."
"Now why were you up there?" he asks flatly.
I sit heavily, searching for the words I'd practiced all afternoon. Beneath the dark gleam of Sensei's eye, they disappear in an instant. I hesitantly glance up, uncertain.
"I... I got upset. I yelled at Kouda-kun and… and I made him scared."
Sensei's dark stare feels more painful than any blow.
"Excuse me?"
I wince and shut my eyes.
"I- I apologized," I tell him softly. "I- I tried to go outside to- to burn. I was just so- so angry. He- K-Kouda-kun, he followed me out. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I f-flew away."
The silence that follows aches.
I feel the tears drip unbidden as I stare at my hands.
"Why were you angry?" he asks after a long moment.
I sniff and don't look up.
"I- I… don't want to say."
"That seems to be the entire problem," Sensei cuts curtly, chair scraping against the floor. "The hero studies, I presume? Considering this all happened this morning, I can only assume you walked out to see most of your classmates gone. You got mad, and instead of walking back into your room or going through your mindfulness exercises or even telling someone, you just exploded. Like usual."
I flinch.
"Should I take your silence as a yes?" he says sourly. "You're grounded for the rest of the week. What you did was foolish and mean. You have a phone for a reason. When you get overwhelmed, what are your expectations?"
I sink.
"Call."
"Call who?" he snaps, his deep baritone rumbling. "Because last I checked, I didn't have any missed calls or texts."
I hold my breath, trying to stop the sob already crawling up my throat. A second later I swallow, feeling the tight knot lodge painfully in my throat.
"Y-Y-You. I'm s-sorry."
He makes a sound, somewhere between a growl and a sigh, and stands.
Moments later his blurry boots stop by my chair. He squats, one hand resting on my thigh as the other pushes back my head. I stare blurry-eyed at his scruffy face, taking in the half-lidded eyes and lips twisted down in a frown.
"Rin," he says flatly. "Breathe."
I do, deep, filling breaths that make my head spin.
When I finish, I slide my arms around his neck, mindless of the capture weapon still hung there. Reaching forward, I burrow my face in the soft fabric of his shoulder. I fall forward into him, my knees thumping against the ground and my teeth clattering as they click together.
"I'm sorry-"
"I know," he sighs flatly.
I squeeze his neck, eyes slipping closed.
"I'll... I'll do better. I- I p-promise."
He makes a noise and the rough patch on his cheek slides coarsely across my face. The hand on my head soothes, thick fingers dancing through my hair.
"I know," he states sourly. He sounds annoyed, and I'm sure if I opened my eyes, I'd find him glaring at the wall. "One more incident like this and I'm hiring a sitter. You know better, Rin. You have strategies for this. I've gone over them, the therapist has gone over them, you will use them or I will leave someone here to help you use them."
I wince but don't complain, nodding quietly as my shoulders loosen.
"After dinner, you'll write that essay, and when you finish, you and I are going to talk."
I nod my head, but Sensei makes a noise.
"Words, kid."
"Y-Yes, sir."
"Good. I'm going to change. Thank you for dinner."